Vomiting It All Up
A Fitting Illustration
They’re DELUSIONAL
I’m Not Holding Out Hope
Dan Quayle was an idiot who proved his idiocy time and time again. Yet Republicans insisted he was a giant, because he fit the warped mold of what they consider leadership (white, male, arrogant, rich, and full of it). It wasn’t until Quayle misspelled “potato” that his political viability came crashing down on him.
It was a nothing moment, really. Quayle didn’t even necessarily get it wrong (“potatoe” is an obsolete alternative spelling). But it was a moment that prompted everyone to see what Quayle’s critics had been saying about him from day one: he was an empty shirted buffoon.
Why am I writing about Dan Quayle of all people? Because as inconsequential as that moment was, as inconsequential as he ended up being, the “potatoe” moment still serves as a case study for something being so on the nose that it finally shattered any illusions (or delusions) that anyone was holding about him. There was really no way to defend his intellect after that; after all, the guy couldn’t even spell “potato.”
That was, of course, a comparatively innocent time. Back then we were still debating whether someone was too full of it and stupid to be President of the United States (or Vice President, as it were). We’ve since been subjected to a President of the United States who can’t spell anything, and can barely speak a coherent sentence, yet his illiteracy isn’t among the thousand most disqualifying things about him. We have a President who is a recently convicted felon, whose entire business empire has been exposed as a long running fraud with thoroughly cooked books, who was found by the courts to have sexually assaulted a woman, who tried to violently overthrow the government of the United States, who has advanced dementia and appears to be dying, who was already rejected once for being the worst President in the history of the United States… and he’s back to being President again?
The bar has been set so low over the past decade that Dan Quayle could never even get the Republican nomination because he’s far too literate – and not nearly evil enough. For some reason, for some utterly psychotic reason, Americans decided to try making the worst person in the world the President, and when that was a disastrous failure, they later decided to make him President again. There’s really nothing that could finally turn Americans against him, right?
But that’s when the on-the-nose last straw comes in. Rob Reiner, a lovely man whose life’s work has inspired millions and whose activism was marked by his dignified approach to it, was tragically murdered by his mentally unwell son. It was one of those moments that has caught everyone off guard. I loved everything about Reiner. But even if you didn’t like anything about Reiner, there’s just no way you’d root for him to go out like this, or anything like this. It’s horrifying, and except for the very fringe of internet trolls, no one was going to find any joy in this awful moment.
Even this so-called President of the United States, who openly despised Rob Reiner and everyone knew it, was surely going to sit this one out, right? This small fraction of a man, even if he was celebrating Reiner’s murder privately, surely had the sense not to say it out loud, right? And even if the Asshole-in-Chief was going to say something negative about Reiner in the wake of his murder, he’d at least… I don’t even know. You just thought that even this worthless husk of a man, whose repugnant behavior has been at its absolute worst of late, just might have stopped at the water’s edge on this one.
But no. This deranged individual occupying the Oval Office, who I’m so angry at right now that I can’t even bring myself to use his name in this article, announced that Rob Reiner got himself murdered by being too angrily opposed to – well, we’re not using his name today.
Where does one even start? Never mind that this insane man… no, you know what? I’m not even going to try to analyze it. I don’t want to know what’s going on in his rotten festering mind, and I no longer care. To hell with him. There’s nothing left to analyze, other than to observe that his dementia appears to be making his worst qualities even worse.
But this isn’t about the man whose name I can’t bring myself to type today. It’s about his supporters. It’s about how, after a decade of warning signs, flashing red lights, loud sirens, and glaringly evil thoughts expressed in exact words, this cretin finally said something that prompted many of his own most prominent supporters to loudly and publicly condemn him. It’s about how this monster finally did something that was so on-the-nose monstrous, his weary supporters could no longer hang in there and pretend it was okay – or even keep it to themselves.
There is no way to predict where this will go next. For all we know, his supporters may well fall back in line with him by the time you’re reading this article. They may even have second thoughts about what the cretin said about Rob Reiner, decide it was justified, and start parroting it themselves. It’s happened before. But yesterday felt different. It was as if they knew their toad god had finally done something so egregious that they knew they weren’t going to be able to credibly defend him on it. For one brief cogent moment on their part, they were as repulsed by this repugnant man as the rest of us have been from the start. Something finally pierced the bubble of delusion that had spent a decade pretending up was down, wrong was right, and the most vile and most destructive man on earth was somehow a classy working class hero.
We’ll see what happens now. But maybe, just maybe, something as simple as a President of the United States publicly gloating derangedly over a political adversary’s murder is finally on the nose enough to jolt his remaining supporters into acknowledging that something is very, very wrong.
BE AWARE
Tomorrow is another No Kings protest. Don’t give ICE or Guardsmen any excuse to rile things up. Then urge your local organizers to plan the next one for protesting the Congressional Cowards who are allowing the Regime to get away with all the unconstitutional bullshit.
Bat. Shit. Insane.
It Walks The Earth
Nowadays, no one believes in evil. It is considered, at most, a mere negation of good. Evil, people say, is done by those who know no better – who are undeveloped – who are to be pitied rather than blamed. But… evil is real! It is a fact! I believe in evil as I believe in good. It exists! It is powerful! It walks the earth!” ~ Agatha Christie
FUCK TRUMP, THE REPUBLICAN CONGRESS, AND HIS ENTIRE GODDAMNED ADMINISTRATION
Friday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich
here’s an awesome true story from American history.
on December 1, 1863, Abe Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, granting freedom to all enslaved black people in the Confederate states.
now, I hear you asking, hey Uncle Jeff, did the citizens of Texas go ‘I guesswe should tell the people we’ve been enslaving that they’re now free’? hell no, they did not. this is Texas we’re talking about. they were all ‘fuck that guy. Lincoln can eat an entire bag of dicks if he thinks we’re giving up that sweet, sweet free labor.’
fast forward to two-and-a-half years later — June 19th, 1865 — when Union Major General Gordon Granger rode into Galveston, Texas, pulled out his gun, and declared ‘this shit ends now.’
and so the white folks of Texas were finally forced to be all ‘oh hey, black people, you’ll never guess what happened.’
in 2021, Juneteenth became a federal holiday. Republicans hate Juneteenth, because it was signed into law by Joe Biden — and everything Sleepy Brandon does is automatically bad. so it was only natural that yesterday, racists in America continued their multi-hundred-year unbroken streak of being shitty to black people.
let’s start right at the top, with the Bigot-in-Chief — because let’s face it: everyone was just waiting for him to do a racism.
it was like that Simpsons meme come to life, if you replace ‘stupid’ with ‘racist’
even the White House press corps were all c’mon, Karoline, throw us a bone. we know he’s gonna do it. just tell us when.
reporter: “it’s Juneteenth. does the president plan to commemorate the holiday at all or make any comment?”
Leavitt: “I’m not tracking his signature on a proclamation today. I know this is a federal holiday, I want to thank all of you for showing up to work. we are certainly here. we are working 24/7 right now.”
second reporter: “will he mark Juneteenth in any way, today, or with an event later on?”
Leavitt: “I just answered that question for you.”
take note of how Ms. Lie-vitt phrased her evasive non-answer. ‘I want to thank all of you for showing up to work (unlike all those lazy black people who stayed home).’
that’s gonna be a recurring theme, because when Donny — after somehow managing to remain quiet for most of the day — finally farted out a post, he picked up Karoline’s ball and ran with it.
“Too many non-working holidays in America. It is costing our Country $BILLIONS OF DOLLARS to keep all of these businesses closed. The workers don’t want it either! Soon we’ll end up having a holiday for every once working day of the year. It must change if we are going to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
awesome. this guy — President Golfcart McChucklefuck — thinks we have too many holidays.
hey, let’s check President Golfcart’s official schedule for today.
oh look, Mister Too Many Holidays is ditching work again so he can fuck off at his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery.
I guess it’s just a coincidence that Donny chose Juneteenth as the day to whine about why do we have so many days off.
here’s how Vice President Couchfuck McGee commemorated the occasion: by being both racist and deeply offensive.
(actually, this interview is from earlier this week, but hey, close enough.)
podcaster Theo Von: “I’ll tell you this. I heard that Frederick Douglass was gay.”
JD Vance: [bursts out laughing]
Von: “I’ve heard it from four people.”
JD Vance: “[continues to laugh] where do you go to find the people who tell you that Frederick Douglass is gay? you must hang out in more interesting places than I do.”
Von: “that’s why he wanted to free all those men, ’cause he was having trouble meeting anybody.”
Vance: “[laughs] we’re going to talk to the Smithsonian about putting up an exhibit on that, and Theo Von, you can be the narrator for this new [laughs] understanding of the history of Frederick Douglass.”
Von: “but when you think about it, though — he seemed awfully interested in gettin’ them fellas off work early.”
just a couple of vile fuckwads, sittin’ around and talkin’.
no biggie, am I right? it’s just the Vice President of the United States, lauging it up as some podcast yutz describes the emancipation of the enslaved as ‘getting off work early’ so that Frederick Douglass can meet someone. JD Vance laughs it up, like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and suggests the Smithsonian should have an exhibit about it. what the actual fuck?
look how comfortable Couchfuck is, talking to this bigoted bozo. this is clearly his kind of guy.
this is a jerk who, if you put him in a donut shop, can’t fake a human response to save his life. he’s all HELLO, FELLOW PERSON. HA HA. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SELLING DONUTS? HA HA. THAT’S GREAT.
but stick him in a room with a racist, and suddenly he’s Mister Personality.
now let’s check in with the Fox News dunk-tank clown. oh look, Piss Drunk Pete’s official response to Juneteenth is to stick his fingers in his ears and go LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU. he’s just going to pretend it isn’t happening.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s office requested “a passive approach to Juneteenth messaging” for the holiday on Thursday commemorating the end of slavery, according to an email obtained by Rolling Stone. The news was relayed by the Pentagon’s Office of the Chief of Public Affairs, which said it wasn’t planning to publish Juneteenth-related content online.
do you think ‘pretend it’s not happening’ is what SecDef Kegstand said to all the woman he ahem allegedly assaulted?
now let’s watch as the Libertarian Party lengthens their 54-year-long unbroken streak of complete irrelevance.
“Juneteenth is egalitarianism and communism. We will interpret anyone who positively celebrates Juneteenth holiday as admitting to being a communist (egalitarian).”
do words even have meanings any more?
I googled egalitarianism just to make sure I had the definition right.
“the doctrine that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.”
wait — isn’t ‘all people are equal’ one of the founding principles of the United States? so how the fuck is that communism?
let’s not even bother trying to figure that one out. let’s just move on to misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. he’s been whining about why do those people get a holiday for years.
“You should be working today. Not taking today off for a CRT-inspired federal holiday that competes with July 4th.”
this is a common moan about Juneteenth from the worst fucking people on the planet — that it somehow ‘competes’ with July 4.
how?
is there seriously anyone biting into a burger or watching fireworks on July 4, and going oh come on, we just did this two weeks ago. what’s even the point?
if there is, I want to meet this person so I can smack them on their dumb-ass what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you face.
this year, Gnomey Chuck’s outdone himself. not content to just bellyache about when do white people get a day, he’s decided to compose some incomprehensible screed-length gobbledygook that supposedly proves that Junteenth somehow ‘displaces’ July 4th. or something like that. who on earth has the time — or desire — to parse this twaddle?
Christ on a crispy cornflake, that’s a lot of words just to say ‘I’m a racist.’
here’s how a real president commemorates Juneteenth.
Joe Biden gave a speech last night at the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Galveston, Texas.
oe doesn’t have his own vulgar flying bordello to jet around in, so he flew commercial, and posed for selfies with his fellow passengers.
don’t you miss having a human being for president?
here are your heroes of the day: CNN’s Kaitlin Collins and — holy shit! — The New York Times.
after it was announced that Donny would decide ‘in two weeks’ whether or not to attack Iran, Collins mocked the shit out of that ludicrous claim by putting together a two-and-a-half minute long supercut of all the times Donny’s used ‘two weeks’ as a dodge to cover up the fact that he never has any plan at all.
the ‘two weeks’ claim is so worn-out and laughable by now that even The New York Times couldn’t avoid committing a journalism.
Two weeks for Mr. Trump can mean something, or nothing at all. It is both a yes and a no. It is delaying while at the same time scheduling. It is not an objective unit of time, it is a subjective unit of time. It is completely divorced from any sense of chronology. It simply means later. But later can also mean never. Sometimes.
Donny is in way over his head, has no fucking clue what he’s doing, and has been using ‘two weeks’ for literal years as a handy way to change the subjuct to anything else. it’s nice to see that the press might finally be growing weary of being treated like annoying children who ask too many questions.
more like this, please, journalists.
Thursday Madness from Jeff Tiedrich
hey, everyone! let’s play Wheel of Moron. here’s how it goes: you take the stupidest fucking imbecile to have ever loaded a diaper in the Oval Office. you make sure he has no impulse control, no understanding of how geopolitics works, and — most importantly — absolutely no understanding of how consequences work.
you take this fuckwit, and you put him in charge of a nuclear arsenal.
and that’s it! ready to play? here we go.
Kaitlin Collins: “does that mean you haven’t made a decision yet on what to do [about attacking Iran]?”
Donny: “I have ideas as to what to do, but I haven’t made a final. I like to make the final decision one second before it’s due.”
awesome! America’s Game-Show-Host-in-Chief is going to spin the Wheel of Moron, and no one has any clue where it will land — not even the game show host.
what could possibly go wrong?
it’s Dick Nixon’s ‘madman theory,’ except in this case it’s not a theory — it’s real life.
when Nixon was president, there was this fun thing his foreign policy stooges would do: they’d ring up their commie adversaries and go ‘look, our president is fucking nuts. we’re trying like hell to keep his finger off the button, but we really can’t control him. he’ll nuke you in a hot second and not think twice about it, so maybe you ought to give him what he wants.’
The madman theory is a political theory commonly associated with the foreign policy of U.S. president Richard Nixon and his administration, who tried to make the leaders of hostile communist bloc countries think Nixon was irrational and volatile so that they would avoid provoking the U.S. in fear of an unpredictable response.
spoiler alert: it didn’t work. Nixon was a paranoid criminal, but he wasn’t insane — and no foreign leader bought his act.
but oh, look: the Madman Theory isn’t a theory any more. now we have an actual madman in the Oval Office, and Iran better watch out, because no one know what the fuck he’s going to do. even he claims he doesn’t know — not until he spins the Wheel of Moron and sees where it lands.
check out the very next collection of word-like sounds that seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth during that presser, because they’re fucking doozies.
“a lotta wars there was no reason for. you look right up there, I don’t know, you see the Declaration of Independence and I say, I wonder if, you know, the Civil War, it seemed to me maybe that could have been solved without losing 600,000-plus people.”
wait, Donny looks at the Declaration of Independence and it makes him think of the Civil War — which he then claims there was no reason for, and that he would have negotiated his way out of it? how does anyone go from ‘we the people think having a king fucking sucks’ to ‘gee, if only Lincoln could have met Jeff Davis halfway?’
fucking hell, Donny still has no idea what’s actually in the Declaration of Independence, does he? all he knows is famous document! America! liberty!
this whole ‘Civil War was unnecessary’ claim is not a new hallucination for Donny. he’s been gibbering about it for years, that if he had been The Great Railsplitter, he would have negotiated his way out of the Civil War — which is basically a big ball of what the fuck are you even talking about?
how would that have happened? seriously, what do you put on the bargaining table when the issue at stake is the right to own people?
‘ok, you Confederates can enslave black people on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday. the rest of the time they’re free. do we have a deal?’
let’s get real. if Donny had been prez in 1862, he would have been the Taco Railsplitter, and the Confederacy would live on to this very day. all Jeff Davis would have had to do was stop answering the phone (ok, telegraph) — and boom, Donny would have folded.
and we’d all be speaking German, too, because Donny Delano Roosetrump would have fucked up World War Two.
after that fucknuttery, we could really use a palate cleanser. at a Senate hearing yesterday, Tammy Duckworth went ape-shit on Secretary of Defense Kegstand. let’s watch as an actual combat veteran eviscerates an incompetent poser.
“I believe the Secretary of Defense has admitted that the one billion dollar mission that he led against the Houthis, who do not have a navy, has not restored the transitive US flag’s commercial vessels through the Red Sea, and in fact has resulted in the loss of two F-18 Hornets to the tune of 60 million dollars apiece, as well as — I believe the last count was seven Reaper drones to the tune of another two hundred million dollars. you are blowing through money like my fellow cadets and I did in our first liberty after basic camp. luckily, I didn’t end up with a questionable tattoo.”
“your failures, Mr. Secretary, since you’ve taken office, have been staggering. you sent classified operational information over Signal to chest-thump in front of your wife, who by the way has no security clearance, risking service member lives in the process. you blew the one billion dollar fight against the Houthis, who again, has no navy, and yet, you lost all of those aircraft. you’ve created such a hostile command environment that no one wants to serve as your chief of staff, or work with you in other senior DOD leadership roles.”
“but what we should all be talking about, more than all of this, is that you have an unjustified, un-American misuse of the military in American cities, pulling resources and attention away from core missions to the detriment of the country.”
we absolutely fucking thank you for your service, Senator.
but wait — the Democratic Senators weren’t finished using SecDef Kegstand for a chew toy. here’s Michigan’s Elissa Slotkin.
Slotkin: “have you given the order to be able to shoot at unarmed protesters in any way? I’m just asking the question. don’t laugh. the whole country— and by the way, my colleagues across the aisle—”
Kegstand: “what is that based on? what evidence would you have?”
Slotkin: “it is based on Donald Trump giving that order to your predecessor, to a Republican Secretary of Defense, who I give a lot of credit to, because he didn’t accept the order. he had more guts and balls than you, because he said ‘I’m not going to send in any uniformed military to do something that I know in my gut isn’t right.’ he was asked to shoot at their legs. he wrote that in his book. it’s not hearsay. so your poo-pooing of this, it just shows you don’t understand who we are as a country. who we are. and all of my colleagues across the aisle — especially the ones who served — should want an apolitical military, and not want citizens to be scared of their own military. I loved the military. I served my whole life, so I’m worried about you tainting it. have you given the order? have you given the order that they can use lethal force? I want the answer to be ‘no.’ please tell me it’s ‘no.’ have you given the order? ”
Kegstand: “Senator, I’d be careful what you read in books, and believing it. except for the Bible.”
‘except for the Bible.’ what an smug, arrogant asshole.
get back in the dunk-tank, clown.
now let’s go out with a literal bang. last night, the Space Nazi was running some tests on his latest janky rocket, and …
yup, it blowed up good. it blowed up real good.
have a great Juneteenth, everyone. don’t get blowed up.
Vomiting It All Up
when the sentient cockroaches who inherit the Earth from us try to figure out how it all became a smoking, radioactive ruin, they’re not going to believe the truth: that a vindictive, score-settling psychopath went postal because his handlers hustled him out of the G7 before he could power-load his diaper and use it to paint the walls — and because the dumbfuck Fox News dunk-tank clown he made SecDef couldn’t military-parade his way out of a paper bag.
yesterday, while Macron, Meloni, Carney & Co. were gee-sevenning it up in Canada, Mad King Donny was seething in the White House. his handlers may have hidden Donny away from the cameras, but they stupidly forgot to hide his phone — and they should have, because—
hang on, I think we’re getting a Royal Dispatch from His Highness right now. let’s check it out.
We now have complete and total control of the skies over Iran. Iran had good sky trackers and other defensive equipment, and plenty of it, but it doesn’t compare to American made, conceived, and manufactured ‘stuff.’ Nobody does it better than the good ol’ USA.”
ohhh-kay. good to know, bro. thanks for checking in with us. we’re going to get back our— oh wait, you’ve got another Kingly Pronouncement? lay it on us.
We know exactly where the so-called “Supreme Leader” is hiding. He is an easy target, but is safe there – We are not going to take him out (kill!), at least not for now. But we don’t want missiles shot at civilians, or American soldiers. Our patience is wearing thin. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
for fuck’s sake, “thank you for your attention to this matter” is how you close a disgruntled email to your town board because that pothole in front of your house isn’t being fixed fast enough.
it’s not how you close a social media post where you threaten the life of the leader of Iran.
none of this is normal — yet we’re all so far down the rabbit hole with this deranged psychopath that the press barely takes notice.
but wait — the rabbit hole goes even deeper, and now we’re so far down it that Tulsi Gabbard — of all people! — is the lone voice of sanity among Donny’s Confederacy of Sewer Clowns.
Kaitlin Collins: “you always said that you don’t believe the Iran should be able to have a nuclear weapon. but how close do you think they were go getting one? because Tulsi Gabbard testified in March that the intelligence community said Iran wasn’t building a nuclear weapon.”
Donny: “I don’t care what she said.”
how lovely, Donny doesn’t care what Tulsi Gabbard said. Donny knows what he knows — and goddammit, he’s not going to let his own Director of National Intelligence change his mind.
put yourself in Donny’s place. if you were president, who would you listen to: the woman whose job is to know everything that’s going on in the world, or the barking noises inside your own head?
for Donny, hands-down it’s the barking noises. because Dear Leader is desperate for a win right now. everything’s turned to shit. no one takes his tariff pronouncements seriously any more. everyone laughing at Taco Donny. that ahem alleged drunk fuck at the Pentagon totally botched what was supposed to be a glorious military parade.
and don’t get Donny started on those smug G7 shitheads, rolling their eyes and making fun of him behind his back.
and then, the ultimate indignity — his handlers hustling him back to DC in the middle of the night, because they were afraid he’d completely lose it in public.
so what if Donny fell asleep again, right in the middle of a G7 meeting? so what if everyone was staring at him in disbelief? those people are boring, anyway. all they do is yap yap yap yap.
Donny’s going to show them all. he’s going to throw in his lot with that other bloodthirsty butcher, Netanyahu, and rattle swords and make threats — and if it leads to American bombs dropping in the Middle East, all the better. because fuck you, that’s why.
nobody sidelines Donny.
hang on, I think Dear Leader has another kingly dispatch —
“It is my Great Honor to announce that I will be putting up two beautiful Flag Poles on both sides of the White House, North and South Lawns. It is a GIFT from me of something which was always missing from this magnificent place. The digging and placement of the poles will begin at 7:30 A.M. EST, tomorrow morning. Flags will be raised at approximately 11 A.M. EST. These are the most magnificent poles made – They are tall, tapered, rust proof, rope inside the pole, and of the highest quality. Hopefully, they will proudly stand at both sides of the White House for many years to come!”
FLAGPOLES???? this insane fuck is posting about flagpoles?
bro, you just put the entire world on high alert. we’re all just sitting here, chewing our fingernails and wondering when the missiles are going to start flying, and now you’re blithering a mile a minute about ‘magnificent,’ ‘high-quality’ flagpoles?
look at this crazypants shit. he’s personally directing where the holes are to be dug. this is primo fucking lunacy.
Donny is morally unwell, mentally unwell — and clearly physically unwell. he’s a mess. what is going on with his face? what the fuck is going on with his hand?
that’s a photo of Donny at the G7. his right hand is swollen and bruised. what are Donny’s handlers not telling us about this deteriorating old shitnozzle?
thank you for your attention to this matter, handlers.
wait, what’s that, Donny? you have one more thing to get off your chest?
oh great, the Mad King is awake at 1:35am and hallucinating about imaginary poll numbers.
maybe we should just let the sentient cockroaches take over.
thank you for your attention to this matter, roaches.
let’s watch as the frozen fish-stick heir goads the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun into completely losing his shit.
Tucker Carlson: “how many people live in Iran by the way?”
Ted Cruz: “I don’t know the population.”
Carlson: “at all?”
Cruz: “no, I don’t know the population”
Carlson: “you don’t know the population of the country you seek to topple?”
Cruz: “how many people are living there?”
Carlson: “92 million.… How could you not know that?”
Cruz: “I don’t sit around memorizing population tables.”
Carlson: “Well, it’s kind of relevant because you’re calling for the overthrow of the government.”
the whole thing devolves from there.
now, let’s be clear about what’s going on here. Tuckums is being a bully, and using a technique that gun nuts, toxic male influencers, religious wackos and conservatives in general, use to ‘win’ debates: they harangue their opponents, and declare their opinions invalid if they can’t correctly answer questions about minutiae — and Fidel Cruz falls right into Tuck’s trap.
but still — isn’t it fun to watch two hateful assholes exasperate the shit out of each other?
we’re all in bad need of a hero right now, so let’s listen in as a CSPAN caller rips Jake Tapper — who is apparently still making the rounds and hawking his failed shithole book — any number of new ones.
“right now I really don’t like you. I think you’re doing a disservice to Joe, and also to the American people. when are you going to examine what is going on with Trump? Joe Biden conducted himself for four years, taking care of the United States. he took meetings, he went overseas, he negotiated with other leaders. this president has been pure chaos, which indicates to me that there is something wrong with him. we will never get a straight answer on his medical exam, what medication he is on, and yet you have gone after Joe Biden with a vengeance. I’m very disappointed in you. I enjoyed watching your show, but not any more. and I think right now, that you ought to start writing another book, examining Trump, and how erratic he is, and what he is doing.”
thank you for your attention to this matter, Jake.
Vomiting It All Up
Vomiting It All Up
And lastly, to no one’s surprise at all…
when Donny Bone Spurs sent the National Guard to quote-unquote ‘bring order’ to the completely-avoidable ‘crisis’ he manufactured, do you know what he didn’t send along with them? anything for the Guard to eat, or drink. any place for them to sleep, or shit.
he just unceremoniously dumped them in the middle of Los Angeles without planning or forethought, and said sayonara, fucknuggets, you’re on your own. why? because Donny is an incompetent imbecile, and that’s how incompetent imbeciles roll.
look at this dumb-assery.
that’s the California National Guard, trying to sleep on the floor of a warehouse basement in downtown Los Angeles.
this is your National Guard, ladies and gentlemen. hungry, tired, thirsty, and forced to sleep piled up on top of one another — because apparently, it didn’t dawn on anyone at the top that food, water, or places to sleep and shit might be necessary for the Guard during an open-ended deployment.
“This is what happens when the president and (Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth) demand the National Guard state assets deploy immediately with no plan in place … (and) no federal funding available for food, water, fuel and lodging,” the source said. “This is really the failure of the federal government. If you’re going to federalize these troops, then take care of them.”
“Currently, there is no plan for where everyone is sleeping tonight,” the source said, adding that there was an urgent need to find more portable bathrooms and dumpsters for garbage.
isn’t it heartening to know that ‘because fuck you, that’s why’ also extends to the brave men and women who serve our country?
this is the level of expertise that Donny brings to his job: zero.
never forget that as powerful as the position of United States President is, Donny totally fucking sucks at his job — and all his Sewer Clowns suck attheir jobs, too.
here’s a fun fact:
When called into federal service, the National Guard becomes part of the Department of Defense
that means that the federalized Guard in Los Angeles is currently the responsibility of the Fox News dunk-tank clown who the Mad King decided would make the perfect Secretary of Defense.
do you think the tipsy chat-show host who now runs the DoD knows — or cares — about logistics? fuck no, he does not. but you know what SecDef Kegstand does have? his own really cool makeup studio in the Pentagon, so his hair will be perfect at all times.
priorities!
this macho-obsessed uber-bro never stops yammering about warfighters and battle readiness — and what does he do during his first test of his mettle? he tanks it.
fuck me, a carload of drag queens could have done a better job of feeding the Guard.
reporter: “Gavin Newsom is daring Tom Homan to come and arrest him. should he do it?”
Donny: “I would do it, if I were Tom … I think it would be a great thing.”
reporters caught up with Donny again later in the White House, and they were all ‘arrest Gavin Newsom? for what crime, exactly?’
reporter: “what crime has Gavin Newsom committed?”
Donny: “what crime has he committed? I think his primarily— his primary crime is running for governor.”
perfectly normal stuff, the chief executive of the land deciding ad hoc that doing stuff I don’t like is now a crime. Donny wasn’t joking. there’s no smile on his face, or levity in his tone of voice.
nothing to see here, folks, just a spiteful, vindictive Mad King, making shit up as he goes along — exactly as our founders intended when they drafted the Constitution.
let’s back up a bit. the whole reason for the exchanges between Donny and the reporters was ‘border czar’ Tom Homan’s weekend threat to arrest Newsom if he tries to ‘interfere’ with the ICE’s Los Angeles raids — a threat to which Newsom replied, bring it, shitnozzle.
“the fear, the horror, who the hell is this guy? come after me, arrest me, let’s just get this over with, tough guy.”
now, here’s a cool fact about being Donny’s ‘border czar’: it’s a made-up job.Homan wasn’t confirmed by the Senate, and doesn’t actually work for any government agency.
Tom’s job is to puff out his chest and make racist-as-fuck proclamations — but he can’t arrest anybody. he doesn’t have that power.
while we’re on the subject of Donny’s Racism Czar — what’s with the Fidel Castro cosplay?
Tom Homan apparently believes his job now entails playing dress-up and preening for the camera. dude, sit the fuck down. you’re a bureaucrat, not a background extra in some action movie.
Tom must have gotten jealous of all the airtime ICE Barbie was getting.
Tom Homan apparently believes his job now entails playing dress-up and preening for the camera. dude, sit the fuck down. you’re a bureaucrat, not a background extra in some action movie.
Tom must have gotten jealous of all the airtime ICE Barbie was getting
Fox: “what do you say to her point and Gavin Newsom making the same point that all the chaos and everything you’re seeing now is because ICE showed up on the scene, that everything was peaceful up until that moment.”
DHS official Tricia McLaughlin: “that’s absolutely ridiculous. it’s just on Friday night, we— when LAPD was not responding for two hours, our ICE office was surrounded by a thousand protestors. they were uh lighting American flags on fire. burning them as they were hoisting up foreign flags. it’s un-American activity going on, and it was becoming very violent. they were pummeling our ICE enforcement officers with rocks.”
here’s a pro tip for Fox: when making the case that all of Los Angeles is a violent, lawless hellhole, don’t support that case by showing live feed of a people swaying to music in LA’s downtown.
also, if Fox is making the case that ‘hoisting up foreign flags’ is now an ‘un-American activity’ — tell me, is this a foreign flag?
these, to refresh everyone’s memory, are the homeys Donny described as “very fine people” as they marched in Charlottesville in 2017.
how about this dude?
bro here seems a bit confused about which America he belongs to.
here’s a map that that I want you to keep in mind as you listen to Donny and the Sewer Clowns — aided and abetted by the entire wingnut outrage/industrial complex — work overtime to convince you that the entirety of Los Angeles has been ‘swarmed’ by commie anarchists, and that the entire city is consumed by fire and violence.
it was sent to me by commenter Alison Parker, but I didn’t receive it in time to include it in the emailed version of yesterday’s post.
this is the City of Los Angeles. circled in red is the downtown area where the protests are.
so please, Donny, tell us again how all of Los Angeles has been ‘overrun’ by ‘insurrectionists.’ it’s such a cute story.
here’s your quote of the day.
that’s us. let’s fucking go.
Monday Madness
let’s be clear: Preznit Fuckwit needed a distraction. his tariff scheme went tits-up. everyone’s laughing at Taco Donny. Putin’s ignoring him. no one’s impressed with his vulgar flying bordello. his ‘big beautiful bill’ is a big beautiful clusterfuck. DOGE is a bust. his bromance with the Space Nazi has gone fuckity-bye.
the Mad King had to come up with something, anything, to make him feel better about his own worthless, failing self — and so he decided to go full fascist.
a lot of fucked-up shit went down this weekend in Los Angeles. let’s let California Governor Gavin Newsom sum up perfectly why the blame for all of it needs to land squarely on the Mad King’s shoulders.
“Let’s get this straight:
1) Local law enforcement didn’t need help.
2) Trump sent troops anyway — to manufacture chaos and violence.
3) Trump succeeded.
4) Now things are destabilized and we need to send in more law enforcement just to clean up Trump’s mess.”
let’s back this up one step further: none of this had to happen at all.
Donny’s ICE thugs strolled into downtown Los Angeles, looking to fuck shit up.
On Friday morning, federal agents from ICE, the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Drug Enforcement Administration conducted raids across Los Angeles, including at two Home Depots, a doughnut shop, and a clothing wholesaler, in search of workers they suspected of being undocumented immigrants.
got that? ICE went on a fishing expedition based on zero evidence. they invaded places of business. they targeted random brown people at locations where they were likely to be found. which, in Los Angeles, is everyfuckingwhere.
ICE went looking for trouble — and when they didn’t find any, they started some.
none of this was necessary.
it’s really weird how Joe Biden managed to deport undocumented migrants — in greater numbers than Donny — without shitting on the Constitution, without stomping all over human rights — and without disappearing cancer-stricken children who happen to be American citizens.
you know who else took care of immigration policy without fucking everything all to hell? Barack Obama. Bill Clinton. both Smirky Bush and Poppy Bush. Ronald Reagan. Jimmy Carter. Gerald Ford. on and on.
it’s only the Mad King who turned the simple task of managing the border into a five-alarm shithole nightmare. I guess that’s just a coincidence.
or maybe it’s that Donny is a racist chaos-junkie who gets off on violence. his lust for blood was so off the charts that he took a victory lap even before the National Guard arrived on the scene.
“Great job by the National Guard in Los Angeles after two days of violence, clashes and unrest … Again, thank you to the National Guard for a job well done!”
it cannot be stressed enough that Donny posted this about six hours before a single National Guard deployed in Los Angeles.
Donny needs you to believe that all of Los Angeles is a hellish, smoking ruin right now.
“A once great American City, Los Angeles, has been invaded and occupied by Illegal Aliens and Criminals. Now violent, insurrectionist mobs are swarming and attacking our Federal Agents to try and stop our deportation operations.”
none of that shit is true. Los Angeles hasn’t been ‘invaded’ or ‘occupied.’ violent mobs aren’t ‘swarming.’
do you know how many undocumented migrants were arrested by ICE after their Friday sweep of the city?
They arrested 121 people.
one hundred and twenty one people. in a city of 3.821 million. that’s not an invasion, nor an occupation. that’s a rounding error away from zero.
this isn’t the first time Donny’s pulled this “everything’s burning to the ground and only I can save it” bullshit. during the George Floyd protests in 2020, Donny never stopped beating the drum about how Portland, Oregon was a smoking ruin.
fact check: fuck straight off.
Portland’s fire department has a message for President Donald Trump: the whole city is not on fire.
At a Monday news conference, Trump claimed that protests in Portland have been so damaging that “the entire city is ablaze all the time.”
the Portland protests were confined to a small, downtown area — but Donny did such a good job of lying that to this day, there are cultists who will swear to you that the entire city of Portland remains a smoking pile of ashes.
and now the Mad King is doing it all over again with Los Angeles.
did you notice that Donny referred to the protestors as ‘insurrectionists’? that’s because words no longer have meanings in America.
here’s Nosferatu McGoebbels, joining the party and cranking the Orwell dial so far past eleven that it snaps off in his vampyric hand.
“An insurrection against the laws and sovereignty of the United States.”
and when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Pee Wee German, rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions.
yeah, no, jackass: protesting human rights violations is in no way an insurrection. do you really need a definition of an insurrection? here’s one: an insurrection is when you’re such a big fucking baby that you can’t deal with losing an election, and so you whip your deranged worshipers into a frenzy, and then send them off to storm the Capitol, beat the shit out of cops, and stop the certification of votes.
and while we’re on the subject of beating the shit out of cops —
“Hit a cop, you’re going to jail… doesn’t matter where you came from, how you got here, or what movement speaks to you. If the local police force won’t back our men and women on the thin blue line, we will.”
hey Krazee Eyes, what about these guys?
every single one of these cop-beating shitbags got pardoned by Dear Leader on his first day in office.
but wait — we’re not done with our Grand Tour of Sewer Clown Hypocrisy. I’m so old, I remember when a President deploying the National Guard was bad.
“if Joe Biden federalizes the National Guard, that would be a direct attack on states’ rights.”
that was ICE Barbie all the way back in 2024, when she was merely the puppy-perforating governor of South Dakota.
back then, Joe Biden was trying to prevent Texas’ sadistic governor, Greg Abbott, from using razor-wire booby traps to slice the shit out of border-crossing migrants.
hyperventilating Republicans had a message for Joe: deploying the National Guard would be a bridge too far, because states rights!
but now, when Dear Leader wants the Guard to patrol California, suddenly states’ rights are no longer an issue, because — well, frankly, I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s because reasons or because fuck you, that’s why. maybe it’s both.
meanwhile, Donny remains glued to the TV and rooting for bloodshed — in his own country. what kind of broken-inside fuck does that?
arrest the people wearing face masks? who, the ICE goons?
you know, I seem to remember someone warning us that all this would come to pass, if Donny were elected. I also remember that the media was all shut the fuck up, laughing lady.
“Kamala’s newest lie: Trump will send the army after you.”
uh-huh. tell me, is it a lie if something comes true?
the press is continuing to be no help at all.
got that? the Mad King isn’t using the laws of our land for toilet paper — he’s ‘charting new territory.’ thanks for clearing that up, LA Times.
Donny spent his entire first presidency chipping away at the Constitution. now he’s traded his chisel for a blowtorch — and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press are still treating Donny’s ever-quickening rush to fascism as if it were just some interesting variation on governance.
what are we even doing here, worthless scribblers?
stay angry.
stay safe.
and never lose your sense of humor.
Trump nearly falls flat on his face while struggling to walk up the steps to Air Force One today
— MeidasTouch (@meidastouch.com) June 8, 2025 at 1:49 PM
let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.
FUCK TRUMP
Vomiting It All Up, Sunday Edition
And lastly…
last week, as the world’s richest burnout and the world’s most erratic imbecile were distracting us with their pig-wallow slap-fight, Republican fuckfaces were fuckfacing up a storm.
let’s catch up on some of the clownholery that might have flown under your radar.
granny-starving Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick can fuck all the way off.
Congresswoman Madeleine Dean: “what’s the tariff on bananas?”
Lutnick: “generally 10%”
Dean: “Walmart has already increased the cost of bananas by 8%.”
Lutnick: “if you build in America, there is no tariff.”
Dean: “we cannot build bananas in America.”
this smug fuck has just one stock answer that he shoehorns into every situation, even if it makes no sense: build it in America.
yeah, let’s do that. let’s open dozens of banana factories all across the land, with hundreds of thousands of workers screwing billions of tiny little screws into millions of bananas as they roll down the assembly line. fuck you, Guatamala! eat it, Ecuador! bananas are American now!
lord save us from these out-of-touch idiots.
wouldn’t you like to see one moment of honesty from Howard the Lut?
“don’t you think I fucking know we can’t build bananas? my boss is a moron, and I have to say shit like this to keep my job. do you think I enjoy lying to you?”
wait, no — strike that last bit, because yeah, actually, I do think that Granny-Starvin’ Howard enjoys lying to everybody. that’s the way sociopaths roll.
wait, what’s Lutnick doing back? didn’t we just tell him to fuck off?
“the idea is to automate that, to put it on the cloud, so that the 2,100 meteorologists and the hundreds of hydrologists can forecast the weather from central locations, and back up each other, and be more appropriate.”
that’s Howie, buzzwording at a mile a minute, explaining why it was totes cool for the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels to walk into the offices of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and fire everyone in sight.
it cannot be overstated just how much Howie has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. all he’s doing is mindlessly parrotting the incoherent gibberish that Kid Ketamine yammered at him whilst in the middle of a ten-day bender.
…and then all the spoons and the forks will be up in the cloud which will be so much more appropriate to the hydrologists…
meanwhile, the National Weather Service has been gutted to the point where it can’t even predict a fucking tornado.
awesome job, Lutnick. why don’tcha go out and starve a few more grannies. you’ve earned it.
White House energy vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett can fuck off— but before he does, could he please wipe that annoying smirk off his face?
“the federal government workers, they’re hard-working, a lot of them are highly-skilled, but they’re sitting doing government work that isn’t much value.”
oh, please piss straight up a rope with this “not much value” horse shit. it’s all fun and games until your food stops being inspected, and planes start falling out of the sky.
I can think of one government worker who adds ZERO value to our country: Kevin Hassett. does he even have an office? in every single interview, he’s on the lawn in front of the White House.
here’s some rando ‘economic advisor’ who apparently also lives on the lawn. he can fuck off.
Stephen Miran: “there are a lot of deals in the works. I expect a flurry around the deadline.” Fox host: “I’m sorry to interrupt but every time we do these segments, I’m just looking for the name of a country. can you give me a name?”
Miran: “I cannot.”
bro, if you can’t give us a name, can you at least tell us if any of these countries are in the room with us right now?
another day, another round of dissembling from one of the Mad King’s ass-clown stooges. look, on April 12th, we were promised “90 deals in 90 days,” as the Greatest Dealmaker of All Time was going to astonish us all with bang! bang! bang! one amazing trade deal after another.
the reality is that we’re getting 90 fuckwits on the White House lawn in 90 days — because it turns out the dipshit in the Oval Office isn’t the Greatest Dealmaker. instead, he’s Taco Donny, and he has no fucking clue what he’s doing.
by the way, mad props to Matthew Budman on bluesky, who reminded me that I tweeted this six years ago today.
in six years, not one fucking thing has changed. Donny is still praising himself for imaginary accomplishments — and now, even Fox News is getting fed up with the constant dog-and-ponying.
before we get into this next clip, let me remind everyone that Louisiana Senator John “Not The Good John” Kennedy is an actual Oxford-educated Rhodes Scholar who pretends to be a moron in order to pander to the rubes who vote for him.
keep all that in your mind as the Esteemed Senator does his Mushmouth McYokel act.
oh, and Senator Kennedy can fuck all the way off.
Kennedy: “Harvard is in many respects violatin’ federal law.”
Morning Joe: ‘what federal law is Harvard violating?”
Kennedy: “Harvard practices ideological capture.”
now, I’m not a fancy-shmancy Rhodes Scholar like the esteemed senator here, so I had to google ‘ideological capture’ to find out what it is — and what I found were a shitload of right-wing thinks tanks all whining about universities that are — to put it in terms that Senator Kennedy would understand — ‘they’s teachin’ things ah don’ like.’
but you know what? whatever ‘ideological capture’ is or isn’t, there’s no federal law against it — so Senator Marblemouth can stick a fucking sock in his performative-nonsense grandstanding. that shit might impress his dumb-as-rocks constituents, but we’re not buying any today.
here’s your hero of the day: Patricia Eguino, who used both a bullhorn and an air-horn to disrupt an attempted press conference by Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio. she completely derailed that shit. enjoy
Oh Snap!
Thursday Madness
pinch me, I’m dreaming.
Comer Fudd — the banjo kid from Deliverance who somehow grew up to chair the House Oversight Committee — is at it again.
Congress’ rake-steppingest glutton for punishment is fucking livid right now.
Joe Biden is old? why didn’t anyone tell me that Joe Biden is old? this does not happen on my watch. we’re gonna git to the bottom of this.
“at the end of the day, we may demand that he had to come in and uh answer questions. and uh they could refuse to do that. so I’m gonna announce on your show tonight that he will receive a subpoena tomorrow, Dr. O’Connor will be the first person to receive an official subpoena. we’re serious about these people coming in, so now he’s gonna hafta come in and do a full-blown deposition as opposed to a transcribed interview.”
ooooooh, an official subpoena. so much scarier than an unofficial subpoena.
oh my god, this ass-clown is really going to go there. he’s going to try to blow up an 82-year-old former president’s cancer diagnosis into a scandal.
here’s what I say: go ahead. make our day.
here we go again. for four years, Comer Fudd and his partner in idiocy, the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach Jim Jordan, wasted the entire country’s time on an endless series of hearings into the imaginary crimes of Joe Biden — and the only thing the Jimmies ever really proved was that Hunter Biden is the owner of a freakishly ginormous trouser snake.
so now, Comer Fudd’s going to drag Joe Biden’s doctor, Kevin O’Connor, into some interrogation room, shine the brights lights on him, and give him the third degree.
out with it, pal. how old is Joe Biden? how old? HOW OLD???
for fuck’s sake, there’s no scandal here. Joe Biden developed a rare, fast-growing, aggressive cancer. it happens. it’s a tragedy, not a scandal.
let’s assume, however, for the sake of argument, that the diaper-fillers and the finger-pointers are correct — that Joe Biden developed this cancer during his presidency and kept it a secret. somebody please explain how it’s a scandal. explain it to me like I’m five years old, because I’m just not getting it. so fucking what? did it change the course of history? absolutely not.Biden dropped out of the race, and the Democrats lost the presidency, the House and the Senate.
you’d think that literally winning everything would be enough for these fuckface shitweasels — but no, it’s not enough. they have to kick Joe Biden when he’s down — because they’re psychopaths, and, as always, cruelty is the point.
look, you creeps — you want a realscandal to investigate? here you go: there is a president right now in the Oval Office whose brain has quite obviously gone fuckity-bye. we know jack shit about his health.we’ve never ever seen one actual medical report on the overweight 78-year-old who never exercises, lives on a diet of junk food, and brags about being able to point to the drawing of a camel.
how about someone subpoena Mad King Donny’s doctor and ask him how an allegedly blown-to-bits ear magically grows back with no scarring in less than a week’s time. I’d really fucking love to know how that’s possible.
Comer Fudd is hoping to depose Dr. O’Connor behind closed doors, because then he can lie about what was said, just as he did over and over during his farcical attempts to impeach Biden.
but I’m hoping that a closed-door session doesn’t satisfy Comer. I’m rooting for Comer to announce public hearings, because the country could really use a good laugh right now.
we need a round of good-old clownfucktacular hearings like we had all through Biden’s presidency, where an unprepared Comer got repeatedly dick-punched by Democrats like Jasmine Crockett and Jared Moskowitz.
let’s saunter down memory lane. remember this, from September 2023?
“but when we start talking about things that look like evidence, they want to act like they blind. they don’t know what this is. these are our national secrets, looks like in the shitter to me. this looks like more evidence of our national secrets, on a stage at Mar-a-Lago. … I could go on, but he’s got 91 counts pending right now. but I will tell you what President Biden has been guilty of: loving his child unconditionally, and that is the only evidence that they have brought forward, and honestly, I hope and pray that my parents love me half as much as he loves his child. until they find some evidence, we need to get back to the peoples’ work, which means keeping this government open so that people don’t go hungry in the streets of the United States, and I will yield.”
or how about this, from March 2024
Moskowitz: “I just think we should do it today. let’s just call for it. I’ll make the motion, Mr. Chairman, I want to help you out. you can second it, right? I make the motion to impeach President Biden. go ahead. your turn. you can second it.”
Comer: “gggyyyy”
Moskowitz: “no. nothing. ok, we got nothing. so, with my last couple of minutes, I want to show the American people that they’re never going to impeach Joe Biden. it’s never going to happen. because they don’t have the evidence. ok? this is a show. it’s all fake.”
“no evidence” — that’s why Comer Fudd always came out of those dog-and-pony shows looking like a damned fool. he never had any evidence. just a feeling that Joe Biden is guilty of crimes because of course Joe Biden is guilty of crimes.no, Jimmy, that’s not how it works. that’s not how any of this works. if you make an accusation, you back it up with evidence.
and now, Comer’s going to make all those same mistakes all over again. because once again, he has no evidence that Joe Biden covered up his cancer diagnosis. just feelings.
come on, Comer. hold some hearings. you know you want to.
and now, in related — but no less stupid — news, look at this supreme bit of fucknuttery.
In an executive order, Mr. Trump put the power and resources of the federal government to work examining whether some of Mr. Biden’s presidential actions were legally invalid because his aides had enacted those policies without his knowledge.
Donny is hella mad about all the preemptive pardons that Biden issued to Donny’s enemies, because now he can’t go after General Milley or Dr. Fauci for their imaginary crimes. so Donny’s convinced himself that all those pardons are invalid because Biden didn’t actually sign them himself.
yeah, no. there’s no ahem evidence that Biden’s aides pulled any of that kind of shit, but so what? Donny doesn’t need evidence. like Comer Fudd, Donny has feelings.
there’s no evidence that Joe Biden was executed in 2020 and replaced by a robot, but that didn’t stop Donny from posting exactly that on his failing app
so, let’s recap. the current entity pretending to be Joe Biden is a not-smart malfunctioning crime-robot with cancer. and, on top of that, the BidenBot5000™ is so demented that his handlers were able to sign documents without his knowledge.
does Donny ever listen to any of the crap that oozes out of his rancid anus-mouth?
by the way, here’s a fact check. presidential pardons don’t need to be signed. there’s nothing in the Constitution that requires it. this whole fucking obsession of Donny’s is just one more waste of everyone’s time.
all this batshittery is ludicrous, but it serves a purpose. it functions as a distraction, meant to take the public’s eye off the ‘big beautiful bill’ that guts Medicaid in order to hand our oligarch overlords another round of extravagant tax cuts.
it’s also a distraction from Donny’s own absymal failings as a president, and a human being.
hey, is anyone in the mood for a taco right now?
Slava Ukraini!
Trump and Vance said Zelenskyy should obey. Take what Russia offers. Get nothing in return.
The worst advice from two groomed traitors.
“You don’t have the cards,” will go down in history as the worst military assessment. Now the draft-dodging doofus wants a parade with tanks and soldiers. What a joke.
Tuesday Madness
it’s a well-known fact that expertise is not the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns’ strong suit. pretty much the whole worthless lot of them are low-voltage ignoramuses who don’t know shit about shit.
look no further than the Secretary of Health and Human Services. he doesn’t know how germs work. the Director of Homeland Security doesn’t know how human rights work. the Defense Secretary doesn’t know how sobriety works. neither does the Attorney for the District of Columbia.
how about the imbecile who rules them all? Dear Leader hasn’t a clue how not being a ginormous fuckwad works.
so none of us should be surprised that, when asked if he was ready for hurricane season, Donny’s new head of FEMA was all ‘hurri-what now?’
Staff of the Federal Emergency Management Agency were left baffled on Monday after the head of the U.S. disaster agency said he had not been aware the country has a hurricane season, according to four sources familiar with the situation.
The remark was made during a briefing by David Richardson, who has led FEMA since early May.
hurricane season, David. how do you not know about hurricane season? look, bro, let me explain. every year, starting in June and continuing through November, conditions in the Caribbean— holy shit, David, did your eyes glaze over already? what the fuck?
where does Donny find these people?
the obvious guess would be Fox News — but I’m looking at Richardson’s bio page at FEMA.com and he’s not from Fox. another fun fact gleaned from David’s bio is that he’s a combat veteran and an expert in dealing with WMDs — which is pretty fucking cool, but not a qualification to head FEMA. in fact, there’s nothing in his resume about emergency management, which — spoiler alert — is what the E and the M in FEMA stand for.
look, I know that Mad King Donny hates FEMA and wants to kill it — and the best way to do that is hire some unqualified toady to mismanage the shit out of the joint — but how did this guy somehow not even hear about hurricane season by accident?
it’s fucking impressive that David Richardson has apparently gone his whole life without walking past a TV, hearing the words ‘hurricane season,’ and having it sink into his dome by osmosis.
Richardson now claims he was just joshing. yeah, right. that’s the standard Sewer Clown dodge whenever one of them gets caught committing a stupid. come one, it was all a big joke. where’s your sense of humor?
fact check: the ignorance. it burns.
while we’re on the subject of not knowing, White House Energy Vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett apparently doesn’t understand how the passage of time works.
George Stephanopoulos: “when will we see an actual trade agreement? will we see any this week?”
Hassett: “I expected we were probably going to see one perhaps as early as last week.”
very nice Jedi mind trick there from Kevin Hassett. when asked if something will happen this week, Kevin makes a bold prediction about what will happen last week — and then gets it wrong.
beautiful stuff. peak Sewer Clown.
fact check: on April 12, Mad King Donny announced that he would be making “90 deals in 90 days.” fifty-two days have passed since then. we have yet to see one deal.
Kasie Hunt: “did you ever witness Elon Musk under the influence of drugs?”
Hassett: “not in a million years. he’s a person who is so filled with joy that it’s just a natural way that he is.”
oh, please. check out the Space Nazi’s behavior during his fake-farewell press conference last Friday.
fact check: he’s zonked out of his fucking mind.
oh yeah. that’s natural. no drug use at all, uh huh. clearly, the guy is just high on life.
let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.
does House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson understand how not lying works?
Kristen Welker: “if the big beautiful bill does add to the debt, will Trump own it?”
Holy Mike: “it’s not gonna add to the debt.”
Welker: “experts say this will add trillions to the deficit. can you really guarantee this will not add one penny of debt?”
Holy Mike: “I’m telling you this is going to reduce the deficit.”
fact check: the ‘big beautiful bill’ is going to explode the deficit.
Six Nobel laureate economists said a massive budget bill passed by House lawmakers last month and backed by President Trump would weaken key safety-net programs while greatly lifting the federal debt.
The tax and spending package, which Republicans have dubbed the “one big beautiful bill,” would hurt millions of Americans by slashing Medicaid and food stamps, the economists wrote in a June 2 letter on behalf of the Economic Policy Institute, a left-leaning think tank.
gee, who to believe — six Nobel laureates or the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel? it’s a goddamned conundrum.
I have a question: isn’t Holy Mike supposed to be a big proponent of the Bible?
I’m no Biblical scholar, but I seem to recall that the Good Book has this whole section in it with all these thou shalt nots — and I’m pretty sure one of the bigger shalt nots is ‘lie your fucking face off.’ I get the general sense that the Bible frowns on that kind of shit.
oh wait, maybe Holy Mike isn’t lying. perhaps he’s just a person who is so filled with joy that he’s just naturally optimistic.
yeah, that’s it.
here’s your hero of the day: actor Nick Offerman, probably best known for playing Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
June is Pride Month — so of course the worst people in the world are rage-loading their diapers over ThE gAyS refusing to remain in the closet.
when Mike Flynn Jr — the Don Jr of the treasonous Flynn clan — tried to hijack a Ron Swanson meme and use it to broadcast his own rampant homophobia, here’s how Nick ripped him a new one.
“Ron was best man at a gay wedding you dumb fuck. #HappyPride”
fact check: true.
Vomiting It All Up, Sunday Evening Edition
The Week In Stupid
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: sticker shock
folks, pour one out for hack scribbler Chris Cillizza. keep him in all your thoughts and prayers. Chris is going through some serious shit right now.
here’s how this tragedy went down: Chris drove two whole hours to watch his son play in a soccer tournament in Richmond, Virginia — and when the match was over and he returned to the parking lot, he found that his precious Tesla had been vandalized.
oh my god, that’s terrible. what did they do? did they set the car on fire? did they spray paint obscenities all over it?
no, it’s worse than that — so much worse. what this terrorist did was scotch-tape a piece of paper to Chris’ bumper.
oh noes! but wait. that doesn’t look like the bumper of a car.
of course it isn’t. Chris popped that sucker right off, took it into his house and snapped a pic of it.
so there was no damage?
well, Chris got his fee-fees completely hurted. that’s not nothing. look, why are you being such an insensitive prick about the living nightmare that Chris had to go through?
sorry. tell me what happened next.
I’ll tell you exactly what happened next. Chris was all this aggression will not stand, man —
— and he wrote a really bitchy post about it for the Daily Beast.
wait — you’re telling me that instead of crumpling up the paper, tossing it away and getting on with his life, Chris Cillizza opted instead to punch himself in the dick by writing a thousand-word screed and calling attention to what a whiny dipshit he is? because the entire fucking internet is mocking him now.
yeah, that’s pretty much it.
I hope no one ever leaves a flyer for a pizzeria on Chris’ windshield. I’m not sure he could handle that much tragedy.
tuesday: what rhymes with crapper
Jake Tapper’s relentless promotion of his Biden hit-job continues. look at the self-satisfied glee with which he delivers the line he no doubt practiced in the mirror for hours.
“it is a scandal. it is without question — and maybe even worse than Watergate in some ways, because Richard Nixon was in control of his faculties when he wasn’t drinking.”
first of all: fuck off, Jake.
second of all: fuck all the way off, Jake.
no, the alleged cover-up of an allegedly impaired president is notworse than Richard Nixon sending a band of thugs to break into Democratic National Headquarters to steal everything that wasn’t nailed down. how fucking dare you smirk while these imbecilic words leak out of your face-hole.
hey, let’s fast forward to the end of the week, because we could all use a little schadenfreude right now. oh look — Tapper’s book is an embarrassing failure.
Biden’s book, “Original Sin,” with Alex Thompson has had more publicity than any book of recent memory thanks to CNN’s collaboration. But now come the disappointing sales. 53,737 print units sold, per Circana BookScan for the first week.
By comparison: Bob Woodward’s book “Fear: Trump in the White House” sold 1.1 million copies in its first week.
ohhh. too bad, so sad, Jake. sucks to be you. here, have some tiny violin.
for the rest of us, it’s Snoopy dance!
wednesday: dare to be an idiot
hey, remember last year, when Vivek Ramaswamy was a thing for about fifteen minutes, and then everyone was all yeah, fuck no and quickly forgot all about him?
well, Vivek’s back, baby — and he’s got the solution to our national debt. check out this brilliant idea: the whole fucking thing would disappear in a heartbeat if everybody would just choose to be a billionaire!
“we’re going to have to have the courage to take on independence from the federal entitlement state. that’s what we actually need to be talking about, and I personally believe that everything else ends up being a distraction of dealing with this national debt issue. as the question of how are we going to start with a generation of Americans who hopefully become so wealthythat they don’t need the federal entitlement state.”
everyone should just become a billionaire! it’s that fucking easy.it’s a solution so obvious, I can’t believe no one ever thought of it before now. just choose to be rich! and you don’t even have to think up a new way to do it. just do what Vivek did, and enrich yourself through fraud and stock manipulation.
look, I have a simpler solution: why don’t we just grind up half the poors and feed them to the other poors?
if it was good enough for Jonathan Swift, then it’s good enough for America.
thursday: we’re all going to whaaaaat?
Iowa Senator and pig-castration aficionado Joni Ernst held a town hall this week — and like so many Republicans, she encountered a buzzsaw of angry voters demanding to know why social programs were being gutted so that gazillionaires could get another round of tax cuts.
unlike others in the GOP, however, Joni maintained her cool. after she told a bunch of lies about how the real problem is “illegals” receiving Medicaid benefits (fact check: they don’t, because they can’t), the crowd started shouting “PEOPLE WILL DIE.”
no biggie, countered Joni, because—
“well, we all are going to die.”
wait, what? why am I just hearing about this now?
my my, aren’t we fucking philosophical, Joni.
of course, some of us will die in bed, surrounded by our loved ones, and some of us will die face down in the gutter because we can’t afford medical care — but does any of that really matter? because in the end, we’re all just expired meat, right?
it’s a wise old saying: elect a bunch of psychopath clowns, get a psychopath circus.
do you think that’s what Joni said to those hogs, as she was lopping off their balls? ‘don’t worry about this, we’re all going to die.’
friday: ugh, this fucking guy
why the hell would any of our worthless scribblers bother asking the doughy pantload in the Oval Office to comment on Joe Biden’s cancer diagnosis? yet, that’s exactly what someone did — and Little Donny Fuckface did not disappoint.
“not a smart person, but a somewhat vicious person, I will say. if you feel sorry for him, don’t feel so sorry for him, ’cause he’s vicious. what he did with his political opponent, and all of the people that he hurt. he hurt a lot of people, Biden, and so I really don’t feel sorry for him.”
oh. my. fucking. god. stay classy, you malodorous piece of shit.
at the risk of repeating myself for the umpteenth time, the first reporter to stand up and ask “what the fuck is wrong with you” should get a lifetime Pulitzer.
imagine that any Democrat said they didn’t feel sorry for a cancer-stricken Republican. it would be the immediate end to their political career — but for Donny, it’s just another Friday. not a single mention in The New York Times. ditto the Washington Post.
hey, Jake Tapper, any interest in writing a book on the hideous pile of dung currently befouling the White House?
awesome job, Jake.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
Friday Madness
the news is moving at warp speed these days, because of fucking course it is. we live in the shittiest possible timeline, so why should any of us get to catch our breaths for five minutes?
two quick things happened yesterday, after the US Court of International Trade ruled that Donny Convict’s incoherent tariffs were unconstitutional as fuck and blocked them.
first, a second court blocked Donny’s tariffs.
A second federal court blocked the bulk of President Trump’s tariffs on Thursday, ruling he cannot claim unilateral authority to impose them by declaring emergencies over trade deficits and fentanyl.
and then, before any of us had a chance to cheer that win, a federal appeals court temporarily reinstated the tariffs.
A federal appeals court on Thursday temporarily delayed Wednesday’s court order blocking President Donald Trump’s tariffs, reinstating them at least for the time being.
The United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit issued an administrative stay of the decision while it considers Trump’s appeal.
welcome to life in the shittiest possible timeline. this is why we can’t have nice things.
nonetheless, Republicans spent the day power-loading an endless series of diapers while blubbering about how it wasn’t fair of lunatic Marxist judges to block Dear Leader’s agenda.
look at Jailbird Pete Navarro. he’s so mad, he’s about to punch his head through a wall.
Navarro: “and with respect to the legal arguments themselves, these are rogue judges that are basically operatin—”
Fox: “one was appointed by Donald Trump. that’s a rogue judge?”
Navarro: “there was one appointed by Donal—”
Fox: “and one by Reagan.”
Navarro: “more importantly—”
Republicans want you to believe that Donny’s unconstitutional barrage of executive orders are being blocked by some evil fucktangle of commie rat-bastard Democratic judges. um, no. Democracy Docket crunched the numbers and found almost as many Republican-appointed judges are smacking down Donny as Democratic ones.
The Trump administration has lost a shocking 96% of rulings in federal district courts so far this month, according to a recent analysis by Adam Bonica, a professor of political science at Stanford.
Bonica’s data indicates that judges across the ideological spectrum are ruling against Trump at similar rates. He’s lost in 72% of rulings issued by Republican-appointed judges and 80% of rulings by Democratic-appointed judges.
first of all, wow. 96% of all rulings in May went against Donny. but look at that stunning second set of numbers: 72% of Republican judges who were tasked with dealing with Donny’s dumbfuckery ruled overwhelmingly that he’s not the messiah. he’s a very naughty boy.
look, I have three words for all these hypocritical Republican diaper-loaders whining about activist judges: Matthew Fucking Kacsmaryk.
Judge Kacsmaryk is a district judge in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Texas. he was appointed by Donny in 2017, he’s as MAGA as they come — and he’s the go-to guy whenever Republicans decide that some Democratic policy needs to go fuckity-bye.
wingnuts looking for a predetermined outcome will file suits in Matthew Kacsmaryk’s jurisdiction, because he’s a right-wing Federalist Society shitiologue who is always happy to ignore facts or precedent or law, and rule whichever way they tell him to.
Kacsmaryk is not a judge. he’s not weighing facts and making judgements. Kacsmaryk is a foregone conclusionist. he already knows in advance how he’s going to rule.
so all these Republicans whining about activist Democrat judges can to go fuck off all the way to Fuckoffistan — and then they get there, they can just keep fucking off until they get to Mars. say hello to the Space Nazi for us.
with the lower courts kicking the crap out of Mad King Donny’s agenda, does the White House press corps smell blood in the water? it looks like they’re actually starting to rouse from their slumbers do their jobs. Fox News lapdog Peter Doocy actually commits a journalism and asks Karoline Lie-vitt a perfectly reasonable question: why doesn’t Donny simply work within that system that’s already stacked in his favor?
“so the courts are basically telling you guys they think the White House’s policy, the president’s policies, are in some way against the law. why can’t President Trump ask the Republicans that control the House and the Republicans that control the Senate just to make a new law?”
Karoline completely whiffs her response.
“well, these laws have already been granted to the president by the Constitution.”
bzzt! wrong answer.
no, laws have not already been granted Dear Leader by the Constitution. that’s the whole reason that he’s lost 96% of his court battles.
cut the bullshit, Karoline. the real reason Donny doesn’t work with Congress to pass laws is because that would require Donny to do actual presidenting — and Donny doesn’t want to do any of that shit. it’s too hard. he’s not going to pick up a phone, or waddle down to Congress and meet with GOP leadership to haggle out a strategy. are you fucking crazy? come on, that’s time he could be spending watching himself on TV, or cheating at golf.
Donny just wants to preen for the cameras, and play-act the role of a king.
he would much rather spend half an hour chicken-scratching his psychotic signature on whatever executive orders Stephen Miller has drafted for him, another half-hour mouth-farting inanities at the press, and then go back to fucking off for the rest of the day.
doing actual work? oh please, that shit’s for losers.
speaking of Donny, check out his latest batshit Truth Social post, which has to be seen to be believed.
oh dear. Mad King Donny has fucking lost it. this might be the craziest thing he’s ever posted.
Donny is hella mad at the judges who ruled against him — and look who he blames for all his troubles: Leonard Fucking Leo.
“I was new to Washington, and it was suggested that I use The Federalist Society as a recommending source on Judges. I did so, openly and freely, but then realized that they were under the thumb of a real ‘sleazebag’ named Leonard Leo, a bad person who, in his own way, probably hates America, and obviously has his own separate ambitions. He openly brags how he controls Judges, and even Justices of the United States Supreme Court — I hope that is not so, and don’t believe it is! In any event, Leo left The Federalist Society to do his own “thing.””
this is all the proof you need that nobody is safe from the wrath of Mad King Donny. he’ll turn on literally anybody. Donny should be kissing the feet of Leonard Leo. no one has done more to make sure Donny eternally escapes consequences. Leonard Leo is the prime reason there were five corrupt bought-and-paid-for Federalist Society justices on the Supreme Court all too happy to rule that Donny is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Do All The Crimes He Wants.
that’s Leonard Leo’s doing. he spent years working to make sure that America’s entire judiciary leans hard to the right — but because one particular ruling went the wrong way, Leonard Leo is now an unperson.
off with his head!
hey, don’t you just love the way Donny ends his posts now?
“Thank you for your attention to this matter!”
who is Donny talking to? God? Zippy the Pinhead?
it’s hard to believe we were ever this happy, but it was one year ago today that a jury found Donny Convict guilty as fuck.
as I wrote at the time,
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
seriously, fuck that guy.
here’s your hero of the day: graphic designer Tom Adelsbach, who created this masterpiece. enjoy.
Vomiting It All Up
Just When You Think It Can’t Get Any Worse
From Jeff Tiedrich:
he’s such a fucking embarrassment
Mad King Donny ambushes South Africa’s President Ramaphosa
at this point, you have to wonder why any world leader would agree to an Oval Office meeting with Little Donny Fuckface. there’s just no way of knowing what you’re in for.
at best, you’ll merely sit there — like Macron — with a fake smile plastered on your face as the Boy King of America plays his impotent little dominance games. you then get to go home without having created an international incident.
at worst, you’ll walk straight into an ambush, as happened to Zelenskyy.
yesterday, Cyril Ramaphosa, the president of South Africa, had a sit-down with Donny — and Donny zelenskied the shit out of him.
“what would happen if you put the black president of South Africa in a room with a demented white supremacist” is a question no one asked — but yesterday we got the answer: it was a distressing-to-watch five-alarm shit-show.
just look at what a ginormous asshole Donny is. he can’t even introduce Ramaphosa without gratuitously insulting him.
“it’s a great honor to be with the president of South Africa, President Ramaphosa, and he is a man who is certainly in some circles really respected, in other circles a little bit less respected.”
gee, thanks for that, shithead.
things took an immediate turn for the worse. Donny had a huge TV rolled in, started yammering about the completely imaginary issue of “white genocide” in South Africa — and then the situation went from bad to fucking surreal.
That was followed by what Trump claimed was video showing over a thousand “burial sites” in South Africa, with aerial footage of a long procession of vehicles moving in one lane of traffic between rows of white crosses. Trump lied that each cross marked the grave of a white farmer or murdered family member.
a mystified President Ramaphosa had no clue what he was looking at
Ramaphosa: “I’d like to know where that is, because this, I’ve never seen it.”
Donny: “it’s in South Africa.”
oh, well that narrows it down. thanks for clarifying that, dumb-ass.
here’s what Ramaphosa was looking at. it wasn’t a graveyard. it wasn’t a “thousand burial sites,” as Donny claimed — and it had nothing to do with “white genocide.” it was one protest of the non-race-related murder of two farmers, who were killed during a botched robbery.
It was a protest in response to the murder of a farm couple, Glen and Vida Rafferty, who were killed during a botched robbery of their farm in 2020. Nothing I can find suggests that they were targeted for being white; the robbers broke into their home to get at the safe, couldn’t open it, and waited for them to return home. After ambushing and shooting them, the murderers stole their car and some home items. Horrible, but not anything at all close to what Trump said about the video.
Donny then pulled out visual aids. he held up photos that he claimed were of murdered white South African farmers. spoiler alert: they weren’t.
“Look, here’s burial sites all over the place,” said Trump. “These are all white farmers that are being buried.”
But the image is a screen grab from a February YouTube video of Red Cross workers responding after women were raped and burned alive during a mass jailbreak in the Congolese city of Goma, according to its caption.
for fuck’s sake, the incident Donny is claiming proves “white genocide” didn’t even happen in South Africa. but I guess if you’re a racist, all African countries are interchangeable.
so, where did this misleading material originate? from the darkest fever swamps of the internet, where conspiracies run wild, that’s where. someone downloaded this vile shit, printed it out, and handed it off to Donny — who gobbled it right down because it confirms his ‘white people are the real victims’ worldview. and we know who that someone is, because Donny comes right out and name-checks him.
“Elon is from South Africa. I don’t want to get Elon involved. that’s all I have to do — get him in another thing. this is what Elon wanted.”
Donny gives away the whole game: this is what Elon wanted. the Space Nazi is a busy guy, so he’s outsourcing his racism to Donny, who’s more than happy to take it and run with it.
it’s so fucking embarrassing. in my lifetime, we’ve gone from Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy — who famously read seven entire newspapers every single day — to Donny, a low-wattage illiterate who gets his information from drug-addled conspiracy cranks.
bear in mind, all of this is happening on live TV, in front of a room full of reporters. Donny is hectoring the leader of a country that’s supposed to be our ally, and demanding he account for a bunch of made-up racist shit.
what the fuck has happened to America?
thank God there was at least one sane voice in the room. here’s South African billionaire Johann Peter Rupert to correct Donny, and explain that South Africa has a crime problem, not a race war problem.
“we have too many deaths, but it’s across the board. it’s not only white farmers. it’s across the board.”
of course, no Oval Office Shitacular would be complete without the ritual dressing-down of a reporter.
NBC’s Peter Alexander had the temerity to ask Dear Leader about that vulgar flying bordello — which Qatar had delivered to the US that very day — and Donny was all dude, I’m trying to do a racism here, why the fuck are you bringing up my blatant corruption?
“what are you talking about? you know, what are you talking about? you know, you oughta get out of here. what does this have to do with the Qatar jet? they’re giving the United States Air Force a jet, OK? and it’s a great thing. we’re talking about a lot of other things. just NBC trying to get off the subject of what you just saw. you know, you’re a terrible reporter. number one, you don’t have what it takes to be a reporter. You’re not smart enough. but for you to go into a subject about a jet that was given to the United States Air Force, which is a very nice thing.they also gave $5.1 trillion investment in addition to the jet.”
wait, wait — let’s pause the Boy King’s infantile tantrum for a second just to note that no, he fucking didn’t get five trillion from anyone — or six trillion, or nine trillion, or any of the ever-changing numbers Donny’s been mouth-farting all this week. it’s a big ball of never happened.
ok, back to Crazy Donny’s meltdown.
“You oughta go back to your studio at NBC, because Brian Roberts and the people that run that place, they oughta be investigated. They are so terrible, the way you run that network. And you’re a disgrace. No more questions from you!”
the Mad King is so upset that no one will let him enjoy his golden jet that even when he turns back to Ramaphosa, he won’t stop whining about it.
“we need an Air Force One, it’s being built. two of them being built. and Boeing’s a little bit late, unfortunately. so why did they give us a plane, to the United States Air Force? that’s what that idiot talks about after viewing a thing where thousands of people are dead.”
an exasperated Ramaphosa finally has had enough, and says —
“I am sorry I don’t have a plane to give you.”
and Donny, of course, is too dimwitted and self-absorbed to realize he’s being mocked.
“I wish you did. I’d take it. if your country offered the US Air Force a plane, I would take it.”
it’s just so fucking embarrassing.
world leaders, stay out of the Oval Office. no good can come of it.
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
