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I Can Guarantee…

…that when the revolution comes, this asshole will be among the first that the people drag out of his penthouse to string up.

At least some people get it:

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Free? Are They Insane?

It’s funny…Ben and I were discussing this a few weeks ago, wondering out loud if Apple would sell OS X Mavericks at the same—or even a lower—price than they did with OS X Mountain Lion. We even joked that they’d give it away for free.

Even with my severely constrained cash flow at the moment, I had mentally set aside $20 (the price of Mountain Lion) to get the upgrade because, well…priorities!

Imagine my “surprise and delight” this morning then—while watching Apple’s Keynote—when they announced the OS upgrade would be absolutely free.

Are they insane? Or have they just caused a few more worry lines to appear on the faces of Microsoft executives?

I can already hear the headlines. “APPLE IS DOOMED! THEY KNOW NO ONE WOULD BUY THE UPGRADE SO THEY’RE GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE!”

Uh. Yeah. About that…

I’d write more, but the download is almost finished.

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“They’re All Gonna Laugh at You!”

Ben and I saw the new Carrie yesterday. I went in with low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. While my memories of the original film are kind of hazy at this point, I think this re-telling of the story seemed much more faithful to the original story—or at least it fleshed out a lot of what had been missing from the 1976 film.

While I thought Sissy Spacek provided a much more vulnerable and abused Carrie, Julianne Moore brought a whole new level of cray-cray to the role of Mrs. White. Dat bitch be insane!

When the film ended, I didn’t feel like I’d been cheated out of seven dollars, but on the other hand, I had no immediate desire to see it again until it shows up on cable…

Final verdict? Recommended. It’s a fun little escape.

The same cannot be said for the pay-per-view movie we saw last night: Pacific Rim. The only redeeming feature of that stinker seemed to be the eye candy provided in a nicely matured Charlie Hannam. Setting aside that the whole premise was ridiculous, it seemed to be yet another in a very long line of  films where the firm providing the CGI just perfected one of those Wow! special effects (in this case, creating millions of bits of shattered glass) and immediately thought it would be a good idea to use everywhere. Again and again.

This was one of those films that I had wanted to see when it originally came out but never got around to. I’m glad now I didn’t waste money to see it in the theater…

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My Guilty Culinary Pleasure

Yup. Cottage cheese and potato chips.

When I was a wee thing, my parents could not get me to eat cottage cheese. Yeah, it’s healthy and all that, but it was just so…bland. Then they stumbled upon giving it to me on a potato chip. SOLD!

From that point on, it’s been my guilty culinary pleasure. Ben thinks it’s disgusting, but it’s healthier than chips and that in-a-jar dip we had been getting. The cottage cheese is very low carb, and the combination of the creamy smoothness of the cottage cheese with the crisp saltiness of the chips is what makes it work so well.

I used to think that liking this was my own personal quirk, but a quick Google search has confirmed that I’m not alone.

As much as I love the chips, I need to keep an eye on my carbs, so next time I get the urge I’ll try it with some whole grain crackers instead, to make it an really healthy snack…

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And the Cylons Have a Plan

Seditious, treasonous pigs, all of them.

From AMERICAblog:

A little known video, before this weekend, has started to go viral as it shows how the House Republicans altered the US House standing rules on October 1, 2013 in order to ensure that the federal government would be shut down, and stay shut down.

It’s pretty arcane stuff, but awfully important.

Basically, the House Republicans changed the House rules on October 1 to ensure that House members could not call up the Senate bill that would have kept the government open. Had the rules not been changed, any member, Democrat or Republican, could have called the Senate bill up, and there very likely may have been enough Democrats and Republicans to pass it and keep the government open.

So US House Speaker John Boehner, a Republican, changed the rules of the entire House of Representatives in order to ensure that the entire federal government be shut down in order to force the defunding of Obamacare.

Here’s Democratic Cong. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland, asking Republican Jason Chaffetz about the rule change:

Van Hollen: H. Res. 368 changed the standing rules of the House to take away from any member of the House the privilege of calling up the Senate bill to immediately reopen the government, is that right?

Chaffetz: It did change the operation of the standing rule.

It seems that Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, and their racist Tea Party brethren were protesting at the wrong building this weekend when they went to the White House to complain about the shutdown – a shutdown that Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz and the Tea Party supported and helped orchestrate.

And now we have the ultimate proof that the entire shutdown was the handiwork of the Tea Party controlled House Republicans. They wanted to ensure that even if the votes were there, no one would be able to reopen the government. Amazing.

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God Angrily Clarifies Do Not Kill Rule

NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

“Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”

Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called “an unending cycle of violence.”

“I don’t care how holy somebody claims to be,” God said. “If a person tells you it’s My will that they kill someone, they’re wrong. Got it? I don’t care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else’s, ever again.”

The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe.

“I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you’d get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important,” said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. “I guess I figured I’d left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?”
“But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody’s spouting off some nonsense about, ‘God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it’s God’s will,'” God continued. “It’s not God’s will, all right? News flash: ‘God’s will’ equals ‘Don’t murder people.'”

Worse yet, many of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur’an.

“To be honest, there’s some contradictory stuff in there, okay?” God said. “So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it’s God’s will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall.” God praised the overwhelming majority of His Muslim followers as “wonderful, pious people,” calling the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks rare exceptions.

“This whole medieval concept of the jihad, or holy war, had all but vanished from the Muslim world in, like, the 10th century, and with good reason,” God said. “There’s no such thing as a holy war, only unholy ones. The vast majority of Muslims in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists, just like the vast majority of Christians in America are pissed off over those two bigots on The 700 Club.”

Continued God, “Read the book: ‘Allah is kind, Allah is beautiful, Allah is merciful.’ It goes on and on that way, page after page. But, no, some assholes have to come along and revive this stupid holy-war crap just to further their own hateful agenda. So now, everybody thinks Muslims are all murderous barbarians. Thanks, Taliban: 1,000 years of pan-Islamic cultural progress down the drain.”

God stressed that His remarks were not directed exclusively at Islamic extremists, but rather at anyone whose ideological zealotry overrides his or her ability to comprehend the core message of all world religions.

“I don’t care what faith you are, everybody’s been making this same mistake since the dawn of time,” God said. “The Muslims massacre the Hindus, the Hindus massacre the Muslims. The Buddhists, everybody massacres the Buddhists. The Jews, don’t even get me started on the hard-line, right-wing, Meir Kahane-loving Israeli nationalists, man. And the Christians? You people believe in a Messiah who says, ‘Turn the other cheek,’ but you’ve been killing everybody you can get your hands on since the Crusades.”

Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: “Can’t you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism… every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you’re supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It’s not that hard a concept to grasp.”

“Why would you think I’d want anything else? Humans don’t need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other—you’ve been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!” God said. “The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get? I’m talking to all of you, here!” continued God, His voice rising to a shout. “Do you hear Me? I don’t want you to kill anybody. I’m against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don’t kill each other anymore—ever! I’m fucking serious!”

Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God’s shoulders began to shake, and He wept.

(Source)

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Every Day I Wake Up, Look Over…

…and silently thank the gods that I have Ben in my life.

Five years ago the absolute last thing I expected in my life was a relationship—even though just prior to meeting Ben I had told the universe (or whoever/whatever was listening) that after a lifetime of less-than-successful attempts at coupling and a dozen or so years of being very, very single, I was ready to love again. I had run that line through my head many times before, but this time it was different; this time I felt it in the very fiber of my being. Even with that being said, in my wildest fantasies, I could not have even imagined the awesomeness that was about to enter my life—much less that I would be legally married five years later.

Sure, this past year has been difficult on us for a variety of reasons, but it’s never strained our bond and through it all we’ve always been there for each other. As I lay there this morning watching Ben sleep, I was once again struck at how—and I hate to use the word because of its religious connotations, but nothing else springs to mind to describe it—blessed I am that we’re together.

 

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