Retail Therapy

We all grieve in our own ways. I'm obviously spending money to try and fill the Sammy-sized hole left in my heart. I won't have that luxury in a month, but I have it now, and I'm not going to apologize to anyone for it.

The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I flashed on how—since we'd gotten a higher bed frame and mattress a few years ago—I recently starting having to lift him up onto the bed for the night. He could almost always get down on his own (although he wasn't one to refuse help in that area either), but for the last couple years he just didn't have the strength to jump up any more. I flashed on him there standing on his hind legs, front paws outstretched, leaning against the side of the mattress waiting for me to help him up and I just broke down and lost it…

At least I recognize and acknowledge what I'm doing.

Forever Will You Grieve The Credit Roll. Forever.

I think I will forever find myself carefully moving my feet under my desk, or under the dining room table so as not to kick him because that's where he'd always be when I was in either of those locations. 😭

I was going to post a "2024 in Pictures," but as I was looking over photos from the past year, Sammy was in so many of them, I kept tearing up and just couldn't

R.I.P.

Sammy
May 5, 2009 – December 14, 2024

Sammy entered our life on May 3rd, 2014 via The Dumb Friends League in Denver. He wasn't our first choice; the staff warned that the doggo who brought us into the shelter was a handful and required 24/7 supervision. After hearing the details Ben and I agreed that we couldn't provide the level of care the boy needed and asked who else they had available. They suggested Sammy, and brought him in.


It was love at first sight, and Sammy came home with us that afternoon.

We don't know his history with any degree of certainty before he became a member of our family, but I do seem to remember being told that he was voluntarily surrendered by an older gentleman who couldn't keep up with or care for him. He was a little skittish at first—not really sure of what was going on—but he soon warmed to us and became integral to our lives.

While he loved us both, over the years I very much became his human, and later in life he was always by my side (or at least at my feet) whenever he could be. Sometimes I swore he was trying trip me so I'd fall and end end up being home with him all the time.

But these past few weeks have been difficult. He developed a horrible honking  cough last month that became chronic. While there was no direct x-ray confirmation, based on his symptoms the vet strongly suspected a collapsing trachea (a pretty common malady for small breeds) and coupled with his age and the fact that no evidence of anything else was ever spotted it was the diagnosis we ran with. While the collapsing trachea could not be cured, we nevertheless tried various ways to lessen the symptoms; the only thing finally bringing some brief relief was a combination of Trazadone, Gabapentin, and Hydrocodone. The coughing was generally controlled on this regimen, but he still had breakout periods (usually happening at 2-3 am) that were horrific. The downside of this drug cocktail was that for a pup who was so full or energy and vigor up until this time, he was either sleeping all the time or so out of it when he was awake that his quality of life was non-existent—and that was no way to live. As much as we were reluctant to let him go, after one final trip to the vet last week, Ben and I talked it over and decided it was time to let him cross The Rainbow Bridge.

To that end, we contacted Angel Veterinary, who came to the house today, and while I was holding him, lovingly helped him on his journey. Ben and I are both devastated, but we know he'll come back to us in a new body when he's good and ready—and if he misses us half as much as we're missing him now, that won't be long.

Godspeed, Sammy.