I Know a Lot of People…

…swoon over Robert Pattinson, but he's never elicited such a reaction in me. To my eye, he's one of those guys who can be sexy as fuck one moment and look like Quasimodo's brother the next. I will admit, however, that as he's gotten older he's falling more in more into that former category, as these pics below attest.

I Have No Reason to Doubt This Story

The Levi people said they'd like to make me an outfit- a denim kilt, and a whole denim Nightcrawler blue thing for the [X-Men] premiere, and then they said,"Wouldn't it be great if you had a big black leather belt which had Nightcrawler studded on it?"

So we go to this leather shop in San Francisco and we're buying the belts and there's all these metal cock rings on the wall, millions of them. And I was like "How do you know how big a cockring is? Because you can't tie it or anything, it's just a metal thing." And the guy at the shop heard me and went "Would you like to try one on, sir?" and I was like "oh….ok!" so he gets one down off the wall and goes "You look like a medium" and I'm like "Oh, fuck you."

…so then the premiere comes, and then you know when you go to those things there's endless television crews you've got to do little sound bytes for…and I'm wearing a kilt, so they say "So Alan, are you being a true Scotsman? What are you wearing under your kilt?" and after a while I couldn't resist it any longer- "I'm wearing just a cockring." and they're like "No, really…." and I'm like "Yes, really."

And then I got so brazen about it that by the end of the party, people didn't believe me and I was like "Feel it!" So I would get people's fingers, like the head of the studio and everything, and I would put their fingers so they could feel like, the metal at the top bit. Not near anything dangerous, just above the thing. And then eventually word got around and there was like, a line of people waiting to feel the metal of my cockring. So yeah, that's my cockring story!

~ Alan Cumming

Disappointing

Okay, I can get over that Dean (Jensen Ackles) has a smooth (or at least shaved) chest—despite the fact he comes off as very bearish— but he's also got boy nipples. Obviously he doesn't like them played with. (Not that any one of us would ever get the opportunity.) Damn.

I'm Going to Hell

I told you…I can't fuck you right now—as much as I'd like to! I've got an demonic blood-sucking vampire thing to put down or these bat shit insane religious zealots are gonna have my head…and not that kind of head!"