Category: Notable Quotes

When I was young there were Beatniks. Hippies. Punks. Gangsters. Now you're a hactivist, which I would probably be if I was 20. Shuttin' down Mastercard. But there's no look to that lifestyle! Besides just wearing a bad outfit with bad posture. Has WikiLeaks caused a look? No! I'm mad about that. If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, it seems to me he should at least have an outfit for that." ~ John Waters

If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense.

If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true, and someone would find a way to figure it all out again." ~ Penn Jillette

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." – Ambrose Bierce

"My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine." – Caroline Rhea

"How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand." – Emo Philips

"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets." – Al McGuire

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height." – Casey Stengel

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right." – Ashleigh Brilliant

"Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away." – Benjamin Franklin

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it." – Buddy Hackett

"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." – Albert Einstein

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?" – Benny Hill

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." – Dave Barry

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age." – George Burns

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." – Bill Watterson

"It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads." – Andy Borowitz

"At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." – Ann Landers

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Whenever I hear some bigmouth in Washington or the Christian heartland banging on about the evils of sodomy or whatever, I mentally enter his name in my notebook and contentedly set my watch. Sooner rather than later, he will be discovered down on his weary and well-worn old knees in some dreary motel or latrine, with an expired Visa card, having tried to pay well over the odds to be peed upon by some Apache transvestite." ~ Christopher Hitchens