Category: Beating Back the St00pid

Right on cue, One Million Moms, the Harpy Division of the hate group American Family Association, is foaming at the mouth because of JC Penney's Father's Day Sale Flyer.

And they are very, very, disturbed:

"One Million Moms (OMM) is disturbed that JC Penney's (JCP) is continuing down the same path of promoting sin in their advertisements. In JCP's June catalog, there is another homosexual ad, but this time with two dads celebrating Father's Day. The advertising booklet began arriving in mailboxes yesterday. If their marketing department follows the same plan they did in May, this mailer will be available to view on their website on June 1.

"The ad shows two men on the floor playing and hugging their two children at home. It reads, 'First Pals – What makes Dad so cool? He's the swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver – all rolled into one. Or two. Real-life dads Todd Koch and Cooper Smith with their children Claire and Mason.'

"It is obvious that JCP would rather take sides than remain neutral in the culture war. JCP will hear from the other side so they need to hear from us as well. Our persistence will pay off! One day we will answer for our actions or lack of them. We must remain diligent and stand up for Biblical values and truth. Scripture says multiple times that homosexuality is wrong, and God will not tolerate this sinful nature.

"OMM will continue to avoid shopping at JCP until they take a neutral stand. If you receive their advertising booklets or catalogs in the mail, OMM recommends you write "REFUSED…RETURN TO SENDER" on your JCPenney catalog and try sending them back. If they receive an onslaught of their returned magazines, they will take notice. Also, you may email, call, or use their contact form on their website to unsubscribe from their mailers so you will no longer have these delivered to your home. If you have a store credit card, you can close your account, if you have not already done so, to help get the message across that you have no plans to shop with them in the future. Be sure to tell them why you are unsubscribing and canceling your credit card."

Poor babies. They don't even know you can't return Third Class mail. And seriously, how many of the One Dozen Shrews shop at JCP anyway?

If they keep boycotting every company that embraces marriage equality, pretty soon they won't be able to set foot outside their homes.

But wait…isn't staying at home supposed to be their place according to their Big Book O'Bullshit?

Being the godless deviant that I am, I used their own complaint form to tell them what I thought about their little temper tantrum. Feel free to do the same yourself.

Hello Moms,

Thanks for drawing my attention to the new JC Penney Catalog that shows a HO-MO-SEXUAL family WITH CHILDREN! Oh my LORD!  When I saw it I was flabbergasted! I was like: OMG! I have to tell EVERYONE I know about this! But first I got right on the phone and called the local JC Penny Store, emailed their corporate marketing department (again, thanks for the link, you're so helpful!) and THANKED THEM for EMBRACING EQUALITY. Not only that, I sent your helpful links to all my friends on Facebook and Twitter and Reddit and Foursquared and my e-mail list and told them that they all need to contact Penney's and commend them as well.  And on Saturday we're planning a big gay SHOP AT PENNEY'S party at our mall.

With any luck Penny's stock will soar just like Starbuck's did when you boycotted them.

Keep up the good work!  I hear that your other boycotts have been so successful in increasing profits for the businesses that you Target (get it? Target?) that they're all like PLEASE BOYCOTT US MOMMIES! PLEASE? PLEASE? I love it.

BTW, did you know that the companies who design and build the computer hardware and software you're using also embrace EQUALITY? How soon can we expect a statement that you've destroyed all your computers and have gone back to using a tools more suited to your Bronze Age mentality, like stone tablets and smoke signals?

I do have one other question for you: what's it like to live a life so consumed with hate for your fellow human beings that you're blinded to anything else?  And don't give me that "hate the sin but love the sinner" bullshit. Based on recent public statements by some of your fellow "Christians," it's clear you don't just want to prevent gays from participating in the full rights and responsibilities of United States citizens; you want us dead.

Hitler had the same idea about the Jews.

"Oh, but that was different…"

No it wasn't. It was HATE, pure and simple. And you and your cronies are the face of it in these early years of the 21st Century. Think about that.

Well-known hate group leader Tony Perkins hopes Dan Savage will see the light and embrace Christ as his Savior. He even prays for it.

"I would put out this challenge to folks who are listening: to put Dan Savage on the top of your prayer list and pray for him because I believe he has the potential to be a modern day Saul of Tarsus. I mean, just think if the Lord got a hold of his heart and changed him and turned him from persecuting Christians to being an advocate of Christianity and morality, what a huge impact that would have. So don't get angry at Dan Savage; he's doing what people do when they're lost. Pray for him that he would see the light, be blinded by the light, and come to know Christ as his personal savior."

Dan responds:

"Oh, Tony. If quoting their own scriptures to Christians amounts to 'persecuting Christians,' then every Baptist minister in the country is guilty of persecuting Christians. And Saul of Tarsus? That would be Paul, of course, author of huge chunks of the New Testament and the creep responsible for its most misogynistic and homophobic bits. (Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality, and Jesus never asked his mother or Mary Magdalene to 'keep silent.')

"Paul was a tortured closet case, which is the kind of Christian I would have to be to meet with the approval of someone like Tony Perkins. You know, a Christian in the style of Marcus Bachmann or Ted Haggard or Benedict XVI. And let's not forget what 'I'll pray for you' means someone like Perkins says it:

"Everyone knows, 'I'll pray for you,' is how Baptists say, 'Fuck you.'

"Fuck you too, Tony"

Parking is hard!!!

This was posted by a friend on Facebook:

TRUE STORY: I ran into an acquaintance at the grocery story today that I hadn't seen in several years. Somehow she got onto the subject of politcs and said, "President Obama just wants to make everything in this country Socialist, example: that Obamacare." I looked at her and asked, "Didn't you move into that Senior Federally funded low-rent housing a few years ago, aren't you on Medicare (she's 74), and you just used your food stamp card to pay for groceries – those are all "Socialist programs." She replied, "That's different!" I asked her how is that different, and she just looked at me, huffed and said, "You're just a liberal!" and walked away. Hmmmmm.

This is the image that immediately came to mind:

"Does not compute…DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!"