when talking about yesterday’s smash-and-grab escapade in Venezuela — and the plunder to come — where do we even start? with how lawless it is? because it absolutely is completely fucking illegal — and unconstitutional.
with how insane it is? because it’s off-the-charts crazypants.
with how unnecessary it is? the American people didn’t vote for this.
with how unrealistic the goals are? of course it’s all unrealistic. Donny and his toadies live in a fantasy world.
with how it’s just a naked grab for Venezuela’s oil? no fucking shit, Sherlock.
how about we start here: let’s talk about how impaired and unfit for office Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is — because he could barely stay awake during his own victory lap.
as soon as someone else started talking, Preznit Fuckwit started sawing logs — while standing up. who says Dear Leader isn’t a man of many talents?
as Donald Rumsfeld so wisely counseled us during the Iraq debacle, sometimes you go to war with the narcoleptic fart factory you have, not the narcoleptic fart factory you want.
for fuck’s sake, what’s with all the slurring?
“the United Sases militareese the strongest and most fearsome military on the planet by far, with capabiliseesanshkills our enemies can— [long pause] scarshely begin to imagine.”
oh come on. this is so embarrassing. Donny can no longer read. his brain is fried. maybe he should stick to what he’s good at: pointing at a drawing of a camel. can someone get Dear Leader a pudding cup and lead him back to his room? he should be in bed, not overseeing a war.
hey, you know who’s going to be running Venezuela now? Donny is.
“we’re going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper, and judicious transition.”
oh, how lovely. the shitwit with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel — who acts first and thinks never — is now going to two running two countries at the same time. the business genius who, as his fifth consecutive casino went bankrupt, said ‘let’s open a sixth’ is going to be making decisions about two ginormous economies — all while shopping for marble for his vulgar Epstein Dance Hall where the East Wing used to be.
yeah, right.
now here’s a question: who the fuck is running Venezuela right this very second?
Donny doesn’t know, or apparently even seem to care.
Trump: “There is nobody to take over. You have a vice president who has been appointed by Maduro. She’s I guess the president. She was sworn in just a little while ago. She had a long conversation with Marco and she said, ‘We’ll do whatever you need.’ She really doesn’t have a choice.”
in fact, the Venezuelan Veep has already told Donny to go fuck himself.
Venezuela’s Vice President Delcy Rodríguez condemned the U.S. attack and capture of President Nicolás Maduro on Saturday, saying in a televised address the nation “will never return to being the colony of another empire.”
Rodriguez insists that Maduro is still Venezuela’s president.
“There is only one president in Venezuela, and his name is Nicolas Maduro Moros,” Rodriguez said in a televised address to Venezuelans hours after the U.S. strikes and Maduro’s capture.
and according to Reuters, Rodriguez is in Russia right now.
Venezuelan Vice President Delcy Rodriguez is in Russia, four sources familiar with her movements said on Saturday, after President Donald Trump said President Nicolas Maduro had been seized by U.S. forces after an attack on the country.
so, again, who is running the country?
Donny’s already thrown the opposition leader under the bus.
Trump on María Corina Machado: “I think it’d be very tough for her to be the leader. She doesn’t have the support or the respect within the country. She’s a very nice woman but she doesn’t have the respect.”
the thin-skinned bastard is still big mad that Machado won the Nobel Peace Prize and he didn’t, isn’t he?
this plundering of Venezuela going to be a fucking disaster — and not the fun, entertaining, Stephen-Colbert-eating-popcorn kind of disaster.
it’s going to be a five-alarm shit-show, complete with chaos and suffering civilians.
back in November, The New York Times actually committed a journalism and ran a long piece about how during Donny’s first term, the military ran a simulation on what would happen if the US ousted Maduro. their conclusion was that it would be a clusterfuck.
but Donny doesn’t give a shit about any possible turmoil and violence among the Venezuelan people. Venezuelans can go fuck themselves sideways, as far as Donny’s concerned. he’s made it very clear that this is all about grabbing that sweet, sweet crude.
Fox & Friends: “what do you see as the future of Venezuela’s oil industry?”
Donny: “well I see that we’re gonna be very strongly involved in it. that’s all. what can I say. we have the greatest oil companies in the world.”
and — oh look — the ‘greatest oil companies in the world’ are already on the job.
Officials from top Wall Street firms will be traveling to Venezuela to investigate “investment prospects” of the country. “The trip will feature about 20 officials from the finance, energy and defense sectors.”
hey, remember that deal Donny made with oil executives back during his campaign? the one where he said ‘give me a billion dollars and I’ll take care of you’?
well, here’s your quid for that bit of pro quo. it’s all so fucking corrupt, and it’s going on right under our noses.
but Donny, who’s going to pay for all this shit?
reporter: “is it possible that the US ends up administering Venezuela for years?”
Donny: “well, you know, it won’t cost us anything because the money coming out of the ground is very substantial.”
oh lord, how fucking delusional. ‘the war going to pay for itself.’ gee, where have we heard this before? oh, yeah: back when Dick Cheney and his merry band of fuckface neocons decided to plunder Iraq. every single one of those shitbags bragged about how their awesome adventure was going to pay for itself.
“Iraq is a very wealthy country. Enormous oil reserves. They can finance, largely finance the reconstruction of their own country. And I have no doubt that they will.”
— Richard Perle, chair
The Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board
July 11, 2002
spoiler alert: the Iraq War ended up costing us over three trillion dollars.
hey, New York Times Editorial Board, could you explain to the nice people why Donny’s lawless adventurism sets a horrendous example for the rest of the world?
“By proceeding without any semblance of international legitimacy, valid legal authority or domestic endorsement, Mr. Trump risks providing justification for authoritarians in China, Russia and elsewhere who want to dominate their own neighbors.”
exactly. Donny bombing the shit out of Venezuela and going ‘mine now’ — because reasons — is no different than Putin’s war on Ukraine.
what are we going to say if Xi decides to roll tanks into Taiwan? spoiler alert: we’re not going to be able to say shit — because the US is now a rogue nation.
so much for Saint Reagan’s vision of America as a ‘shining city on a hill.’ awesome job, Donny, we’re now a pariah state. take another victory lap.
oh shit, they are taking another victory lap. they’re already drooling over the prospect of the next war.
Rubio: “If I lived in Havana in the government, I’d be concerned.”
how about Marco Rubio take his unearned hubris and shove it where the sun don’t shine?
maybe win the first war first, you arrogant fools.
you know who could put an end to this fuckery in a heartbeat? Congressional Republicans, by using their Constitutionally-mandated powers to authorize wars — but they’re not going to. in fact, they’ve already rolled right the fuck over.
Tom Cotton: “Congress isn’t notified when the FBI is going to arrest a drug trafficker or cyber criminal here in the US, nor should Congress be notified when the executive branch is executing arrests on indicted persons. and that’s really what you can make the analogy to here.”
that, folks, is how the Republicans are justifying allowing Donny to do whatever the fuck he wants — by pretending that this isn’t a war, it’s a law enforcement action.
‘war? what war? do you see a war anywhere? this is just Donny carrying out an arrest warrant for Maduro and his wife. we’re powerless to stop that shit. who says it’s a war?’
fuck off, you cowards.
now let’s talk about the Democratic response to Donny’s lawless fuckery, because there are two ways to go about it: the right way, and the Chuck Schumer way.
here’s the right way:
Rep. Seth Moulton: “is anyone going to just stop for a second and be honest? this is insane. what the hell are we doing? we’ve got a lot of problems in America today, and invading, occupying, running Venezuela does not solve any of them.”
thank you, Rep. Moulton. we’re all standing with you.
now here’s the Chuck Schumer way.
Asked about the possibility of impeachment, Schumer says ‘we hope that we can have support from our Republican colleagues to put a brake on this long before it gets that far.’”
oh fuck straight off to the moon and back, Chuckles. how fucking naive can one person be? on what planet are Republicans are going to put a breakon this? did you not hear what Tom Cotton just said, you hayseed?
let’s be clear-eyed about our Senate Minority Leader: Schumer’s a great guy to have around if there’s absolutely nothing at stake. need someone to speak at the dedication of a new post office? Chuck’s your man. need someone to make sure all the procedural i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed in some piece of shrimp boat legislation? here comes Chuck!
but Schumer isn’t a fighter. he never has been. right now, he should be screaming his head off about impeachement. that’s what Republicans would be doing if it were Joe Biden smashing and grabbing in South America. but instead, he’s making weak mewling noises about ‘support from our Republican colleagues.’ what the fuck?
Chuck Schumer just isn’t up to the task. it’s time for him to retire.
finally, let’s talk about how hastily this war was thrown together — because it did seem rushed, didn’t it? and those stage-managed photos going around, of Donny and Liddle Marco and Flippy McCrushnuts, acting all warlike and stuff?
that’s not the White House Situation Room. nor is it a secure SCIF, where classified intel can be discussed without fear of leaks.
for fuck’s sake, it’s the dining room of Motel-a-Lago, partitioned with black sheets. anyone wandering past, on their way to breakfast, could have heard what was going on.
how fucking rinky-dink is that?
so, why did this thing have to happen in the dead of night during New Year’s weekend?
it’s all about the timing.
Congress is back in session this week, and they have a lot of stuff on their plate — stuff Donny doesn’t want them dealing with. like the Epstein Files, for which the DOJ just missed another deadline. then there are the Obamacare subsidies, which expired four days ago.
fuck’s sake, there’s another possible government shutdown looming on January 30 — that needs to be dealt with, too.
but now, all anyone is going to be talking about is Venezuela.
that’s pretty convenient, isn’t it?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
