Category: Fuck Nazis

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Will Humanity Ever Outgrow This Bullshit?

Greg Bovino cosplaying Local Gruppenführer

You like playing a WWII German, Greg? Well, here’s a nice German word for you:

How many times do we need to go through this? Is it going to be every generation’s burden to smash these fascist assholes into the ground going forward, or is there some way to purge this Nazi bullshit from human consciousness once and for all?

This does not lead to the Star Trek future so many of us actively envision and want. (Granted, there were Nazis in Star Trek canon but they were on a single planet whose society had been poisoned by a rogue Star Fleet captain. And then there was the whole “alternate universe” thing introduced in some of the more recent series, but for the most part, that was not where humans in the Star Trek universe went.)

What do you think? Are we destined to forever ride this karmic wheel, switching roles between aggressor and victim each lifetime ad nauseum?

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Sunday Tiedrich

when talking about yesterday’s smash-and-grab escapade in Venezuela — and the plunder to come — where do we even start? with how lawless it is? because it absolutely is completely fucking illegal — and unconstitutional.

with how insane it is? because it’s off-the-charts crazypants.

with how unnecessary it is? the American people didn’t vote for this.

with how unrealistic the goals are? of course it’s all unrealistic. Donny and his toadies live in a fantasy world.

with how it’s just a naked grab for Venezuela’s oil? no fucking shit, Sherlock.

how about we start here: let’s talk about how impaired and unfit for office Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is — because he could barely stay awake during his own victory lap.

as soon as someone else started talking, Preznit Fuckwit started sawing logs — while standing up. who says Dear Leader isn’t a man of many talents?

as Donald Rumsfeld so wisely counseled us during the Iraq debacle, sometimes you go to war with the narcoleptic fart factory you have, not the narcoleptic fart factory you want.

for fuck’s sake, what’s with all the slurring?

“the United Sases militareese the strongest and most fearsome military on the planet by far, with capabiliseesanshkills our enemies can— [long pause] scarshely begin to imagine.”

oh come on. this is so embarrassing. Donny can no longer read. his brain is fried. maybe he should stick to what he’s good at: pointing at a drawing of a camel. can someone get Dear Leader a pudding cup and lead him back to his room? he should be in bed, not overseeing a war.

hey, you know who’s going to be running Venezuela now? Donny is.

“we’re going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper, and judicious transition.”

oh, how lovely. the shitwit with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel — who acts first and thinks never — is now going to two running two countries at the same time. the business genius who, as his fifth consecutive casino went bankrupt, said ‘let’s open a sixth’ is going to be making decisions about two ginormous economies — all while shopping for marble for his vulgar Epstein Dance Hall where the East Wing used to be.

yeah, right.

now here’s a question: who the fuck is running Venezuela right this very second?

Donny doesn’t know, or apparently even seem to care.

Trump: “There is nobody to take over. You have a vice president who has been appointed by Maduro. She’s I guess the president. She was sworn in just a little while ago. She had a long conversation with Marco and she said, ‘We’ll do whatever you need.’ She really doesn’t have a choice.”

in fact, the Venezuelan Veep has already told Donny to go fuck himself.

Venezuela’s Vice President Delcy Rodríguez condemned the U.S. attack and capture of President Nicolás Maduro on Saturday, saying in a televised address the nation “will never return to being the colony of another empire.”

Rodriguez insists that Maduro is still Venezuela’s president.

“There is only one president in Venezuela, and his name is Nicolas Maduro Moros,” Rodriguez said in a televised address to Venezuelans hours after the U.S. strikes and Maduro’s capture.

and according to Reuters, Rodriguez is in Russia right now.

Venezuelan Vice President Delcy Rodriguez is in Russia, four sources familiar with her movements said on Saturday, after President Donald Trump said President Nicolas Maduro had been seized by U.S. forces after an attack on the country.

so, again, who is running the country?

Donny’s already thrown the opposition leader under the bus.

Trump on María Corina Machado: “I think it’d be very tough for her to be the leader. She doesn’t have the support or the respect within the country. She’s a very nice woman but she doesn’t have the respect.”

the thin-skinned bastard is still big mad that Machado won the Nobel Peace Prize and he didn’t, isn’t he?

this plundering of Venezuela going to be a fucking disaster — and not the fun, entertaining, Stephen-Colbert-eating-popcorn kind of disaster.

it’s going to be a five-alarm shit-show, complete with chaos and suffering civilians.

back in November, The New York Times actually committed a journalism and ran a long piece about how during Donny’s first term, the military ran a simulation on what would happen if the US ousted Maduro. their conclusion was that it would be a clusterfuck.

but Donny doesn’t give a shit about any possible turmoil and violence among the Venezuelan people. Venezuelans can go fuck themselves sideways, as far as Donny’s concerned. he’s made it very clear that this is all about grabbing that sweet, sweet crude.

 

Fox & Friends: “what do you see as the future of Venezuela’s oil industry?”

Donny: “well I see that we’re gonna be very strongly involved in it. that’s all. what can I say. we have the greatest oil companies in the world.”

and — oh look — the ‘greatest oil companies in the world’ are already on the job.

Officials from top Wall Street firms will be traveling to Venezuela to investigate “investment prospects” of the country. “The trip will feature about 20 officials from the finance, energy and defense sectors.”

hey, remember that deal Donny made with oil executives back during his campaign? the one where he said ‘give me a billion dollars and I’ll take care of you’?

well, here’s your quid for that bit of pro quo. it’s all so fucking corrupt, and it’s going on right under our noses.

but Donny, who’s going to pay for all this shit?

reporter: “is it possible that the US ends up administering Venezuela for years?”

Donny: “well, you know, it won’t cost us anything because the money coming out of the ground is very substantial.”

oh lord, how fucking delusional. ‘the war going to pay for itself.’ gee, where have we heard this before? oh, yeah: back when Dick Cheney and his merry band of fuckface neocons decided to plunder Iraq. every single one of those shitbags bragged about how their awesome adventure was going to pay for itself.

“Iraq is a very wealthy country. Enormous oil reserves. They can finance, largely finance the reconstruction of their own country. And I have no doubt that they will.”
— Richard Perle, chair
The Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board
July 11, 2002

spoiler alert: the Iraq War ended up costing us over three trillion dollars.

hey, New York Times Editorial Board, could you explain to the nice people why Donny’s lawless adventurism sets a horrendous example for the rest of the world?

“By proceeding without any semblance of international legitimacy, valid legal authority or domestic endorsement, Mr. Trump risks providing justification for authoritarians in China, Russia and elsewhere who want to dominate their own neighbors.”

exactly. Donny bombing the shit out of Venezuela and going ‘mine now’ — because reasons — is no different than Putin’s war on Ukraine.

what are we going to say if Xi decides to roll tanks into Taiwan? spoiler alert: we’re not going to be able to say shit — because the US is now a rogue nation.

so much for Saint Reagan’s vision of America as a ‘shining city on a hill.’ awesome job, Donny, we’re now a pariah state. take another victory lap.

oh shit, they are taking another victory lap. they’re already drooling over the prospect of the next war.

Rubio: “If I lived in Havana in the government, I’d be concerned.”

how about Marco Rubio take his unearned hubris and shove it where the sun don’t shine?

maybe win the first war first, you arrogant fools.

you know who could put an end to this fuckery in a heartbeat? Congressional Republicans, by using their Constitutionally-mandated powers to authorize wars — but they’re not going to. in fact, they’ve already rolled right the fuck over.

Tom Cotton: “Congress isn’t notified when the FBI is going to arrest a drug trafficker or cyber criminal here in the US, nor should Congress be notified when the executive branch is executing arrests on indicted persons. and that’s really what you can make the analogy to here.”

that, folks, is how the Republicans are justifying allowing Donny to do whatever the fuck he wants — by pretending that this isn’t a war, it’s a law enforcement action.

‘war? what war? do you see a war anywhere? this is just Donny carrying out an arrest warrant for Maduro and his wife. we’re powerless to stop that shit. who says it’s a war?’

fuck off, you cowards.

now let’s talk about the Democratic response to Donny’s lawless fuckery, because there are two ways to go about it: the right way, and the Chuck Schumer way.

here’s the right way:

Rep. Seth Moulton: “is anyone going to just stop for a second and be honest? this is insane. what the hell are we doing? we’ve got a lot of problems in America today, and invading, occupying, running Venezuela does not solve any of them.”

thank you, Rep. Moulton. we’re all standing with you.

now here’s the Chuck Schumer way.

Asked about the possibility of impeachment, Schumer says ‘we hope that we can have support from our Republican colleagues to put a brake on this long before it gets that far.’”

oh fuck straight off to the moon and back, Chuckles. how fucking naive can one person be? on what planet are Republicans are going to put a breakon this? did you not hear what Tom Cotton just said, you hayseed?

let’s be clear-eyed about our Senate Minority Leader: Schumer’s a great guy to have around if there’s absolutely nothing at stake. need someone to speak at the dedication of a new post office? Chuck’s your man. need someone to make sure all the procedural i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed in some piece of shrimp boat legislation? here comes Chuck!

but Schumer isn’t a fighter. he never has been. right now, he should be screaming his head off about impeachement. that’s what Republicans would be doing if it were Joe Biden smashing and grabbing in South America. but instead, he’s making weak mewling noises about ‘support from our Republican colleagues.’ what the fuck?

Chuck Schumer just isn’t up to the task. it’s time for him to retire.

finally, let’s talk about how hastily this war was thrown together — because it did seem rushed, didn’t it? and those stage-managed photos going around, of Donny and Liddle Marco and Flippy McCrushnuts, acting all warlike and stuff?

that’s not the White House Situation Room. nor is it a secure SCIF, where classified intel can be discussed without fear of leaks.

for fuck’s sake, it’s the dining room of Motel-a-Lago, partitioned with black sheets. anyone wandering past, on their way to breakfast, could have heard what was going on.

how fucking rinky-dink is that?

so, why did this thing have to happen in the dead of night during New Year’s weekend?

it’s all about the timing.

Congress is back in session this week, and they have a lot of stuff on their plate — stuff Donny doesn’t want them dealing with. like the Epstein Files, for which the DOJ just missed another deadline. then there are the Obamacare subsidies, which expired four days ago.

fuck’s sake, there’s another possible government shutdown looming on January 30 — that needs to be dealt with, too.

but now, all anyone is going to be talking about is Venezuela.

that’s pretty convenient, isn’t it?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Let’s Face It—He’s A Sociopath, Devoid Of All Human Emotion

here’s what we know so far:

on Saturday afternoon, some fuckface obtained a weapon of mass death, just as our founders intended. he took that weapon into Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, and opened fire, just as our founders intended, indiscriminately spraying bullets, just as our founders intended, and sending nine people to the hospital and two to the morgue, just as our founders intended.

the unknown shooter then ran off and, as of this writing, is still at large, just as our founders intended.

terrified students spent the entire night barricaded in their classrooms, just as our founders intended.

it was the 465th mass shooting in America this year, just as our founders intended.

just another fucked-up day in the United States of Guntopia.

before we get to Donny Convict’s disgracefully callous response to this tragedy, here’s how a real president mourns.

Joe Biden: “Students should have the freedom to learn in school without having to fear for their lives. Period. We must never accept senseless violence that leaves families and communities shattered. It pierces the very soul of our nation. We can and must do more to prevent gun violence and save lives. Jill and I are grieving the lives lost and those wounded at Brown University, and we are keeping the victims, their loved ones, and all of Providence in our prayers.”

thank you. I miss this guy every day.

now let’s compare that with the reaction of the diaper-shittingest sociopath ever to befoul the Oval Bordello.

“and, uh. Brown University. great school. great— great, really one of the greatest schools anywhere in the world. things can happen.”

first of all, excellent job on the makeup, Mister President. my compliments to your embalmer.

uh, this fucking guy. not one single shred of humanity. just a dispassionate, monotone ‘things can happen.’ Donny puts more emotion into talking about Arnold Palmer’s dick.

we got the same fucked-up response last month, as Donny sat next to the Crown Prince of Bone Saw Arabia and rationalized away the murder of Jamal Khashoggi: ‘things happen.’

this isn’t how a president talks. this is how a mob boss talks.

the shit Donny says makes so much more sense if you imagine it coming out of the mouth of Tony Soprano. ‘so, some kids got shot up? some journalist got bone-sawed? hey, things happen. now leave me alone, can’t you see I’m busy?’

but at least Donny switches it up every now and then. when schoolchildren were gunned down in their classrooms in Perry, Iowa, he didn’t tell us that ‘things happen.’ instead it was ‘we have to get over it.’

thank you for your wise counsel, Preznit Fuckwit.

Donny could give a shit about what happens to other people. he’s too broken-inside to even fake a proper reaction. grief? empathy? what the fuck are those things? he is incapable of a human response to tragedy.

Donny’s handlers have completely given up trying to house-train him.

back in 2018, when Donny met with survivors of the Parkland school shooting, they handed him a cheat-sheet of things to say, so he could at least pretend to give a shit.

they don’t even bother trying to civilize Donny any more. they just shove him in front of the camera and let the chips fall where they may.

so now, all we get is ‘shit happens’ — and then it’s onto the topic on Donny’s list.

unless it’s misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. then we get flags at half staff and an Oval Bordello address.

fuck this fucking fuck.

let’s do a palate cleanse — because this is the perfect moment to watch Secretary of Defense Flippy McCrushnuts do to his thing.

now let’s mock the shit out the rest of yesterday’s press event. here’s a super-fun thing that happened. President No Filters got distracted by a blonde woman standing among the assembled reporters.

“this is the most interesting story. [pointing] boy, do you look like Ivanka. has anyone ever told you that? look at— I’m saying ‘is that Iva—.’ could you just turn around for the camera? does she look— does she look like Ivanka? it’s the most unbelievable thing. I— it’s— I wouldn’t— I didn’t wanna take a chance. I say, ‘is that Ivanka?’ you look just like Ivanka, which is a great compliment.”

ugh. fuck off, you creep.

I’m pretty sure if I were a woman, the last thing I’d want to hear seeping out of Donny’s geriatric anus-mouth would be ‘you remind me of the daughter I want to quote-unquote ‘date.’’

for those of you keeping score at home: if you’re a black woman, it’s ‘shut up, piggy’ — but if you’re a white woman with long blonde hair, it’s ‘come here and let me grope you.’

ugh.

oh, and in case you’re wondering, a loss of sexual inhibition is absolutely one sign of dementia.

oh look, Donny’s Slovenian rent-a-wife was standing next to him the whole time — and boy, does she ever look happy to be there. I’ll bet she’s thrilled whenever her husband starts drooling uncontrollably over every woman who looks like his daughter.

anyway, Donny’s very proud of his plans to shit out an endless series of vulgar monuments, all over Washington DC.

“we have a policy thing that’s gonna— be unbelievable, happening. should I announce it, or should I keep quiet? I put Vince in charge of the Triumphal Arc. we’re building an arc like the Arc de Triomphe… it is something that is so special. it will be like the one in— in Paris but it to be honest with you, it blows it away.”

oh, lovely. Donny’s building an endless series of gaudy totems to himself while We the People struggle to feed our families.

you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, while Donny gets a fugly arch, a tacky dance hall where the East Wing used to be, three more golf courses, and god knows what else he’s got up his sleeve.

you know who else wanted a ginormous fucking arch to commemorate his glorious Thousand-Year Reich, don’t you? of course you do.

and, finally, what. the. fuck. is. this.

“you heard— did you hear this story? and so, he’s, uh, he’s being read his rites and his— this is— they thought he was dead three times. three different times. they carried him out, feeding him the anti-venom, and over a period of months he was unconscious for a long time, many— weeks. and— he made it. I asked him, ‘how ya doin’ today?’ he said, ‘is it perfect?’ look how quiet everybody is. you know— you know, it’s funny. when you talk about snakes and— things like that. that uhhhhh, people find it interesting. would anybody like to go and— go to Peru and walk around the forest with the— he says ‘no thank you, I’ll say no thank you’— but uh, this was a real— did they ever find the snake, by the way?”

what a charming tale to tell at a White House Christmas reception.

this whole rambling anecdote about snakes is one more five-alarm reminder that President Pudding Cup’s brain has gone fuckity-bye. he can no longer fart out a coherent sentence. and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press — the very same reporters who turned every one of Joe Biden’s verbal slips into a weeks-long scandal — just stand there like useless lumps.

hey, Jake Tapper — you could probably get three books’ worth of material just from this minute-long clip alone. any interest in following up?

I thought so.

before I let you go, I want to ask: what the fuck is wrong with Greg Bovino?

Obergruppenführer Bovino, you’ll recall, is the psychopath who’s currently ‘commander at large’ for the Border Patrol. I think his official title is Fuckface Who Hurls Tear Gas Canisters At Children And Lies About It To A Judge.

Greggers sure loves him some Nazi cosplay. dude has an entire Third Reich living in his head. I shit you not.

look at how Greg tarted himself up when he showed up on Newsmax yesterday.

so, my question to you is: who wore it better?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Some Say You Shouldn’t Punch Nazis. Fuck That.

Some say you shouldn’t punch Nazis. Fuck that. Punch them in the head until your fucking hand breaks. After World War II we didn’t punch Nazis; we hanged the bastards.

–On This Day in History Shit Went Down: November 20, 1945–

I’m torn about the whole death penalty thing. If someone killed a member of my family, I’d want the fucker to die. Hell, I might do it myself. But at the societal level, it just doesn’t work. Using the United States as an example, there are many problems with it. It’s unfairly applied to poor people and people of color. Because of the lengthy appeals process, it’s more expensive to execute someone than to put them in prison for life. It is proven to not be a deterrent to crime. It breaks the social contract of a society that respects life. Mistakes are made, and you can’t make someone undead. Etc.

But those Nazi fucks had it coming.

They murdered millions and the West put them on trial. The first and best known of the Nuremberg trials began six months after the war ended, on November 20, 1945. But they’d been planned for over three years. Representatives from countries occupied by Germany began meeting in 1942 to plan how they’d one day hopefully hold those Nazi cockwaffles accountable. Nuremberg was chosen for the trials because the Palace of Justice was still intact after the Allied bombing, and because the city was also the birthplace of the Nazi Party, so it was another fuck-you to fascism.

The trials lasted over ten months, exposing the crimes of twenty-four of the most notorious political and military leaders of the Third Reich. Twelve of them were sentenced to the eternal dirt nap. One of the dozen condemned was Hermann Göring. Göring was one of the most powerful leaders in the Nazi Party. Someone smuggled cyanide into his cell for him and he killed himself the night before his scheduled execution. Asshole.

Another seven war criminals got sentences ranging from ten years to life; three were acquitted; and two ended up not being charged. When it came to the executions being carried out, they didn’t go that smoothly. Accusations were made that the drop for the hanging was too short, and a number of them, rather than have their necks broken for a quick death, died slowly and painfully over several minutes from strangulation.

Desiring vengeance is not a healthy emotion, but considering their crimes I’m having a difficult time feeling bad about that.

Those who cannot remember the past need a history teacher who says “fuck” a lot. Get both volumes of “On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down” at JamesFell.com/books. The holidays are coming and they make great gifts.

 

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Kristallnacht

November 9, 1938
Kristallnacht, Germany

On the night of November 9, 1938, violent anti-Jewish dem­onstrations broke out across Ger­many, Austria, and the Sude­ten­land region of Czech­oslo­vakia. Nazi offi­cials depicted the riots as iusti­fied reac­tions to the assas­sination of German foreign official Ernst vom Rath, who had been shot two days earlier by Herschel Grynszpan, a 17-year old Polish Jew distraught over the deportation of his family from Germany.

Over the next 48 hours, violent mobs, spurred by antisemitic exhortations from Nazi offi­cials, destroyed hundreds of synagogues, burning or desecrating Jewish religious artifacts along the way. Acting on orders from Gestapo head­quarters, police officers and firefighters did nothing to prevent the destruction. All told, approximately 7,500 Jewish-owned businesses, homes, and schools were plundered, and 91 Jews were murdered. An additional 30.000 Jewish men were arrested and sent to concentration camps. Nazi officials immediately claimed that the Jews themselves were to blame for the riots, and a fine of one billion reichsmarks (about $400 million at 1938 rates) was imposed on the German Jewish community.

The Nazis came to call the event Kris­tall­nacht (“Crystal Night,” or, “The Night of Broken Glass”), refer­ring to the thou­sands of shat­tered win­dows that littered the streets after­wards, but the euphe­mism does not con­vey the full brutality of the event Kris­tall­nacht was a turning point in the history of the Third Reich marking the shift from antisemitic rhetoric and legislation to the violent, aggressive anti-Jewish measures that would culminate with the Holocaust.

Thank you, Rick, for reminding us of this atrocity.
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Wednesday Madness

it’s the Boy King’s birthday!

the Boy King is excited, because everyone loves him — and the Royal Military has thrown him a great big parade!

look at all the powerful tanks! look at all the marching warfighters!

but wait — what’s that over there in the crowd? someone isn’t smiling at the Boy King.

the whole day is spoiled. it’s not fair! the Boy King slams his doughy doll-sized fist down onto his throne.

everyone has to love me! the Supreme Court says so

no, really. he’s such a fucking child.

“we’re celebrating big on Saturday, we’re gonna have a lot of— and if any protestor wants to come out, they will be met with very big force, by the way. and for those people who want to protest, they’re gonna be met with very big force.”

wait, how big? very big? oh, okay. thanks for clarifying that, Mr. Dimwit With The Vocabulary Of A Toddler.

with all due respect, Donny, you can fuck straight off with your tough-guy threats. everybody doesn’t have to love you — and the last time I looked, the right to assemble was still guaranteed by the First Amendment of our Constitution.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

on Saturday, June 14 — the same day as Donny’s Big Birthday Parade — we’re going to right-to-assemble the shit out of America.

there will be hundreds of No Kings protests happening on Saturday — join one near you.

hey, do you know what the Boy King’s Big Love-Me Birthday Parade is costing? 45 million dollars — $16 million of which is just to repair the damage to DC’s streets that will be caused by hundreds of tanks rolling across them.

The Army is preparing for the potential harm to Washington streets with several measures it hopes will avert damage. These include using 1-inch-thick steel plates, some as long as 20 feet, at places along the parade route where the tanks must turn and where those turns could cause the most damage to the streets.

this is all so unnecessary. tens of million of dollars, pissed right down the drain, just so a broken-inside narcissist can pretend he’s not the worthless piece of shit failure that his father never stopped telling him he was.

you can only have two government-approved dolls and five pencils, but Donny gets to have a skillionty tanks and spend all the money he wants on a vanity parade.

and by the way, forty-five mil is chicken feed compared to what Donny’s wasting on his little adventure in Los Angeles.

“the current estimated cost is $134 million dollars.”

wrap your mind around that. one hundred and thirty-four million dollars, just so the National Guard can “protect” a few square blocks of downtown Los Angeles from its own residents. what a waste.

think about that, the next time some Republican fuckwad tells you that we can’t afford to give seniors healthcare, or provide hot lunches to schoolchildren.

every time you think Donny’s reached the bottom of the barrel, he somehow manages to kick his way though and go even lower. he turns every public appearance into a highly-politicized campaign rally. here he is, goading assembled troops at Fort Bragg into booing Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass.

“in Los Angeles, the Governor of California, the Mayor of Los Angeles [boos]. they’re incompetent, and they paid troublemakers, agitators and insurrectionists. they’re engaged in this willful attempt to nullify federal law and aid the occupation of the city by criminal invaders.”

what just oozed out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth? did he just accuse Newsom and Bass of paying the protestors? that’s what it sounded like to me. what the fuck?

just imagine if Joe Biden had goaded a bunch of troops into booing Greg Abbott or Ron DeSantis. Republicans would have burned DC to the ground. Comer Fudd would have started bleeding from the eyeballs. Hannity would have shit a massive brick on live TV, and then had it bronzed.

but Republicans think it’s just fine when Donny uses our troops as props, and starts shit-talking Democrats. in fact, they just join right in, like it’s the funniest fucking thing on Earth.

reporter: “Speaker Johnson, the president said, possibly in jest, that if he were Tom Homan, he would arrest Gavin Newsom. do you believe that Newsom should face consequences, in a legal way?”

Holy Mike: “um. uh. look. that’s not my lane. I’m not gonna give you legal analysis whether Gavin Newsom should be arrested, bu he oughta be tarred and feathered, I’ll say that.”

oh fuck right off, Speaker Limpdick. Gavin Newsom should be tarred and feathered? for what, exactly? for back-talking Dear Leader? is that a crime now?

Mike Johnson holds a law degree from LSU. legal analysis is his lane. he knows that Gavin Newsom hasn’t broken any laws — but he has to toe Donny’s line and pretend that Gavin’s a master criminal, because Holy Mike is a cowardly fucking weasel.

oh, and by the way, tarring and feathering is a thing the KKK used to do to ‘uppity’ blacks. it’s gruesome, medieval torture.

while we’re on the subject of Gavin Newsom, let’s give him a round of applause for meeting the moment.

he’s been great on social media.

and he’s been great on TV. last night, Newsom gave a televised address to the nation, and he did not mince words.

no fucking shit.

here’s a short chunk from the speech.

“democracy is under assault before our eyes. this moment we have feared has arrived. he’s taking a wrecking ball to our founding fathers’ historic project. three co-equal branches of independent government. there no longer any checks and balances. Congress is nowhere to be found. Speaker Johnson has completely abdicated that responsibility. the rule of law has increasingly been given way to the rule of Don. the founding fathers, they didn’t live and die to see this kind of moment. it’s time for all of us to stand up. Justice Brandeis, he said it best. in a democracy, the most important office, with all due respect, Mr. President, is not the presidency. and it’s certainly not governor. the most important office is Office of Citizen. at this moment, we all need to stand up and be held to account, a higher level of accountability. if you exercise your First Amendment rights, please, please — do it peacefully.”

here’s the whole 9-minutes.

I’m liking the Fight-The-Power Gavin Newsom so much better than the Let’s-Podcast-With-Steve-Bannon Gavin Newsom.

more like this, bro.

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ICE=Gestapo

This is appalling.

Bet also in a LOT of the videos I’m seeing the heavily armed fatigue wearing “agents” look a lot more likely Proud Boys & Magamilitia & NOT trained feds or cops.

This is EXACTLY what was said would happen when he released the Jan6ers.

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The Week In Stupid

From Jeff Tiedrich:

monday: ai yi yi

what the fuck is this nightmare fuel?

“Elon Musk is a family man
The safest place on Earth is in their arms.
Moments like these become priceless memories.”

notice anything weird about the Space Nazi’s ‘family’? that’s right, they’re not the flesh-and-blood kind — they’re the vomited-out-by-some-hellish-AIkind. by some miracle, the one hand we see in that pic has the correct number of fingers on it.

apparently there is an entire cottage industry of keyboard warriors churning out dozens of computer-generated images of the Space Nazi surrounded by imaginary families.

excuse me, but what the fuck is going on with the face of Inbred McYokel in the blue denim jacket?

make no mistake. the Space Nazi is not a ‘family man’ — he’s a turbocharged sperm donor who has made it his mission in life to squirt out as many replicants has he can — with as many women as possible — in some racist race to out-breed the swarthy hordes. however, once the little kidlets are out of the oven, he forgets about them. if Elon were a ‘family man,’ there would be photographic evidence, and his legion of fan-boys wouldn’t have to rely on gruesome AI-generated hocus-pocus.

in fact, the only one of his demon spawn that Elon takes any interest in at all is the Crown Prince Snotwiper.

but apparently Elon’s now outsourced the raising of the Crown Prince to Dear Leader. god help him.

 

tuesday: 100% of morons make my head hurt

try to read this next item without your blood pressure spiking — because hey, guess who just woke up to the fact that America pretty much fucking sucks now.

that’s right, a whopping 83% of PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T VOTE IN 2024 are unhappy with how unfettered fascism is working out for them.

I can’t even.

folks, I’d like to propose a new rule: if you didn’t vote, you don’t get to fucking complain. in fact, if you didn’t vote, please stand in the corner and face the wall for the next four years and think about what you’ve done.

wednesday: look who sucks

uh oh, noises are coming out of Fox News found object Jesse Watters’ face-hole again.

“I have rules for men. like you don’t eat soup in public. you don’t cross your legs. and you don’t drink from a straw. his excuse was I was drinking a milk shake. again, you shouldn’t be drinking a milk shake. milk shakes are for kids.”

I have a rule for Jesse Watters: shut the fuck up.

guys, can we talk? the last thing anyone needs to be doing is living their lives to dictates of some toxic Fox News meathead. no well-adjusted dude thinks about any of this shit. you want to suck on a straw? then fucking suck on a straw. who gives a shit? worrying what other people think doesn’t make you manly — it makes you weak, insecure and fragile.

right, Jesse?

thursday: we don’t need no edumocation

thursday was the day that Donny Convict pretended to abolish the Department of Education.

spoiler alert: he can’t — to actually do so would require an Act of Congress.

regardless, all the Sewer Clowns fanned out to wax romantic about how super fucking awesome it’s going to be once America no longer has any national standards for educating its children.
pictured: happy schoolchildren in Georgia, circa 1909

even the Space Nazi got into the act — but folks, can we all just agree that if you want to dance on the Department of Education’s grave, that you at least learn how to spell ‘department’? because otherwise, you might look like a fucking imbecile.

oh dear.

and should any of us really be surprised that down there in America’s dangly bit — the swampy state of Florida — their own Departmen(t) of Education can’t spell ‘twelfth’?

friday: gone with the windbag

oh joy of joys, the Space Nazi’s dad is back in the news. when last we checked in with good old Errol Musk, he was managing to be racist, homophobic and transphobic at the same time.

“Obama’s a queer, married to a man who dresses as a woman.”

isn’t Errol a charmer? well, homeboy’s found a new way to cover himself with glory.

Errol Musk, the father of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, believes that his son can’t be racist due to his past relationships with “Black servants” who worked for the family in apartheid South Africa.

‘we can’t be racist, all our servants were black’ is such a persuasive argument, can’t you agree? oh, and according to Errol, apartheid was pretty fucking amazing — if you had the foresight to be born white.

“We lived in a very well-run, law-abiding country with virtually no crime at all,” he said. “Actually no crime. We had several black servants who were their friends.”

we’ve tracked down an exclusive photo of Elon O’Musk and his childhood best friend, Mammy.

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do.