Category: Fuck The Orange Felon

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Fuckwit Preznit Has No Idea If He's Supposed To Uphold The Constitution

From Jeff Tiedrich:

scenes from a crazypants interview

imagine a United States president so callous that he tells America's struggling small businesses to piss straight up a rope. imagine a president so out of touch that he tells Americans they're greedy shitwads for wanting things.

now imagine a president so fucking ignorant that he has no clue if he's supposed to uphold the Constitution or not.

actually, you don't have to imagine any of that shit — because yesterday, Donny Convict sat down with NBC News' Kristen Welker and actually blithered all those things.

here's a fun passage from the Oath of Office that every incoming president swears to uphold. keep it in your mind, because there's going to be a quiz later on.

"I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

got that? okay, here we go. now tell me if you think this is the most totally unhinged thing you've ever heard a president say.

 

Kristen Welker: "your secretary of state says everyone who's here, citizens and non-citizens, deserve due process. do you agree?"

Donny: "I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. I don't know."

Welker: "don't you need to uphold the Constitution as president?"

Donny: "I don't know."

oh. my. god. — he. doesn't. know.

folks, what did we just read in the Oath of Office, the one that Donny has now mumbled his way through twice?

SPOILER ALERT: YES YOUR LITERAL FUCKING JOB IS TO UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION, IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE OATH OF OFFICE YOU'VE TAKEN TWICE NOW. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. IT'S LIKE TALKING TO A FUCKING WALL.

now here's me, typing out that not-tweet.

magine if Joe Biden had said he "didn't know" if he was supposed to uphold the Constitution. the entire Wingnut Outrage-Industrial Complex would have begun howling in unison about how Sleepy Joe had finally lost all his marbles and was unfit for office. MAGA would have rioted in the streets. Hannity would have shit hot roofing nails on live TV.

but Dear Leader professes blissful ignorance about his primary duty as president, and all we hear from Republicans is deafening sounds of crickets.

because it's a cult.

now here's the guy who shits into a golden toilet, taking you to task for wanting too many things.

Welker: "you were at your cabinet meeting, and you said — I'm going to quote you — 'maybe the children will have two dolls instead of thirty dolls. and maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.' are you saying that your tariffs will cause some prices to go up?"

Donny: "no, I think tariffs are going to be great for us, because it's gonna make us rich."

Welker: "but you said some dolls are going to cost more, isn't that an acknowledgement that some prices will go up?"

Donny: "I don't think a beautiful baby girl that's eleven years old needs to have 30 dolls. I think they can have three dolls or four dolls … they don't need to have 250 pencils. they can have five."

ok, so the "beautiful baby girls" only get three or four dolls now — but what about the baby girls who aren't beautiful? can we let the heinous ones grab a few extra dolls, as, y'know, sort of a consolation prize?

three or four dolls, and five pencils. in just four months we've gone from the world's greatest economy to forced rationing, with Dear Leader making kingly pronouncements as to who deserves how much of what.

hey, how many shithole golf motels does each American get to own? because I'm thinking more than one is too many.

let's take a wander down memory lane.

in 1977, a sweater-clad Jimmy Carter went on TV, and asked Americans to turn their thermostats down a couple of degrees — and the entire country lost its mind.

how dare this fuckface peanut farmer tell us that we can't have everything? it's our God-given right as Amurricans to consume as much as we want.

right now, there are MAGA morons who have rigged their trucks to belch out as much soot and thick grey exhaust fumes as possible. they call it "rolling coal." why do they do this? because fuck you, that's why. nobody tells MAGA to conserve.

but mark my words: at the next family cookout, your drunk uncle — the one whose TV is permanently tuned to Fox News — is going to corner you, and tell you that your kid has too many pencils.

because it's a fucking cult.

meanwhile, while you're making do with your government-approved two dolls and five pencils, Donny's planning to take forty-five million dollars and flush it straight down the shitter.

he's spending it on a gaudy emotional support parade for his birthday — just like the kind they have in North Korea.

because America is now a third-world autocracy led by a fragile pit of need.

hey, instead of a parade, how about this draft-dodging coward lay wreaths on the graves of the five soldiers who took his place in Vietnam, and maybe mutter a few words of thanks to the quack doctor who ginned up that bullshit note about imaginary bone spurs that allowed Donny to get those five deferments. it'd be a lot cheaper, and we'll even let him do a fucked-up graveside thumbs up.

Donny has a message for America's small businesses, and that message is go fuck yourselves.

Welker: "are you considering tariff relief for small businesses?"

Donny: "why do you always mention that, you know — you pick up couple of little businesses. what about the car business? they're going to make a fortune."

yeah, commie. what about the giant corporations? what about the plutocrats?

I guarantee that right now, some MAGA dipshit with a persistent cough is driving a crappy car on crumbling roads past abandoned storefronts to a low-paying job and pumping his fist and going "hell yeah!" as he listens to some dime-store Rush Limbaugh knockoff explain that billionaires have been getting a raw deal in America, and Dear Leader is going to fix that.

because — say it with me — it's a fucking cult.

I'm so old, I remember a woman who campaigned on the promise to help Americans start their own small businesses.

whatever happened to her? all I can recall is that she had a funny laugh and couldn't prove she worked at McDonald's, so I guess America was right to kick her to the curb.

the stupid. it just fucking burns.

Welker: "when does it become the Trump economy?"

Donny: "it partially is right now, and I really mean this. I think the good parts are the Trump economy and the bad parts are the Biden economy."

I don't know how Kristen Welker kept herself from blurting 'what the fuck is wrong with you,' throwing her notes to the floor, and walking out.

and finally, last night, aboard Fuckface Force One, on his way back from Motel-a-Lago, Donny held a press gaggle.

"all costs are down. everything is down, other than the uh thing you carry the babies around in."

that thing you carry the babies around in — you know. that thing. what the fuck is it called? a shover? a pushinator?

could someone please get Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants a pudding cup, and help him to bed?

oh yeah, this fucking country is in great hands.

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Vomiting It All Up…And It's Only Monday 😫

Trump: 'I run the country and the world'

President Trump shared his thoughts on how his two terms as president have differed, saying in a new interview with The Atlantic that this time around he's leading "the country and the world."

"The first time, I had two things to do — run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys," Trump said in the interview published Monday. "And the second time, I run the country and the world."

 

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shh! don't wake the elderly golfer. funerals make him sleepy.

From Jeff Tiedrich:

way to represent America, dumb-ass

think back to those super-fun days of last summer, when Donny Not-Yet-A-Convict was on trial for having cooked the books to make hush-money payments to a porn star look like legit campaign expenses.

remember what would happen every morning? Donny would take his seat at the defendant's table. he'd glower at the press, then immediately close his weary eyes and begin snoring, as he filled the courtroom with the pungent aroma of narcoleptic farts.

well, guess what: Sleepy Don is back, baby.

there's a book I'd like to recommend to Donny. it's called The Art Of How About Not Falling Asleep At A Funeral, You Stupid Fuck — because Sundowning Grandpa Fascistpants gone and done it again. right in the middle of Pope Francis' funeral, the deteriorating dumbshit once again closed his peepers and started sawing logs.

who does that?

spoiler alert: nobody. no one else among the assembled mourners felt the need to drift off to beddy-bye land and let rip some aromatic ass-music.

not even Joe Biden — the guy everyone said was too old to president.

let's compare and contrast the dude America kicked to the curb with the one they elected to replace him.

oh good fucking lord. try not to drool on yourself, grandpa.

hey Donny — remember how you never shut the fuck up about Sleepy Joe this and Sleepy Joe that? well, who's the sleepy one now, you barely-conscious old coot?

hey, did you notice anything else about Donny?

that's right, in a sea of somber black and dark grey — the dress code dictated by the Vatican, by the way — Donny's decked himself out in one of his hideous blue suits.

oh look, The New York Times is still failing us.

President Trump, it seems, is fully committed to going his own way when it comes to international relations — even during the funeral of a pope.

nice framing, New York Times. they want their readers to know that Donny isn't dressed like a sore thumb because he's a belligerent asshole who does whatever the fuck he wants. oh, no, Donny's a rugged individualist. a rebel outlaw. President Hombre doesn't play by your rules, squares. he's "fully committed to going his own way."

did Donny falling asleep get a mention in the press? I haven't seen one yet.

imagine if President Biden had fallen asleep while representing America at a state funeral. the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media would have had a fucking field day, and turned it into a weeks-long scandal.

but Donny, open-mouthed and snoring up a storm? crickets.

hey, let's watch Emmanuel Macron take Donny on a one-way trip to snub city.

check out the warm handshake Macron gives Zelenskyy. it's not a perfunctory 'good to see you again' shake. it's a hearty, extended 'we're brothers' handshake.

now here comes Donny for his handshake — and he doesn't get one. Macron ignores Donny's outstretched hand — because fuck you, that's why.

let's gif that shit for posterity.

sorry, Donny. no one respects the rodeo clown.

Macron was surely tired of that asinine Battle of the Alpha Bros handshake that Donny tries to pull on him every time they meet. you know the one: if you go to shake Donny's hand, he's going grab yours and roughly jerk it towards him, in an attempt to get you to stumble and fall. it's a childish I'm the dominant dog thing.

Donny got away with that shit during his first term, but now everyone knows it's coming, and prepares for it — and no one more so than Macron. now, every time they meet, Macron grabs Donny's hand and does not let go.

no one's putting up with that shit any more, Donny. everyone's hip to your infantile dumb-assery. it's a wise old saying: 'fool me once, shame on me, and also, you're a tiresome asshole. stop playing silly dominance games, you broken-inside child.'

good going, Donny — you've turned yourself — and America — into an international pariah.

(yes, I know — Donny and Manny eventually shook hands later that day, during a ceremony called the Sign of Peace, where everybody shakes the hand of the person next to them. Macron couldn't opt out of that one.)

let's talk a walk down memory lane, and revisit a few of Sleepy Don's greatest hits.

there were the aforementioned impromptu courtroom slumber parties.

fun fact: uncontrollable day-sleeping is a common sign of dementia.

Dr. John Gartner, who spent 28 years as a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University Medical School, has an explanation:

"To uncontrollably fall asleep during the day is something that's very common among patients with dementia."

A defendant falling asleep in court is "literally so uncommon, it's basically unheard of." Gartner said he's spoken with several lawyer friends who each told him that they've never seen a defendant falling asleep in court during their entire careers.

here's Donny last October — three weeks before the election — at a campaign roundtable event in Michigan.

Donny's handlers had a ready-made excuse for this one: he's "exhausted."

Why does this keep happening? Another outlet was recently given an explanation by Trump's team for why their own interview wasn't coming to fruition: exhaustion.

here's what I wrote about it at the time:

that's so sad. but also it's a stunning admission from Team Trump, less than three weeks from the election. sorry, our guy is pooped. can you imagine the media feeding frenzy that would result if Kamala bailed on an interview, and then her people explained it was because she had to go nappy-nap?

hey, can someone get grandpa here a bowl of applesauce and then take him to bed? the poor old guy is plumb tuckered out. he just can't hack the rigors of campaigning any more. I mean, look at this dilapidated old dipshit.

my god. why is Team Trump torturing this tired old duffer? at this point, putting Donny on a stage night after night is elder abuse. what he needs is a mug of Ovaltine and his favorite blankie, not a microphone and a podium.

Donny wasn't up to the rigors of campaigning last October, and he's not up to the rigors of being president right now.

I don't even know where this one is from, but my god — Donny's Slovenian trophy wife sure hates his fucking guts.

finally, can I just confess how completely jealous I am of Molly Ploofkins, because she thought of this quip, and I didn't?

 

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He cheated. Somehow.

His crowd sizes were too small to support this type of victory. He did nothing to appeal to voters in the middle. He doubled down on his base.

He did not work with Haley or her voters. These elections are supposedly won by the voters in the middle.

His entire life has been a game of manipulation, cheating, gaming the system, and conning. It would be in alignment with his lifetime structure to have figured out how to rig the system.

In fact, he stated before this election that it was rigged. Which clearly is his proiection and confession. Projection is part of his flawed narcissistic personality disorder.

He cheated. Somehow. Musk is involved. The voting tabulating machines must have been manipulated…

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Some Stupid To Start Your Day

From Mock Paper Scissors:

The animal magnetism of Stephan "Pee-Wee Himmler" Miller is undeniable.

With a screech only bats and certain dogs can hear, Field Commander PeeWee Himmler declares that Hair Füror will make America the manufacturing capitol of the world…

an angry, twitching Stephen Miller yells on Fox News that Trump will "make American the manufacturing capital of the world"

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2025-04-08T19:26:16.656Z

Watch his eyes. You don't have to be a Truthsayer of the Bene Gesserit Sisterhood to know that liars usually blink rapidly and in excess.