Category: 2025

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Sunday Tiedrich

Holy Mike Johnson, the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel, is in grave danger of losing his grip on that hammer.

by way of explanation, let me commit a metaphor. everyone loves a metaphor, right? especially when it’s this one.

Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand is, of course, standing in for Holy Mike Johnson. the skateboard represents four Republican Congresswomen who are furious with Holy Mike right now. and the nuts are, well, literal nuts. not everything has to be a metaphor, okay?

the women who are the four skateboards of the nutpocalypse.

the first is Marjorie Three Toes Greene.

the Republican majority in the House right now stands at 220-213.

with Madge sporking her way out of Congress next month, the Republican barely-a-majority in the House will drop to 219 — making it that much harder for Holy Mike to inflict his Christofascist fuckery on We the People.

the second is America’s self-appointed bathroom panty inspector

attention-starved Nancy Mace — currently running to be South Carolina’s Governor, and probably jealous of all the headlines Marge got after announcing she was quitting — has also been making noises about retiring early. per The New York Times,

Representative Nancy Mace of South Carolina has told people she is so frustrated with the Louisiana Republican and sick of the way he has run the House — particularly how women are treated there — that she is planning to huddle with Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia next week to discuss following her lead and retiring early from Congress.

pay particular attention to Nancy saying that she’s sick of ‘how women are treated’ by Holy Mike — because here’s a super-fun headline from The Hill.

get ready for the least-surprising thing you’ll hear today: apparently, Holy Mike Johnson — a Christofascist from a southern state — has a problem with women in power. as a result, he’s been sidelining and ignoring them the entire time he’s been House Speaker.

I know, right? knock me over with a feather.

you have to love the way the Times dances around the issue.

Some [Republican women] said privately that the speaker had failed to listen to them or engage in direct conversations on major political and policy issues, suggesting that doing so was a cultural challenge for Mr. Johnson — an evangelical Christian who has often voiced firm views about the distinct roles men and women should play in society.

‘often voiced firm views’ is doing a shitload of heavy lifting in that paragraph.

what the Times is afraid to come right out and say is that Holy Mike is a raging misogynist who would prefer it if the ladies would get the fuck out of the halls of Congress and back into the kitchen, where they belong. those sandwiches aren’t going to make themselves.

the third skateboard of the nutpocalypse is Florida Rep. Ann Appalling Lunatic — who for once in her weird, interdimensional-entity-obsessed life, is not being an appalling lunatic.

Luna has authored a bill that would ban members of Congress from stock trading — and I think we can all agree that preventing Congress members from enriching themselves off the insider knowledge they hold as lawmakers is a great idea.

it’s fucking heartbreaking.

the problem for Luna — and the rest of us — is that Holy Mike thinks banning stock trading is a shitty idea, and he’s refused to schedule a vote on the bill.

Luna was all ‘this aggression will not stand, man,’ and has filed a discharge petition to force a vote on her bill — much like the one Tom Massie used to force a vote on the Dead Pedo Bestie files.

the fourth skateboard is New York’s Elise Stefanik, best known for having a name Dear Leader can’t pronounce.

“how great did Elise Steppanack do?”

Steppanack Stefanik is hella pissed at Holy Mike right now.

“He certainly wouldn’t have the votes to be speaker if there was a roll-call vote tomorrow,” the New York lawmaker, who is running for governor, said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal. “I believe that the majority of Republicans would vote for new leadership. It’s that widespread.”

Elise and Holy Mike have been slap-fighting for years, but it recently came to a head when Mike balked at a provision she wanted inserted into the National Defense Authorization Act — one that would ‘require the FBI to alert Congress if it opens a counterintelligence investigation into an elected official or candidate.’

according to Punchbowl News,

Stefanik has gone absolutely ballistic on Johnson in the most public way during this dispute, saying the speaker was lying about her and instructing him to “fix this” – in other words, get the provision into the bill. Stefanik said Johnson was “blocking” her policy and the speaker was getting “rolled” by Democrats.

slow the fuck down, Elise — America is in danger of depleting its National Strategic Reserve of Popcorn.

I have a better idea for Stefanik. instead of some dumb-ass provision to require the FBI to rat on itself, how about Elise’s Republican colleagues stop being such lawless fucksticks, and maybe they won’t have to be investigated by the FBI in the first place?

now here’s where the Elise-vs-Holy Mike feud gets weird — because as almost always is the case when it’s Republican-on-Republican violence, both sides fucking suck.

recall that back in the early days of the Mad King’s second reign, Donny nominated Steppanack Stefanik to be Ambassador to the United Nations — and then, a couple of weeks later, withdrew her nomination. who even remembers why? it’s impossible to keep up with the firehose of fuckery that’s being sprayed in our faces, twenty-four-seven.

anyway, when no-longer-a-nomineeElise slunk back the House to resume being a Rep, Holy Mike named her ‘chairwoman of House Republican Leadership,’ as sort of a consolation prize — and, apparently, she wasn’t grateful enough.

A senior Republican congressional aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of prolonging an intraparty feud, said that after Mr. Johnson had provided Ms. Stefanik with office space and a budget for what the aide described as “a fake job and a fake title,” he would have expected her to be more gracious.

it cannot be stressed enough that all of these Republicans fucking suck. Elise Stefanik is supposed to fall all over herself in gratitude over being given what the anonymous aide admits is ‘a fake job and fake title’?

these people are all ill-tempered children, and they deserve each other.

shed not a tear for Holy Mike, should he lose the House Speakership. he’s been a fucking nightmare. he’s weak and ineffective. he’s an evasive liar. ask any question about some fuckery of Donny’s that’s been all over the news, and he’ll claim to have never heard about it.

worse than any of that, Johnson has completely abdicated the House Speaker’s Constitutionally-ordained role as a check on the presidency. he’s let a fluorescent tangerine Mad King run wild, never once blocking any of his fuckbrained schemes. whatever Donny wanted — no matter how obviously ruinous — was fine with Mike. incoherent tariffs? go for it, Dear Leader. unconstitutional executive orders? you do you, bro. fire all the experts and replace them with morons? sounds good to us. prosecute political enemies? knock yourself out. kick millions of people off their healthcare so that gazillionaires can have another tax cut? what could possibly go wrong?

the end of Holy Mike’s grasp on power — whether from being stabbed in the back by his own party, or by Republicans losing their majority after the likely Blue Tsunami midterms — can’t come fast enough.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: fishes like no one thought possible

as Jesus sagely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, blessed are the dipshits, for they will crap their dumbfuckery all over social media.

exhibit A: internet found object Nick Adams.

oh look, it’s the parable of the fishes and the loaves, wherein Jesus, armed with two fish and five loaves, miraculously feeds five thousand of his faithful flock. and I guess that Donny Convict is our modern-day Jesus? whatever you say, MAGA. I’m pretty sure that if Jesus returned today, he wouldn’t be some racist kiddie-fiddler.

have you ever noticed that every time the cultists wants to show an image of Dear Leader helping someone, it has to be ginned up by AI?

let’s get real. we all know what would happen if Donny decided to get into the fishes and loaves business.

first of all, fuck that ‘give it away for free’ shit. that’s not how Preznit Greedface rolls. dude’s always gotta make a buck. so he’d sit himself down and record a video announcing Trump Fishloaves™. he’d go on and on about how these are amazing fishloaves, beautiful, delicious fishloaves, possibly the greatest fishloaves of all time. and then he’d set up a web site and start taking pre-orders for $499.00.

and every MAGA shitwit would be all ‘shut up and take my money’ — because stupid doesn’t magically cure itself overnight.

and then, six months later, some reporter would go ‘hey, whatever happened to those Trumploaves™?’ — and the answer would be bupkis. zip. nada. because the whole fucking thing was a scam from the get-go — just like those $499.00 Trump phones.

and then we’d find out that the gluttonous fuck ate all the fishes and loaves himself, in one sitting.

but sure, MAGA. you keep telling yourselves how Dear Leader is some awesome humanitarian. it’s such a cool story.

tuesday: blessed are the gullible

podcast bro Joe Rogan’s whole deal is that he’s a credulous meathead. he’ll sit there like a lump as some raving conspiracy loon barks out the batshittiest fever-swamp hallucinations imaginable — after which Joe will nod his head, take a long drag off a joint, and go ‘huh. I didn’t know that.’

but Joe’s not above making his own nonsensical high-as-fuckpronouncements.

“Jesus was born out of a virgin mother. what’s more virgin than a computer? if Jesus does return, even if Jesus was a physical person in the past, you don’t think he could return as artificial intelligence? artificial intelligence could absolutely return as Jesus.”

I think it’s high time (see what I did there?) for Joe Rogan to put down the joint — because I’m pretty sure he meant ‘Jesus could absolutely return as AI.’

this unknown twitterer says it far better than I ever could.

as someone who attended high school in the early 1970s and had many friends with older brothers, I can confirm that this is 100% true.

wednesday: blessed are the fuckfaces

are you a devout, godfearing MAGA woman who can’t find a husband? well, listen up — because Christian nationalist fascist Joel Webbon has some advice for you.

“lose 20 to 30 pounds.”

I have some advice for MAGA men who can’t find a wife: grow a personality — and try to be less of a hateful asshole.

I know it’s hard, but try.

thursday: Kash and carry

Thursday’s big news was the announcement that the person suspected of planting bombs at the DNC and RNC headquarters the night before January 6, 2021 had finally been apprehended. and — spoiler alert — it wasn’t (as so many on social media had hoped) a certain three-toed freak of nature.

put your disappointment aside for a moment, because — hey, you want to see in-way-over-his-head FBI Director Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel drag irony out back to the gravel pit and shoot it in the head?

“when you attack our nation’s Capitol, you attack the very being of our way of life. we will always refute it and combat it.”

seriously, there, Kash? always?

fact check: fuck all the way off.

because Dear Leader pardoned all fifteen hundred of these Capitol-attacking shitheads on his very first day in office.

oh, and here’s a fun fact.

the suspect is a Trumper, so no one should be surprised when he gets pardoned, too.

pretty suspicious timing, to catch this guy right now. the only thing you need to know about this whole dog-and-pony show is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

on Friday, some fucking idiot started his day by announcing that he had “just approved TINY CARS to be built in America.”

you’re welcome, America!

what the crap? does the fucking idiot not understand how free enterprise works? anyone who wants to build a TINY CAR already has the freedom to do so. they don’t need some kingly proclamation of approval. for fuck’s sake, his entire administration already fits in a tiny car.

can we not, at long last, confine this fucking idiot to a padded room? maybe one with a throne in it, where he can sit all day long and make royal declarations to his heart’s content. ‘I have just approved UNDERWEAR to be worn on everyone’s heads. ENJOY!!!’

anyway, after that bit of dumb-assery, it was off to the main event. the fucking idiot was awarded the FIFA Peace Prize.

which turned out to be a cheap piece of gold-plated metal that he hung around his neck.

does the fucking idiot not grasp that the entire world is pissing its pants laughing at him right now? he’s the only person who isn’t aware that he’s an overgrown child being handed an imaginary Very Special Boy Participation Trophy. he took the whole farcical spectacle seriously.

he’s a joke — an international joke being told at America’s expense. it’s all so embarrassing.

but the fucking idiot’s day wasn’t over yet. he had one more trick up his sleeve. he announced that he was ending free admission to national parks on Juneenth and Martin Luther King Day — as one does when one is a demented racist.

oh, but the fucking idiot did add one new free admission day: June 14th, the fucking idiot’s own birthday — as one does when one is a demented narcissist.

YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA!!!

and not one worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled media stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Another Week Ends With Mr. Tiedrich

‘congratulations, world.’

that’s an actual quote from some White House chucklefuck — and she wasn’t being sarcastic. oh no, not at all. we’re apparently all supposed to genuflect in gratitude over Dear Leader’s latest exercise in fragile megalomania.

on Wednesday, out of the clear blue, workers showed up at the US Institute of Peace building in Washington DC, and slapped Donny Convict’s name on it.

how awesome. Preznit Fuckwit has defiled yet another of our public institutions. try not to projectile vomit as you look on in horror.

congratulations, us. we’re so fucking lucky.

of course, Donny inflicting his accursed name onto everything and glomming credit for shit he didn’t do is pretty much his entire business model — but this instance of it is so fucking galling on about eighteen thousand different levels.

first of all, this ghoulish hyena’s name would be more appropriate on a building that houses the US Institute For Bombing The Shit Out Of Shipwrecked Survivors Who Are Trying Not To Drown.

what kind of ‘war is peace’ bullshit is this?

wherever he is right now, George Orwell is ripping fistfuls of hair out of his head and screaming ‘god fucking dammit, 1984 was supposed to be a cautionary tale, not an instruction manual.’

secondly, what Donny just slapped his brand on is a pretty much empty building. the US Institute of Peace is barely even a thing right now, thanks to the Space Nazi. one fine day last March, his merry band of unfuckable DOGE incels showed up at the Peace Institute and announced, ‘congratulations, everyone — you’re all fired.’ next came the inevitable lawsuits over the firings.the whole thing is tied up in court right now, while the building is a ghost town.

can Donny even legally fart his name onto any public building he chooses? probably not, but stupid little issues of legality didn’t stop him from demolishing the East Wing. welcome to life in the shittiest timeline ever.

congratulations, us!

thirdly, this is what Donny is wasting his time on, as the prices of goods and services go up, and the cost of healthcare skyrockets. any caring leader might spend some time trying to fix any of that shit — but this asshole can’t be bothered to lift a finger.

so there goes Donny, traipsing through DC, pissing all over yet another public institution — and then telling us how lucky we are.

White House spokesperson Anna Kelly confirmed the move, calling it “beautifully and aptly named,” and saying it “will stand as a powerful reminder of what strong leadership can accomplish for global stability.”

“Congratulations, world!” she said.

our next president is going to be able to create an entire jobs program devoted to prying this fucker’s name off of everything. it can’t come fast enough.

but oh wait, it gets stupider.

FIFA — the sports org that oversees the World Cup — has invented a fake peace prize. and you’ll never guess who they’re awarding it to.

Not long after President Trump missed out on the Nobel Peace Prize that he openly campaigned for, his friend Gianni Infantino got to work.

Mr. Infantino, president of FIFA, soccer’s global governing body, who had publicly lobbied for Mr. Trump to receive the peace prize, simply had his organization establish its own. The announcement of the “FIFA Peace Prize — Football Unites the World” was so hastily arranged that it surprised several of the body’s most senior officials, including board members and vice presidents, according to four soccer executives briefed on the events.

oh my god, it’s just one embarrassing episode after another, isn’t it? healthy, well-balanced people don’t need to be mollified by having ersatz awards conferred on them by dipshits trying to curry favor. and Preznit Fuckwit is falling for it. he’s over the moon to be handed this sham honor.

A White House spokesman, Davis Ingle, said that Mr. Trump was “excited to attend” the draw.

what the fuck is next? the Big Mac Peace Prize? there’s probably no end to corporate institutions willing to play this game. can we get the Quaker Oats people come up with a prize? at least Quakers actually believe in peace — unlike some footballers we could name.


can you think of another country whose fragile Dear Leader needs constant affirmation that he’s a good boy. a very good boy. maybe the best boy ever? perhaps North Korea. oh great, we’re now on par with Kim Jong-un’s failed state.

congratulations, us.

there’s no word on what this award is going to look like, but I hope it’s a big gold-plated binky.

can you think of another country whose fragile Dear Leader needs constant affirmation that he’s a good boy. a very good boy. maybe the best boy ever? perhaps North Korea. oh great, we’re now on par with Kim Jong-un’s failed state.

congratulations, us.

there’s no word on what this award is going to look like, but I hope it’s a big gold-plated binky.

now get ready to win the Nobel I Just Threw Up In My Mouth A Little Award, because — congratulations, world! — this year’s White House Christmas card just dropped.

look, I warned you.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people? it’s a cult — one in which every single member has unresolved daddy issues.

but we need to fact-check Dear Leader’s suspiciously healthy hand in that graphic, because Donny’s real-life hand — in a photo taken yesterday — is telling a much uglier story.

yeesh. oh my god. look at that bloated, decaying thing, like the hand of a corpse that was just pulled out of a polluted lake. and now Donny’s wearing what looks like two band-aids. concealing what, pray tell?

what are they not telling us about Dear Leader’s health?

we definitely need a palate cleanser after that, so here’s your hero of the day, bicycling his way past what I believe is the Treasury Building in Washington, DC.

I have no idea who this dude is — the vid was posted to not-twitter by our friend Anarchy Princess — but I do like his style.

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

now there’s a positive affirmation we can all get behind.

congratulations, Donny.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Thursday Tiedrich

tell me, is it a bad thing when the leader of your party is a drooling halfwit serenely convinced of his own brilliance?

is it a bad thing when the leader of your party lives inside his own fact-free fantasy-bubble where everything is amazing, and ignores all evidence to the contrary?

and is it a bad thing when the leader of your party cannot be persuaded to give the tiniest of micro-fucks for the needs of your constituents?

pour one out for the Republican Party, folks, because they’re now finding out the hard way that the answer to all three questions is ‘oh fuck, it’s a catastrophe.’

CNN’s Harry Enten: “Republicans should be running for the hills this morning, because the blue wave is building. what are we talking about here? well, Matt Van Epps, the Republican candidate, he won it by 9 — but this is a district that Donald Trump won by 22 points. this is a 13-point gain for the Democrats in terms of the margins, and excuse time for Republicans is over. because I hear all about these special elections. ‘oh, the turnout’s so low, it’s not representative of what would happen in a midterm election.’ the turnout last night in Tennessee’s 7th district was equal to the turnout in the 2022 midterm election. so the blue wave seems to be building right out of the center of Tennessee.”

Tuesday’s special election in Tennessee was a five-alarm disaster for the GOP. oh, sure, their boy won — but it was a nail-biter, in a heavily-gerrymandered distract that should have been an electoral cakewalk. if Republicans can’t turn that shit around, pronto, they’re facing a wipe-out in next year’s midterms — and they fucking well know it.

with that in mind, they want Donny to stop farting around. put down the fabric samples for the gaudy dance hall, stop tarting up the Oval Bordello, stop making cow-eyes at the Nobel Peace Prize, and focus on what really matters to the American people.

it’s the economy, fuckwit.

Some of President Donald Trump’s closest allies in Congress are warning that the party needs to sharpen its affordability message to voters heading into the 2026 elections — or risk big losses that would shackle him for the rest of his second term.

good luck with that. if Republicans think they’re going to get Dear Leader to hone his ‘affordability message,’ I’m afraid I’ve got some rather bad news for them.

“the word ‘affordability’ is a Democrat scam.”

how’s that, GOP? it that ‘honed’ enough for you?

I hate to break it to Republicans, but the Mad King thinks he’s already fixed that shit. the delusional dumbfuck imagines that the economy is roaring along — and if you think otherwise, it’s because you’ve fallen for a ‘Democrat scam.’

the problem for Republicans is that Dear Leader can’t bullshit his way out of a bad economy. it’s easy to bamboozle MAGA into believing that he’s ended a skillionty wars. that shit’s abstract. it’s easy to post some blurry video of a boat on fire, and convince his dumbfuck worshipers that he’s winning some farcical war on ‘narcoterrorism.’ that’s happening thousands of miles away.

but the price of goods and services? that’s something even the hardest-core cultist can see with their own eyes.

as Abe Lincoln famously said, ‘you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool anyone who walks into a grocery store and actually sees what things cost into believing that prices are going down.’

and that is why Matt Van Epps came this close to getting his ass handed to him in Tennessee’s no-longer-solidly-red 7th District.

Republicans think they can solve this shit by getting Dear Leader back out on the campaign trail.

“I would love him to get back to driving around in the garbage truck, going to McDonald’s. Go to a supermarket, go to a farm. That’s when he’s at his best,” Rep. Jeff Van Drew told CNN, recalling a message he conveyed to the president in a lengthy phone call earlier this week. “Next year, we got to concentrate — the American people first.”

oh yeah, please get Preznit Fuckwit up on a garbage truck again.

I would pay good money to watch that.

remember what happened last time Donny tried to climb into a truck? he almost killed himself.

his rotting hand refused to function, and his gimpy leg almost collapsed — and that was over a year ago. Donny’s in much worse shape now. he’s lucky he can even get out of bed in the morning. it’s a miracle that the narcoleptic old fuck doesn’t go face down in his lunch on a daily basis.

sorry, Republicans, that ‘Donny’s a man of the people’ shit ain’t happening any more. Donny’s too old — and too deteriorated — to go out in public. he’s tired, and can no longer hack the grind.

he’d rather just hang out at his vermin-infested golf motel and hobnob with cronies.

It has been many months since Trump hosted a full-on campaign-style rally. He has opted instead to travel abroad, golf at his private clubs, and dine with wealthy friends, business leaders, and major donors…. And that lack of regular voter contact has contributed to a growing fear among Republicans and White House allies: that Trump is too isolated, and has become out of touch with what the public wants from its president.

and therein lies the crux. Donny’s out of touch with reality, and he’s surrounded himself with equally out-of-touch cronies who tell him that everything is amazing — and why not? for Donny and his cronies, everything is amazing. not one of these obscenely wealthy fuckfaces ever worries about the price of anything. they don’t have to.

look at Soybean Scott Bessent.

s this the face of a man who gives a shit if the price of a bottle of Lafitte Rothschild ’75 goes up by two hundred dollars? trust me, he doesn’t even notice.

these are the people who are slapping Donny on the back and telling him he’s doing a great job.

meanwhile, the economy continues to crater.

Economists on Wednesday expressed significant concerns after new data from global payroll processing firm ADP estimated that the US economy lost 32,000 jobs last month.

to the Republicans who think Donny’s going to magically snap out of it and start ‘honing his message’ about ‘affordability,’ I say ‘sorry, peeps.’

Donny’s gonna do it his way. literally. yesterday, at 2pm, Donny was blasting Frank Sinatra’s My Way out of the windows of the White House.

here’s my message to Donny: shove your head in the sand, ignore reality, and keep imagining that the economy is going great guns. you do it your way, bro.

close your eyes tight enough, Donny, and you won’t even see the blue wave coming in 2026.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other

Posted on

Useless Piece Of Shit

How do you say you’re a hypocrite without saying you’re a hypocrite.

Because this is the shit people who lost their jobs, their homes, who can’t afford to buy groceries, or see a doctor REALLY care about, right, Ted?

What an utterly useless piece of shit.

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Are We Finally In The “Find Out” Phase Of This Bullshit?

Mr. Smith, who spent more than two years aggressively collecting evidence to prove Trump mishandled classified documents and tried to overturn the results of the 2020 election, appears eager to publicly challenge Trump. Smith has made it unmistakably clear that he will not only defend himself but take a hammer to Mr. Trump’s exaggerated and false claims. There’s “tons of evidence” Smith said, that Mr. Trump had willingly retained the classified documents at his residence in Mar-a-Lago and tried “to obstruct the investigation.” Some Republicans have privately expressed concern that Mr. Trump’s quest for vengeance could backfire by giving a credible anticorruption investigator an open mic. Jack Smith still has the capacity to inflict significant political damage by discrediting the MAGA narrative that Trump did nothing wrong.

Source: The New York Times
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Tuesday Tiedrich

Plastered Pete Kegstand never stops trying to convince us how tough he is. he posts pathetically-needy videos in which he does weak-ass pull-ups. he’s covered himself in christofascist tattoos. he’s forever yammering on about warrior ethos, and he’s renamed himself to be Secretary of All The Wars.

but there’s one thing Piss-Drunk Pete won’t do — and it’s a thing that would really display toughness: take responsibility for his fuck-ups.

nah, Pete’s not going to do any of that taking responsibility shit. not where there are all these buses all over the place. nice, big buses, with roomy undersides. perfect for throwing admirals under.

“Let’s make one thing crystal clear: Admiral Mitch Bradley is an American hero, a true professional, and has my 100% support. I stand by him and the combat decisions he has made — on the September 2 mission and all others since. America is fortunate to have such men protecting us. When this @DeptofWar says we have the back of our warriors — we mean it.”

spoiler alert: Plastered Pete does not have anyone’s back. Pete will betray you in a hot second. look how quickly Pete’s story went from ‘this is fake news, nobody gave any orders to kill all survivors’ to ‘I support the admiral’s right to commit war crimes.’

what the fuck is going on? you change your tune that fast, you definitely have something to hide.

let’s back up here, and remember that after the WaPo reported on November 28th that

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth gave a spoken directive, according to two people with direct knowledge of the operation. “The order was to kill everybody,” one of them said.

the official Pentagon response was

“This entire narrative is completely false.”

but that was then. now the story has magically changed to ‘Admiral Bradley ate my homework.’

remember ‘the buck stops here’? well, the buck doesn’t stop anywhere near Pete. the only thing that stops for Pete is the drinks cart.

let this serve as a warning to anyone else who might consider following Piss-Drunk Pete’s illegal orders. not only will you be opening yourself up to a world of legal hurt, you’re also going to find out damn quick what the undercarriage of a bus looks like.

Pete doesn’t give a fuck about you.

“Hegseth is very transparently blaming a Navy admiral for his own decision. Let this be a lesson for every other military officer: The Trump administration will issue unlawful orders, then blame you for following them.”

hey, Flippy McCrushnuts — is this Admiral Bradley’s fault, too? did he give the order for the skateboard to take out your crotch?

oh look, the White House is also throwing Bradley under the bus.

reporter: “does the administration deny that the second strike happened, or did it happen and the administration denies that Hegseth gave the order?”
Karoline Leavitt: “the latter is true … Admiral Bradley worked well within his authority, and the law.”

how nice of all these shameless shitweasels, to get their stories straight.

now, let’s keep a clear mind here: if Admiral Bradley obeyed an illegal order to slaughter shipwrecked survivors, in violation of the Department of Defense’s own Law of War Manual that says NOT TO SLAUGHTER SHIPWRECKED SURVIVORS, he’s culpable as fuck in this mess — and must face consequences.

but if Piss-Drunk Pete manages to slither away from this with clean hands, that’s a fucking perversion of justice.

notice how quick Pete was to glom all credit for bombing the shit out of Venezuelan fishing boats — right up until the moment both Senate and House Republicans announced investigations to find out if provable war crimes had been committed, at which point Pete was all ‘who me?’

there’s your real MAGA ethos: ‘who me?’

remember after Preznit Fuckwit botched his response to covid, resulting in the needless deaths of millions of Americans? remember what Donny said? ‘I don’t take responsibility at all.’

none of these fuckers will ever take responsibility for anything. it’s always someone else’s fault. Joe Biden. his autopen. Admiral Bradley.

I’ve got a free clue for Pete Kegstand: he may think he got away with it this time, but he’d better watch his own back. the second he becomes a political liability for Donny, he’ll find himself chucked under the nearest bus, in a heartbeat.

none of these shitwits ever thinks the leopards are going to eat their face.

ha fucking ha. nothing could be further from the truth. here today, gone tomorrow. just ask James Comey. or John Bolton. or Marjorie Three Toes Greene. or — well, the list is endless, isn’t it?

here’s your other slice of dumbfuckery for the day.

the White House, at long last, released the results of Donny’s most-recent MRI.

now, ‘released the results’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that last sentence — because the note that Donny’s physician foisted on us was pure, unadulterated gaslighting.

“As part of President Donald J. Trump’s comprehensive executive physical, advanced imaging was performed because men in his age group benefit from a thorough evaluation of cardiovascular and abdominal health. The purpose of this imaging is preventive: to identify issues early, confirm overall health, and ensure he maintains long-term vitality and function.”

now hold on just one fucking second. there is no such thing as a ‘preventative MRI.’

don’t take my word for it. I’m just some foulmouthed crank on the internet who actually knows less about doctoring than all the doctors.

let’s listen instead to Dr. Jonathan Reiner. he was Dick Cheney’s cardiologist for thirty years, so I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s talking about.

Dr. Reiner countered that it was not “standard” for an 80 year-old president to undergo advanced imaging, and that “there really is no preventative cardiac MRI.” He also pointed out that Trump already had his annual physical in the spring, meaning that the fall MRI was unrelated.

“The whole note has kind of a weird defensive, evasive tone to it,” Reiner said. “First of all, this is not part of the president’s comprehensive physical examination. He had that in April, and then he underwent some more testing in July.”

for the umpteenth time, Donny’s handlers are feeding us some some fairy-tale shit-sandwich about Dear Leader’s health — and we’re expected to shut the fuck up and swallow it wholesale.

I’m sorry, but this guy is not well, and We the People deserve real answers, not some bullshit fever dream about ‘preventative imaging.’

whether it’s imaginary bone spurs or a miraculously-regenerated ear, it’s amazing how Donny always manages to find some quack willing to ditch their professional ethics, and lie right to our faces.

meanwhile, those House and Senate investigations into Donny and Pete’s fishing boat fuckery are coming. will any of the actual perpetrators face accountability?

stay tuned.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Stay Classy, Mike

Mike Davis used a profanity laced tweet to tell former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords to “fuck off” after she shared condolences for a National Guard member killed in a shooting and called for action against gun violence. Giffords, who survived being shot in the head while meeting constituents in 2011, has become one of the country’s most visible advocates for gun safety. His outburst did not just punch down, it sneered at the idea that someone scarred by gunfire might want fewer people to live through what she did.​​

What makes it even uglier is how routine this is in MAGA world. Staff Sgt. Sarah Beckstrom was only on that D.C. street because trump flooded the capital with National Guard troops as part of a domestic crackdown that a federal judge has already ruled unlawful, saying he exceeded his authority by using soldiers for open ended “crime deterrence.” Instead of grappling with the fact that this lawless deployment helped put her in the line of fire, Davis tried to redirect blame onto Giffords, Senator Mark Kelly, and Democrats, accusing them of importing “terrorists” while a soldier lay dead in a city militarized for trump’s politics, not public safety.​

Coming after Giffords is not just insensitive, it is obscene. This is a woman whose skull was shattered while doing basic democracy talking with voters in a grocery store parking lot. Mocking her plea for fewer shootings and defending an unlawful troop deployment that turned people like Sarah Beckstrom into expendable props is the tell that this movement is not about freedom or safety, it is about domination, cruelty, and keeping both guns and soldiers on American streets no matter who gets killed.

Just when you think Republicans can’t sink any lower, they never fail to disappoint.

Posted on

Midweek Tiedrich

that he can’t ever have an appropriate human response to anything. you’d imagine that every now and then he’d stumble into decency by accident, but no. somehow, in every situation, he always manages to be the worst person possible.

look at this. Donny can’t even perform the simple ceremonial act of pardoning a turkey without being a ginormous piece of shit.

“instead of pardons, some of my more enthusiastic staffers were already drafting the paperwork to ship Gobble and Waddle straight to the Terrorist Confinement Center in El Salvador.”

HA HA HA HA HA, GET IT? Donny was going to send the turkeys to the same slave-labor torture-gulag into which he disappears innocent migrants. gross human rights violations are so fucking hilarious, am I right?

what kind of sick ghoul even thinks of such a thing to say?

also, ‘Gobble’ and ‘Waddle’? they named the turkeys after the way Donny eats and walks? do you think they intended to name them ‘Goebbels’ and ‘Wehrmacht’ but decided at the last minute it was too on-the-nose?

how dare this corrupt fuck even joke about granting pardons. he’s made a mockery of the whole process. he’s pardoned war criminals. he’s pardoned cop beaters. pedophiles. political cronies. business partners.

stuff a sock in it, Donny. after all that shit, no one’s impressed that you’re pardoning birds.

if Donny had any decency at all, he’d have hidden himself away in shame, and gotten Joe Biden’s autopen to pardon those turkeys. but silly me, for even imagining some farcical version of Donny that has the ability to feel shame.

no, Preznit Fuckwit has no shame — and so he’s out here making sick jokes about disappearing Goebbels and Wehrmacht into a Salvadoran torture prison.

and then he turned the whole thing into just another MAGA rally speech, where he praises himself for all his imaginary accomplishments, and takes gratuitous swipes at his political enemies.

“[JB Pritzger] is a big fat slob.”

fact check: shut the fuck up, Piggy. do you even own a mirror?

it was so fucking ludicrous — and so inappropriate — that even the lapdogs at the Washington Post couldn’t help but commit a journalism and point out the absurdity of it.

while that was going on, Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel’s FBI was busy harassing the six Democrats who committed the high crime of reminding our armed forces to obey the Constitution.

The FBI has requested interviews with six Democratic members of the U.S. Congress who in a video message told members of the military they can legally refuse to carry out unlawful orders, a Justice Department official told Reuters on Tuesday.

what a super-appropriate use of government resources, to send law enforcement to intimidate political opponents who had the temerity to annoy America’s Mad King.

these six Democrats committed no crime, and everyone knows it. this is pure authoritarian bullshit. Dear Leader wants us all to be too terrified to open our mouths in protest of his evil fuckery. yeah, well — here’s a free clue for you, Donny.

we’ve become the very thing we used to mock — a tinpot third-world autocracy being mismanaged into the ground by a dangerous lunatic.

lucky us.

look who Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, Secretary of Who Gives A Shit What He Calls It, is mad at today.

U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is planning for the military to sever all ties with Scouting America, saying the group once known as the Boy Scouts is no longer a meritocracy and has become an organization designed to “attack boy-friendly spaces,” according to documents reviewed by NPR.

apparently the Scouts have come down with a bad case of woke.

In a draft memo to Congress, which sources shared with NPR but which has not yet been sent, Hegseth criticizes Scouting for being “genderless” and for promoting diversity, equity and inclusion.

genderless! oh noes! someone wake up Nancy Mace.

Last year, as a Fox News host, he complained about the Scouts changing their name and admitting girls back in 2018.

what is Piss Drunk Pete afraid of here. the boys are going to get cooties?

His memo to the House and Senate Armed Services committees argues the Scouts have strayed from their mission to “cultivate masculine values.”

what are these ‘masculine values’ that SecDef Kegstand is so hot to have the Scouts ‘cultivate’? is it getting ahem allegedlyblackout drunk and then paying your victim to shut the fuck up about having ahem allegedly been assaulted?

tell me more about these ‘boy-friendly spaces.’ does Piss Drunk Pete imagine himself living inside a Little Rascals short, in which he’s a proud member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club?

maybe if Piss-Drunk Pete is so hot for ‘boys’ to have their own ‘spaces’ where they can learn ‘masculine values,’ maybe he should start his own club. a government-sponsored youth group, complete with its own uniform. a group where boys can learn to be loyal patriots, working to better their lives in service of Dear Leader.

I’m loving this idea.

of course, this new org is going to need a name. how about the Shitler Youth? those two pardoned turkeys, Goebbels and Wehrmacht, can be the official mascots.

or is that too on the nose?

where does Plastered Pete even find time for this penny-ante shit? he’s running an entire branch of the government. he’s responsible for millions of employees. there are only so many hours in the day.

but here he is, drafting memos about whatever stupid bug has wedged itself up his ass on any given day. way to focus on what’s important, you drunk-dialing national security nightmare.

seriously, Donny and all his henchmen are wrecking everything — from the big shit like geopolitical relationships, all the way down to tiny things like what the Scouts call themselves.

it’s all so fucking petty — and, as always, embarrassing.

other countries are laughing at us, when they’re not recoiling in horror.

when these shitsticks leave office, there are going to be so many broken pieces to glue back together. please don’t scream at the next Democratic president when they don’t have everything fixed after three months. it’s going to take years.

let’s go out on a high note. you may think you already know everything there is to know about Mark Kelly. he’s a veteran. a devoted husband. a patriot. a senator. an astronaut. hell, dude’s even worn a gorilla suit in space.

but here’s another thing you may not know about Mark Kelly: he’s a skateboard whiz.

I shit you not. here’s Mark back in 2022, at the Navajo Nation Parade. check out these moves.

look at Mark go! let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

now let’s compare and contrast.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

 

Posted on

Tuesday Tiedrich

Donny’s whole deal during his second reign has been ‘go fuck yourself, I’m doing whatever I want’ — because let’s get real: working within an established system of checks and balances isn’t how Mad Kings roll.

Donny already knows more about governmenting than all the governmenters — so go shove that advice and consent straight up your stinky patoot, Congress. we’re gonna do things the Donny way.

consequently, he’s been pulling shit like inflicting tariffs via executive orders — even though levying taxes is the House’s job. he’s been declaring imaginary emergencies so he can send troops to occupy Democratic cities. and he’s been using ‘interim appointments’ to install low-wattage lackeys like Lindsey Halligan, a dunderhead who had a snowball’s chance of passing the Senate approval process.

up to now, the establishment GOP has been happy to let this all play out. why not? collecting a paycheck for sitting on your ass all day while Dear Leader consolidates power is a pretty sweet gig.

but — holy shit! — there’s every indication that Republicans have finally grown tired of being marginalized, and that Donny’s system of government-by-go-fuck-yourself is coming to a swift and ugly end.

check out this dumbfuckery.

yesterday, Donny’s handlers announced that at 4pm, Dear Leader was going to hold an Oval Bordello dog-and-pony show wherein he would announce that he finally had the framework of a sketch for concept of an outline for a proposal of an almost-a-plan for healthcare.

halfway through announcing that mouthful, CNN’s host had to interrupt herself — because, no, the whole event was abruptly canceled.

“I’m sorry, this has actually been— sorry, we’re getting breaking news while I’m talking to you, I have learned that the White House has postponed its expected unveiling of a new healthcare proposal.”

here’s why that announcement got shitcanned: because congressional Republicans caught wind of it, and were all ‘the fuck you are, pal.’

NEW: White House to delay healthcare proposal after significant congressional backlash.

According to two White House officials the announcement has been delayed, with one of those officials citing strong congressional backlash to Trump’s proposed plan.

Trump planned to make an announcement as early as Monday proposing a framework to address health care costs which included an extension of Obamacare subsides.

of course, Republicans were objecting to Donny’s not-yet-a-plan for the most fucked-up of reasons: because they’re heartless shitwads who want the expiring Obamacare subsidies to stay dead.

but the fact that they openly defied Dear Leader is remarkable.

now, couple that news with this bombshell.

A few other GOP members messaged us over the weekend saying that they, too, are considering retiring in the middle of the term.

Here’s one particularly exercised senior House Republican:

“This entire White House team has treated ALL members like garbage. ALL. And Mike Johnson has let it happen because he wanted it to happen. That is the sentiment of nearly all — appropriators, authorizers, hawks, doves, rank and file. The arrogance of this White House team is off putting to members who are run roughshod and threatened. They don’t even allow little wins like announcing small grants or even responding from agencies. Not even the high profile, the regular rank and file random members are more upset than ever. Members know they are going into the minority after the midterms.

“More explosive early resignations are coming. It’s a tinder box. Morale has never been lower. Mike Johnson will be stripped of his gavel and they will lose the majority before this term is out.”

I know, this sounds too good to be true — but Jake Sherman is the founder of Punchbowl News, which is an extremely reliable source for inside dirt on Capitol Hill. so this news has the potential to be fucking explosive.

we all knew that Donny was going to overreach, and that it would lead to his downfall. it was just matter of when.

as with all-things-Donny, it’s all so stupid — and self-destructive. there was no need for any of this to happen. Congress would have been happy to rubber-stamp almost anything Dear Leader had asked for — tariffs, emergency orders, appointments — but Donny wanted to playact as king, and do everything his way.

yesterday, Donny was the all-powerful Dear Leader. today he’s just a very naughty boy.

the wheels are coming off Donny’s presidency. he’s suddenly vulnerable, and Republicans smell blood in the water. they got their asses handed to them during the election three weeks ago, and they’ve gone into self-preservation mode.

nobody but the hardest-core cultists are taking this “Donny 2028” shit seriously any more. Donny’s now a lame duck, and even normally-craven dipshits like Ted Cruz are coming out of the woodwork to announce a framework of a sketch of a plan to run for president.

none of this shit would be happening if Republicans thought there were any chance of Dear Leader actually becoming King for Life.

boo fucking hoo, Donny. enjoy your increasing irrelevance, you unpleasant piece of shit. you built that.

okay, let’s not get irrationally exuberant. it’s still a long way out of the woods, and there’s a lot of pain and suffering that Donny’s going to try to inflict as he attempts to hold onto power. a rat is most dangerous when it’s cornered.

but I promise you, there is light at the end of the tunnel. someday, this war’s gonna end.

now, are there any more metaphors I can mangle?

here’s another particularly delicious way that Donny’s government-by-go-fuck-yourself has come back to bite him in his flatulent ass.

 

yesterday, the indictments of James Comey and Letitia James went fuckity-bye. so did beauty-queen-turned-insurance-claim-lawyerLindsey Halligan’s short-but-not-short-enough stint as a US Attorney.

U.S. District Judge Cameron McGowan Currie of South Carolina today dismissed the indictments of former Federal Bureau of Investigation director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James, ruling that President Donald J. Trump’s appointment of Lindsey Halligan as interim U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia was invalid.

now, I don’t know dick about how interim appointments work, but Heather Cox Richardson has a great write-up explaining exactly why Donny’s appointment of Halligan violated the Constitution in her latest post — because of course she does. she’s Heather Cox Richardson.

the important thing is that once again, Donny insisting that he gets to play by his own rules, do an end-run around Congress, and install an unqualified lackey to persecute his political enemies has blown up in his big, dumb pumpkin face.

now comes the part where we all throw our heads back in laughter. ready?

this is some bullshit right here.

In a statement on Monday on social media announcing the investigation into Senator Mark Kelly, a veteran, the Pentagon cited a federal law that allows retired service members to be recalled to active duty on orders of the defense secretary for possible court martial or other measures. Kelly served in the US navy as a fighter pilot before going on to become an astronaut. He retired at the rank of captain.

why is the Pentagon taking such extraordinary measures to discipline a veteran? because Kelly was a part of that video in which members of the military were reminded that they had a sworn duty to obey the Constitution. the horror!

it’s a chickenshit move. a dunk tank clown going after a war-hero-turned-astronaut? are you kidding me? fuck straight off with this nonsense, you piss-drunk excuse for a human being.

which brings us to our hero of the day: Senator Reuben Gallego, who has a personal message for the dunk-tank clown.

“you will never ever, ever, ever be even half the man that Senator Kelly is. you, sir, are a coward — and the fact that you are following this order from the president shows how big of a coward you are. and I can’t wait until you no longer are the secretary of defense.”

I stand with Ruben Gallego. let’s all stand with Reuben — and with Mark Kelly, and every other victim of Donny’s fucked-up presidency.

someday this war’s gonna end.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Monday Tiedrich

so, there’s this new ‘Ukraine peace plan,’ and, well —

tell me, is it a bad thing when Vlad Putin’s stooges dictate US foreign policy? is it a bad thing when the US Secretary of State passes off some farcical Russian ‘peace plan’ as his own?

is it a bad thing when the US foreign policy negotiating team is made up of corrupt, unqualified and inexperienced amateurs?

is it a bad thing when the US Secretary of State and the US Vice President apparently hate each other’s guts?

and is it a bad thing when the US President is so cognitively impaired and detached from reality that he has no idea that any of this dumbfuckery is going on right under his rotting nose?

this whole fucktangle of shitkazooery began last week, when Axios dropped this on us.

The Trump administration has been secretly working in consultation with Russia to draft a new plan to end the war in Ukraine, U.S. and Russian officials tell Axios.

oh huh, a peace plan to end the Ukraine war. I guess that’s … good?

spoiler alert: no, it’s not good. in fact, it’s double-plus-ungood — because look at the shitsticks involved in this so-called ‘negotiation.’

The meeting took place in Miami at the end of October and included special envoy Steve Witkoff, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and Kirill Dmitriev, who leads the Russian Direct Investment Fund, one of Russia’s largest sovereign wealth funds.

just seeing the name ‘Steve Witkoff’ should be setting off alarm bells in your head, because here’s a fun fact about old Stevie.

Witkoff is not a seasoned diplomat. in fact, he’s not any kind of diplomat. he’s a real estate developer. he’s one of Donny’s New York slumlord cronies from back in the day.

and here’s the icing on your shitty Witkoff cake: this dumbfuck doesn’t speak any Russian — and he’s an easily-played dimwit.

remember last August when Donny set up that despot bestie playdate with Putin in Alaska, so they could announce yet another Ukraine peace plan? remember what happened? Donny got played by Putin, who had no intention of agreeing to any plan. that whole fucking debacle was Steve Witkoff’s fault.

Quickly, though, it became clear that Witkoff’s description of Putin’s offer was wrong, either because Putin had misled him or because he had misunderstood: Witkoff does not speak Russian and, according to former U.S. ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul, does not use a notetaker from the U.S. embassy.

as I wrote at the time.

oh, come the fuck on. Witkoff doesn’t speak the language, doesn’t use a US embassy notetaker, and relies on a translator provided by Putin. it’s a recipe for disaster, and guess what: a disaster is exactly what we got.

Witkoff was in way over his head, fucked up royally, and should have resigned or been fired on the spot. that’s what would have happened in any sane administration. but not only did Witkoff survive that embarrassing episode, he was then sent to negotiate another peace plan — and look who he brought with him: Jared Kushner, Donny Convict’s over-leveraged and under-qualified slumlord son-in-law. why is this low-wattage nitwit still involved in US foreign policy? and why are they ‘negotiating’ with an oligarch crony of Putin’s who runs a wealth management fund? not one of these dumb-asses has any foreign policy experience.

none of what I just typed makes a single lick of sense. oh shit, it’s happening again.

okay, so when this new 28-point ‘Ukraine peace plan’ leaked, the international foreign policy community was all ‘what the fuck? did Putin write this shit?’

it was a legit thing to wonder, because the ‘plan’ was the same laundry list of demands Russia’s been making since day one — especially this bit.

Territories:

a. Crimea, Luhansk and Donetsk to be recognized De-Facto as Russian, including by the United States.

b. Kherson and Zaporizhzhia to be frozen at the contact line, which would mean a De-Facto recognition at the contact line.

now here’s where the clownfuckery dial gets twisted way past eleven — because it came out that, in fact, Russia did author that ‘peace plan.’Witkoff and Jared were apparently just acting as glorified stenographers and going ‘yes? what else would you like?’

next time, can we just send Beavis and Butt-head to ‘negotiate’? could they do worse?

hey, can we send Bruce Willis?

after the news leaked about the ‘plan’ being Russia’s, Marco Rubio posted this gobbledygook to Elon’s Nazi Bar.

“Ending a complex and deadly war such as the one in Ukraine requires an extensive exchange of serious and realistic ideas. And achieving a durable peace will require both sides to agree to difficult but necessary concessions. That is why we are and will continue to develop a list of potential ideas for ending this war based on input from both sides of this conflict.”

what does that even mean? did ChatGPT write Marco’s not-tweet? it sounds like a fifth grader giving an oral report on a book he forgot he to read.

‘the Ukraine peace plan is a plan for peace in Ukraine, and that’s why everyone should read the Ukraine Peace Plan. thank you.’

look, you can’t expect Marco to have any idea what’s going on — he has like fourteen jobs. dude’s a very busy guy.

for those of you keeping score at home, Marco Rubio is now Secretary of State, Interim National Security Adviser, the Acting Administrator of USAID, and Acting Archivist of the United States.

then, a bunch of US Senators told reporters that Marco had admitted to them that Russia had written that ‘plan’ — and that in fact, it was Russia’s ‘wish list.’

The senators said they spoke to Rubio after he reached out to some of them while on his way to Geneva for talks on the plan. Independent Maine Sen. Angus King said Rubio told them the plan “was not the administration’s plan” but a “wish list of the Russians’.”

at which point, Rubio went back to Elon’s Nazi Bar to insist that ‘nuh-uh, we wrote that shit.’

“The peace proposal was authored by the U.S. It is offered as a strong framework for ongoing negotiations It is based on input from the Russian side. But it is also based on previous and ongoing input from Ukraine.”

what the fuck? why all the backpedaling and flip-flopping? to what end? what does any of Marco’s repeated self-contradictive dissembling accomplish, except to make the US look like it’s run by a bunch of morons who even lie to each other?

which, another spoiler alert: it is.

fuck Marco Rubio. and fuck every Democrat who defended their vote to confirm this guy ‘because he seemed like Donny’s most-normal pick’

why was everyone in the administration blindsided by this? doesn’t any one of these clowns know what’s going on?

oh wait, there is one guy who was apparently aware of the whole thing: US Vice President Couchfuck McGee. it seems he’d taken a break from molesting furniture to greenlight this whole cockamamie clusterfuck in the first place.

this tidbit comes from Bill Kristol.

1. Vance key to US embrace of Russia plan on Ukraine, Rubio (and even Trump) out of the loop.

2. Vance-Rubio relations “awful.”

so now Couchfuck is running his own foreign policy operation, cutting the secretary of state — who he apparently hates — and even the president out of the loop? how is that even allowed to happen? am I on crazy pills?

remember when the job of a vice president was to sit there like a lump and shut the fuck up? used to be, they’d show the new vice president to their office and go ‘try not to break anything, we’ll call you if the president dies.’

not any more. thanks to Dick Cheney, it’s now the job of every Republican Vice President to fuck shit up — but at least Cheney kept George W. Chimpface in the loop.

Couchfuck is out here doing his own thing, and Demented Donny is off in cloud-cuckoo land.

Preznit Fuckwit can’t be bothered to pay attention to — or even care about — what his own flunkies are doing. he’s too busy tarting up the Oval Bordello. he’s too busy tearing down the East Wing, and planning gaudy monuments to himself all up and down the Washington Mall.

he’s too busy overhauling the golf course at Joint Base Andrews.

why does the airfield where Air Force One is kept have a golf course? doesn’t Donny already have enough of his own vermin-infested golf motels at his disposal?

apparently Donny’s also too busy pestering Hollywood to make more movies tailored to his own vulgar tastes.

“the president is offering some creative input on potential upcoming projects.”

way to keep focused on what’s important, you ginormous fucking clown.

oh, and don’t forget that Donny’s also too busy enriching himself and his family — an undertaking which is apparently going great guns.

Trump Media & Technology Group, the social media and crypto company, is trading at all-time lows as Bitcoin and other tokens keep plunging.

The Trump family’s holdings at their peak in mid-May 2024 were worth nearly $6.5 billion. Their value has fallen by more than $5.3 billion since then.

no one could have predicted that investing in imaginary money whose only purpose is paying for crimes would be a bad idea.

everything Donny touches dies — including, it seems, his own corruptly-acquired wealth.

shoot that shit right into my veins.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.