Category: 2025

yesterday was the first day of the Republican shutdown of our government, and Republicans spent it doing what they always do: swanning about like utter fucking shitheads, and shitheading up a storm.

let us document some of the atrocities.

remember how Donny stood up in front of eight hundred admirals and generals at Piss-Drunk Pete’s Big Hunkin’ WarriorFest and told them all that they should be using America’s cities for ‘military training’?

what an awesome idea. sure, instead of boring old basic training, let’s tell our soldiers, ‘hey, you want to know how to shoot a gun and go to war and stuff? okay, go practice on Americans first.’

of course you remember. it was one of the evilest things ever to spew out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth. it’s unforgettable.

oh no wait, there’s one guy who’s apparently in the dark. I guess he wandered away from the TV right at that moment.

I’m talking of course about Holy Mike Johnson, the limpest dick in Congress. he has no fucking clue what everyone’s so riled up about.

George Stephanopoulos: “Trump said yesterday that he wants American cities to be used as ‘training grounds’ for the military. is that the highest and best use of the military?”

Holy Mike: “I run the House. and what we need to be talking about today is real harm that the American people are going to feel because of what Schumer is doing.”

Stephanopoulos: “hold on a second. answer the question. as Speaker, do you believe it’s appropriate to use American cities as training grounds for the military, calling those people ‘the enemy within’?”

Holy Mike: “I’m not commenting on your characterization of what the president said.”

Stephanopoulos: “those are quotes. they are not characterizations.”

Holy Mike: “well you can take his quotes out of context, which you often do, and I don’t think that’s fair to the president.”

ah, there we go. that’s what all these cowardly Republican shitheads do when called upon defend one of Donny’s crazypants mouth-farts: whine about how it’s so unfair for Dear Leader’s words to be taken out of context.

taken out of what context? there’s only one context, that of a demented sadist horny to inflict suffering and death on cities that displease him.

but wait, Holy Mike’s not done being a shithead.

here’s a name you need to know: Adelita Grijalva.

Grijalva, a Democrat from Arizona’s 7th district, was elected to the House last week. she replaces her father, the late Raúl Grijalva, who died while in office. here’s a fun, awesome fact about Adelita: once sworn in, she’ll be the 218th — and deciding — vote in favor of Thomas Massie’s discharge petition to release the full Epstein Files.

so, if she was elected a week ago, why the fuck hasn’t she been sworn in yet?

I just explained why, weren’t you listening? she hasn’t been sworn in specifically because she’s the deciding vote to force the release of the Epstein Files — and Holy Mike doesn’t want any of that shit to happen.

if Grijalva were a Republican, and a reliable no vote for Massie’s petition, Holy Mike would have sworn her in the moment her plane landed in DC. but she’s not.

so, Adelita sits and waits. what’s that old saying? oh yeah: justice delayed is justice denied. release the full, unedited Epstein Files, you fucking fucks.

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here’s the next shithead on our list: Vice President Couchfuck McGee.

the White House sent the furniture molester out to do Shutdown Damage Control yesterday, and he used his time to play a vigorous round of Things That Never Happened The Most.

“if you’re an American citizen and you’ve been to the hospital in the last few years, you’ve probably noticed that wait times are especially large and very often somebody who’s there in the emergency room, waiting, is an illegal alien, very often it’s a person who can’t speak speak English. why do those people get healthcare benefits at hospitals paid for by American citizens? the answer is a decision made by the Biden administration.”

fact check: go fuck a couch.

the reason that any person can go to an emergency room and get treatment is the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act, which was signed into law by that well-known commie marxist radical leftist lunatic, Ronald Reagan, in 1986.

but Couchfuck never passes up an opportunity to demonize immigrants. he wants you to imagine that you can’t get treatment, because ERs nationwide have all been overrun by swarthy hordes going ‘help me, doctor, I was eating my neighbor’s pets and I dropped the skillet on my foot, and now my big toe is all hurty.’

but I have a question: where was Donny? why wasn’t the Mad King out there, taking questions from the press? that fucker loves a camera.

there was only one item on Donny’s official schedule yesterday: another executive order dog-and-pony show.

and unless I missed something, I’m pretty sure even that didn’t happen — or, at the least, Donny signed orders without making a show of it in front of the press, which seems super fucking unlikely.

and there’s nothing public on Donny official schedule for today.

here we go again. the desperately-needy attention-trollop who can’t go fifteen minutes without finding a camera to stand in front of is missing in action, in the middle of the juiciest story of the year: a government shutdown. you would figure he would have endless bullshit to say about it — so where is he?

is Donny having another mysterious medical event that we’ll never get told about?

or maybe Preznit Fuckwit is out of sight because he’s hard at work bringing an end to the seventeen thousandth imaginary war — which, by the way, the whole fucking world is laughing at us over.

need proof? here’s a thing that just happened right now, while I’m in the middle of writing this piece:

U.S. President Donald Trump’s geographic confusion was the butt of a joke between world leaders at a summit Thursday.

Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama was filmed poking fun with French President Emmanuel Macron and Azerbaijan’s President Ilham Aliyev at the European Political Community meeting in Copenhagen on Thursday.

“You should make an apology … to us because you didn’t congratulate us on the peace deal that President Trump made between Albania and Azerbaijan,” Rama told Macron, leading Aliyev to burst out laughing.

“I am sorry for that,” Macron joked.

here’s the video:

tell me, is there a Nobel Prize for being a complete fucking embarrassment?

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ooks like we have time for one more shithead: Noseferatu McGoebbels.

listen to this over-amped maniac salivate over the idea of a military invasion of Memphis. he’s apparently hopped up on the kind of sugar high you can only get from biting the heads off of live bats.

“all that bullshit is done, over, it’s finished. the gangbangers you deal with — they think they’re ruthless? they have no idea how ruthless we are. they think they’re tough? they have no idea how tough we are. they think they’re hardcore? we are so much more hardcore than they are.”

lighten the fuck up, tough guy. who’s ‘we’? Nosferatu McGoebbels is what would happen if ‘oh yeah? you and what army?’ became a real boy.

I have, as always, a question: why is Stephen Miller calling in air strikes on Venezuelan fishermen?

Stephen Miller, the White House deputy chief of staff, has played a leading role in directing US strikes against suspected Venezuelan drug boats, according to three people familiar with the situation. At times, his role has superseded that of Marco Rubio, the secretary of state and national security adviser.

I don’t know much about militarying, but I’m pretty sure that White House deputy chief of staff isn’t supposed to be part of the chain of command.

‘there’s a boat in the water? oh, I’m sorry, neither the president nor the secretary of state is available right now, but here’s the chief of staff’s assistant.’

yeah, let’s put an undead racist in charge of deciding which fishing boats get blown to fuck. what could possibly go wrong?

and now — because you’ve earned it by reading down this far — here’s your hero of the day: Democratic Rep. Madeleine Dean.

yesterday, Rep. Dean cornered Holy Mike in the halls of Congress and got him to make a very interesting confession.

Madeleine Dean: “the president is unhinged. he is unwell.”

Holy Mike: “a lot of folks on your side are, too.”

Dean: “oh my god, please. that performance in front of the generals?”

Holy Mike: “I didn’t see it.”

Dean: “it’s so dangerous! our allies are looking elsewhere. our enemies are laughing. you have a president who is unwell.”

did you catch that? when Dean said Donny was unhinged and unwell, Holy Mike didn’t say ‘no he isn’t’ — he said ‘a lot of folks on your side are, too.’

‘too.’

Republicans know their Mad King is fucking nuts. they all know.

let’s go. 25th Amendment now. after which, release the Epstein Files.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.