Category: Decline and Fall of the United States

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I've Been Busy

Gotta do what I've gotta do to remain sane in this felon-induced dystopian hellscape that seems to grow worse—and frankly, more absurd—with each passing day. This isn't just a glitch in the matrix any longer; it's fully metastasized  into a never-ending series of cascading failures.

Ben and I were talking about this today and we both came to the unpleasant  realization that even if the Orange Russian Daughterfucker were to drop dead tomorrow, the damage that's he and his minions have done in the last five months will take years—if not decades—to repair, and in all likelihood we'll both be dead long before the fabric of our democracy is fully repaired.

So I retreat into blogging, YouTube stereo equipment repair videos, and of course my MiniDisc obsession. Ben immerses himself in Tik-Tok, Ru Paul's Drag Race, and YouTube cooking videos—just to get some respite from the fact that orange anus-for-a-mouth is living rent free in our—and the rest of the world's—heads 24/7.

Every morning my first thoughts upon waking is, "We're still here. At least he didn't start World War III overnight. Is he dead yet? If not, what did he do to further destroy the country since last night?"

So you'll forgive me if I get a little obsessed with my weird, obsolete little hobby. It brings me joy, and there's precious little of that in the world these days.

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Wednesday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

'because fuck you, that's why,' helpfully explains ICE Barbie

how does this ninny not know what habeas corpus is?

Kristi Noem — concentration-camp-selfie enthusiast and darling of the puppy-perforating set — was Capitol Hill yesterday, to do some performative jack-assery about why the Department of Homeland Security needs its budget set sky-high for 2026.

airfare and wardrobe for weekly prison-guard-cosplay photo-ops down in El Salvador doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Democratic Senator Maggie Hassan had a question for Noem: 'what is habeas corpus?'

let's gaze in awe as Kristi takes careful aim and shoots the Constitution square in the face.

"habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country."

bzzzzzt! sorry, no — not even close.

Senator Hassen, would you like correct our confused cosplayer?

"habeas corpus is the legal principle that requires that the government provide a public reason for detaining and imprisoning people. if not for that protection, the government could simply arrest people, including American citizens, and hold them indefinitely for no reason. habeas corpus is the foundational right that separates free societies like America from police states like North Korea."

oh, huh. then it doesn't mean that Dear Leader can eighty-six whoever he wants? oopsies!

how the fuck could Noem get that wrong? there are three possible explanations for why Kristi answered as she did — none of them good.

the first is that Kristi has no idea what habeas is, and just blurted out the first thing that popped into her vacant skull.

the second is that Kristi actually believes the answer she gave — because morons gonna moron.

the third — and scariest — possibility is that Noem knows full well what habeas corpus is, but deliberately gave a wrong answer — because fuck you, that's why. how dare you question Kristi the All-Powerful? do you want to live out the rest of your days in a Salvadoran slave-labor gulag? no? then shut the fuck up.

Little Donny Fuckface was also on Capitol Hill yesterday, to rally support for his 'big beautiful bill' that chainsaws social programs to the bone, in order to finance another round of massive tax cuts for our oligarch overlords.

a reporter had a pretty decent question for Donny: "you campaigned on lowering the price of groceries. how can you justify cutting food assistance in this bill?"

Preznit Fuckbrain's answer was one for the ages.

"the cut is gonna give everybody much more food."

huh?

I know I've been saying this for years, but it's never stopped being true: the first reporter to stand up and ask "what the fuck is wrong with you" should get a lifetime Pulitzer.

Donny goes on tell a bunch of lies about how the price of food is already down because of of his amazing job of presidenting the shit out of the economy. (spoiler alert: no it isn't, and no has hasn't.)

Donny doesn't have an answer to why are you cutting aid to the poor, because coming up with one would require an attention span — and Donny's mind has already drifted off to thinking about how the Saudis gave me my own mobile McDonald's. that was so cool, why can't Mike Johnson do that when I come to the House. mmmm, burgers.

n place of an actual answer, Donny starts making mouth-noises about how everyone's going to have so much food, you're going to get tired of all the food.

or course, the real answer to "why are Republicans cutting food assistance to the people who need it most," is because fuck you, that's why.

if The Poors didn't want their social safety net taken away from them, then they should have given Dear Leader a vulgar flying bordello, like Qatar's royal family did. that's the kind of shit that opens doors. for fuck's sake, Poors, show some initiative. don't you know how the game is played in Donny Convict's Washington?

no wonder you lazy slugs are all hungry.

"in March, you boasted about revoking student visas, saying, and I'm quoting, 'we do it every day. every time I find one of these lunatics, I take away their visa,' unquote. let's look at one of those 'lunatics,' Mr. Secretary. Ms. Öztürk. her crime was co-authoring an op-ed in her college paper critical of Tufts University's response to the war in Gaza. your own department found zero links to terrorism, no antisemitic statements, but you still yanked her visa and shipped her off to detention in Louisiana. and the list goes on and on.

"the federal judge in the case of Mohsen Madawi, who was the Columbia student who was ambushed by federal agents at his citizenship appointment, said, and I quote, this is the judge, 'legal residents not charged with crimes or misconduct are being arrested and threatened with deportation for stating their views on the political issues of the day. our nation has seen times like this before, especially during the Red Scare and Palmer Raids.'

"like the McCarthy-era witch hunts of the 1950s, your campaign of fear and repression is eating away at foundational values for democracy. back then, it took one voice—Attorney Joseph Welch—to cut through the hysteria with the simple question that marked the beginning of the end of that shameful era: 'Senator McCarthy, have you no sense of decency?'

"I would ask you the same, Secretary Rubio. you have shown through your words and actions what the answer is. I have to tell you directly and personally that I regret voting for you for Secretary of State."

now, let's allow Marco Rubio to show everyone what a ginormous asshole he is. here's his response to Senator Van Hollen's tongue-lashing.

"your regret for voting for me confirms I'm doing a good job."

what an arrogant prick. go fuck yourself, Liddle Marco.

lastly, here's your daily dose of What the Actual Fuck.

Nancy Mace has become the Lauren Boebert of Marjorie Taylor Greenes. Nance is mad as hell, and she's brought her own visual aids.

some context: Nancy's stunt was to ostensibly raise awareness of revenge-porn, which Mace claims to be a victim of — and make no mistake, revenge porn is a serious issue, and the people who disseminate it are scumbags who need to face consequences.

but set that aside for a moment. how starved for attention does one have to be, to be constantly drawing attention to one's own body?

look, Nancy — nude photos have no place in a House committee room. unless, of course, the photos are of Hunter Biden's freakishly-oversized trouser hog.

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Monday Morning Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

what kind of shithole country allows its president to accept ginormous bribes

Donny's gifted his very own jet — and gets to keep it

remember that beady-eyed clown-college reject, Comer Fudd? remember how he squandered four entire years tying to catch that wascally wabbit, Bugs Biden?

Comer Fudd was so convinced that the so-called "Biden crime family" had taken a five million dollar bribe from China that he wasted everyone's time on one pointless hearing after another — and the only thing he ever found was Hunter Biden's freakishly oversized trouser snake.

where the fuck is James Comer now? has anyone seen him lately? because at this very moment, we've got an actual corrupt president enriching himself off easily-provable bribes from foreign actors — and all we're hearing from Republicans is crickets.

look at this flagrant in-your-face bullshit.

The Trump administration plans to accept a luxury Boeing 747-8 plane as a donation from the Qatari royal family that will be upgraded to serve as Air Force One, which would make it one of the biggest foreign gifts ever received by the U.S. government, several American officials with knowledge of the matter said.

that's right: you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, and Donny gets his very own private jet worth four hundred million dollars — because fuck you, that's why.

Donny's getting a new Air Force One because he absolutely loathes the current one. he's been whining about it for years. he thinks it's a shithole. why? because there's no tacky gold crappery in sight. it's just some ordinary fucking airplane. how boring, and how unbefitting of the self-styled Pope-Emperor of America.

so here comes the Qatari royal family, and they're all hey Donny. we've got a big Boeing jet, just for you. you'll love it — it's packed to the gills with gaudy golden tat. here, it's yours. out of the goodness of our hearts.

Donny's been pining after this vulgar flying bordello since forever.

It's bigger and newer than Air Force One — and so opulently configured that it's known as "a flying palace." (No report on whether it contains a golden toilet.)

Apparently he's been talking about the plane for months. In February, he toured it while it was parked at Palm Beach International Airport.

here's a fun quiz: when is an Air Force One not actually an Air Force One? give up? it's when all protocols for accepting presidential gifts are ignored.

The Constitution (Article I, Section 9) prohibits anyone in the US Government from receiving a personal gift from a foreign head of state without the consent of Congress.

this garish jet not a gift to America. it's a personal gift to Donny Convict. the short-fingered fuck gets to keep it when his nightmarish time in office finally comes to an end.

The plane would then be donated to President Trump's presidential library when he leaves office, two senior officials said. Such a gift raises the possibility that Mr. Trump would have use of the plane even after his presidency ends.

"donated" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. way to greedwash naked corruption, New York Times.

"Trump's presidential library" — what a laugh. Donny doesn't need a 'presidential library' — the illiterate shitwad doesn't read. what's going to be in Donny's library? a well-thumbed stack of golf scorecards and boxes of pilfered classified documents?

it's embarrassing that the leader of our country is such an easily-bribed child. just wave some gold-painted piece of shit in his face and he comes running.

if you went to any Hollywood studio and pitched a movie about some gold-obsessed halfwit boy-king who went around accepting bribes — and got away with it — they'd throw you out of the office, because who would believe such obvious twaddle?

yet, here we are with Golden Donny, the greedy dumbfuck who's tarted up the Oval worse than some Las Vegas dog's breakfast.

so, what is Qatar getting in return?

any fucking thing it wants — because that's how the game is played in Donnyville. one hand washes the other.

This week Trump takes the first overseas trip of his second presidency. He'll land in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday, followed by a visit to Qatar, and then to the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E).

That's a big boost for Qatar right there.

Trump also just did what Qatar has been wanting done for years — announcing that the Persian Gulf (as it's been known since at least 550 B.C.) will henceforth be known as the Arabian Gulf.

Trump's company has just announced a new golf resort in Qatar, reportedly partnering with a company owned by the royal family.

Qatar is also pushing the Trump regime to lift sanctions on Syria.

just what the world needs, another skeevy golf motel — and since when does Donny get to rename any body of water he wants? who granted him this power?

I don't recall the Supreme Court ruling that Donny is a Very Special Boy who gets to sharpie the shit out of the globe, do you?

so where are all the congressional investigations? imagine that Sleepy Joe Brandon had accepted some $400 million flying abomination. Comer Fudd would have ogasmed on the spot. he would have thought he had died and gone to heaven.

hello, Jimmy? are you there?

where is Attorney General Pam Bondi? oh wait, never mind.

US President-elect Donald Trump's new pick for US attorney general, Pam Bondi, worked as a lobbyist on behalf of the government of Qatar.

In July 2019, Bondi, a partner in the DC office of the powerful lobbying group Ballard Partners, was registered through the firm to influence Capitol Hill on human trafficking issues on behalf of the Gulf state for a fee of $115,000 per month.

but Uncle Jeff, I hear you asking, what if I want to bribe Dear Leader, but I'm not a member of a royal family with spare jets lying around?

no problem, pal — just "invest" in one of Donny's crypto scams. all the cool countries are doing it.

are you in private industry? no worries, ace — Donny's happy to take your money, too.

An international trucking logistics firm is buying as much as $20 million worth of President Donald Trump's crypto coins to influence the administration's trade policy — the precise sort of corruption that experts warned Trump was encouraging when he unveiled his venture.

Freight Technologies Inc. CEO Javier Selgas said in a Wednesday news release that buying Trump coin would be "an effective way to advocate for fair, balanced and free trade between Mexico and the U.S."

it doesn't even matter if the price of the crypto goes up or down — Donny's raking in billions just on transaction fees alone.

hey, here's a fun story that I'm including here for no particular reason.

In 1946, a group of Russian children from the Vladimir Lenin All-Union Pioneer Organisation (sort of a Soviet scouting group) presented a carved wooden replica of the Great Seal of the United States to Averell Harriman, the U.S. Ambassador to the Soviet Union.

The gift, a gesture of friendship to the USSR's World War II ally, was hung in the ambassador's official residence at Spaso House in Moscow. It stayed there on a wall in the study for seven years until, through accident and a ruse, the State Department discovered that the seal was more than a mere decoration.

It was a bug.

oh. huh.

so, how many hidden microphones are Qatari agents installing on that flying monstrosity even as I type this?

on the other hand, who needs hidden microphones, when Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand will happily add you to his Signal chat group? just hit him up, bro.

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The 4th Reich Is At Your Cervix, Ladies!

From Mock Paper Scissors:

Republicans: "At your cervix, Madame!"

"We will support baby booms and we will support baby bonuses for a new baby boom. I want a baby boom." — Adjudicated rapist, convicted felon and career criminal The Orange 🤡

The GOP's corporate overlords need more underpaid children to work in their future factories? Sure, we'll go with that.

White House Assesses Ways to Persuade Women to Have More Children

Baby bonuses and menstrual cycle classes are among the ideas pitched to Trump aides as they consider plans to try boosting the birthrate.

The White House has been hearing out a chorus of ideas in recent weeks for persuading Americans to get married and have more children, an early sign that the Trump administration will embrace a new cultural agenda pushed by many of its allies on the right to reverse declining birthrates and push conservative family values.

One proposal shared with aides would reserve 30 percent of scholarships for the Fulbright program, the prestigious, government-backed international fellowship, for applicants who are married or have children.

Another would give a $5,000 cash "baby bonus" to every American mother after delivery.

A third calls on the government to fund programs that educate women on their menstrual cycles — in part so they can better understand when they are ovulating and able to conceive.

But none of these ideas seem to address the elephant in the OBGYN: why do they want women want to have more children? (emphasis mine)

The coalition of people who want to see more babies born is broad and diverse. They are unified in their concerns about the U.S. birthrate, which has been falling since 2007, warning of a future in which a smaller work force cannot support an aging population and the social safety net. If the birthrate is not turned around, they fear, the country's economy could collapse and, ultimately, human civilization could be at risk.

So they want more kids for a future workforce, but they don't want women to be in the current workforce because they should be incubating the next generation? Do I have that right?

But many in the movement have different reasons for wanting people to have more kids — and often disagree on how to get there. Many Christian conservatives see declining birth and marriage rates as a cultural crisis brought on by forces in politics and the media that they say belittle the traditional family, encouraging women to prioritize work over children. They are pushing for more committed marriages and large families, while some who identify strictly as "pronatalists" are interested in exploring a variety of methods, including new reproductive technologies, to reach their goal of more babies.

The secondary issue is of course culture wars stuff. The wimmins are working, and the  'mos won't procreate, so those marriages are not real marriages, did I get that right, too?

So, come-on ladies, quit your jobs, get hitched, and start pumping-out white, cis-gendered, Xristian babbies or the theocrats will chain you up to the tree out back during rutting season. It's your patriotic duty to Hair Füror!

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Quote Of The Day

"If I am forced to live in a world full of villains, I expect the villains to at least not be this wilfully ignorant and proud of their lack of intelligence." ~ Nikita Gill

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Wut?!

Every accusation is a confession:

"Here's the main thing you've got to understand. Republicans are independently minded. Democrats are monolithic sheep that follow the Führer Schumer's orders."

— Sen. Bernie Moreno (R-OH)

Fun fact: Chuck Schumer is jewish and just published a book titled,  Antisemitism in America: A Warning.

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How To Stay Informed Without Becoming Suicidal/Homicidal

Because we all need this.

Here are a few ways. Found at reddit.com/r/OptimistsUnite:

    1. Curate your sources. Look for ones that try to approach news from a neutral standpoint, as neither inherently good, or bad. This will help you examine situations from a logical standpoint, rather than looking at fearmongering or propaganda. One of my favorite sources is Ground News.
    2. Wait for stories to sit. Give it a day or two, never be the first to a story (obvious exceptions exist.) It's extremely easy to get caught up in the hysteria, and miss important details. Once things have died down, you'll have an easier time understanding the full picture. But as I said, there are obviously exceptions. If it's going to effect you directly and immediately, then yes, please get informed ASAP.
    3. This is maybe the most important: take breaks. Set aside a day or two every week to relax. Maybe even a few days, or the entire week, if it's been especially stressful. It just depends on your mental state. Fatigue is a real problem you can face, so it's always important to allow yourself to rest. The world will still be here when you get back.
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In Case You Needed Anymore Of A Reason To Drink Tonight

Republican Shenanigans