Category: 2024 Election

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FUCK MUSK

In any other reality, this guy would be at Gitmo—or worse—and not just as a visitor.

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FUCK TRUMP

Trump's mother Mary Anne was emotionally distant and uninterested in her children.

He didn't get the hugs and the emotional stability an invested mother would gave given him; probably because Fred sold her to Satan to be fucked by the horned one himself in exchange for worldly success. (see: Rosemary's Baby) Just sayin'…

His insecure attachment and the resultant anger he has towards all women in general is now fucking all women over.

Don't be a Mary Trump.

Hug your Fucking kids.

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How The British Got Trump Right

A British writer penned the best description of Donald Trump I've ever read:

"Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?"

A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump's limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don't say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it's a fact. He doesn't even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn't just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It's all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don't. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He's not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He's more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy' is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:

• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.

• You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it's impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: 'My God… what… have… I… created?' If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."

-Nate White

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Incompetent Imbecile Sabotages California's Water Supply

From Jeff Tiedrich:

Millions Of Gallons Gone, For A Pointless Photo-Op

Donny Convict believes a lot of stupid shit. for instance, that magnets stop working when they get wet. seriously, here's a thing Donny actually said while campaigning last year.

"all I know about magnets is this, give me a glass of water, let me drop it on the magnets, that's the end of the magnets."

that's just unbelievably idiotic, and so easy to disprove — but just try talking Donny out of it. you could walk up to him and stick two wet magnets together, right in front of his big, dumb pumpkin face — and it wouldn't make a dime's worth of difference. Donny knows what he knows, and fuck you if you think you're going to change his mind.

last Thursday, two of Donny's favorite misconceptions came together to spectacularly fuck up Central California's water supply.

here's what we're dealing with: first, there's Donny's nonsensical insistence that there's one ginormous building-sized faucet somewhere that controls allof California's water. secondly, there's Donny's childlike belief that the Army Corps of Engineers is a combat outfit. make no mistake, they're not. while the ACoE is technically part of the Army, they're about 96% civilian — and they don't do combat. the Corps does infrastructure shit. they deal with roads and bridges, and maintain water distribution systems.

but don't try to explain any of that to Donny. all he sees is the word "army" is in the title, and right away he imagines the big strong soldiers with the tears of gratitude and the massive biceps.

the reality is that they're a bunch of civil engineers in hardhats.

but when Donny directs the ACoE to do something, he literally believes that he's sending in GI Joe and his commandos to fuck shit up.
where's that fuckin' spigot?

that's why when the Corps did some routine water pump maintenance in California recently, Donny breathlessly announced that he had 'sent in the military.'

last Thursday, Donny ordered GI Joe and his Hardhat Commandos to open relief valves at two of California's dams — and then the reckless imbecile took a victory lap. you're welcome, California!

"Photo of beautiful water flow that I just opened in California. Today, 1.6 billion gallons and, in 3 days, it will be 5.2 billion gallons. Everybody should be happy about this long fought Victory! I only wish they listened to me six years ago – There would have been no fire!"

Donny imagines that he has somehow 'saved' Los Angeles by letting 'billions of gallons of water' pour down into Southern California.

in reality, he accomplished none of that shit. what he did do was seriously fuck up Central California's water reserves — and now there's a strong possibility that farmers won't have the water they'll need for their crops this summer.

in typical Donny style, there was no forethought or planning — because fuck that. who needs planning when you know more about water management than all the water managers? Donny doesn't plan — that shit's for losers. he just picks up the phone and starts barking orders.

Water managers said they got about an hour's warning from the Army Corp's Sacramento office to expect the Tule and Kaweah rivers to be at "channel capacity" by Thursday night.

Channel capacity means the maximum amount of water a river can handle. For the Kaweah, that's 5,500 cubic feet per second and for the Tule, it's 3,500 cfs.

Those levels were last seen, and surpassed, during the 2023 floods, which destroyed dozens of homes and businesses and caused significant damage to infrastructure.

an hour's warning! imagine that. you're at the office, enjoying a hot cuppa and shooting the shit with your coworkers — and the phone rings. "hi, this is GI Civil Engineer Joe. we're on our way over to flood your farmland. ok bye!"

here's what happened the last time those rivers were at 'channel capacity':

panicked local officials managed to get the Corps to ease off.

"We were able to get them to back off that," said Eric Limas, General Manager of the Lower Tule River and Pixley irrigation districts, of the Army Corps. "They'll still be releasing water sometime tonight, but it will be a smaller amount, which will increase tomorrow."

"We're still trying to wrap our minds around the numbers that made this happen," Fukuda said. "We haven't received much information from the Army Corps, just very vague answers."

just 'vague answers' — because the Corps probably didn't know anything either, except that some ignorant asshole in Washington was screaming at them to get it done.

but the thing is, none of that water ended up anywhere near Los Angeles — because that's not how Central California's water system works.

Tulare County water managers were perplexed and frustrated, noting both physical and legal barriers that make it virtually impossible for Tulare County river water to be used for southern California fires.

First, it would have to be pumped at great expense across the San Joaquin Valley to get to the California Aqueduct and then travel hundreds of miles south.

fuckity-bye, water!

farmers were depending on that water to grow crops this summer —and now it's gone. wasted for a photo op, so Donny could pretend he'd accomplished something. you're welcome, California!

"This is the wrong time of year to be releasing water from these reservoirs. It's vitally important that we fill our reservoirs in the rainy season so water is available for farms and cities later in the summer," Gleick said. "I think it's very strange and it's disturbing that, after decades of careful local, state and federal coordination, some federal agencies are starting to unilaterally manipulate California's water supply."

when you can't find oranges in your supermarket later this year, you can blame Donny.

The two dams are considered important reservoirs of water for farmers in the San Joaquin Valley, which is known for its "Citrus Belt" that produced more than four million tons of citrus fruits — particularly Mandarin, Navel and Valencia oranges, along with grapefruits and lemons — in the 2020-2021 season alone.

locals can't fucking believe what just happened.

"A decision to take summer water from local farmers and dump it out of these reservoirs shows a complete lack of understanding of how the system works and sets a very dangerous precedent," said Dan Vink, a longtime Tulare County water manager and principal partner at Six-33 Solutions, a water and natural resource firm in Visalia.

now here's the quote of the day.

"This decision was clearly made by someone with no understanding of the system or the impacts that come from knee-jerk political actions."

no fucking shit.

by the way, here's that clip of Donny having no clue how magnets work. it's just another one of those stunningly crazypants moments that have to be heard to be believed.

in another clownfuckingly stupid move, Donny's put ruinous tariffs on Mexican and Canadian imports. even the Wall Street Journal called it "the dumbest trade war in history."

there will be a lot to say about this in the days to come, as the shit hits the economic fan — but for now, here's something you probably never thought would happen: Canadian hockey fans booing America' National Anthem.

do you have any idea just how badly you have to fuck up to get Canada mad at you?

let's go out on a high note. here's a suburban mom chasing some Patriot Front fucksticks out of her neighborhood by using a bullhorn to scream YOU BETTER RUN, BITCHES! at them.

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More Advice For Dealing With the Orange 🤡

From Mock Paper Scissors:

Scissorhead M Davis sends in this handy list of ways to deal with convicted felon and career criminal The Orange 🤡 during the course of his misadministration. Per a 2017 article in the WaPo, this is attributed to Bernice King, daughter of MLK and Coretta King.

I think it has been updated (the original referred to THAT MAN as 45, while this says 47.

1. Don't use his name; EVER (47 will do)

2. Remember this is a regime and he's not acting alone;

3. Do not argue with those who support him-it doesn't work,

4. Focus on his POLICIES, not his orange-ness and his mental state;

5. Keep your message positive; they want the country to be angry and fearful because this is the soil from which their darkest policies will grow;

6. No more helpless/hopeless talk;

7. Support artists and the arts;

8. Be careful not to spread fake news. Check it;

9. Take care of yourselves; And

10. Resist!

When you post or talk about him, don't assign his actions to him, assign them to "The Republican Administration, or "The Republicans." This will have several effects: the Republican legislators will either have to take responsibility for their association with him or stand up for what some of them don't like; he will not get the focus of attention he craves.

A lot of this corresponds with tips we've been saying since the election, especially the paragraph at the end: Make the Republicans Own It All.

I still believe the best advice is from St. Molly Ivins: Don't pay attention to what he says (he's lying), pay attention to what he does (the record, the record, the record). Look at what bills and Executive Orders he signs, who he appoints. Don't listen to a word he brays.