Fucktacular!
From Jeff Tiedrich:
want to construct a clusterfuck? it's easy.
start with the smoking rubble of a burned-out brain in steep cognitive decline. add a dollop of acute megalomania. pour in a generous amount of greed. now add the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel. toss in some ignorance, along with the inability to learn from mistakes, or even admit that mistakes were made.
now take that shitpile of defects, shake well, and bingo! you've ended up with Donny Convict's completely incoherent tariff policies.
on February 2nd, Donny announced he was slapping a 25% tariff on all Canadian and Mexican imports. markets crashed — the Dow dropped 600 points in one day.
the very next day, Donny announced that he was putting a month-long hold on the tariffs, because both Canada and Mexico agreed to his list of demands. the markets calmed down.
but then out of the clear blue, Donny was all fuck it, ima do these tariffs anyway — starting tomorrow. have fun!
markets freaked out all over again. so did business leaders.
Fox Business interviewed the owner of a Pennsylvania auto dealership. the poor schnook is at his wit's end over what's happening.
"I had an order from a customer. $80,000 truck. it's a hundred thousand dollars now. so he's not gonna buy the truck. it's gonna sit on my lot. and you know, the higher interest rates we're paying now for floor space. and nobody's going to buy the truck, because it just had a twenty thousand dollar price increase."
and then, yesterday —
Donald Trump has temporarily spared carmakers from sweeping US tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico, one day after an economic strike on the US's two biggest trading partners sparked warnings of widespread price increases and disruption.
After a call with top executives at General Motors, Ford and Stellantis, however, Trump approved a one-month exemption from tariffs on "any autos coming through" the US, Mexico and Canada, the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, announced on Wednesday.
The exemption has been granted "at the request of the companies," Leavitt told reporters, "so they are not at an economic disadvantage."
so, Mister Car Dealer no longer has to worry about that truck that was going to be sitting on his lot, taking up space. how convenient.
Donny's reckless tariffs impacts all industries — so why did he choose to cut the auto industry some slack? because they're big, powerful fat cats who can be relied on to shovel money into Donny's pockets.
that's the way it's gonna be from now on. the plutocrats with the scratch — the corner-office honchos who can plunk down five mil for private dinners with Dear Leader at Motel-a-Lago — they're going to get all kinds of special carve-outs to Donny's tariffs. one hand washes the other.
he little guys who can't afford to pay-for-play — the ones who don't have Donny on speed dial — well, they're going to be cordially invited, as always, to go fuck themselves raw.
mind you, Canada isn't taking any of this fuckery lying down.
if you're a Canadian right now with a hankering for some California wine, or Kentucky bourbon, forget about it. that shit's been taken off the shelves.
The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), one of the largest buyers of alcohol in the world, removed US-made alcoholic drinks from its shelves on Tuesday.
don't fuck with Canada. they're not playing around — and the Canadian public thinks this shit's hilarious.
US distilleries are less than thrilled.
March 5 (Reuters) – Jack Daniel's maker Brown-Forman's (BFb.N), CEO Lawson Whiting said on Wednesday Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was "worse than a tariff" and a "disproportionate response" to levies imposed by the Trump administration.
reporter: "respectfully, It's just 43 pounds that were found last year. that's less than a carry-on suitcase. is that a lot of fentanyl compared to, say, Mexico? the vast majority of fentanyl is brought in though Mexico, not Canada. so what else does Canada need to do?"
Karoline Leavitt: "last year alone, there was a 2000% increase in illegal fentanyl."
Reporter: "it was only 43 pounds, Karoline."
that's a verifiable fact — but Donny and his toadies are going to keep pretending otherwise.
Leavitt, by the way, was not pleased about being fact-checked by a reporter doing his job. check out her totally mature reaction.
You're asking me for what the president's justification is for these tariffs. It's not up to you. You're not the president, Gabe!" Leavitt snapped.
"And frankly, I think it's a little bit disrespect-ul [sic] to the families in this country that have lost loved ones at the hands of this deadly poison.
hissy much, Karoline?
and oh look, Team Donny has invented a whole new reason to be mad at Canada.
when last we saw Peter Navarro, he was being mocked mercilessly by the legendary Anarchy Princess while on his way to prison for contempt of Congress
well, Big Pete's done his time. he's back in Donny's good graces and has an office at the White House.
here he is, dropping a whole new truth bomb on Fox News, with his unique blend of ignorance and arrogance.
"Canada has been taken over by Mexican cartels."
don't you love how these bold-face fucksticks just keep piling fantastical new lies on top of the old lies?
Peter, are these Mexican cartels in the room with us right now? no, they're not—because apparently they're right inside Justin Trudeau's office—much in the same way the Space Nazi shares the Oval Office with Donny.
for all we know, there's probably the son of some drug lord, right now, wiping his snots all over Canada's version of the Resolute Desk.
so, for those of you keeping score at home,
— we have to take over Canada because it's being run by Mexico.
— we have to take over Panama because it's being run by China.
— we have to take over Greenland because it's being run by … fuck it, who cares. we're gonna invade them anyway.
— and the one country that really does need our protection because they've been attacked by Russia, they can go eat an entire bag of dicks, because Zelensky was very mean to Dear Leader.
here are your heroes of the day.
when some DOGE dipshits showed up at the headquarters of the U.S. African Development Foundation (a division of USAID) and demanded to be let in, staffers working there were all yeah, you pimply teenage incels can fuck all the way off.
thank you, USADF, for showing everyone how it's done.
"Canada's Not A Real Country"
And MUSK is not a real human.
Vomiting It All Up
Embrace Your Freedom Sores, Son!
Remember…you're owning the Libs!
The Week In Stupid
Courtesy Jeff Tiedrich:
monday: fuck it, we'll just call it Donnyland
"Congressman Buddy Carter of Georgia just introduced a bill authorizing Trump to acquire Greenland and rename it Red, White and Blueland."
get it? get it? they're all colors! Rep. Carter just did a clever … in his pants.
Republicans are really flexing their dipshit muscles these days, now that they've bullied both Google Maps and Apple Maps into renaming that big watery thing to our south to 'the Gulf of America.' it's so fucking childish.
these arrogant nitwits are so high on their own supply that they have no clue that the rest of the world is laughing their asses off at us — when they're not cringing in horror.
you know what? let's just rip up all the maps and start over.
Trinidad and Tobago? that's a stupid name. fuck that — it's now Melanialand. Canada is now America's Hat. Iceland is now Trump Iceland.™ that's a no-brainer — Donny's got to sell that skeevy water to someone.
and the space between Rep. Carter's ears? I'm introducing a bill this week to rename it to the Gulf of Idiot.
tuesday: irony isn't the only thing that's dead
daddy, where do Republicans come from?
well, son, they take big vats of stupid and drop zygotes into them. the ones that don't survive, they send off to Congress.
"based on what we're actually looking to do with the JFK investigation, I'm looking to actually bring in some of the attending physicians, at the initial assassination, and also the people that had been on the various commissions — like the Warren Commission."
who wants to tell her?
Anna — all those people are dead. everyone on the Warren Commission died decades ago. Gerald Ford was the last surviving member. he died in 2008.
what are you going to do, hold a fucking seance?
as long as you've apparently got a hotline to the Great Beyond, why not go straight to the source? get out your ouija board and summon up Lee Harvey Oswald — that dude knows more about what happened at Dealey Plaza than anyone.
in fact, I beat you to it, Anna. I just got off the phone with Lee Harvey. he keeps up with current events — because down there where he is, everyone's forced to watch Fox News. it's part of the Eternal Torments. check out Lee's nickname for you:
An Appalling Lunatic.
fuck, he's good. I should get him to ghost-write my posts.
wednesday: boo fucking hoo
last Sunday's Superbowl halftime show broke so many wingnut brains, days later they were still bellyaching about it. here's Internet Found Object Stew Peters, cranking the racism dial so far past 11 that it snaps off in his hand.
"after several consecutive years of conducting satanic rituals on live television, the NFL went right back to doing what it does best: giving a platform to degenerate blacks. it's just all so tiresome. every single one of America's biggest entertainment platforms, from the fake and gay and rigged entertainment leagues, like the NFL, to the music industry, to all of our TV shows, has completely given in to this degenerate black filth culture that was created by a bunch of subversive Jews."
wait — did Stewball just call my people subversive? he can't get away with that. where's my fucking space laser?
thursday: whatimalism?
this is just so fucking embarrassing.
"President Trump and Elon Musk, arguably the two most unorthodox and influential American leaders of the 21st century, are practicing and fine-tuning a fused theory of governing power -> Masculine maximalism."
media, can you please stop with the hagiographic hero worship? Donny Convict and the Space Nazi are not avatars of "masculine" anything.
one guy can't go out in public without spackling his pale death-mask face with a gallon of burnt cork. the other has had extensive gender-affirming surgeryjust so he could feel better about himself.
these two jokers are petty, vindictive, dishonest, and never take responsibility for their fuckups. what kind of "masculine maximalism" is that?
admit it, Jim. you know what you really want to say about Donny and Leon, don't you? go ahead. this is a safe space.
"daddy's home."
that's right, Jim — except now America has two daddies, and they're both taking off their belts.
Jim? Jim?
oh my, Jimmy VandeHei just swooned and passed out, with the biggest smile on his face.
friday: a chip off the old extremely homophobic block
it appears that the Space Nazi didn't just inherit the profits from an Apartheid-era emerald operation from his father. he apparently also inherited a rather fucked-up set of values.
isn't Errol a charmer? it's really true what they say — the douche doesn't fall far from the bag.
saturday: ?
hey, it's still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
They're Drinking Vodka Straight Out Of The Bottle In The Kremlin
How soon before 45 just just invites Russian troops to occupy US cities?
Ya Think?!
Trump Claims There Are No Empty Seats. Cameraman Immediately Fact Checks Him.
"The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." ~George Orwell, 1984
Just Sayin'
Pro Tip for Catholic Charities PR Team: Maybe not host an adjudicated rapist credibly accused of sexual abuse by dozens of women if you're trying to rise above your own church's history of sexual abuse. – GeoffBrown82
Instant Karma
She's Going to Vote. Are You?
VOTE BLUE!
THIS is What I Say…
THIS is what I say:
Sunday Sacrilege
"Where's My Pudding?!"
Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied
The court has ruled on presidential immunity. "A former president is entitled to absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his "conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority," the ruling says. "There is no immunity for unofficial acts."
So, a president is not fully immune. Personal acts aren't immune, presidential acts MIGHT be immune, but there is some presumption of immunity for official acts.
Obviously this presumption of immunity is nowhere in the Constitution. The originalists are definitely being original, and boy are we eff'ed; so much for Republican arguments that judges shouldn't legislate from the bench. The argument now is going to be about what is or is not "an official act."
I wish that the SCOTUS made it clear what is an official duty (you know, like duties as defined in The Constitution) versus everything else, but they didn't, and so here we are.
There is no way the DC trial gets underway before the election.
The decision is here. I'm reading the dissenting opinion first, and oof. Sotomayor writes that the majority's grant of immunity "reshapes the institution of the presidency" and "makes a mockery of the principle" that "no man is above the law."
We are totally eff'ed in the dark.
Justice Jackson:
The majority of my colleagues seems to have put their trust in our Court's ability to prevent Presidents from becoming Kings through case-by-case application of the indeterminate standards of their new Presidential accountability paradigm. I fear that they are wrong. But, for all our sakes, I hope that they are right.
In the meantime, because the risks (and power) the Court has now assumed are intolerable, unwarranted, and plainly antithetical to bedrock constitutional norms, I dissent.
UPDATE 1:
"You can hear the echoes of Richard Nixon saying, 'If the president does it, it is not illegal.'" — MSNBC's Katy Tur
VOTE BLUE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT…BECAUSE IT DOES!
Who's Gonna Tell Him?
Don't Worry…
I won't be posting any more pictures of this fragile-masculinity "godly" asshole.
Apparently the owner of this account reposts other guys pix "in the interest of men promoting men's masculinity" or some such nonsense and then gets all bent out of shape when other gay guys hit on the guys he's posted.
"This is NOT a gay fetish page"? Could've fooled me, dude. And his main page?
"…but I am straight."
"Straight" men do not post pictures of other mens' mustaches with an almost fetish like devotion.
There Is A Mental Health Crisis In This Country
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
Okay, Babs…
Thank God…
Damn…Was That Today?
And I didn't even have a bag packed.
Who am I kidding? I'm not going anywhere.
Ya Think?!
Hey MAGA…
Ohhhh…That Explains It
Seriously…
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
The Right's War on Brands Is Stupid and Terrifying
From New Republic:
The anti-LGBTQ attacks of Bud Light and Target are no mere boycotts—the aim is to intimidate companies into submission.
Even by the right's recent standards, the ongoing backlash to Bud Light is convoluted and stupid. To the extent that it can be summed up, it goes something like this. Last month, the perfectly acceptable beverage company sent trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney some beer to celebrate her first year of womanhood. Mulvaney then did what influencers do when they receive free stuff: She posted about it in conjunction with a sweepstakes associated with March Madness. Right-wingers saw this, freaked out, and began a boycott. The beer's sales have subsequently plummeted; right-wingers claimed victory after the company parted ways with two executives who were responsible for the very normal brand promotion—and then continued the boycott anyway.
The Mulvaney episode is now a playbook for the right. If a company makes any statement, however minor or tepid, in support of LGBTQ rights, launch a boycott and cause a firestorm—it doesn't matter if anything makes sense. What matters in the end is that the company is left without any credible means of responding to the contretemps. Bud Light has backed down somewhat—again, two people lost their jobs over something extremely trivial—but it hasn't amounted to "amends" as far as the braying lunatics who kicked off this firestorm are concerned. They have managed to turn being a mewling, whining infant into a political identity: They see a woman with some beers, and they throw a tantrum. And they don't stop.
Target is the latest company to find itself on this newest and stupidest front of the culture wars. Its sins go something like this: In honor of Pride Month, the big box retailer put some shirts with rainbows on them in the store. Conservatives saw this and absolutely melted down, demanding—you guessed it—a boycott. Target responded by backing down: It moved Pride displays from the front of its stores to the back; its opponents declared victory—and then kept up the boycott anyway. Again: The objection here is T-shirts. With rainbows on them.
J.D. Vance, who once wrote a book about how people need to remember how to be tough and use their bootstraps while having a stiff upper lip, more or less summed up the "objections" of this group of whiners:
Target could have decided to stay out of the culture wars, instead it decided to wage war on a large share of its customer base. I no longer shop at Target, and it seems many families are doing the same. https://t.co/RMVseSjdqS
— J.D. Vance (@JDVance1) May 26, 2023
Much like Bud Light's crime, Target's sin is stupendously anodyne. Companies have been acknowledging Pride Month for years; selling merchandise—and profiting—from this sort of thing is precisely the business that Target is in. More importantly, these shirts don't actually do anything. For one thing, they're shirts. For another, they simply acknowledge the existence of LGBTQ people during a month aimed at celebrating Pride.
But this is ultimately the objection here, to the extent that anything coherent can be pulled from these actions. The right-wingers storming the barricades of Target—Target!—want to pull back decades of cultural progress and return to a world in which gay liberation isn't a thing. It's profoundly reactionary, even by recent standards.
But it's also a profoundly nihilistic and fascistic impulse. The movements that have sprouted up in protest of Bud Light and Target—and Disney, in Ron DeSantis's case—are designed to intimidate. These groups want to terrify companies into toeing a line that their tiny faction—and they alone—dictate. There are no rules to follow and no hard lines drawn; the confusion is the point: Cross the pissbabies, and your stock price will tank, your quarterly earnings will collapse, and your executives will be fired. There's no acceptable response other than total, preemptive capitulation. Needless to say, this is profoundly un-American.
There are stray elements of this larger movement on the right that are geared toward trying to replicate American consumer culture but with a right-wing bent. Black Rifle Coffee, the burnt-tasting coffee company with a big gun on the bag—so you know they have the right politics—is arguably the leader of this trend. Actively courting Trump voters for years—the coffee company endorsed the Muslim ban for some reason, among other execrable political acts—the company has attempted to replicate Starbucks's popularity with some success: Their coffee is available at gun ranges and convenience stores across the country. When Bud Light fell afoul of right-wing influencers, some enterprising marketers attempted to profit—again, with limited success. (Presumably the boycotters have moved on to some of the many similar beers, some of which are made by Bud Light's parent company, the absolutely massive and monopolistic AB InBev.) These efforts, to stand up a parallel free market in which brands are always flexing their political identity (ironically after many years in which the same people professed a desire for major brands to be apolitical) are stuttering, but they are not going away anytime soon.
Still, the biggest aspect of the ongoing Target and Bud Light brouhaha is as a naked, stupid, and often terrifying example of power—one for which a response has yet to be developed: It's hard to see how the silent, sane majority of Target shoppers can rise up in the company's defense. The opponents of these companies are menacing; they want to scare these brands and their employees on the front line. (Indeed, Target moved its displays citing employee safety.) They're also hardly aimed at Target and Bud Light alone. This is a war aimed at corporate America writ large: Make any statement acknowledging the existence of anyone we don't like, and you're next.
Oh Look! Another Bleach Blond Barbie Screeching Her Outrage!
From Comic Sans:
Failed GOP Candidate's Attempt At Painting LGBTQ+ People As 'Demons' Backfires Gloriously
After QAnoner and failed Republican Senate candidate Lauren Witzke shared a graphic of 'Pride Month' fading to 'Demon,' LGBTQ+ people instead embraced it.
Failed Republican Senate candidate and QAnon conspiracy theorist Lauren Witzke attempt to undermine Pride Month has unexpectedly garnered support for the LGBTQ+ community.
Witzke's post, featuring an image with the words "Pride Month" fading to reveal the word "demon" in rainbow letters, faced strong opposition from LGBTQ+ individuals and allies who embraced the meme, ridiculed Witzke, and highlighted the queer and trans artist responsible for creating the rainbow version of the image.
You can see Witzke's tweet below.
— Lauren Witzke (@LaurenWitzkeDE) May 26, 2023
Artist Veya, who uses fae/they pronouns, repurposed the original anti-LGBTQ+ meme in 2021. The initial image, attributed to Christian publisher Sword-In-Hand Publishing's Facebook page, displayed the word "demon" in red letters after the fading of the phrase "Pride Month."
However, Veya transformed the meme into a symbol of empowerment and inclusivity by replacing the red letters with rainbow colors. This artistic reinterpretation gained attention after Witzke's misguided attempt to discredit Pride Month.
In a follow-up tweet, Witzke seemed blissfully unaware of how her tweet would be received, writing:
"Demons can seethe. Christians are DONE taking crap from the LGBTQ Mafia. We're cancelling Pride Month, pouring out your Bud Light, shutting down your Targets, and we're taking back the rainbow."
"We will also stand up for our right to criticize your depravity in court. No more cowarding, no more pandering."
In response to Witzke's tweet, the LGBTQ+ community and its supporters created various parodies and riffs on her post.
— Iantos (@IantosWolf) May 28, 2023
made one for the desantis crowd <3 pic.twitter.com/4yvDSEW2dv
— Alexis Kraft (@TheAlexisKraft) May 30, 2023
I am a demon. Rawr. 👹
— All Things Gaga – Fan Account (@allgagathings) May 28, 2023
Yaaaaaaassss pic.twitter.com/9d9B8yNGNS
— AnaIrA Bearbussy 🧸 (@bearbussy) May 28, 2023
These creative and empowering responses not only countered Witzke's message but also highlighted the rejection of her divisive rhetoric.
Numerous individuals also expressed their support by purchasing T-shirts featuring Veya's design, further amplifying the artist's visibility.
https://twitter.com/_mortar_level/status/1662844991851360259
https://twitter.com/blestboys/status/1663148809533136898
Witzke has a extensive track record of targeting and criticizing LGBTQ+ individuals.
In March 2021, Witzke responded to a tweet by diplomat Richard Grenell regarding a trans woman's attendance at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) by making derogatory statements, claiming that transgender people are "mentally ill" and "demonic."
Witzke, who previously worked as a host for the far-right conspiracy theory and disinformation website TruNews, also referred to the COVID-19 outbreak that affected the outlet as a "demonic attack." She attributed this attack to the channel's hosting of far-right provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos, who identifies as "ex-gay," and referred to him as "Satan's favorite sodomite."
More recently, Witzke expressed her support for Uganda's death penalty for homosexuality, stating that unlike lawmakers in Texas, the Ugandan government recognized the need to prevent any perceived encroachment by the LGBTQ+ community and labeled them the "LGBTQ Mafia."