Category: Television

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Trust Me

Trust me, I'm the man that will probably land you in the most danger you have ever experienced, ever. This may include: extermination, deletion, the loss of your daughter, your daughter melting, and you falling hopelessly in love with me and me not reciprocating.  In addition, if  you're named Rory you'll probably die seven or so times, I'll steal your girlfriend, you'll turn gay for me, your planet will explode, you'll turn into adipose, you'll crash into the sun, you'll get killed by Kryptonites while I reference Harry Potter, and you'll basically have to run fucking everywhere. So yeah…you can totally trust me. Even if you don't you'll probably be drawn in by your curiosity to find my eyebrows or by an inexplicable desire to fuck me.

And you won't regret a moment of it.

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Afternoon Soundtrack

On the eve of our move, and after having said so long to so many of the people and places that have been so much a part of my life for the last 9½ years, I need a little atmospheric escapism.

And Fringe is one of the best damn shows on television right now. I'm so happy it was picked up for a third season.

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Douchebags International

Watching spoiled, clueless people on television selecting and buying property after supposedly being given only three arbitrary choices is one of my guilty pleasures.  Fortunately, on Saturday and Sunday, HomoGayTeeVee Home & Garden Television is more than happy to oblige me.

House Hunters International is especially amusing (or infuriating, depending on your viewpoint). Obviously there are exceptions, but overall the common thread running through the shows seem to be some pampered, obviously monied douchebags are looking for "vacation property" in locations the rest of us would gladly give up our left testicles for the opportunity of living in full time.  And as if to prove that in addition to being douchebags they're also (whether or not they actually hail from the U.S.) stereotypically ugly Americans, none of them seem willing to fully adapt or embrace living in a foreign country.  It's almost as if they're blinded by the romantic idea of living abroad, but insist on bringing their mediocre suburban attitudes and expectations with them.  In a nutshell, most of them simply want to find homes equal to their current South Florida McMansions in the locale of their choice and are put off when faced with the reality of not having sixteen bedrooms, brand new fully-equipped kitchens with stainless steel appliances, and a host of other amenities immediately available to them in a 200 year old farmhouse in the south of France.

I have to hand it to the real estate agents on these shows; they should be nominated for sainthood by the simple virtue of not murdering their clients, much less being able to find them property…