Category: 2025

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Monday Tiedrich

Sorry I’m late today. I’ve been in a mood.

gather ’round, kiddies. Uncle Couchfuck is going to read to us again from the Big Book of Things That Never Happened the Most.

“this is how wars ultimately get settled. if you go back to World War 2, if you go back to every major conflict in human history, they all end with some kind of negotiation.”

hang on, what kind of fever-swamp revisionist fairy-tale bullshit is this? Word War Two ended because of negotiation?

fact check: fuck all the way off.

oh, come on. this such a stupid and easily-batted-down lie. World War Two ended with the unconditional surrenders of Germany, Italy and Japan.

but oh no no no, insists Couchfuck. World War Two was negotiated.

that Harry S. Truman, he must have been one fuck of a negotiator, to get Hitler to agree to put a bullet in his own head — and wouldn’t you have loved to have sat in on the phone call where Truman bargained Mussolini down to being a urine-soaked corpse hung upside down in the street?

Benito, have I got a deal for you.

look, JD Vance is highly educated. he graduated from Yale with a law degree. he knows how World War Two ended — so why on earth would he spew such laughable twaddle? does he think we’re that stupid? spoiler alert: yes, JD Vance thinks we’re that stupid. he also knows that MAGA is that stupid, and will believe anything he tells them. fair point, JD. we’ll give you that one.

but mostly, JD Vance is performing for that Audience of One who’s in the White House, glued to the TV while jamming burger after burger into his gluttonous face.

Donny — a preening, broken-inside bottomless pit of need — is watching, so JD has to flatter the shit out of him. he can’t just simply mumble something semi-reasonable about how Dear Leader’s going to deal his way out of thiswar — he has to twist the bullshit dial all the way to 11, and pretend that all wars that have ever been fought have been ended via negotiation.

so, Donny’s going to negotiate an end to Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine?

fat fucking chance.

I guarantee that when Donny imagines himself as The Great Negotiator, this is what he sees: Bruce Willis in The Fifth Element, entering with guns blazing and then asking ‘anyone else want to negotiate?’

yeah, no, Donny. we’ve seen you operate. we know who you really are, when it comes to negotiations.

the fact is that Donny is shit at negotiating. Donnie Dealmaker is a character he played on a game show. it’s complete farce.

here’s a fun story that Jane Mayer wrote for The New Yorker, during Donny’s first reign.

in the 1980s, when Donny was looking for someone to ghostwrite The Art of the Deal, he asked journalist Tony Schwartz to do it. Schwartz absolutely did not fucking want any part of it.

He knew that if he took Trump’s money and adopted Trump’s voice, his journalism career would be badly damaged. His heroes were such literary nonfiction writers as Tom Wolfe, John McPhee, and David Halberstam. Being a ghostwriter was hackwork.

so here’s what Schwartz did: he asked for a ginormous amount of money, figuring no one would be fuckwit enough to agree to it, and that Donny would then go find someone else to ghostwrite the book. problem solved, right? wrong.

He told Trump that if he would give him half the advance and half the book’s royalties he’d take the job.

Such terms are unusually generous for a ghostwriter. Trump, despite having a reputation as a tough negotiator, agreed on the spot. “It was a huge windfall,” Schwartz recalls.

Donny got played — and it took all of ten seconds.

you know what percentage of royalties a ghostwriter usually receives? it’s zero. nothing. zip. nada. ghostwriters are generally paid a flat fee. but Tony Schwartz asked Donny for half — and The Great Dealmaker agreed to it, without even ten seconds of negotiating.

oh, and spoiler alert: ghostwriting The Art of the Deal turned out to be a nightmare.

But the discussion was soon hobbled by what Schwartz regards as one of Trump’s most essential characteristics: “He has no attention span.”

For the book, Trump needed to provide him with sustained, thoughtful recollections. He asked Trump to describe his childhood in detail. After sitting for only a few minutes in his suit and tie, Trump became impatient and irritable. He looked fidgety, Schwartz recalls, “like a kindergartner who can’t sit still in a classroom.” Even when Schwartz pressed him, Trump seemed to remember almost nothing of his youth, and made it clear that he was bored. Far more quickly than Schwartz had expected, Trump ended the meeting.

bored, irritable, with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel. all the shit that makes Donny impossible to deal with was already in place in the 1980s — and now you can throw advanced dementia into the mix.

this is the low-wattage stumblefuck who’s going to negotiate an end to the war in Ukraine? oh please. stop insulting our intelligence, JD.

oh wait, it seems Couchfuck isn’t finished thoroughly debasing himself. was there something more you wanted to get off your chest, my dude?

“what I admire about the president is he’s not trying to focus on every nitpicky detail of how this thing started three and a half year ago, he’s trying to focus on the nitpicky details of now.”

sigh.

RUSSIA STARTED AN UNPROVOKED WAR — but sure, let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who. it’s all too nitpicky.

hang on, here’s another Republican elbowing his way to the front of the self-humiliation line.

Margaret Brennan: “the president wants to buy a ten percent stake in Intel. that company says that now, basically, is going to have US taxpayers, as a shareholder, own ten percent. as a conservative, do you think the government should have ownership stakes in private companies?”

New York Rep Mike Lawler: “generally speaking, no … I think what the president is seemingly trying to do is get a return on these tens of billions of dollars that are being invested by US taxpayers into companies like Intel.”

seriously, Mike?

fact check: when the government owns the means of production, that’s literally a little thing we like to call State Socialism.

State socialism is a political and economic ideology within the socialist movement that advocates state ownership of the means of production.

which is a thing that Mike Lawler is definitely against, when he’s not for it.

“Zohran Mamdani’s push for government-owned grocery stores is straight out of the Marxist playbook, and history shows exactly how this experiment ends. New Yorkers deserve solutions, not socialist fantasies that have failed spectacularly every time they’ve been tried.”

so, socialism baaaaaaad, when Democrats suggest doing it, but goooood when Donny actually does it — and, when asked to square this doublethink, Lawler spews incomprehensible gibberish. basically, Dear Leader gets to do whatever he gets it in his deteriorating mind to do, because reasons.

this is our current nightmarish reality. America’s Mad King does something completely antithetical to decades of strict Republican dogma, and then we get to watch as an entire political party ties itself into knots trying to pretend that oh, absolutely, we’ve always been at war with Oceana.

if Donny farted out an executive order this very afternoon decreeing that everyone had to wear their underwear on their head, Republicans would be all over the Sunday shows with — you guessed it — underwear on their heads.

what a fucking time to be alive. lucky us.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Tiedrich Friday

yesterday, the California Legislature passed, and Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law, the Texas Can Go Fuck Itself Act of 2025.

the legislation will enable a special election to be held on November 4th that will ask voters to grant final approval to newly drawn congressional districts in order to shitcan five Republican seats in the US House of Representatives. current polling indicates that voters favor the shit out of this plan.

California, fuck yeah.

“we got here because the president of the United States is struggling. we got here because the president of the United States is one of the most unpopular presidents in U.S. history. we got here because he recognizes that he will lose the election and Congress will go back into the hands of the Democratic Party next November. we got here because of his failed policies. those are being exposed hour by hour, reinforced today by Walmart announcing they’ll be raising prices, because of the tax increases. because of the tariffs. we’re reminded every day by a slowing economy, growing mistrust, distrust, all across this nation, across the board, he is failing. he recognizes that, and that’s why he made a phone call to Greg Abbott, asking for five seats. he can’t win by playing by traditional sets of rules. he plays by no rules. I remind you all the time: it’s not the Rule of Law, it’s the Rule of Don — and we’re standing up to that. we’re responding to that.”

it cannot be stressed enough that it shouldn’t have to be this way. California shouldn’t have to do fuckery to counter Texas’ fuckery.

in a sanely-run country, every state’s maps would be mandated by an independent commission that would divvy everything up in a fair and non-partisan way. y’know, true representational government. none of these fucked-up amoeba-shaped districts like the one that enables the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach Jim Jordan to be reelected over and over in perpetuity, despite being one of the most-useless pantloads ever to stalk the halls of Congress.

but we don’t live in a sanely-run country. we live in the United States of the Stupidest Bullshit Ever, where every fucking thing has to be a battle.

it’s the dumbest possible way to run a country.

but this is a battle the Republican Party started — because they know their policies fucking suck, and they can’t win free and fair elections. so they’re allthe hell with playing fair, let’s just cheat our way to victory. it’s the Donny Convict way.


you want a battle? fine. go fuck yourselves. we’re going to do things the Untouchables way.

here’s another stupid hyper-partisan battle our country should not have to be fighting right now: is the current president a drooling imbecile, or what? — because fucking duh, he absolutely is.

this is an actual thing that happened yesterday: Donny phoned into one of these MAGAfied hate-radio programs, and proudly announced that he was going to personally patrol the ‘dangerous’ streets of DC that very night, like some fucked-up geriatric Batman.

I’m going to be going out tonight with the police and with the military, of course,” Trump told conservative host Todd Starnes. Trump has previously described the national capital as riddled with “crime” and “dangerous.”

here’s what happened next: Donny waddled over to the U.S. Park Police operations center and gibbered like a maniac for half an hour, about all the usual nonsense the demented old fuck obsesses over — like grass.

“one of the things will be redoing is your parks. I’m very good at grass, ’cause I have a lot of golf courses all over the place. I know more about grass than any human being I think anywhere in the world. and we’re going to be regrassing all your parks, all brand-new sprinkler systems, the best that you can buy, like Augusta. no, it’ll look like Augusta. it’ll look like, more importantly, Trump National Golf Club, that’s even better. but we’re gonna look, we’re gonna have all brand-new beautiful grass. you know like everything else, grass has a life. do you know that? grass has a life. you know, we have a life and grass has a life. and the grass here died about 40 years ago.”

what the fuck? what grass? who gives a shit about grass? where are these parks that Donny’s so horny to turn into shittier versions of his shitty golf motels? above all, why is the president of the United States wasting one second of his time on grass? doesn’t he have a real job?

oh wait — no, he doesn’t. Nosferatu McGoebbels is actually running the country, leaving Donny all the time in the world to regrass all our parks.

I guess this is a good place to remind everyone that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge is now in its 1,950th day.

also, I’m pretty sure I know one guy who’s better at grass than Preznit Fuckwit.

so, how did Donny’s patrolling of the streets of DC go last night?

it never fucking happened.

after Donny’s blither-session at the Parks Police HQ, he waddled back to the White House, and that was that. Donny presumably spent the rest of his day flopped on a couch, watching himself on TV.

once again, America’s Mad King goes completely off the rails — makes a huge boast about how he’s going to personally patrol the streets, does a crazypants speech, and then disappears without doing one second of “patrolling” — and everybody just shrugs and goes ‘yeah, that happened.’

none of this is normal — and once again, we’re all numbed by the firehose of insanity.

and now here’s what might just be the dumbest imaginary battle ever, because it’s over a corporate logo.

“sparking some ire” is really underplaying what actually happened: the worst fucking people on the planet completely lost their shit.

“In college, I worked at @CrackerBarrel in Tallahassee. I even gave my life to Christ in their parking lot. Their logo was iconic and their unique restaurants were a fixture of American culture. No one asked for this woke rebrand. It’s time to Make Cracker Barrel Great Again.”

dude gave his life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.

bro, you might want to ask Christ for it back — because you desperately need to get a life, if this is the kind of nonsense you’re getting all worked up over.

also, Byron — are you sure that was Christ? are you sure you didn’t get mugged by a junkie? because I’ve seen a lot of skeevy longhaired dudes in parking lots in my life — and none of them turned out to be Jesus.

here’s the new logo, and yeah, it sucks. it’s charmless and sterile, but so what?


and how it is woke? I can’t figure it out. Charlotte Clymer can’t figure it out.

They believe someone like me—a progressive trans woman—is cheering on the new logo change, which I find very confusing. I’m genuinely confused.

Tragically, I am something of an expert on anti-woke propaganda—which is an incredibly sad and pathetic area of expertise—and my hand to god, I honestly don’t know why rightwing influencers think I should be happy about the logo change.

does MAGA really need to turn every fucking thing, no matter how insignificant, into a culture war battle? it’s a corporate logo. of course it’s sterile, that’s been the trend in logo design for a over hundred years.


MAGA was so up in arms over the logo change, that Cracker Barrel stock plunged right into the shitter.

Cracker Barrel shed almost $100 million in market value after its stock plunged Thursday following the release of a new logo. The new design eliminates a longstanding drawing of an overall-clad man leaning against a barrel, in favor of a cleaner logo featuring just the chain’s name.

Christ in a Cracker Barrel, how incomprehensibly idiotic is that?

free clue for MAGA: normal people don’t obsess over shit this stupid. normal people don’t see everything as an ideological battle to be fought tooth and nail. normal people don’t glue their identities to a corporate logo. corporations don’t give a fuck about you. just like Dear Leader. he doesn’t give a fuck about you, either.

look, MAGA — if you hate the new Cracker Barrel logo, maybe you’ll like this one better.

because seriously, the only thing you need to know about this whole made up controversy over a fucking corporate logo is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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They don’t have the manpower to prosecute everyone, so why not?

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Thursday Tiedrich

Gavin Newsom and his social media team are humiliating the living shit out of Republicans right now — and Republicans have no one to blame but themselves.

don’t feed the troll.’

it’s the first thing most of us learn on the internet. if someone is deliberately trying to wind you up, just to provoke response, don’t engage. don’t give them the pleasure of a reply. it’s what they want. it’s how they win. just walk away.

and for fuck’s sake, don’t ever feed the troll when the troll is so much better at internetting than you are.

perhaps the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun should stick to his day job as an obscure podcaster.

it’s been over a week since Team Newsom started tweeting in the crazypants ALL CAPS style of Mad King Donny. imagine for a moment what would have happened if the Republican response had been silence. Newsom’s joke would have been funny for a couple of days, and then the world would have moved on to the next shiny object.

but no, Republicans can’t keep silent — and as a result they keep getting their asses handed to them.

as always, the wingnuts’ infantile insults reveal more about them than they intend to.

“Gavin and his team of beta males who sit down to pee.”

pro tip: normal people don’t obsess over what goes on in bathrooms.

Team Newsom has held up a mirror to what unserious nitwits conservatives are, and it’s broken their brains.

let’s listen to the man himself break it down.

“I mean, even poor Kid Rock — these guys, they’ve gotten a little precious, haven’t they? the folks at Fox are like, ‘oh, this is so unbecoming of a governor. oh, oh.’ and meanwhile, they sit there reading his tweets every single day. are they really that out of touch? it’s jaw-dropping how precious and concerned the New York Post has suddenly gotten. how the Wall Street Journal board is like, ‘oh no, we can’t have this.’ I mean, what I hope is that we’re exposing it all. I hope we’re entertaining some people.”

the governor asks, ‘are they really that out of touch?’

the answer is clear: oh fucking yes, they are.

Fox News has done as much as anyone to keep this story alive. they just keep bringing on an endless series of tiresome scolds to explain why it’s perfectly okay for Dear Leader to tweet like a coked-up squirrel, but it’s not okay for Gavin Newsom to mimic it.

oh look, here’s Couchfuck McGee to drone on about authenticity.

this idea that Gavin Newsom is somehow going to mimic Donald Trump’s style — that ignores the fundamental genius of President Trump’s political success that he is authentic. don’t be a crazy person. be authentic.”

that’s rich, getting lessons in authenticity from JD Vance.

this is the automaton whose idea of human interaction is to lurch mechanically into a donut shop and be all ‘hello fellow life-form, for what time period have you been commercing confections, HA HA that’s great.’

America’s Mad King is authentic? oh please. there’s nothing authentic about the guy with a fake tan, fake teeth, fake hair, fake golf scores, fake SAT scores, fake bone spurs, lifts in his shoes, a girdle around his waist, and god knows what the fuck else is going on under those shapeless clothes.

on and on goes the endless parade of Fox News bobbleheads. who even knew that Kellyanne Conway was still a thing?

look at Gavin Newsom. now he’s busy trolling on social media, and it’s cringe … because Donald Trump is one of one. only he can do what he’s done with social media.”

fact check: fuck no, it’s not true that only Dear Leader can tweet like Dear Leader. Donny’s dumb-ass ALL CAPS style is so easily-mockable that even a map company can do it.

that’s why all this shit is so fucking hilarious. that’s why the very second anyone tweets out bombastic all-caps nonsense, you know exactly who’s being parodied.

look, MAGA: the reason it’s so easy to mock Dear Leader is because he’s done ninety-five percent of the job for us. he’s already a joke.

Donny Convict is a buffoon. he walks like a buffoon, talks like a buffoon, and tarts himself up like a buffoon.

that’s why you can stick an orange wig on a muppet and everyone immediately knows who’s being made fun of.

it’s not our fault that the guy you worship is a clown. that was your choice.

grow a sense of humor.

oh, look who else can’t stop whining about Gavin Newsom. it’s the White House Deputy Press Secretary.

“The all caps tweets from Newsom’s team are very weird and not at all funny but I know some dweeb is sitting in they/thems office cackling to themselves thinking they’re a world class comedian.”

fact check:

oh, lucky us. MSNBC’s most-useless pantload has entered the chat.

“it’s quite embarrassing, actually. I mean, Gavin Newsom, I mean have you seen what he’s doing online, and [hugh sigh] just take a deep breath.”

shut the fuck up, Morning Joe. you’re of no use to anyone.

you know what’s “quite embarrassing”? that stunt that happened about ten minutes after Donny was elected last November, when Morning Joe and Any Time Of Day Mika slunk down to Motel-a-Lago to grovel at Dear Leader’s feet.

‘oh, please don’t be mean to us, we promise to say only nice things about you.’

so again, Joe: shut. the. fuck. up. you’re not fit to shine Gavin Newsom’s shoes. we’ll give you a call if we ever need tips on kow-towing to a tinpot fascist.

even Donny himself can’t let this story die. he was at it again last night — and, of course, Gavin Newsom had the perfect one-word response.

maybe Donny should sit the whole Newsom thing out, and go back to denying ever meeting his dead pedo bestie.

speaking of which: the only thing you really need to know about all this ginned-up wingnut outrage over Gavin Newsom’s tweets is that Donny Convict’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

and now, it’s time for your Hero of the Day.

one has to wonder why Couchfuck McGee even bothers to go out in public any more. no matter where on the planet he goes, he’s met with angry, shouting crowds. yesterday, for some inexplicable reason, JD got it into his vapid head to stroll into Washington DC’s Union Station, and — well, here’s your hero.

“oh look, it’s Couchfucker. you gonna fuck a couch, buddy? GO FUCK A COUCH, JD VANCE, GO FUCK A COUCH!”

thank you to the approximately two hundred thousand people who messaged me to let me know it happened. you’re all doing the lord’s work.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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What Could Possibly Go Wrong?!

Google’s First Nuclear Reactor Project is Coming to Tennessee

It’s not new news that big tech companies have been looking at nuclear for powering their datacenter, but Google is making some news in my home state. Here is Amanda Peterson Corio, the company’s Global Head of Data Center Energy:

Today we announced the first deployment of Kairos Power’s advanced nuclear reactor — the Hermes 2 Plant in Oak Ridge, Tennessee — through a new power purchase agreement (PPA) between Kairos Power and Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA). Marking the first purchase of electricity from an advanced GEN IV reactor by a U.S. utility, this agreement will enable 50 megawatts (MW) of nuclear energy on TVA’s grid that powers our data centers in Montgomery County, Tennessee and Jackson County, Alabama.

Last October, we began a long-term collaboration with Kairos Power to unlock up to 500 MW of nuclear power for the U.S. electricity system through multiple deployments of their small modular reactor. With this next step, we are creating a three-party solution where energy customers, utilities, and technology developers work together to advance new technologies that can help meet the world’s growing energy needs with reliable, affordable capacity.

TVA will buy power from the Kairos plant starting in 2030.

Oak Ridge is a name that may be familiar to some, as the site was part of the Manhattan Project.

[source]

And let me guess…it’s gonna be built with absolutely no government oversight whatsoever.

Can you say Chernobyl, Tennessee?

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FUCK This Bullshit

From Hopes & Fears:

The next time a Republikkkan says that we can’t have restrictive gun laws or red flag laws because “the 2nd ammendment”, remind them that their president sent the national guard into the streets of DC in order to quell anti Trump protests, to flex his fascist power and as training to make this same move in other Blue cities

Because if it was really about the 2nd amendment those folks who claim that their reason to stockpile guns and ammo is that they need to be prepared as a “well regulated Militia” being “necessary to the security of a free State”.

This was your sign

This was what you said you were waiting for

But you lied

You were only waiting for someone to say they were coming to take your guns

Dems should take this as a sign that should they ever get back in power, to disregard the 2nd amendment arguments and go ahead with all gun control measures because all these people are full of shit