Category: Jeff Tiedrich’s Wit

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: you’ve got to hand it to her — or maybe not

let’s watch as five-time international lap-hockey champion Handy Oakley takes a simple request to define a common word and gives it a vigorous beetlejuicing.

Piers Morgan: “what is inflation?”

Lauren Boebert: “well, inflation is— when, uh, when the, the price of things, um, is, is over, um, is, is, is too expensive because of, of, um, the, uh federal government, uh, really squandering the tax dollars. so you have the green new scam, uh hundreds of billions of dollars spent there, um to provide [makes air quotes] affordable energy, uh, and it was not affordable, it was never free, it was never—”

Morgan: “okay, yeah—”

Boebert: “that money was taken from the American people—”

Morgan: “yeah, okay, I don’t think—”

Boebert: “and forced into the system.”

Morgan: “hang on, hang on—”

what the fuck did we just listen to? even Piers Morgan is dumbfounded by the sheer incoherence of it all. folks, excuse me a moment as my brain tries to process Handy’s shit-salad of word-adjacent gibberish.

yeah, no. I tried and failed — because holy shit, she’s a fucking moron. as a lawmaker, she’s in way over her head, and her flat-lining shitwittery affects us all. Handy Oakley really needs to stick to what she’s good at.

but you know what? fuck it, let’s go all-in and pass the popcorn — because that exchange between Piers and Handy was actually pretty entertaining. I’d watch the shit out of a show that was just Handy’s cerebral cortex leaking out of her ears as she struggles to explain everyday words. admit it, so would you.

tuesday: all hat, no brain

I have a question: if our Big Boy Preznit ‘completely obliterated’ Iran’s nuclear capabilities when he dropped a shitload of bombs last year, then why all the drumbeating for dropping more bombs on Iran right now?

(yes, I know Donny’s bombs didn’t obliterate shit, but that’s the fairy tale Dear Leader fed to us last June, and it’s the lie that every Republican now has to defend.)

oh look, CNN’s Kaitlan Collins has the very same question I do — but look who she tries to get an answer from: Markwayne Mullin, the dumbfuckiest dumbfuck who ever dumbfucked his way through the Senate.

Kaitlan Collins: “if we obliterated Iran’s nuclear program last summer, then why are you worried about it right now?”

Markywane Mullin: “because they’re rebuilding it, and you can see they’re rebuilding it.”

Collins: “but it was obliterated?”

Mullin: “that doesn’t mean you can’t rebuild. I mean, people have car accidents and obliterate their bones in their legs, and yet they can still put you know, they can still put metal back in them and, and and walk again.”

oh fuck, it’s happening again —

oh dear lord. um, could we get Handy Oakley in here to explain what ‘obliterated’ means?

free clue: if you obliterate your leg, that literally means it’s gone forever. your nickname is now Stumpy.

where in the hallowed name of Head Trauma Jesus do you even start with this nonsense? is Marky Many-Names tying to win the Nobel Tortured Metaphor Prize? because I’m sure that’s exactly what Iran did — they just shoved some metal in their nuclear program, put a cast on it and told it to get some bed rest. and seven months later — hey nonny, it’s as good as new. yeah, what a perfectly sensible explanation. I’m sold.

isn’t it maddening when morons lie us into an unnecessary war? the thing about stupid is that it just doesn’t burn — sometimes it gets people killed.

wednesday: who among us, indeed

this week we learned that the fucknugget who created that heartwarming video depicting Barack and Michelle Obama as apes is a White House staffer named Garrett Wade.

isn’t that lovely? there’s actually some bro inside the White House whose job is to crank out racist videos. what a great use of taxpayer dollars, am I right?

wait, it gets better: Wade is also the fucknugget behind the ‘johnny maga’ not-twitter account. now, Garrett seems like a real charmer, so let’s just celebrate that time he forgot to switch to his burner account and posted the following beaut to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.

because who among is isn’t a gay black guy who felt so betrayed by Barack HUSSEIN Obama that we went all-in for Donny?

it’s all so relatable.

thursday: most fucked-up family tree, ever.

remember Ann Coulter? for a while there, back in the pre-MAGA days, she was a Big Fucking Deal. every now and then, Ann tries to regain some of that relevance, so let’s all watch as she tries and fails to do a proper racism.

“That beautiful ending to Trump’s SOTU address reminds me why we can’t have a second-, third-, or fourth- generation immigrant as president. Love for our country has to be in your genes.”

seriously, Ann? nobody gets to be president unless their family has been in the good ol’ US of A for five generations? well, that would certainly mean that Preznit Fuckwit is ineligible to serve. am I right, Community Notes?

Donny’s grandfather was the draft-dodging Bavarian immigrant Friedrich Drumpf.

so now we know who Donny inherited his bone spurs from.

and his mother was the Scottish-born Mary Trump.

and now we know where Donny got his fucked-up hair. yeesh.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

some fucking idiot started his Friday by waxing rhapsodic about the construction of his gaudy Epstein Dance Hall.

according to the fucking idiot, the Epstein Dance Hall is going to be ‘the Greatest of its kind ever built!’ it’s going to be a big, strong, building, with tears in its eyes as it says ‘sir! sir! no one has ever built an Epstein Dance Hall is gaudy as I am. how do you do it? sir!’

the fucking idiot also displayed once again that he has no idea what ‘exonerated’ means.

yeah, no. remember, the fucking idiot’s name appears in the Dead Pedo Bestie Files more times than Jesus’s name appears in the Bible.

the fucking idiot then denied that he was going to try to steal the midterm elections.

why don’t I believe him?

oh, and the fucking idiot gave a special shout-out to Rep Tony Gonzales.

Tony Gonzales, it must be noted, is currently being pressure to resign from Congress over allegations that he coerced a sexual relationship with a staff member who later killed herself. so what the fuck is the fucking idiot congratulating him for?

oh dear sweet lord, it’s happening again.

the fucking idiot then told a ‘sir’ story about a big, strong teary-eyed New York City cop whose sex life was made better by the fucking idiot’s economic policies.

and then, in the middle of the night, we all found out that — holy fucking shit — the fucking idiot has now taken us to an unprovoked and illegal war with Iran, because obliterated.

because if you can totally obliterate something once, you can ‘totally again obliterate’ it all over. it makes perfect sense to me!

let me just put this here, for no particular reason at all.

oh, and this, too.

and despite all that dumbfuckery going on right in front of their noses, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

are you sitting down right now? I sure hope so, because here’s some shocking news: it turns out that the guy who lied to us about bone spurs, and lied to us about hush money, and lied to us about his Ukraine phone call — and about a hurricane and covid and the election and his height and his weight and his golf scores and how tariffs work, and about thirty thousand other things — has been lying about his health.

I know, right?

apparently, Donny got wind of the fact that the Wall Street Journal was going to commit a wall-street-journalism by documenting all the ways in which Dear Leader is falling apart physically — and he reacted in the most Donny way possible: he phoned the Journal and started whining about how unfair they’re being to him.

In an impromptu phone interview that came after the Journal shared details about its reporting with the White House, the president expressed irritation about the public debate over his health. He has grown upset with his own White House staff for not promoting him as more vigorous.

spoiler alert: this whole ‘interview’ is just Donny lying his big dumb pumpkin face off, spewing the usual fever-swamp hallucinations about how he’s super fucking healthy — healthy like no one thought possible, maybe the healthiest person ever.

“My health is perfect,” he added.

whatever you say, President Rottinghand.

speaking of which, we’ve got it all wrong about Donny’s rotting hand. those bruises, apparently, happen because Donny’s been gobbling aspirin for decades.

The large dose of aspirin he chooses to take daily has caused him to bruise easily, he said, and he has been encouraged by his doctors to take a lower dose. But Trump has declined to switch because he has been taking it for 25 years. “I’m a little superstitious,” he said in the interview.

oh please, the only thing of Donny’s that ‘bruises easily’ is his paper-thin ego. but do tell us more about your crackpot theories of medicine, Mister Windmills Give You Brain Cancer — we can’t get enough of that shit.

“They say aspirin is good for thinning out the blood, and I don’t want thick blood pouring through my heart,” Trump said. “I want nice, thin blood pouring through my heart. Does that make sense?”

Donny wants nice, thin blood like no one thought possible — and he asks us if that ‘makes sense,’ not wanting thick blood gumming up the works.

of fucking course it doesn’t make any sense. don’t take my word for it. let’s listen to an expert. Dr. Jonathan Reiner was Dick Cheney’s cardiologist for thirty years, so I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s talking about.

“when we use any anti-coagulant, medications to prevent clotting, those don’t thin the blood. it’s not like changing something from gumbo to chicken soup. it doesn’t make it thinner, it makes you less likely to clot. it used to be that we would treat a lot of people with aspirin therapy to prevent heart attacks — but we’ve learned in recent years that particularly people over the age of 70, not only is there no benefit in terms of just primary prevention, trying to prevent a cardiac event by giving them aspirin, that there can be hazard.and the hazard can be bleeding. significant bleeding. so here’s the interesting thing about this. the president is apparently is taking 325 milligrams of aspirin per day, which is essentially one adult size aspirin tablet. but the dosage that we use for patients, even with documented chronic artery disease, is a quarter that. 81 milligrams per day. so why is the president taking an unorthodox dose of aspirin? the media has published many photos of his right hand, and now maybe his left hand, with his chronic bruise, and the White House has said that this is related to chronic aspirin therapy. so if you’re bruising a lot, and your doctor says you’re on too much aspirin, why wouldn’t you go down to a lower dose?”

ooh ooh! I know the answer to the doctor’s question: it’s because Donny’s a fucking imbecile who is serenely convinced of his own imaginary genius. he know more about doctoring than all the doctors.

of course Donny isn’t going to take the recommended dosage (which isn’t even recommended any more). small pills are for losers. real men chow down on the big-ass kind. so naturally Donny’s going to take the aspirin that goes up to eleven.

meanwhile, the White House is sticking to its ‘Donny’s fist is mangled because he shakes a lot of hands’ fairy tale — but even Donny’s own toadies know that’s a load of shit.

His physical signs of aging are becoming more evident to some of his closest advisers. His skin is so delicate that Pam Bondi, now his attorney general, caused his hand to bleed when she nicked him with her ring while giving him a high-five at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee.

in fact, Donny’s left hand recently appeared to have a hole in it.

so, who is Donny shaking hands with that he’s ended up with punctures on the back of his hand? Wolverine?

Trump said he applies makeup to his hands after he gets “whacked again by someone.” He added: “I have makeup that’s, you know, easy to put on, takes about 10 seconds.”

if it takes Donny ‘ten seconds’ to cover his hand, I wonder how many seconds it takes him to spackle his face.

I’m guessing five.

obviously, we’re being lied to. no one is shaking Donny’s hand to the point where the fucking thing looks like someone slammed it in a car door. Donny has clearly been repeatedly receiving intravenous fluids for kind of ailment that they’re hiding from the public. it’s an insult to our intelligence for the White House to insist otherwise.

hey, here’s something else we’ve been getting wrong about Donny. he’s not a narcoleptic fart factory who chronically saws logs in public. he’s just relaxing his eyes.

“I’ll just close. It’s very relaxing to me,” he said in describing shutting his eyes. “Sometimes they’ll take a picture of me blinking, blinking, and they’ll catch me with the blink.”

you know, like he relaxed his eyes at the Pope’s funeral.

who among us hasn’t momentarily relaxed their eyes to the point where their mouth falls open and their entire body goes slack?

oh look, Donny and the White House are once again lying to us about every fucking thing.

when is an MRI not and MRI? apparently when it’s a CT scan, that’s when.

He has for weeks said that he underwent an MRI at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in October. When asked about the procedure by the Journal, Trump and his doctor said he got a different form of imaging: a CT scan. “It wasn’t an MRI,” Trump told the Journal. “It was less than that. It was a scan.”

Navy Capt. Sean Barbabella, Trump’s doctor, confirmed in a statement to the Journal that Trump had received a CT scan.

what in the actual fuck? after weeks of Donny and his flunkies telling us that he got an MRI, now it’s a CT scan? and even the doctor who released that farcical ‘summary’ about Donny’s MRI is now on board that it was a CT scan?

do you think maybe Dr. Barbabella could go on record and explain to us why, if we were all mistaken about which procedure Donny underwent, he didn’t correct us, y’know, two fucking months ago?

The White House declined to make Barbabella available for an interview.

oh. huh.

we’re either being lied to now, or were lied to then. I’m not sure which is the better scenario.

for the umpteenth time, Donny’s handlers are feeding us some some fairy-tale shit-sandwich about Dear Leader’s health — and we’re expected to shut the fuck up and swallow it wholesale.

I’m sorry, but this guy is not well.

look, Donny is suffering from a lot of shit. he is clearly not up to the rigors of presidenting. he disappears from public for days at a time, without explanation. he’s tired. he’s confused. his memory is shot. he can’t tell fact from fiction. he’s hard of hearing. his hands are rotting and his cankles look like they’re about to explode.

that’s a whole lot of pathologies. let’s put them all together and call it fuckbrainscabosis.

We the People have a right to know what’s going on. Dear Leader’s handlers need to stop jerking us around, and release Donny’s complete medical records. tell us why he got an MRI, or CT scan, or whatever the fuck we’re calling it today. and how about explaining to us once and for all how his shot-to-pieces ear magically regenerated itself.

and — as long as we’re calling for releasing stuff — let’s go. Dead Pedo Bestie Files. snap it up already.

Zohran Mamdani was sworn into office yesterday as Mayor of New York — and here’s one of the very first things he did: he issued an executive order shitcanning a metric fuckload of previous mayor Eric Adams’ executive orders.

“He has wiped off the books EVERY Eric Adams executive order issued on or after September 26, 2024, the day Adams was indicted on federal bribery charges.”

this is how it’s done — and I certainly hope that the next Democratic president is paying close attention.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

the legal career of ace parking garage lawyer Alina Habba has been one fucktacular disaster after another.

she’s been lectured, berated and reprimanded by judges for being unaware of basic courtroom procedures. she did such a terrible job of defending Donny in court that he was found liable for rape, and fined 83.3 million dollars. and a lawsuit she filed on Donny’s behalf against Hillary Clinton was so patently frivolous that Alina wound up being sanctioned for a million dollars.

but it was on January 4, 2024, that Alina secured her spot in the Dumbfuck Hall of Fame. that was the day she appeared on the PBD podcast and shat out these legendary words:

“somebody said to me ‘Alina, would you rather be smart or pretty?’ and I said ‘oh easy, pretty. I can fake being smart’.”

fact check: oh please, fuck straight off. every day of her life, Alina proves she can’t fake being smart. nor can she fake humility, or competence. she can’t even fake being a lawyer.

now we’re learning that she can’t fake basic professionalism.

yesterday, Alina Habba resigned as Acting US Attorney for New Jersey — and she did it in the most MAGA way possible: by going onto Elon’s Nazi Bar and tweeting a pissy statement in which she rehashed every grudge and grievance.

have you noticed that everyone in Donny’s orbit is as petty and childish as he is? this is the lesson they all learn by watching Dear Leader, as he pisses and moans his way through life: that it’s perfectly okay to be a malignant diaper-baby who never stops whining about every fucking thing.

Alina is sooooo aggrieved. doesn’t the Third Circuit understand that Alina’s been fighting the good fight against lawfare for literal years and years? why is everyone being so mean to her? it’s so unfair!

none of this unprofessional twaddle belongs in a resignation letter. this is the kind of letter you write when you’ve been kicked off the high school cheerleading squad.

and this, by the way, is the face Alina makes when she demands to speak with the Third Circuit Court’s manager.

now, here’s the beauty part: the Acting US Attorney job that Habba ‘resigned’ is one she’d already been removed from months ago. that ruling was upheld last week by the Third Circuit.

so basically, since last August, the parking garage lawyer has been pretending to be an Acting US Attorney.

‘pretending to be acting’ — I can’t even believe I just typed that surreal string of words. welcome to life in the shittiest timeline ever.

now Alina has to go out and get a real job, for once. maybe she can learn to play the tiny violin.

here are two more homeys who can’t fake smart — Sean Duffy, the Secretary for Hoping Planes Don’t Fall Out Of The Sky, and Bobby Brainworms, the head of the Department Of Dying From A Preventable Disease.

these two ass-clowns have been putting their heads together, and they’ve come up with some awesome ideas for improving your airport experience.

“maybe I want a workout area where people might get some blood flowing doing some pull-ups or step-ups in the airport.”

oh yeah, I’m loving this idea. this is exactly what we need: a way for dumbfucks to get overheated and sweaty before they sit next to you on a crowded plane.

oh look, they brought an actual pull-up bar with them for the dog-and-pony show. let’s watch Bobby make a complete ass of himself.

what kind of weak-ass nonsense was that? oh come on, Bobby! those aren’t even real pull-ups. where is the effort? put some fucking muscle into it, dude.

we definitely have to gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

Brainworms and Duffy are overgrown and emotionally-stunted children.

it’s as if you took two eight-year-old boys, pumped them full of sugar, and set them loose making national policy.

‘you know what airports need? whale heads! when I grow up, I’m going to have a chainsaw! won’t that be awesome?’

now let’s watch Little Donny Fuckface finally win the Nobel Complete Piece of Shit Prize, as he once again insults and berates a reporter who is a woman of color.

a little background first. last week, reporter Selena Wang asked Donny if he would consider releasing the video that shows those two shipwrecked Venezuelans clinging to the wreckage of their boat, and getting murdered to death by the US military.

here was Donny’s exact answer: ‘I don’t know what they have, but whatever they have, we’d certainly release. No problem.’

got that? now here’s Donny being a complete fuckwad yesterday.

ABC reporter Rachel Scott: “Mr. President, you said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd off the coast of Venezuela. Secretary Hegseth now says—”

Donny: “I didn’t say that. that’s— you said that, I didn’t say that. this is ABC fake news.”

fact check: yes, you did say that. here’s the link again, you doddering old shit-for-brains.

later on in the clip, Rachel Scott asks once again if Donny will release the full video. here’s the Mad King’s charming response.

“didn’t I just tell you that? you are the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. let me just tell you— you are an obnoxious— a terrible, actually a terrible reporter. and it’s always the same thing with you. I told you.”

you’ll be shocked to learn that Rachel Scott is a woman of color.

and you’ll be shocked to learn that not one of Rachel’s colleagues spoke up in her defense. they all just stood there like the useless lumps they are.

in the last month alone, Donny has insulted seven reporters — all of them women.

why is it always the women who have the courage to ask Donny the uncomfortable questions? what the fuck is wrong with you men? stand up for your profession. stand up for your colleagues.

this is probably a good place to note that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 2,079th day.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

‘congratulations, world.’

that’s an actual quote from some White House chucklefuck — and she wasn’t being sarcastic. oh no, not at all. we’re apparently all supposed to genuflect in gratitude over Dear Leader’s latest exercise in fragile megalomania.

on Wednesday, out of the clear blue, workers showed up at the US Institute of Peace building in Washington DC, and slapped Donny Convict’s name on it.

how awesome. Preznit Fuckwit has defiled yet another of our public institutions. try not to projectile vomit as you look on in horror.

congratulations, us. we’re so fucking lucky.

of course, Donny inflicting his accursed name onto everything and glomming credit for shit he didn’t do is pretty much his entire business model — but this instance of it is so fucking galling on about eighteen thousand different levels.

first of all, this ghoulish hyena’s name would be more appropriate on a building that houses the US Institute For Bombing The Shit Out Of Shipwrecked Survivors Who Are Trying Not To Drown.

what kind of ‘war is peace’ bullshit is this?

wherever he is right now, George Orwell is ripping fistfuls of hair out of his head and screaming ‘god fucking dammit, 1984 was supposed to be a cautionary tale, not an instruction manual.’

secondly, what Donny just slapped his brand on is a pretty much empty building. the US Institute of Peace is barely even a thing right now, thanks to the Space Nazi. one fine day last March, his merry band of unfuckable DOGE incels showed up at the Peace Institute and announced, ‘congratulations, everyone — you’re all fired.’ next came the inevitable lawsuits over the firings.the whole thing is tied up in court right now, while the building is a ghost town.

can Donny even legally fart his name onto any public building he chooses? probably not, but stupid little issues of legality didn’t stop him from demolishing the East Wing. welcome to life in the shittiest timeline ever.

congratulations, us!

thirdly, this is what Donny is wasting his time on, as the prices of goods and services go up, and the cost of healthcare skyrockets. any caring leader might spend some time trying to fix any of that shit — but this asshole can’t be bothered to lift a finger.

so there goes Donny, traipsing through DC, pissing all over yet another public institution — and then telling us how lucky we are.

White House spokesperson Anna Kelly confirmed the move, calling it “beautifully and aptly named,” and saying it “will stand as a powerful reminder of what strong leadership can accomplish for global stability.”

“Congratulations, world!” she said.

our next president is going to be able to create an entire jobs program devoted to prying this fucker’s name off of everything. it can’t come fast enough.

but oh wait, it gets stupider.

FIFA — the sports org that oversees the World Cup — has invented a fake peace prize. and you’ll never guess who they’re awarding it to.

Not long after President Trump missed out on the Nobel Peace Prize that he openly campaigned for, his friend Gianni Infantino got to work.

Mr. Infantino, president of FIFA, soccer’s global governing body, who had publicly lobbied for Mr. Trump to receive the peace prize, simply had his organization establish its own. The announcement of the “FIFA Peace Prize — Football Unites the World” was so hastily arranged that it surprised several of the body’s most senior officials, including board members and vice presidents, according to four soccer executives briefed on the events.

oh my god, it’s just one embarrassing episode after another, isn’t it? healthy, well-balanced people don’t need to be mollified by having ersatz awards conferred on them by dipshits trying to curry favor. and Preznit Fuckwit is falling for it. he’s over the moon to be handed this sham honor.

A White House spokesman, Davis Ingle, said that Mr. Trump was “excited to attend” the draw.

what the fuck is next? the Big Mac Peace Prize? there’s probably no end to corporate institutions willing to play this game. can we get the Quaker Oats people come up with a prize? at least Quakers actually believe in peace — unlike some footballers we could name.

can you think of another country whose fragile Dear Leader needs constant affirmation that he’s a good boy. a very good boy. maybe the best boy ever? perhaps North Korea. oh great, we’re now on par with Kim Jong-un’s failed state.

congratulations, us.

there’s no word on what this award is going to look like, but I hope it’s a big gold-plated binky.

can you think of another country whose fragile Dear Leader needs constant affirmation that he’s a good boy. a very good boy. maybe the best boy ever? perhaps North Korea. oh great, we’re now on par with Kim Jong-un’s failed state.

congratulations, us.

there’s no word on what this award is going to look like, but I hope it’s a big gold-plated binky.

now get ready to win the Nobel I Just Threw Up In My Mouth A Little Award, because — congratulations, world! — this year’s White House Christmas card just dropped.

look, I warned you.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people? it’s a cult — one in which every single member has unresolved daddy issues.

but we need to fact-check Dear Leader’s suspiciously healthy hand in that graphic, because Donny’s real-life hand — in a photo taken yesterday — is telling a much uglier story.

yeesh. oh my god. look at that bloated, decaying thing, like the hand of a corpse that was just pulled out of a polluted lake. and now Donny’s wearing what looks like two band-aids. concealing what, pray tell?

what are they not telling us about Dear Leader’s health?

we definitely need a palate cleanser after that, so here’s your hero of the day, bicycling his way past what I believe is the Treasury Building in Washington, DC.

I have no idea who this dude is — the vid was posted to not-twitter by our friend Anarchy Princess — but I do like his style.

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

now there’s a positive affirmation we can all get behind.

congratulations, Donny.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

tell me, is it a bad thing when the leader of your party is a drooling halfwit serenely convinced of his own brilliance?

is it a bad thing when the leader of your party lives inside his own fact-free fantasy-bubble where everything is amazing, and ignores all evidence to the contrary?

and is it a bad thing when the leader of your party cannot be persuaded to give the tiniest of micro-fucks for the needs of your constituents?

pour one out for the Republican Party, folks, because they’re now finding out the hard way that the answer to all three questions is ‘oh fuck, it’s a catastrophe.’

CNN’s Harry Enten: “Republicans should be running for the hills this morning, because the blue wave is building. what are we talking about here? well, Matt Van Epps, the Republican candidate, he won it by 9 — but this is a district that Donald Trump won by 22 points. this is a 13-point gain for the Democrats in terms of the margins, and excuse time for Republicans is over. because I hear all about these special elections. ‘oh, the turnout’s so low, it’s not representative of what would happen in a midterm election.’ the turnout last night in Tennessee’s 7th district was equal to the turnout in the 2022 midterm election. so the blue wave seems to be building right out of the center of Tennessee.”

Tuesday’s special election in Tennessee was a five-alarm disaster for the GOP. oh, sure, their boy won — but it was a nail-biter, in a heavily-gerrymandered distract that should have been an electoral cakewalk. if Republicans can’t turn that shit around, pronto, they’re facing a wipe-out in next year’s midterms — and they fucking well know it.

with that in mind, they want Donny to stop farting around. put down the fabric samples for the gaudy dance hall, stop tarting up the Oval Bordello, stop making cow-eyes at the Nobel Peace Prize, and focus on what really matters to the American people.

it’s the economy, fuckwit.

Some of President Donald Trump’s closest allies in Congress are warning that the party needs to sharpen its affordability message to voters heading into the 2026 elections — or risk big losses that would shackle him for the rest of his second term.

good luck with that. if Republicans think they’re going to get Dear Leader to hone his ‘affordability message,’ I’m afraid I’ve got some rather bad news for them.

“the word ‘affordability’ is a Democrat scam.”

how’s that, GOP? it that ‘honed’ enough for you?

I hate to break it to Republicans, but the Mad King thinks he’s already fixed that shit. the delusional dumbfuck imagines that the economy is roaring along — and if you think otherwise, it’s because you’ve fallen for a ‘Democrat scam.’

the problem for Republicans is that Dear Leader can’t bullshit his way out of a bad economy. it’s easy to bamboozle MAGA into believing that he’s ended a skillionty wars. that shit’s abstract. it’s easy to post some blurry video of a boat on fire, and convince his dumbfuck worshipers that he’s winning some farcical war on ‘narcoterrorism.’ that’s happening thousands of miles away.

but the price of goods and services? that’s something even the hardest-core cultist can see with their own eyes.

as Abe Lincoln famously said, ‘you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool anyone who walks into a grocery store and actually sees what things cost into believing that prices are going down.’

and that is why Matt Van Epps came this close to getting his ass handed to him in Tennessee’s no-longer-solidly-red 7th District.

Republicans think they can solve this shit by getting Dear Leader back out on the campaign trail.

“I would love him to get back to driving around in the garbage truck, going to McDonald’s. Go to a supermarket, go to a farm. That’s when he’s at his best,” Rep. Jeff Van Drew told CNN, recalling a message he conveyed to the president in a lengthy phone call earlier this week. “Next year, we got to concentrate — the American people first.”

oh yeah, please get Preznit Fuckwit up on a garbage truck again.

I would pay good money to watch that.

remember what happened last time Donny tried to climb into a truck? he almost killed himself.

his rotting hand refused to function, and his gimpy leg almost collapsed — and that was over a year ago. Donny’s in much worse shape now. he’s lucky he can even get out of bed in the morning. it’s a miracle that the narcoleptic old fuck doesn’t go face down in his lunch on a daily basis.

sorry, Republicans, that ‘Donny’s a man of the people’ shit ain’t happening any more. Donny’s too old — and too deteriorated — to go out in public. he’s tired, and can no longer hack the grind.

he’d rather just hang out at his vermin-infested golf motel and hobnob with cronies.

It has been many months since Trump hosted a full-on campaign-style rally. He has opted instead to travel abroad, golf at his private clubs, and dine with wealthy friends, business leaders, and major donors…. And that lack of regular voter contact has contributed to a growing fear among Republicans and White House allies: that Trump is too isolated, and has become out of touch with what the public wants from its president.

and therein lies the crux. Donny’s out of touch with reality, and he’s surrounded himself with equally out-of-touch cronies who tell him that everything is amazing — and why not? for Donny and his cronies, everything is amazing. not one of these obscenely wealthy fuckfaces ever worries about the price of anything. they don’t have to.

look at Soybean Scott Bessent.

s this the face of a man who gives a shit if the price of a bottle of Lafitte Rothschild ’75 goes up by two hundred dollars? trust me, he doesn’t even notice.

these are the people who are slapping Donny on the back and telling him he’s doing a great job.

meanwhile, the economy continues to crater.

Economists on Wednesday expressed significant concerns after new data from global payroll processing firm ADP estimated that the US economy lost 32,000 jobs last month.

to the Republicans who think Donny’s going to magically snap out of it and start ‘honing his message’ about ‘affordability,’ I say ‘sorry, peeps.’

Donny’s gonna do it his way. literally. yesterday, at 2pm, Donny was blasting Frank Sinatra’s My Way out of the windows of the White House.

here’s my message to Donny: shove your head in the sand, ignore reality, and keep imagining that the economy is going great guns. you do it your way, bro.

close your eyes tight enough, Donny, and you won’t even see the blue wave coming in 2026.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other