Category: Snark

Posted on

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I can feel Bill Gates' our alien overlords' nanobots swarming through my bloodstream, but it's been two days and I'm still waiting for my 5G antennas to start sprouting. I wonder if my reception will be good enough with just those, or if I'll still need a tinfoil hat…

There is a welt at the injection site that forms "666," so I'm not giving up hope just yet.

Posted on

Evil Bitch That I Am…

Just once on one of these house flipping shows, instead of announcing termite infestation or rotten wiring, I'd like the bad news the contractor inevitably delivers to the charming, photogenic couple halfway through construction to be, "I've got the clap. You and your wife both need to get checked out."