Category: Beating Back the St00pid

Posted on

I'll Pray for You

From Rosa Rubicondior:

What the Pious really mean.

I'll pray for you because:

  • If I tell the truth and say I hate you people won't think I'm a kind, caring person.
  • I want you to think I have some power over you that you can't do anything about.
  • I like to think I have some power over you that you can't do anything about.
  • I like to think I have an invisible friend who gets those who won't agree with me about everything.
  • I can't be bothered to learn stuff but I want people to think I'm better than you in some way.
  • I want you to feel guilty about beating me in an argument because I should be allowed to win every time even though I can't be bothered to learn stuff.
  • You won't agree with me so I'll try threatening you with my really powerful imaginary friend.
  • I want people to think I'm religious because I'm hoping to get away with people thinking I'm a person they can trust.
  • I can't counter your argument so I want to threaten you whilst making other people think I'm your morally superior.
  • I want my friends to be impressed with my smugly self-satisfied piety.
  • I want people to think I'm so special I have a close personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe who makes my wishes come true.
  • It costs me nothing and is much easier than doing something practical to help.
  • Pretending to be other peoples' moral superior makes me feel good about myself.
  • If there really is a god I'm hoping to impress it with my piety so I show it off at every opportunity.
  • What use is religion if you can't use it as a weapon when you need to?
  • What use is religion if you can't use it to try to elevate yourself above other people?
  • I'd really like to abuse you physically but I can only use words and make-believe.

Isn't it great the way religion can be used against other people is so many different ways? Has mankind ever devised any better source of excuses for the morally bankrupt than religion?

Posted on

Quote of the Day

"Hey Catholics, newsflash—if the Pope can quit, it's OK for you to quit, too. As you all know, this week Pope Benedict told Vatican radio—you know Vatican radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, the 9th century and today—Benedict told them he was going to resign because the church needs a fresh young face somewhere other than a priest's lap." ~ Bill Maher, who has the readers of Daily Caller ever so pissed.

(Source)

Posted on

"Go Ahead, Touch It."

"Mary B. Moron, of Sarnia, OH was indicted today for multiple counts of child abuse and willful neglect. Her 5 year old son was recently photographed in the company of at least three known pedophiles, and no parent or guardian was present.

In the indictment, the state claims that Ms. Moron deliberately took her son to a den of pedophilia and criminal activity. Shockingly, she also left a large sum of her own money with the leaders of the criminal organization."

Posted on

Well, We're Still All Here

Not only did the world not end, but from the way people were driving and behaving at the mall yesterday, it's obvious we didn't even transition to a higher plane of consciousness.

And I was so hoping for rampaging winged beasts, or at least an armada of UFOs.

Stupid Mayans.

Posted on

A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

From my friend Mark:

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water for his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging, commie liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, Joe takes his daily medications. His medications are safe to take because some evil, lefty bomb-throwers fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of Joe's medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some fire-breathing, lazy-ass union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance — now Joe gets it, too. Never would turn it down.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In his morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some cry-baby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is healthy because some wacko, trouble-making, militant environmentalist fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Then Joe walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants, limp-wristed, freethinkng asshole fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some fire-breathing, Viet Cong-loving union members fought and died for these working standards.

Joe's employer pays these high standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union in. So Joe benefits from what others have gained.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a workers compensation or unemployment check because some stupid, pinko troublemakers didn't think Joe should lose his home because of a temporary misfortune.

At noontime Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless, liberal red wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. He can thank that Stalinist Franklin D. Roosevelt for that.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist, pointy-headed liberal decided that Joe and society as a whole would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. That's okay, but the bastards tricked him because he has to pay taxes. Romney will fix that, he tells himself.

Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government, New Deal, Stalinist liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating Marxist made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that over the decades the beloved Republicans have fought to defeat every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees with the talk-radio loudmouth: We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man and a good Republican and I believe all Americans should take care of themselves, just like I have!

Posted on

Punching the Nose of a Bully Does Not Make You a Bully

A week ago Dan Savage gave a speech at Winona State University. In part, he said:

LGBT kids are four times greater risk of suicide. Tony Perkins advises the parents of LGBT kids to reject their children. LGBT kids who are rejected by their parents are at eight times greater risk of suicide. Perkins is aware of these studies and yet he actively encourages the parents of LGBT kids to do what Perkins knows will push those kids closer to suicide. The Family Research Council promotes anti-gay bullying in homes and opposes all efforts to combat anti-gay bullying in schools. (Here's Perkins on the "It Gets Better" Project: "According to Perkins, [the campaign] is "appalling," "disgusting," and an attempt to "recruit" kids into a perverted and "immoral" "lifestyle.")

Tony Perkins and the FRC point to the LGBT youth suicide rate as proof that the "gay lifestyle" is dangerous and unhealthy… while at the same time doing everything in their power to drive up that suicide rate.

Tony Perkins sits on a pile of dead gay kids

This of course, got all the usual right wing nut jobs panties in a bunch and the unquestionably heterosexual Tony Perkins responded:

Hate-filled leftist gay activist Dan Savage was at it again last Thursday. In a presentation at Winona State University in Minnesota, Savage went on another vulgarity-laden tirade in front of students this time saying that "every dead gay kid is a victory for the Family Research Council" and that "Tony Perkins sits on a pile of dead gay kids every day when he goes to work" (video follows with transcribed highlights and commentary, serious vulgarity warning).

Miss Perkins then went on fellow Christianist nut job Mike Huckabee's radio show and continued to beat this horse:

As my teenagers would say, he has some issues. He is a man with some real deep-seated issues … and Dan Savage is nowhere near, he's a hundred and eighty degrees from the positions that we have taken. It's wrong and I will tell you this, we are pursuing everything possible to deal with him because he is out of control…. This is the bottom line, Mike: is that if you don't embrace and celebrate homosexuality and everything associated with it, then you are intolerant. And the truth of the matter is, let's just be very, very truthful, and that's what we deal in is the truth, that even is society embraced homosexuality, there would never be that sense of self-fulfillment because it's outside the way God created man and woman. And that's the bottom line. They cannot erase that, even if they get every law on the books changed, it will never change that.

Naturally, in his indomitable style, Dan responded, basically telling Perkins to "bring it":

Yes, Tony, I have issues.

I have issues with people who would deny me and other LGBT people our full civil equality for no legitimate reason. I have particular issues with high-profile haters who encourage parents to reject their LGBT kids, doubling their already quadrupled risk for suicide. I have issues with people who say that LGBT people are "pawns of the devil." I have issues with people who compare LGBT people to terrorists. I have issues with people who falsely link homosexuality and pedophilia. I have issues with people who suggest that a law calling for the execution of gay people merely "upholds moral conduct."

But having issues with you, Tony, isn't quite the same thing as "having issues." Please make a note of it.

And during your chat today with Huckabee you didn't address the issue I raised. You and Mike called me names—because you were angry that I called you names?—but you didn't address my issue. So here it is again:

LGBT kids are four times greater risk of suicide. Tony Perkins advises the parents of LGBT kids to reject their children. LGBT kids who are rejected by their parents are at eight times greater risk of suicide. Perkins is aware of these studies and yet he actively encourages the parents of LGBT kids to do what Perkins knows will push those kids closer to suicide.

Sue me, Tony. I'd love to see you talk about my "issues" on a witness stand.

I realize that this isn't how you think the world is supposed to work, Tony. You believe—and you're old enough to remember a time when—people like you were free to say vile and disgusting things about people like me without anyone objecting. Certainly people like me weren't allowed to call people like you out. You still believe you should be free to lie about me and other LGBT people with absolutely impunity—we're all pedophiles and terrorists and Satanists—and that we should have to shut up and take it because… well, I'm not sure why you think we're not allowed to respond when you lie about us.

Maybe that's something we could get to the bottom of during the depositions.

I would love to see Tony's sagging ass handed to him in courtroom.