Category: 2024 Election

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Americans Look For A Solution

From Mock Paper Scissors:

Looks like Americans are waking up and asking the right question…

…but they are not going to like the answer: The prznint can "unremove" hisself in both section 3 and section 4. And besides, with ghouls like Cap'n Guyliner and Pornhub Moses right behind, is this really a solution?

If you think that convicted felon and career criminal The Orange 🤡 is going to give anyone any power even while having a camera up his flabby ass, you don't understand his pathology.

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Let's All Watch Some MAGA Shithead Get Bounced From A Bar

From Jeff Tiedrich:

everything sucks right now, so let's put the focus on our hero of the day. sit back and enjoy the shit out of this bartender eighty-sixing some Trumpist fuckwad.

bartender: "get out of the bar."
MAGA: "why?"
bartender: "because you're a Trump supporter."
MAGA: "I know, but don't you guys want our money?"
bartender: "no, actually, we don't. get out of my bar right now. [picks up baseball bat] I'm not fucking around. get out of my bar right now."
MAGA: "are you serious?
bartender: "I'm dead serious. out."
MAGA: "because I'm wearing a Trump hat."
bartender: "yes."
MAGA: "that's wild."
bartender: "I don't care. get out."
second bartender: "we can call the police, or you can just leave."
MAGA: "you know this is, like, discrimination, right?"
bartender: "boo hoo. boo fucking hoo. get out of my bar."

fuck yeah. that was satisfying. boo fucking hoo, indeed. here's your binky, MAGA. now take a hike.

here's the backstory.

the MAGA asshole who got bounced — and is now whining to the press about it — wants you to believe that she was some innocent victim who wandered into a random bar and met up with some surly bartender.

that's not the case at all. the cultist — and her friends — showed up to cause trouble, and they got what was coming to them.

the bar in question is the Chatterbox Jazz Club in Indianapolis. the joint is LGBTQ+ inclusive, and much of the staff is trans.

it's possible that Fuckface von Maga and her fuckface friends didn't even know any of that when they showed up to make a scene. maybe they were just offended by the pride flag hanging outside the bar, and decided that it was their divine mission to stir up shit.

here's David Andrichik, the bar's owner, to explain.

"We were set up. This was a plan to do something like this. We don't believe the people that came in to instigate even knew what Chatterbox was, but they came in because of our pride flag," which is displayed outside the jazz bar.

premeditated or not, these MAGA shitstains stepped inside the Chatterbox and immediately cranked the asshole dial way past eleven. they shouted. they got abusive and confrontational. they deliberately misgendered the bartender. and they got tossed the fuck out.

and then, they came back in and recorded the clip you saw at top of this post — and went whining to the media about it.

look at us, we're the real victims here! they hated us for our hats! so unfair! come see the violence inherent in the system!

like their beloved Dear Leader, the cultists always imagine they're the real victims — everything is unfair, and everything is rigged against them.

all we wanted was to hang out. the bartender was so mean to us.

MAGA, you are cordially invited to fuck straight off with your divisive hate. could you just fucking well leave people alone? they just want to live their lives in peace. next time you see a pride flag, just walk on by. the Earth won't fall off its axis. I promise.

cultists, can we talk? you're getting played by the ruling class, and you don't even realize it. you're being distracted from the real enemy.

'keep the people ignorant and fighting each other, and they won't notice the plutocrats picking their pockets' is right on page one of the oligarch's playbook.

and please shut the fuck up already about how unfairly you got treated. you acted like an asshole and you got treated like one.

you fucked around, and you found out. enjoy the tiniest of violins.

here's the official statement the Chatterbox posted to their Instagram account.

On Friday, March 14th, a group of individuals visited Chatterbox and intentionally misgendered and harassed a Chatterbox employee, resulting in them being asked to leave by our staff. They then continued verbally assaulting our patrons and staff, threatened our establishment, and returned to record a video which has now been posted on multiple social media platforms.

The Chatterbox is home to a diverse group of staff and patrons. We do not tolerate dehumanizing or disrespectful language or symbolism in our establishment. We have a right, by law, to refuse service to anyone who disrupts our business. We look forward to continue being a home for people who love music and appreciate our community.

forgive me for once again reposting what I like to call The Parable of the Nazi Bar, but it's a tale can't be told often enough.

I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out."

And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed

Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them." And i was like, oh ok and he continues.

"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too."

"And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down."

of course, what happened at the Chatterbox isn't totally analogous — Fuckface von MAGA and her friends weren't polite, and they certainly weren't there to infiltrate — but the lesson is the same: you have to nip that shit in the bud. zero tolerance for Nazi assholes.

fuck around and find out is in short supply right now. let's celebrate when it happens.

if you find yourself in Indianapolis, stop by the Chatterbox and show them your support.

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If You Still Believe The Orange Felon, You Need An Intervention

US Treasury Secretary Bessent: "Access to cheap goods is not the essence of the American dream."

The millionaires and billionaires of the Republikkkan party don't give a shit about the price of eggs. And they sure as hell don't give a shit about you.

They never did and they never fucking will.

Bessent might as well have said, "Let them eat cake!"

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Right?!

David Frum On Zelensky: "I think he just shames them. He just shames them. Every time JD Vance looks at Zelensky, he sees a better man. And he hates it because at some level, if you're a JD Vance you have to know what you are."

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In a press conference KrasnovTrump really said "We are doing very well with Russia right now. And they're bombing the hell out of Ukraine and quite frankly, I am finding it very hard to deal with Ukraine right now."

There is a Russian asset in the oval office.

Seems like someone should be doing something about it, but what do I know?

He IS a Russian operative. Period.

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Fucktacular!

From Jeff Tiedrich:

want to construct a clusterfuck? it's easy.

start with the smoking rubble of a burned-out brain in steep cognitive decline. add a dollop of acute megalomania. pour in a generous amount of greed. now add the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel. toss in some ignorance, along with the inability to learn from mistakes, or even admit that mistakes were made.

now take that shitpile of defects, shake well, and bingo! you've ended up with Donny Convict's completely incoherent tariff policies.

on February 2nd, Donny announced he was slapping a 25% tariff on all Canadian and Mexican imports. markets crashed — the Dow dropped 600 points in one day.

the very next day, Donny announced that he was putting a month-long hold on the tariffs, because both Canada and Mexico agreed to his list of demands. the markets calmed down.

but then out of the clear blue, Donny was all fuck it, ima do these tariffs anyway — starting tomorrow. have fun!

markets freaked out all over again. so did business leaders.

Fox Business interviewed the owner of a Pennsylvania auto dealership. the poor schnook is at his wit's end over what's happening.

"I had an order from a customer. $80,000 truck. it's a hundred thousand dollars now. so he's not gonna buy the truck. it's gonna sit on my lot. and you know, the higher interest rates we're paying now for floor space. and nobody's going to buy the truck, because it just had a twenty thousand dollar price increase."

and then, yesterday —

Donald Trump has temporarily spared carmakers from sweeping US tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico, one day after an economic strike on the US's two biggest trading partners sparked warnings of widespread price increases and disruption.

After a call with top executives at General Motors, Ford and Stellantis, however, Trump approved a one-month exemption from tariffs on "any autos coming through" the US, Mexico and Canada, the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, announced on Wednesday.

The exemption has been granted "at the request of the companies," Leavitt told reporters, "so they are not at an economic disadvantage."

so, Mister Car Dealer no longer has to worry about that truck that was going to be sitting on his lot, taking up space. how convenient.

Donny's reckless tariffs impacts all industries — so why did he choose to cut the auto industry some slack? because they're big, powerful fat cats who can be relied on to shovel money into Donny's pockets.

that's the way it's gonna be from now on. the plutocrats with the scratch — the corner-office honchos who can plunk down five mil for private dinners with Dear Leader at Motel-a-Lago — they're going to get all kinds of special carve-outs to Donny's tariffs. one hand washes the other.

he little guys who can't afford to pay-for-play — the ones who don't have Donny on speed dial — well, they're going to be cordially invited, as always, to go fuck themselves raw.

mind you, Canada isn't taking any of this fuckery lying down.

if you're a Canadian right now with a hankering for some California wine, or Kentucky bourbon, forget about it. that shit's been taken off the shelves.

The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), one of the largest buyers of alcohol in the world, removed US-made alcoholic drinks from its shelves on Tuesday.

don't fuck with Canada. they're not playing around — and the Canadian public thinks this shit's hilarious.

US distilleries are less than thrilled.

March 5 (Reuters) – Jack Daniel's maker Brown-Forman's (BFb.N), CEO Lawson Whiting said on Wednesday Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was "worse than a tariff" and a "disproportionate response" to levies imposed by the Trump administration.

reporter: "respectfully, It's just 43 pounds that were found last year. that's less than a carry-on suitcase. is that a lot of fentanyl compared to, say, Mexico? the vast majority of fentanyl is brought in though Mexico, not Canada. so what else does Canada need to do?"

Karoline Leavitt: "last year alone, there was a 2000% increase in illegal fentanyl."

Reporter: "it was only 43 pounds, Karoline."

that's a verifiable fact — but Donny and his toadies are going to keep pretending otherwise.

Leavitt, by the way, was not pleased about being fact-checked by a reporter doing his job. check out her totally mature reaction.

You're asking me for what the president's justification is for these tariffs. It's not up to you. You're not the president, Gabe!" Leavitt snapped.

"And frankly, I think it's a little bit disrespect-ul [sic] to the families in this country that have lost loved ones at the hands of this deadly poison.

hissy much, Karoline?

and oh look, Team Donny has invented a whole new reason to be mad at Canada.

when last we saw Peter Navarro, he was being mocked mercilessly by the legendary Anarchy Princess while on his way to prison for contempt of Congress

well, Big Pete's done his time. he's back in Donny's good graces and has an office at the White House.

here he is, dropping a whole new truth bomb on Fox News, with his unique blend of ignorance and arrogance.

"Canada has been taken over by Mexican cartels."

don't you love how these bold-face fucksticks just keep piling fantastical new lies on top of the old lies?

Peter, are these Mexican cartels in the room with us right now? no, they're not—because apparently they're right inside Justin Trudeau's office—much in the same way the Space Nazi shares the Oval Office with Donny.

for all we know, there's probably the son of some drug lord, right now, wiping his snots all over Canada's version of the Resolute Desk.

so, for those of you keeping score at home,

— we have to take over Canada because it's being run by Mexico.
— we have to take over Panama because it's being run by China.
— we have to take over Greenland because it's being run by … fuck it, who cares. we're gonna invade them anyway.
— and the one country that really does need our protection because they've been attacked by Russia, they can go eat an entire bag of dicks, because Zelensky was very mean to Dear Leader.

here are your heroes of the day.

when some DOGE dipshits showed up at the headquarters of the U.S. African Development Foundation (a division of USAID) and demanded to be let in, staffers working there were all yeah, you pimply teenage incels can fuck all the way off.

thank you, USADF, for showing everyone how it's done.