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Saturday “Jokes”

You know you’re old when you don’t recognize the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, “Boy was my wife mad at me last night.
She went on and on and wouldn’t stop!”
The other one says, “When my wife goes like that I just don’t listen.”
“How do you manage that?”
“It’s easy! I turn off the light!”

Oh great, Daylight Saving Time is over.
Now we can all enjoy the sunset while we’re eating lunch.

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems.
Pick one person you don’t like and blame them for everything.

So just to be clear, Dems rigged the election against tRUMP in 2020 but then just forgot to do it this time around?

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today. HA!

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Gopher, Netscape with frames, the first browser wars, searching with AltaVista, pop-up windows self-replicating, trying to uninstall RealPlayer. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

We aren’t ending friendships over politics, we’re ending friendships over morals.
There is a huge difference.

The only thing you can do about awful people is not be one of them.

Study: Anxiety Natural Response To Suited Men Wearing Shades Closing In From All Angles.

You donate a kidney and you’re a hero.
You donate five kidneys and suddenly the police are involved.

Genie: You have three wishes.
Lamp rubber: 1 – Do the opposite of my next wish.
2 – Don’t fulfill my third wish.
3 – Ignore my first wish.
Genie: Error error error error error error error error…

Was in the pub last night and telling my mates the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath… throw your washing in” … The bloke on the next table said, “My brother who’s epileptic had a fit in the bath and died”… Well, if the ground could swallow me up, I apologized and asked him if he drowned. He said, “No, he choked on a sock”.

So, the country’s going to be run by a bankrupt “businessman,” a Fox News anchor, a Bond villain, and an OnlyFans creator? It’s like Idiocracy has come to life.

It’s literally the cabinet from Idiocracy, but it’s real.

How long before Hannibal Lecter is nominated for Surgeon General?

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She said, “Wear your own then.”

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. She asked, “Is it true that the medicine you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
She replies, “It has me concerned that the bottle says ‘no refills’.”

A Mobius strip walks into a bar looking pretty sad.
The bartender asks what’s wrong.
Mobius strip: Where do I even start?

After watching his picks, I’m starting to understand how he bankrupted those casinos.

A funeral was held today for the inventor of the air conditioner. Thousands of fans attended.

I walked past a man who kept saying, “1, 3, 5, 7, 9… 1, 3, 5, 7, 9”.
I thought, how odd.

I know it’s a long shot, but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?

The patron saint of copying people on email is St. Francis of a CC.

My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to go and get me a running start, but I made it!

My email password has been hacked again.
That’s the 3rd time I’ve had to rename the cat.

I went for a job interview on a building site mixing sand, cement, and aggregates.
I think I got the job, but nothing’s concrete yet.

If we remove all the margarine on Earth, the world would be a butter place.

My favorite allergy song is Blowin’ in the Wind by Peter, Pollin, and Mary.

Just saw a girl with six lip piercings at Target.
It took all my power not to attach a shower curtain.

If your bladder is full, urine trouble.

A 3 foot, 3 inch tall man knocked at my door this morning.
I said: “Who are you?”
He said: “I’m the meter man”.

My dentist offered me dentures for only a dollar.
It sounded like a good deal at the time, but now I have buck teeth.

When tall people go to bed they sleep longer.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

[Source]

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The Fallout Begins

An interesting side effect of Trump’s picks for filling his cabinet is the reaction of Wall Street to his selections.. This isn’t getting a lot of press because the Main Stream Media is still trying to sane wash everything he does. They don’t talk about how Evangelicals are upset about his choice of Kennedy to run Health and Human Services because Kennedy is Pro Abortion. Wall Street, on the other other hand, does not like Chaos, and the Orange Anus is trying to destroy the institutions which provide stability. Wall Street knows that no country in the world will talk to Tulsi Gabbard about intelligence, except those who are already cozying up to Putin. Wall Street does not want a House of Representatives that is focused solely on retaliation and retribution. Wall Street understands that Matt Gaetz hates America as much as Donald Trump, and disapproves. As a result, Wall Street has been in decline. Wall Street understands that people living in a chaotic America are not going to spend their hard earned dollars the way Wall Street wants them to, and this will be a shocking surprise to the cultists. Trump doesn’t care, he loves Russia, not America.” ~ Dave R

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Oh, We Know. We Know.

Rodney William Marsh was an Australian professional cricketer who played as a wicketkeeper for the Australian national team. He was a part of the Australian squad which finished as runners-up at the 1975 Cricket World Cup. Marsh had a Test career spanning from the 1970–71 to the 1983–84 Australian seasons. Wikipedia

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Items Likely Targeted for Tariffs

Fruits and Vegetables

• Bananas, Mangoes, and Pineapples (from Central and South America)
• Avocados (from Mexico)
• Citrus fruits like oranges and lemons (from Mexico and Spain)
• Berries (e.g., strawberries, blueberries) (from Mexico, Chile)
• Tomatoes, Bell Peppers, and Cucumbers (from Mexico and Canada)
• Asparagus (from Peru and Mexico)

Seafood (Fresh, Frozen, and Canned)

• Fresh/Frozen Shrimp (from Thailand, India, Ecuador)
• Salmon (from Norway, Chile)
• Tilapia (from China)
• Tuna (canned) (from Thailand, the Philippines)
• Sardines (from Portugal, Morocco)
• Mackerel (canned) (from Japan, Norway)
• Grains and Legumes
• Rice (from Thailand, India, Vietnam)
• Quinoa (from Peru and Bolivia)
• Chickpeas and Lentils (from Canada, India)

Nuts and Seeds

• Cashews (from Vietnam and India)
• Brazil Nuts (from Bolivia, Brazil)
• Almonds (from Spain, Australia)
• Chia Seeds (from Mexico and Argentina)

Dairy Products

• Cheese varieties like Parmesan, Gouda, Feta (from Italy, Netherlands, Greece)
• Butter (from Ireland, New Zealand)
• Yogurt (Greek-style from Greece, other varieties from Europe)

Canned Foods and Packaged Items

• Tomato paste and puree (from Italy)
• Canned olives and olive oil (from Spain, Italy, Greece)
• Canned coconut milk (from Thailand)
• Canned beans (from Mexico, Central America)
• Canned corn (from Canada, Brazil)
• Canned anchovies and sardines (from Morocco, Portugal)
• Canned fruit (e.g., pineapple, mango, peaches) (from Thailand, Philippines, Mexico)
• Canned tuna and salmon (from Thailand, the Philippines, Chile)

Spices and Herbs

• Vanilla (from Madagascar)
• Black Pepper (from Vietnam, India)
• Cinnamon (from Sri Lanka)
• Turmeric (from India)
• Paprika (from Spain, Hungary)

Beverages

• Coffee beans (from Brazil, Colombia, Vietnam)
• Tea leaves (from India, Sri Lanka, China)
• Cocoa beans (from Côte d’Ivoire, Ghana)

Oils and Fats

• Olive oil (from Spain, Italy, Greece)
• Coconut oil (from the Philippines, Indonesia)
• Palm oil (from Malaysia, Indonesia)

Alcoholic Beverages

• Wine (from France, Italy, Chile, Spain)
• Beer (particularly certain Mexican brands)
• Whiskey and Scotch (from Scotland, Ireland)

Sweeteners

• Cane sugar (from Brazil, Mexico)
• Maple syrup (from Canada)

Condiments and Sauces

• Soy sauce (from Japan, China)
• Fish sauce (from Thailand, Vietnam)
• Sriracha and other chili sauces (from Thailand)
• Italian pasta sauces (canned/jarred) (from Italy)

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The Guardian Will No Longer Post on X

To be filed under FAFO:

The Guardian has announced it will no longer post content on Elon Musk’s social media platform, X, from its official accounts.

In an announcement to readers, the news organisation said it considered the benefits of being on the platform formerly called Twitter were now outweighed by the negatives, citing the “often disturbing content” found on it.

“We wanted to let readers know that we will no longer post on any official Guardian editorial accounts on the social media site X,” the Guardian said.

The Guardian has more than 80 accounts on X with approximately 27 million followers.

[Source]

Your move, rest of the media…

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Step One in Fighting Against Donald Trump This Time

From Palmer Report:

As we continue to grapple with this startling new reality that we’re facing, the same question keeps surfacing: where to begin? The other day I talked about some of the mistakes we made the last time we were forced to resist a Trump regime. Today I want to talk about something we got right last time, because we need to make it Step One this time around.

One thing we’ve constantly seen with modern U.S. Presidents is that their ability to govern and get their way is based on their approval rating more than anything else. It may feel like just a number on paper. But in reality it’s what gives a President political capital with the American public.

Trump’s ability to carry out this or that corrupt initiative will be based almost entirely on how popular or unpopular he is with the American people on any given day. He may have Congress, he may have the courts, but at the end of the day both those entities will be more afraid to go along with Trump’s antics if he’s stuck with a very low approval rating.

We saw this in action last time around. Trump entered office with a historically low approval rating for an incoming President, already down to the forties, and it crippled him politically right out of the gate. The media saw that the public was quickly turning against Trump, and so the media started feasting on him. Each of his initiatives was covered as a scandal instead of as a political plank, and it sank a lot of what he was trying to do.

The one thing we couldn’t quite do last time was drive Trump’s approval rating all the way below the magical 30% number. If we’d have gotten him down into the twenties, that would have been the only story about him, and it would have meant the end of his agenda. We came close, but we were only able to drive Trump down into the low thirties, before he settled in and ended up around 40% for the long haul. It was just enough for him to limp along with his agenda.

This time around we need to take this even further. We need to quickly make the mainstream American public – yes the same dummies who just tepidly voted for him and/or stayed home on election day – embarrassed by the fact that Trump won. We need to convince these folks to have immediate buyer’s remorse. We need Trump’s approval rating to already be down in the thirties by the time he takes office, and down into the twenties sometime in early 2025. That way the entire story ends up being about how unpopular and untenable Trump is, and neither he nor his allies have any room to drive anything else.

So how do we make this happen? We focus on the things about Trump that are the most embarrassing. We focus on how deep into dementia he is. We keep asking why he’s all but disappeared since being declared the winner. We focus on the extremist and absurd nature of his initial cabinet picks. He’s really floating a Fox News host as Secretary of Defense? That sounds so bad to the average American, it’s something we can use against him. You get the idea of how this works.

So let’s bury Donald Trump’s presidency under the weight of his own low approval rating before it even begins. It’s the best leverage that we have. If we’re going to fight this guy, this is how we do it.

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