Author: Mark Alexander

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let's say you're the low-wattage leader of a nation, and you've just publicly humiliated yourself by throwing the world's most clownfuckingly-inept dictator-parade ever.

what do you do for an encore?

well, if you're United States President Squeaky McTanktread, you head to Canada and publicly humiliate yourself at the G7.

let's dive right in and bear witness to the atrocities — but before we do, let's set the National Embarrassment ticker back to zero.

here's Donny's crowning moment of the day: the announcement of a a framework for an agreement to move forward on the concept of a plan to have a series of talks that could lead to the negotiation of a discussion about the possibility of reaching a trade agreement— well, something like that, anyway. my head hurts from trying to keep Donny's ever-shifting narratives straight.

Donny: "you all know the great PM of the UK and we just signed a document."

*drops documents*

Donny: "whoops, sorry about that. a little windy out here. we just signed it and it's done and so we have our trade agreement with the European Union."

what, what wind? do you see any wind? if it were windy, that tangled rat's nest of cotton candy bullshit Dear Leader hot-glues to his head would be flying all over the place.

like this.

but more importantly — did you catch that Preznit Fuckwit confused the UK with the European Union? I don't know about you, but I seem to recall a rabid press corp that pissed all over themselves with glee every time Joe Biden momentarily screwed up a name — and then corrected himself.

that was a national news story. a lifelong stutterer had to defend himself after mispronouncing a name.

hey crickets of the press, got anything to say about Dear Leader apparently having no fucking clue which country he's signing imaginary agreements with?

hey, Jake. Jaaaaake! you there?

I guess Jake Tapper must be on one of his frequent coffee breaks. being a world-class journalist does require near-constant caffeination, you know.

sigh. let's set that embarrassment ticker back to zero again.

now, here's Dear Leader mouthing the talking points Vladdy Pute whispered into his ear late one night while they were having pillow talk.

"The G7 used to be the G8. Barack Obama and a person named Trudeau didn't want to have Russia in, and I would say that was a mistake, because I think you wouldn't have a war right now if you had Russia in."

let's do some basic fact-checking: WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and WRONG.

Putin was eighty-sixed from the G8 in 2014, after he invaded Crimea and declared that the region was now part of Russia. hey, you know who was PM of Canada in 2014? some dude named Stephen J. Harper. he was the head of Canada's Conservative Party. Trudeau didn't become PM until the next year.

hey, but at least Dear Leader properly identified Obama was the US prez in 2014 — so let's give the irrepressible scamp half a gold star. good boy, Donny! and isn't it super-nice of him to carry water for his despot bestie Vlad? I'm sure it will weigh in Donny's favor during his next yearly performance review in Moscow.

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at the G7, Donny's in the company of other world leaders. they're not MAGA shit-swallowers, and they're not the worthless scribblers of America's corporate-controlled media — so they're less inclined to put up with his constant lying.

watch what happens when, in the middle of a press appearance, Donny starts mouth-farting off-topic hallucinations about Democrats letting immigrants vote in sanctuary cities.

Donny: "… all Democrat-run cities. and they think they're going to use them to vote. it's not gonna happen."

Canadian PM Mark Carney: "if you don't mind, I'm going to exercise my role as G7 chair … we have to start the meeting."

'I'm going to exercise my role as G7 chair' is diplomat-speak for 'hey fuckface, zip that rancid anus-hole you call a mouth, we all have better things to do with out time than tolerate your bullshit.'

sigh.

here's a thing that happened during the meeting — and wouldn't you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for it.

check out France's Emmanuel Macron and Italy's Georgia Meloni putting their heads together and whispering about something — or someone. who could it be? I'm betting it's Dear Leader.

holy shit — check out Meloni's eye-roll about 22 seconds in. that's got to be a dead give-away — who the fuck else could they be talking about?

let's gif that shit for posterity's sake.

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early in the evening, Press Sec Karoline Lie-vitt announced that because Donny had been Such An Amazing Boy and had gotten all his work done in just one day, he was heading home two days early, to solve all the problems in the Middle East.

"President Trump had a great day at the G7, even signing a major trade deal with the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Keir Starmer. Much was accomplished, but because of what's going on in the Middle East, President Trump will be leaving tonight after dinner with Heads of State."

and so, Taco Donny tacoed the fuck out of Canada — but not before dropping another hallucination on us.

"Iran should have signed the 'deal' I told them to sign. What a shame, and waste of human life. Simply stated, IRAN CAN NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON. I said it over and over again! Everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran!"

sorry, what? all nine million residents of Tehran should evacuate immediately? what do you know that you're not telling us, bro?

next, Donny — for reasons known only to the squirrels scurrying about in his head — blamed the whole 'coming home early to fix the Middle East' story on Macron, and said it wasn't true.

Publicity seeking President Emmanuel Macron, of France, mistakenly said that I left the G7 Summit, in Canada, to go back to D.C. to work on a 'cease fire' between Israel and Iran. Wrong! He has no idea why I am now on my way to Washington, but it certainly has nothing to do with a Cease Fire. Much bigger than that. Whether purposely or not, Emmanuel always gets it wrong. Stay Tuned!"

dude, it was your own press-sec, Karoline Leavitt, who told us that you were coming home to fix the Middle East. can't you clowns keep your story straight for five entire minutes?

but thanks for clearing up the mystery, Donny. got it, you're working something "much bigger" than a cease fire — but what could be bigger than getting two heavily-armed countries to stop lobbing missiles at each other?

seriously, though — we've now been given two conflicting bullshit stories about why Donny split from the G7 two days early. but what's the real reason? might it be because his handlers know it's only a matter of time before his brain quite publicly goes fuckity-bye?

The thesis underlying these discussions is straightforward: President Trump may be in significant physical decline, and his aides are keenly aware of it. This is not idle tabloid fare but a collage of well-sourced rumors and first-hand accounts that, taken together, paint a troubling picture. The pattern is hard to ignore – a sharp drop-off in Trump's once-ubiquitous public appearances, hints of mobility and continence issues, and conspicuous adjustments in how he engages with the press and peers. In short, many are asking whether the commander-in-chief, who once boasted about marathon trips abroad, is now struggling to meet the physical demands of the presidency.

He's never met the mental/emotional/intellectual demands, and perception is everything, so his physical decline is the last penny to drop and his clear physical decline is scaring the shit out of the Trump Regime.

Coffee-Break Jake Tapper wrote a whole fucking hit job of a book about how "everybody knew" Joe Biden was a mess and worked overtime to hide it. it was all based on conjecture and hearsay. Tapper never proved his premise.and let's not forget: Joe Biden's presidency was massively successful by all metrics.

right now we have a current president in serious physical and mental decline — to the point where his handlers have to get him the fuck out of any situation were he might shit himself, quite literally.

hey, wouldn't that be a great subject for a book? anyone?

hello? hello?

we might as well set that embarrassment ticker back to zero and leave it there forever.

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so, what's the Big Important Thing that Dear Leader rushed home to work on? could it be the Donnyphone?

folks, I shit you not.

In a press release, Trump Mobile calls it "a sleek, gold smartphone engineered for performance and proudly designed and built in the United States." It's available to preorder now with a $100 deposit, and will either be available from August 2025 or September 2025, depending on whether you believe the press release or the Trump Mobile website.

holy fuck. the grift never ends. this goniff never stops figuring out new ways to separate the cultists from their cash.

here's the most important thing you need to know about the Donnyphone: it doesn't actually exist. Donny's felonious sons hastily cobbled together a web site, photoshopped an image of a phone, and opened up shop. in typical Donny fashion, the whole operation is slap-dash and fly-by-night.

There are numerous errors on the page, from a processor section that doesn't list a processor, RAM that's described as storage, and the boast of a "5000mAh long life camera," when it presumably means the battery.

they're currently collecting money for a some fantasy of a phone that may or may not ship in August — or September. or never. how about never? is never good for you?

Melanie Petit said she likes the style, but it's what the watch is missing – the "T" in "Trump" – that makes it stand out.

"I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-M-P," she said.

she noticed it right away! you can't pull the wool over MAGA's eyes!

The Petits are wondering why a watch with such a glaring error was allowed to be shipped out.

"How could they process this and go through something without checking their work?" Melanie Petit asked.

you fucking clods. have you not been paying attention? this is how Donny works. he collects your cash and delivers shit. how many times are you rubes going to allows yourselves to be hoodwinked before you wise up?

spoiler alert: how about never? because the second certain thing is the the cultists are going to snap this shit up. nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence — and gullibility — of MAGA.

wherever he is, PT Barnum must be shitting his pants with envy right now. so many suckers!