Category: Love and Relationships

I woke this morning from a rather strange dream. In this dream I had been out running errands with one of the partners of the small architectural firm I worked at for the majority of my tenure in San Francisco. I remember asking how he’d been doing—knowing somewhere in my subconscious that he’d been in a skilled nursing facility for years—and he replied that he was on a new medication that seemed to be helping. Helping with what specifically I have no idea, but he handed me a box of whatever it was and I noted suspiciously that it was unopened. We continued chatting and we realized we’d known each other 40 years, and thinking about it now in the light of day I realize how quickly time has passed. I’m now older than he was when I first went to work for the partners and I soberly realized that Jack—who was a year younger than my Dad—has probably long since shuffled off the planet onto his next adventure.

In the dream, when I realized how long we’d known each other, Jack laid down, convulsed a couple times, and was gone. It was then I woke up.

I lost touch with the family a few years after Ben and I moved to Denver. His wife and I were good friends and used to correspond at least yearly, but my letters finally went unanswered, and I realize that Lei too, is no doubt passed onto bigger and better rthings.

This got me thinking about all the strong women who have played such a big part in my life. I don’t have an older sisters but each of these women has in their own way stepped into that role whether or not they acknowledged it.

Lei was the second to fill the role. She was confidant, counselor, and pal-around buddy I loved spending time with. Our views on life, the universe, and everything (not to mention politics) were perfectly in sync. When I left San Francisco for the first time to return to Tucson, our correspondence was weekly, if not more often. She loved working with fonts, and whenever I ran across one I thought she’d like, I’d remotely help her install it into Windows and then the next letter I received would of course, be printed in that font.

The first woman to fill the role was my friend Kekku. We met back in ’85 when we were working for two different architectural firms that shared an office space. I call her my Finnish Firebrand, but she was—and still is—one of my closest and dearest friends who will not hesitate to call out my bullshit. When my second partner had to go to San Francisco for a weekend on business (well in advance of our actual relocation there about 18 months later) and she learned I’d never been there an couldn’t go with him due to financial constraints she said, “You’ve never been to San Francisco?! I’ll buy you a ticket.” And she did. Talk about setting my life course!

The woman who’s been occupying this role in my life most strongly since before I met Ben is Cindy, the “nurse friend” I often refer to. We met when I was working at Phoenix Baptist Hospital in the 00’s and apparently had a bit of a reputation for being, um…”challenging” for everyone in I.T.

I had no such issues and found her delightful.

We bonded almost immediately, and we’ve been there for each other through thick and thin for the last twenty years. Again, it’s odd to think that I’m now older than she was when we first met…

So yeah, I’m all for strong women in our lives. They’re needed more than we realize.

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