Why I Hate Television

Such a provocative title.

I don't hate all television, and I don't hate the medium in and of itself. I hate the way networks have decided to push out series in 8, 10, 12-episode increments and then go on hiatus for what seems like years before returning. (I'm talking to you, Mad Men.)

It's not just Mad Men; it's pretty much any dramatic, scripted show these days. It seems that once you get hooked on something and really start getting into the current storyline, it's the end of the season's run—or worse yet, they split a single season up into two parts.

Pretty much everything we watch (or have watched) on a regular basis falls into this category:

Nurse Jackie
Helix
American Horror Story
Z Nation
The Strain
Doctor Who
Masters of Sex
The Walking Dead

Now I realize the cost of producing a full 30 episodes of a series like networks used to do when I was young is astronomical these days—especially when you factor in many of the shows we enjoy are heavy on special effects, but c'mon people. 8 episodes followed by a year-long hiatus? What's the logic in that?

I mean, it's gotten to the point that we cancel our premium channels for half the year because everything we watch is missing from their lineup. That's costing you money, HBO & Showtime.

I suppose I should just give up complaining about this because the companies that produce what we watch don't give a shit as long as the advertising dollars (or paid subscriptions) keep rolling in, but sooner or later if enough people just flat out cancel their premium channels for half the year they might wake up and take notice…

AHS: Coven

A lot of people with very important opinions did not much care for this past season of American Horror Story.

I, on the other hand—in spite of some glaring plot holes you could drive a truck into—found it completely enjoyable and of the three seasons,  definitely the most entertaining. It was always on my "must watch" list and something I always looked forward to seeing.

Whatever shall I do now that this particular story is finished?

Granted, there wasn't much horror (per se) this year, but I loved the scenery chewing, the set design, and the performances of all involved. Maybe I just have low standards.

Or perhaps not.

From tv.com:

Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk's American Horror Story is a national treasure. When you watch as much supposed "prestige" television as I do, you realize just how special and audacious something like this is. AHS doesn't care about coherent storytelling or logic or reasonable pay-offs. (Most shows ONLY care about those things.) This one operates firmly in dream logic territory because guess what? That's where horror lives too. And guess who horror's next-door neighbor is? Comedy. Both genres thrive in that weird subconscious level below rational thought. Explain a joke and it's no longer funny. Explain a villain's motivations and he's no longer scary. Anybody complaining about AHS's lack of coherence is not only judging it by an incorrect rubric, they're really just admitting being uncomfortable without the safety net of traditional storytelling and they're mistaking that admission with criticism. This is the rare show where both plaudits and disdain are accurate responses, but the fact that that effect is intentional is what pushes it into genius territory. Nothing is less cool than using someone's self-deprecation against them, and that's what the worst critics have been doing: "It's stupid, it makes no sense, it's silly." THAT'S THE POINT.

The most difficult part of any week was staying away from the spoiler-laden reviews on Thursday morning since we rarely stayed up to watch the show when it was actually broadcast (11 pm is rather late for a school night when one has to be up at 5 am the next morning). I confess, I strayed into one of reviews today without having seen the season finale, and wasn't especially surprised when I read who became the next Supreme. (It was an idea I'd been tossing around in my head for weeks.)

I was sad to see two of my favorite characters meet their ends in this final episode, but was also delighted to see karma doled out to two other characters who so richly deserved it.

Again, from tv.com:

Well, that's that. This season is dunzo. I loved it with all of my heart. What a true celebration of actresses and comedy. Don't listen to bozos who complain about it being "a mess" or "it didn't add up" or "it was not as good as previous seasons." Those are FALSE COMPLAINTS. Television doesn't have to conform to some kind of formula. It doesn't have to set things up nor pay them off. It merely has to set off dazzling fireworks in our brains. I don't know if I've seen a drama as brave and hilarious as this one, nor something that trafficked so heavily in dream logic and, uh, nightmare imagery. I am always suspicious of people who think "it made no sense" or "it was unsatisfying" is a legit criticism. What they are really doing is stating a plain fact of a certain kind of storytelling: Few things are as unsettling as surprises, and that's what this show is about.

It will be interesting to see what Messers Murphy and Falchuk come up with for next year.

I cannot wait.

Late to the Party

So I just started watching The Walking Dead.

Yeah, I know. Late to the party as usual.

The past few days AMC has been running a pre-season 4 marathon, and since there was nothing else on, I thought what the hell…find out what everyone's been raving about.

Now my DVR is full, goddamnit!

Love the story, even though I've never been a big Zombie fan. But the characters are engaging and I got sucked in. Trouble is, it's so intense I can only take about 3-4 episodes at a time before I have to turn it off.

Speaking of sucked, Hello Rick!

But with all Zombie stories, I have one question to ask: What happens when everyone who is not a zombie is eaten and/or converted? The ecology just isn't sustaining. If Zombies can't eat Zombies, what happens when their food supply runs out? And won't they all just eventually decompose anyway?

I guess it's kind of like parasites or bacteria that kill their hosts.

I'm Sure It's Not…

…the first time either John Barrowman or Stephen Amell have found themselves in this situation. Maybe not necessarily together, but still.

Or maybe I'm just projecting.

I can just imagine the off-screen kidding that must've gone on during this scene—especially with Barrowman involved.

Sigh. If this is any indication, Arrow looks like another show I should probably be watching.

Best AHS Scene EVAH

This will mean nothing if you haven't been watching the second season of American Horror Story, but if you have, I'm sure you stood up and applauded Lana's goodbye to Briarwood and Dr. Threadson.

And watching her later blow the filthy rapist's head off was so very satisfying.