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Tuesday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich
if Mad King Donny thought questions about his dead pedo bestie wouldn’t follow him all the way to his dilapidated Scotland golf motel, boy did he think wrong — but thinking wrong has pretty much always been Donny’s brand.
Preznit Fuckwit had one of his Many Big Meetings™ yesterday — this one with British Prime Minister Keir Starmer. ostensibly, the meeting was to announce that the two countries had once again agreed to meet to discuss an outline for a framework for notes of a concept for an inkling of a trade deal — but none of the assembled reporters wanted to talk about that dog-and-pony shit. their questions were more along the lines of ‘what the fuck are you covering up, bro?’
reporter: “you said you have not been briefed on the Epstein Files, or your name does not appear in the Epstein Files. but doesn’t the AG have to tell you if your name—”
Donny: “well, I haven’t been overly interested in it. you know, it’s something— it’s a hoax that’s been built up way beyond proportion. I can say this, those files were run by the worst scum on earth. they were run by, uh, Comey, they were run by Garland, they were run by Biden and all of the people that actually ran the government, including the autopen. those files were run for four years, by those people. if they had anything, I assume they would have released it. the whole thing is a hoax. they ran the files. I was running against somebody that ran the files. if they had something, they would have released— now, they can easily put something in the file that’s a phony.”
hoo-boy. let’s see if we can parse this lunatic’s shit-blizzard of tortured logic.
first of all, President Pudding Cup doesn’t know what’s in the files, because he’s ‘not overly interested’ in them — but he does know that whatever’s in them is a hoax. but he also knows that nothing incriminating is in them, because if there were, Biden would have released them. but maybe there isfake stuff, because it would be easy to do. Donny can’t stick to one story.
notice how the cast of characters keeps changing. last week, Obama and Hillary were in the mix. this week, they’re gone, replaced by Merrick Garland and — get this — Joe Biden’s autopen. how the fuck does that work? how did the autopen help write the Epstein Files? can we get Comer Fudd to subpoena the autopen? I’ll bet it’s got stories to tell that would set your ears on fire.
never lose sight of the fact that Donny ran on a promise to release the Epstein Files — a promise he swore to keep, right up until the moment Pam Bondi took him aside and said ‘shut the fuck up about the Files already, your name is all over that shit.’ that’s when the Files magically went from real to a hoax.
that’s why none of Donny’s pungent mouth-farts about how ‘the Files are a hoax’ hold water.
every time Donny opens his big fat yap, he just makes himself sound guiltier and guiltier.
what’s that you say, Donny? you want to dig yourself deeper? go right ahead, my dude.
“and by the way, I never went to the island. and Bill Clinton went there supposedly uhhhhhhh 28 times. uh, I never went to the island, but Larry Summers, I hear, went there. he was the head of Harvard, and many other people who are very big people, nobody ever talks about them. I never had the privilege of going to his island. and I did turn it down, but a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island.”
methinks the Mad King doth protest too much.
Donny never went to Epstein’s island, understand? but look over there! Bill Clinton did, and so did Larry Summers! so did ‘many big people’! and ‘people in Palm Beach’! hey, you know who else went to Epstein Island? SQUIRREL!
by the way, where is Donny getting his information that Bill Clinton was at the island 28 times? is it from the fake Epstein Files that Hillary Clinton was one of the authors of? did she put that in there, the number 28? or was it the autopen who did that?
remember that with Donny, every accusation is a confession. his angry insistence that he’s never been to Epstein’s island is all the proof you need that he’s been there so many times that he could draw a map of it for you. oh no, wait — Donny doesn’t do drawings.
reporter: “that drawing that the Wall Street Journal report—”
Donny: “I don’t do drawings. I’m not a drawing person. I don’t do drawings … I don’t do drawings of women, that I can tell you. they say there’s a drawing of a woman, and I don’t do drawings of women.”
fact check:
does the Imbecile-in-Chief really not understand how totally guilty he makes himself look when he denies doing what we’ve all seen him do?
how’d that fucking drawing get in the book, Donny? was it Joe Biden’s autopen?
keep talking, Donny. you’re guaranteeing that the press never drops this story.
and now for the Crowning Moment of Moron. Donny’s going to — to at long last — divulge a 20-year-old secret: why did he break up with his pedo bestie? we’re all on the edge of our chair right now, because until this moment, Donny’s always refused to talk about it.
reporter: “the time you threw him out of Mar-a-Lago. would you settle that? what was that all about?”
Donny: “that’s such old history. very easy to explain, but I don’t want to waste your time by explaining it. but for years, I wouldn’t talk to Jeffrey Epstein. I wouldn’t talk, because he did something that was inappropriate: he hired help. and I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he stole people that worked for me. I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he did it again, and I threw him out of the place. and that was it.”
[I’d wager that good ol’ Jeff tried to get a piece of Ivanka, and as we all know, she’s strictly Donnie’s property. – MA]
wait, what? that’s what Donny’s pedo bestie did, that was ‘inappropriate’? he poached workers from Donny’s shitty golf motel?
that’s Donny line in the sand? that’s his bridge too fucking far?
so that’s what broke the friendship apart. not the fact that Epstein was a complete skeeve. that wasn’t ‘inappropriate.’ not the fact that Epstein literally raped the teenage girls that his equally-skeevy girlfriend procured for him. no, all that was totes cool with Donny, and certainly not ‘inappropriate,’ either.
all these slime-balls deserve each other — in hell.
oh, wait — before we go, let’s watch Donny struggle to answer a question that for once wasn’t about his dead pedo bestie.
reporter: “you talked about setting up food centers in conjunction with other organizations.”
here’s how you can tell that this European reporter has never dealt with America’s Mad King before: he uses a big word like ‘conjunction.’ but let’s let him continue.
reporter: “are you talking about Gaza? how will this work?”
Donny: “well it’s going to be working with the United States, uh, helping with the food. we have a lot of access to food. we gotta lotta food, ourselves, and we’re gonna bring it over there. we’re also going to make sure they don’t have barriers stopping people. you’ve seen the area where they actually have food, and the people are screaming for food, they’re thirty-five, forty yards away, and they won’t let them because they have lines. that are set up. and whether they’re set up by Hamas or whoever, they’re very strict lines. we have to get rid of those lines.”
what is Donny blithering about, he’s seen ‘lines’ set up by ‘Hamas or whoever,’ and that’s why starving Palestinians can’t get food?
once again, Donny doesn’t know shit about shit — but all this incoherent gibberish makes much more sense when you realize that Donny is probably reacting to a context-free clip he saw on Fox News. he has no idea what the lines were for, or who set them up — ‘Hamas or whoever’ — because he no doubt had the sound turned down and was only half paying attention.
that’s where Donny is getting his information on the massive, deliberate human rights violations going on in Gaza: from Fox News. he’s as fucking ignorant about current events as his own brain-dead cultists are.
maybe it was Joe Biden’s autopen that drew that line.
but wait — it gets stupider.
Donny: “we’re going to be getting some good strong food.”
I’m sorry, good strong what?
the sitting president of the United States has a toddler’s understanding of the world, and a vocabulary to match. it really makes you want to guzzle paint thinner straight from the can.
here’s your hero of the day: the unknown person who interrupted Donny’s remarks on the front steps of his ramshackle Scotland golf motel.
give a listen as Donny gets drowned out by the only sound on the planet more annoying than his own grating voice: bagpipes.
can we please hire this person to come to Washington, DC?
We’re Living In The Worst Timeline
oh yes he did, and a camera captured the entire dirty deed. I promise, we’re going to talk about it. but first…
sometimes you just want to take your average Republican aside and go ‘what’s the deal with you? as an infant, were you dropped on your head, like, over and over? did you eat ALL the lead paint chips? was there a gas leak in your house?’
how the fuck else do you explain this?
“just so people understand, wind and solar only work when there is wind and sun. we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar. so if you make yourself reliant on wind and solar, then if there’s no sun and no wind, you get no energy. it’s insane.”
oh my sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, how does Republican hand-puppet Marc Thiessen not know about the existence of batteries?
what other modern-day advances is Thiessen serenely unaware of? does he serve his children uncooked meat, cheerfully explaining that ‘just so you understand, we don’t have the technology to get food really hot’?
of course, there is an actual explanation for Theissen’s apparent ignorance of twenty-first century tech — and, sadly, that explanation has nothing to do with paint chips or head trauma. it’s worse.
Thiessen knows how storage batteries work. he’s just pretending to be a dipshit because he — along with the entire Republican establishment — have sold their souls to this fucking imbecile.
President Paintchips McDroppedonhead is a genuine fuckwit who knows dick about dick. he really does imagine that solar planes drop out of the sky when they fly under a cloud.
because Dear Leader is a volatile toddler who can Never Be Wrong About Anything, everyone is forced to play along, and insist that ‘we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar.’
if Thiessen went on TV and said, ‘Donny is so wrong about renewable technology,’ his career as a speechwriter and a think tank fellow and a WaPo columnist would be over.
it would be fuckity-bye, fat paycheck. so long, invitations to the best cocktail parties. sayonara, appearances on Fox News.
same deal with Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin.
Markwayne’s already stood up in the well of the Senate and loudly proclaimed that, regarding Donny’s dead pedo bestie, ‘what we’re simply trying to do is give [Donny] cover’ — so you know that everything that falls out of his dumb mouth is compromised.
to stay in Dear Leader’s good graces, Markwayne has to pretend that he has no idea how years work, or when anything happened, ever.
Markwayne Mullin: “remember, there was a plea deal that was struck in 2009, way before I was in office, way before Trump was even considering to be in office, way before Pam Bondi was in office, way before Kash Patel was director, 2009, there was a sweetheart plea deal that was made underneath the Obama administration with Epstein, and that sweetheart has not been exposed.”
Jake Tapper: “no, it was 2008. the US attorney at the time was a guy named Alex Acosta. he was a Bush appointee. He went on to become President Trump’s secretary of labor. that all took place in 2008.”
Mullin: “who was in office at the time?”
Tapper: “2008, George W. Bush.”
Mullin: “no, 2009 was when the case came out, and Obama was in office at the time.”
Tapper: “it’s not true.”
imagine being so pig-headedly wrong about something that even that grinning hack Jake Tapper is forced to commit a journalism and fact-check you.
oh look, America’s self-appointed panty inspector has found something she gets off on more than doing Restroom Dick Patrol.
“one of my favorite things to watch on YouTube these days are the court hearings where illegals are in court and ICE shows up to drag them out of court and deport them. I can think of nothing more American.”
ugh. just … ugh.
the thing is, Nancy isn’t pretending. unlike her colleagues Marc and Markwayne, she’s not making up some story in order to mollify Dear Leader.
she really is this fucked in the head.
I have no problem believing that Nancy Mace, at the end of a long day, kicks back by settling in with a box of wine, opening a browser tab, and laughing out loud as immigrants who have shown up in court to fulfill their legal duty are wrestled to the ground by masked goons, dragged away in handcuffs and disappeared into Salvadoran slave-labor torture gulags.
and how does Nancy explain her over-the-top glee at the expense of other peoples’ misery?
“I can think of nothing more American.”
what a horrible excuse for a human being.
here you go, Nance. you win today’s Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck Award.
all this Republican psychopathy is in service of a preening narcissist who has been coddled to the point where an entire infrastructure of cheating has been created around him, so he can blissfully live inside a fantasy-bubble where he’s the very bestest of the best at everything.
check out what happened yesterday at Donny’s Scotland golf motel. Donny had hit his ball into the rough, or the sand trap — it doesn’t really matter where it is, because Donny’s not going to play that ball. watch:
that’s right, Donny’s caddie casually pulls a new ball out of his pocket and tosses it on the ground for Donny to take a swing at.
that caddie didn’t have to be told to cheat. he walks around with pockets stuffed with extra golf balls, because — just like Marc Theissen and MarkWayne Mullin — he knows what’s expected of him.
that’s how Donny — a mediocre golfer at best — has “won” eleventy skillion consecutive championships at his own golf motels: by cheating his cheating ass off.
and everyone around Donny is expected to shut the fuck up and pretend that cheating isn’t really cheating when Dear Leader does it.
let’s zoom in and slow that shit down.
when I showed this clip to Ms. Spouse just now, she shook her head and said ‘he really is a piece of shit.’
no lies detected.
Thursday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich
oyal MAGA patriots, please stand by for a personal message of the utmost importance from Dear Leader. ready? here it is:
“they want to talk about the Epstein hoax. the sad part is, it’s people that are really doing the Democrats’ work. they’re stupid people.”
I hate to break it to you MAGAs, but this is Donny’s messaging now: that thing that actually happened, and that he encouraged you to believe in for years, is a now a hoax, and you’re an idiot for believing it.
ok, I lied. I fucking love breaking it to you that Dear Leader thinks you’re an idiot. how’s it feel, cultists, to find out that the guy you’ve devoted your life to just dropped you like a sack of potatoes?
oh look, it’s time for another Reading from the Book of Dumbfuck.
h joy, we’re in for a rehashing of every grudge and grievance. buckle in, here comes some turbulence.
The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Just like with the FAKE and fully discredited Steele Dossier, the lying 51 “Intelligence” Agents, the Laptop from Hell, which the Dems swore had come from Russia (No, it came from Hunter Biden’s bathroom!), and even the Russia, Russia, Russia Scam itself, a totally fake and made up story used in order to hide Crooked Hillary Clinton’s big loss in the 2016 Presidential Election, these Scams and Hoaxes are all the Democrats are good at – It’s all they have – They are no good at governing, no good at policy, and no good at picking winning candidates.
fact check: [mimes jerk-off motions]
Joe Biden brought us out of a pandemic, and our economy recovered at a rate faster than almost any other country in the world.
now, here comes the juicy part.
Also, unlike Republicans, they stick together like glue. Their new SCAM is what we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax, and my PAST supporters have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker. They haven’t learned their lesson, and probably never will, even after being conned by the Lunatic Left for 8 long years. I have had more success in 6 months than perhaps any President in our Country’s history, and all these people want to talk about, with strong prodding by the Fake News and the success starved Dems, is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax. Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!
holy shit! Donny just actually called his cultists ‘weaklings,’ and said he doesn’t want their support any more!
Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
YES, YOU NOW HAVE MY FULL ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
look, we get it. all that fuckery Donny got caught dead to rights doing, he’s always been able to sell it to the cultists as a hoax, just by shouting hoax hoax hoax until it sticks.
that shit’s worked in the past, but it’s not working with the Epstein Files, because Donny has a serious problem: he’s taken his own credibility out to the gavel pit and noemed it until it was dead dead dead.
hey, remember when this happened?
remember when a bunch of left-wing commie influencers were invited to the Biden White House and were each given their own binder labeled “the Epstein Files, Phase 1”? that was—
[taps earpiece] hang on, I’m being told that these are MAGA influencers who were at the White House in February of this year, and those binders were handed to them by Donny’s own flunkies.
MAGA remembers that day. they ran around punching their fists in the air, and shouting about how at last, the truth will out! — and now the cultists are being told they’re ‘stupid weaklings’ for believing the thing Donny handed them and told them to believe.
and what about the literal hundreds of photos and videos of Donny and Jeffrey partying together?
are MAGAs now supposed to believe that all these images are part of some ‘deep state’ conspiracy?
let’s check in with the cultists, and see how they enjoy being called ‘stupid weaklings’ for believing ‘bullshit.’
Donald Trump just said he doesn’t want my support anymore because I care about the Epstein Files. Goodbye, Mr. President. You just lost me.”
oh dear — I don’t think they’re buying it.
“gaslight us harder daddy”
check out misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. on Tuesday, Donny personally phoned Chuckers and begged him to shut the fuck up about Epstein. it worked…
…for about 24 hours. it turns out that even bizarre lawn ornaments hate being called stupid.
oh. huh.
over at MechaHitler’s Nazi Bar, the hashtag #trumppedofiles has been trending for days now.
so yeah, things are going just swimmingly right now for the Mad King.
oh, is it time to play Easy Questions, Easy Answers again?
[raises hand] wait, I know the answer to this! Alex, it’s because Donny’s a self-destructive imbecile.
as he’s done so many times in the past, Donny’s made things worse for himself. what he should have said was nothing — because let’s face it, the cultists are dumb as fuck, and they’re easily distracted. if Donny had played this right, the whole thing would have already burned itself out, and MAGA would have moved on to the next shiny object. but Donny can’t ever keep his rancid anus-mouth shut, and by calling his cultists stupid weaklings whose support he no longer wants, he’s once again shoved his dick into a hornet’s nest and clownfucked it into a frenzy.
good going, dumb-ass.
here’s another thing that happened yesterday. tell me, does this firing make Donny’s ass look guilty?
Maurene Comey was a lead prosecutor on the investigation and prosecution of Epstein and his former girlfriend and accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell. Maxwell was convicted and is serving a 20-year sentence.
oh sure, let’s take the one person in the Department of Justice who knows all the dirt on Epstein, and make her job go fuckity-bye — right as interest in the Epstein Files is reaching a fever pitch. there’s nothing suspicious about the timing at all.
that Maurene is James Comey’s daughter is just icing on the cake.
I don’t know about you, but President Guilty McGuiltyguilty sure sounds like he’s guilty of something.
reporter: “President Trump, would you consider appointing a special counsel to investigate the Jeffrey Epstein investigation?”
Donny: “I have nothing to do with it.” [hurries the fuck away]
one thing is for certain: Donny would like to THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO ANY OTHER MATTER IN THE WORLD
“I have been speaking to Coca-Cola about using REAL Cane Sugar in Coke in the United States, and they have agreed to do so. I’d like to thank all of those in authority at Coca-Cola. This will be a very good move by them — You’ll see. It’s just better!”
it looks like Donny’s plan is to distract us with another round of Things That Never Happened The Most™.
Donny, come clean. were you speaking to Coca-Cola, or were you speaking to a bottle of Coca-Cola? is that bottle in the room with us right now?
it’s a legit question, because when NBC News contacted Coca-Cola for comment, they were all we’re putting the what in what now?
hey Gavin Newsom, are you distracted yet?
No Fucks To Give Newsom is my favorite Gavin Newsom.
Everything. They Are Lying About Everything.
Tuesday Madness
let’s say you’re the low-wattage leader of a nation, and you’ve just publicly humiliated yourself by throwing the world’s most clownfuckingly-inept dictator-parade ever.
what do you do for an encore?
well, if you’re United States President Squeaky McTanktread, you head to Canada and publicly humiliate yourself at the G7.
let’s dive right in and bear witness to the atrocities — but before we do, let’s set the National Embarrassment ticker back to zero.
here’s Donny’s crowning moment of the day: the announcement of a a framework for an agreement to move forward on the concept of a plan to have a series of talks that could lead to the negotiation of a discussion about the possibility of reaching a trade agreement— well, something like that, anyway. my head hurts from trying to keep Donny’s ever-shifting narratives straight.
Donny: “you all know the great PM of the UK and we just signed a document.”
*drops documents*
Donny: “whoops, sorry about that. a little windy out here. we just signed it and it’s done and so we have our trade agreement with the European Union.”
what, what wind? do you see any wind? if it were windy, that tangled rat’s nest of cotton candy bullshit Dear Leader hot-glues to his head would be flying all over the place.
but more importantly — did you catch that Preznit Fuckwit confused the UK with the European Union? I don’t know about you, but I seem to recall a rabid press corp that pissed all over themselves with glee every time Joe Biden momentarily screwed up a name — and then corrected himself.
that was a national news story. a lifelong stutterer had to defend himself after mispronouncing a name.
hey crickets of the press, got anything to say about Dear Leader apparently having no fucking clue which country he’s signing imaginary agreements with?
hey, Jake. Jaaaaake! you there?
I guess Jake Tapper must be on one of his frequent coffee breaks. being a world-class journalist does require near-constant caffeination, you know.
sigh. let’s set that embarrassment ticker back to zero again.
now, here’s Dear Leader mouthing the talking points Vladdy Pute whispered into his ear late one night while they were having pillow talk.
“The G7 used to be the G8. Barack Obama and a person named Trudeau didn’t want to have Russia in, and I would say that was a mistake, because I think you wouldn’t have a war right now if you had Russia in.”
let’s do some basic fact-checking: WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and WRONG.
Putin was eighty-sixed from the G8 in 2014, after he invaded Crimea and declared that the region was now part of Russia. hey, you know who was PM of Canada in 2014? some dude named Stephen J. Harper. he was the head of Canada’s Conservative Party. Trudeau didn’t become PM until the next year.
hey, but at least Dear Leader properly identified Obama was the US prez in 2014 — so let’s give the irrepressible scamp half a gold star. good boy, Donny! and isn’t it super-nice of him to carry water for his despot bestie Vlad? I’m sure it will weigh in Donny’s favor during his next yearly performance review in Moscow.
at the G7, Donny’s in the company of other world leaders. they’re not MAGA shit-swallowers, and they’re not the worthless scribblers of America’s corporate-controlled media — so they’re less inclined to put up with his constant lying.
watch what happens when, in the middle of a press appearance, Donny starts mouth-farting off-topic hallucinations about Democrats letting immigrants vote in sanctuary cities.
Donny: “… all Democrat-run cities. and they think they’re going to use them to vote. it’s not gonna happen.”
Canadian PM Mark Carney: “if you don’t mind, I’m going to exercise my role as G7 chair … we have to start the meeting.”
‘I’m going to exercise my role as G7 chair’ is diplomat-speak for ‘hey fuckface, zip that rancid anus-hole you call a mouth, we all have better things to do with out time than tolerate your bullshit.’
sigh.
here’s a thing that happened during the meeting — and wouldn’t you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for it.
check out France’s Emmanuel Macron and Italy’s Georgia Meloni putting their heads together and whispering about something — or someone. who could it be? I’m betting it’s Dear Leader.
holy shit — check out Meloni’s eye-roll about 22 seconds in. that’s got to be a dead give-away — who the fuck else could they be talking about?
let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.
early in the evening, Press Sec Karoline Lie-vitt announced that because Donny had been Such An Amazing Boy and had gotten all his work done in just one day, he was heading home two days early, to solve all the problems in the Middle East.
“President Trump had a great day at the G7, even signing a major trade deal with the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Keir Starmer. Much was accomplished, but because of what’s going on in the Middle East, President Trump will be leaving tonight after dinner with Heads of State.”
and so, Taco Donny tacoed the fuck out of Canada — but not before dropping another hallucination on us.
“Iran should have signed the ‘deal’ I told them to sign. What a shame, and waste of human life. Simply stated, IRAN CAN NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON. I said it over and over again! Everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran!”
sorry, what? all nine million residents of Tehran should evacuate immediately? what do you know that you’re not telling us, bro?
next, Donny — for reasons known only to the squirrels scurrying about in his head — blamed the whole ‘coming home early to fix the Middle East’ story on Macron, and said it wasn’t true.
Publicity seeking President Emmanuel Macron, of France, mistakenly said that I left the G7 Summit, in Canada, to go back to D.C. to work on a ‘cease fire’ between Israel and Iran. Wrong! He has no idea why I am now on my way to Washington, but it certainly has nothing to do with a Cease Fire. Much bigger than that. Whether purposely or not, Emmanuel always gets it wrong. Stay Tuned!”
dude, it was your own press-sec, Karoline Leavitt, who told us that you were coming home to fix the Middle East. can’t you clowns keep your story straight for five entire minutes?
but thanks for clearing up the mystery, Donny. got it, you’re working something “much bigger” than a cease fire — but what could be bigger than getting two heavily-armed countries to stop lobbing missiles at each other?
seriously, though — we’ve now been given two conflicting bullshit stories about why Donny split from the G7 two days early. but what’s the real reason? might it be because his handlers know it’s only a matter of time before his brain quite publicly goes fuckity-bye?
The thesis underlying these discussions is straightforward: President Trump may be in significant physical decline, and his aides are keenly aware of it. This is not idle tabloid fare but a collage of well-sourced rumors and first-hand accounts that, taken together, paint a troubling picture. The pattern is hard to ignore – a sharp drop-off in Trump’s once-ubiquitous public appearances, hints of mobility and continence issues, and conspicuous adjustments in how he engages with the press and peers. In short, many are asking whether the commander-in-chief, who once boasted about marathon trips abroad, is now struggling to meet the physical demands of the presidency.
He’s never met the mental/emotional/intellectual demands, and perception is everything, so his physical decline is the last penny to drop and his clear physical decline is scaring the shit out of the Trump Regime.
Coffee-Break Jake Tapper wrote a whole fucking hit job of a book about how “everybody knew” Joe Biden was a mess and worked overtime to hide it. it was all based on conjecture and hearsay. Tapper never proved his premise.and let’s not forget: Joe Biden’s presidency was massively successful by all metrics.
right now we have a current president in serious physical and mental decline — to the point where his handlers have to get him the fuck out of any situation were he might shit himself, quite literally.
hey, wouldn’t that be a great subject for a book? anyone?
hello? hello?
we might as well set that embarrassment ticker back to zero and leave it there forever.
so, what’s the Big Important Thing that Dear Leader rushed home to work on? could it be the Donnyphone?
folks, I shit you not.
In a press release, Trump Mobile calls it “a sleek, gold smartphone engineered for performance and proudly designed and built in the United States.” It’s available to preorder now with a $100 deposit, and will either be available from August 2025 or September 2025, depending on whether you believe the press release or the Trump Mobile website.
holy fuck. the grift never ends. this goniff never stops figuring out new ways to separate the cultists from their cash.
here’s the most important thing you need to know about the Donnyphone: it doesn’t actually exist. Donny’s felonious sons hastily cobbled together a web site, photoshopped an image of a phone, and opened up shop. in typical Donny fashion, the whole operation is slap-dash and fly-by-night.
There are numerous errors on the page, from a processor section that doesn’t list a processor, RAM that’s described as storage, and the boast of a “5000mAh long life camera,” when it presumably means the battery.
they’re currently collecting money for a some fantasy of a phone that may or may not ship in August — or September. or never. how about never? is never good for you?
Melanie Petit said she likes the style, but it’s what the watch is missing – the “T” in “Trump” – that makes it stand out.
“I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-M-P,” she said.
she noticed it right away! you can’t pull the wool over MAGA’s eyes!
The Petits are wondering why a watch with such a glaring error was allowed to be shipped out.
“How could they process this and go through something without checking their work?” Melanie Petit asked.
you fucking clods. have you not been paying attention? this is how Donny works. he collects your cash and delivers shit. how many times are you rubes going to allows yourselves to be hoodwinked before you wise up?
spoiler alert: how about never? because the second certain thing is the the cultists are going to snap this shit up. nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence — and gullibility — of MAGA.
wherever he is, PT Barnum must be shitting his pants with envy right now. so many suckers!
Vomiting It All Up
The Hypocrisy Is Deafening
Tuesday Madness
it’s a well-known fact that expertise is not the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns’ strong suit. pretty much the whole worthless lot of them are low-voltage ignoramuses who don’t know shit about shit.
look no further than the Secretary of Health and Human Services. he doesn’t know how germs work. the Director of Homeland Security doesn’t know how human rights work. the Defense Secretary doesn’t know how sobriety works. neither does the Attorney for the District of Columbia.
how about the imbecile who rules them all? Dear Leader hasn’t a clue how not being a ginormous fuckwad works.
so none of us should be surprised that, when asked if he was ready for hurricane season, Donny’s new head of FEMA was all ‘hurri-what now?’
Staff of the Federal Emergency Management Agency were left baffled on Monday after the head of the U.S. disaster agency said he had not been aware the country has a hurricane season, according to four sources familiar with the situation.
The remark was made during a briefing by David Richardson, who has led FEMA since early May.
hurricane season, David. how do you not know about hurricane season? look, bro, let me explain. every year, starting in June and continuing through November, conditions in the Caribbean— holy shit, David, did your eyes glaze over already? what the fuck?
where does Donny find these people?
the obvious guess would be Fox News — but I’m looking at Richardson’s bio page at FEMA.com and he’s not from Fox. another fun fact gleaned from David’s bio is that he’s a combat veteran and an expert in dealing with WMDs — which is pretty fucking cool, but not a qualification to head FEMA. in fact, there’s nothing in his resume about emergency management, which — spoiler alert — is what the E and the M in FEMA stand for.
look, I know that Mad King Donny hates FEMA and wants to kill it — and the best way to do that is hire some unqualified toady to mismanage the shit out of the joint — but how did this guy somehow not even hear about hurricane season by accident?
it’s fucking impressive that David Richardson has apparently gone his whole life without walking past a TV, hearing the words ‘hurricane season,’ and having it sink into his dome by osmosis.
Richardson now claims he was just joshing. yeah, right. that’s the standard Sewer Clown dodge whenever one of them gets caught committing a stupid. come one, it was all a big joke. where’s your sense of humor?
fact check: the ignorance. it burns.
while we’re on the subject of not knowing, White House Energy Vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett apparently doesn’t understand how the passage of time works.
George Stephanopoulos: “when will we see an actual trade agreement? will we see any this week?”
Hassett: “I expected we were probably going to see one perhaps as early as last week.”
very nice Jedi mind trick there from Kevin Hassett. when asked if something will happen this week, Kevin makes a bold prediction about what will happen last week — and then gets it wrong.
beautiful stuff. peak Sewer Clown.
fact check: on April 12, Mad King Donny announced that he would be making “90 deals in 90 days.” fifty-two days have passed since then. we have yet to see one deal.
Kasie Hunt: “did you ever witness Elon Musk under the influence of drugs?”
Hassett: “not in a million years. he’s a person who is so filled with joy that it’s just a natural way that he is.”
oh, please. check out the Space Nazi’s behavior during his fake-farewell press conference last Friday.
fact check: he’s zonked out of his fucking mind.
oh yeah. that’s natural. no drug use at all, uh huh. clearly, the guy is just high on life.
let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.
does House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson understand how not lying works?
Kristen Welker: “if the big beautiful bill does add to the debt, will Trump own it?”
Holy Mike: “it’s not gonna add to the debt.”
Welker: “experts say this will add trillions to the deficit. can you really guarantee this will not add one penny of debt?”
Holy Mike: “I’m telling you this is going to reduce the deficit.”
fact check: the ‘big beautiful bill’ is going to explode the deficit.
Six Nobel laureate economists said a massive budget bill passed by House lawmakers last month and backed by President Trump would weaken key safety-net programs while greatly lifting the federal debt.
The tax and spending package, which Republicans have dubbed the “one big beautiful bill,” would hurt millions of Americans by slashing Medicaid and food stamps, the economists wrote in a June 2 letter on behalf of the Economic Policy Institute, a left-leaning think tank.
gee, who to believe — six Nobel laureates or the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel? it’s a goddamned conundrum.
I have a question: isn’t Holy Mike supposed to be a big proponent of the Bible?
I’m no Biblical scholar, but I seem to recall that the Good Book has this whole section in it with all these thou shalt nots — and I’m pretty sure one of the bigger shalt nots is ‘lie your fucking face off.’ I get the general sense that the Bible frowns on that kind of shit.
oh wait, maybe Holy Mike isn’t lying. perhaps he’s just a person who is so filled with joy that he’s just naturally optimistic.
yeah, that’s it.
here’s your hero of the day: actor Nick Offerman, probably best known for playing Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
June is Pride Month — so of course the worst people in the world are rage-loading their diapers over ThE gAyS refusing to remain in the closet.
when Mike Flynn Jr — the Don Jr of the treasonous Flynn clan — tried to hijack a Ron Swanson meme and use it to broadcast his own rampant homophobia, here’s how Nick ripped him a new one.
“Ron was best man at a gay wedding you dumb fuck. #HappyPride”
fact check: true.
Tuesday Madness
Once more from Mr. Tiedrich:
it’s time to leave Joe Biden the fuck alone
Republicans are being shitweasels again
in the wake of Joe Biden’s heartbreaking announcement that he’s been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, Republicans are reacting as they always do — by being horrible. each and every one of them is cordially invited to fuck all the way off.
let’s start with this vile shitgoblin
I think it’s very sad, actually. I’m surprised that it— wasn’t— y’know, the public wasn’t notified a long time ago. ’cause to get to stage nine, that’s a long time. I just had my physical. you saw that. you saw the results of that particular test. I think that test is standard to uh, pretty much anybody. getting a physical. good physical. we had the doctors at the White House and over at Walter Reed which is a fantastic hospital do it, I did a very complete physical, including cognitive tests, I’m proud do announce I aced it.”
I have a question: how long has Sundowning Grandpa Fuckface had stage nine dementia? because there’s no such thing as ‘stage nine’ cancer.
the stages only go up to four. Donny would know that if he ever bothered to listen to anyone for more than two seconds before losing interest and making it all about himself.
listen to this preening fuckwad drone on for the thousandth time about ‘acing’ his cognitive test. we get it, Donny. you were able to point to a drawing of a camel. good for you. help yourself to a lollypop on your way out of the doctor’s office.
who the fuck is Donny to accuse any other person of lying about their health?
we have never seen one legitimate, detailed medical report on Donny. what we get are bullet-point summaries written by day-drinking quacks who fart out ludicrous claims like Donny will live to be 200 years old.
the press never questions any of this laughable shit.
we’re told that Donny’s ear got blown to pieces by a would-be assassin’s bullet and then magically grew back within days — with no scarring — and reporters just nod their heads and write it all down.
we’re told that Donny is 6 feet and 3 inches tall and weighs 224 pounds.
yeah, right.
would any of the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media like to maybe write a book on how Donny’s brain went fuckity-bye a long, long time ago? now, that would be a page-turner. you could probably do a whole chapter on how Donny got outwitted by a fucking box.
it’s a box. it has a lid that flips up — and Preznit Shitforbrains is completely flummoxed by it. Donny has to hand the thing it off to some flunky who does the job in two literal seconds.
for those of you keeping score at home, it’s —
Donny: 0
fucking box: 1
imagine for one hot second that it was Joe Biden up there, befuddled by cardboard. Fox News would be playing it on an endless loop.
Couchfuck McGee can fuck all the way off.
“whether the right time to have this conversation is now or some time in the future, we really do need to be honest about whether the former president was capable of doing the job.”
this sectional sexpest is gaslighting us at warp factor nine. say what you want about Joe Biden’s health — he fucking crushed it as president. he was more than capable — he practically worked miracles.
Joe inherited an economy that had been ravaged due to Donny’s mismanagement of the covid pandemic — and by the end of his term, we had prosperity and record low unemployment. America’s economic recovery from covid was stronger — and happened faster — than any other country on the planet.
now look at what’s happened since Biden left office. in just four months, Donny and Couchfuck have taken that robust economy and turned America into a third-world hellhole that can’t pay its bills, can’t feed its people, and can no longer predict when a fucking tornado might hit.
A forecasting office in Jackson, Ky., which was directly in the line of Friday night’s tornadoes, is one of four no longer with enough staff to operate at all times.
JD and Donny are trying to hoodwink the public into believing the exact opposite of reality — that they’re the one’s who rescued America from Biden’s incompetence. up is down. black is white.
it’s flagrant horse shit. do you think any of our worthless scribs might want to write a book about that?
Oklahoma Rep Markwayne Mullin can fuck all the way off.
“it’s interesting the timing of them releasing the cancer, right? It seems like since the Hur tapes were released, they’re like, ‘hey wait, it might be a good time to distract the American people and talk about his cancer.’”
we’re being gaslighted again.
Markwayne Mullin wants us to believe that Joe Biden was sitting on his cancer diagnosis — and not doing anything about it — so he could use it as a political distraction if the need ever arose. that makes no fucking sense.
Robert Hur, in case you don’t recall, is the Republican stooge who was apppointed by that ineffectual cum-sock Merrick Garland to investigate the classified docs Biden found in his garage. Hur cleared Biden of any culpability in that incident — but on his way out the door, he turned in a hit-piece of a report that painted Biden as “an elderly man with a poor memory” who couldn’t remember when his son Beau died.
Hur made the whole thing up. yesterday morning, just before the hearing started, the Washington Post published the transcript of Hur’s five-hour-long interview with Biden — and oh, look: here’s Biden’s actual answer to the question:
“What month did Beau die? Oh God, May 30.”
here’s a thing Robert Hur actually said to Joe Biden during his interview: “you appear to have a photographic understanding and recall.”
no, Biden isn’t using his cancer diagnosis as a distraction from the Hur tapes. Donny is using the Hur tapes as a distraction from him fucking America’s economy straight into the ground.
now, here’s some shitbucket who thinks Jill Biden should go to jail. he can fuck all the way off.
Leo Terrell isn’t just some neo-Nazi adjacent rando on the internet. he’s Senior Counsel to the Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division of the Department of What Used To Be Known As Justice.
oh great, another Sewer Clown flunky who casually suggests that his political opponents should be thrown in jail. what could go wrong?
know who has been the one decent Republican through all of this? Meghan McCain.
fuck every other Republican for making me agree with Meghan McCain.
Joe Biden is going through some serious shit right now. let’s leave him alone and focus on what’s right in front of us: a bunch of democracy-hating authoritarians led by an insane megalomaniac are destroying our government right before our very eyes, so they can replace it with the Forever Rule of Mad King Donny.
‘should Joe Biden have withdrawn from the race sooner’ and ‘should Joe Biden have managed his health better’ are topics worth exploring some day — but today is not that day. we don’t have the luxury of having those conversations right now — not when there’s so much fuckery afoot.
the conversation we need to be having right now is how do we fight fascism?
let’s fucking go.
and let’s give the final word to the Onion, because this headline perfectly encapsulates all the insanity going on right now.
Vomiting It All Up, Monday Edition
Tuesday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
rejoice, America! Dear Leader’s gonna lower the price of the ‘fat shot drug’
what the fuck is Donny gibbering about?
yesterday at the White House, a bewildered old man in obvious cognitive decline somehow wandered in off the street. the Secret Service must have taken pity on the pathetic old coot, because they did nothing to stop him as he shuffled into the Oval Office and started free-associating into the microphone.
“I’ll tell you a story, a friend of mine who’s a business…man, very very very top guy, most of you would have heard of him. highly neurotic. brilliant businessman. uh, seriously overweight. and he takes the fat— the fat shot…drug. and he called me up, and he said, uh, president— he calls me president, he used to call me Donald, now he calls me president, so that’s nice respect, but he’s a rough guy, smart guy. very successful, very rich. I wouldn’t even know how he would know this but, ’cause he’s got comments, ‘uh president, could I ask you a question?’ I said what. ‘I’m in London and I just paid for this damned fat drug I take.’ I said ‘it’s not working.’ he said, he said, ‘I just paid eighty-eight dollars and in New York I paid thirteen hundred dollars, what the hell is going on?’”
what the fuck was that?
are you telling me that was the actual president of the United States up there, gibbering like a lunatic?
that was the kind of disjointed tale your demented granddad might fart out at the dinner table, right before falling asleep face down in his mashed potatoes.
what we got is a variation of the classic “sir story,” where Donny typically meets up with some fictional blue collar dude who bursts into tears of gratitude upon getting to meet Dear Leader.
now we have a “president story,” where Donny is apparently besties with Jabba the Billionaire, some ‘very very very top guy’ who evidently tips the scales at over a fucking ton.
Jabba’s dealing with his weight issues by mainlining what Donny calls ‘the fat shot drug.’
Donny’s no doubt talking about Ozempic, right? he’s reading off prepared notes, so why doesn’t he just say that? I guess that Dear Leader is so illiterate that when his eyes got to a word that began with ‘ozy,’ his brain seized up and his panicked mouth had to hastily improvise ‘the fat shot drug.’
nice bit of fat-shaming, too, with ‘I said it’s not working.’
‘bro, you’re a fucking whale’ is a pile of stones that President Glass House definitely shouldn’t be throwing at anyone.
but I digress.
Donny had called that press conference in order to announce his latest and awesomest executive order, one in which he was going to lower the prices of all prescription drugs by at least a skillionty percent, and maybe even more.
nice bit of Sewer Clown Theater, too, with Donny flanked by fake-diet-pill-scammer Dr. Oz, and heath nut Bobby Brainworms Jr, who was just back from taking his grandkids for a healthy swim in a bacteria-infected creek.
how does Donny imagine he’s going to accomplish these lower costs? apparently by demanding real hard — because (let’s say it one more time) executive orders are not laws.
Executive orders are issued from the executive branch of the government, specifically the U.S. President. An executive order is not a law in the sense that it does not go through the legislative process. It is not binding on everyone, only on employees of the executive branch.
last time I looked, multinational pharmaceutical conglomerates are not part of the US executive branch — so Big Pharma can pretty much tell Donny to piss straight up a rope, and he can’t do shit about it.
Donny’s insistence that he can lower drug costs through kingly fiat is so nonsensical that even The New York Times had no choice but to commit a journalism and point out that Dear Leader was blowing smoke up an entire nation’s ass.
President Trump on Monday signed an executive order asking drugmakers to voluntarily reduce the prices of key medicines in the United States.
But the order cites no obvious legal authority to mandate lower prices.
the order cites no legal authority, because Donny has no legal authority.
let’s back up and take a look at the larger context: there shouldn’t have been any need for Donny to issue his idiotic order in the first place — because if Donny had just done nothing at all, we would already have lower drug prices.
in August of last year, the Biden administration announced that they were lowering the prices on prescription drugs.
how did Team Biden accomplish this? by negotiating with drug makers.
HHS has reached agreements with all participating manufacturers on new negotiated, lower drug prices for the first 10 drugs selected for the Medicare drug price negotiation program.
cool deal, right? not bad for the guy who got hounded out of the presidential race for being icky and old and probably already dead.
hey, you’ll never guess what Mad King Donny did on the VERY FIRST DAY of his second reign: he look one look at those lowered drug prices and said fuck that shit and fuck it hard.
On Monday, Trump signed a sweeping order aimed in part at reversing several Biden administration executive orders on health care, including efforts to lower the cost of prescription drugs for people on Medicare and Medicaid, enhancing the Affordable Care Act and increasing protections for Medicaid enrollees. The so-called initial rescissions order, according to the Trump White House, is aimed at Biden policies that it says are “deeply unpopular” and “radical.”
why would Donny deliberately screw over the American public like that? say it with me: because fuck you, that’s why.
so now, four months later, Donny’s got a cunning plan to bring drug prices back down to where they already would have been if only he had just done nothing.
here’s a question: Donny’s supposed to be the greatest deal-maker of all time, right? so why didn’t he just negotiate with the drug makers, like Sleepy Joe Brandon did?
because kings don’t negotiate, duh! they just break shit they don’t understand, and then pretend to fix it.
you’re welcome, peons.
can someone please develop a ‘smart shot drug’ and jab it into Dear Leader’s ass? please?
here are your heroes of the day: this group of high school students on a field trip to the US Capitol. they had a very important question for GOP Rep. Brian Jack:
“why is Trump so orange?”
and now, through the magic of the internet, we can reveal why.
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
Vomiting It All Up…And It’s Only Monday 😫
Trump: ‘I run the country and the world’
President Trump shared his thoughts on how his two terms as president have differed, saying in a new interview with The Atlantic that this time around he’s leading “the country and the world.”
“The first time, I had two things to do — run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys,” Trump said in the interview published Monday. “And the second time, I run the country and the world.”
OH…MY…GOD. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Vomiting It All Up
This has gone from being a weekly post to a near-daily one, hasn’t it?
I Dunno…
It’s Happening
From Palmer Report:
Last month I wrote that by the time we got to the hundred day mark in Donald Trump’s presidency, if he was unpopular enough, House and Senate Republicans would begin selfishly prioritizing their own reelection prospects over their support of Trump. You can almost never count on Republicans to do the honest thing, but you can nearly always count on them to do the self interested thing.
We’re still only sixty-seven days into this debacle, which means that in theory Trump should still have some more time to get his act together. But the funny thing about political scandals – real scandals, the ones that move the ground under everyone’s feet – is that they can throw all the timetables out the window.
This brings us to Donald Trump’s Signal-gate scandal (it’s going to need a better name than that). Half of Trump’s top handpicked people, including Pete Hegseth, JD Vance, Mike Waltz, John Ratcliffe, and Tulsi Gabbard, are now embroiled in a scandal that keeps getting worse by the hour. It was bad enough that they all committed a felony just by discussing military attack plans in Signal. They’ve since all blown the coverup entirely. They can’t get their stories straight, it’s top headline news every day, and it’s just not going away. Trump’s refusal to fire anyone over it is making it an even bigger scandal.
Suddenly it no longer appears to matter that Trump is still in his first hundred days. He had his chance to make this scandal go away by firing people, and he missed his window. Now he’s at a point where he’ll probably end up having to fire people over this in the end, and it still won’t make the scandal go away.
How do we know this? Because House and Senate Republicans are now making it very clear (not with their words but with their actions) that they know this scandal is toxic and isn’t going away. On Thursday the Republican House forced Trump to pull the plug on his cabinet nomination of Elise Stefanik, for fear the Democrats could win the resulting special election and take control of the House. That’s a Republican plus-nine district. But things are just that ugly for Trump and his Republican Party right now.
The Republican Senate is also taking its own first steps toward insulating itself from Trump’s Signal-gate implosion. The Republican Chair and the Democratic Ranking Member of the Senate Armed Services Committee have jointly asked the Department of Defense Inspector General to investigate this scandal. We know that Trump and Hegseth aren’t going to allow the DOD to investigate this. But this letter is the Senate’s precursor to launching its own investigation into the matter, likely complete with public hearings where all of these Trump buffoons will have to testify (or make the headlines even worse for themselves by fighting the subpoenas in court).
We all know that the Republican House and Senate won’t go one inch further in this direction than they think is necessary to protect their own reelection prospects. But they are indeed going in this direction. As has been said many times, ignore their words and instead focus on their actions. House and Senate Republicans are afraid that this Trump scandal will cost them their seats and majorities unless they selfishly do something to distance themselves from it. Whether you trust them or not – and you shouldn’t – this does tell you just how damaging and long lasting this scandal is going to be.
Fucktacular!
From Jeff Tiedrich:
want to construct a clusterfuck? it’s easy.
start with the smoking rubble of a burned-out brain in steep cognitive decline. add a dollop of acute megalomania. pour in a generous amount of greed. now add the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel. toss in some ignorance, along with the inability to learn from mistakes, or even admit that mistakes were made.
now take that shitpile of defects, shake well, and bingo! you’ve ended up with Donny Convict’s completely incoherent tariff policies.
on February 2nd, Donny announced he was slapping a 25% tariff on all Canadian and Mexican imports. markets crashed — the Dow dropped 600 points in one day.
the very next day, Donny announced that he was putting a month-long hold on the tariffs, because both Canada and Mexico agreed to his list of demands. the markets calmed down.
but then out of the clear blue, Donny was all fuck it, ima do these tariffs anyway — starting tomorrow. have fun!
markets freaked out all over again. so did business leaders.
Fox Business interviewed the owner of a Pennsylvania auto dealership. the poor schnook is at his wit’s end over what’s happening.
“I had an order from a customer. $80,000 truck. it’s a hundred thousand dollars now. so he’s not gonna buy the truck. it’s gonna sit on my lot. and you know, the higher interest rates we’re paying now for floor space. and nobody’s going to buy the truck, because it just had a twenty thousand dollar price increase.”
and then, yesterday —
Donald Trump has temporarily spared carmakers from sweeping US tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico, one day after an economic strike on the US’s two biggest trading partners sparked warnings of widespread price increases and disruption.
After a call with top executives at General Motors, Ford and Stellantis, however, Trump approved a one-month exemption from tariffs on “any autos coming through” the US, Mexico and Canada, the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, announced on Wednesday.
The exemption has been granted “at the request of the companies,” Leavitt told reporters, “so they are not at an economic disadvantage.”
so, Mister Car Dealer no longer has to worry about that truck that was going to be sitting on his lot, taking up space. how convenient.
Donny’s reckless tariffs impacts all industries — so why did he choose to cut the auto industry some slack? because they’re big, powerful fat cats who can be relied on to shovel money into Donny’s pockets.
that’s the way it’s gonna be from now on. the plutocrats with the scratch — the corner-office honchos who can plunk down five mil for private dinners with Dear Leader at Motel-a-Lago — they’re going to get all kinds of special carve-outs to Donny’s tariffs. one hand washes the other.
he little guys who can’t afford to pay-for-play — the ones who don’t have Donny on speed dial — well, they’re going to be cordially invited, as always, to go fuck themselves raw.
mind you, Canada isn’t taking any of this fuckery lying down.
if you’re a Canadian right now with a hankering for some California wine, or Kentucky bourbon, forget about it. that shit’s been taken off the shelves.
The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), one of the largest buyers of alcohol in the world, removed US-made alcoholic drinks from its shelves on Tuesday.
don’t fuck with Canada. they’re not playing around — and the Canadian public thinks this shit’s hilarious.
US distilleries are less than thrilled.
March 5 (Reuters) – Jack Daniel’s maker Brown-Forman’s (BFb.N), CEO Lawson Whiting said on Wednesday Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was “worse than a tariff” and a “disproportionate response” to levies imposed by the Trump administration.
reporter: “respectfully, It’s just 43 pounds that were found last year. that’s less than a carry-on suitcase. is that a lot of fentanyl compared to, say, Mexico? the vast majority of fentanyl is brought in though Mexico, not Canada. so what else does Canada need to do?”
Karoline Leavitt: “last year alone, there was a 2000% increase in illegal fentanyl.”
Reporter: “it was only 43 pounds, Karoline.”
that’s a verifiable fact — but Donny and his toadies are going to keep pretending otherwise.
Leavitt, by the way, was not pleased about being fact-checked by a reporter doing his job. check out her totally mature reaction.
You’re asking me for what the president’s justification is for these tariffs. It’s not up to you. You’re not the president, Gabe!” Leavitt snapped.
“And frankly, I think it’s a little bit disrespect-ul [sic] to the families in this country that have lost loved ones at the hands of this deadly poison.
hissy much, Karoline?
and oh look, Team Donny has invented a whole new reason to be mad at Canada.
when last we saw Peter Navarro, he was being mocked mercilessly by the legendary Anarchy Princess while on his way to prison for contempt of Congress
well, Big Pete’s done his time. he’s back in Donny’s good graces and has an office at the White House.
here he is, dropping a whole new truth bomb on Fox News, with his unique blend of ignorance and arrogance.
“Canada has been taken over by Mexican cartels.”
don’t you love how these bold-face fucksticks just keep piling fantastical new lies on top of the old lies?
Peter, are these Mexican cartels in the room with us right now? no, they’re not—because apparently they’re right inside Justin Trudeau’s office—much in the same way the Space Nazi shares the Oval Office with Donny.
for all we know, there’s probably the son of some drug lord, right now, wiping his snots all over Canada’s version of the Resolute Desk.
so, for those of you keeping score at home,
— we have to take over Canada because it’s being run by Mexico.
— we have to take over Panama because it’s being run by China.
— we have to take over Greenland because it’s being run by … fuck it, who cares. we’re gonna invade them anyway.
— and the one country that really does need our protection because they’ve been attacked by Russia, they can go eat an entire bag of dicks, because Zelensky was very mean to Dear Leader.
here are your heroes of the day.
when some DOGE dipshits showed up at the headquarters of the U.S. African Development Foundation (a division of USAID) and demanded to be let in, staffers working there were all yeah, you pimply teenage incels can fuck all the way off.
thank you, USADF, for showing everyone how it’s done.
Fuck The Felon
When you continuously diss your closest ally while at the very same time voting WITH the Axis of Evil you should be treated like the syphilitic septuagenarian who should be in a secure facility that you really are.
Hey Melania come get your boy. He’s lost.
Hate To Say I Told You So
Why Does He Lie About The Most Easily Disproven Things?
NEVER Accept Any Deal From The Felon
You WILL get screwed!
45 Lies…ALWAYS
FUCK TRUMP
Trump Lied? NO WAY!
Yes Virginia, He Really Is That Stupid
Promises? Don’t You Mean Lies?
