Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse
From Jeff Tiedrich:
he's such a fucking embarrassment
Mad King Donny ambushes South Africa's President Ramaphosa
at this point, you have to wonder why any world leader would agree to an Oval Office meeting with Little Donny Fuckface. there's just no way of knowing what you're in for.
at best, you'll merely sit there — like Macron — with a fake smile plastered on your face as the Boy King of America plays his impotent little dominance games. you then get to go home without having created an international incident.
at worst, you'll walk straight into an ambush, as happened to Zelenskyy.
yesterday, Cyril Ramaphosa, the president of South Africa, had a sit-down with Donny — and Donny zelenskied the shit out of him.
"what would happen if you put the black president of South Africa in a room with a demented white supremacist" is a question no one asked — but yesterday we got the answer: it was a distressing-to-watch five-alarm shit-show.
just look at what a ginormous asshole Donny is. he can't even introduce Ramaphosa without gratuitously insulting him.
"it's a great honor to be with the president of South Africa, President Ramaphosa, and he is a man who is certainly in some circles really respected, in other circles a little bit less respected."
gee, thanks for that, shithead.
things took an immediate turn for the worse. Donny had a huge TV rolled in, started yammering about the completely imaginary issue of "white genocide" in South Africa — and then the situation went from bad to fucking surreal.
That was followed by what Trump claimed was video showing over a thousand "burial sites" in South Africa, with aerial footage of a long procession of vehicles moving in one lane of traffic between rows of white crosses. Trump lied that each cross marked the grave of a white farmer or murdered family member.
a mystified President Ramaphosa had no clue what he was looking at
Ramaphosa: "I'd like to know where that is, because this, I've never seen it."
Donny: "it's in South Africa."
oh, well that narrows it down. thanks for clarifying that, dumb-ass.
here's what Ramaphosa was looking at. it wasn't a graveyard. it wasn't a "thousand burial sites," as Donny claimed — and it had nothing to do with "white genocide." it was one protest of the non-race-related murder of two farmers, who were killed during a botched robbery.
It was a protest in response to the murder of a farm couple, Glen and Vida Rafferty, who were killed during a botched robbery of their farm in 2020. Nothing I can find suggests that they were targeted for being white; the robbers broke into their home to get at the safe, couldn't open it, and waited for them to return home. After ambushing and shooting them, the murderers stole their car and some home items. Horrible, but not anything at all close to what Trump said about the video.
Donny then pulled out visual aids. he held up photos that he claimed were of murdered white South African farmers. spoiler alert: they weren't.
"Look, here's burial sites all over the place," said Trump. "These are all white farmers that are being buried."
But the image is a screen grab from a February YouTube video of Red Cross workers responding after women were raped and burned alive during a mass jailbreak in the Congolese city of Goma, according to its caption.
for fuck's sake, the incident Donny is claiming proves "white genocide" didn't even happen in South Africa. but I guess if you're a racist, all African countries are interchangeable.
so, where did this misleading material originate? from the darkest fever swamps of the internet, where conspiracies run wild, that's where. someone downloaded this vile shit, printed it out, and handed it off to Donny — who gobbled it right down because it confirms his 'white people are the real victims' worldview. and we know who that someone is, because Donny comes right out and name-checks him.
"Elon is from South Africa. I don't want to get Elon involved. that's all I have to do — get him in another thing. this is what Elon wanted."
Donny gives away the whole game: this is what Elon wanted. the Space Nazi is a busy guy, so he's outsourcing his racism to Donny, who's more than happy to take it and run with it.
it's so fucking embarrassing. in my lifetime, we've gone from Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy — who famously read seven entire newspapers every single day — to Donny, a low-wattage illiterate who gets his information from drug-addled conspiracy cranks.
bear in mind, all of this is happening on live TV, in front of a room full of reporters. Donny is hectoring the leader of a country that's supposed to be our ally, and demanding he account for a bunch of made-up racist shit.
what the fuck has happened to America?
thank God there was at least one sane voice in the room. here's South African billionaire Johann Peter Rupert to correct Donny, and explain that South Africa has a crime problem, not a race war problem.
"we have too many deaths, but it's across the board. it's not only white farmers. it's across the board."
of course, no Oval Office Shitacular would be complete without the ritual dressing-down of a reporter.
NBC's Peter Alexander had the temerity to ask Dear Leader about that vulgar flying bordello — which Qatar had delivered to the US that very day — and Donny was all dude, I'm trying to do a racism here, why the fuck are you bringing up my blatant corruption?
"what are you talking about? you know, what are you talking about? you know, you oughta get out of here. what does this have to do with the Qatar jet? they're giving the United States Air Force a jet, OK? and it's a great thing. we're talking about a lot of other things. just NBC trying to get off the subject of what you just saw. you know, you're a terrible reporter. number one, you don't have what it takes to be a reporter. You're not smart enough. but for you to go into a subject about a jet that was given to the United States Air Force, which is a very nice thing.they also gave $5.1 trillion investment in addition to the jet."
wait, wait — let's pause the Boy King's infantile tantrum for a second just to note that no, he fucking didn't get five trillion from anyone — or six trillion, or nine trillion, or any of the ever-changing numbers Donny's been mouth-farting all this week. it's a big ball of never happened.
ok, back to Crazy Donny's meltdown.
"You oughta go back to your studio at NBC, because Brian Roberts and the people that run that place, they oughta be investigated. They are so terrible, the way you run that network. And you're a disgrace. No more questions from you!"
the Mad King is so upset that no one will let him enjoy his golden jet that even when he turns back to Ramaphosa, he won't stop whining about it.
"we need an Air Force One, it's being built. two of them being built. and Boeing's a little bit late, unfortunately. so why did they give us a plane, to the United States Air Force? that's what that idiot talks about after viewing a thing where thousands of people are dead."
an exasperated Ramaphosa finally has had enough, and says —
"I am sorry I don't have a plane to give you."
and Donny, of course, is too dimwitted and self-absorbed to realize he's being mocked.
"I wish you did. I'd take it. if your country offered the US Air Force a plane, I would take it."
it's just so fucking embarrassing.
world leaders, stay out of the Oval Office. no good can come of it.
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
Tuesday Madness
Once more from Mr. Tiedrich:
it's time to leave Joe Biden the fuck alone
Republicans are being shitweasels again
in the wake of Joe Biden's heartbreaking announcement that he's been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, Republicans are reacting as they always do — by being horrible. each and every one of them is cordially invited to fuck all the way off.
let's start with this vile shitgoblin
I think it's very sad, actually. I'm surprised that it— wasn't— y'know, the public wasn't notified a long time ago. 'cause to get to stage nine, that's a long time. I just had my physical. you saw that. you saw the results of that particular test. I think that test is standard to uh, pretty much anybody. getting a physical. good physical. we had the doctors at the White House and over at Walter Reed which is a fantastic hospital do it, I did a very complete physical, including cognitive tests, I'm proud do announce I aced it."
I have a question: how long has Sundowning Grandpa Fuckface had stage nine dementia? because there's no such thing as 'stage nine' cancer.
the stages only go up to four. Donny would know that if he ever bothered to listen to anyone for more than two seconds before losing interest and making it all about himself.
listen to this preening fuckwad drone on for the thousandth time about 'acing' his cognitive test. we get it, Donny. you were able to point to a drawing of a camel. good for you. help yourself to a lollypop on your way out of the doctor's office.
who the fuck is Donny to accuse any other person of lying about their health?
we have never seen one legitimate, detailed medical report on Donny. what we get are bullet-point summaries written by day-drinking quacks who fart out ludicrous claims like Donny will live to be 200 years old.
the press never questions any of this laughable shit.
we're told that Donny's ear got blown to pieces by a would-be assassin's bullet and then magically grew back within days — with no scarring — and reporters just nod their heads and write it all down.
we're told that Donny is 6 feet and 3 inches tall and weighs 224 pounds.
yeah, right.
would any of the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media like to maybe write a book on how Donny's brain went fuckity-bye a long, long time ago? now, that would be a page-turner. you could probably do a whole chapter on how Donny got outwitted by a fucking box.
it's a box. it has a lid that flips up — and Preznit Shitforbrains is completely flummoxed by it. Donny has to hand the thing it off to some flunky who does the job in two literal seconds.
for those of you keeping score at home, it's —
Donny: 0
fucking box: 1
imagine for one hot second that it was Joe Biden up there, befuddled by cardboard. Fox News would be playing it on an endless loop.
Couchfuck McGee can fuck all the way off.
"whether the right time to have this conversation is now or some time in the future, we really do need to be honest about whether the former president was capable of doing the job."
this sectional sexpest is gaslighting us at warp factor nine. say what you want about Joe Biden's health — he fucking crushed it as president. he was more than capable — he practically worked miracles.
Joe inherited an economy that had been ravaged due to Donny's mismanagement of the covid pandemic — and by the end of his term, we had prosperity and record low unemployment. America's economic recovery from covid was stronger — and happened faster — than any other country on the planet.
now look at what's happened since Biden left office. in just four months, Donny and Couchfuck have taken that robust economy and turned America into a third-world hellhole that can't pay its bills, can't feed its people, and can no longer predict when a fucking tornado might hit.
A forecasting office in Jackson, Ky., which was directly in the line of Friday night's tornadoes, is one of four no longer with enough staff to operate at all times.
JD and Donny are trying to hoodwink the public into believing the exact opposite of reality — that they're the one's who rescued America from Biden's incompetence. up is down. black is white.
it's flagrant horse shit. do you think any of our worthless scribs might want to write a book about that?
Oklahoma Rep Markwayne Mullin can fuck all the way off.
"it's interesting the timing of them releasing the cancer, right? It seems like since the Hur tapes were released, they're like, 'hey wait, it might be a good time to distract the American people and talk about his cancer.'"
we're being gaslighted again.
Markwayne Mullin wants us to believe that Joe Biden was sitting on his cancer diagnosis — and not doing anything about it — so he could use it as a political distraction if the need ever arose. that makes no fucking sense.
Robert Hur, in case you don't recall, is the Republican stooge who was apppointed by that ineffectual cum-sock Merrick Garland to investigate the classified docs Biden found in his garage. Hur cleared Biden of any culpability in that incident — but on his way out the door, he turned in a hit-piece of a report that painted Biden as "an elderly man with a poor memory" who couldn't remember when his son Beau died.
Hur made the whole thing up. yesterday morning, just before the hearing started, the Washington Post published the transcript of Hur's five-hour-long interview with Biden — and oh, look: here's Biden's actual answer to the question:
"What month did Beau die? Oh God, May 30."
here's a thing Robert Hur actually said to Joe Biden during his interview: "you appear to have a photographic understanding and recall."
no, Biden isn't using his cancer diagnosis as a distraction from the Hur tapes. Donny is using the Hur tapes as a distraction from him fucking America's economy straight into the ground.
now, here's some shitbucket who thinks Jill Biden should go to jail. he can fuck all the way off.
Leo Terrell isn't just some neo-Nazi adjacent rando on the internet. he's Senior Counsel to the Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division of the Department of What Used To Be Known As Justice.
oh great, another Sewer Clown flunky who casually suggests that his political opponents should be thrown in jail. what could go wrong?
know who has been the one decent Republican through all of this? Meghan McCain.
fuck every other Republican for making me agree with Meghan McCain.
Joe Biden is going through some serious shit right now. let's leave him alone and focus on what's right in front of us: a bunch of democracy-hating authoritarians led by an insane megalomaniac are destroying our government right before our very eyes, so they can replace it with the Forever Rule of Mad King Donny.
'should Joe Biden have withdrawn from the race sooner' and 'should Joe Biden have managed his health better' are topics worth exploring some day — but today is not that day. we don't have the luxury of having those conversations right now — not when there's so much fuckery afoot.
the conversation we need to be having right now is how do we fight fascism?
let's fucking go.
and let's give the final word to the Onion, because this headline perfectly encapsulates all the insanity going on right now.
Wednesday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
Bone Saw Arabia buys big boy preznit his own happy meal
scenes from Donny's Middle East Griftapalooza
it's just so fucking embarrassing to watch Mad King Donny represent America on the world stage. he's monumentally stupid. he's crass and uncouth, and his rancid anus-mouth has no filter — at any moment, he's liable to blurt out random, inappropriate gibberish.
but above all, he's utterly unaware of just how easily manipulated he is. flatter him, hand him a few shiny baubles, and this bottomless pit of neediness becomes putty in your hands — and all We the People can do is cringe as we watch this buffoon being led around by his nose.
Donny was in Saudi Arabia yesterday — and look what the Saudis did for our Big Boy President.
that's right, Bone Saw Arabia built a custom-made rolling McDonalds for Donny — because god forbid this overgrown toddler endure an entire day without jamming a greasy wad of fat down his engorged gullet.
As the Saudis work to impress Trump during his trip to Riyadh this week, they're focusing on even the smallest details—like his fondness for the Golden Arches—by setting up a custom-built mobile McDonald's truck designed to support the presidential visit and the throng of journalists in tow.
how mortifying is it that our president can be bought off for a few burgers?
last time Donny visited Bone Saw Arabia, in 2017, they got him involved in some weird-ass sword dance.
and they let him put his freakishly-undersized fists on a glowing orb.
but this time? here's your happy meal, fuckface. now give us what we want.
oh look, President Pudding Cup continues to prove he isn't up to the rigors of his job.
check out this sleepy baby. he's so plumb tuckered from his journey that he can barely keep his beady little eyes open.
wake up, Donny — Crown Prince Mohammad Bone Saw is talking.
let's gif that shit for posterity's sake.
this dilapidated fuckwit has now slept through cabinet meetings, campaign appearances, Pope Francis' funeral, his own inauguration — and his own criminal trial.
can someone please get Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants a sippy-cup of warm milk, and tuck him into bed?
The 42-year-old Syrian leader has reportedly offered Mr Trump investment opportunities, including a Trump tower in Damascus.
now here's a thing that happened on Tuesday. tell me if you think they might be related.
BREAKING: Trump announced lifting of sanctions on Syria
what's America getting out of this arrangement? nothing, that's what. Donny's touring the Middle East so he can make personal deals to enrich himself, and the American public can go pound sand up their ass.
Donny's in Qatar today, and we all know how they bought him off — with that vulgar airborne bordello.
listen to Donny explain why he needs this plane. it's pure penis envy.Air Force One is just so tiny and flaccid compared to all the other big, manly planes.
"the plane that you're in right now is almost forty years old. and when you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar and you see— and they have these brand-new Boeing 747s, mostly. and you see ours next to it. this is like a totally different plane. it's much smaller, much less impressive, as impressive as it is. and, you know, we're the United States of America. I believe that we should have the most impressive plane … now some people say oh, you shouldn't accepts gifts. my attitude is why shouldn't I accept a gift?"
you shouldn't accept a gift because it's fucking wrong, you ignorant asshole. it's specifically forbidden by the Constitution that you imagine somehow doesn't apply to you.
but look at what's eating away at Donny: all these Middle Eastern counties ruled over by despotic kings and princes have bigger planes than we do. oh, boo fucking hoo. cry me a river.
this delusional dipshit just doesn't get it. he's not royalty — no matter how hard he pretends. he's a low-rent slumlord from Queens, New York who failed upwards forever until he finally stumbled ass-backwards into the Oval Office.
somehow he imagines that this entitles him to the world's biggest airplane.
I guarantee that no other democratically-elected leader thinks twice about what they fly around in. it's just not important. Emmanuel Macron doesn't give a shit if his plane isn't the biggest. neither does Mark Carney. neither does the Pope Fucking Leo, for that matter.
but Donny's so broken-inside that he throws a shit-fit if he doesn't get the most ice cream. I wish I were making this up.
It has emerged that the President has two scoops of ice cream with his chocolate cream pie while everyone else at the table has just one.
keep in mind that — once again — the American people are getting nothing out of this. Donny gets to keep the plane, and take it home with him after he leaves office — and that's after hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars are spent making it secure enough to be used as Air Force One.
Converting a luxury jet gifted by Qatar to President Donald Trump into a replacement for Air Force One could potentially cost hundreds of millions of dollars, and it could take up two years to install the necessary security equipment, communications and defensive capabilities for it to be safely used by the commander in chief.
so the American people actually are getting less than nothing out of this "deal." thanks a fucking lot, Donny.
hey, look who found his voice. look who's speaking out against Dear Leader accepting four-hundred-million-dollars bribes. it's the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun — the timid lickspittle whose gonads have been marinating in jar on a Motel-a-Lago shelf since 2016.
even Ted knows that accepting trojan-horse gifts from human-rights-abusing fiefdoms is just plain wrong.
"I'm not a fan of Qatar. I think they have a really disturbing pattern of funding theocratic lunatics who want to murder us, funding Hamas and Hezbollah, and that's a real problem. I also think the plane poses significant espionage and surveillance problems."
he's not wrong.
fuck you, Donny, for making me agree with Ted Fucking Cruz.
The YouTube Tarot Readers Are Predicting No Later Than Thanksgiving
Vomiting It All Up, Tuesday Edition
🤣 🤣 🤣
Vomiting It All Up
How Do We Get Rid Of This Cancer?
Vomiting It All Up
You Fucking Believed Him
Vomiting It All Up
No Lies Detected
Right?!
It Is All Very Biblical, Isn't It?
What Should Be Obvious By Now…
The Disturbing Intersection Between 45, His Supporters, And The Deeper Social Issues Long Simmering Beneath The Surface Of American Society
Exactly.
A Reminder…
Another Good Reason To Give Up Fast Food…Among Other Things
Remember…EVERY Accusation Is A Confession
Tis the Season
Just The Right Amount of Fretting
From Greg Fallis:
We're two weeks out from election day and there's a whole lot of OMG OMG Trump's gonna try to steal the election if he loses OMG WTF do we do now?! floating around in social media. And it's making some folks downright frantic.
Yeah, Trump is absolutely going to try to steal the election when he loses. That's just a fact. We all know it. We saw him try to do it four years ago. Of course, he's going to try it again. This time he's better prepared for it. This time he knows what he did wrong last time. (Okay, that's not entirely true; Trump is just a bone-ignorant as he was last time, but now he's got a cadre of feral GOP fascists who are far more skilled at ratfucking.) This time the stakes are higher…both for the nation and for Trump his ownself. He loses, and he's looking at prison.
So yeah, it's understandable that folks are worried. EXCEPT for this: the Dems are also better prepared than last time. We've had four years to put as many safeguards in place as possible. We've had four years to anticipate Trump's moves. Things look better for us than they did four years ago. For example:
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- We've changed the Electoral Count Act to make it far more difficult for state legislatures to reverse the results of an election.
- We have hundreds of lawyers, lawyers in every state, ready to counter the GOP's attempts to ratfuck the votes, and they've got dozens of briefs already written and ready to file, tailored to each state.
- The governors of five of the seven so-called 'swing' states are Democrats. The two GOP-led states includes Georgia, where Gov. Brian Kemp and Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger both resisted Trump's efforts four years ago.
- Of the 60+ lawsuits brought by Trump four years ago, all but one was shot down. Many of the judges in those cases were Republicans, some appointed by Trump his ownself. They're no more likely to agree with him this time.
- Four years ago Trump had the Department of Justice and the Attorney General in his pocket to help him. Now, the DOJ and the AG are more independent.
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This isn't to say that your anxiety isn't warranted. It's not to say there's nothing to fret about. Trump, his Nazgûl lawyers, and his angry supporters are willing to use any corrupt means that might give them a chance to obtain power, including violence. We HAVE to be concerned and vigilant.
But remember, Trump failed last time. He'll almost certainly fail again. Failure is Trump's true brand. Trump is all make-up and weird hair. His strength is mostly an illusion. So yeah, there's reason to fret. It's right and proper to fret about the election.
Fret enough to get out to vote. Fret enough to encourage your friends and fam to vote. Fret enough to put up a yard sign or cough up some coin to donate to your local candidates. Ain't nothing wrong with fretting about this election.
But don't fret too much.