Category: Uncategorized

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Idiot Desantis has still not realized you don’t fuck with the Mouse. Disney can ground that little pipsqueak into the ground in so many delightfully painful ways that it’s going to be interesting just to see which one they ultimately choose.

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It has been a First-World-Problems week from hell.

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With each passing day I become more and more amazed that our species has managed to survive as long as it has.

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Is it mad cow disease?

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That’s some serious dedication to one’s art.

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…since it appears that our rights may soon be under attack again by the same hateful bigots we’ve been fighting since the 1970s.

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Hey, I have no hair to dye, so boy’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. And this one was too cute to say no to.

If interested you can get one (or any other number of designs or colors  here.

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Unfortunately they won’t. Ever. That whole “mind your own business” part gives them hives.

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I guess someone finally found it.

(Note: that link will only work properly in Chrome and Edge.)

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(Unless you actually want to sleep!)

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“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Philips

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” – George Burns

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

[source]

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