Category: Beating Back the St00pid

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Daughterfucking Madness, Friday Edition

Little Donny Fuckface knows more about being a greedy, corrupt sleazebag than all the other greedy, corrupt sleazebags put together.

just look what he’s been up to lately: Qatar gave Donny his very own $400 million vulgar flying bordello — in return for favors. Bone Saw Arabia gave him a bag of burgers — in return for favors. Syria promised he could build a gaudy tower in Damascus — in return for favors. Serbia, too, is getting in on the golden tower game — can you guess why?

and last night, 220 winners of the Who Can Give Donny The Most Money Contest got to have dinner with Dear Leader.

Mr. Trump and his business partners organized the dinner to promote sales of his $TRUMP cryptocurrency, a memecoin launched just days before Mr. Trump’s inauguration. A memecoin is a type of digital currency tied to an online joke or mascot; it typically has no function beyond speculation. But Mr. Trump’s coins have become a vehicle for investors, including many foreigners, to funnel money to his family.

it’s fucking stunning how shameless this grift is. when you buy one of Donny’s ‘memecoins,’ you’re not buying anything tangible. it has no value. it’s not even an investment. no one expects its price to increase.

Its price peaked at $75 in January before plummeting to less than $8 in April – it was trading at around $12.50 at the time of writing.

it’s simply a way to funnel money straight into Donny’s pockets — and here’s the beauty part: it’s anonymous. no one knows who these ‘investors’ are. they could be CEOs looking to curry favor. they could be foreign countries seeking tariff breaks. we have no fucking clue.

“Its only function is to make money for the Trump family crypto empire,” CNN business journalist Allison Morrow said of the meme coin.

“We don’t know their identities. And that’s partly because crypto is anonymous by design. You can’t quite track crypto wallets all the way back to the individual or to the entity that gave the money,” she continued.

cranking the greed dial way past eleven, Donny held a Who Can Give Me The Most Money Contest to reward ‘investors’ who bought the most memecoins.

last night, the top 220 shovelers-of-cash-into-Donny’s-pocket got to have dinner at his Virginia golf motel — and today, the top 25 shovelers will get a personal tour of the White House.

here’s what we know about what went on last night: fuck-all.

you want to know who attended Donny’s corruptionpalooza? fuck you, that’s their names.

you want to know what countries they came from? fuck you, that’s where they live.

you want to know how much Donny personally profited off of each attendee? fuck you, that’s how much.

here’s the only thing we do know: that Donny is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Be Corrupt, because reasons

reporter: ‘on the president’s dinner tonight, will the White House commit to making a list of the attendees public so people can see who’s paying for that kind of access to the president?’

Karoline Leavitt: “the president is attending it in his personal time.”

oh, his personal time. Donny’s off the clock — so everyone wondering exactly what kind of corruption is being perpetrated right under our noses can go fuck themselves, am I understanding this correctly?

I have a question. between golfing and watching himself on TV and jamming burgers down his gullet and babysitting Elon’s kid, the Crown Prince Snotwiper, when is Donny actually on the clock?

it is that one hour a day around 3pm when the laziest fuck on the planet finally waddles into the Oval Office to sign some executive order about how everyone at Harvard has to wear their underpants on their head? is that when Donny’s officially presidenting, and can’t be openly soliciting bribes?

let’s recap where we are: the Supreme Court says that when Dear Leader is presidening, he’s a Very Special Boy Who Can Break All The Laws, because immunity, and Karoline Lie-vitt says that when Donny isn’t presidenting, he’s still a Very Special Boy Who Can Break All The Laws — because it’s his personal time.

isn’t that special?

oh look! CNN stopped sniffing up Joe Biden’s pantleg long enough to actually commit a journalism. they tracked down White House Energy Vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett and asked him pointed questions about all this corrupt fuckery.

CNN: ‘Trump is gonna host hundreds of people who have purchased millions in his memecoin at the White House. today, you heard the press secretary Karoline Leavitt say that he’s doing this on his personal time at his private club — but tomorrow, the top 25 people who spent the most money on his memecoin are eligible for a private tour of the White House. are you comfortable with this dinner and these tours, which are likely to go to wealthy foreigners?”

Hassett: “everything the president done has been carefully scrutinized by White House counsel and they’ve given him the guidance that that’s okay, and that’s enough for me.”

oh, the White House Counsel — the guy Donny hand-picked from his own team of ace parking garage lawyers to be a yes-man and rubber-stamp everything Donny wants to do — said it’s okay. well, that changes everything. I feel so much better about all this corruption, now that Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett has explained that.

it’s all so shameless. everyone in the White House knows exactly what’s going on, and they’re all lying about it right to our faces.

Donny and his overgrown failsons are openly corrupt, and they don’t give a crusty fuck who knows it. one of Cokey McSniffles’ advisors actually said this in so many words.

Arthur Schwartz, an adviser to Don Jr., downplayed his influence in the White House but declined to respond in greater detail when asked whether his activities create ethical problems. “Write your ridiculous story. Literally no one cares,” Schwartz said via text. “We don’t actually give a fuck.”

because, seriously, who’s going to stop them? certianly, none of the spineless shitweasels in the Republican party.

and now, here’s your daily dose of batshit — and before we get into it, I want to caution you that listening to this clip of President Pudding Cup may actually make you stupider.

so, please take that into consideration. ready?

“they will fight the drug companies. the drug companies are very worried that they’re gonna fight, and that’s okay. if they fight, we’ll just say, ‘that’s ok, we’re not gonna let you sell any more cars into the United States or we’re not gonna let you sell any more wine or liquor or alcohol’ or something that’s actually way more important to them than the drugs.”

yeah, that’ll show those drug companies. no more car or liquor sales for you.

I wonder if one of the worthless scribblers might like to take some time from their months-long obsession with figuring out exactly how old Joe Biden is, and check out the current occupant of the White House.

Donny’s brain has dripped out of his ears to the point where no one can even decipher what he’s yammering about. doesn’t that sound like something worth investigating?

I thought so.

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Wednesday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

‘because fuck you, that’s why,’ helpfully explains ICE Barbie

how does this ninny not know what habeas corpus is?

Kristi Noem — concentration-camp-selfie enthusiast and darling of the puppy-perforating set — was Capitol Hill yesterday, to do some performative jack-assery about why the Department of Homeland Security needs its budget set sky-high for 2026.

airfare and wardrobe for weekly prison-guard-cosplay photo-ops down in El Salvador doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

Democratic Senator Maggie Hassan had a question for Noem: ‘what is habeas corpus?’

let’s gaze in awe as Kristi takes careful aim and shoots the Constitution square in the face.

“habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country.”

bzzzzzt! sorry, no — not even close.

Senator Hassen, would you like correct our confused cosplayer?

“habeas corpus is the legal principle that requires that the government provide a public reason for detaining and imprisoning people. if not for that protection, the government could simply arrest people, including American citizens, and hold them indefinitely for no reason. habeas corpus is the foundational right that separates free societies like America from police states like North Korea.”

oh, huh. then it doesn’t mean that Dear Leader can eighty-six whoever he wants? oopsies!

how the fuck could Noem get that wrong? there are three possible explanations for why Kristi answered as she did — none of them good.

the first is that Kristi has no idea what habeas is, and just blurted out the first thing that popped into her vacant skull.

the second is that Kristi actually believes the answer she gave — because morons gonna moron.

the third — and scariest — possibility is that Noem knows full well what habeas corpus is, but deliberately gave a wrong answer — because fuck you, that’s why. how dare you question Kristi the All-Powerful? do you want to live out the rest of your days in a Salvadoran slave-labor gulag? no? then shut the fuck up.

Little Donny Fuckface was also on Capitol Hill yesterday, to rally support for his ‘big beautiful bill’ that chainsaws social programs to the bone, in order to finance another round of massive tax cuts for our oligarch overlords.

a reporter had a pretty decent question for Donny: “you campaigned on lowering the price of groceries. how can you justify cutting food assistance in this bill?”

Preznit Fuckbrain’s answer was one for the ages.

“the cut is gonna give everybody much more food.”

huh?

I know I’ve been saying this for years, but it’s never stopped being true: the first reporter to stand up and ask “what the fuck is wrong with you” should get a lifetime Pulitzer.

Donny goes on tell a bunch of lies about how the price of food is already down because of of his amazing job of presidenting the shit out of the economy. (spoiler alert: no it isn’t, and no has hasn’t.)

Donny doesn’t have an answer to why are you cutting aid to the poor, because coming up with one would require an attention span — and Donny’s mind has already drifted off to thinking about how the Saudis gave me my own mobile McDonald’s. that was so cool, why can’t Mike Johnson do that when I come to the House. mmmm, burgers.

n place of an actual answer, Donny starts making mouth-noises about how everyone’s going to have so much food, you’re going to get tired of all the food.

or course, the real answer to “why are Republicans cutting food assistance to the people who need it most,” is because fuck you, that’s why.

if The Poors didn’t want their social safety net taken away from them, then they should have given Dear Leader a vulgar flying bordello, like Qatar’s royal family did. that’s the kind of shit that opens doors. for fuck’s sake, Poors, show some initiative. don’t you know how the game is played in Donny Convict’s Washington?

no wonder you lazy slugs are all hungry.

“in March, you boasted about revoking student visas, saying, and I’m quoting, ‘we do it every day. every time I find one of these lunatics, I take away their visa,’ unquote. let’s look at one of those ‘lunatics,’ Mr. Secretary. Ms. Öztürk. her crime was co-authoring an op-ed in her college paper critical of Tufts University’s response to the war in Gaza. your own department found zero links to terrorism, no antisemitic statements, but you still yanked her visa and shipped her off to detention in Louisiana. and the list goes on and on.

“the federal judge in the case of Mohsen Madawi, who was the Columbia student who was ambushed by federal agents at his citizenship appointment, said, and I quote, this is the judge, ‘legal residents not charged with crimes or misconduct are being arrested and threatened with deportation for stating their views on the political issues of the day. our nation has seen times like this before, especially during the Red Scare and Palmer Raids.’

“like the McCarthy-era witch hunts of the 1950s, your campaign of fear and repression is eating away at foundational values for democracy. back then, it took one voice—Attorney Joseph Welch—to cut through the hysteria with the simple question that marked the beginning of the end of that shameful era: ‘Senator McCarthy, have you no sense of decency?’

”I would ask you the same, Secretary Rubio. you have shown through your words and actions what the answer is. I have to tell you directly and personally that I regret voting for you for Secretary of State.”

now, let’s allow Marco Rubio to show everyone what a ginormous asshole he is. here’s his response to Senator Van Hollen’s tongue-lashing.

“your regret for voting for me confirms I’m doing a good job.”

what an arrogant prick. go fuck yourself, Liddle Marco.

lastly, here’s your daily dose of What the Actual Fuck.

Nancy Mace has become the Lauren Boebert of Marjorie Taylor Greenes. Nance is mad as hell, and she’s brought her own visual aids.

some context: Nancy’s stunt was to ostensibly raise awareness of revenge-porn, which Mace claims to be a victim of — and make no mistake, revenge porn is a serious issue, and the people who disseminate it are scumbags who need to face consequences.

but set that aside for a moment. how starved for attention does one have to be, to be constantly drawing attention to one’s own body?

look, Nancy — nude photos have no place in a House committee room. unless, of course, the photos are of Hunter Biden’s freakishly-oversized trouser hog.

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Tuesday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

rejoice, America! Dear Leader’s gonna lower the price of the ‘fat shot drug’

what the fuck is Donny gibbering about?

yesterday at the White House, a bewildered old man in obvious cognitive decline somehow wandered in off the street. the Secret Service must have taken pity on the pathetic old coot, because they did nothing to stop him as he shuffled into the Oval Office and started free-associating into the microphone.

“I’ll tell you a story, a friend of mine who’s a business…man, very very very top guy, most of you would have heard of him. highly neurotic. brilliant businessman. uh, seriously overweight. and he takes the fat— the fat shot…drug. and he called me up, and he said, uh, president— he calls me president, he used to call me Donald, now he calls me president, so that’s nice respect, but he’s a rough guy, smart guy. very successful, very rich. I wouldn’t even know how he would know this but, ’cause he’s got comments, ‘uh president, could I ask you a question?’ I said what. ‘I’m in London and I just paid for this damned fat drug I take.’ I said ‘it’s not working.’ he said, he said, ‘I just paid eighty-eight dollars and in New York I paid thirteen hundred dollars, what the hell is going on?’”

what the fuck was that?

are you telling me that was the actual president of the United States up there, gibbering like a lunatic?

that was the kind of disjointed tale your demented granddad might fart out at the dinner table, right before falling asleep face down in his mashed potatoes.

what we got is a variation of the classic “sir story,” where Donny typically meets up with some fictional blue collar dude who bursts into tears of gratitude upon getting to meet Dear Leader.

now we have a “president story,” where Donny is apparently besties with Jabba the Billionaire, some ‘very very very top guy’ who evidently tips the scales at over a fucking ton.

Jabba’s dealing with his weight issues by mainlining what Donny calls ‘the fat shot drug.’

Donny’s no doubt talking about Ozempic, right? he’s reading off prepared notes, so why doesn’t he just say that? I guess that Dear Leader is so illiterate that when his eyes got to a word that began with ‘ozy,’ his brain seized up and his panicked mouth had to hastily improvise ‘the fat shot drug.’

nice bit of fat-shaming, too, with ‘I said it’s not working.’

‘bro, you’re a fucking whale’ is a pile of stones that President Glass House definitely shouldn’t be throwing at anyone.

but I digress.

Donny had called that press conference in order to announce his latest and awesomest executive order, one in which he was going to lower the prices of all prescription drugs by at least a skillionty percent, and maybe even more.

nice bit of Sewer Clown Theater, too, with Donny flanked by fake-diet-pill-scammer Dr. Oz, and heath nut Bobby Brainworms Jr, who was just back from taking his grandkids for a healthy swim in a bacteria-infected creek.

how does Donny imagine he’s going to accomplish these lower costs? apparently by demanding real hard — because (let’s say it one more time) executive orders are not laws.

Executive orders are issued from the executive branch of the government, specifically the U.S. President. An executive order is not a law in the sense that it does not go through the legislative process. It is not binding on everyone, only on employees of the executive branch.

last time I looked, multinational pharmaceutical conglomerates are not part of the US executive branch — so Big Pharma can pretty much tell Donny to piss straight up a rope, and he can’t do shit about it.

Donny’s insistence that he can lower drug costs through kingly fiat is so nonsensical that even The New York Times had no choice but to commit a journalism and point out that Dear Leader was blowing smoke up an entire nation’s ass.

President Trump on Monday signed an executive order asking drugmakers to voluntarily reduce the prices of key medicines in the United States.

But the order cites no obvious legal authority to mandate lower prices.

the order cites no legal authority, because Donny has no legal authority.

let’s back up and take a look at the larger context: there shouldn’t have been any need for Donny to issue his idiotic order in the first place — because if Donny had just done nothing at all, we would already have lower drug prices.

in August of last year, the Biden administration announced that they were lowering the prices on prescription drugs.

how did Team Biden accomplish this? by negotiating with drug makers.

HHS has reached agreements with all participating manufacturers on new negotiated, lower drug prices for the first 10 drugs selected for the Medicare drug price negotiation program.

cool deal, right? not bad for the guy who got hounded out of the presidential race for being icky and old and probably already dead.

hey, you’ll never guess what Mad King Donny did on the VERY FIRST DAY of his second reign: he look one look at those lowered drug prices and said fuck that shit and fuck it hard.

On Monday, Trump signed a sweeping order aimed in part at reversing several Biden administration executive orders on health care, including efforts to lower the cost of prescription drugs for people on Medicare and Medicaid, enhancing the Affordable Care Act and increasing protections for Medicaid enrollees. The so-called initial rescissions order, according to the Trump White House, is aimed at Biden policies that it says are “deeply unpopular” and “radical.”

why would Donny deliberately screw over the American public like that? say it with me: because fuck you, that’s why.

so now, four months later, Donny’s got a cunning plan to bring drug prices back down to where they already would have been if only he had just done nothing.

here’s a question: Donny’s supposed to be the greatest deal-maker of all time, right? so why didn’t he just negotiate with the drug makers, like Sleepy Joe Brandon did?

because kings don’t negotiate, duh! they just break shit they don’t understand, and then pretend to fix it.

you’re welcome, peons.

can someone please develop a ‘smart shot drug’ and jab it into Dear Leader’s ass? please?

here are your heroes of the day: this group of high school students on a field trip to the US Capitol. they had a very important question for GOP Rep. Brian Jack:

“why is Trump so orange?”

and now, through the magic of the internet, we can reveal why.

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Monday Morning Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

what kind of shithole country allows its president to accept ginormous bribes

Donny’s gifted his very own jet — and gets to keep it

remember that beady-eyed clown-college reject, Comer Fudd? remember how he squandered four entire years tying to catch that wascally wabbit, Bugs Biden?

Comer Fudd was so convinced that the so-called “Biden crime family” had taken a five million dollar bribe from China that he wasted everyone’s time on one pointless hearing after another — and the only thing he ever found was Hunter Biden’s freakishly oversized trouser snake.

where the fuck is James Comer now? has anyone seen him lately? because at this very moment, we’ve got an actual corrupt president enriching himself off easily-provable bribes from foreign actors — and all we’re hearing from Republicans is crickets.

look at this flagrant in-your-face bullshit.

The Trump administration plans to accept a luxury Boeing 747-8 plane as a donation from the Qatari royal family that will be upgraded to serve as Air Force One, which would make it one of the biggest foreign gifts ever received by the U.S. government, several American officials with knowledge of the matter said.

that’s right: you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, and Donny gets his very own private jet worth four hundred million dollars — because fuck you, that’s why.

Donny’s getting a new Air Force One because he absolutely loathes the current one. he’s been whining about it for years. he thinks it’s a shithole. why? because there’s no tacky gold crappery in sight. it’s just some ordinary fucking airplane. how boring, and how unbefitting of the self-styled Pope-Emperor of America.

so here comes the Qatari royal family, and they’re all hey Donny. we’ve got a big Boeing jet, just for you. you’ll love it — it’s packed to the gills with gaudy golden tat. here, it’s yours. out of the goodness of our hearts.

Donny’s been pining after this vulgar flying bordello since forever.

It’s bigger and newer than Air Force One — and so opulently configured that it’s known as “a flying palace.” (No report on whether it contains a golden toilet.)

Apparently he’s been talking about the plane for months. In February, he toured it while it was parked at Palm Beach International Airport.

here’s a fun quiz: when is an Air Force One not actually an Air Force One? give up? it’s when all protocols for accepting presidential gifts are ignored.

The Constitution (Article I, Section 9) prohibits anyone in the US Government from receiving a personal gift from a foreign head of state without the consent of Congress.

this garish jet not a gift to America. it’s a personal gift to Donny Convict. the short-fingered fuck gets to keep it when his nightmarish time in office finally comes to an end.

The plane would then be donated to President Trump’s presidential library when he leaves office, two senior officials said. Such a gift raises the possibility that Mr. Trump would have use of the plane even after his presidency ends.

“donated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. way to greedwash naked corruption, New York Times.

“Trump’s presidential library” — what a laugh. Donny doesn’t need a ‘presidential library’ — the illiterate shitwad doesn’t read. what’s going to be in Donny’s library? a well-thumbed stack of golf scorecards and boxes of pilfered classified documents?

it’s embarrassing that the leader of our country is such an easily-bribed child. just wave some gold-painted piece of shit in his face and he comes running.

if you went to any Hollywood studio and pitched a movie about some gold-obsessed halfwit boy-king who went around accepting bribes — and got away with it — they’d throw you out of the office, because who would believe such obvious twaddle?

yet, here we are with Golden Donny, the greedy dumbfuck who’s tarted up the Oval worse than some Las Vegas dog’s breakfast.

so, what is Qatar getting in return?

any fucking thing it wants — because that’s how the game is played in Donnyville. one hand washes the other.

This week Trump takes the first overseas trip of his second presidency. He’ll land in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday, followed by a visit to Qatar, and then to the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E).

That’s a big boost for Qatar right there.

Trump also just did what Qatar has been wanting done for years — announcing that the Persian Gulf (as it’s been known since at least 550 B.C.) will henceforth be known as the Arabian Gulf.

Trump’s company has just announced a new golf resort in Qatar, reportedly partnering with a company owned by the royal family.

Qatar is also pushing the Trump regime to lift sanctions on Syria.

just what the world needs, another skeevy golf motel — and since when does Donny get to rename any body of water he wants? who granted him this power?

I don’t recall the Supreme Court ruling that Donny is a Very Special Boy who gets to sharpie the shit out of the globe, do you?

so where are all the congressional investigations? imagine that Sleepy Joe Brandon had accepted some $400 million flying abomination. Comer Fudd would have ogasmed on the spot. he would have thought he had died and gone to heaven.

hello, Jimmy? are you there?

where is Attorney General Pam Bondi? oh wait, never mind.

US President-elect Donald Trump’s new pick for US attorney general, Pam Bondi, worked as a lobbyist on behalf of the government of Qatar.

In July 2019, Bondi, a partner in the DC office of the powerful lobbying group Ballard Partners, was registered through the firm to influence Capitol Hill on human trafficking issues on behalf of the Gulf state for a fee of $115,000 per month.

but Uncle Jeff, I hear you asking, what if I want to bribe Dear Leader, but I’m not a member of a royal family with spare jets lying around?

no problem, pal — just “invest” in one of Donny’s crypto scams. all the cool countries are doing it.

are you in private industry? no worries, ace — Donny’s happy to take your money, too.

An international trucking logistics firm is buying as much as $20 million worth of President Donald Trump’s crypto coins to influence the administration’s trade policy — the precise sort of corruption that experts warned Trump was encouraging when he unveiled his venture.

Freight Technologies Inc. CEO Javier Selgas said in a Wednesday news release that buying Trump coin would be “an effective way to advocate for fair, balanced and free trade between Mexico and the U.S.”

it doesn’t even matter if the price of the crypto goes up or down — Donny’s raking in billions just on transaction fees alone.

hey, here’s a fun story that I’m including here for no particular reason.

In 1946, a group of Russian children from the Vladimir Lenin All-Union Pioneer Organisation (sort of a Soviet scouting group) presented a carved wooden replica of the Great Seal of the United States to Averell Harriman, the U.S. Ambassador to the Soviet Union.

The gift, a gesture of friendship to the USSR’s World War II ally, was hung in the ambassador’s official residence at Spaso House in Moscow. It stayed there on a wall in the study for seven years until, through accident and a ruse, the State Department discovered that the seal was more than a mere decoration.

It was a bug.

oh. huh.

so, how many hidden microphones are Qatari agents installing on that flying monstrosity even as I type this?

on the other hand, who needs hidden microphones, when Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand will happily add you to his Signal chat group? just hit him up, bro.

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The Week In Stupid

Courtesy Jeff Tiedrich:

Tuberville aces it, Nancy maces it, and so much more…

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: Tommy can you hear me?

failed coach Tommy Tuberville is a cautionary tale for why you should never play football without a helmet. let’s listen in as Terminally-Concussed Tommy speaks out in support of embattled Secretary of Defense Little Petey Drunkdial.

“Let’s be clear, Pete is not the problem. A lot of the media think Pete Hegseth’s a problem. he’s not the problem. he’s the solution to the problem we’ve had.”

sorry, what problem is Secretary of Defense Kegstand solving?

were there not enough piss-drunk embarrassments in the Pentagon?

was there some deficit of washed-out Fox News chat show hosts among the ranks of the military? too few reporters being texted war plans? not enough civilian spouses sitting in on classified meetings?

I’ll give Plastered Pete credit, he absolutely fucking nails all those problems.

tuesday: all hail the glorious accomplishments of … um

this week marked the hundredth day of Mad King Donny’s second reign, and Fox News was in a quandary: how do we put a positive spin on this dog’s breakfast of complete fucking calamity?

they couldn’t go with “Dear Leader shit on the Constitution and disappeared legal immigrants into a Salvadoran slave-labor gulag and also ‘deported’ a child with cancer who happens to be a US citizen, and oh hey, next week all the shelves in your supermarket are going to be empty because of the trade war” — because that shitfuckery is wildly unpopular, even with the Fox News crowd.

so what did Fox end up running with? this:

— declassified the JFK files
— ended federal support for paper straws
— ended production of the penny

oh man, that is … pathetic.

Fox left out renamed the ‘Gulf of Mexico’ to ‘Gulf of America’ — but maybe even that’s too embarrassing to list.

better luck next reign, bro. meanwhile, here’s Homer Simpson to play us out with some very sad trombone.

whomp-whomp.

wednesday: ai yi yi

oh look, the christofascist computer jockeys have been churning out more AI slop portraying their vision of the perfect American future. check out this nightmare fuel.

this abomination ticks all the boxes.

— a message up top instructing men to be productive, and women to be subservient.
— a white, impossibly blond couple sporting 1950s hairstyles and clothing.
— the missus is cradling her pregnant belly
— in the background is mid-20th-century suburban house.
— and there’s a smiling black man who is super fucking pumped to be doing menial tasks for whitey.

wait, what the fuck? what was that last one?

it’s the same old racist nonsense we’ve been hearing for decades. ‘black folks were a lot happier when they knew their place. they just love being subservient to their betters.’

let’s recall what that Duck Dynasty schmuck said back in 2013:

“They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: these doggone white people’—pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

that’s some Gone-With-the-Wind-level revisionist bullshit — only now it’s been updated for the 21st century, thanks to malignant assholes with access to AI.

seriously — they’re not even hiding it. check out this lunacy.

utter nonsense.

besides — everyone knows that the best-manicured lawns are mowed by a small boy being yelled at by a confused old man.

thursday: her pronouns are ‘stupid’ and ‘fucking idiot’

oh look, the Scarlet Moron has been flapping her ignorant gums for airtime again.

Nancy Mace: “it’s happening everywhere. first, it was the University of South Carolina with thirteen genders on a dorm application, and then I come to find out a few weeks later I was wrong. Clemson had fifteen genders — and none of the fifteen genders on their form had male or female. they had something like cisgender male, cisgender female — and I don’t even know what that means. that’s not science.”

“that’s not science.” what the fuck does this caterwauling ninny know about science? here’s a fun fact: even Google’s janky AI is smarter than Nancy Mace. here’s what it says about gender identity.

“There is no single definitive list of 15 genders. The concept of gender is fluid and diverse, encompassing a wide spectrum of identities. While some organizations and individuals may list specific genders, it’s important to recognize that people may identify with multiple genders or gender identities that don’t fit neatly into pre-defined categories.”

how about that? a fucking computer program has more empathy than the entirety of the Republican Party.

I’m afraid you’re a fucking idiot, Nancy

I did a find a set of fifteen gender identities by once again using the Big Google Machine:

Agender, Androgyne, Bigender, Cisgender, Genderfluid, Gender-nonconforming, Genderqueer, Intergender, Intersex, Omnigender, Non-binary, Questioning, Transgender, Transsexual, Two-spirit

so, is Clemson using this exact list on its dorm application, or is Nancy Mace just cynically creating a manufactroversy? I don’t know, and who fucking cares if Clemson does? it’s nobody’s business.

what I do know is that Nancy Mace is a broken-inside fuckwit with an unceasing need for attention that can only be described as pathological.

Nancy needs you to know that there are two very big reasons to look at her right now.
hey, here’s a cool quote. see if you can guess who said it.

“I strongly support LGBTQ rights and equality. No one should be discriminated against.”

“I have friends and family that identify as LGBTQ. Understanding how they feel and how they’ve been treated is important. Having been around gay, lesbian, and transgender people has informed my opinion over my lifetime.”

that was Nancy Fucking Mace, back in 2021 — right after she’d been elected to the House by running on a platform of inclusivity.

but all that silly shit about tolerance has been swept under the rug — because Nancy discovered that she could get a lot more face-time on Newsmax by transitioning into a hateful asshole.

friday: from the mouths of babes

hey, Texas State Rep. Nate Schatzline — why did you run for office?

“what got me involved was I was out on a prayer run one day. I was praying for my students, for our church, and about that time, I heard the sound of a baby crying. I took out my headphones, I look around — I was in the desert, we lived in California at the time, and now we’re back in God’s country, in Texas — I looked around and I couldn’t find anything. so I kept jogging. about a mile later I heard the same baby crying — and all of a sudden the holy spirit spoke to my heart, and said ‘that’s the sound of the unborn that are going to die if you don’t run for office and protect the unborn.’”

seriously, bro? that’s what we’re going with?

listen — I hear a baby crying, too. it’s the Baby Jesus. I’m on the phone with the Baby Jesus right now, and he’s telling me you’re full of shit, and your fever-swamp fairy tale never happened.

oh, and you know what else the Baby Jesus is saying? that you need to stop being a reckless shitweasel and get your children vaccinated already.

that’s right, Nate lives right in the heart of Measles Alley, and he hasn’t vaccinated any of his spawn — because fuck you, science.

The next day, Texas State Rep. Nate Schatzline posted his own video, adding that his children attend Mercy Culture.

“I’ve gotten word that my children’s school has been ranked the #1 most unvaccinated school in Texas & I’m upset…that we haven’t celebrated sooner!” Schatzline wrote in the accompanying text.

maybe stop hallucinating about the ‘unborn’ and start doing something for the actually born.

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I Couldn’t Have Said It Better

In response to a Reddit post relaying Felon45’s bad, very unpleasant day in court:

Comment
byu/theindependentonline from discussion
inlaw

Here is the text, in case it disappears from the source at some point:

I mean that’s really just the heart of it.

The entire conservative movement, as it is, based on the things that they do and say, is based on ignorance and lies. There is no element of it that isn’t fundamentally wrong at the deepest level.

And not just on an effective policy level, but on a legal level and on a basic, fundamental, scientific-laws-of-reality level.

That’s why they’ve tried to stack the judiciary and the courts. That’s why they attack institutions of learning, and of scientific research, and that’s why they need to have a massive propaganda network across every media outlet, and that’s why they only keep getting nuttier and nuttier. They have severed all their mooring lines to reality and so they’ll just keep drifting in the abyss of batfuck nuttery forever.

Science offends them because their believes are contradicted by basic scientific evidence. And instead of doing the emotionally mature thing and reframing their understanding, they try to burn down the thing that makes them angry. Like fools.

They are to a great degree deeply immature and deeply emotionally volatile. Their social circles reinforce, rather than correct, these behaviors. They cannot handle any degree of social friction or embarrassment. They know no other way to exist besides social domination because they can’t compromise, can’t empathize, can’t tolerate the possibility they may not understand nearly as much about the world as they want to believe they do, so they double and triple down on forcing those fundamentally wrong views on everyone around them. They aggregate in a giant ignorant mob and burn books, take down websites, throw death threats at anything that contradicts them.

They’re the American Taliban, or any other band of zealous, power-hungry fools. A destructive movement based entirely on dominating everyone else around because they’re just too emotionally fragile to deal.

They’re wrong about trans people. Wrong about autistic and ADHD people, wrong about vaccines, wrong about basic principles of modern medical science, they’re wrong about global warming, they’re wrong about basic economic theory. They’re wrong about who makes a good, competent leader of a nation. They cannot look at a pants-shitting moron octogenarian rapist, fraud, and traitor, and accurately conclude that that is what he is, and that that temperament is disastrous when given any degree of power.

They’re wrong about fucking everything. I’m not talking about on an opinion level. I’m not talking about “well I disagree with your view on this”, they’re just wrong about fundamentally true things that we have proven through our entire corpus of scientific understanding.

So of course Trump’s tariffs crash the market. Of course his idiot EO on gender makes no fucking sense and legally turns all of us into women. Of course his supporters die in far greater numbers from COVID after he tells them not to mask and to swallow a bottle of horse dewormer.

Because they’re wrong. Because they make shit up, and it’s not fucking true, and it doesn’t fucking work and everyone has a bad time because you’re listening to, taking the advice of, and being legislated on behalf of, fucking idiots.

It’s just our great misfortune we have so many people in this country so totally divorced from reality that they’re willing to follow along with this sheer stupidity.

The heart of a nation is the law, and the heart of the law is the truth.

The entire process of the law is about determining, to the best of our ability to do so, what the truth is. Which persons did what actions. What did those persons believe and think at the time of those actions. What damage did those persons do, and what fundamental rights were violated in doing so?

That’s what the law is, at its core, and that is why the conservative party cannot, and indeed should not, ever govern.

The only thing they can do with power is destroy. They build nothing. Their entire endeavor is simply gaining, and retaining power. Not governing once they have it. Just breaking, and stealing, and lying, and cheating their way into more power.

To truly build through legislation requires an adherence to the truth. The absence of truth in law is corruption. Corruption doesn’t build, it only takes. It erodes. Supplanting truth with whatever ruling or outcome is most convenient to the rich and the powerful, at the expense of the rest of the nation.

In the past twenty years, conservatives have started two forever wars on a lie. They have spread constant and obvious lies about the climate. They have spread lies and conspiracy theories about their political opponents, about their own nature and intentions in power. About their fellow citizens. They have enshrined judges to the highest positions in the land who lied outright in their confirmation hearings and proved themselves a liar in contradictory and profoundly unconstitutional rulings.

They lie. They operate in bad faith. They con, and cheat, and grift, and seek power so that they can abuse power.

And you can tell me all you’d like that what the conservative party is now, isn’t “real” conservatism, but I don’t know what you’re talking about when you tell me you’re a “real” conservative. Regan? Back when he was banning guns because black people owned them, and lying about AIDS existing or being “caused” by gay people?

Conservatives have always been this. Dating back to the days they thought they could own people and force those people do to their labor. This is who they are, what they are. Obsessed with hierarchy. Obsessed with dominance. Too immature to deal with the world as clear-eyed adults, and dooming everyone around them because they refuse to come to grips with a reality that terrifies them.

We have given these fools power over and over and over again and they have destroyed, and they have stolen, and they have ruined. They are fools. Their words and their actions prove this so many times over, and the sooner the collective people of America come to grips with who and what these people are, the faster we can actually begin the road to undoing the damage their ignorance and stupidity and stubbornness and cruelty has done to the rest of us, and to the rest of the world, too.

EDIT: When I was three or four years old, somewhere around there, my parents were trying to teach me how to write the alphabet. I was very good, except at some point I became convinced that the letter “e” was written like “n”. I didn’t really have a reason to believe that, except that maybe I just got mixed up looking at a chart once and decided that was the way it was.

My parents were trying to teach me how to write my name – which ends in e – and I wrote it perfectly, except every time, I wrote ‘n’ at the end.

And they tried to tell me, very nicely, that that was not correct. It was written ‘e’, not ‘n’.

And the more they told me that, the angrier I became. They showed me the chart, and very clearly demonstrated that the letter was ‘e’. They showed me in books where people had my name, and showed me that it was written ‘e’ at the end.

They showed me incontrovertible proof that I was wrong in as nice a way as they possibly could.

So, I ripped up the paper and threw it at them. I told them I hated them and that they were stupid. I stormed into my room and I wouldn’t come out the rest of the night. I cursed them under my breath and threw a tantrum and hurled toys against the wall.

I didn’t have a concept on how wrong I was. I figured, hey, I got all the other letters right, who was to say I was wrong about this one? My parents? Pff. What did they know?

I was too young and too ignorant to understand how much more my parents knew than me. How limited my scope of understanding was.

I only had my own hurt feelings, my tiny baby pride, and I was desperate to protect it, to find a plausible lie to live in where I was right. It seemed plausible that I could be right, because I simply lacked the breadth of perspective and maturity and experience and wisdom to understand even how much I lacked. Dunning Krueger.

And this conservatives. This is the fundamental truth of them. This is who they are, what they are. This is the molten core that fuels everthing they do, and think and believe.

They live their entire lives like this, and conservatism, and Donald Trump, that is is their ‘n.’ The incontrovertible proof of how profoundly wrong they are which they refuse to let go of, because subconsciously they cannot bear the pain of admitting they were wrong. They cannot face it. They cannot face the torrent of shame, and guilt, and a lifetime of pigheadedness that waits behind the door of them reconciling themselves with reality.

The longer they remain in ignorance, the greater their debt to reality becomes. And they cannot pay it, cannot even read the total on the bill slipped under the door.

They have made it an integral part of their identity and have decided they would rather die inside the house than admit it is on fire. It is not congruent with reality, but they do not have the emotional maturity to change. To grow. So, they double down. And triple down.

For many of them, some part – a very small part – understands the bill is there on the floor near the door.

They don’t pick it up. Won’t pick it up. Many will never develop the emotional courage to admit that they are acting like irrational children too terrified to be wrong to begin redressing their grievous errors. Testimonies and interviews of people in post WWII Germany reveal that many of the common folk who voted for Hitler never admitted the magnitude of what they’d done. Never admitted their mistakes. Never fully reconciled with them.

But they know. And this is part of the reason they’re so miserable and angry all of the time. They live in cognitive dissonance, and are refusing to look at the light and find their way out.

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At This Point…

…I simply hear the phrase “youth pastor” and immediately think, “pedophile” and “Trump supporter.”