Category: Uncategorized

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Amen, Sister

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Of Stoplights And The Law Of Averages

Because I got nothin’ else at the moment.

There are ten stoplights between my house and work. (I know, it’s a short commute.)

Of those ten, I will always stop at three in particular—no matter when I leave, or how many of the others I have to stop—or don’t stop—at.

Beyond that, it’s a crap shoot. Some days I can breeze through with only four total stops, other days it’s six. On rare occasions I hit only those three lights red, and on very rare occasions I end up stopping at 9 out of 10 (one intersection is always green).

But on average I stop at five lights on my morning commute.

Wasn’t that exciting?

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BOOM!

Hey 45, how does it feel being another Clinton bitch?

You just got OWNED, you blithering, clueless asshole!

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The Mediocrity of White Privilege

Not my words, but my sentiment:

And fuck yes, this is what really pisses me off: the mediocrity of white privilege. It’s not just illiterate toothless hillbillies who claim they’re the master race, it’s bigger than that: it’s thoroughly average (and that’s being generous) specimens like the entire Trump clan. They’re not particularly smart, attractive, talented, imaginative, or any of the other calculi by which we usually award status via merit. They’re completely, totally, obviously mediocre. I know we live in amateur hour, but America used to do at least a half-assed job of pretending to be a meritocracy. If the Trumps have been elevated to the highest circles of our culture, we can’t ever again lay claim to that meritocracy. There is zero merit in inherited wealth. There is no merit in vulgarity, no matter how many fellow vulgarians dress it up as “saying it like it is”. There is no merit in knowing nothing, no matter how afraid of expertise and intelligence the peasant class is. I am offended, in ways that exceed my capacity for reasonable discourse, by this elevation of the mediocre. By this worship of the idiot as a symptom of the self hating ignorance of the legions of equally mediocre voters. This offense against all progress is a vile cancer on the impulse to continue to perfect our union, and it must be stamped out, beaten down, crushed. Not all opinions are valid, not all ideas are created equal, and the idea that humanity must retard its journey in order to assuage the confusion of the most mediocre of our species is a betrayal of every potential we have.

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Shower Thoughts

If the universe is really a simulation, then quantum mechanics would just be a neat function for the computer to carry out so that it would use up less processing power by rendering only things that are being interacted with instead giving a value to every particle being simulated.

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Jon’s Hamm

The infamous trouser snake has gotten loose again and was spotted roaming the streets of New York! Protect your wives! Protect your daughters! Protect your husbands and your sons!

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Down The Rabbit Hole

When I’m not otherwise occupied at work, I’ve found that an excellent way to make time pass in the blink of an eye is to get on Google Maps/Street View.

I spotted this photo over on Shorpy the other day. It was labeled, “Card Alley, San Francisco, February 1936.” I’d never heard of Card Alley, so I figured it was either one of the multitude of half-block long streets that dot downtown, or it was no longer in existence.

The former proved to be the case, because I hopped on Google Maps and found it almost immediately, Surprisingly it still looks very similar.

Once in San Francisco, however, I started exploring. First it was all the places I’d lived. (It looks like many of the buildings had changed ownership because they were actually being kept up now.) From there I started visiting all my old haunts, my workplaces (the small architectural office where I worked 8 years is now a vacant lot adjacent to a condo complex), my daily commute (I actually walked that much?!?). And from there I moved out of the city proper to visit a few of my other favorite places: the Marin Headlands, Sausilito, and then points further afield.

I found myself awash in a curious mix of emotions, a lot of which I can’t even find words for. Obviously there was sadness, a sense of loss tinged with regret at having never done all the things I’d wanted to do (because there was always next week, next month, next year)…but there was also joy and that feeling of “home” I always experienced when I was there. I’ve always said San Francisco was a very jealous mistress, but one that would welcome you back in a heartbeat with open arms should you stray and then return.

I think that’s one of the reasons I haven’t gone back since my departure in 2002. I fear that Siren will grip me and demand my return to her bosom as it did the last time I left. (Granted, that was only an absence of about six months, not fifteen years, so my fears may be groundless.)

And—perhaps most fortunately for me to resist that siren song—as I noted even while living there in my 20s and 30s, is that it remains a city of and for the young…and most recently, a city of the insanely wealthy young, a demographic that I decidedly do not fall into. I remember balking at having to pay $1300 a month for a one bedroom apartment with off-street garage parking and a view of downtown on Twin Peaks in 2002. Nowadays, $1300 might get you a mother-in-law studio apartment in the back of a garage in the Outer Sunset.—if you’re lucky.

But it was still a fun little virtual visit and I plan on returning for further exploration the next time I’m sitting at work with nothing to do and waiting for the day to end.

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I Know It’s Fake…

…because every other picture I’ve seen of Mr. Hardwick shirtless indicates he’s either shaved to within an inch of his life or naturally smooth as a baby’s hind end. But it’s still nice to fantasize.

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Some Days I Do Miss Denver

I knew it was hot the minute I walked out of work yesterday afternoon. The car thermometer registered 119 for most of the commute, topping out at 121 as I turned onto our street. The temperature probe on this thermometer had been in the shade all day, so that was the actual air temperature.

On days like this, -8℉ and 10″ of snow in the middle of May doesn’t sound so bad. But then I think about the other aspects of life that caused us to flee Denver and realize it’s just the heat (and a bit of nostalgia) talking to me.

I fear these temps are becoming the new normal and their onset and duration will only get earlier and last longer. (But according to Glorious Leader and his minions, global warming is just a myth perpetrated by Liberals and the Chinese to sell more us air conditioners and take away our guns, force us to have abortions and get gay married…or something.)

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This…

This is where the true power of our government comes from. Not from the infantile tweets of a demented, narcissistic old man who fancies he’s been made God Emperor.

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