Category: Fuck Elon Musk

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Pete Kegstand and the Ketamine Kid teach a master class in fucking

From Jeff Tiedrich:

weird how nothing is ever their fault

here's a thought experiment.

let's say that you had amassed the hugest fucking fortune ever known to humankind. now lets say that, in a ketamine-soaked haze, you set out to squander that fortune. how would you do it?

— would you back a presidential candidate hell-bent on wrecking the world's economy, taking your own companies down with it?
— would you take a chainsaw to essential government services, triggering massive protests and boycotts against the janky products you sell?
— would you become the literal face of modern day Nazism?

if you're the Space Nazi, lucky you! you've accomplished all three, and hit the trifecta! who says Elon isn't a visionary?

Tesla's profits fell 71% over the first three months of this year, a company earnings release on Tuesday showed. The company's performance fell short of analysts' expectations.

71%, is that a lot? I guess it must be, because now Elon is sad. so, so very sad. look at how completely fucking sad Elon is.

weird how even convincing a demented elderly golfer to turn the White House into a car dealership isn't saving the Tesla brand.

I guess Elon forgot about the part where everything Donny touches, dies.

and the news just keeps getting worse for the Space Nazi.

Elon Musk, the chief executive of Tesla, said on Tuesday that China's halt on exports of certain magnets was affecting his plans to build humanoid robots, in the clearest signal yet that China's action is beginning to affect big American businesses.

I'll bet it totally fucking sucks when the fallout from President Tradewar's boneheaded tariff polices rains down on one's own ketamine-curdled head.

that sure was a quarter-billion dollars well spent, getting this guy elected, wasn't it, Elon? you know that Elon totally figured he could control Donny through the sheer force of will — but he keeps forgetting about the part where everything Donny touches, dies.

here's a fun new development: now that nobody likes Elon any more, he's going to take all his toys and go home.

Elon Musk is reportedly set to leave his government role because he's tired of what he sees as a litany of vicious and unethical attacks from the left, according to a report from The Washington Post.

do these tiresome diaper-babies never stop whining? can they never once take responsibility for their own fuck-ups?

spoiler alert: no, they can't. in MAGA world, nothing is ever their own fault.

it's always someone else. the women. the blacks. the immigrants. the gays. the transgenders.

in his own mind, Elon didn't become one of the most-loathed people on the planet because he set out to destroy the one thing most people depend: essential government services. it wasn't because he helped Donny Convict bring fascism to America. and it certainly wasn't because he practically moved into Motel-a-Lago, where, high as a kite, he played with silverware like the privileged asshole he is, while the world burned.

no, it happened because of "vicious and unethical attacks from the left."

oh, boo fucking hoo.

all I can say is, if Elon is actually leaving politics because of all the 'attacks' from the left, well then I'm pleased to have done my part.

let's serenade Elon out with some of his favorite South African apartheid-era melodies, played on the world's tiniest violin.

meanwhile, over at the Pentagon, here's another mediocre white dude who can't ever take responsibility for anything.

Plastered Pete Kegstand continues to dig himself ever deeper. remember two days ago, when we were all warned that even worse shit was about to come to light?

well, here's the first drip of what will no doubt be a torrent.

long story short: you know all those war plans that Kegstand keeps claiming he never ever shared with his wife, family, lawyer, and a journalist from the Atlantic, while at the same time claiming that it was totes ok to share them, because they weren't classified?

well, it turns out that yes indeedy, Kegstand got those war plans off a classified server, copied and pasted them onto his personal phone, and then oopsies! fumblefingered them all over the place.

But then Hegseth used his personal phone to send some of the same information Kurilla had given him to at least two group text chats on the Signal messaging app, three U.S. officials with direct knowledge of the exchanges told NBC News.

but here's the one important thing you need to know about Kegstand's breach of protocol: it wasn't his fault — because nothing is never MAGA's fault.

watch Fox News morning bobblehead Brian Kilmeade hand-wave all this shit away.

"it could be part of a learning curve."

a learning curve. oh, okay. well, that clears everything up. this whole little ahem misunderstanding happened because nobody told Pete it was wrong to share classified war plans with randos in his contact list. he had to learn.

look, Piss-Drunk Pete has to plead ignorance on this thing. because if anyone had said anything at all to him when he first started at the Department of Defense that that sort of thing was frowned upon…

pro tip: when your only qualification for your job is that you're a white dude with christofascist tattoos who Donny saw kissing his ass on Fox News, everything is a learning curve.

that's the whole reason, y'know, that Secretary of Defense picks are generally lifetime military experts, and not Fox News chat-show dumb-asses who need to be schooled in the most basic aspects of classified document protocol.

but Plastered Pete isn't going to let a silly little fuck-up keep him from doing what he imagines is his job.

"… and get along to go along. and, y'know, start doing Meet the Press, and going to the Council on Foreign Relations and spending time with all the new-cocktail sipping crowd. that's not why I'm here. I'm here because President Trump asked me to bring warfighting back to the Pentagon, every single day. that is our focus."

I can report that warfighting is fucking pumped to be back. when we last saw warfighting, it was rummaging around in the dumpsters behind the Lincoln Memorial, looking for scraps of food — but Plastered Pete rescued warfighting, cleaned it up, gave it a hot meal and an office at the Pentagon.

remember this, though, as the Signalgate scandal intensifies: stop being mean to Pete. none of this is his fault. it's the disgruntled leakers. the hoaxers. the DEI. the learning curve. the Democrats.

here's some tiny violin for you, too, Pete. it's playing a Sousa military march as you decide who to blame next.

okay, let's get the fuck out of here on a high note.

remember Sarah Palin? how could you not? she's Ground Zero for how we got started in this mess. when she ran as John McCain's veep in 2008, she ushered in a whole new era of Big Fucking Dumb, wherein the stupidest people on the planet realized they, too, could get their face on TV by going into politics.

a few years ago, Sarah Palin desperately grasped for that 16th minute of fame by suing The New York Times for defamation.

the Times' crime? pointing out that it was a dumbfuck move to post a graphic of crosshairs over Democratic districts — including Gabby Giffords', who, you'll recall, ended up getting shot in the head by a would-be assassin.

The Times editorial argued there was a clear and direct link between the Arizona shooting and the political incitement arising from a digital graphic published in March 2010 by Palin's political action committee. The graphic was a map that superimposed crosshairs over 20 congressional districts represented by Democrats, including Giffords'.

fast forward to yesterday: she fucking lost.

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin lost her defamation retrial against The New York Times over a 2017 editorial she said damaged her reputation, Reuters reported on Tuesday.

The federal jury found the media company not liable after deliberating for about two hours.

enjoy your loss, Sarah. enjoy some tiny violin, while we serenade you back to well-earned obscurity.

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Elon Musk And The "Christian" Right Are Waging War On Empathy

"How we relate to the pain of others is a question that always lurks beneath our politics, but it's one that is particularly relevant now. In its first months, the Trump administration has begun to implement a radical rightwing regime featuring mass deportations without due process, draconian cuts to domestic and foreign aid programs, and venally self-interested foreign policy—a set of policies that amount to a prescription for mass suffering and death. Whether Trump succeeds or fails in his quest to remake US society is very much a question of how much of the pain of others Americans are willing to abide in the pursuit of making America great again.

The rightwing movement against empathy seeks to dismantle and discredit one of the essential tools for any society—our capacity to recognize and respond to suffering. We should see the campaign against empathy by Trump supporters for what it is: a flashing red light warning of fascist intent."

– Loathe thy neighbor: Elon Musk and the Christian Right are waging war on empathy

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1984's Thought Police Are Already Here

From Mock Paper Scissors:

The Desert Rat Fink Elon Musk

Elmo and the Incels has taken to hunt for 1984-style ThoughtCrime, which of course adds ThoughtPolice to their assorted CVs. And how are they doing this, you might ask yourselves?

AI, of course. One of its most obvious applications is to surveil your messages for disloyal thoughts and expressions.

"Trump administration officials have told some U.S. government employees that Elon Musk's DOGE team of technologists is using artificial intelligence to surveil at least one federal agency's communications for hostility to President Donald Trump and his agenda, said two people with knowledge of the matter."

"While much of Musk's Department of Government Efficiency remains shrouded in secrecy, the surveillance would mark an extraordinary use of technology to identify expressions of perceived disloyalty in a workforce already upended by widespread firings and severe cost cutting."

Of course, the irony here is that Big Balls et all are using Signal to avoid having their own communication and thought scraped by Grok:

"The DOGE team is also using the Signal app to communicate, according to one other person with direct knowledge of the matter, potentially violating federal record-keeping rules because messages can be set to disappear after a period of time."

"And they have "heavily" deployed Musk's Grok AI chatbot – an aspiring ChatGPT rival – as part of their work slashing the federal government, said that person. Reuters could not establish exactly how Grok was being used."

That's pretty easy to figure out: once they gained access to the servers, they gain access to the archives; they are using the Presidential Records Act against everyone but themselves.

As we said up front, Elmo and the Incels  are Big Brother's  ThoughtPolice.

And no one except a scattered handful of Democrats is standing up to this abuse.

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Oh Noes! Elon's Having Another Big Sad. Boo Fucking Hoo

From Jeff Tiedrich:

'nobody likes me, wah wah wah'

imagine what you could do if you had more money than god. one way to play it would be to fuck off and never be heard from again, and quietly enjoy a world of limitless possibilities. on the other hand, think of all the good you could do as a humanitarian. you could fund programs to end hunger, or cure disease. want to be remembered forever? build libraries, universities and hospitals, and slap your name on them, so your legacy lives on after you're gone.

or — if none of that shit is for you — you could just be some broken-inside asshole who never stops whining about being insufficiently worshiped.

the Academy Award for self-pity goes to —

"I mean, you have Tim Walz, who's a huge jerk, you know, running around on stage with the Tesla stock price, where the stock price had gone in half. and he was overjoyed. what an evil thing to do. what a creep. what a jerk. like, who derives joy from that?"

who wants to tell him?

dude. all of us. we're all deriving joy from that.

we're all sitting here watching Tesla's stock price plummet like Wile E. Coyote off the end of the cliff — and that shit is fucking hilarious.

Elon, have you seriously never seen a movie or a TV show? people love that shit, when the bully gets his comeuppance. it's the plot of every teen comedy from the 1980s.

and oh fucking boy, have you been a bully.

nobody voted for you, bro — yet here you are, in all of our faces. you used your obscene generational wealth to buy yourself a government, and treat it like your own personal plaything.

you and your merry band of pimply teenage incels broke shit. you fired people, without cause, and without bothering to first find out what they did — and then you looked like a fool when you had to scramble to hire them back because it turned out they vital, necessary shit like maintain the government's nuke stockpile.

hey Elon, remember this guy?

that's Ned Johnson. he's 82 and very much alive, but your flying monkey incels declared him dead and canceled his Social Security — because they didn't understand the data they were looking at, and didn't bother to ask anyone to explain it to them.

people see this shit happening — and then they see you fucking off to Motel-a-Lago, higher than a goddamned kite, playing with silverware.

you're having the time of your life while the people whose lives you've turned upside down can't get anyone to answer the phone at Social Security because you've pared their staff down to the bone.

on top of all that, you're a penny-ante con man.

Somehow, four Tesla-owned dealerships reported to the Canadian government that they sold an astonishing 8,653 cars during a single weekend in January — enough to qualify for 43 million Canadian dollars' (about $30 million) worth of government subsidies under a program just before it expired.

Now the Canadian government wants to know exactly how the electric carmaker managed to move two cars a minute off its lots — a rate that assumes those four dealers had stayed open 24 hours from Jan. 10 to Jan. 12.

can you explain that, Elon? those must be some awesome fucking salespeople, to sell two cars a minute for 72 straight hours. I hope you gave them all raises.

you want people to stop loathing you, Elon? then stop giving them reasons.

people are pissed. that's why they laugh when your stock goes tits-up.

and that's why they've been taking to the streets.

here's a #TeslaTakeown protest from yesterday, in Glendale, CA.

here's another #TeslaTakedown from yesterday, in Columbus, OH.

look, Elon. do you want to be liked? build a library. fund a cure for cancer.

stop whining. stop pretending you're the victim. stop demanding to be worshiped.

and for fuck's sake, own up to your bullshit.

"The goal of the left is to destroy my influence. So they relentlessly push negative propaganda about me like the fake Nazi stuff and ignore anything positive. They are evil."

fake Nazi stuff? homeslice, we all saw you sieg heil.

how hard it is to say 'yeah, that was kinda fucked up. I won't do it again'?

hey, everyone — President Nine Iron won himself another golf tournament!

"I just played a round of Golf with Alexander Stubb, President of Finland. He is a very good player, and we won the Men's Member-Guest Golf Tournament at Trump International Golf Club in Palm Beach County, with the Legendary Gary Player, Senator Lindsey Graham, and former Congressman and highly successful Television Host, Trey Gowdy. President Stubb and I look forward to strengthening the partnership between the United States and Finland, and that includes the purchase and development of a large number of badly needed Icebreakers for the U.S., delivering Peace and International Security for our Countries, and the World. President Stubb told me, in the most powerful of words, that the United States is STRONG, and BACK, AGAIN. I AGREE!"

so that makes seventeen hundred skilliontly consecutive championships that Donny has won at one of his vermin-infested golf motels.

but here's a fun fact regarding Donny's boast about scoring a shitload of polar icebreaking vessels from Finland: he's taking credit for a pact negotiated and signed by the Sleepy Joe Brandon administration, back in November of last year.

Canada's also part of the deal, but Donny left that part out — because he's still throwing a big hissy over their refusal to become America's hat.

I look forward to next weekend, when Donny plays golf with Napoleon and takes credit for the Louisiana Purchase.

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Words of Wisdom

For those who are stressed out and depressed by reading about politics, but don't want to completely block it out and risk being uninformed, here's a tip: Focus your reading on solutions, not problems. Read only articles and posts about what is being done to solve the problems we face, or about what should be done about them — about those who are fighting back against Trump's depredations in various ways, how you can help do so, how the Democrats need to change in order to win elections in the future, and suchlike. Skip the ones that are basically just "here are all the latest terrible things that are happening" or "here's yet another example of how bad and awful and terrible Trump is". You already know bad things are happening and you already know Trump is awful. Wallow­ing in more of that will just depress you further while providing nothing positive. Reading exclusively about resistance and positive action will keep you still informed but a lot less stressed out. – Infidel753

[Thanks Rick]