I don’t take a lot of photos with my cell phone. It’s mainly because the quality isn’t great. But every once in a while the moment calls when I am compelled to whip it out and take a few quick snaps. Invariably I completely forget that I’ve taken the photos, only to rediscover them weeks—or months—later.
I found these yesterday. Ben at breakfast about a month ago:
As a set, I think they’re perfect. They’re the kind of shots I wish I’d gotten with my real camera…
Ben and I were driving back from dinner this evening and he said something about a Ford Focus as it sped past us. Whenever someone mentions “Ford Focus,” I am immediately catapulted back to January 1995, and tonight was no exception. I had just purchased a brand new, bright red Mitsubishi Eclipse (that turned out to be one of the best cars I’d ever owned) and the memory of a very hot man having a near life-threatening asthma attack in the back seat of that car as a friend and I drove from Oakland to Walnut Creek will be forever etched in my consciousness.
Red and I, January 1995
Several months earlier, while trawling AOL (go ahead and snicker—it was 1995 for chrissake), I met a guy online named Curt. He had no photos, but described himself as “mid 40s, blond hair, blue eyes,” and had a very sexy southern twang to his voice. He sounded damn hot.
When we finally met in person after weeks of chatting online and over the phone, it was obvious that with no photo to go from, my imagination had run wild and had constructed an image that no one short of a Nordic god could fulfill. There was no denying that I liked the guy after our numerous conversations, but I think my imagination had been so busy concocting a hot, hairy 40′s daddy that when faced with reality I couldn’t help but be a little…disappointed.
Fortunately the lack of heat was apparently mutual, but we had enough in common that a friendship blossomed.
Anyhow, since the Mitsubishi dealership I bought the car from was in Concord and Curt lived in Walnut Creek, it was natural that he’d be the first friend to see the new purchase as I drove back to The City. Unfortunately when I stopped by on my way home that evening, he was on his way out the door to meet friends for dinner.
About a week later, I was in the East Bay having lunch with my boss and his wife, and afterward decided to stop by Curt’s again.
Curt didn’t know that I was planning on dropping by (practically no one had cell phones back then so I couldn’t call), and he had arranged to hook up with a guy he’d met online. Not having exchanged photos beforehand, Curt wanted me to stick around in case the guy was—in his words—”a troll.” As it turned out, Manny was anything but a troll. In fact, he was one of the best looking guys I’d ever encountered from that silly electronic service: late 20′s, buff (but not built), fuzzy, and had a killer smile.
I didn’t really know what his story was because he kept dropping sexually-charged comments at Curt, but privately confided to me that he “wasn’t what he had been expecting.” I told him that when Curt and I had met initially he hadn’t been what I had been expecting either, but that obviously hadn’t stood in the way of our friendship. “Give him a chance,” was my advice.
At one point, when Manny had excused himself to use the bathroom I asked Curt if he wanted me to leave so they could bump uglies. “Nah,” he said, “let’s all just hang out.” (I guess Manny hadn’t been what Curt was hoping for either.) We watched a couple movies (on laserdisk!) while the afternoon slipped into evening. Around 8:30 pm, the three of us headed over to Zachary’s Pizza in Oakland. Manny had neglected to tell any of us about his sensitivity to formaldehyde (admittedly not something that would come up in normal conversation), a compound I didn’t realize was used extensively in new cars. Since we were in my car, on the way back from dinner, it brought on a terrible asthmatic attack. We stopped at a Safeway so he could buy an over-the-counter inhaler, but by that point the evening had been ruined.
So how does a Ford Focus figure into all this? Manny drove a Focus.
And yes, in case you’re wondering, Manny and I did eventually hook up, but I think it was out of curiosity more than anything else. And since he was one of those “I’ll lay here and you can do all the work” guys who didn’t even kiss, I saw no reason to pursue things further…
You sure wouldn’t have seen this on MTV twenty years ago…
Spotted on Craigslist:
Hey you. You there in the Glenn Beck T-shirt headed off to the Tea Party Patriot rally.
Stop shouting for a moment, please, I want to explain to you why you’re so very angry.
You should be angry. You’re getting screwed.
I think you know that. But you don’t seem to know that it doesn’t have to be that way. You can stop it. You can stop it easily because the system that’s screwing you over can only keep screwing you over if you keep demanding that it do so.
So stop demanding that. Stop helping the system screw you over.
Look, you can go back to yelling at me in a minute, but just read this first.
1. Get out your pay stub.
Or, if you have direct deposit—you really should get direct deposit, it saves a lot of time and money (I point this out because, honestly, I’m trying to help you here, even though you don’t make that easy Mr. Angry Screamy Guy)—then take out that little paper receipt they give you when your pay gets directly deposited.
2. Notice that your net pay is lower than your gross pay. This is because some of your wages are withheld every pay period.
3. Notice that only some of this money that was withheld went to pay taxes. (I know, I know—yeearrrgh! me hates taxes!—but just try to stick with me for just a second here.)
4. Notice that some of the money that was withheld didn’t go to taxes, but to your health insurance company.
5. Now go get a pay stub from last year around this time, from January of 2009.
6. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld for taxes in your current paycheck is less than the amount that was withheld a year ago.
That’s because of President Barack Obama’s economic stimulus plan, which included more than $200 billion in tax cuts, including the one you’re holding right there in your hand, the tax cut that’s now staring you in the face. Republicans all voted against that tax cut. And then they told you to get angry about the stimulus plan. They didn’t explain, however, why you were supposed to get angry about getting a tax cut. Why would you be? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get angry at the people who voted against that Obama tax cut?
But taxes aren’t the really important thing here. The really important thing starts with the next point.
7. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld to pay for your health insurance is more than it was last year.
8. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld to pay for your health insurance is a lot more than it was last year.
I won’t ask you to dig up old paychecks from 2008 and 2007, but this has been going on for a long time. Every year, the amount of your paycheck withheld to pay for your health insurance goes up. A lot.
9. Notice the one figure there on your two pay stubs that hasn’t changed: Your wage. The raise you didn’t get this year went to pay for that big increase in the cost of your health insurance.
10. Here’s where I need you to start doing a better job of putting two and two together. If you didn’t get a raise last year because the cost of your health insurance went up by a lot, and the cost of your health insurance is going to go up by a lot again this year, what do you think that means for any chance you might have of getting a raise this year?
11. Did you figure it out? That’s right. The increasing cost of health insurance means you won’t get a raise this year. Or next year. Or the year after that. The increasing cost of health insurance means you will never get a raise again.
That’s what I meant when I said you really should be angry. That’s what I meant when I said you’re getting screwed.
OK, we’re almost done. Just a few more points, I promise.
12. The only hope you have of ever seeing another pay raise is if Congress passes health care reform. Without health care reform, the increasing cost of your health insurance will swallow this year’s raise. And next year’s raise. And pretty soon it won’t stop with just your raise. Without health care reform, the increasing cost of your health insurance will start making your pay go down.
13. I wish I could tell you that this was just a worst-case scenario, that this was only something that might, maybe happen, but that wouldn’t be true. Without health care reform, this is what will happen. We know this because this is what is happening now. It has been happening for the past 10 years. In 2008, employers spent on average 25 percent more per employee than they did in 2001, but wages on average did not increase during those years. The price of milk went up. The price of gas went up. But wages did not. All of the money that would have gone to higher wages went to pay the higher and higher and higher cost of health insurance. And unless Congress passes health care reform, that will not change.
Well, it will change in the sense that it will keep getting worse, but it won’t get better. Unless the problem gets fixed, the problem won’t be fixed. That’s kind of what “problem” and “fixed” mean.
14. Sadly for any chance you have of ever seeing a raise again, it looks like Congress may not pass health care reform. It looks like they won’t do that because they’re scared of angry voters who are demanding that they oppose health care reform, angry voters who demand that Congress not do anything that would keep the cost of health insurance from going up and up and up. Angry voters like you.
15. Do you see the point here? You are angrily, loudly demanding that Congress make sure that you never, ever get another pay raise as long as you live. Because of you and because of your angry demands, you and your family and your kids are going to have to get by with less this year than last year. And next year you’re going to have to get by with even less. And if you keep angrily demanding that no one must ever fix this problem, then you’re going to have to figure out how to get by on less and less every year for the rest of your life.
16. So please, for your own sake, for your family’s sake and the sake of your children, stop. Stop demanding that problems not get fixed. Stop demanding that you keep getting screwed. Stay angry—you should be angry—but start directing that anger toward the system that’s screwing you over and taking money out of your pocket. Start directing that anger toward fixing problems instead of toward making sure they never get fixed. Instead of demanding that Congress oppose health care reform so that you never, ever, get another pay raise, start demanding that they pass health care reform, as soon as possible. Because until they do, you’re just going to keep on getting screwed.
And it’s going to be that much worse knowing that you brought this on yourself—that you demanded it.
Thanks for your time.
P.S.—I didn’t mention this because I’m trying here to be as patient with you as I can, but you might also want to keep in mind that in addition to screwing over yourself and screwing over your family and screwing over your own children by demanding that Congress oppose health care reform so that you will never, ever see another pay raise, by doing that you’re also demanding that I never, ever see another pay raise, which means that you’re also screwing over me, and my family, and my children. Not to mention the millions of poor and uninsured and uninsureable people I didn’t even mention above because they don’t seem to matter at all to you. And for that, let me just say the only appropriate thing that can be said to someone so determined to do direct, tangible harm to the welfare of my family: Fuck you, you fucking moron.
Okay, even if I weren’t a recent convert to The Cult of Jobs, and despite it’s rather unfortunate choice of a name, I would still have to admit that Apple’s new iPad is pretty cool. Very 2001: A Space Odyssey.
What? Where do you think the inspiration came from?
Admittedly I have no desire whatsoever to rush out and buy one, but I do believe the product will be very successful. I know it’s probably a a generational thing, but I happen to like real, physical keyboards; something the iPad does not possess and the main reason when I was looking for a new cell phone last year I went with a Blackberry and not an iPhone (plus the fact I hate AT&T).
So to Mr. Jobs and Apple I say, congratulations! It looks like you’ve come out with yet another insanely beautiful piece of computing equipment—even if it does just look like the a display had simply been disconnected from a MacBook Pro. It will be interesting to see how the format matures…
