Category: Blatantly Unconstitutional

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Monday Madness

let’s be clear: Preznit Fuckwit needed a distraction. his tariff scheme went tits-up. everyone’s laughing at Taco Donny. Putin’s ignoring him. no one’s impressed with his vulgar flying bordello. his ‘big beautiful bill’ is a big beautiful clusterfuck. DOGE is a bust. his bromance with the Space Nazi has gone fuckity-bye.

the Mad King had to come up with something, anything, to make him feel better about his own worthless, failing self — and so he decided to go full fascist.

a lot of fucked-up shit went down this weekend in Los Angeles. let’s let California Governor Gavin Newsom sum up perfectly why the blame for all of it needs to land squarely on the Mad King’s shoulders.

“Let’s get this straight:
1) Local law enforcement didn’t need help.
2) Trump sent troops anyway — to manufacture chaos and violence.
3) Trump succeeded.
4) Now things are destabilized and we need to send in more law enforcement just to clean up Trump’s mess.”

let’s back this up one step further: none of this had to happen at all.

Donny’s ICE thugs strolled into downtown Los Angeles, looking to fuck shit up.

On Friday morning, federal agents from ICE, the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Drug Enforcement Administration conducted raids across Los Angeles, including at two Home Depots, a doughnut shop, and a clothing wholesaler, in search of workers they suspected of being undocumented immigrants.

got that? ICE went on a fishing expedition based on zero evidence. they invaded places of business. they targeted random brown people at locations where they were likely to be found. which, in Los Angeles, is everyfuckingwhere.

ICE went looking for trouble — and when they didn’t find any, they started some.

none of this was necessary.

it’s really weird how Joe Biden managed to deport undocumented migrants — in greater numbers than Donny — without shitting on the Constitution, without stomping all over human rights — and without disappearing cancer-stricken children who happen to be American citizens.

you know who else took care of immigration policy without fucking everything all to hell? Barack Obama. Bill Clinton. both Smirky Bush and Poppy Bush. Ronald Reagan. Jimmy Carter. Gerald Ford. on and on.

it’s only the Mad King who turned the simple task of managing the border into a five-alarm shithole nightmare. I guess that’s just a coincidence.

or maybe it’s that Donny is a racist chaos-junkie who gets off on violence. his lust for blood was so off the charts that he took a victory lap even before the National Guard arrived on the scene.

“Great job by the National Guard in Los Angeles after two days of violence, clashes and unrest … Again, thank you to the National Guard for a job well done!”

it cannot be stressed enough that Donny posted this about six hours before a single National Guard deployed in Los Angeles.

Donny needs you to believe that all of Los Angeles is a hellish, smoking ruin right now.

“A once great American City, Los Angeles, has been invaded and occupied by Illegal Aliens and Criminals. Now violent, insurrectionist mobs are swarming and attacking our Federal Agents to try and stop our deportation operations.”

none of that shit is true. Los Angeles hasn’t been ‘invaded’ or ‘occupied.’ violent mobs aren’t ‘swarming.’

do you know how many undocumented migrants were arrested by ICE after their Friday sweep of the city?

They arrested 121 people.

one hundred and twenty one people. in a city of 3.821 million. that’s not an invasion, nor an occupation. that’s a rounding error away from zero.

this isn’t the first time Donny’s pulled this “everything’s burning to the ground and only I can save it” bullshit. during the George Floyd protests in 2020, Donny never stopped beating the drum about how Portland, Oregon was a smoking ruin.

fact check: fuck straight off.

Portland’s fire department has a message for President Donald Trump: the whole city is not on fire.

At a Monday news conference, Trump claimed that protests in Portland have been so damaging that “the entire city is ablaze all the time.”

the Portland protests were confined to a small, downtown area — but Donny did such a good job of lying that to this day, there are cultists who will swear to you that the entire city of Portland remains a smoking pile of ashes.

and now the Mad King is doing it all over again with Los Angeles.

did you notice that Donny referred to the protestors as ‘insurrectionists’? that’s because words no longer have meanings in America.

here’s Nosferatu McGoebbels, joining the party and cranking the Orwell dial so far past eleven that it snaps off in his vampyric hand.

“An insurrection against the laws and sovereignty of the United States.”

and when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Pee Wee German, rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions.

yeah, no, jackass: protesting human rights violations is in no way an insurrection. do you really need a definition of an insurrection? here’s one: an insurrection is when you’re such a big fucking baby that you can’t deal with losing an election, and so you whip your deranged worshipers into a frenzy, and then send them off to storm the Capitol, beat the shit out of cops, and stop the certification of votes.

and while we’re on the subject of beating the shit out of cops —

“Hit a cop, you’re going to jail… doesn’t matter where you came from, how you got here, or what movement speaks to you. If the local police force won’t back our men and women on the thin blue line, we will.”

hey Krazee Eyes, what about these guys?

every single one of these cop-beating shitbags got pardoned by Dear Leader on his first day in office.

but wait — we’re not done with our Grand Tour of Sewer Clown Hypocrisy. I’m so old, I remember when a President deploying the National Guard was bad.

“if Joe Biden federalizes the National Guard, that would be a direct attack on states’ rights.”

that was ICE Barbie all the way back in 2024, when she was merely the puppy-perforating governor of South Dakota.

back then, Joe Biden was trying to prevent Texas’ sadistic governor, Greg Abbott, from using razor-wire booby traps to slice the shit out of border-crossing migrants.

hyperventilating Republicans had a message for Joe: deploying the National Guard would be a bridge too far, because states rights!

but now, when Dear Leader wants the Guard to patrol California, suddenly states’ rights are no longer an issue, because — well, frankly, I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s because reasons or because fuck you, that’s why. maybe it’s both.

meanwhile, Donny remains glued to the TV and rooting for bloodshed — in his own country. what kind of broken-inside fuck does that?

arrest the people wearing face masks? who, the ICE goons?

you know, I seem to remember someone warning us that all this would come to pass, if Donny were elected. I also remember that the media was all shut the fuck up, laughing lady.

“Kamala’s newest lie: Trump will send the army after you.”

uh-huh. tell me, is it a lie if something comes true?

the press is continuing to be no help at all.

got that? the Mad King isn’t using the laws of our land for toilet paper — he’s ‘charting new territory.’ thanks for clearing that up, LA Times.

Donny spent his entire first presidency chipping away at the Constitution. now he’s traded his chisel for a blowtorch — and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press are still treating Donny’s ever-quickening rush to fascism as if it were just some interesting variation on governance.

what are we even doing here, worthless scribblers?

stay angry.

stay safe.

and never lose your sense of humor.

Trump nearly falls flat on his face while struggling to walk up the steps to Air Force One today

[image or embed]

— MeidasTouch (@meidastouch.com) June 8, 2025 at 1:49 PM

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

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Thursday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

Donny Convict isn’t a corrupt piece of shit, and other Republican fairy tales

and The New York Times gives Dear Leader another free pass

n today’s episode of Bad Take Theater, we’re going to hear two from worthless Republicans and one dipshit New York Times reporter as they concoct fever-swamp fantasies about why Donny Convict’s blatant, in-your-face corruption isn’t actually corruption.

Missouri Senator Josh Hawley is the holder of the land speed record for Getting The Fuck Out of Here While Insurrectionists Are Insurrecting.

he’s also one of Donny’s chief apologists on Capitol Hill. his farcical explanation for why Dear Leader isn’t corrupt boils down to ‘what’s Donny need money for? he’s already got shitloads.’

Manu Raju: “what about this meme coin? when the price goes up, it helps his family.”

Josh Hawley: “well, listen. I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for.”

methinks Josh Hawley is trying to blow smoke up everyone’s ass.

let me put this in words simple enough to penetrate even the cultists’ thick skulls: Donny needs more money so he can win at having the most fucking money. it’s called greed. having ALL the money is the point.

for Donny Convict, no amount of anything is ever enough. that’s what being a profoundly damaged, bottomless swamp of need is all about.

there will never be sufficient money, power, or attention to fill the gaping hole where Donny’s soul is supposed to be. he’s fucking broken beyond repair — and now, the entire world must be made to suffer because of it.

let’s explore Josh’s ludicrous claim that ‘nobody believes Donny can be bought.’

here, watch this: everybody who knows Donny Convict can be bought, please raise your hand.

oh look, there’s the Emir of Qatar. he’s got his their hand up. he know Donny can be bought. it’s the whole reason he just handed him a vulgar flying bordello — and now Donny’s going down his list of demands, and checking them off one by one.

over there is the Saudi royal family. hands up, all of them. they’ve been lining Donny’s pockets for decades. they’ve been at the game so long that they already know Donny’s price: a bag of greaseburgers.

look who else has his hand up: Ahmed al-Sharaa, the president of Syria. all he had to do get Donny to drop sanctions was dangle the mere possibility of a Trump Tower in Damascus.

and that’s just in the last three days. so what the fuck are you gibbering about, Josh?

let’s move on to the guy who has been voted Most Useless Republican for three years running.

Holy Mike Johnson’s bad take is that corruption isn’t corruption if it’s done right out in the open.

reporter: “Mr. Speaker, you were very critical of President Biden and his family’s foreign business dealings and supported impeachment hearings. are you equally concerned about President Trump’s family’s business dealings as well, especially due to the fact that he’s in a region now where his family has billions of dollars of investments in Doha, and Saudi Arabia, and the fact that he has a crypto business now, where he’s auctioned off access to the White House for the highest bidder?”

Holy Mike [after first lying about Biden and his family]: “whatever President Trump is doing is out in the open. they’re not trying to conceal anything.”

fuck Holy Mike for expecting us to swallow his shit-sandwich.

here’s where Mike’s ridiculous assertion falls apart: for Donny, being openly corrupt is part of the game — because fuck you, that’s why. getting right in your face and daring you to do something about it is what makes corruption fun.

Donny knows that he doesn’t have to hide anything he does — because who’s going to hold him accountable? Congress? fuhgetaboutit. the Department of Justice? oh please. Krazee Eyes Ka$h Patel and Pam Bondi were installed to facilitate Donny’s crimes, not prosecute them. the Supreme Court? don’t make me laugh. they’re the shitwads who put the whole concept of I’m A Very Special Boy into Donny’s head in the first place.

who knows, maybe Chuck Schumer’s writing a strongly-worded letter. yeah, that’ll do it.

here’s something we have absolutely no fucking use for at all: a New York Times reporter explaining that corruption isn’t corruption according to a definition of corruption that he just pulled out of his ass.

“Corruption requires explicit quid pro quo. It is not corrupt to take an action that aligns with the interest of a person who gives you a gift, unless the official action was in direct response to that gift–a bribe. Terms matter. Accuracy and fairness matters. Regardless of what social media wants.”

got that? it’s not corruption unless Ahmed al-Sharaa writes a note that says ‘if I let you build a tower will you be my friend’ and passes it to the world leader at the next desk.

here’s why that definition fails:

Donny is a mob boss, and you’re never going to catch him in the act, because he doesn’t leave a paper trail.

that’s how it works. all the dirty work is done with a nod and a wink. here’s how Donny’s former fixer, Michael Cohen, explained it during House testimony in 2019:

“He doesn’t give you questions, he doesn’t give you orders,” Cohen said. “He speaks in a code, and I understand the code because I’ve been around him for a decade.”

Donny’s a two-bit gangster who learned his trade from two experts: his tyrant klansman father, and crooked lawyer Roy Cohn. here’s what they taught him:

don’t you ever fucking write anything down. that’s how you get caught.

and so Donny doesn’t write anything down. he doesn’t use email, he doesn’t text. he doesn’t leave a trail for smug NY Times reporters to uncover. all he does is brag about imaginary wins on his janky app.

that’s why we’re in this shithole mess: we have far too many worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media willing to give a filthy, corrupt mobster a benefit of the doubt that he has never earned.

here’s your hero of the day: Rep. Bennie Thompson. here’s how he opened his questioning of ICE Barbie yesterday.

“Secretary Noem, I’m glad you found time among your many photo ops and costume changes to testify about why President Trump is seeking more taxpayer dollars and what you plan to do with that money, if you get it.”

fuck yeah.

Donny’s Sewer Clowns are unserious, unqualified people who have been given way too much power over our lives, and we must never stop mocking them, any way we can.