Donald Trump starting a war with Iran was predictable and I’m getting really tired of saying “I told you so.”
Every Accusation Is A Confession
James Cockrell has been arrested on 2nd degree child exploitation charges in South Carolina.
Following a child s*xual abuse materials investigation into Cockrell, authorities found a child living in a condemned home covered with rat feces and holes in the floor.
Cockrell’s X account is filled with posts idolizing Donald Trump, referring to him as “god.” Cockrell ironically calls for a p*dophile to be killed in another post.
Not a drag queen.
Not trans.
Not an immigrant.
Not Muslim.
✔️MAGA!
The MAGA Nightmare Is Almost Over, America
This will all be over soon, America.
The sundowning of the MAGA movement is upon us.
The signs are everywhere.
As much as History can be an albatross in moments like these, alerting us to the terrifying ways in which we are repeating the past pathologies of inhumanity, she can also be a source of comfort; a reminder of the inevitability of the endings of all evil things.
If we consult her with a clear head, she’ll remind us that all brutal empires fall,
that all hateful movements dissolve, that every seemingly bulletproof regime reaches its extinction, and that all malevolent momentary victors eventually find themselves defeated and driven out.
Every time the pendulum has swung wildly toward barbarism in a society, it has invariably come back with even greater opposite force to bend the arc of the moral universe back toward justice again.
And History tells us that, despite the story in our heads or the one that comes through the partisan propaganda that we’re continually saturated by, our brutal national nightmare is likely in its final hours.
Few cults survive the passing of their leaders, and MAGA will not outlive the departure of Donald Trump from the White House or from this earth, whichever comes first.
His physical attrition and mental degradation can no longer be hidden or distracted from. His body is rapidly breaking down, laboring with simple tasks, hemorrhaging energy, and riddled with the unmistakable tells of a man whose systems are failing.
His already hate-addled mind is becoming more and more clouded in an ever-thickening haze of deterioration, drugs, and almost certain dementia. His outbursts have grown more impulsive, his decisions have become more desperate, and the once indestructible facade of strength is steadily crumbling.
The strongman is withering. He is a lame duck president whose once fierce death grip on political power is giving way to neutered impotence and growing irrelevance.
The rapacious brutality of his regime is being exposed and condemned.
The groundswell of public opposition is growing louder and more organized.
The defections from his party are accelerating, their unwavering allegiance weakening.
His cockroach accomplices are scattering in the raking light of coming accountability.
His supposed social media army of support is proving to be made largely of foreign bot factories. And there is no scenario in which is political power or cultic influence increases from here. It will all be an exercise in diminishing returns. He has peaked as a galvanizing presence, and there’s no GOP spin doctoring that can change that.
Whether is is taken by nature or by the Constitution, the gap left will be too expansive to fill, because although Trump didn’t create the unapologetic bigotry, or give birth to the unrepentant cruelty, or author the intellectual ignorance of teh MAGA movement, he alone was the catalyst for it.
His bizarre carnival barker charisma, his curated mythology of financial success, his lowest-common-demonimator soundbite sermonizing, and his lack of any moral requirements made him the singular human being to expose the worst of humanity.
He gave people permission to revel in the worst of their instincts, to give loud voice to their hidden hatreds, to discard their religious convictions, and to fully abandon empathy and decency. And once he is gone, MAGA will be gone too.
No, the tens of millions of Americans whose minds have been steadily poisoned by him, his willing political partners, comprised clergy, dudebro podcasters, opportunist internet vultures, and Fox New fakery will not sudden awaken from their cultic stupor and join the rest of us in benevolent and interdependent humanity.
But they will never again have someone who embodies the zeitgeist of grotesque impulses the way Trump has. His sycophants, disciples, and cheerleaders will all be scattered in his absence, no longer able to rally around a singular presence.
This doesn’t mean the coming days will be easy or painless; likely just the opposite. Like a wounded and dying animal, he and his cadre of ghouls will become more violent, more desperate, and more committed to destruction. But they know, as well as we do, that their time is short and that the clock on their stranglehold of this nation is ticking.
That should strengthen our resolve, lift our spirits and sturdy our steps. Take heart, good people. Time, gravity, and term limits are undefeated, and one way or another, the end of MAGA is near. And the dawn of the promise of America will break once again.
Monday Tiedrich
last night, so many colicky cultists completely lost their shit over Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show that America came this close to depleting the National Strategic Reserve of Binkies.
but before we get into that, let me ask you a question: why does Bobby Brainworms Jr. speak as if he were a malfunctioning beef jerky cyborg who learned the English language five minutes ago?
Fox News: “it’s Super Bowl Sunday today. it’s a snacking holiday in the US. you are— as the CEO of MAHA, uh, what would you have as a Super Bowl snack?”
Bobby Brainworms Jr.: “you know, I am on a carnivore diet so I just eat meat and ferments. and I’m very happy with that so I’m probably going to have a yogurt.”
that’s right, Bobby used ‘ferments’ as a noun — as one does when one is a fucking crackpot.
go ahead, make fun of Brainworms’ speech habits all you want — but yogurt is, in fact, an important part of Bobby’s five food groups: ferments, whale head, dead bear cub, raw sewage, and heroin.
but just imagine that Obama had been asked, back when he was president, what he was going to chow down on during the Sports Bowl — and that had answered ‘yogurt.’
the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex would have lost their fucking minds, and screamed their heads off about ‘out-of-touch elites.’ Republicans bearing pitchforks and torches would have swarmed the White House and burned it to the fucking ground.
while we’re on the subject of chaos, we should probably check in on Turning Point USA to see how the prep work for their alternative halftime show is going.
“UPDATE: Due to licensing restrictions, we are unable to stream The All-American Halftime Show on X. Head on over to our YouTube channel tonight around 8PM ET to watch the full show.”
holy shit, what? because of ‘licensing restrictions,’ TPUSA’s dumb-ass event couldn’t be shown on Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium?
you fucking eejits. you had literal months to get your act together, and you forgot to get permission to stream it? way to respect the hallowed memory of misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, you incompetent shitwits.
even if no one on not-twitter could stream it, at least the excitement within the venue was palpable.
I’m sorry, was Turning Point broadcasting from inside a strip club?
so why all the MAGA hatred for Bad Bunny? what crimes against humanity had he committed that were so egregious, Turning Point had no choice but to offer their own counter-programming?
this: he’s Latino, and he sings in Spanish!
oh my god, the horror — the horror.
also, anyone who tuned into the Super Bowl halftime show had to endure this unspeakably subversive commie-pinko message.
‘the only thing more powerful than hate is love’? what the hell?
look, Bad Bunny — if that even is your real name — MAGA hasn’t spent the last ten years hard at work transforming American into a failed fascist pesthole, only to have you fuck it all up by telling everybody there’s something better than hate.
by the way, this year’s Nobel Prize in Taking One For The Team definitely should go to Juliet Jeske, the host of Decoding Fox News podcast. she selflessly watched the entire Turning Point show, so we wouldn’t have to. she then edited it down into a two-minute highlight reel and added a commentary track. you can see it here.
The Turning Point USA Half Time show broken down into two minutes – the highs, the lows, the poor audio production and overuse of pyrotechnics. A 55-year-old man dancing around in shorts. It was everything and nothing all at once.
— Decoding Fox News (@decodingfoxnews.bsky.social) February 8, 2026 at 11:45 PM
headlining the TPUSA show was super-tasteful style icon Formerly A Kid Rock.
tell me, has Not Anywhere Close To Being A Kid Rock ever been to Epstein Island? it’s a legit question to ask, because he sure writes lyrics as if he has.
The track, “Cool, Daddy Cool” was released in 2001 and was featured in the children’s movie “Osmosis Jones” that same year. It includes the line, “Young ladies, young ladies, I like ’em underage/ See, some say that’s statutory/ But I say it’s mandatory.”
wait, a song that rhymes ‘statutory’ with ‘mandatory’ was featured on the soundtrack of a children’s movie? what numbskull greenlit that idea?
here’s a fun thing that Definitely Not A Kid said about the Olsen Twins when they were 14 years old.
“Why is every guy in America waiting on these chicks to turn 18?” he said during the appearance. “If there’s grass on the field, play ball.”
‘grass on the field’ — get it? get it?
fun true fact: Don’t Mistake Him For A Kid is also the author of a song called ‘Balls in Your Mouth.’ you’ll never guess what it’s about.
Republican family values!
is there anything more pathetically hilarious in this world than MAGA trying to cope?because nothing says ‘we’re not easily-triggered snowflakes’ more than having to create your own safe space so you don’t have to watch someone singing in Spanish.
look at these total fucking losers, playing the world’s saddest round of Things That Never Happened The Most™.
it’s estimated that 127 million people watched the Bad Bunny halftime show, and 5 million watched Turning Point’s shit-show. I’m not sure on what planet that constitutes a ‘massive victory for TPUSA’ — but you do you, MAGA.
also, I’m pretty sure that everyone who tuned in to Kid Rock caterwauling about his love for pedophilia already supports ICE.
hey, you know who wasn’t watching the Turning Point show? Dear Leader, that’s who. check out what was on the big screen at the Motel-a-Lago Super Bowl party: Bad Fucking Bunny. what the hell, Donny? you’re the MAGA King. you’re supposed to be leading by example.
look who was with Donny at his Florida golf motel last night: the Kompromat Kid himself, Lindsey Graham.
I wonder what Old Linz’s favorite Kid Rock song is.
BREAKING NEWS: 79-Year-Old Narcoleptic Fart Factory Wishes Those Damned Kids Would Turn Down That Infernal Racket.
shut the fuck up, Piggy.
doesn’t Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants sound like the angriest out-of-touch old white guy in the world? how dare the NFL force him to watch something that doesn’t conform to his extremely cramped and hateful worldview.
‘nobody understands a word this guy is saying’ — nobody except for the world’s 635 million Spanish speakers. ‘the dancing is disgusting’ — hey Donny, is this you, jacking off two invisible giraffes?
and why won’t Bad Bunny sing about how great the stock market is doing? why won’t Bad Bunny do anything about the NFL’s kickoff rule? THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, BAD BUNNY.
and so today’s hero of the day is, quite obviously, Bad Bunny himself — because anyone who can get this many dumbfucks to shit themselves raw over a sportsball entertainment show is okay in my book.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
The More You Know
For those who don’t contain a vast knowledge of Green Day lore like myself, I don’t think it is hitting just how much of a “fuck you” the NFL is giving DJT/The White House.
This is a band that is:
Made entirely of openly bisexual/queer men.
Made entirely of men who are vocal about being raised by single mothers on welfare.
One of their members was adopted and raised by a Black woman and has said he “understands how his mother could hate ‘the white man’ and love him with her whole soul.”
Were the first band to say, “No Trump, No KKK, No Fascist/MAGA U.S.A.” on live television without ANY warning.
Literally released a song last year called, “The American Dream Is Killing Me”
Only hires ALL FEMALE bands to open for them to address inequality in the music industry.
OPENLY tells trump supporters they are not welcome at their concerts.
Anyway, Enjoy Feb. 8th Magats! You’re gonna hate it.
[Source]
Vomiting It All Up
And We’re The Snowflakes?!
Keep Reminding Yourself…
Monday Tiedrich
it may be Christmas Week in America, but dumbfuckery never takes a day off. yesterday was so chock full of stupid that who even knows where to start? we’re just going to have to spin the Big Wheel of Moron once again, and see where it lands. ready? here we go.
oh, lucky us. the damned thing landed on Vice President Couchfuck McGee.
is there some kind of Nobel Prize for being repellent? could we get FIFA maybe to work on one? because our favorite furniture fornicator would be a lock to win such a thing — hands-down, year after year.
Couchfuck was at Turning Point’s ‘Americafest’ yesterday. check out the word-adjacent mouth-sounds that seeped out of the doughy pantload’s face.
“in the United States of America you don’t have to apologize for being white anymore.”
oh, thank god. finally — all those centuries of oppression are over for white people.
what the fuck is JD gibbering about? ‘I can’t believe I had to apologize for being white,’ said no white person ever — because it’s not a thing.
white people have been at the top of America’s food chain since day one — and yet, no one ever went broke selling MAGA on the fever-swamp fantasy that it’s the white people who are the real victims. it’s the easiest grift in the world. just tell these shitwits that all their problems are the fault of immigrants, or women, or the transgendered, and they’ll shut their brains and open their wallets.
Couchfuck’s Hindu wife Usha sure looks thrilled to be married to a guy who eagerly tossed away his reputation as a well-respected author and embraced his inner Nazi.
wow, CBS’ flagship news show 60 Minutes is doing a segment on that notorious Salvadoran slave-labor gulag that Donny’s fascist thugs have been disappearing innocent immigrants into.
check out the trailer.
“it began as soon as the planes landed. the deportees thought they were headed from the US back to Venezuela — but instead, they were shackled, paraded in front of cameras, and delivered to CECOT, the notorious maximum security prison in El Salvador, where they told 60 Minutes they endured four months of hell.”
holy shit, this looks awesome. Donny’s massive abuse of human rights is an important story, and we should all be looking forward to seeing it.
oh no, wait, we can’t see it — because hours before it was set to air yesterday evening, CBS yanked the episode from their broadcast schedule.
what the actual fuck?
here’s the actual fuck: the decision to shitcan the segment was made by Bari Weiss, the MAGAfied head of CBS News.
CBS announced the change three hours before the broadcast, a highly unusual last-minute switch. The decision was made after Bari Weiss, the new editor in chief of CBS News, requested numerous changes to the segment. CBS News said in a statement that the segment would air at a later date and “needed additional reporting.”
Bari was just doing the job that her corporate overlords at Paramount had hired her to do: ensure that anything critical of Dear Leader never sees the light of day.
But Sharyn Alfonsi, the veteran “60 Minutes” correspondent who reported the segment, rejected that criticism in a private note to CBS colleagues on Sunday, in which she accused CBS News of pulling the segment for “political” reasons.
no shit, the segment was pulled for political reasons. that’s the whole reason Bari Weiss was hired — to pull CBS News all the way to the extreme right, turning it into a sort of Fox News for people who know which fork is for salad.
even the once-respected Margaret Brennan has now been reduced to carrying water for Donny’s sewer clowns.
here’s Brennan yesterday, defending the DOJ’s Dead Pedo Bestie Files fuckery — and insulting the intelligence of her guests, Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie.
“this isn’t everything you asked for just yet, but would you acknowledge that they are complying with the spirit if not the intent of your law?”
oh come the fuck on, how can Brennan even ask such a question?
Jake Tapper, can you come in here for a second and show us what the Brennan considers ‘complying with the spirit of the law’?
the pre-Weiss Brennan would have never taken Donny’s side on any issue. she would have nailed Pam Bondi to the wall and ripped her several new one. but she’s now traded her reputation as a serious journalist for a handful of Paramount’s magic beans. I hope it was worth it, Meg.
Weiss, CBS News and their new overlords at Paramount are being short-sighted — because when all this is over, we’re not going to forgive the institutions that failed us.
fascist regimes come, and fascist regimes go. when this current nightmare finally runs its course, no one is going to say ‘wasn’t it awesome how CBS slobbered all over Dear Leader’s shoes?’
the institutions we’re going to look back on with admiration will be the ones who stood up said ‘take your fascist bullshit and stick it where the sun don’t shine.’
and we’re going to fucking well remember who the cowards were.
oh look, Bari Weiss isn’t finished with us. apparently, she wants to play a round of ‘easy questions, easy answers.’
“has feminism failed women?”
no. fuck no.
but CBS News has failed us all. congratulations, Bari, you’ve clownfucked CBS into irrelevancy.
now let’s sit back for an episode of Gas Leak Theater with Ezra Klein and The New York Times.
“In @nytopinion: ‘A year ago, we kept hearing that Trump was cool. Is anyone saying that now?’ the columnist Ezra Klein writes.”
excuse me, who was saying Donny was cool, aside from Ezra Klein and his dipshit colleagues in the chattering class? was MAGA saying Donny’s cool? no one fucking listens to them. they wear diapers.
Ezra, you need to get out more. go talk to some real people for a change.
being a Times pundit must be the sweetest gig in the multiverse. it doesn’t matter how wrong you are. it doesn’t matter if your premise is as bone-headed as they come. just shit out whatever comes to mind, and boom! you’re a legend.
remember this abomination?
that was nine and a half years ago. Maureen Dowd still has her job, shitting her drek all over the Times op-ed page. yeah, let’s ask all those Venezuelan sailors how dovish Donny is. oh wait, we can’t.
but I digress. let’s address Ezra Klein’s premise, that Preznit Fuckwit is cool.
tell me, Ezra, is this cool?
maybe — just maybe — if you’re one of those invisible giraffes Donny never tires of jerking off, it’s cool. otherwise? yeesh.
now here’s cool:
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
I’m Not Holding Out Hope
Dan Quayle was an idiot who proved his idiocy time and time again. Yet Republicans insisted he was a giant, because he fit the warped mold of what they consider leadership (white, male, arrogant, rich, and full of it). It wasn’t until Quayle misspelled “potato” that his political viability came crashing down on him.
It was a nothing moment, really. Quayle didn’t even necessarily get it wrong (“potatoe” is an obsolete alternative spelling). But it was a moment that prompted everyone to see what Quayle’s critics had been saying about him from day one: he was an empty shirted buffoon.
Why am I writing about Dan Quayle of all people? Because as inconsequential as that moment was, as inconsequential as he ended up being, the “potatoe” moment still serves as a case study for something being so on the nose that it finally shattered any illusions (or delusions) that anyone was holding about him. There was really no way to defend his intellect after that; after all, the guy couldn’t even spell “potato.”
That was, of course, a comparatively innocent time. Back then we were still debating whether someone was too full of it and stupid to be President of the United States (or Vice President, as it were). We’ve since been subjected to a President of the United States who can’t spell anything, and can barely speak a coherent sentence, yet his illiteracy isn’t among the thousand most disqualifying things about him. We have a President who is a recently convicted felon, whose entire business empire has been exposed as a long running fraud with thoroughly cooked books, who was found by the courts to have sexually assaulted a woman, who tried to violently overthrow the government of the United States, who has advanced dementia and appears to be dying, who was already rejected once for being the worst President in the history of the United States… and he’s back to being President again?
The bar has been set so low over the past decade that Dan Quayle could never even get the Republican nomination because he’s far too literate – and not nearly evil enough. For some reason, for some utterly psychotic reason, Americans decided to try making the worst person in the world the President, and when that was a disastrous failure, they later decided to make him President again. There’s really nothing that could finally turn Americans against him, right?
But that’s when the on-the-nose last straw comes in. Rob Reiner, a lovely man whose life’s work has inspired millions and whose activism was marked by his dignified approach to it, was tragically murdered by his mentally unwell son. It was one of those moments that has caught everyone off guard. I loved everything about Reiner. But even if you didn’t like anything about Reiner, there’s just no way you’d root for him to go out like this, or anything like this. It’s horrifying, and except for the very fringe of internet trolls, no one was going to find any joy in this awful moment.
Even this so-called President of the United States, who openly despised Rob Reiner and everyone knew it, was surely going to sit this one out, right? This small fraction of a man, even if he was celebrating Reiner’s murder privately, surely had the sense not to say it out loud, right? And even if the Asshole-in-Chief was going to say something negative about Reiner in the wake of his murder, he’d at least… I don’t even know. You just thought that even this worthless husk of a man, whose repugnant behavior has been at its absolute worst of late, just might have stopped at the water’s edge on this one.
But no. This deranged individual occupying the Oval Office, who I’m so angry at right now that I can’t even bring myself to use his name in this article, announced that Rob Reiner got himself murdered by being too angrily opposed to – well, we’re not using his name today.
Where does one even start? Never mind that this insane man… no, you know what? I’m not even going to try to analyze it. I don’t want to know what’s going on in his rotten festering mind, and I no longer care. To hell with him. There’s nothing left to analyze, other than to observe that his dementia appears to be making his worst qualities even worse.
But this isn’t about the man whose name I can’t bring myself to type today. It’s about his supporters. It’s about how, after a decade of warning signs, flashing red lights, loud sirens, and glaringly evil thoughts expressed in exact words, this cretin finally said something that prompted many of his own most prominent supporters to loudly and publicly condemn him. It’s about how this monster finally did something that was so on-the-nose monstrous, his weary supporters could no longer hang in there and pretend it was okay – or even keep it to themselves.
There is no way to predict where this will go next. For all we know, his supporters may well fall back in line with him by the time you’re reading this article. They may even have second thoughts about what the cretin said about Rob Reiner, decide it was justified, and start parroting it themselves. It’s happened before. But yesterday felt different. It was as if they knew their toad god had finally done something so egregious that they knew they weren’t going to be able to credibly defend him on it. For one brief cogent moment on their part, they were as repulsed by this repugnant man as the rest of us have been from the start. Something finally pierced the bubble of delusion that had spent a decade pretending up was down, wrong was right, and the most vile and most destructive man on earth was somehow a classy working class hero.
We’ll see what happens now. But maybe, just maybe, something as simple as a President of the United States publicly gloating derangedly over a political adversary’s murder is finally on the nose enough to jolt his remaining supporters into acknowledging that something is very, very wrong.
Hey MAGA, Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya…
MAGA-Free Zones
Feel Free To Add Your Own Responses In The Comments
Drag Queen Story Hour for starters…
A Valid Question
Did You Notice…
No Lies Detected
MAGA Is Losing Its Everlovin’ Mind
AND I’M HERE FOR IT.
I’d rather have these folks living next door to me than ANY red-hat-wearing felon-and-pedophile-supporting MAGAt any day of the week.
Thursday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich
oyal MAGA patriots, please stand by for a personal message of the utmost importance from Dear Leader. ready? here it is:
“they want to talk about the Epstein hoax. the sad part is, it’s people that are really doing the Democrats’ work. they’re stupid people.”
I hate to break it to you MAGAs, but this is Donny’s messaging now: that thing that actually happened, and that he encouraged you to believe in for years, is a now a hoax, and you’re an idiot for believing it.
ok, I lied. I fucking love breaking it to you that Dear Leader thinks you’re an idiot. how’s it feel, cultists, to find out that the guy you’ve devoted your life to just dropped you like a sack of potatoes?
oh look, it’s time for another Reading from the Book of Dumbfuck.
h joy, we’re in for a rehashing of every grudge and grievance. buckle in, here comes some turbulence.
The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Just like with the FAKE and fully discredited Steele Dossier, the lying 51 “Intelligence” Agents, the Laptop from Hell, which the Dems swore had come from Russia (No, it came from Hunter Biden’s bathroom!), and even the Russia, Russia, Russia Scam itself, a totally fake and made up story used in order to hide Crooked Hillary Clinton’s big loss in the 2016 Presidential Election, these Scams and Hoaxes are all the Democrats are good at – It’s all they have – They are no good at governing, no good at policy, and no good at picking winning candidates.
fact check: [mimes jerk-off motions]
Joe Biden brought us out of a pandemic, and our economy recovered at a rate faster than almost any other country in the world.
now, here comes the juicy part.
Also, unlike Republicans, they stick together like glue. Their new SCAM is what we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax, and my PAST supporters have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker. They haven’t learned their lesson, and probably never will, even after being conned by the Lunatic Left for 8 long years. I have had more success in 6 months than perhaps any President in our Country’s history, and all these people want to talk about, with strong prodding by the Fake News and the success starved Dems, is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax. Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!
holy shit! Donny just actually called his cultists ‘weaklings,’ and said he doesn’t want their support any more!
Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
YES, YOU NOW HAVE MY FULL ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
look, we get it. all that fuckery Donny got caught dead to rights doing, he’s always been able to sell it to the cultists as a hoax, just by shouting hoax hoax hoax until it sticks.
that shit’s worked in the past, but it’s not working with the Epstein Files, because Donny has a serious problem: he’s taken his own credibility out to the gavel pit and noemed it until it was dead dead dead.
hey, remember when this happened?
remember when a bunch of left-wing commie influencers were invited to the Biden White House and were each given their own binder labeled “the Epstein Files, Phase 1”? that was—
[taps earpiece] hang on, I’m being told that these are MAGA influencers who were at the White House in February of this year, and those binders were handed to them by Donny’s own flunkies.
MAGA remembers that day. they ran around punching their fists in the air, and shouting about how at last, the truth will out! — and now the cultists are being told they’re ‘stupid weaklings’ for believing the thing Donny handed them and told them to believe.
and what about the literal hundreds of photos and videos of Donny and Jeffrey partying together?
are MAGAs now supposed to believe that all these images are part of some ‘deep state’ conspiracy?
let’s check in with the cultists, and see how they enjoy being called ‘stupid weaklings’ for believing ‘bullshit.’
Donald Trump just said he doesn’t want my support anymore because I care about the Epstein Files. Goodbye, Mr. President. You just lost me.”
oh dear — I don’t think they’re buying it.
“gaslight us harder daddy”
check out misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. on Tuesday, Donny personally phoned Chuckers and begged him to shut the fuck up about Epstein. it worked…
…for about 24 hours. it turns out that even bizarre lawn ornaments hate being called stupid.
oh. huh.
over at MechaHitler’s Nazi Bar, the hashtag #trumppedofiles has been trending for days now.
so yeah, things are going just swimmingly right now for the Mad King.
oh, is it time to play Easy Questions, Easy Answers again?
[raises hand] wait, I know the answer to this! Alex, it’s because Donny’s a self-destructive imbecile.
as he’s done so many times in the past, Donny’s made things worse for himself. what he should have said was nothing — because let’s face it, the cultists are dumb as fuck, and they’re easily distracted. if Donny had played this right, the whole thing would have already burned itself out, and MAGA would have moved on to the next shiny object. but Donny can’t ever keep his rancid anus-mouth shut, and by calling his cultists stupid weaklings whose support he no longer wants, he’s once again shoved his dick into a hornet’s nest and clownfucked it into a frenzy.
good going, dumb-ass.
here’s another thing that happened yesterday. tell me, does this firing make Donny’s ass look guilty?
Maurene Comey was a lead prosecutor on the investigation and prosecution of Epstein and his former girlfriend and accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell. Maxwell was convicted and is serving a 20-year sentence.
oh sure, let’s take the one person in the Department of Justice who knows all the dirt on Epstein, and make her job go fuckity-bye — right as interest in the Epstein Files is reaching a fever pitch. there’s nothing suspicious about the timing at all.
that Maurene is James Comey’s daughter is just icing on the cake.
I don’t know about you, but President Guilty McGuiltyguilty sure sounds like he’s guilty of something.
reporter: “President Trump, would you consider appointing a special counsel to investigate the Jeffrey Epstein investigation?”
Donny: “I have nothing to do with it.” [hurries the fuck away]
one thing is for certain: Donny would like to THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO ANY OTHER MATTER IN THE WORLD
“I have been speaking to Coca-Cola about using REAL Cane Sugar in Coke in the United States, and they have agreed to do so. I’d like to thank all of those in authority at Coca-Cola. This will be a very good move by them — You’ll see. It’s just better!”
it looks like Donny’s plan is to distract us with another round of Things That Never Happened The Most™.
Donny, come clean. were you speaking to Coca-Cola, or were you speaking to a bottle of Coca-Cola? is that bottle in the room with us right now?
it’s a legit question, because when NBC News contacted Coca-Cola for comment, they were all we’re putting the what in what now?
hey Gavin Newsom, are you distracted yet?
No Fucks To Give Newsom is my favorite Gavin Newsom.
You Hear That, Mr. Trump? That Is The Sound Of Inevitability
Two people I’d rather not ever think about for the rest of my life? Comrade Donald Trump and the late Jeffrey Epstein. But here we are.
I suppose it was inevitable. I mean, in a lot of ways MAGA is the bastard child of QAnon and the Westboro Baptist Church. We’re talking about people who’ve devoted a seriously big chunk of their daily lives to thinking about sexualized anti-government conspiracies. People who’ve built complex, contradictory theories about political figures (mostly Democrats) and Hollywood elites maintaining a series of subterranean facilities where kidnapped children would be raped and then murdered for their adrenochrome. People who claim to believe trans folks are lined up outside high school bathrooms and locker rooms so they can sexually assault girls. People who spend a LOT of time thinking about forced sex with kids.
So yeah, the ‘suspicious’ death of Jeffrey Epstein is chum in the water for MAGA. When Trump’s pre-election team promised to expose the “truth” about Epstein, MAGA ate it up with a spoon. They absolutely believe Epstein was murdered because he possessed sexually compromising material on powerful figures–a so-called ‘client list’. When asked about that list, Attorney General Pam Bondi said, “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review.”
Then on Friday evening–the 4th of July holiday weekend–Bondi quietly announced, “Hey gang, guess what, there IS no client list! Oopsie! Also? Epstein killed himself! So case closed! How about those Red Sox, huh?!”
MAGA was not amused. You spend years spreading chum in the water, you expect to catch a shark. Being told there IS no shark doesn’t go over well. And given Trump’s long, close relationship with Epstein, it was inevitable that things would get weird and nasty.
But nasty enough to get MAGA to turn on Mr. MAGA his ownself?
I was curious enough that I looked into one of the MAGA-most corners of the Intertubes. I used to check in on the ‘patriots’ of FreeRepublic on a semi-regular basis, just to have some idea of how their fevered right-wing brains work. Snce the re-election of Comrade Trump, I haven’t had the stomach for it.
Until yesterday. And reader, the MAGAverse is absolutely furious. Furious not just at Bondi for her clumsy bait-and-switch approach, but also at their boy Trump. Here are a few of the comments made on FreeRepublic:
I woke up this morning with the realization that the only explanation for this is that Trump is on the list. Nothing else makes sense. This is like Watergate. It will never go away, and it will lead to Trump’s resignation.
–by E. Pluribus Unum (Democrats are the Party of racism, anger, hate and violence.)Something very big is being covered up.
–by Highest Authority (DemonRats are pure EVIL)Let’s face it: Pam Bondi is doing just what Trump wants her to do.
–by hcmamaI think we all need to wake up to the real possibility he’s on that list.
–by Lil Flower (American by birth. Southern by the Grace of God. ROLL TIDE!!)Looks pretty suspicious to go from “The List is ON My Desk Right Now” to “The List Doesn’t Exist.” Someone intervened that has the power to stop the list from being released by the Attorney General of the United States.
–by Bon of Babble (You Say You Want a Revolutioan?)This decision is way past bondi’s pay grade. This is Trump. Period.
by USS Alaska (NUKE THE MOOSELIMB TERRORIST SAVAGES)
When you see a Freeper who signs his posts with ‘Nuke the Mooselimb Terrorist Savages’ turn on Trump, you know they’re serious. Not necessarily sane, but serious. The reality that their Golden Boy might be on the List of Epstein Kiddie Diddlers (if one actually exists) has to be massively discouraging for them. One way of dealing with that is to create NEW conspiracy theories to explain it. For example, there’s a contingent of Freepers who’ve decided to blame…guess who? That’s right; the Jews.
Ask Israel. They control The Stable Genius…
by Captainpaintball (America needs a Conservative DICTATOR if it hopes to survive. )
Everybody knows Trump and Bibi Netanyahu are BFFs. Combine that with the suggestion that Epstein was some sort of FBI/CIA/Mossad agent, and you’ve got another tasty conspiracy to dine on. But even better (and by ‘better’ I mean ‘more delusional’) are the Freepers who see all of this as part of Trump’s Super Secret Clever Plan to Thump the Democrats.
I think it’s POSSIBLE that genius Trump is making this too big to go away by showing a coverup. When the truth is released…we will get suicide after suicide with DimWITS and RINOs leading the way.
by politicianslieMy conspiracy theory. The Epstein files contain information that can bring down 0bama, Clinton, Clapper, Comey, Brennan… That is why they have to sit on the Epstein files
by Steven Tyler
Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it. Trump promises to release the Epstein Files to get people excited, then claims the files don’t exists, which gets people even more excited. Eventually all that excitement will reach the boiling point and then Trump will hold a press conference and reveal…Hey Presto! The files DO exist! And they implicate ALL of Trump’s enemies! Genius! Applause and fireworks! A chorus of angels sing as the anti-MAGA deviants are led away to concentration camps in Sudan!
Jesus suffering fuck, dealing with MAGA is exhausting. I need a drink.
IT’S A CULT
At this point no matter what you say, what facts or evidence is provided to them the Cultists will not change their world view.
When he said he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and they would still support him that seems to be true.
He is their world and they mindlessly follow his lead…right off a cliff if directed.
Someone Call Child Protective Services
This guy’s children are in danger!
IT’S A FUCKING CULT
Jeeezuzfuckingkrysteonagdbike these people would eat his shit if he told them to!
“Stop Calling Us Dumb!”
MAGA: “Stop calling us dumb!”
Also MAGA: “ The government controls the weather but only Democrats.”
And They Say The Left Is Radical…
Monday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich
good lord, America’s newest war isn’t even two days old and already it’s a fucktangle of idiocy.
the Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse were all over the Sunday shows, doing what they do best: bragging about Dear Leader’s imaginary accomplishments and saying the dumbest fucking shit imaginable.
let us review the atrocities.
the last time our country got clownfucked into pointless wars, the vice president was the sneering embodiment of evil, straight out of central casting — a guy who literally had no heartbeat, and who got the poor schnook he shot in the face to apologize for getting in the way.
this time, the veep is just some doughy pantload.
let’s listen as Mister Heartbeat Away fields the question, ‘what advice are you giving Donald Trump?’
“the advice that I’m giving him is, ‘sir, trust your instincts.’ he’s got the best instincts of any president I’ve ever seen, of any political leader I’ve ever seen.”
yeah, no. what instincts? Donny Convict is the most easily-hoodwinked goofus on the planet. I’m pretty sure if Iran painted a tunnel on the side of a big rock, he’d run smack right into it.
but please, Couchfuck McGee, do go on.
“I empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then we had dumb presidents”
seriously?
presidents don’t come any dumber than the White House’s current diaperload — the fuckwit who won’t go near a windmill because he’s terrified of coming down with a bad case of noise cancer.
did you know that the Pentagon had to distract Donny with fake war plans because they were afraid he’d tweet out the real plans if he knew what they were?
At times, Trump’s penchant for social media was the biggest threat to the operation’s secrecy. Last Monday, he posted on Truth Social that “everyone should evacuate Tehran!” The next day, he revealed that he had left a meeting of the Group of 7 in Canada not to broker a Middle East cease-fire but for something “much bigger.” He added, “Stay tuned!”
Inside the Pentagon and the U.S. Central Command, military planners worried that Trump was giving Iran too much warning about an impending strike. So they worked up their own ruse: They had two fleets of B-2 bombers leave Missouri at the same time, one flying east and one flying west.
but please, do tell me again how super fucking amazing Donny’s instincts are, and how smart he is. those are such cute stories.
twenty-two years ago, the Bush administration faked key “evidence” in order to lie us into a war in Iraq. remember Colin Powell going to the UN and holding up a vial of what he claimed was weaponized anthrax?
this time around, they’re not even bothering to gin up ‘proof’ of any threat — they’re looking us straight in the eye and telling us proof is irrelevant.
Margaret Brennan: “are you saying the US did not see intelligence that the Supreme Leader had ordered weaponization?”
Marco Rubio: “that’s irrelevant.”
Brennan: “no, that is a key point.”
Rubio: “no it’s not.”
trust Dear Leader — that’s the shit sandwich being shoved in our faces.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KJQ9kVET58
“he promised us he would put America first. and there are still voices in this administration — you’ve still got JD Vance, Tulsi Gabbard, RFK Jr — you’ve still got calmer heads that could prevail.”
that sound you just heard was Thomas Massie’s credibility flying out the window.
come on, Tom. seriously? Couchfuck McGee is a useless yes-man, and Donny’s already told Tulsi to fuck off.
Kaitlin Collins: “Tulsi Gabbard testified in March that the intelligence community said Iran wasn’t building a nuclear weapon.”
Donny: “I don’t care what she said.”
look who else Massie cites as being a ‘calmer head’: Bobby Brainworms Jr. — the guy who doesn’t understand how germs work. what’s his skill set?maybe he can start a massive measles epidemic in Iran.
these are all deeply unserious people who are in way over their heads — and because Dear Leader decided to stick his dick into a hornet’s nest in the Middle East, they now have to pretend that all wars — like trade wars — are good, and easy to win.
meanwhile, here’s a thing that everyone with a brain saw coming.
no fucking duh, it could spike oil prices. Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz, through which supertankers carry 20% of the world’s crude oil.
wait — did I say oil prices could surge? I meant to say they have surged.
Oil prices surged late Sunday in Wall Street’s first reaction to America’s strikes on three Iranian nuclear facilities on Saturday evening, a major escalation of the Iran-Israel conflict.
US oil futures jumped 2.7% to about $75.80 per barrel at 930 pm ET. Brent futures, the global benchmark for oil prices, increased 2.44%, hitting $78.88 per barrel.
but don’t worry, folks. Donny has a cunning plan to deal with the Strait — and when I say ‘cunning plan,’ I mean it’s one of the stupidest fucking plans you’ve ever heard.
oh jeebus. China — after we just spent two months torturing them with an ever-shifting series of reckless tariffs, now we want them to be our bestie and do us a solid in the Middle East.
we should probably do a wellness check on misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, and see how he’s coping. you’ll recall that last year, Chuckers was reliably anti-war.
oh look, Charlie’s now toeing the official party line that ‘we have always been at war with Eastasia.’
why am I not surprised? and why am I not surprised that The Kirkster is now wetting his pants over the prospect of sleeper cells?
“Stay armed. Stay vigilant. We have no idea how many sleeper cells are inside the United States. It’s an unforgiveable weakness Biden left this country with. Stay alert. Pray.”
oh great, Gnomey Chuck wants us all armed to the teeth.
I’m loving this idea — because when shit goes sideways, that’s exactly what we’re going to need to be safe: a heavily-armed Meal Team Six, blasting away at everything that moves — including their own legs.
I hardly need to remind you that America is already armed to the teeth, and already has an itchy finger on every trigger.
the last thing we need is for paranoid morons like Mr. I Keep My Gun Trained On The Front Door to have more reasons to fear everything.
nonetheless, get ready to hear a lot about sleeper cells in the days and weeks to come — because a terrified populace is an easily-manipulated populace.
we’ve been down this road before. remember back during the Mad King’s first reign, when they tried to scare the shit out of us with overheated fairy tales about prayer rugs?
Trump cited a story from conservative news outlet the Washington Examiner in which an unnamed rancher living in New Mexico claimed to have found “prayer rugs,” or pieces of carpet used by Muslims for prayer, near her property.
but don’t worry, folks. if there are two million actual sleeper agents in US, thishoncho is in charge of rooting them out.
“As our nation girds for possible Iranian terrorist attacks, this is the person Trump put in charge of terrorism prevention. 22 years old.
Recent work experience: landscaping/grocery clerk.
Never worked a day in counter-terrorism. But he’s a BIG Trump fan. So he got the job.”
fuck me, we’re doomed.
let’s go out with a laugh, as we watch MAGA fall all over themselves in a mad dash to memory-hole any anti-war sentiment they might have once expressed, and proclaim fealty to Dear Leader’s new reality.
we have always been at war with — wait, who is it this week?