Remember…you're owning the Libs!
The Week In Stupid
Courtesy Jeff Tiedrich:
monday: fuck it, we'll just call it Donnyland
Georgia Rep. Buddy Carter just earned himself a spot in the Performative Dumbfuck Hall of Fame. here's DC news anchor John Rogers to explain why.
"Congressman Buddy Carter of Georgia just introduced a bill authorizing Trump to acquire Greenland and rename it Red, White and Blueland."
get it? get it? they're all colors! Rep. Carter just did a clever … in his pants.
Republicans are really flexing their dipshit muscles these days, now that they've bullied both Google Maps and Apple Maps into renaming that big watery thing to our south to 'the Gulf of America.' it's so fucking childish.
these arrogant nitwits are so high on their own supply that they have no clue that the rest of the world is laughing their asses off at us — when they're not cringing in horror.
you know what? let's just rip up all the maps and start over.
Trinidad and Tobago? that's a stupid name. fuck that — it's now Melanialand. Canada is now America's Hat. Iceland is now Trump Iceland.™ that's a no-brainer — Donny's got to sell that skeevy water to someone.
and the space between Rep. Carter's ears? I'm introducing a bill this week to rename it to the Gulf of Idiot.
tuesday: irony isn't the only thing that's dead
daddy, where do Republicans come from?
well, son, they take big vats of stupid and drop zygotes into them. the ones that don't survive, they send off to Congress.
this week, Anna Paulina Luna, Congresswoman from America's Dangly Bit (as long as we're renaming things), announced that she would be investigating the death of John F. Kennedy — and she plans on having quite the panel of expert witnesses.
"based on what we're actually looking to do with the JFK investigation, I'm looking to actually bring in some of the attending physicians, at the initial assassination, and also the people that had been on the various commissions — like the Warren Commission."
who wants to tell her?
Anna — all those people are dead. everyone on the Warren Commission died decades ago. Gerald Ford was the last surviving member. he died in 2008.
what are you going to do, hold a fucking seance?
as long as you've apparently got a hotline to the Great Beyond, why not go straight to the source? get out your ouija board and summon up Lee Harvey Oswald — that dude knows more about what happened at Dealey Plaza than anyone.
in fact, I beat you to it, Anna. I just got off the phone with Lee Harvey. he keeps up with current events — because down there where he is, everyone's forced to watch Fox News. it's part of the Eternal Torments. check out Lee's nickname for you:
An Appalling Lunatic.
fuck, he's good. I should get him to ghost-write my posts.
wednesday: boo fucking hoo
last Sunday's Superbowl halftime show broke so many wingnut brains, days later they were still bellyaching about it. here's Internet Found Object Stew Peters, cranking the racism dial so far past 11 that it snaps off in his hand.
"after several consecutive years of conducting satanic rituals on live television, the NFL went right back to doing what it does best: giving a platform to degenerate blacks. it's just all so tiresome. every single one of America's biggest entertainment platforms, from the fake and gay and rigged entertainment leagues, like the NFL, to the music industry, to all of our TV shows, has completely given in to this degenerate black filth culture that was created by a bunch of subversive Jews."
wait — did Stewball just call my people subversive? he can't get away with that. where's my fucking space laser?
thursday: whatimalism?
this is just so fucking embarrassing.
"President Trump and Elon Musk, arguably the two most unorthodox and influential American leaders of the 21st century, are practicing and fine-tuning a fused theory of governing power -> Masculine maximalism."
media, can you please stop with the hagiographic hero worship? Donny Convict and the Space Nazi are not avatars of "masculine" anything.
one guy can't go out in public without spackling his pale death-mask face with a gallon of burnt cork. the other has had extensive gender-affirming surgeryjust so he could feel better about himself.
these two jokers are petty, vindictive, dishonest, and never take responsibility for their fuckups. what kind of "masculine maximalism" is that?
admit it, Jim. you know what you really want to say about Donny and Leon, don't you? go ahead. this is a safe space.
"daddy's home."
that's right, Jim — except now America has two daddies, and they're both taking off their belts.
Jim? Jim?
oh my, Jimmy VandeHei just swooned and passed out, with the biggest smile on his face.
friday: a chip off the old extremely homophobic block
it appears that the Space Nazi didn't just inherit the profits from an Apartheid-era emerald operation from his father. he apparently also inherited a rather fucked-up set of values.
"Obama's a queer, married to a man who dresses as a woman."
isn't Errol a charmer? it's really true what they say — the douche doesn't fall far from the bag.
saturday: ?
hey, it's still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
They're Drinking Vodka Straight Out Of The Bottle In The Kremlin
Ya Think?!
Trump Claims There Are No Empty Seats. Cameraman Immediately Fact Checks Him.
"The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." ~George Orwell, 1984
Just Sayin'
Pro Tip for Catholic Charities PR Team: Maybe not host an adjudicated rapist credibly accused of sexual abuse by dozens of women if you're trying to rise above your own church's history of sexual abuse. – GeoffBrown82
Instant Karma
She's Going to Vote. Are You?
THIS is What I Say…
Sunday Sacrilege
"Where's My Pudding?!"
Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied
The court has ruled on presidential immunity. "A former president is entitled to absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his "conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority," the ruling says. "There is no immunity for unofficial acts."
So, a president is not fully immune. Personal acts aren't immune, presidential acts MIGHT be immune, but there is some presumption of immunity for official acts.
Obviously this presumption of immunity is nowhere in the Constitution. The originalists are definitely being original, and boy are we eff'ed; so much for Republican arguments that judges shouldn't legislate from the bench. The argument now is going to be about what is or is not "an official act."
I wish that the SCOTUS made it clear what is an official duty (you know, like duties as defined in The Constitution) versus everything else, but they didn't, and so here we are.
There is no way the DC trial gets underway before the election.
The decision is here. I'm reading the dissenting opinion first, and oof. Sotomayor writes that the majority's grant of immunity "reshapes the institution of the presidency" and "makes a mockery of the principle" that "no man is above the law."
We are totally eff'ed in the dark.
Justice Jackson:
The majority of my colleagues seems to have put their trust in our Court's ability to prevent Presidents from becoming Kings through case-by-case application of the indeterminate standards of their new Presidential accountability paradigm. I fear that they are wrong. But, for all our sakes, I hope that they are right.
In the meantime, because the risks (and power) the Court has now assumed are intolerable, unwarranted, and plainly antithetical to bedrock constitutional norms, I dissent.
UPDATE 1:
"You can hear the echoes of Richard Nixon saying, 'If the president does it, it is not illegal.'" — MSNBC's Katy Tur
VOTE BLUE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT…BECAUSE IT DOES!
Who's Gonna Tell Him?
Don't Worry…
I won't be posting any more pictures of this fragile-masculinity "godly" asshole.
Apparently the owner of this account reposts other guys pix "in the interest of men promoting men's masculinity" or some such nonsense and then gets all bent out of shape when other gay guys hit on the guys he's posted.
"This is NOT a gay fetish page"? Could've fooled me, dude. And his main page?
"…but I am straight."
"Straight" men do not post pictures of other mens' mustaches with an almost fetish like devotion.
There Is A Mental Health Crisis In This Country
Okay, Babs…
Thank God…
Damn…Was That Today?
Ya Think?!
Hey MAGA…
Ohhhh…That Explains It
Seriously…
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
The Right's War on Brands Is Stupid and Terrifying
From New Republic:
The anti-LGBTQ attacks of Bud Light and Target are no mere boycotts—the aim is to intimidate companies into submission.
Even by the right's recent standards, the ongoing backlash to Bud Light is convoluted and stupid. To the extent that it can be summed up, it goes something like this. Last month, the perfectly acceptable beverage company sent trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney some beer to celebrate her first year of womanhood. Mulvaney then did what influencers do when they receive free stuff: She posted about it in conjunction with a sweepstakes associated with March Madness. Right-wingers saw this, freaked out, and began a boycott. The beer's sales have subsequently plummeted; right-wingers claimed victory after the company parted ways with two executives who were responsible for the very normal brand promotion—and then continued the boycott anyway.
The Mulvaney episode is now a playbook for the right. If a company makes any statement, however minor or tepid, in support of LGBTQ rights, launch a boycott and cause a firestorm—it doesn't matter if anything makes sense. What matters in the end is that the company is left without any credible means of responding to the contretemps. Bud Light has backed down somewhat—again, two people lost their jobs over something extremely trivial—but it hasn't amounted to "amends" as far as the braying lunatics who kicked off this firestorm are concerned. They have managed to turn being a mewling, whining infant into a political identity: They see a woman with some beers, and they throw a tantrum. And they don't stop.
Target is the latest company to find itself on this newest and stupidest front of the culture wars. Its sins go something like this: In honor of Pride Month, the big box retailer put some shirts with rainbows on them in the store. Conservatives saw this and absolutely melted down, demanding—you guessed it—a boycott. Target responded by backing down: It moved Pride displays from the front of its stores to the back; its opponents declared victory—and then kept up the boycott anyway. Again: The objection here is T-shirts. With rainbows on them.
J.D. Vance, who once wrote a book about how people need to remember how to be tough and use their bootstraps while having a stiff upper lip, more or less summed up the "objections" of this group of whiners:
Target could have decided to stay out of the culture wars, instead it decided to wage war on a large share of its customer base. I no longer shop at Target, and it seems many families are doing the same. https://t.co/RMVseSjdqS
— J.D. Vance (@JDVance1) May 26, 2023
Much like Bud Light's crime, Target's sin is stupendously anodyne. Companies have been acknowledging Pride Month for years; selling merchandise—and profiting—from this sort of thing is precisely the business that Target is in. More importantly, these shirts don't actually do anything. For one thing, they're shirts. For another, they simply acknowledge the existence of LGBTQ people during a month aimed at celebrating Pride.
But this is ultimately the objection here, to the extent that anything coherent can be pulled from these actions. The right-wingers storming the barricades of Target—Target!—want to pull back decades of cultural progress and return to a world in which gay liberation isn't a thing. It's profoundly reactionary, even by recent standards.
But it's also a profoundly nihilistic and fascistic impulse. The movements that have sprouted up in protest of Bud Light and Target—and Disney, in Ron DeSantis's case—are designed to intimidate. These groups want to terrify companies into toeing a line that their tiny faction—and they alone—dictate. There are no rules to follow and no hard lines drawn; the confusion is the point: Cross the pissbabies, and your stock price will tank, your quarterly earnings will collapse, and your executives will be fired. There's no acceptable response other than total, preemptive capitulation. Needless to say, this is profoundly un-American.
There are stray elements of this larger movement on the right that are geared toward trying to replicate American consumer culture but with a right-wing bent. Black Rifle Coffee, the burnt-tasting coffee company with a big gun on the bag—so you know they have the right politics—is arguably the leader of this trend. Actively courting Trump voters for years—the coffee company endorsed the Muslim ban for some reason, among other execrable political acts—the company has attempted to replicate Starbucks's popularity with some success: Their coffee is available at gun ranges and convenience stores across the country. When Bud Light fell afoul of right-wing influencers, some enterprising marketers attempted to profit—again, with limited success. (Presumably the boycotters have moved on to some of the many similar beers, some of which are made by Bud Light's parent company, the absolutely massive and monopolistic AB InBev.) These efforts, to stand up a parallel free market in which brands are always flexing their political identity (ironically after many years in which the same people professed a desire for major brands to be apolitical) are stuttering, but they are not going away anytime soon.
Still, the biggest aspect of the ongoing Target and Bud Light brouhaha is as a naked, stupid, and often terrifying example of power—one for which a response has yet to be developed: It's hard to see how the silent, sane majority of Target shoppers can rise up in the company's defense. The opponents of these companies are menacing; they want to scare these brands and their employees on the front line. (Indeed, Target moved its displays citing employee safety.) They're also hardly aimed at Target and Bud Light alone. This is a war aimed at corporate America writ large: Make any statement acknowledging the existence of anyone we don't like, and you're next.
Oh Look! Another Bleach Blond Barbie Screeching Her Outrage!
From Comic Sans:
Failed GOP Candidate's Attempt At Painting LGBTQ+ People As 'Demons' Backfires Gloriously
After QAnoner and failed Republican Senate candidate Lauren Witzke shared a graphic of 'Pride Month' fading to 'Demon,' LGBTQ+ people instead embraced it.
Failed Republican Senate candidate and QAnon conspiracy theorist Lauren Witzke attempt to undermine Pride Month has unexpectedly garnered support for the LGBTQ+ community.
Witzke's post, featuring an image with the words "Pride Month" fading to reveal the word "demon" in rainbow letters, faced strong opposition from LGBTQ+ individuals and allies who embraced the meme, ridiculed Witzke, and highlighted the queer and trans artist responsible for creating the rainbow version of the image.
You can see Witzke's tweet below.
— Lauren Witzke (@LaurenWitzkeDE) May 26, 2023
Artist Veya, who uses fae/they pronouns, repurposed the original anti-LGBTQ+ meme in 2021. The initial image, attributed to Christian publisher Sword-In-Hand Publishing's Facebook page, displayed the word "demon" in red letters after the fading of the phrase "Pride Month."
However, Veya transformed the meme into a symbol of empowerment and inclusivity by replacing the red letters with rainbow colors. This artistic reinterpretation gained attention after Witzke's misguided attempt to discredit Pride Month.
In a follow-up tweet, Witzke seemed blissfully unaware of how her tweet would be received, writing:
"Demons can seethe. Christians are DONE taking crap from the LGBTQ Mafia. We're cancelling Pride Month, pouring out your Bud Light, shutting down your Targets, and we're taking back the rainbow."
"We will also stand up for our right to criticize your depravity in court. No more cowarding, no more pandering."
In response to Witzke's tweet, the LGBTQ+ community and its supporters created various parodies and riffs on her post.
— Iantos (@IantosWolf) May 28, 2023
made one for the desantis crowd <3 pic.twitter.com/4yvDSEW2dv
— Alexis Kraft (@TheAlexisKraft) May 30, 2023
I am a demon. Rawr. 👹
— All Things Gaga – Fan Account (@allgagathings) May 28, 2023
Yaaaaaaassss pic.twitter.com/9d9B8yNGNS
— AnaIrA Bearbussy 🧸 (@bearbussy) May 28, 2023
These creative and empowering responses not only countered Witzke's message but also highlighted the rejection of her divisive rhetoric.
Numerous individuals also expressed their support by purchasing T-shirts featuring Veya's design, further amplifying the artist's visibility.
https://twitter.com/_mortar_level/status/1662844991851360259
https://twitter.com/blestboys/status/1663148809533136898
Witzke has a extensive track record of targeting and criticizing LGBTQ+ individuals.
In March 2021, Witzke responded to a tweet by diplomat Richard Grenell regarding a trans woman's attendance at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) by making derogatory statements, claiming that transgender people are "mentally ill" and "demonic."
Witzke, who previously worked as a host for the far-right conspiracy theory and disinformation website TruNews, also referred to the COVID-19 outbreak that affected the outlet as a "demonic attack." She attributed this attack to the channel's hosting of far-right provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos, who identifies as "ex-gay," and referred to him as "Satan's favorite sodomite."
More recently, Witzke expressed her support for Uganda's death penalty for homosexuality, stating that unlike lawmakers in Texas, the Ugandan government recognized the need to prevent any perceived encroachment by the LGBTQ+ community and labeled them the "LGBTQ Mafia."
And While We're On the Subject of Batshit Crazy…
Again, from Comic Sans:
MAGA 'Prophet' Warns Of Technologically Advanced 'Mermaids And Water People' In Bonkers Speech
Grace said:
"I have never seen more images of mermaids and water people in my life. That's a division in the kingdom of darkness and they're highly technologically advanced."
"And we have to understand what we're dealing with. And we have to understand the rules of engagement in spiritual warfare. And we are meant for hand-to-hand combat."
"Darkness has completely eclipsed the White House of this nation."
Predictably, the outlandish nature of Grace's remarks triggered a flurry of confusion, mockery, and the proliferation of memes across various online platforms.
The combination of the highly unusual subject matter, coupled with the passionate delivery, contributed to the audience's bewilderment and subsequent online ridicule.
Grace is far from the only self-proclaimed religious "prophet" to align themselves with the MAGA movement.
Last year, author and commentator Rachel Hamm—who at the time was vying to become California's next Secretary of State—claimed that her decision to run for office was predicated on her son's miraculous experience meeting Jesus Christ in a closet with a scroll.
Similarly, Julie Green—who runs the Evangelical Julie Green Ministries—has claimed more than once that God will "bring back" former President Donald Trump to the White House without the need for an actual election.
As of this writing, Green's prediction has yet to come to pass.