Once a legitimate blog. Now just a collection of memes 'n menz.
And I blame the Internets.
"I used to be that person who read two 400-page books a week. Now I carry around a book with me everywhere I go to try and remember what it feels like to feel that connection within the pages because I can't concentrate to read further than a paragraph, or remember it, for that matter. Every time I see someone engrossed in a novel, it's bittersweet, because I miss what it is like to get lost in the written word. I just want to be able to read like that again."
Pneumonia? I'd vote for Dead Hillary in this race. She could be Patient Zero for Bubonic Plague, still better than #TangerineNightmare
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) September 13, 2016
The United States is a representative democracy? Well, at least now we know who our congressmen are representing…
I could've written this myself.
Dear Apple,
It's me, your biggest fan, Ben. Technically we have't met, although I've been to your Genius Bar a few dozen times. I also stood outside the Moscone Center eating a burrito during WWDC once, so maybe you saw me then.
Anyway, in case you're wondering who really I am, I'm that guy who won't shut up about you, who preaches about you to his friends non-stop, so much so that they swear I work for you (but I don't). Who meticulously sells off each old Apple device so as to subsidize each new one, losing money every time. I'm the guy who has owned every iPhone, every iPad, every Macbook. Who bought a freaking car just to experiment with CarPlay (and what a bad decision that was). If my complex lifestyle doesn't fit the minimal design of one of your stock apps, I try rearranging my lifestyle, convinced that there is wisdom in Apple's simplicity. I'm that rare specimen—or perhaps not so rare anymore—who believes in the marriage of art and science, who has faith in the magic of technology. Oh, and I've spent a quarter of a million dollars on Apple products since 2005.
In other words, Apple, I'm not just a fanboy. I am the fanboy. Which is why it kills me to admit that, as of this moment, you are seriously starting to piss me off. I'll explain why, but before I do, hear me out.
I came to you in my darkest hour. A freshman in college in 2005, my clunky IBM laptop had just been stolen, and I needed a new computer. Rather than buy the same computer again–minus all my photos, software, and journal entries, which were gone forever–I decided to convert this crappy ordeal into a fun learning experience, so I bought a Macbook Pro instead. It was my very first Apple computer, and the first Macbook Pro model you made.
But that Macbook–that sweet, cherubic Macbook–changed everything forever. All of a sudden, there were no error messages, no popups, no annoying warnings or scary alerts. I literally had no idea what to do with all the free time I saved as a result of not fixing things. Occasionally, I'd be using my Apple computer and just burst into spontaneous laughter out of sheer joy at not having to troubleshoot yet another ungodly error. Your customer service was "uh-mazing" said my Mac friends, but I had no way of knowing because I never had a single problem with anything.
At first it was weird: what did all these buttons do, and where were all the other buttons? Also, what the hell was a Finder? But pretty soon, something changed: I fell madly, head-over-heels in love with this machine.
In fact, it was more than that: it was like discovering that I had been in an abusive relationship with Microsoft and PCs for the better part of two decades, and you, Apple, were my salvation. You see, the thing I had always loved about PCs was that whenever something went wrong (which was generally about once every 30 seconds) I knew how to fix it. I was the troubleshooting king. I prided myself on knowing what every error message meant and how to get around it. With enough Googling, the right workaround, and some perspiration, I could solve any PC problem.
In other words, it just worked.
Flash forward to 2015. A decade later, things are still looking promising for Apple. Despite the loss of Steve Jobs, you guys are the most valuable company on earth. Hell, you're worth twice as much as the next-richest company, Exxon Mobil. iPhones are literally more valuable than oil shooting out of the ground.
But Apple, despite your incredible success, I have noticed an unsettling increase in bullshit that I have to deal with as a user of your products. What first began as a trickle has become a veritable flood. Just yesterday, I counted twenty-two errors across four devices, some of which (according to your support forums) have been known problems for three years.
Twenty-two. That's way more than zero, which is how many problems I had with my Apple devices as recently as a few years ago.
A lot of this has to do with cloud services. When I bought my first Macbook Pro in 2005, people still did many things offline. We stored music on our hard drives, had Netflix send us movies in the mail (Jesus Christ), and occasionally even bought software at the store. I still remember driving to Best Buy to purchase Microsoft Office like a nincompoop, which for many today is a non-issue. In that environment, Apple was king. You made dynamite software…
But the days of software are waning. Now, the average tech user is probably connected to the Internet 24/7. As a result, cloud services have become far more important than traditional software.
And Apple, let's be real: you are terrible at the cloud. Even to say that is such a ridiculous understatement that it would be like saying "zombies are mammals." I mean, yes, they are, but that doesn't cover the half of it. It seems as if every time I try to use any cloud-related service of yours, whether it's Siri or the new Photos app or just plain Pages, something goes wrong. Siri has a stroke, Photos hasn't uploaded the photo I took 10 minutes ago, and Pages can't save my document to iCloud. Imagine that: not being able to save a fucking document. What is this, the Paleolithic Era?
The saddest part of this is that unlike me, many people have taken forever to switch to Apple, which means they are only just now switching from the error-filled PC world to the error-filled Apple world, and they won't even notice the difference. They're prone to abuse by their evil tech overlords. But I know better, and so do others. There was a time when Apple products were unlike anything else on the planet. They were simple, elegant, and they just worked.
Now, they just don't. Hence the existence of this website, which serves as a testament to all the awful crap Apple users have to deal with nowadays.
For instance! Apple Music is an utter travesty, full of cumbersome UI, cloud syncing issues (surprise), bugs that will eat half your music library, and the list goes on. iTunes on the Mac is a loose and baggy monster full of random crap that no one needs, making it impossible to do the simplest thing such as–gasp–play a song. iMessage is barebones to the extreme and unintuitive to use, with 90% of people I know having no clue how to set it up across multiple devices and email addresses (it's not hard, but it's not obvious either). Apple's Mail app is atrocious on both the iPhone and the Mac, with limited functionality and constant account verification problems. The new Photos app syncs poorly or not at all, and it's utterly dumb compared to Google's Photos app, which does magical things like allow you to search for objects and people automatically. Siri is Siri. Apple Maps is cow dung. CarPlay, which I have in my car, is a buggy piece of trash that infuriates me on a daily basis.
Now, Apple, I want to make something clear: I'm very good with computers. Despite all these stupid glitches and questionable product decisions, I make it work. I'm getting better and better at troubleshooting Apple problems and bending finicky products to my will.
But here's the thing: I shouldn't have to. That's the world I left to join you, Apple. That's the crap I abandoned ten years ago when I decided never to buy another PC. Is that really where we're at now? Did we really trade Cheech for Chong?
(More)
I graduated high school in the top 10% of my class thinking the world was my oyster. I dropped out of college after 3 barely-passing semesters.
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don't try to convince me that
There's something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don't last.
And it's not true that
It's all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one's surroundings are good
It's not that that good exists
I'm sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It's all beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say
Today was a good day
Now read from bottom to top.
Via Buzzfeed:
1. Home renos WILL lead to arguments.
2. And possibly divorce.
3. Or, at least, some of those couples should definitely break up…
4. Basically, happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (h/t Leo Tolstoy)
5. Countertops can only be made from two materials: granite or marble.
6. Counter space is ESSENTIAL, even if you know you don't ever cook.
7. And you better banish the thought of renovating a kitchen without adding an island.
8. The larger your kitchen cabinets are, the better a person you are. It's a fact.
9. There are no two people in the world who can successfully share a bathroom in the morning.
10. Literally, EVERY time two people attempt to gather over one sink, the world threatens to implode.
11. If only every bathroom had double sinks, world peace would be achievable.
12. Showers that can fit multiple people are totally necessary.
13. Even though no one will acknowledge the only situation in which that would even matter.
14. Sex. I mean sex.
15. Although, again — some of these couples are clearly not ~getting it on~.
16. No matter your budget, the only option is to renovate a fixer-upper.
17. No matter your budget, there is a 0% chance that it will cover everything you hope to do.
18. Computerized renderings of interior design are way more exciting than they should be.
19. Carpet is the devil.
20. Hardwood floors are an angel sent from heaven to rectify our sins.
21. Tile floors are kind of in between, like the purgatory of flooring options.
22. The only word that can be used to describe floors is "flowing," as in "Let's install some beautiful hardwoods flowing throughout the open-concept first floor."
23. Any time there is more than one person working on something at once, there will be heavy sexual tension between those people.
24. Literally, no matter who the people are, it will be there.
25. To specify: Love It or List It is actually not a show about home renovation, but is the slowly developing tale of the greatest love story of all between Hilary and David.
26. And you know what, Hilary and lead contractor Eddie have some chemistry going on as well.
27. No one in the world is able to monitor their children successfully without an open-concept floor plan.
28. For real, before the idea of the open concept took hold, 99% of children died due to their parents being unable to care for them properly.
29. Knob and tube electrical wiring is the worst atrocity that has ever occurred.
30. Structural changes are actually wicked expensive.
31. And apparently no one has ever built a home up to code unless the process was televised.
32. Essentially, your home is probably a death trap just waiting for you to fall prey to its merciless, murderous ways.
33. YOUR PLUMBING CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
34. If you don't have a patio outside, it is impossible to enjoy your backyard.
35. Only men are able to mow the lawn. It's just science.
36. Only women have enough clothing to fill an entire closet. Again, science.
37. If a home doesn't have an entire room to do laundry in, you might as well just smear mud on all of your clothing and wear it like that.
38. And having laundry in the basement is perhaps worse than having no laundry room at all.
39. Unfinished basements are where the ghosts live, you know?
40. Every single person in the world needs a home office.
41. And also a guest bedroom.
42. But those two rooms may NEVER be one and the same.
43. The wooden framing that's used to create walls is sometimes blue, and that's actually pretty damn cool.
44. That foam insulation that you spray on seems like it would make a fun toy.
45. You have a previously undiscovered desire to take a sledgehammer and just pound it against whatever surfaces you can find.
46. You have a previously undiscovered desire to simply watch the Property Brothers take a sledgehammer to whatever surfaces they can find.
47. No one likes both Property Brothers equally. Even their parents definitely have a favorite.
48. At least once during every home renovation, one of the homeowners must express dismay over the designer's choice of wall color.
49. Because, as we all know, wall color is an irreversible decision.
50. Children are able to vanish into thin air during the entire renovation period and then return once the renovation is over.
51. And no one will question where the children have been this entire time.
52. You physically can't watch a home renovation show without spending the entire time planning out your own imaginary reno that will likely never happen.
53. No matter how annoying they can get, you'll never be able to stop watching home renovation TV.
