Voenix Rising

Despite me posting copious amounts of atheist memes that for the most part I agree with wholeheartedly, I would not describe myself as a strict atheist. If anything, I would label myself “atheist light” or even agnostic if forced to put a label on my beliefs. If all I need is a total disbelief in a supreme being, then yes…I am a strict atheist. If, however, a belief in something beyond this life is also included, then I most certainly am not.

Admittedly, even though I have no evidence whatsoever to back this up, I believe that we are eternal beings, something that exists beyond space and time. Ultimately what powers us is totally separate from what we call “reality.” Further, we aren’t actually souls trapped in these bodies, but rather the energy piloting these bodies—our avatars—from beyond this physical reality. Why? To learn and grow. And possibly, just because from that external viewpoint and no matter how many horrific things may happen in our lives—for the pilots, our real selves, it’s ultimately fun. Think video games, or even a variation of The Matrix, but with each of us in control, not strapped in a pod somewhere against our will. We create the goals—be they for learning or just for fun—for each “game” before entering it, and once those goals are achieved, it’s time to move on to a new, different game.

Reincarnation? Absolutely, although viewed from the above lens. Reincarnation based on your deeds? Just like the proverbial heaven and hell, absolutely not. Reincarnation because—as I stated above—life is ultimately fun when viewed from this perspective. What curious, creative entity would not want to experience every possible variation available to them when there is an endless universe out there to explore?

Death—when it occurs—is the end each particular game, nothing more. You—or rather your pilot—is still you. (Perhaps minus the personality you took on for this particular life.) Take a break, come back, and try a new one.

The other day in therapy, the subject of suicide came up. I volunteered that I had frighteningly considered it once about thirty years ago. I had been out of work in SF and no matter what I did—despite being a seasoned tech worker—I couldn’t find a job and the walls were closing in around me. I thought how easy it would be to just take a drive own the coast highway (I was thinking Devil’s Slide in particular) and just drive my car over the cliff.  I told her the only thing preventing me was the knowledge that it was a coward’s way out and I didn’t want to have to come back in a new life and a new body and I wanted the choice to do so—and at the time I believed that a suicide would strip that ability. My worldview was a little different back then, but this is ultimately what I still believe. Think of it this way: suicide is the only guarantee that you will come back to this exact same game again and again until you reach those original goals. It’s like throwing down the controller mid-game and walking away, except when you return you can’t start up where you left off—you have to restart the game from the very beginning and all your previous successes are wiped out. She laughed when I said, “Can you imagine having to go through high school again?” She agreed that would be reason enough not to kill yourself. I mean, really…who wants to go through that again?

Granted, like with all belief systems, there are gaping holes in this philosophy, and to be honest, all this only gelled into the semi-coherent mess it is for me in the last few years, but it brings me solace when faced with the absolute shit-show that has enveloped my life, both personally and world-wide.

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