Spend Your Money Accordingly

Companies That Donated Heavily To Trump (and only to Trump)

      1. 1-800-Flowers
      2. 2. Ace Hardware (supported both sides)
      3. Act Fluoride Mouthwash
      4. Alamo Rental Cars
      5. Allegiant Air
      6. Anthropology
      7. Arby’s
      8. Armor All Cleaning Products
      9. Ashley Furniture
      10. AutoZone
      11. Bacardi
      12. Bali
      13. Baskin-Robbins (donated to both sides, but Cold Stone SHOULD be on this list, they were heavily Republican)
      14. Bausch & Lomb
      15. Big Heart Pet Brands
      16. Bike Athletics
      17. Blue Bell Creameries
      18. Boost Mobile
      19. Brooks Running Shoes
      20. (blank for some reason)
      21. Buffalo Wild Wings
      22. Buick
      23. Cadillac
      24. Carl’s Jr.
      25. Charmin
      26. Chevrolet
      27. Chiquita Brands
      28. Chobani Yogurts
      29. Cincinnati Financial
      30. Cinnabon
      31. Coors (Any Beer)
      32. Conair Hair Products
      33. Cousinart Kitchen Products
      34. Dairy Queen
      35. Dean Foods
      36. Dole Foods
      37. Dudley Sports
      38. Dunkin’ Donuts
      39. Enterprise Rental Car
      40. Exxon
      41. Farberware
      42. Florists (.com)
      43. Folgers
      44. Free People
      45. Fruit Bouquets
      46. Fruit of the Loom
      47. Fry’s Electronics
      48. Garmin
      49. Geico Insurance
      50. George Foreman Grill
      51. GMC
      52. GNC
      53. Grey Goose
      54. Hanes
      55. Hardee’s
      56. Helzberg Diamonds
      57. Hendrick Motorsports
      58. Hershey products
      59. Hobby Lobby
      60. Home Goods
      61. Hoover Vacuum Cleaners
      62. Horizon Bank
      63. Jimmy Dean
      64. Keller Williams Realty
      65. L.L. Bean
      66. Lando Lakes
      67. Las Vegas Sands
      68. Legs
      69. Made in Form
      70. Marshalls
      71. Martin’s Famous Pastry Shops
      72. McDonald’s
      73. Meow Mix
      74. Miller’s (Any Beer)
      75. Milwaukee’s Best (Any Beer)
      76. Mobile
      77. Molson (Any Beer)
      78. Molson’s
      79. Motorola
      80. My Pillow
      81. Napa Auto Parts
      82. New Orleans Saints
      83. New York Yankees
      84. Norwegian Cruise Lines
      85. Old Dutch Foods
      86. Omni Hotels
      87. Oreck Vacuums
      88. Papa John’s
      89. Pepperonis
      90. Playtex
      91. Procter & Gamble products
      92. Public Storage
      93. Public Supermarket
      94. Purdue Farms
      95. Rayovac
      96. Schlotzky’s Restaurant Franchise
      97. Shell Oil
      98. Sierra Trading Post
      99. Slumberland
      100. Smucker’s products
      101. Soma Intimates
      102. Spalding
      103. Stanley Black & Decker Hardware
      104. Star Furniture
      105. Stiletto Power & Hand Tools
      106. Sunoco
      107. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
      108. The Popcorn Factory
      109. Tito’s Vodka (could not be verified)
      110. Toastmaster Appliances
      111. Tractor Supply
      112. Turtle Wax
      113. Urban Outfitters
      114. Vanity Fair
      115. Walmart
      116. Wendy’s
      117. Wonder Bread
      118. Wow Cable
      119. Wynn Resorts

Should be on the list: Home Depot, Cold Stone Creameries

Sources: Goods Unite Us and Open Secrets

Content Source: https://boardgamegeek.com/thread/3450401/companies-that-donated-heavily-to-trump-and-only-t

Midweek Elation From Jeff Tiedrich


Michelle Obama’s famous slogan, “when they go low, we go high” sounds really great on paper — but in a time of war, it’s a good way to get your head blown off.

and believe me, we are in a time of war — a war to preserve whatever scraps of democracy we still can, while there’s still a chance.

this isn’t the time for high-minded tut-tutting, or strongly-worded letters — which is why it’s so satisfying to watch New York Governor Kathy Hochul vow to go nuclear.

“I want to thank [Texas Democrats] so much for making this journey. you are on the right side of history — and you’re not alone. we are in solidarity with each and every one of you, and your colleagues in another state, hosted by my great friend JD Pritzker, welcome you as well. as I said, history will judge us on how we respond to this moment. but here in New York, we will no stand on the sidelines with the timid souls who don’t care, will not invest their heart and soul into this battle. this is a war. we are at war. and that’s why the gloves are off, and I say ‘bring it on.’”

Kathy Hochul understands the assignment, and she’s drawn a clear line in the sand: don’t fuck with us. if you gerrymander your state, we’ll gerrymander ours.

Hochul has embraced changing New York’s process since the fight over the Lone Star State maps escalated last month. Other Democrats have gone along as well: New York lawmakers introduced a state constitutional amendment last week that would let Democrats make mid-decade adjustments to their maps before the 2028 election cycle.

The redistricting effort she’s pushing in New York could open the door to a new set of maps that give Democrats an edge in 22 of the state’s 26 congressional districts by 2028. They won 19 of the 26 seats in 2024.

New York’s district maps are currently drawn by an independent commission, and Hochul is all that shit don’t fly no more.

reporter: “do you think, given the situation where we’ve had these court battles, that in this 2027 amendment that you may put forward that the independent redistricting commission should be disbanded, or changed in some way?”

Hochul: “yes. I’m tired with fighting this fight with my hands tied behind my back. with all due respect to the good government groups, politics is a political process. and to think we’re gonna do this with a purity test and make sure it’s completely fair to everybody involved. the reason we are able to draw the lines is because we’re Democrats and because the majority of state elected us to be leaders. and when we say that we cannot use that power to its fullest, then we’re abdicating the responsibility that we all have. Republicans take over the legislature, they can have at it — but until then, we’re in charge, and we’re sick and tired of being pushed around, when other states don’t have the same aspirations that we always have had — and I hold those dear. but I cannot ignore that that the playing field has changed, and shame on us if we ignore that fact, and cling tight to the vestiges of the past. that era is over. Donald Trump eliminated that forever.”

fuck yeah, Kathy Hochul. how long have you waited for those words to come out of the mouth of an elected Democrat?

that weird, unfamiliar feeling you’re experiencing right now is elation.

it sure feels good, doesn’t it, finally hearing a Democrat actually say that the playing field has changed, and the era of ‘oh, we’re Democrats, we’re above fighting back’ is over?

now get ready to overdose on elation, because Gavin Newsom is promising to redraw California’s map.

“these folks don’t play by the rules. if they can’t win under the current rules, they’ll just change them. that’s what Donald Trump has done. he’s dialing for seats—familiar behavior, since he dialed for votes in the last election. this is someone who tried to break this country, who tried to light democracy on fire on January 6th. he knows he’s going to lose in the midterms, and we have the opportunity to de facto end the Trump presidency in less than 18 months. that’s what’s at stake. that’s why we’re putting a stake in the ground. we’re not drawing lines just to draw lines — we’re holding the line: on democracy, on the rule of law, on co-equal branches of government, on popular sovereignty. that’s what this is about.”

they’re so chickenshit, these Republicans. they know that Donny’s policies fucking suck, and they know they’re going to get crushed in the 2026 elections and lose their majority in the House — so they’re going to do the only thing they know how to do: cheat.

finally, at long last, Democratic Governors are rousing from their slumbers and actually doing something to preserve democracy, before it’s too late.

thank you, Kathy Hochul and Gavin Newsom — and JB Pritzker, too.

thank you to every Democratic governor currently contemplating redrawing their electoral maps, for finally figuring it the fuck out:

this is a war.


you’ll never guess how Republicans reacted to getting a taste of their own medicine. they fell all the fuck to pieces and started whining about how unfair Democrats are.

“it is unconstitutional. it is illegal. but here’s what’s going on. everyone across the country needs to understand this. Gavin Newsom is planning to steal five Republican house seats next year … we cannot allow Gavin Newsom to get away with it.”

oh, boo fucking hoo. eat binkie, pal.

can you believe the nerve of these crybabies?

to these hypocritical shitnozzles, it’s perfectly okay for Texas to rip up their district maps in the middle of an election cycle in order gain five more Republican seats. but if Gavin Newsom does the exact same thing to give Democrats the edge in California, suddenly they’re clutching their chests and staggering to their fainting couches.

so unfair! so unfair!

nice histrionics, pal. now dry your eyes and put on a fresh diaper. you brought this war on yourselves.

let’s talk about Texas’s 1st congressional district. from 1846 to 2005 — 159 solid years — that seat was held by a Democrat. not one Republican was elected to the House of Representatives from TX-1. then, in 2005, Republicans gerrymandered the shit out of their maps. guess who’s been TX-1’s congressman since then?

that’s right, it’s this gibbering gobshite.


Louis Gohmert. the low-wattage fuckwit who said we could fight climate change by altering the moon’s orbit. I shit you not.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) asked during a House Natural Resources subcommittee hearing if the National Forest Service and Bureau of Land Management could change the orbits of the moon and Earth in order to help address climate change. Gohmert’s office did not respond to CNN’s requests to clarify his remarks.

thanks to rigged maps, that’s the moron who’s been representing the voters of TX-1 for the last twenty years.

Gohmert was the first Republican to represent the district since Reconstruction. Proving just how Republican the reconfigured district is, Gohmert was reelected seven times with no less than 68 percent of the vote.

and now Texas wants to rig their maps again. they want to send five more Gohmert-level nincompoops to the House, in order to preserve the Republican majority they will otherwise almost certainly lose next year.

yeah? well, fuck that shit and fuck it hard. Republicans, let me introduce you to Kathy Hochul and Gavin Newsom. they’re not playing patty-cake any more.


what the situation in Texas — where over 50 Dems have left the state in order to break quorum and block legislation — calls for is a really futile and stupid gesture, and Texas Republicans are just the people to do it.

The Texas House voted Monday afternoon to track down and arrest more than 50 Democratic lawmakers who were not present when the chamber gaveled in. After the 85-6 vote, House Speaker Dustin Burrows said he would immediately sign civil warrants for each of the legislators, empowering the chamber’s sergeant-at-arms and state troopers to arrest and bring them to the Capitol.

ooooh, scary!


this threat to arrest Dems is nothing more than a toothless and impotent bit of performative nonsense.

They will not face civil or criminal charges from the arrests. The warrants apply only within state lines, making them largely symbolic as most of the legislators in question decamped to Illinois, New York and Massachusetts to forestall passage of the GOP’s proposed redraw of Texas’ congressional map.

Texas’ razor-wire-booby-trap-loving sadist of a governor, Greg Abbott, is also melting down into a big puddle of hissy right now.

Abbott has threatened to remove the lawmakers from office if they do not return to vote on the Trump-backed redistricting of the state. The governor also suggested that the lawmakers have committed felonies by fundraising to pay off their $500-a-day fees for not being present.

“This truancy ends now,” Abbott said in a letter sent to each of the departed members. “The derelict Democrat House members must return to Texas and be in attendance when the House reconvenes at 3:00 PM on Monday, August 4, 2025.”

here’s the official Democratic response to Razor Wire Greg’s temper tantrum.

oh my god, here comes the elation again. I think I’m passing out…


this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Enforcing ethics would purge Republicans.

Republicans stay in power because they hold themselves to zero principles/standards.

Republicans would lose the President, VP, Attorney General, FBI, entire Cabinet, and six SCOTUS justices. Just for starters.

Republicans know pedophiles are in power and will scorch the Earth to keep them in power.

Shutting down the House for almost two months is proof of their cover up.

Republican policies need disgusting men.

Tuesday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich


if Mad King Donny thought questions about his dead pedo bestie wouldn’t follow him all the way to his dilapidated Scotland golf motel, boy did he think wrong — but thinking wrong has pretty much always been Donny’s brand.

Preznit Fuckwit had one of his Many Big Meetings™ yesterday — this one with British Prime Minister Keir Starmer. ostensibly, the meeting was to announce that the two countries had once again agreed to meet to discuss an outline for a framework for notes of a concept for an inkling of a trade deal — but none of the assembled reporters wanted to talk about that dog-and-pony shit. their questions were more along the lines of what the fuck are you covering up, bro?’

reporter: “you said you have not been briefed on the Epstein Files, or your name does not appear in the Epstein Files. but doesn’t the AG have to tell you if your name—”

Donny: “well, I haven’t been overly interested in it. you know, it’s something— it’s a hoax that’s been built up way beyond proportion. I can say this, those files were run by the worst scum on earth. they were run by, uh, Comey, they were run by Garland, they were run by Biden and all of the people that actually ran the government, including the autopen. those files were run for four years, by those people. if they had anything, I assume they would have released it. the whole thing is a hoax. they ran the files. I was running against somebody that ran the files. if they had something, they would have released— now, they can easily put something in the file that’s a phony.”

hoo-boy. let’s see if we can parse this lunatic’s shit-blizzard of tortured logic.

first of all, President Pudding Cup doesn’t know what’s in the files, because he’s ‘not overly interested’ in them — but he does know that whatever’s in them is a hoax. but he also knows that nothing incriminating is in them, because if there were, Biden would have released them. but maybe there isfake stuff, because it would be easy to do. Donny can’t stick to one story.

notice how the cast of characters keeps changing. last week, Obama and Hillary were in the mix. this week, they’re gone, replaced by Merrick Garland and — get this — Joe Biden’s autopen. how the fuck does that work? how did the autopen help write the Epstein Files? can we get Comer Fudd to subpoena the autopen? I’ll bet it’s got stories to tell that would set your ears on fire.

never lose sight of the fact that Donny ran on a promise to release the Epstein Files — a promise he swore to keep, right up until the moment Pam Bondi took him aside and said ‘shut the fuck up about the Files already, your name is all over that shit.’ that’s when the Files magically went from real to a hoax.

that’s why none of Donny’s pungent mouth-farts about how ‘the Files are a hoax’ hold water.

every time Donny opens his big fat yap, he just makes himself sound guiltier and guiltier.

what’s that you say, Donny? you want to dig yourself deeper? go right ahead, my dude.

“and by the way, I never went to the island. and Bill Clinton went there supposedly uhhhhhhh 28 times. uh, I never went to the island, but Larry Summers, I hear, went there. he was the head of Harvard, and many other people who are very big people, nobody ever talks about them. I never had the privilege of going to his island. and I did turn it down, but a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island.”

methinks the Mad King doth protest too much.

Donny never went to Epstein’s island, understand? but look over there! Bill Clinton did, and so did Larry Summers! so did ‘many big people’! and ‘people in Palm Beach’! hey, you know who else went to Epstein Island? SQUIRREL!

by the way, where is Donny getting his information that Bill Clinton was at the island 28 times? is it from the fake Epstein Files that Hillary Clinton was one of the authors of? did she put that in there, the number 28? or was it the autopen who did that?

remember that with Donny, every accusation is a confession. his angry insistence that he’s never been to Epstein’s island is all the proof you need that he’s been there so many times that he could draw a map of it for you. oh no, wait — Donny doesn’t do drawings.

reporter: “that drawing that the Wall Street Journal report—”

Donny: “I don’t do drawings. I’m not a drawing person. I don’t do drawings … I don’t do drawings of women, that I can tell you. they say there’s a drawing of a woman, and I don’t do drawings of women.”

fact check:

does the Imbecile-in-Chief really not understand how totally guilty he makes himself look when he denies doing what we’ve all seen him do?

how’d that fucking drawing get in the book, Donny? was it Joe Biden’s autopen?

keep talking, Donny. you’re guaranteeing that the press never drops this story.

and now for the Crowning Moment of Moron. Donny’s going to — to at long last — divulge a 20-year-old secret: why did he break up with his pedo bestie? we’re all on the edge of our chair right now, because until this moment, Donny’s always refused to talk about it.

lay it on us, honcho.

reporter: “the time you threw him out of Mar-a-Lago. would you settle that? what was that all about?”

Donny: “that’s such old history. very easy to explain, but I don’t want to waste your time by explaining it. but for years, I wouldn’t talk to Jeffrey Epstein. I wouldn’t talk, because he did something that was inappropriate: he hired help. and I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he stole people that worked for me. I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he did it again, and I threw him out of the place. and that was it.”

[I’d wager that good ol’ Jeff tried to get a piece of Ivanka, and as we all know, she’s strictly Donnie’s property. – MA]

wait, what? that’s what Donny’s pedo bestie did, that was ‘inappropriate’? he poached workers from Donny’s shitty golf motel?

that’s Donny line in the sand? that’s his bridge too fucking far?

so that’s what broke the friendship apart. not the fact that Epstein was a complete skeeve. that wasn’t ‘inappropriate.’ not the fact that Epstein literally raped the teenage girls that his equally-skeevy girlfriend procured for him. no, all that was totes cool with Donny, and certainly not ‘inappropriate,’ either.

all these slime-balls deserve each other — in hell.

oh, wait — before we go, let’s watch Donny struggle to answer a question that for once wasn’t about his dead pedo bestie.

reporter: “you talked about setting up food centers in conjunction with other organizations.”

here’s how you can tell that this European reporter has never dealt with America’s Mad King before: he uses a big word like ‘conjunction.’ but let’s let him continue.

reporter: “are you talking about Gaza? how will this work?”

Donny: “well it’s going to be working with the United States, uh, helping with the food. we have a lot of access to food. we gotta lotta food, ourselves, and we’re gonna bring it over there. we’re also going to make sure they don’t have barriers stopping people. you’ve seen the area where they actually have food, and the people are screaming for food, they’re thirty-five, forty yards away, and they won’t let them because they have lines. that are set up. and whether they’re set up by Hamas or whoever, they’re very strict lines. we have to get rid of those lines.”

what is Donny blithering about, he’s seen ‘lines’ set up by ‘Hamas or whoever,’ and that’s why starving Palestinians can’t get food?

once again, Donny doesn’t know shit about shit — but all this incoherent gibberish makes much more sense when you realize that Donny is probably reacting to a context-free clip he saw on Fox News. he has no idea what the lines were for, or who set them up — ‘Hamas or whoever’ — because he no doubt had the sound turned down and was only half paying attention.

that’s where Donny is getting his information on the massive, deliberate human rights violations going on in Gaza: from Fox News. he’s as fucking ignorant about current events as his own brain-dead cultists are.

maybe it was Joe Biden’s autopen that drew that line.

but wait — it gets stupider.

Donny: “we’re going to be getting some good strong food.”

I’m sorry, good strong what?

the sitting president of the United States has a toddler’s understanding of the world, and a vocabulary to match. it really makes you want to guzzle paint thinner straight from the can.


here’s your hero of the day: the unknown person who interrupted Donny’s remarks on the front steps of his ramshackle Scotland golf motel.

give a listen as Donny gets drowned out by the only sound on the planet more annoying than his own grating voice: bagpipes.

can we please hire this person to come to Washington, DC?

We’re Living In The Worst Timeline

 

oh yes he did, and a camera captured the entire dirty deed. I promise, we’re going to talk about it. but first…

sometimes you just want to take your average Republican aside and go ‘what’s the deal with you? as an infant, were you dropped on your head, like, over and over? did you eat ALL the lead paint chips? was there a gas leak in your house?’

how the fuck else do you explain this?

“just so people understand, wind and solar only work when there is wind and sun. we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar. so if you make yourself reliant on wind and solar, then if there’s no sun and no wind, you get no energy. it’s insane.”

oh my sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, how does Republican hand-puppet Marc Thiessen not know about the existence of batteries?

what other modern-day advances is Thiessen serenely unaware of? does he serve his children uncooked meat, cheerfully explaining that ‘just so you understand, we don’t have the technology to get food really hot’?

of course, there is an actual explanation for Theissen’s apparent ignorance of twenty-first century tech — and, sadly, that explanation has nothing to do with paint chips or head trauma. it’s worse.

Thiessen knows how storage batteries work. he’s just pretending to be a dipshit because he — along with the entire Republican establishment — have sold their souls to this fucking imbecile.

President Paintchips McDroppedonhead is a genuine fuckwit who knows dick about dick. he really does imagine that solar planes drop out of the sky when they fly under a cloud.

because Dear Leader is a volatile toddler who can Never Be Wrong About Anything, everyone is forced to play along, and insist that ‘we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar.’

if Thiessen went on TV and said, ‘Donny is so wrong about renewable technology,’ his career as a speechwriter and a think tank fellow and a WaPo columnist would be over.

it would be fuckity-bye, fat paycheck. so long, invitations to the best cocktail parties. sayonara, appearances on Fox News.

same deal with Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin.

Markwayne’s already stood up in the well of the Senate and loudly proclaimed that, regarding Donny’s dead pedo bestie, what we’re simply trying to do is give [Donny] cover — so you know that everything that falls out of his dumb mouth is compromised.

to stay in Dear Leader’s good graces, Markwayne has to pretend that he has no idea how years work, or when anything happened, ever.

Markwayne Mullin: “remember, there was a plea deal that was struck in 2009, way before I was in office, way before Trump was even considering to be in office, way before Pam Bondi was in office, way before Kash Patel was director, 2009, there was a sweetheart plea deal that was made underneath the Obama administration with Epstein, and that sweetheart has not been exposed.”

Jake Tapper: “no, it was 2008. the US attorney at the time was a guy named Alex Acosta. he was a Bush appointee. He went on to become President Trump’s secretary of labor. that all took place in 2008.”

Mullin: “who was in office at the time?”

Tapper: “2008, George W. Bush.”

Mullin: “no, 2009 was when the case came out, and Obama was in office at the time.”

Tapper: “it’s not true.”

imagine being so pig-headedly wrong about something that even that grinning hack Jake Tapper is forced to commit a journalism and fact-check you.


oh look, America’s self-appointed panty inspector has found something she gets off on more than doing Restroom Dick Patrol.

“one of my favorite things to watch on YouTube these days are the court hearings where illegals are in court and ICE shows up to drag them out of court and deport them. I can think of nothing more American.”

ugh. just … ugh.

the thing is, Nancy isn’t pretending. unlike her colleagues Marc and Markwayne, she’s not making up some story in order to mollify Dear Leader.

she really is this fucked in the head.

I have no problem believing that Nancy Mace, at the end of a long day, kicks back by settling in with a box of wine, opening a browser tab, and laughing out loud as immigrants who have shown up in court to fulfill their legal duty are wrestled to the ground by masked goons, dragged away in handcuffs and disappeared into Salvadoran slave-labor torture gulags.

and how does Nancy explain her over-the-top glee at the expense of other peoples’ misery?

“I can think of nothing more American.”

what a horrible excuse for a human being.

here you go, Nance. you win today’s Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck Award.

all this Republican psychopathy is in service of a preening narcissist who has been coddled to the point where an entire infrastructure of cheating has been created around him, so he can blissfully live inside a fantasy-bubble where he’s the very bestest of the best at everything.

check out what happened yesterday at Donny’s Scotland golf motel. Donny had hit his ball into the rough, or the sand trap — it doesn’t really matter where it is, because Donny’s not going to play that ball. watch:

that’s right, Donny’s caddie casually pulls a new ball out of his pocket and tosses it on the ground for Donny to take a swing at.

that caddie didn’t have to be told to cheat. he walks around with pockets stuffed with extra golf balls, because — just like Marc Theissen and MarkWayne Mullin — he knows what’s expected of him.

that’s how Donny — a mediocre golfer at best — has “won” eleventy skillion consecutive championships at his own golf motels: by cheating his cheating ass off.

and everyone around Donny is expected to shut the fuck up and pretend that cheating isn’t really cheating when Dear Leader does it.

let’s zoom in and slow that shit down.

when I showed this clip to Ms. Spouse just now, she shook her head and said ‘he really is a piece of shit.’

no lies detected.

The Week In Stupid From Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.


monday: stop the presses! no wait, start them back up

here’s Utah Senator Mike Lee with some stunning news — the kind of five-alarm shit you can only announce with flashing siren emojis.

holy shit. Fed Chair Jerome Powell is out! fuck yeah! BUH-BYE, Jerome, you obstructionist cum-sock! rack up another win for Dear Leader!

I mean, it’s totally weird how no actual news source is reporting this, but look: Mike’s posted the resignation letter — and Mike’s an actual US Senator, so it’s got to be legit, right?

hang on — wait just one goddamned minute, what’s going on with that seal down at the bottom? let’s take a closer look.

Mike Lee, you fucking imbecile. you got taken in by some shoddy AI-generated slop.

look at the lettering, you dunce. “Odeo of Govery8s8 of the Eirebal Reserve SielVa” — which just happens to be my favorite branch of government, because they’re the ones who sAe our en5rre coun!ey’s in#riiet r4t88.

the Senator Dipshit deleted his tweet, but — look, Mike, I hate to be the one to break this to you: you do know what the internet never does, don’t you?

that’s right, it never forgets.


tuesday: cloudy with a chance of dumbfuck

what happened to Naomi Wolf? she used be a garden-variety ‘wellness’ crank who dabbled in vaccine denial, but evidently the covid pandemic completely clownfucked her brain, because now she’s a full-bore conspiracy loon.

not only does Naomi find the evil machinations of the Deep State lurking around every corner — she seems completely befuddled by the sky.

“I don’t even know what this is, Salem MA”

ooh! ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! I know the answer!

oh wait, the entire internet got there before me.

now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter —

— because the entire internet also showed up to mock the shit out of Naomi’s dumb-as-fuck tweet.

undaunted, Naomi’s back for more.

ok, I confess, Naomi. this is what clouds look like when the Jewish Space Lasers are scanning the Earth in search of fuckwit conspiracy loons to torment.

don’t mess with us.


wednesday: the more you know

hey, remember Glenn Beck? me neither. as one of Fox News’ original found objects, he was fucking huge back in the day, with a highly-rated daily show. but that was then, and this is now. Glenn still does a show. you can see it on the who even cares, nobody watches it network.

what happens when a parody becomes a parody of itself? get ready to find out, because here’s Glenn to explain exactly how Barack HUSSEIN Obama treasoned with Russia.

oh my god, Obama’s evil conspiracy has so many tentacles that TWO chalkboards can barely contain the ginormity of it.

good lord, Glenn Beck has meme-ified himself.

but of all the questions raised by Glenn’s two chalkboards, there’s only one that I need answered: has Glenn Beck been filching his wardrobe out of the dumpster behind Steve Bannon’s house?


thursday: you know a lot of what now?

listen up, all you commie rat bastards trying to take down our Great Dear Leader. Tennessee Rep Tim Burchett has a question for you: what’s the big deal about Donny having a dead pedo bestie? don’t we all?

“they knew each other. they ran in the same circles. it’s just like me. I know a lot of dirtbags myself.”

excuse me, you what?

that’s a stunning confession, Tim — and we’re going to need to know a lot more about these ‘dirbags’ you’re hanging out with.

does your name show up over and over on their flight logs?

do your dirtbag friends have 14 different phone numbers for you in their little black books?

do you encourage your children to hang out with your dirtbag friends?

most importantly, do you and your dirtbag friends get up into the kind of madcap hijinks where you invite a bunch of young “calendar girls” to a “party” at your tacky Florida golf motel, and when they get there, they find out that the only two dudes in attendance are you and your fuckface pedo pal?

just asking questions, Tim. we’re still allowed to ask questions in the Mad King’s hellish dystopia, aren’t we?


friday: you see what kind of people?

you may have asked yourself, how did Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack HUSSEIN Obama find the time to gin up all that fake Epstein File flim-flammery, just to make Dear Leader look bad?

I mean, they produced hundreds of thousands of pages of documents. that’s a lot of work for just three people, isn’t it? even with the help of James Comey and John Brennan, come on, that’s still a fuckload of effort.

QAnon conspiracy crank Scott McKay has the answer: ginning up all that bogus data is a piece of cake when everyone involved is dead.

my contact called me afterwards and gave me an amazing drop of information, or confirmation, of what exactly has been going on in this battle. number one is that Hillary Clinton has been removed from the playing field. she was removed December 31st, 2018, I believe it was, at Gitmo. Trump witnessed it. horrible thing he saw, he said. apparently she wouldn’t die. so, he said he never wanted to see it again. also there were six, five different Bidens that have been playing out that role. I just got off the phone with the same person, who is now overseas. I sent him a text earlier about something, and he said, by the way, and I won’t mention the woman’s name, who this came from, this is a high-level official. but he said, the text that I just got from her, said, ‘fake Obama — arrest coming soon.’ so, once again, these players have already been removed from the playing field.”

um, Scott? Nurse Ratched is here to remind you that it’s medication time.

now here’s the nice attendant to help you back to your bed, bro.


this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Midweek Madness From Jeff Tiedrich


some days, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that you don’t even know where to start. so let’s just spin the Big Wheel of Moron and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

oh look, the House just made itself go fuckity-bye for the rest of the summer.


why? because mean old Thomas Massie has been walking around with a big, throbbing discharge petition in his pants, and he’s been threatening to expose it to everyone.

House Speaker Limpdick Von Gavel had worked himself into a Ginormous Furious over this discharge petition — because had Massie gotten the chance to pull it out, it would have forced a vote on releasing the Epstein Files.

The acrimony comes as Massie continues to push for a vote on his bipartisan resolution calling for the release of documents in the Jeffrey Epstein case, a measure many Republicans are opposed to. Massie is vowing to use a discharge petition to force a vote on the measure, something rarely used by a member of the majority.

and so Speaker Limpdick did the only thing he could. he bravely ran away, away.

in fact, he made everyone run away.

Speaker Mike Johnson announced on Tuesday that he was cutting short the week’s legislative business and sending the House home early for the summer on Wednesday to avoid having to hold votes on releasing files related to the accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.

there you have it, folks. that’s the length to which the entire Republican apparatus will go to suppress every shred of evidence about the sick shit that Dear Leader and his dead pedo bestie were up to — they’ll even make themselves go fuckity-bye.

the most useless Congress in history now goes home for the rest of the summer. apart from that big ugly bill that shreds the social safety net while giving another huge tax cut to gazillionaires, they accomplished fuck-all. they couldn’t even manage to rename a post office.

now, all these worthless Republican Reps can go back to their home districts and do fuck-all at home. don’t expect these profiles in courage to hold any town halls. they all know what will happen if they do: they’ll have to listen to angry constituents scream at them about why is my health insurance gone? why did the Space Nazi get a tax cut? — and above all: why didn’t you vote to release the Epstein Files?

everyone knows that Dear Leader’s name is all over the Epstein Files. otherwise, why would every one of Donny’s enablers be working so hard to make sure those files never see the light of day?

what a ridiculous fucking charade.


oh look, President Saddy McSadsad is sad.

“We had the Greatest Six Months of any President in the History of our Country, and all the Fake News wants to talk about is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax!”

oh, boo fucking hoo. put a sock in it, you whiny jackass.

first of all, was this past six months really the greatest of any presidency? fact check:

as for the second part: Alexa, are the Epstein Files all anyone wants to talk about?

fact check: of fucking course they are — because every five minutes, new shit comes to light.

Photos from 1993 confirm for the first time that Epstein attended Trump’s 1993 wedding to Marla Maples. Epstein’s attendance at the ceremony at the Plaza Hotel was not widely known until now.

In addition, footage from a 1999 Victoria’s Secret fashion event in New York shows Trump and Epstein laughing and chatting together ahead of the runway event.

what else should we be talking about, Donny, if not your pedo bestie? would you like us to talk about how increasingly demented and incoherent you are? would that make you happier?

you know, he has these think tanks. and they build— they build buildings for people that think. and it’s really not thinking, it’s uhh, a little bit of combination of thinking, but it’s uhh, it’s something you sort of have, or you don’t have.”

holeeeey shit. ‘they build buildings for people that think.’ no, wait — they don’t just think, they do a combination of thinking. or they don’t, because it’s something only some people have.

here’s your pudding cup, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants. it’s obviously way past your bedtime.

by the way, they also build buildings for people who don’t think.

but please, do go on, sir. we’re hanging on every word.

“but what we found is even more so. we found absolute— this isn’t like evidence, or the— this is like proof. irrefutable proof, that Obama was sedatious. that Obama led— was trying to lead a coup. and it was with Hillary Clinton, with all these other people. but Obama headed it up. and, if, you know, I get a kick when I hear— everyone talks about about people I never even heard of, was this— no, no, it was Obama. he headed it up. and it says so right in the papers. and everything. got everything. this is the biggest scandal in the history of our country. and it really goes on to even the autopen.”

words, do they even exist?

what is ‘sedatious,’ does anyone know? is that when you’re bodacious andseditious?

excuse me, but where are the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media? can not one of these wastes of space stand up and, at long last, finally ask what the fuck is wrong with you?


no, they can’t.

they’re all content just stand around and nod their heads, as if a diaper-loading grievance-factory hallucinating crimes and threatening to imprison his predecessor was the most normal thing in the world.

nothing to see here, right?

imagine if Joe Biden had accused Donny of trying to lead a coup. OH WAIT, THAT’S A THING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.


Barack Obama has issued a response to the Mad King’s caterwauling.

Out of respect for the office of the presidency, our office does not normally dignify the constant nonsense and misinformation flowing out of this White House with a response. But these claims are outrageous enough to merit one. These bizarre allegations are ridiculous and a weak attempt at distraction.

Nothing in the document issued last week undercuts the widely accepted conclusion that Russia worked to influence the 2016 presidential election but did not successfully manipulate any votes. These findings were affirmed in a 2020 report by the bipartisan senate intelligence committee, led by then-chairman Marco Rubio.

that’s pretty eloquent, but I like Stephen Colbert’s response to Donny better.

“go fuck yourself.”

Can You Say Desperation?

Little Donny Fuckface is rattled right now. he wants nothing more than for everyone to stop asking so many questions about his dead pedo bestie. for the first time in his soft, privileged life, the press has sunk its teeth into a scandal they can’t be distracted from — and the Mad King hasn’t a clue how to handle it.

Donny’s playing all the old hits, throwing everything at the wall and hoping that something — anything! — will stick.

Obama did a treason! Biden did an autopen! sports isn’t racist enough! Murdoch sucks! Colbert sucks! I’m suing everybody! SQUIRREL!!!

it’s not working. nothing is working — and Donny’s getting slaughtered in the polls.

just how rattled is Team Donny right now? this rattled: they’ve raised the threat level to DEFCON Hillary.

it’s right there on page one of the Republican Diversion Handbook: when all else fails, investigate the Email Lady.

Bondi announced Monday that the Department of Justice has released documents tied to the FBI’s investigation into Clinton’s use of a private email server during her tenure as Secretary of State. The move comes in response to a long-standing request from Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley, who has pushed for greater transparency surrounding the probe.

oh, thank the day. Chuck Grassley — who, at six hundred and seventy-nine years of age, is America’s oldest living elected official — is finally going to get to the bottom of this whole Hillary emails thing.

Chuck’s premise is that the FBI didn’t try hard enough to gin up proof that Hillary broke laws by running her own email server. Grassley believes that when the initial FBI investigation came up with bupkis, they should have opened a second. and if that one didn’t prove criminal culpability, they should have opened a third.

in other words, the FBI should have Benghazi’d the shit out of that email server.

Benghazi — now there was an investigation. do you think Republicans were daunted when they couldn’t find any proof that Hillary was responsible for the deaths of four diplomats in Libya? fuck no. they immediately cranked a second investigation in high gear. and then a third. a fourth. a fifth.

do you know how many total investigations there were into Benghazi? eight. that includes the one where they hauled Hillary before live cameras and made her testify for eleven consecutive hours — which she did with grace and humor.

so you can well understand why Chuck Grassley can’t believe that everyone just gave the fuck up after one email investigation. who does that, investigate Hillary only once? it makes no sense.

and, of course, Pam Bondi couldn’t wait to agree to Grassley’s request to declassify everything the FBI had on Hillary. anything — anything — to get MAGA’s mind off of the Epstein Files.

naturally, the wingnut outrage-industrial complex is only too happy to play along.

but as long they’re delving into Hillary’s imaginary crimes again, maybe they could check out that time when she accidentally butt-dialed a journalist and texted him classified war plans.

oh wait, that wasn’t Hillary who did that. it was the Fox News dunk-tank clown who screwed that up.

someone remind me, how many hearings were held after Pete Kegstand’s actual breach of national security? I seem to recall it was zero.

and please, someone remind me how many hours Congress spent grilling Piss-Drunk Pete on live television? spoiler alert: again, it was zero.

how many hours did Donny Convict spend testifying before the January 6th Committee? again, I seem to recall it was zero. in fact, when Donny was subpoenaed to testify, he blew it off and didn’t show up.

but sure, let’s just hassle the Email Lady every day for the rest of her life. there’s got to be something on her. there’s just got to be.

look: the only thing that anyone needs to know about Hillary’s emails is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein files.


hey, as long as Pam Bondi is so horny to declassify FBI files and hand them out like party favors, I have a couple of requests — because there are some other unsolved scandals that really need to be looked into.

topmost: it’s time to reopen the investigation into TanSuitGate.

could we please get all the files about Obama’s tan suit?

sure, everyone knows that Obama wore a tan suit, but we never found out why.

look at poor old Comer Fudd. he still can’t figure out how old Joe Biden is.

I’m sure the FBI has files somewhere with Joe Biden’s birthdate on them. could someone do Comer a solid and pass them his way?


hey Donny — you want this to all go away? I have an easy solution for you: just release the files, and let everyone see for themselves how you did nothing wrong.

I mean, you’re innocent right? and innocent people don’t generally suppress the very files that prove how innocent they are, am I right?

am I right?


here’s another thing Pam Bondi did yesterday: she declassified a bunch of FBI files on the 1968 assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.

look at us, releasin’ files. we’re so fucking transparent. who can accuse us of covering up anything? that was the intended message behind this bit of Kabuki.

you know who wasn’t impressed? Bernice King, MLK’s daughter.

in a world of Mad Kings, be a Bernice King.