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I loved to sleep with the window open. Rainy nights were the best of all: I would open the window and put my head on the pillow and close my eyes and feel the wind on my face and listen to the trees sway and creak.” ~ Neil Gaiman

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About a month before our wedding anniversary this year, I ordered a gift for Ben. When I saw it, I knew it would be perfect since both of us are such geeks. I thought I’d allowed plenty of time for it to arrive—but I hadn’t anticipated it sitting at customs in Los Angeles for nearly three weeks. As it turned out, it did arrive on the day of the anniversary, but it was still no good. It needed to be properly framed and there was no way Ben was going to see it until it had been.

I finally got it back from the framer’s last night. And as I’d expected, Ben loved it!

But I’m not so thrilled. This star map is backwards from what you’d expect. It’s not what you’d see looking up, but rather what you’d see if you looked down onto the earth from a vantage point on the outside of some celestial sphere (or like on a globe) upon which the stars had been fixed. It’s very disappointing.

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It’s Sunday morning, and last night someone (probably hundreds of someones) had a first date with someone else. They don’t know it yet, but they have met the one they will fall in love with, marry and raise a family. They have met the one they will stay with till “death do they part.” But they don’t know this yet. It was just a first date.

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1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet are killing you.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

~ A high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words.

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We binge-watched The Five on Netflix over the past few nights. It’s a moody, atmospheric British murder mystery that is definitely worth 10 hours of your time. And Tom Cullen is very pretty (as is his co-star, O-T Fagbenle).

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We finally saw It this past weekend.  I really liked it. I was expecting the worst, being such a fan of the original 90’s miniseries, but when the credits finally rolled, I felt it was money very well spent. I’ve never read the original novel, so I had only the miniseries to go off of, but I loved the character development and the bits of backstory that were missing from the miniseries. As I’m sure others have written, it’s the adults in the film who are as equally as monstrous as Pennywise. Looking forward to Chapter 2 now!

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I would love to see a movie from the perspective of aliens discovering the Voyager probes and attempting to decode the golden records.

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It’s 2017, any place that charges a convenience fee to pay bills online is just an asshole.

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Every day our dogs wake up and wonder if today is one of those two special days that the humans stay home all day with them.

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Eric Bennett of Desert Flippers on HGTV. A cute goofball. And you just know the guy’s got a fire crotch…

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According to Christian numerologist David Meade, verses in Luke 21:25 to 26 are the sign that recent events, such as the solar eclipse and Hurricane Harvey, are signs of the apocalypse.

Conspiracy theories about a rogue planet impacting the Earth and bringing about armageddon have been circulating online for more than two decades, with the latest dubious prophecy predicting the apocalypse happens today—September 23, 2017.

And since it’s now September 24th in Australia and Asia, well…

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North Korea is the world’s chihuahua. It’s small, evil, unpredictable, yaps constantly, and no one wants to get anywhere near it.

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Just once on one of these house flipping shows, instead of announcing termite infestation or rotten wiring, I’d like the bad news the contractor inevitably delivers to the charming, photogenic couple halfway through construction to be, “I’ve got the clap. You and your wife both need to get checked out.”

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…but I do approve of this message!

I curse Donald Trump and I curse his ideas.  I invoke the Hex of Obsolescence.

May he be devoured by his own shadow, may his name stick in every throat, may the favoring of him bind to the earth every roving foot until the nail of hatred is pulled, may his ideas twist to lance any hand which will not renounce its greed, may the churned mud of lies clot every closed heart with weakness and fear, may he and his works fall and be devoured by the teeming creatures that feast on rot and putrescence, may his ugliness be sunk into emptiness and ruin, may his name and his word turn to dust and be driven like ash before a fiery wind, never to find rest in any fertile field, nor nourish any fruit.

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In this “Age of Information,” you’d think there’d be a lot less stupid people. But it seems access to the Internet and humanity’s amassed knowledge is just allowing them to broadcast their stupidity from the rooftops.

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