Gavin Newsom and his social media team are humiliating the living shit out of Republicans right now — and Republicans have no one to blame but themselves.
don’t feed the troll.’
it’s the first thing most of us learn on the internet. if someone is deliberately trying to wind you up, just to provoke response, don’t engage. don’t give them the pleasure of a reply. it’s what they want. it’s how they win. just walk away.
and for fuck’s sake, don’t ever feed the troll when the troll is so much better at internetting than you are.
perhaps the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun should stick to his day job as an obscure podcaster.
it’s been over a week since Team Newsom started tweeting in the crazypants ALL CAPS style of Mad King Donny. imagine for a moment what would have happened if the Republican response had been silence. Newsom’s joke would have been funny for a couple of days, and then the world would have moved on to the next shiny object.
but no, Republicans can’t keep silent — and as a result they keep getting their asses handed to them.
as always, the wingnuts’ infantile insults reveal more about them than they intend to.
“Gavin and his team of beta males who sit down to pee.”
pro tip: normal people don’t obsess over what goes on in bathrooms.
Team Newsom has held up a mirror to what unserious nitwits conservatives are, and it’s broken their brains.
let’s listen to the man himself break it down.
“I mean, even poor Kid Rock — these guys, they’ve gotten a little precious, haven’t they? the folks at Fox are like, ‘oh, this is so unbecoming of a governor. oh, oh.’ and meanwhile, they sit there reading his tweets every single day. are they really that out of touch? it’s jaw-dropping how precious and concerned the New York Post has suddenly gotten. how the Wall Street Journal board is like, ‘oh no, we can’t have this.’ I mean, what I hope is that we’re exposing it all. I hope we’re entertaining some people.”
the governor asks, ‘are they really that out of touch?’
the answer is clear: oh fucking yes, they are.
Fox News has done as much as anyone to keep this story alive. they just keep bringing on an endless series of tiresome scolds to explain why it’s perfectly okay for Dear Leader to tweet like a coked-up squirrel, but it’s not okay for Gavin Newsom to mimic it.
oh look, here’s Couchfuck McGee to drone on about authenticity.
this idea that Gavin Newsom is somehow going to mimic Donald Trump’s style — that ignores the fundamental genius of President Trump’s political success that he is authentic. don’t be a crazy person. be authentic.”
that’s rich, getting lessons in authenticity from JD Vance.
this is the automaton whose idea of human interaction is to lurch mechanically into a donut shop and be all ‘hello fellow life-form, for what time period have you been commercing confections, HA HA that’s great.’
America’s Mad King is authentic? oh please. there’s nothing authentic about the guy with a fake tan, fake teeth, fake hair, fake golf scores, fake SAT scores, fake bone spurs, lifts in his shoes, a girdle around his waist, and god knows what the fuck else is going on under those shapeless clothes.
on and on goes the endless parade of Fox News bobbleheads. who even knew that Kellyanne Conway was still a thing?
look at Gavin Newsom. now he’s busy trolling on social media, and it’s cringe … because Donald Trump is one of one. only he can do what he’s done with social media.”
fact check: fuck no, it’s not true that only Dear Leader can tweet like Dear Leader. Donny’s dumb-ass ALL CAPS style is so easily-mockable that even a map company can do it.
that’s why all this shit is so fucking hilarious. that’s why the very second anyone tweets out bombastic all-caps nonsense, you know exactly who’s being parodied.
look, MAGA: the reason it’s so easy to mock Dear Leader is because he’s done ninety-five percent of the job for us. he’s already a joke.
Donny Convict is a buffoon. he walks like a buffoon, talks like a buffoon, and tarts himself up like a buffoon.
that’s why you can stick an orange wig on a muppet and everyone immediately knows who’s being made fun of.
it’s not our fault that the guy you worship is a clown. that was your choice.
grow a sense of humor.
oh, look who else can’t stop whining about Gavin Newsom. it’s the White House Deputy Press Secretary.
“The all caps tweets from Newsom’s team are very weird and not at all funny but I know some dweeb is sitting in they/thems office cackling to themselves thinking they’re a world class comedian.”
fact check:
oh, lucky us. MSNBC’s most-useless pantload has entered the chat.
“it’s quite embarrassing, actually. I mean, Gavin Newsom, I mean have you seen what he’s doing online, and [hugh sigh] just take a deep breath.”
shut the fuck up, Morning Joe. you’re of no use to anyone.
you know what’s “quite embarrassing”? that stunt that happened about ten minutes after Donny was elected last November, when Morning Joe and Any Time Of Day Mika slunk down to Motel-a-Lago to grovel at Dear Leader’s feet.
‘oh, please don’t be mean to us, we promise to say only nice things about you.’
so again, Joe: shut. the. fuck. up. you’re not fit to shine Gavin Newsom’s shoes. we’ll give you a call if we ever need tips on kow-towing to a tinpot fascist.
even Donny himself can’t let this story die. he was at it again last night — and, of course, Gavin Newsom had the perfect one-word response.
maybe Donny should sit the whole Newsom thing out, and go back to denying ever meeting his dead pedo bestie.
speaking of which: the only thing you really need to know about all this ginned-up wingnut outrage over Gavin Newsom’s tweets is that Donny Convict’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
and now, it’s time for your Hero of the Day.
one has to wonder why Couchfuck McGee even bothers to go out in public any more. no matter where on the planet he goes, he’s met with angry, shouting crowds. yesterday, for some inexplicable reason, JD got it into his vapid head to stroll into Washington DC’s Union Station, and — well, here’s your hero.
“oh look, it’s Couchfucker. you gonna fuck a couch, buddy? GO FUCK A COUCH, JD VANCE, GO FUCK A COUCH!”
thank you to the approximately two hundred thousand people who messaged me to let me know it happened. you’re all doing the lord’s work.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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