Category: It's NOT Funny Because It's True

( Not that there's anything wrong with sweatpants. ? )

It's my own damn fault.

…when you fuck everything up, go down the hall to see Mark. He actually understands this stuff."

Reviews of a Visit to a Small Planet

Sol 3

"An unremarkable pre-FTL scarcity world in the Orion Sector. The dominant species, which calls itself Homo sapiens (a word meaning "wise" in one of its largely defunct regional languages*) has triggered a major extinction event, and the visitor (and many of their own species) may not be able to eat without access to some form of exchange. Those interested in pre-industrial ecosystems will be disappointed or deeply shocked. This is a great place to see poverty in its natural setting, but prepare to be disturbed.

Despite repeated warnings from their own scientists (many doing impressive work despite primitive technology) several delusional belief systems (see >religion< and in particular the subheading >economics<) prevent the urgent action required to prevent imminent ecosystem collapse and their own possible extinction. This species is unlikely to leave its own stellar system, and this might be your last chance to encounter them.

Travel Advisory: The scarcity economy is having its usual effects on war, and the visitor is advised to be cautious. In many areas energy, food, even water are rationed for those low on the scarcity pyramid.

*A prima facie example of just how narcissistic and delusional most of this species is."

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"Planet broke after the introduction of industrialized society. Manufacturer didn't respond to repeated attempts at communication. Parts for repair unavailable at this time. Adaptor for connecting to other planets is not compatible with this planet. The majority of the inhabitants do not look like the pictures on the box. Produces a distinctly unpleasant odor in the early hours of Saturday mornings. Appears to have a broken thermostat. Contains more Kardashian than advertised. Is afflicted with excessive tides.

Would not buy again."

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"Make: Universal Industries. Model: Earth Mk I
Registration: P (4.5 billion BC). Mileage: 2.62 x 10¹⁸ miles (approx.)
Colour: Kingfisher Blue. No. Owners: 2
Description: Great little runner, fair economy, decent amount of storage, partial service history.
Bodywork needs some minor attention. Can run a bit hot at times—air filter may need changing. Small leak in sun roof—nothing major. Does eat some oil."

Source

Sad, but unfortunately all-too-true.

That is all.