Voenix Rising

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oh fucking boy, there’s nothing more in this world that the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex loves more than a good manufactroversy.

I mean, let’s face it: tackling actual issues that matter is hard work. you have to have facts, logic and reason on your side. you have to have a coherent point of view — one that you can defend without having your flimsy argument go all explodey in your face.

none of that is in the wheelhouse of your average MAGA screech-monkey. 

but give them something really stupid and petty to get all worked up over, and they’re happier than a pig in shit.

no, strike that. they’re happier than all the pigs in all the shit.

welcome to day three of the dumbest fucking manufactrovery yet: the over-the-top performative meltdown over Jon Ossoff’s perfectly normal observation that Preznit Fuckwit and his weird stalker-slash-diaper-nurse travel together.

the usual gang of hysterical suspects have been shitting their faux-rage all over Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium, and it shows no sign of abating.

oh look, Little Miss Fear Of A Black Santa has entered the chat.

Ossoff was clearly implying that Trump is having an affair w/his staffer. He was so determined to disparage Trump, he didn’t give one thought (or worse, he did) to how this would affect Natalie. Forever. Don’t let the Democrats tell you they are for women. It’s a lie.

sigh. okay, once more, with feeling: what Ossoff said was that Donny and Natty travel together. that’s all. nothing more, nothing less.

but Megyn Kelly is, of course, a bit of an expert on accusing people of having affairs.

here’s the thing, though: what these dumbfucks should have said was nothing.

congratulations, stupids, for putting Diaper Nurse Natalie on the map.

if the outrage machine had simply ignored Ossoff’s remark, and let it pass without comment, it would have been a non-story. no one would have noticed it. Natalie Harp wasn’t part of the national conversation. the average American had no idea she existed, much less that she was some member of Dear Leader’s inner circle.

but now, thanks to these histrionic howler-monkeys who have no idea what it means to shut the fuck up, everyone and their sister knows that Donny has befriended some weird stalker lady who carries around his diaper bag.

come on, that shit is irresistible. now everyone’s paying attention.

look at this, she’s all over the news.

and now that the press has taken an interest, we’re finding out that Nurse Natty is even weirder than any of us suspected.

I’m sorry, Natty once rode in a what?

It was October 2023, and Donald Trump was due at a New York City courthouse to fight his latest set of legal troubles. But as the motorcade idled outside his Trump Tower residence, staffers confronted a more immediate problem: There wasn’t room for Harp, the hyper-loyal aide whose devotion to Trump had quickly entrenched her within his orbit.

A screaming match in the lobby ensued, with Harp insisting that Trump had personally asked her to attend the court appearance, two sources familiar with the matter told CNN. Denied a seat but determined not to be left behind, Harp jumped into an SUV trunk, according to the two sources and confirmed by a photo obtained by CNN.

who acts like this? what’s with all the drama? there was never any need for screaming. any normal person would have just gone ‘oh, okay,’ and flagged down the nearest cab. they’re all the fuck over the place, in Manhattan.

in the interest of Responsible Journalism and Everything™, I just asked Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot to tell me the distance between Trump Tower and the Federal Courthouse down in Foley Square. 

the answer is four miles — a twenty-eight minute cab ride, give or take for traffic.

Natty would have arrived in plenty of time to settle in and watch Dear Leader close his narcoleptic eyes and start filling the courtroom with the piquant aroma of ass music.

but no, Natty couldn’t do the sane thing. she had to throw a thermonuclear shit-fit and then wedge herself into the trunk of an SUV.

perfectly normal stuff.

as is this.

According to journalist Michael Wolff’s 2024 book, All or Nothing, Harp previously slept in the locker rooms at the property.

Wolff revealed that during one of Trump’s summers at Bedminster, Natalie found herself without any assigned accommodations.

He wrote, per a Vanity Fair excerpt, “Out of sight, for Trump, was out of mind. And even Natalie would not presume to speak to Trump about her accommodation.”

“And yet, in Bedminster, suddenly there she was. She had reached out to the grounds staff at the country club and gotten herself a maid’s room. And when that proved too far from the main house to respond quickly enough to Trump’s calls, she relocated herself to the much closer women’s locker room, where, with undiminished proximity to Trump, she would spend the summer.”

okay, this behavior is clearly cuckoo for cocoa puffs, and right now it’s just something Natty is ahem alleged to have done. but Michael Wolff is Donny’s official biographer, and if he put it in one of his books about Donny, I’d call it a pretty credible allegation.

but even without that last anecdote, Nurse Natty is guilty of some serious stalkerish behavior. I mean, come on: Donny’s own Secret Service considered her, and I quote, “a potential danger to herself as well as to the president.” 

if any of that shit happened to you or I, the first thing we’d do is keep far the fuck away from this person.

but not Donny. he gave her a job — over the objections of his own handlers and Secret Service. he’s that clownfucktacularly broken inside, and in constant need of worship.

perfectly normal stuff.

today, I’m giving the final word on this subject to Fox News found object Jesse Watters.

yes, you heard me right: Jesse Watters — because that’s how far through the looking glass we are with the tale of Donny and the Diaper Nurse, that Jesse Fucking Watters is the voice of reason.

“I mean, to suggest that Trump surrounds himself with attractive women? I mean, yeah. he’s done that his whole life. I don’t think he’s very upset about the comment. am I fazed by this comment? no. has Trump said SO MUCH WORSE, so much more sleazy things against other people? YES. have I defended those things? ABSOLUTELY. so, I’m not going to pretend I’m all hot and bothered about this.”

okay, who are you, and what have you done with the real Jesse Watters?

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now, let’s circle back to the dude who kicked off this whole non-story, because Jon Ossoff has no more fucks to give, and no-fucks-to-give Jon Ossoff is my favorite Jon Ossoff.

here’s Jon yesterday, at a town hall with Georgia voters, speaking up for Senator Mark Kelly, who Donny wanted to imprison for the heinous crime of reminding service members that they have a duty not to carry out illegal orders.

“because I don’t think anything illustrates the times more aptly than that the draft-dodging crook president, who has plunged our nation recklessly into a war he knows not how to end or to win, tried to imprison this man who embodies American heroism: a decorated combat veteran, naval aviator, astronaut, space shuttle commander, U.S. senator. Donald Trump tried to lock him up for daring to state in public a fundamental principle of military law.”

any comment on that, wingnut outrage machine?

no? good. keep your fucking mouths shut.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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