Oh Noes! Elon's Having Another Big Sad. Boo Fucking Hoo

From Jeff Tiedrich:

'nobody likes me, wah wah wah'

imagine what you could do if you had more money than god. one way to play it would be to fuck off and never be heard from again, and quietly enjoy a world of limitless possibilities. on the other hand, think of all the good you could do as a humanitarian. you could fund programs to end hunger, or cure disease. want to be remembered forever? build libraries, universities and hospitals, and slap your name on them, so your legacy lives on after you're gone.

or — if none of that shit is for you — you could just be some broken-inside asshole who never stops whining about being insufficiently worshiped.

the Academy Award for self-pity goes to

"I mean, you have Tim Walz, who's a huge jerk, you know, running around on stage with the Tesla stock price, where the stock price had gone in half. and he was overjoyed. what an evil thing to do. what a creep. what a jerk. like, who derives joy from that?"

who wants to tell him?

dude. all of us. we're all deriving joy from that.

we're all sitting here watching Tesla's stock price plummet like Wile E. Coyote off the end of the cliff — and that shit is fucking hilarious.

Elon, have you seriously never seen a movie or a TV show? people love that shit, when the bully gets his comeuppance. it's the plot of every teen comedy from the 1980s.

and oh fucking boy, have you been a bully.

nobody voted for you, bro — yet here you are, in all of our faces. you used your obscene generational wealth to buy yourself a government, and treat it like your own personal plaything.

you and your merry band of pimply teenage incels broke shit. you fired people, without cause, and without bothering to first find out what they did — and then you looked like a fool when you had to scramble to hire them back because it turned out they vital, necessary shit like maintain the government's nuke stockpile.

hey Elon, remember this guy?

that's Ned Johnson. he's 82 and very much alive, but your flying monkey incels declared him dead and canceled his Social Security — because they didn't understand the data they were looking at, and didn't bother to ask anyone to explain it to them.

people see this shit happening — and then they see you fucking off to Motel-a-Lago, higher than a goddamned kite, playing with silverware.

you're having the time of your life while the people whose lives you've turned upside down can't get anyone to answer the phone at Social Security because you've pared their staff down to the bone.

on top of all that, you're a penny-ante con man.

Somehow, four Tesla-owned dealerships reported to the Canadian government that they sold an astonishing 8,653 cars during a single weekend in January — enough to qualify for 43 million Canadian dollars' (about $30 million) worth of government subsidies under a program just before it expired.

Now the Canadian government wants to know exactly how the electric carmaker managed to move two cars a minute off its lots — a rate that assumes those four dealers had stayed open 24 hours from Jan. 10 to Jan. 12.

can you explain that, Elon? those must be some awesome fucking salespeople, to sell two cars a minute for 72 straight hours. I hope you gave them all raises.

you want people to stop loathing you, Elon? then stop giving them reasons.

people are pissed. that's why they laugh when your stock goes tits-up.

and that's why they've been taking to the streets.

here's a #TeslaTakeown protest from yesterday, in Glendale, CA.

here's another #TeslaTakedown from yesterday, in Columbus, OH.

look, Elon. do you want to be liked? build a library. fund a cure for cancer.

stop whining. stop pretending you're the victim. stop demanding to be worshiped.

and for fuck's sake, own up to your bullshit.

"The goal of the left is to destroy my influence. So they relentlessly push negative propaganda about me like the fake Nazi stuff and ignore anything positive. They are evil."

fake Nazi stuff? homeslice, we all saw you sieg heil.

how hard it is to say 'yeah, that was kinda fucked up. I won't do it again'?

hey, everyone — President Nine Iron won himself another golf tournament!

"I just played a round of Golf with Alexander Stubb, President of Finland. He is a very good player, and we won the Men's Member-Guest Golf Tournament at Trump International Golf Club in Palm Beach County, with the Legendary Gary Player, Senator Lindsey Graham, and former Congressman and highly successful Television Host, Trey Gowdy. President Stubb and I look forward to strengthening the partnership between the United States and Finland, and that includes the purchase and development of a large number of badly needed Icebreakers for the U.S., delivering Peace and International Security for our Countries, and the World. President Stubb told me, in the most powerful of words, that the United States is STRONG, and BACK, AGAIN. I AGREE!"

so that makes seventeen hundred skilliontly consecutive championships that Donny has won at one of his vermin-infested golf motels.

but here's a fun fact regarding Donny's boast about scoring a shitload of polar icebreaking vessels from Finland: he's taking credit for a pact negotiated and signed by the Sleepy Joe Brandon administration, back in November of last year.

Canada's also part of the deal, but Donny left that part out — because he's still throwing a big hissy over their refusal to become America's hat.

I look forward to next weekend, when Donny plays golf with Napoleon and takes credit for the Louisiana Purchase.

Words of Wisdom

For those who are stressed out and depressed by reading about politics, but don't want to completely block it out and risk being uninformed, here's a tip: Focus your reading on solutions, not problems. Read only articles and posts about what is being done to solve the problems we face, or about what should be done about them — about those who are fighting back against Trump's depredations in various ways, how you can help do so, how the Democrats need to change in order to win elections in the future, and suchlike. Skip the ones that are basically just "here are all the latest terrible things that are happening" or "here's yet another example of how bad and awful and terrible Trump is". You already know bad things are happening and you already know Trump is awful. Wallow­ing in more of that will just depress you further while providing nothing positive. Reading exclusively about resistance and positive action will keep you still informed but a lot less stressed out. – Infidel753

[Thanks Rick]

Relaying A Message

Mark Elias: An Open Letter to Elon Musk

(via http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/)

Elon Musk attacked democracy defender and superstar court lawyer Marc Elias as "undermining civilization," taunting him by asking if he suffered "generational trauma" and Elias's response was brilliant and worth amplifying:

Mr. Musk,

You recently criticized me and another prominent lawyer fighting for the rule of law and democracy in the United States. I am used to being attacked for my work, particularly on the platform you own and dominate.

I used to be a regular on Twitter, where I amassed over 900,000 followers—all organic except for the right-wing bots who seemed to grow in number. Like many others, I stopped regularly posting on the site because, under your stewardship, it became a hellscape of hate and misinformation.

I also used to buy your cars—first a Model X and then a Model S—back when you spoke optimistically about solving the climate crisis. My family no longer owns any of your cars and never will.

But this is not the reason I am writing. You don't know me. You have no idea whether I have suffered trauma and if I have, how it has manifested. And it's none of your business.

However, I will address your last point about generational trauma. I am Jewish, though many on your site simply call me "a jew." Honestly, it's often worse than that, but I'm sure you get the point. There was a time when Twitter would remove antisemitic posts, but under your leadership, tolerating the world's oldest hatred now seems to be a permissible part of your "free speech" agenda.

Like many Jewish families, mine came to America because of trauma. They were fleeing persecution in the Pale of Settlement—the only area in the Russian Empire where Jews were legally allowed to reside. Even there, life was difficult—often traumatic. My family, like others, lived in a shtetl and was poor. Worse, pogroms were common—violent riots in which Jews were beaten, killed and expelled from their villages.

By the time my family fled, life in the Pale had become all but impossible for Jews. Tsar Nicholas II's government spread anti-Jewish propaganda that encouraged Russians to attack and steal from Jews in their communities. My great-grandfather was fortunate to leave when he did. Those who stayed faced even worse circumstances when Hitler's army later invaded.

That is the generational trauma I carry. The trauma of being treated as "other" by countrymen you once thought were your friends. The trauma of being scapegoated by authoritarian leaders. The trauma of fleeing while millions of others were systematically murdered. The trauma of watching powerful men treat it all as a joke—or worse.

As an immigrant yourself, you can no doubt sympathize with what it means to leave behind your country, extended family, friends and neighbors to come to the United States. Of course, you probably had more than 86 rubles in your pocket. You probably didn't ride for nine days in the bottom of a ship or have your surname changed by immigration officials.

As new immigrants, life wasn't easy. My family lived in cramped housing without hot water. They worked menial jobs—the kind immigrants still perform today.

Some may look down on those immigrants—the ones without fancy degrees—but my family was proud to work and grateful that the United States took them in. They found support within their Jewish community and a political home in the Democratic Party.

I became a lawyer to give back to the country that gave my family a chance. I specialize in representing Democratic campaigns because I believe in the party. I litigate voting rights cases because the right to vote is the bedrock of our democracy. I speak out about free and fair elections because they are under threat.

Now let me address the real crux of your post.

You are very rich and very powerful. You have thrown in with [The Felon]. Whether it is because you think you can control him or because you share his authoritarian vision, I do not know. I do not care.

Together, you and he are dismantling our government, undermining the rule of law and harming the most vulnerable in our society. I am just a lawyer. I do not have your wealth or your platform. I do not control the vast power of the federal government, nor do I have millions of adherents at my disposal to harass and intimidate my opponents. I may even carry generational trauma.

But you need to know this about me. I am the great-grandson of a man who led his family out of the shtetl to a strange land in search of a better life. I am the grandson of the three-year-old boy on that journey. As you know, my English name is Marc, but my Hebrew name is Elhanan (אֶלְחָנָן)—after the great warrior in David's army who slew a powerful giant.

I will use every tool at my disposal to protect this country from [The Felon]. I will litigate to defend voting rights until there are no cases left to bring. I will speak out against authoritarianism until my last breath.

I will not back down. I will not bow or scrape. I will never obey.

Defiantly,

Marc Elias

The Week In Stupid

From Jeff Tiedrich:

monday: ai yi yi

what the fuck is this nightmare fuel?

"Elon Musk is a family man
The safest place on Earth is in their arms.
Moments like these become priceless memories."

notice anything weird about the Space Nazi's 'family'? that's right, they're not the flesh-and-blood kind — they're the vomited-out-by-some-hellish-AIkind. by some miracle, the one hand we see in that pic has the correct number of fingers on it.

apparently there is an entire cottage industry of keyboard warriors churning out dozens of computer-generated images of the Space Nazi surrounded by imaginary families.

excuse me, but what the fuck is going on with the face of Inbred McYokel in the blue denim jacket?

make no mistake. the Space Nazi is not a 'family man' — he's a turbocharged sperm donor who has made it his mission in life to squirt out as many replicants has he can — with as many women as possible — in some racist race to out-breed the swarthy hordes. however, once the little kidlets are out of the oven, he forgets about them. if Elon were a 'family man,' there would be photographic evidence, and his legion of fan-boys wouldn't have to rely on gruesome AI-generated hocus-pocus.

in fact, the only one of his demon spawn that Elon takes any interest in at all is the Crown Prince Snotwiper.

but apparently Elon's now outsourced the raising of the Crown Prince to Dear Leader. god help him.

 


tuesday: 100% of morons make my head hurt

try to read this next item without your blood pressure spiking — because hey, guess who just woke up to the fact that America pretty much fucking sucks now.

that's right, a whopping 83% of PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T VOTE IN 2024 are unhappy with how unfettered fascism is working out for them.

I can't even.

folks, I'd like to propose a new rule: if you didn't vote, you don't get to fucking complain. in fact, if you didn't vote, please stand in the corner and face the wall for the next four years and think about what you've done.


wednesday: look who sucks

uh oh, noises are coming out of Fox News found object Jesse Watters' face-hole again.

"I have rules for men. like you don't eat soup in public. you don't cross your legs. and you don't drink from a straw. his excuse was I was drinking a milk shake. again, you shouldn't be drinking a milk shake. milk shakes are for kids."

I have a rule for Jesse Watters: shut the fuck up.

guys, can we talk? the last thing anyone needs to be doing is living their lives to dictates of some toxic Fox News meathead. no well-adjusted dude thinks about any of this shit. you want to suck on a straw? then fucking suck on a straw. who gives a shit? worrying what other people think doesn't make you manly — it makes you weak, insecure and fragile.

right, Jesse?


thursday: we don't need no edumocation

thursday was the day that Donny Convict pretended to abolish the Department of Education.

spoiler alert: he can't — to actually do so would require an Act of Congress.

regardless, all the Sewer Clowns fanned out to wax romantic about how super fucking awesome it's going to be once America no longer has any national standards for educating its children.

pictured: happy schoolchildren in Georgia, circa 1909

even the Space Nazi got into the act — but folks, can we all just agree that if you want to dance on the Department of Education's grave, that you at least learn how to spell 'department'? because otherwise, you might look like a fucking imbecile.

oh dear.

and should any of us really be surprised that down there in America's dangly bit — the swampy state of Florida — their own Departmen(t) of Education can't spell 'twelfth'?


friday: gone with the windbag

oh joy of joys, the Space Nazi's dad is back in the news. when last we checked in with good old Errol Musk, he was managing to be racist, homophobic and transphobic at the same time.

"Obama's a queer, married to a man who dresses as a woman."

isn't Errol a charmer? well, homeboy's found a new way to cover himself with glory.

Errol Musk, the father of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, believes that his son can't be racist due to his past relationships with "Black servants" who worked for the family in apartheid South Africa.

'we can't be racist, all our servants were black' is such a persuasive argument, can't you agree? oh, and according to Errol, apartheid was pretty fucking amazing — if you had the foresight to be born white.

"We lived in a very well-run, law-abiding country with virtually no crime at all," he said. "Actually no crime. We had several black servants who were their friends."

we've tracked down an exclusive photo of Elon O'Musk and his childhood best friend, Mammy.


saturday: ?

hey, it's still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do.

Oh Look!

The email list of DOGE employees—including Feelon Musk! I wonder what anyone could ever do with that? 😈