Good.
Sunday Tiedrich
is the leader of your country crazier than a shithouse rat? is he out wandering in the tall weeds, where the buses don’t run? is he a few sandwiches short of a fucking brain?
here’s one sure way to tell: does he spend his time rage-posting stark barking bonkers threats to take over other countries?
fact check for the United States: yes, he does. lucky us.
holy. fucking shit. 445 words — every single one of them delusional.
this may be the dumbfuckiest thing Donny’s ever posted. there’s no polite way of sugar-coating this: Dear Leader is coo-coo for cocoa puffs.
before we even begin wading through the content of this crazypants post, we need to remind ourselves that we’ve become so normalized to Donny’s behavior, it’s easy to forget that how utterly fucking insane it is.
it’s not normal for a head of state to spend all day and all night crapping out hundreds of posts an hour onto an app he paid someone to create after getting banned from twitter for doing an insurrection.
and on no planet is it normal for a world leader to conduct high-level foreign policy via a medium that was invented for looking at cat pictures and gossiping about celebrities.
no other president or prime minister does this. France’s Macron isn’t up all night whining about every grievance on some crappy app he’s named La Vérité Sociale. he has better things to do with his time. oh, and he’s a mature adult, not some diapershitting rage-baby.
that said, let us now gird the shit out of our loins, and take a deep dive into Donny’s post. all girded up? okay, here we go.
We have subsidized Denmark, and all of the Countries of the European Union, and others, for many years by not charging them Tariffs, or any other forms of remuneration. Now, after Centuries, it is time for Denmark to give back — World Peace is at stake! China and Russia want Greenland, and there is not a thing that Denmark can do about it. They currently have two dogsleds as protection, one added recently. Only the United States of America, under PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP, can play in this game, and very successfully, at that!
delusions of grandeur much?
Donny might as well just shove a Napoleon hat onto his head and declare himself Emperor of the Universe.
fun fact: we already have a US military base in Greenland. we can already defend the country if need be — and trust me, China and Russia couldn’t give a fuck about Greenland. it’s of no strategic value to them, and Greenland’s resources are too expensive to extract.
Nobody will touch this sacred piece of Land,
this is where you can invoke the ‘in my pants’ rule. ‘nobody will touch this sacred piece of land — in my pants.’
especially since the National Security of the United States, and the World at large, is at stake. On top of everything else, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, France, Germany, The United Kingdom, The Netherlands, and Finland have journeyed to Greenland, for purposes unknown.
not for ‘purposes unknown,’ you deranged rodeo clown.
eight NATO countries have taken the extraordinary step of pledging military support for Greenland — to protect them from a maniac who spends his idle hours pointing at random countries on a globe and going ‘mine now.’
it’s as if Donny is starring in a version of Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator — except one that’s not funny.
oh wait, we already had a version of The Great Dictator that wasn’t funny. it was called The Third Reich.
look at where we are right now, thanks to Donny’s imperialistic fever dreams: it’s us versus NATO. can you fucking imagine that? we used to lead NATO, and now we’re a pariah state.
ace job, Donny. take a fucking victory lap. our next president is going to have so much to clean up after, that it’s going to take years to glue all the pieces back together.
Greenland wants no part of becoming America’s fifty-whatever state. there were massive demonstrations in Greenland and Denmark yesterday. look at the cool hat they came up with for the occasion.
now that’s a MAGA I can get behind.
by the way, over two hundred thousand Danes have signed a petition to buy California from America, which would be the most hilarious thing ever.
anyway, back to Donny’s post—
This is a very dangerous situation for the Safety, Security, and Survival of our Planet. These Countries, who are playing this very dangerous game, have put a level of risk in play that is not tenable or sustainable.
‘a level of risk in play that is not sustainable’ — in my pants.
Therefore, it is imperative that, in order to protect Global Peace and Security, strong measures be taken so that this potentially perilous situation end quickly, and without question. Starting on February 1st, 2026, all of the above mentioned Countries (Denmark, Norway, Sweden, France, Germany, The United Kingdom, The Netherlands, and Finland), will be charged a 10% Tariff on any and all goods sent to the United States of America. On June 1st, 2026, the Tariff will be increased to 25%. This Tariff will be due and payable until such time as a Deal is reached for the Complete and Total purchase of Greenland.
tariffs again — because why not? let’s have a trade war and a land war. what could possibly go wrong?
sure, let’s punish American shoppers and raise the price of everything — again — because Donny’s Big Mad about NATO not letting him do an imperialism.
tell me, what ever happened to the lie about how tariffs were going to make everything cheaper? Donny’s not even bothering to spin that bullshit any more. now he’s just using tariffs to punish other counties who won’t obey his orders — because Donny doesn’t care how, he wants Greenland now.
The United States has been trying to do this transaction for over 150 years. Many Presidents have tried, and for good reason, but Denmark has always refused.
fact check: holy shit, Donny said something that’s actually true. three times in the past, we’ve floated the idea of buying Greenland from Denmark. in each instance, the Danes politely declined. you know why? because they’re a sovereign fucking nation, and have the right to say no. oh silly me, I forgot that Donny isn’t big on consent.
Now, because of The Golden Dome, and Modern Day Weapons Systems, both Offensive and Defensive, the need to ACQUIRE is especially important.
‘the need to ACQUIRE is especially important’ — in my pants.
Hundreds of Billions of Dollars are currently being spent on Security Programs having to do with “The Dome,” including for the possible protection of Canada, and this very brilliant, but highly complex system can only work at its maximum potential and efficiency, because of angles, metes, and bounds, if this Land is included in it.
again with the ‘Golden Dome,’ Donny’s own version of Reagan’s ‘Star Wars’ missile defense shield — except this one’s batshittier, more unpractical and more expensive than St. Ronnie’s ever was. and it’s gold, because of course it is. this fucking child and his infantile obsession with gold.
I have an idea. instead of flushing hundreds of billion of dollars down the toilet on an unworkable waste of time that will never be built, why don’t we have affordable healthcare in our country?
silly me for even asking. you don’t have to say it, I’ll just go proactively fuck myself.
The United States of America is immediately open to negotiation with Denmark and/or any of these Countries that have put so much at risk, despite all that we have done for them, including maximum protection, over so many decades. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
‘thank you for your attention to this matter’ — in my pants.
DONALD J. TRUMP
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
ugh.
oh, and that wasn’t Donny only batshit post from yesterday. he also took time to whine about Joe Biden’s autopen.
“Everyone is asking about the Autopen?”
‘what about the autopen’ — in my pants.
“There must be a price to pay, and it has got to be a BIG ONE!”
everybody say it with me: ‘there has got to be a BIG ONE’ — in my pants.
it’s definitely time to do a palate cleanse with our hero of the day: Abigail Spanberger, who was sworn into office yesterday, becoming Virginia’s first woman governor.
what was one of her first acts of office? to end her Republican predecessor’s kowtowing to Donny’s personal gestapo.
 |
On her first day as Governor, Abigail Spanberger made a decisive move: she vetoed Executive Order 47, ending Virginia’s participation in the federal 287(g) program that allowed local law enforcement to act as ICE agents.
awesome. more like this, please.
have a great Sunday, everyone.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
They Say The Camera Captures The Essence Of Your Soul
No lies detected.
Will Humanity Ever Outgrow This Bullshit?
Greg Bovino cosplaying Local Gruppenführer
You like playing a WWII German, Greg? Well, here’s a nice German word for you:
How many times do we need to go through this? Is it going to be every generation’s burden to smash these fascist assholes into the ground going forward, or is there some way to purge this Nazi bullshit from human consciousness once and for all?
This does not lead to the Star Trek future so many of us actively envision and want. (Granted, there were Nazis in Star Trek canon but they were on a single planet whose society had been poisoned by a rogue Star Fleet captain. And then there was the whole “alternate universe” thing introduced in some of the more recent series, but for the most part, that was not where humans in the Star Trek universe went.)
What do you think? Are we destined to forever ride this karmic wheel, switching roles between aggressor and victim each lifetime ad nauseum?
A Failure Of Intimidation
Hair Füror: “Don’t you know a joke when you hear one?”
Don’t panic. This is just another attempt to distract from the Epstein files (which are now nearly a year beyond the date set by Congress for full release.)
From Mock Paper Scissors:
The Orange 
told Reuters that he’s doing such a good job that “when you think of it, we shouldn’t even have an election.”
Semi-sentient jar of Mayonnaise Karoline Leavitt soon walked it back, insisting he was “simply joking.”
Hair Füror is such a kidder, he enjoys a good laugh at his own expense, amirite?
Anyway, yesterday when we talking about it, I only mentioned how cancelling the elections would cause the government to stop functioning, but I left out all the reasons why Hair Füror cannot cancel the elections,I probably should not have been so fast.
(But we’ve talked about it many times, too).
That said, Taegan Goddard has enumerated the many reasons in his email thingie to paid subscribers, and breaking protocol, here’s what he said:
The president has no authority to cancel elections. Federal elections are governed by the Constitution and federal law, but they are administered by the states. There is no executive order, emergency declaration, or legal loophole that allows a president to simply call them off.
Elections are decentralized by design. The United States doesn’t have a single national election authority. Elections are run by 50 states and thousands of local jurisdictions. Secretaries of state, county clerks, and local election boards do not report to the White House — and they can’t be ordered to “stand down.”
Congress can’t be forced to cooperate. Even if Trump wanted to nullify elections in practice, there is no mechanism to compel Republican members of Congress to resign, suspend terms, or support canceling elections.
The logistics make it unworkable. Elections involve tens of thousands of polling places, millions of ballots, and armies of local workers and volunteers. There is no realistic way for a president to shut down that infrastructure nationwide.
That’s why off-year elections, special elections, and local contests continue to move forward regardless of what Trump says. The system is intentionally fragmented to prevent exactly this kind of abuse.
Trump can complain about elections. He can delegitimize them rhetorically. He can try to undermine trust in the results.
But actually stopping them? That’s a very different thing.
I’m just not worried about that; I know I’m always warning people to not confuse actual scandals with distractions, but this was a distraction.
Well…Can We?!
I Just Can’t Today
You can get your daily dose of Tiedrich here.
Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Dystopian Hellscape
And lastly…
Midweek Tiedrich
loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, and God’s Own Avatar on Earth.
ready? here’s the message: ‘fuck you.’
Trump makes obscene gesture, mouths expletive at Detroit factory heckler
“As far as calling him out, definitely no regrets whatsoever,” the heckler told The Post after a video captured Trump twice mouthing “f— you” and raising his middle finger.
here’s how that shit went down: Donny’s handlers got the bright idea to let him out of his gilded bordello, so he could tour a Ford factory in Detroit — and that’s when factory worker TJ Sabula won himself the Nobel Heckling Prize by shouting “pedophile protector!” at Dear Leader.
Out of frame in the video, a person can be heard yelling “pedophile protector” just before Trump mouthed the insult — an apparent reference to the Trump administration’s handling of the investigation into the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
‘an apparent reference’ — oh, Washington Post, you’re adorable. never change.
did Donny simply ignore the taunt and get on with his life, as any dignified leader would? of course he didn’t. the fragile dipshit just couldn’t let it pass. he replied ‘fuck you’ twice, and then gave Sabula the finger.
another day, another perfectly presidential performance from our Toddler-in-Chief.
by the way, Ford has suspended TJ Sabula, ‘pending an investigation.’
I have a question: pending an investigation of what? is Ford going to investigate whether or not Donny protects pedophiles? because we’ve already sussed that shit out.
fact check:
should anyone really be surprised by Dear Leader’s infantile behavior? after all, Donny’s been giving us the finger for years now, on a daily basis.
what, you want sane governance? fuck you. you want peace and justice? fuck you. you want coherent economic policies? fuck you.
you want honesty and accountability? fuck you. you want a president who doesn’t lie straight to your face? fuck you.
you want a president who doesn’t use the government to enrich himself? fuck you. you want a president who doesn’t see you as a rube to be fleeced? fuck you.
you want to be able to walk down the street without getting assaulted by masked and armed government thugs? fuck you.
you want to see those Dead Pedo Bestie files? fuck you twice.
here’s Preznit Fuckyou on his way to Detroit.
reporter: “the premier of Greenland said today, ‘we prefer to stay with Denmark.’”
Donny: “who said that?”
reporter: “the premier of Greenland.”
Donny: “well, that’s their problem. that’s their problem. I disagree with him. I don’t know who he is. don’t know anything about him. but that’s gonna be a big problem for him.”
‘that’s going to be a big problem for him’? what the fuck? this isn’t how a head of government talks. this is how a gangster talks. Donny’s answer could have come straight out of the mouth of Tony Soprano.
what, you want a president who doesn’t sound like a mob boss? fuck you.
you want a president who at least bothers to learn the names of the people who lead the countries he’s so horny to invade? fuck you.
you want a president who doesn’t destabilize the world just to feed his ego, and shit all over decades-old alliances? fuck you.
Donny didn’t just tour that Ford factory during his playdate. he also gave a speech to the Detroit Economic Club.
naturally, he used the occasion to rehash every batshit grievance — real or imagined — rattling around in his big dumb pumpkin head.
“how about the swimming records? I mean you could go to sleep during the time the man comes in and the woman. you could go take a nap for a little while. how about the long-distance race that took place not so long ago? long long distances. marathon deals. they had top men, top women. man came in. THE WOMAN CAME IN FIVE HOURS AND FOURTEEN MINUTES AND THIRTY-SIX SECONDS behind the man. think of it. you’re waiting. the man comes in. now you’re waiting five hours. what do you do? you can go home and sleep for a while. who the hell wants that? it’s so demeaning to women who are great athletes. demeaning to them. and it’s right now in the Supreme Court. I can’t believe it would even go to the Supreme Court.”
what the fuck is Donny gibbering about? what does any of the fever-swamp nonsense that just seeped from his rancid anus-mouth have to do with economics?
what, you want a president whose rotting brain doesn’t pinball incoherently from one subject to the next? fuck you.
you want a president who doesn’t obsess over stupid bullshit? fuck you.
you want a president who doesn’t manage to be both transphobic and misogynistic at the same time? fuck you.
what, you want a president with an ounce of empathy for the woman who was gunned down by one of his own armed thugs? fuck you.
“one of the reasons they’re doing these fake riots— I mean they’re just terrible. I mean you see it’s so fake. ‘shame! shame! shame!’ you see the woman. it’s all practiced. they go practice. they go to— there is— they take hotel rooms and they all practice together. it’s a whole same. we’re finding out whose funding all this stuff, too. we pretty much know.”
once again: what the fuck is this lunatic babbling about? none of that shit is happening. nobody is ‘rioting,’ they’re peacefully protesting — and what even is a ‘fake riot’? women aren’t practicing in hotel rooms. nobody is getting paid to protest. We the People loathe Donny so much we’ll happily protest for free.
this the stupidest shit you’ll hear all day, and Donny believes every word of it.
what, you want a president whose brain hasn’t been pickled from marinating in the dumbfuckiest of conspiracy theories? fuck you.
the ‘fuck your feelings’ crowd is sure having a lot of feelings right now.
Laura Ingraham: “there was one dimwit in the scene who screamed something about Epstein. Trump flipped him the bird. I hope it was the thunderbird.”
hey, Laura, you know what? fuck your feelings.
good lord. if Joe Biden had ever flipped off a factory worker in public, the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex would have shit a massive brick, and turned it into a month-long scandal.
here’s a fun post from Lincoln Square Media.
Our Detroit staff has received reports from Ford workers that the President’s body odor was ‘like bad breath mixed with feces — I can’t describe it, but I’ll never forget it.’ yikes.”
is it true? who the fuck knows? it’s certainly believable.
and lastly, let me leave you with some words of wisdom.
live your life in such a way that when you die, your obituaries don’t open with how you were such a ginormous racist asshole that you fucked your own career straight into the shitter.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Miscalculations
Backpfeifengesicht
Story here.
Sunday Tiedrich
it’s been nine days since Prenit Fuckwit waged his glorious Three-Hour War against Venezuela, declared permanent victory and preened for the cameras.
now that Maduro — the thieving rat-bastard who had the temerity to steal Donny’s slick dance moves — has been kidnapped from his Caracas home and chucked into some hellhole jailhouse in Brooklyn, I’ll bet Venezuela has become a paradise on Earth. I’ll bet its grateful citizens are throwing flowers at Americans right now, and hailing them as liberators. it’s probably a—
The United States has urged its citizens to leave Venezuela immediately amid reports that armed paramilitaries are trying to track down US citizens, one week after the capture of the South American country’s president, Nicolás Maduro.
how awesome. both the government and citizens of Venezuela are super fucking pissed at us — and are out for revenge. here’s what the State Department posted to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium:
lovely. by acting first and thinking never, Donny and his merry band of warmongers have painted a target on the back of every American in Venezuela.
“There are reports of groups of armed militias, known as colectivos, setting up roadblocks and searching vehicles for evidence of U.S. citizenship or support for the United States.”
oh, huh. that seems bad.
how did the shitwits who cooked up the cockamamie scheme to kidnap Maduro not foresee this? they removed exactly one person from Venezuela’s repressive regime — and left everyone else in place. what in the hallowed name of Magical-Thinking Jesus did they imagine would happen? the national guard, the army, the national police, the intelligence service — they’re all still run by Maduro loyalists. did Donny’s flunkies think they could just click their heels three times and all that shit would go away?
it’s so obvious that there was no planning whatsoever for dealing with any of the fallout from their actions. not one of these shit-kazoos bothered to ask ‘and what happens next?’ — it was just ‘grab Maduro and hope for the best.’ and now, as a result, every American down there has to run for their lives.
newsflash: this isn’t reality TV. this isn’t The Apprentice, where the producers could just edit out every disastrous decision of Donny’s, and make it seem like he was some kind of business savant. this is the real world. you can’t hide the dumbfuckery.
look at Little Donny Fuckface. he has no idea that he’s no longer part of some stage-managed entertainment spectacle. he’s still imagining that he can pretend everything is hunky-dory, just by saying so. here’s what he was posting at the same time the State Department was issuing its warning.
“I love the Venezuelan people, and am already making Venezuela rich and safe again. Congratulations and thank you to all of those people who are making this possible!!! President DJT”
on what fucking planet is any of that happening? oh, my dear sweet lord. shitting out hallucinatory nonsense on his crappy app doesn’t make it so.
you look at the collection of oddballs and chowderheads running our government and that famous line from All the President’s Men keeps running through your head.
the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.’
except in our case, the truth is that these people are complete fucking imbeciles, and everything is getting out of hand. lucky us.
and for what? Venezuela’s oil? ha fucking ha. it’s becoming more clear with every passing day that Big Oil wants very little to do with Donny’s plans to steal all that crude. it’s too expensive to extract.
Paul Krugman has written an excellent post about all of this.
the long-story-short of Krugman’s post is —
-
- Venezuela’s oil infrastructure has been fucked to hell, and will take years and many billions of dollars in investment to restore.
- it would be insane to invest that much time and money in a politically-unstable country.
- Venezuelan crude is damn near worthless, because it’s difficult to extract and difficult to refine.
- there’s an oil glut right now. the world doesn’t need more oil.
you can’t explain any of that to Donny. his brain is stuck in the 1950s.he doesn’t want to know that the world has changed. all he wants is for his lizard-brain to be fed. he wants all the power, all the money and all the attention — and now you can add to it all the oil. it doesn’t matter that it’s worthless. he just wants to show it off, just like he wants to show off all the hideous golden tat in the Oval Bordello, and the future Epstein Dance Hall. it’s just another totem of wealth.
and it’s going to be the same deal with Greenland, too, should that clusterfuck-to-come ever happen.
“Greenland’s harsh environment, lack of key infrastructure and difficult geology have so far prevented anyone from building a mine to extract the sought-after rare earth elements that many high-tech products require. Even if President Donald Trump prevails in his effort to take control of the arctic island, those challenges won’t go away.”
as with Venezuela, there’s a reason all of Greenland’s resources remain buried — it’s just too fucking expensive to extract. and in Greenland’s case, it would be an ecological disaster.
Another concern is the prospect of mining rare earths in the fragile Arctic environment just as Greenland tries to build a thriving tourism industry, said Patrick Schröder, a senior fellow in the Environment and Society program at the Chatham House think-tank in London.
“Toxic chemicals needed to separate the minerals out from the rock, so that can be highly polluting and further downstream as well, the processing,” Shröder said.
but again, you can’t explain this to Donny. he’ll just wing a ketchup bottle at your head and scream at you to get it done.
Donny’s destabilizing the entire planet — and destroying decades-old alliances — all because he has a toddler’s understanding of how the world works.
we really do live in the stupidest fucking timeline.
by the way, you have to love this line from the State Department’s warning.
“Venezuela has the highest Travel Advisory level – Level 4: Do Not Travel – due to severe risks to Americans, including wrongful detention, torture in detention, terrorism, kidnapping, arbitrary enforcement of local laws, crime, civil unrest, and poor health infrastructure.”
did your irony detector just start shrieking? mine did — because you can replace ‘Venezuela’ with ‘Minneapolis’ and not have to change one word in the rest of that paragraph.
ace job, you assholes — you’ve turned an entire American city into a South-American-style banana republic.
loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Royal King of America, and God’s Own Avatar on Earth.
“The New York Football Giants should hire, without question, John Harbaugh – And John, a great guy, should TAKE THE JOB!!! President DJT”
Christ on a corkscrew, with all the chaos and crises going on — all the result of his own fascistic overreach — this is what Lord Fucksnot is focused on: the hiring decisions of the ‘New York Football Giants.’
that’s it, his brain is cooked. 25th Amendment — now. I’ll take my chances with Couchfuck McGee.
here are your heroes of the day: We the People of the United States of America. massive, peaceful anti-ICE protests took place across the nation yesterday. let’s just briefly sample a few.
here’s what went down in San Francisco.
and in Portland.
and in the rain in New York City.
and, of course, in Minneapolis, the scene of the crime.
thank you, everyone, for keeping it peaceful. Donny and his minions are super fucking horny to invoke the Insurrection Act and declare martial law. we must not give him reasons.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Vomiting It All Up
Sorry…I’m cleaning out my downloads folder today.
“Fuck You, Make Me” Without Saying The Words
Elizabeth Lopatto, writing at The Verge, “Tim Cook and Sundar Pichai Are Cowards”:
Since X’s users started using Grok to undress women and children using deepfake images, I have been waiting for what I assumed would be inevitable: X getting booted from Apple’s and Google’s app stores. The fact that it hasn’t happened yet tells me something serious about Silicon Valley’s leadership: Tim Cook and Sundar Pichai are spineless cowards who are terrified of Elon Musk.
Lopatto’s outrage and righteous anger are justified, but I think mostly misdirected. Apple and Google — and thus, Cook and Pichai, as the men who sit behind the desks where the buck stops at both companies — are culpable. But this is ultimately not about them, and not about Musk. It’s Trump, as president, they fear. Not Musk. And they are correct to fear Trump.
Year one of Trump 2.0 has crystallized what had become — after decades of deliberate restraint after World War II, and even more so after the end of the Cold War — overlooked. The Presidency of the United States bestows upon its officeholder enormous, unparalleled, power. No one was afraid of Trump after he lost to Joe Biden in 2020. The man was convicted of 34 felonies in a cold New York City courtroom in May 2024, a mere 19 months ago. Trump expected and asked for riots outside the courtroom. He got nothing but pathetic support from a handful of kooks. A year earlier, he lost a humiliating sexual assault civil lawsuit to E. Jean Carrol. Trump, just a year and a half ago, was a buffoon getting his mug shot taken. Today he’s arguing that his power is unchecked by anything other than his own sense of morality.
No other president has ever abused (or, if you support him, wielded) the powers of the office like Trump has. The power and influence of Tim Cook and Sundar Pichai, CEOs of two of the top five companies in the world, isn’t merely superseded by Trump’s power and influence as president. Their power and influence are dwarfed by Trump’s. Any credible argument about how they should act must acknowledge that profound imbalance.
Lopatto, in her closing:
I never want to hear any moral grandstanding from these boys ever again. The next time Tim Cook says “privacy is a human right,” the only possible response is to laugh in his face. I mean, Apple and Google are fine distributing an app that has created an undressed image Grok made of Renee Nicole Good, the mother who was shot by ICE in Minneapolis. How do you plan to defend getting rid of the ICEBlock app while allowing X to generate degrading images of a woman ICE killed? Can Apple and Google even identify their values beyond their commitment to “shareholder value”? What’s your fucking endgame here, guys?
The profound power imbalance here is frustrating. But also terrifying. It’s folly to think these CEOs should steer their companies into direct confrontation with Trump. It would do no ultimate good for Apple or Google to burn themselves to the ground in protest. These men aren’t beholden to shareholders, per se. They’re doing their duty to institutions they’ve devoted their lives to. Companies that are worth preserving and protecting. Perhaps not in your estimation, but certainly from theirs.
But abject obsequiousness — which more and more seems the path Cook and Pichai are choosing — is no more justifiable a response than corporate suicide. The situation is not binary: acquiescence or war. There is a broad middle ground, founded on principle.
Disney’s response to the Jimmy Kimmel controversy a few months ago shows the way. Defend the company’s principles while simultaneously defending the company from Trump’s demented wrath. You can take the position of “Fuck you, make me” without ever saying those words. Objection is not confrontation. Do the right thing and enforce the App Store and Play Store guidelines, and remove X and Grok from the stores. Make Musk object. Make the Trump administration object. Make them defend the indefensible — in public. Make clear why the apps were removed from the app stores and force Musk — and Trump, if he chooses — to argue that those things are A-OK by them. In court.
The judicious path for Apple and Google (and every other U.S. company) may well be to obey the law, even when the law is being actively corrupted. But the correct path is not to obey in advance. Stand behind the law while the law still exists on your side. Disney resisted Trump’s preposterous demand that they fire Jimmy Kimmel without lasting controversy, simply by standing firm in their conviction. Apple and Google could certainly do the same regarding apps that are being used to generate CSAM and deepfake harassment, regardless if the apps are part of the private fiefdom of Trump’s ally Elon Musk. It’s wise for Cook and Pichai to pick their battles. This one, I think, is worth picking. This is a moment when the App Store and Play Store can stand firmly on the side of longstanding and correct societal norms.
[source]
Our Modern Day Cassandra
“Imagine Donald Trump with no guardrails, and how he would use the immense powers of the presidency of the United States. Not to improve your life, not to strengthen our national security, but to serve the only client he has ever had: himself.”
I’m done with this timeline. I want to live in the one where this woman is leading the United States.
Yup.
Vomiting It All Up
No Shit!
There Are No Words To Describe How Much I Despise Trump
folks, the president’s brain has left the station. I’m not sure it’s ever coming back.
Upgrade to paid
after its long holiday break, Congress was back in session yesterday — and Mad King Donny chose to mark the occasion by giving what might charitably be called a ‘speech’ to Congressional Republicans.
I have no idea what cocktail of drugs his handlers pumped him full of, but holy fucking shit.
Republicans, how the fuck are you not embarrassed by this?
pink hair, orange face, three chins, delicate little white porcelain doll hands, and a brain that’s out there wandering where the buses don’t run. the GOP’s beloved Dear Leader is a clown — but you couldn’t possibly hire him to entertain a child’s birthday party, because he would just terrify the crap out of everyone.
as is his usual wont, Preznit Fuckwit rambled incoherently for an hour and a half, blithering about fever-swamp hallucinations that exist only inside his big, dumb pumpkin head.
“they are mean, and smart. but fortunately for you, they have horrible policies. they can be smart as— can be. but when they want open borders, when they want, as I said, men in women’s sports. when they want [waves his arms] TRANSGENDER FOR EVERYONE! bring your kids in, we’re gonna change the sex of your child. just send them our way. in some cases, LIKE IN MINNESOTA, they don’t even tell the parents, is that right? and nobody believes it when I say it. I think we have six states. nobody— am I correct? it’s true. when the kid comes back— they keep the kid— they operate on this kid, they don’t tell the parents. it’s not— believable.”
fact check:
how were the men in the white coats with the butterfly nets not chasing Donny off the stage after that crazypants soliloquy?
for those of you keeping score at home, they’re eating the dawgs, they’re eating the cats, they fraudstering the daycare centers — and they’re transgendering everything in sight.
but Donny’s speech wasn’t all batshittery. he also threatened us all with a good time.
“you gotta win the midterms. because if we don’t win the midterms— it’s just gotta be— I mean, they’ll find a reason to impeach me. I’ll get impeached.”
no fucking shit, Sherlock.
that clip alone should motivate every Democrat to run to the polls this November — because the quickest way to put an end to all this fascist fuckstickery is for the Democrats to retake the House, and gain a supermajority in the Senate.
now tell me — what the fuck is this?
“she hates when I dance. I said, ‘everybody wants me to dance.’ ‘darling, it’s not presidential.’ she actually said, ‘could you imagine FDR dancing?’ she said that to me. and I said, there’s a long history that perhaps— she doesn’t know. because he was an elegant fellow. even as a Democrat, right? he was— the attack by Japan, you know, he was quite elegant. but he wouldn’t be doing this. but— but— [laughs] nor would— too many others. but she says ‘darling, please. the weightlifting is terrible.’”
neither Donny nor Melania have any idea that FDR was confined to a wheelchair, do they? for a second there, I thought Donny was going to point out her error, but then the coked-up squirrel running around in his head chewed through the wrong wire, and what seeped instead out of his rancid anus-mouth was ‘the attack by Japan, you know, he was quite elegant.’
come on, that’s not even a coherent sentence by any stretch of the imagination. where are the men with the butterfly nets?
by the way, this is the Melania version of a ‘sir’ story. you know it never actually happened, because there’s no way Donny’s Slovenian rent-a-wife would ever call him ‘darling.’ she hates his guts.
Donny sure is convinced of his own dancing prowess. he never shuts the fuck up about it. has Donny ever actually seen himself doing his ‘jacking off two invisible giraffes’ dance?
he should be embarrassed by that shit — but he’s not. he’s super fucking proud of it. in fact, have you heard the latest? apparently, Donny’s hella pissed at Nicolás Maduro for — hold onto your hat — stealing his dance moves.
President Trump accused Nicolás Maduro of attempting to steal his famed dance moves after reports that the White House believed the deposed dictator was mocking the US.
what the fuck is this thin-skinned bastard whining about now? aside from the fact that here we have two authoritarian idiots who have no idea how to dance, how are these the same?
it’s truly stunning how many grudges Donny has running around in his noggin. how does he keep them all straight?
so, is this the true Donroe Doctrine? ‘you steal my dance, I steal your oil’?
because Donny is def stealing Venezuela’s oil.
I am pleased to announce that the Interim Authorities in Venezuela will be turning over between 30 and 50 MILLION Barrels of High Quality, Sanctioned Oil, to the United States of America. This Oil will be sold at its Market Price, and that money will be controlled by me, as President of the United States of America, to ensure it is used to benefit the people of Venezuela and the United States! I have asked Energy Secretary Chris Wright to execute this plan, immediately. It will be taken by storage ships, and brought directly to unloading docks in the United States. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
DONALD J. TRUMP
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
what the fuck? Donny’s just going ‘mine now,’ and straight up absconding with Venezuela’s oil, giving them jack shit in return?
or course, Donny doesn’t see this as stealing, because he’s conveniently convinced himself that all that oil is actually his, and fuck those wily Venezuelans for very sneakily putting all their land on top of his oil. what the hell, Venezuela?
again, where are the men with the butterfly nets? because his farcical insistence that ‘all that Venezuelan oil has been stolen from America, and we’re just taking it back’ is just as bonkers as believing that doctors in Minnesota are transgendering the shit out of everyone in sight.
of course, none of this fuckery is legal — or constitutional. Donny can’t just extort another country’s natural resources, like some mobster going ‘nice country you got here. be a real shame if something were to happen to it.’ he can’t sell off all that oil and stick it in some mysterious bank account, to spend it as he — and he alone — sees fit. collecting and allocating funds is Congress’ job. it’s right there in the fucking Constitution.
but there I go again, prattling on about what Donny can’t do. Congressional Republicans aren’t going to stop him. they’ve completely abdicated their responsibilities. why did Holy Mike Johnson even bother to gavel Congress back into session, if they’re going to go sit there like useless lumps?
by the way, ‘30 to 50 million barrels of oil’ may sound like a ginormous amount, but it’s not. America burns through about 20 million barrels of the stuff every day. all that shit’s gonna be gone in two or three days — and Donny will be back at Venezuela’s door, like a junkie hankering for a fix.
all this is pretty dreary shit, so let’s take a break, grab some popcorn, and enjoy some Republican-on-Republican violence.
Matt Gaetz: “when did Dan Bongino run for office and how did he perform as a candidate?”
Dan Bingo-Bongo Bongino: “Maybe if I spent more time at shady parties with monied insiders I would’ve won. I heard you’d know a bit about that. You’ve always been a dick by the way. Grifting off your daddy like a suckling little doggie. When I first met you in the panhandle I knew you were a piece of shit. It’s written all over that phony face of yours.”
does Matty Plankhead indeed have a phony face? let’s do a quick fact check.
yes, he does.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Happy January 6th Everyone!! May Donald Trump Rot In Hell!
We’re Waiting…
Jesus Fucking Christ
They’re all absolute idiots.
Pam Bondi knows that American laws do not apply outside of America’s borders, right? RIGHT?!
Right?!
A Fitting Illustration
They’re DELUSIONAL
Sunday Tiedrich
when talking about yesterday’s smash-and-grab escapade in Venezuela — and the plunder to come — where do we even start? with how lawless it is? because it absolutely is completely fucking illegal — and unconstitutional.
with how insane it is? because it’s off-the-charts crazypants.
with how unnecessary it is? the American people didn’t vote for this.
with how unrealistic the goals are? of course it’s all unrealistic. Donny and his toadies live in a fantasy world.
with how it’s just a naked grab for Venezuela’s oil? no fucking shit, Sherlock.
how about we start here: let’s talk about how impaired and unfit for office Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is — because he could barely stay awake during his own victory lap.
as soon as someone else started talking, Preznit Fuckwit started sawing logs — while standing up. who says Dear Leader isn’t a man of many talents?
as Donald Rumsfeld so wisely counseled us during the Iraq debacle, sometimes you go to war with the narcoleptic fart factory you have, not the narcoleptic fart factory you want.
for fuck’s sake, what’s with all the slurring?
“the United Sases militareese the strongest and most fearsome military on the planet by far, with capabiliseesanshkills our enemies can— [long pause] scarshely begin to imagine.”
oh come on. this is so embarrassing. Donny can no longer read. his brain is fried. maybe he should stick to what he’s good at: pointing at a drawing of a camel. can someone get Dear Leader a pudding cup and lead him back to his room? he should be in bed, not overseeing a war.
hey, you know who’s going to be running Venezuela now? Donny is.
“we’re going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper, and judicious transition.”
oh, how lovely. the shitwit with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel — who acts first and thinks never — is now going to two running two countries at the same time. the business genius who, as his fifth consecutive casino went bankrupt, said ‘let’s open a sixth’ is going to be making decisions about two ginormous economies — all while shopping for marble for his vulgar Epstein Dance Hall where the East Wing used to be.
yeah, right.
now here’s a question: who the fuck is running Venezuela right this very second?
Donny doesn’t know, or apparently even seem to care.
Trump: “There is nobody to take over. You have a vice president who has been appointed by Maduro. She’s I guess the president. She was sworn in just a little while ago. She had a long conversation with Marco and she said, ‘We’ll do whatever you need.’ She really doesn’t have a choice.”
in fact, the Venezuelan Veep has already told Donny to go fuck himself.
Venezuela’s Vice President Delcy Rodríguez condemned the U.S. attack and capture of President Nicolás Maduro on Saturday, saying in a televised address the nation “will never return to being the colony of another empire.”
Rodriguez insists that Maduro is still Venezuela’s president.
“There is only one president in Venezuela, and his name is Nicolas Maduro Moros,” Rodriguez said in a televised address to Venezuelans hours after the U.S. strikes and Maduro’s capture.
and according to Reuters, Rodriguez is in Russia right now.
Venezuelan Vice President Delcy Rodriguez is in Russia, four sources familiar with her movements said on Saturday, after President Donald Trump said President Nicolas Maduro had been seized by U.S. forces after an attack on the country.
so, again, who is running the country?
Donny’s already thrown the opposition leader under the bus.
Trump on María Corina Machado: “I think it’d be very tough for her to be the leader. She doesn’t have the support or the respect within the country. She’s a very nice woman but she doesn’t have the respect.”
the thin-skinned bastard is still big mad that Machado won the Nobel Peace Prize and he didn’t, isn’t he?
this plundering of Venezuela going to be a fucking disaster — and not the fun, entertaining, Stephen-Colbert-eating-popcorn kind of disaster.
it’s going to be a five-alarm shit-show, complete with chaos and suffering civilians.
back in November, The New York Times actually committed a journalism and ran a long piece about how during Donny’s first term, the military ran a simulation on what would happen if the US ousted Maduro. their conclusion was that it would be a clusterfuck.
but Donny doesn’t give a shit about any possible turmoil and violence among the Venezuelan people. Venezuelans can go fuck themselves sideways, as far as Donny’s concerned. he’s made it very clear that this is all about grabbing that sweet, sweet crude.
Fox & Friends: “what do you see as the future of Venezuela’s oil industry?”
Donny: “well I see that we’re gonna be very strongly involved in it. that’s all. what can I say. we have the greatest oil companies in the world.”
and — oh look — the ‘greatest oil companies in the world’ are already on the job.
Officials from top Wall Street firms will be traveling to Venezuela to investigate “investment prospects” of the country. “The trip will feature about 20 officials from the finance, energy and defense sectors.”
hey, remember that deal Donny made with oil executives back during his campaign? the one where he said ‘give me a billion dollars and I’ll take care of you’?
well, here’s your quid for that bit of pro quo. it’s all so fucking corrupt, and it’s going on right under our noses.
but Donny, who’s going to pay for all this shit?
reporter: “is it possible that the US ends up administering Venezuela for years?”
Donny: “well, you know, it won’t cost us anything because the money coming out of the ground is very substantial.”
oh lord, how fucking delusional. ‘the war going to pay for itself.’ gee, where have we heard this before? oh, yeah: back when Dick Cheney and his merry band of fuckface neocons decided to plunder Iraq. every single one of those shitbags bragged about how their awesome adventure was going to pay for itself.
“Iraq is a very wealthy country. Enormous oil reserves. They can finance, largely finance the reconstruction of their own country. And I have no doubt that they will.”
— Richard Perle, chair
The Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board
July 11, 2002
spoiler alert: the Iraq War ended up costing us over three trillion dollars.
hey, New York Times Editorial Board, could you explain to the nice people why Donny’s lawless adventurism sets a horrendous example for the rest of the world?
“By proceeding without any semblance of international legitimacy, valid legal authority or domestic endorsement, Mr. Trump risks providing justification for authoritarians in China, Russia and elsewhere who want to dominate their own neighbors.”
exactly. Donny bombing the shit out of Venezuela and going ‘mine now’ — because reasons — is no different than Putin’s war on Ukraine.
what are we going to say if Xi decides to roll tanks into Taiwan? spoiler alert: we’re not going to be able to say shit — because the US is now a rogue nation.
so much for Saint Reagan’s vision of America as a ‘shining city on a hill.’ awesome job, Donny, we’re now a pariah state. take another victory lap.
oh shit, they are taking another victory lap. they’re already drooling over the prospect of the next war.
Rubio: “If I lived in Havana in the government, I’d be concerned.”
how about Marco Rubio take his unearned hubris and shove it where the sun don’t shine?
maybe win the first war first, you arrogant fools.
you know who could put an end to this fuckery in a heartbeat? Congressional Republicans, by using their Constitutionally-mandated powers to authorize wars — but they’re not going to. in fact, they’ve already rolled right the fuck over.
Tom Cotton: “Congress isn’t notified when the FBI is going to arrest a drug trafficker or cyber criminal here in the US, nor should Congress be notified when the executive branch is executing arrests on indicted persons. and that’s really what you can make the analogy to here.”
that, folks, is how the Republicans are justifying allowing Donny to do whatever the fuck he wants — by pretending that this isn’t a war, it’s a law enforcement action.
‘war? what war? do you see a war anywhere? this is just Donny carrying out an arrest warrant for Maduro and his wife. we’re powerless to stop that shit. who says it’s a war?’
fuck off, you cowards.
now let’s talk about the Democratic response to Donny’s lawless fuckery, because there are two ways to go about it: the right way, and the Chuck Schumer way.
here’s the right way:
Rep. Seth Moulton: “is anyone going to just stop for a second and be honest? this is insane. what the hell are we doing? we’ve got a lot of problems in America today, and invading, occupying, running Venezuela does not solve any of them.”
thank you, Rep. Moulton. we’re all standing with you.
now here’s the Chuck Schumer way.
Asked about the possibility of impeachment, Schumer says ‘we hope that we can have support from our Republican colleagues to put a brake on this long before it gets that far.’”
oh fuck straight off to the moon and back, Chuckles. how fucking naive can one person be? on what planet are Republicans are going to put a breakon this? did you not hear what Tom Cotton just said, you hayseed?
let’s be clear-eyed about our Senate Minority Leader: Schumer’s a great guy to have around if there’s absolutely nothing at stake. need someone to speak at the dedication of a new post office? Chuck’s your man. need someone to make sure all the procedural i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed in some piece of shrimp boat legislation? here comes Chuck!
but Schumer isn’t a fighter. he never has been. right now, he should be screaming his head off about impeachement. that’s what Republicans would be doing if it were Joe Biden smashing and grabbing in South America. but instead, he’s making weak mewling noises about ‘support from our Republican colleagues.’ what the fuck?
Chuck Schumer just isn’t up to the task. it’s time for him to retire.
finally, let’s talk about how hastily this war was thrown together — because it did seem rushed, didn’t it? and those stage-managed photos going around, of Donny and Liddle Marco and Flippy McCrushnuts, acting all warlike and stuff?
that’s not the White House Situation Room. nor is it a secure SCIF, where classified intel can be discussed without fear of leaks.
for fuck’s sake, it’s the dining room of Motel-a-Lago, partitioned with black sheets. anyone wandering past, on their way to breakfast, could have heard what was going on.
how fucking rinky-dink is that?
so, why did this thing have to happen in the dead of night during New Year’s weekend?
it’s all about the timing.
Congress is back in session this week, and they have a lot of stuff on their plate — stuff Donny doesn’t want them dealing with. like the Epstein Files, for which the DOJ just missed another deadline. then there are the Obamacare subsidies, which expired four days ago.
fuck’s sake, there’s another possible government shutdown looming on January 30 — that needs to be dealt with, too.
but now, all anyone is going to be talking about is Venezuela.
that’s pretty convenient, isn’t it?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Vomiting It All Up
Can I Help You Pack?
