Author: Mark Alexander

the Oxford English Dictionary — the go-to for all things wordtastic — defines diplomacy as 'the profession, activity, or skill of managing international relations, typically by a country's representatives abroad.'

the key words in that definition are 'profession' and 'skill.'

sane countries chose their diplomats from a body of skilled professionals who have made it their life's work to know how to say exactly the right thing, in any situation — because it makes no sense for a country to have hothead fuckwits mucking about, barking out crazy shit and blundering into wars.

that's why it's always super fucking hilarious to watch Mad King Donny conduct high-level foreign policy by the seat of his pants while melting all the way down on his crappy app.

"What Vladimir Putin doesn't realize is that if it weren't for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He's playing with fire!"

is there any other country on the planet whose chief executive's social media is a 24/7 firehose of petty grievances?

spoiler alert: the answer is no, because it's just fucking insane.

I cannot stress this enough: Mad King Donny should not be conducting foreign policy via a series of colicky rage-posts. it accomplishes nothing, and it's just embarrassing. the world is laughing at us.

can someone please take away Dear Leader's phone?

but let's look at what Donny's saying: 'if it weren't for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD.'

excuse me, but what 'REALLY BAD things' has Donny personally kept from happening to Russia? who the fuck does Donny imagine he's working for? last time I looked, Donny's title was President of the United States, not Protectorate of Russia.

I'm so old, I remember when American presidents looked out for the interests of their own country — not those of our adversaries.

Donny's having the saddest of saddy-sad sads right now because — after twelve years spent sucking up to Putin in a pathetic effort to be his bestie —

it's finally dawning on this dilapidated old dotard that Vlad is never going to be his friend. Putin's been playing Donny like a fiddle since day one.

remember how Donny campaigned on the ludicrous boast that he would end Russia's war on Ukraine in one day? well, here we are, 128 days later — and guess what: Putin's war rages on, with no end in sight.

Putin's an expansionist. his goal is to rebuild the Tsarist Russian Empire of the 19th Century. it's a goal that includes annexing Ukraine.

but here comes Mad King Donny, the delusional dipshit who imagines he's The Greatest Deal Maker of All Time. he's gonna fix everything. he's gonna solve all this war shit by flattering Putin, and remind him what great pals they are — and maybe even throw in the promise of a golden tower in Moscow.

but none of that laughable bullshit's worked, so now Donny's gonna try threats — by telling Putin he's "playing with fire." oh joy, one nuclear power telling another that they're 'playing with fire.' what could go wrong?

tell me, Donny, does this look like a guy who gives one fuck about your threats?

Putin's laughing at Donny. all of Russia is laughing at Donny. for fuck's sake, even Russia's official state media is laughing at Donny. look what Russia Today posted to their not-twitter account.

President Trump warns Moscow, claiming Russia avoided 'REALLY BAD' consequences only thanks to him 'Putin doesn't realize… he's playing with fire!' — Trump's message leaves little room for misinterpretation. Until he posts the opposite tomorrow morning."

does Russia have Mad King Donny's number, or what? they know he's an erratic dope who can be depended on to contradict himself the very next day — and they're taunting him about it, right to his face.

hey, remember when Donny said this about Putin in 2016?

"I don't know anything about him other than he will respect me."

yeah, I don't think so.

Donny is all 'come on, Vlad, you owe me one' — and Russian state media is all 'die mad, you salty bitch.'

no one respects Donny.

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"I told Canada, which very much wants to be part of our fabulous Golden Dome System, that it will cost $61 Billion Dollars if they remain a separate, but unequal, Nation, but will cost ZERO DOLLARS if they become our cherished 51st State. They are considering the offer!"

I have a question for President Dumb-Ass: is Canada in the room with us right now?

Golden Dome, to catch you up, is Donny's expensive, unworkable fantasy to protect America from the threat of missile attacks — but it's basically just a scam to shovel billions of dollars into the Space Nazi's pockets.

Golden Dome is based on Israel's Iron Dome defense system — but because Donny is a fucking child, everything always has to made of gold.

so here's Donny, claiming that he's been talking to 'Canada,' and that they're 'interested' in become our 51st state, so they can get in on some of that sweet golden domey goodness.

I guarantee that none of that is true. Donny didn't 'talk to Canada.' Canada isn't 'interested.' Donny's just making shit up.

once again, the president of the United States is typing fever-swamp hallucinations into his phone, and farting them out into the world. why? to accomplish what? does Donny imagine that Mark Carney is going see Donny's not-tweet, and go 'oh yeah, I guess we should become America's hat'?

Donny is living a dream world. Canada does not want to be our hat — and the promise of an expensive, unworkable, pie-in-the-literal-sky defense system that will never be built isn't going to change that.

it's bad enough for Canada that they find themselves living above a meth lab. they don't want to become part of that shit.

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oh look, it's not just Russia who has no respect for Mad King Donny. Wall Street is mocking the shit out of Dear Leader, too.

that four letter code word is TACO. here's what it stands for:

Trump Always Chickens Out.

It refers to the president's tendency to announce massive tariffs, causing the markets to plunge, only to back off days later, causing them to rise again.

TACO is now an official investment strategy.

Ted Jenkin, president of Exit Stage Left Advisors, told the New York Post there's now a simple strategy on Wall Street based on those shifts.

"Once he delivers bad news, investors are buying those stocks when they are beaten down waiting for him to chicken out and watching those stocks rebound in value," he explained.

so now, even Wall Street is laughing at the Mad King — and enriching themselves at the same time.

heck of a job, Donny.

this is an updated version of my Memorial Day post from May 27, 2024.

today is Memorial Day. you're going to hear a lot of bloviating from the Usual Republican Suspects about how much they honor and respectour nation's fallen heroes.

they're going to be all over social media, tweeting out the same old boilerplate platitudes about duty and sacrifice.

it's all bullshit. the GOP fucking hates our troops.

as always, watch what they do, not what they say.

soldiers, sailors and marines are useful props whenever some asshole conservative needs to burnish their "patriot" cred, but when it comes time to actually support them — say, by helping them when they're in need — it's a completely different story.

here we have a bunch of Republican Senators fist-bumping. why? because they just blocked a bill that would have expanded healthcare coverage for military veterans exposed to toxic burn pits during their service.

who the fuck celebrates that?

awesome job, you evil soulless hypocrites — because nothing says "we support our heroes" so much as "just fucking die."

fast forward to this year. in April, the Space Nazi's merry band of pimply DOGE incels showed up at the Department of Veterans Affairs and said good news, everyone — you're all fired. they then took a wrecking ball to the place.

right now, the VA is so understaffed that veterans calling in with need for assistance can't get anyone to answer the phone. that's "just fucking die" on steroids.

listen up, shitheads: you send a person into a war zone and tell them to fight for their country, and when they come back injured and permanently disabled, you fucking well take care of them — forever.

it's basic human decency.

head-trauma poster boy Tommy Tuberville is a complete bag of shit in every way. he's posted an eight minute video about how super fucking grateful he is for our troops. don't bother watching it, you'll just get stupider.

"It's Memorial Day weekend. Memorial Day is about more than just grilling out by the lake. It's a time to reflect and be grateful for the tremendous sacrifices that have been made for our freedom."

ugh.

let's not forget that Mr. Should Have Worn A Helmet When He Played Football single-handedly blocked all military promotions for the better part of a year. why would T-Tubes do this? because he had worked himself up into a big hissy over a Pentagon policy that paid the travel expenses of raped soldiers in need of abortions. how dare they.

Terminally-Concussed Tommy so screwed with U.S. military readiness that a top Marine general ended up hospitalized from a cardiac event caused by the stress of having to do two jobs at once.

but sure, Tommy — please tell us once more about how you're "grateful for the tremendous sacrifices that have been made for our freedom." no, wait — don't bother.

just fuck all the way off.

here's something that white supremacy's middle manager, Steve Scalise, tweeted out on Veterans Day 2023:

"America is the greatest nation in the history of the world because of the bravery and sacrifices of our veterans. Join me in thanking and honoring all those who answered the call to serve our country and defend our freedoms—because without them we'd have neither. #VeteransDay"

Steve, with all due respect, you too can go fuck yourself.

let's have a look at your stellar record:

you voted against the VA Employee Fairness Act, the Veteran Service Recognition Act, the PACT Act (twice), the Equal Access to Contraception for Veterans Act, and the Ensuring Veterans Smooth Transition Act.

for a guy who claims to honor those who made sacrifices, you have an odd way of showing it.

last Veterans Day, Handy Oakley took a minute off from playing lap hockey to post this drivel:

"Without our Veterans the American Dream would not be possible. To anyone who has ever worn the uniform, thank you!"

sit down and shut the fuck up, you vapid bobblehead.

let's see how you show your appreciation: in your first term in Congress, you made 15 anti-veteran votes. in 2023, you voted to cut funding for the 49,000 veterans in your district by supporting a bill that would gut their health care.

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and don't even get me started on this diaperload.

Cadet Bone Spurs has spent his entire life finding ways to insult and dishonor our troops. Biden-Harris HQ assembled this greatest hits video:

here's what this dipshit posted this morning on his own crappy app:

right back atcha, draft dodger.

let's not forget that in November 2018, as world leaders gathered at a cemetery in France to honor the memory of US soldiers killed while fighting in World War One, Donny blew the whole thing off — because it was drizzling lightly and he didn't want that weird tangle of piss-colored bullshit on top of his head to get wet. instead, he spent the day rage-tweeting from his hotel room. good times, bro, good times.

let's not forget this disgraceful episode:

on October 4, 2017, four US soldiers involved in special operations in Niger were ambushed and killed.

how did Commander-in-Chief Dickface von Fuckstain react? he told the families of the slain soldiers that "they knew what they signed up for" and then engaged in a petty twitter spat with a grieving widow.

then he went on TV to praise himself and brag about how he handled the situation better than Obama would have. he also disavowed any responsibility for the soldiers' mission.

let's also not forget that in conversations with his chief of staff John Kelly, Donny referred to prisoners of war as "suckers" because "there is nothing in it for them." he also called soldiers killed in action "losers."

then there was the time that the US Navy had to hide an entire fucking warship, the USS John S. McCain, because they knew that Trump would throw a shit-fit if he saw it.

what kind of overgrown diaper-baby gets mad at a fucking boat?

let's not ever forget that incident in 2024 when Donny barged his way into Arlington National Cemetery to do a disgraceful thumb's-up campaign photo-op while trampling over the graves of fallen heroes — and grinning like an asshole the whole time.

when an Arlington staffer — a US Army sergeant — tried to stop this abomination from taking place, Donny's thugs roughly shoved her out of the way, because fuck you, that's why.

while campaigning last year, he mocked Nikki Haley because her husband, an active-duty soldier, is deployed overseas.

"Where's her husband? Oh, he's away. … What happened to her husband? Where is he? He's gone," Trump said at his rally in Conway, his first visit to the state this year.

Michael Haley is deployed in Africa with the South Carolina Army National Guard in support of the United States Africa Command, his second active-duty deployment overseas.

hey, remember that Pentagon policy that got Terminally-Concussed Tommy Tuberville so upset — the one that paid the travel expenses of raped soldiers in need of abortions? Tommy should be happy now, because Donny shitcanned it four days after taking the oath of office.

now I want to repost something I wrote on September 24, 2023 — because of all the shitty episodes regarding Little Donny Fuckface's callous treatment of our troops, this one just might be the rock-bottom worst:

meanwhile, another heartwarming story came to light this week, about Donald Trump's deep and enduring love and devotion for our nation's wounded combat troops.

At his welcome ceremony at Joint Base Myer–Henderson Hall, across the Potomac River from the capital, Milley gained an early, and disturbing, insight into Trump's attitude toward soldiers. Milley had chosen a severely wounded Army captain, Luis Avila, to sing "God Bless America." Avila, who had completed five combat tours, had lost a leg in an IED attack in Afghanistan and had suffered two heart attacks, two strokes, and brain damage as a result of his injuries. To Milley, and to four-star generals across the Army, Avila and his wife, Claudia, represented the heroism, sacrifice, and dignity of wounded soldiers.

It had rained that day, and the ground was soft; at one point Avila's wheelchair threatened to topple over. Milley's wife, Holly­anne, ran to help Avila, as did Vice President Mike Pence. After Avila's performance, Trump walked over to congratulate him, but then said to Milley, within earshot of several witnesses, "Why do you bring people like that here? No one wants to see that, the wounded."Never let Avila appear in public again, Trump told Milley. (Recently, Milley invited Avila to sing at his retirement ceremony.)

what a cold-hearted dick.

"why do you bring people like that here? no one wants to see that, the wounded."

imagine you're a severely wounded soldier. after five combat tours, sacrificing yourself for your country — you find yourself in a military hospital, minus one leg, your life permanently altered. you live though months of hell — bedridden, undergoing multiple operations and grueling physical therapy — and when finally you're discharged, you're confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life.

and what does the President of the United States — your Commander in Chief — say about you?

"no one wants to see that, the wounded."

fuck you, Donald Trump. you piece of shit.

let's look at how a real patriot honors our troops.

one year ago, President Joe Biden gave the commencement address to West Point's graduating class. afterwards, he spent over an hour saluting and shaking the hands of each one of the 1,036 graduates. he didn't ask what was in it for them. he didn't call them suckers and losers. no one had to hide any warships.

at this year's West Point commencement ceremony, after rambling incoherently about trophy wives to mystified cadets, Donny Convict teetered off stage and hurried the fuck out of there. the MAGA-cap-wearing shithead didn't shake a single hand.

he then spent the rest of the day cheating at golf at his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery.

Donny, Tuberville, Scalise, Handy Oakley, the whole worthless lot of them — the next time any of these grandstanding hypocrites starts going on and on about how much they love the shit out of our troops, remember: watch what they do, not what they say.