Shitposting since 2005
“The problem—often not discovered until late in life—is that when you look for things like love, meaning, motivation, it implies that they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people recognize that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, and they generate their own emotion.” ~ Neil deGrassi Tyson
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So all the usual suspects are foaming at the mouth because of Obama’s endorsement of marriage equality.
Quelle surprise. BREAKING: the sun rises in the east.
At least for me, all their yammering on about the sanctity of marriage is simply becoming so much background noise. While Obama has yet to do anything concrete to back up his supposed “evolution” on the matter, it still feels like a seismic shift has occurred in the American psyche. As I said to a coworker today, “The dam has burst, and there’s no turning back.”
After what happened in North Carolina on Tuesday, Obama’s announcement was nothing less than a thing of beauty and a very stiff middle finger pointed straight in their direction.
But what I really don’t understand—and maybe I really shouldn’t waste any more brain power because of the inherent stupidity associated with it—is why all these knuckle-dragging Christofascists are so upset that it’s happening. I mean, if they take it as a sign of the imminent arrival of their beloved “End Times” (“Ooh Santa is coming tonight!) why aren’t they embracing it? Don’t they want their invisible sky fairy to finally descend from the heavens, reveal himself to all the unbelievers and condemn the Atheists, gays, abortionists, Muslims, yada, yada, (basically anyone who isn’t them), to eternal damnation and never-ending hellfire so they can stand there smugly with their arms crossed and say, “I told you so!”?
Is it maybe because in their shriveled little black hate-filled hearts, while they have no doubts whatsoever about the existence of hell and the righteous judgment of unrepentant sinners, they do have doubts that maybe—just maybe—their names won’t be found written in the desired column on Jeebus’s Big List of Naughty and Nice®?
Let’s face it: we’re human. Who among us hasn’t done something we shouldn’t have. Show me someone who claims that he’s never lied and I’ll show you a liar. (The same goes for masturbation.) And the ones who are always screaming most loudly about GAWWWWD are the ones bathing in champagne and pissing out their penthouse windows on the masses below.
Wasn’t it their very own Lord and Savior® himself who supposedly said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?”
I’ve thought about this probably more than I should have, and this is the only explanation I can come up with. They have that one little bit of doubt about their own worthiness to enter the Magic Kingdom that’s bouncing around in their empty skulls, and basically, deep down, they’re scared shitless.
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Well-known hate group leader Tony Perkins hopes Dan Savage will see the light and embrace Christ as his Savior. He even prays for it.
“I would put out this challenge to folks who are listening: to put Dan Savage on the top of your prayer list and pray for him because I believe he has the potential to be a modern day Saul of Tarsus. I mean, just think if the Lord got a hold of his heart and changed him and turned him from persecuting Christians to being an advocate of Christianity and morality, what a huge impact that would have. So don’t get angry at Dan Savage; he’s doing what people do when they’re lost. Pray for him that he would see the light, be blinded by the light, and come to know Christ as his personal savior.”
Dan responds:
“Oh, Tony. If quoting their own scriptures to Christians amounts to ‘persecuting Christians,’ then every Baptist minister in the country is guilty of persecuting Christians. And Saul of Tarsus? That would be Paul, of course, author of huge chunks of the New Testament and the creep responsible for its most misogynistic and homophobic bits. (Jesus didn’t say anything about homosexuality, and Jesus never asked his mother or Mary Magdalene to ‘keep silent.’)
“Paul was a tortured closet case, which is the kind of Christian I would have to be to meet with the approval of someone like Tony Perkins. You know, a Christian in the style of Marcus Bachmann or Ted Haggard or Benedict XVI. And let’s not forget what ‘I’ll pray for you’ means someone like Perkins says it:
“Everyone knows, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ is how Baptists say, ‘Fuck you.’
“Fuck you too, Tony”
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There you sit this morning North Carolina, all smug and self-satisfied in your hate, no doubt believing in your little heart-of-hearts that it was God’s will that you mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging assholes enshrined discrimination in your state law. But I’ve got news for you: you were on the wrong side of history when you outlawed interracial marriage, and you’re on the wrong side of history AGAIN.
The more I think about this, the more livid I become. I’m not sure why, because other states have passed similar laws. Maybe it’s because your state—whose motto should now be changed from “FIRST IN FLIGHT” to “FIRST IN HATE”—was a necessary tipping point to open eyes and get the masses’ blood boiling.
And despite your unwavering belief that you’re doing the Lord’s work (who NEVER said a word about homosexuality, by the way) I have a feeling, that this is going to come back and bite you in your shriveled, black, hate-filled hearts. More than 50% of Americans polled are now in favor of marriage equality. Major corporations, sensing the tide of public opinion, are increasingly coming on board and providing the same benefits to same-sex partners as they do to the rest of their married employees.
Your vote was a slap in the face to that, and I sincerely hope that every GLBT person and their supporters (including businesses) leave your state and let it free-fall back into the middle ages. Have you not seen what happened in Georgia with their stance against so-called “illegal” (i.e. brown-skinned) migrant workers? Crops are rotting in the fields. North Carolina deserves no less.
I spotted this in the comments section at Joe.My.God. this morning, and I couldn’t have said it better.
NORTH CAROLINA
HATES
FAGS
We get it…you hate us…you really, really hate us.
Which, of course, is what all these “protect marriage” amendments are about. You’re not protecting anything, you’re just preventing a small group of people that you hate from entering into your “exclusive” marriage club lest we sully it (GOD FORBID…we should swim in your pool…you’d have to drain it). Now, if y’all really had the courage of your convictions you’d make homosexuality itself in North Carolina a crime, punishable by death just like it says in the Bible (let’s run that up the flag pole and see how it flies…I bet it would pass or come damn close). But, of course, you don’t have that kind of courage because y’all are nothing but a bunch of bullies and cowards, as your state’s racist history would attest.
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North Carolina doesn’t look much different today then it did back then does it?
Still ignorant, inbred and on the wrong side of history.
I hope businesses flee the state en masse now that discrimination has once again been enshrined in state law.
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Surrounded by stupid. Literally.
Even before I got on the freeway, my morning commute consisted of:
When I got to I-25, southbound—the direction I was going of course—it was at a complete standstill. The overhead sign was flashing, “CRASH AT HAMPDEN. EXPECT DELAYS.”
A crash? In Denver? Impossible!
Half an hour later, when I finally got to Hampden, there were two cars (minor damage) and a highway patrol cruiser at the side of the road. THIS is what backed up traffic for at least two and a half miles because everyone (all five lanes) apparently had to slow down and look at it. “Ooh are there bloody, mangled bodies in the road? Decapitations? I WANNA SEE!”
And because of this I was late to work. Guess I’ll be taking a fifteen minute lunch today.
If that weren’t enough, I have yet another meeting scheduled with our absolutely clueless COO this morning…right after we had an I.S. meeting with her yesterday afternoon.
FML.
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…I am forced to unpack another piece of cheap plastic crap from Dell at work, I am reminded how Dell is not—and will never be—Apple. Dell equipment arrives in standard brown corrugated cardboard boxes with dozens of twist ties and styrofoam inserts that shed bits of themselves all over everything the minute they’re removed. Compare that to the simple, elegant beauty of Apple’s packaging.
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…is why I stopped going to gay pride parades.
I ran across almost this exact scene one parade day during my time in San Francisco. While I know a lot of my readers may disagree, in my opinion this shit unequivocally crosses the line. I’m certainly no prude—or a stranger to public sex—but it’s one thing to be getting your groove on with a handsome stranger deep in the bushes at Golden Gate Park or in a secluded hamlet on the beach, but it’s quite something else to be doing it out on a public sidewalk on Market Street.
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Like I was overdue.
Am I the only one who finds the recent resurgence of animated gifs (thanks in no small part to Tumblr) horrific? Especially when applied to porn?
I thought this format rightfully died and went to cyber hell in the 90s. I don’t mind it in small does (I’ve posted some on this blog), but now it seems it’s everywhere, 24/7 all day every day!
STOP IT.
And while we’re on the subject of porn, why does so much gay porn remind me more of a gymnastics competition than sex?
Another pet peeve (and it’s not just limited to porn) is the overexposed effect:
I look at this and think, “Someone doesn’t know how to use a camera,” and “That would’ve been an awesome shot. Too bad he fucked it up.”
And don’t even get me started on bareback porn. Seriously guys? Have you not learned anything in the last 30 years? Or do you stupid, irresponsible, selfish fucks (and I’m referring to the producers and actors in this crap) just have a death wish?
Maybe I’m just getting old and cranky.
“You there! GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!”
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…has this man not yet been shirtless on Fairly Legal? Inquiring minds want—nay, demand—to know!
I mean seriously, USA Network. What’s your excuse?
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I miss buying books. Once upon a time, I was a voracious reader and a huge amount of my disposable income went to building my personal library. Books were gleefully given and gratefully received as gifts. My interests were (and remain) all over the map, and my library reflected that.
But somewhere along the way, the Internet appeared, and my book buying slowed and then all but stopped. Printed matter seemed to become increasingly—irrelevant—in this age of instant gratification, especially where reference and non-fiction material are concerned since more current information is always available online. Fiction is another matter, but even there I will sooner buy a digital copy and read it on my computer than purchase a physical book. Ben and I still visit bookstores, but it’s rare that I actually walk out with anything.
Another problem, no doubt an unfortunate side effect of our internet obsession—or maybe it’s just another one of those “joys” of growing older—is that I just don’t have the patience or attention span I once did to sit down and actually read at length. And it’s not just books; the same goes for blog posts; if you’ve written more than three or four screens, you can forget about me reading any further, no matter how interested I may be in the subject matter.
Another issue is that I’m at that point in life where I need reading glasses (or, in my case, a monocular contact lens arrangement) in order to focus on anything at reading distance. The one-lens-for-reading, one-lens-for-distance contacts thing, while convenient (since I don’t have to carry reading glasses with me everywhere I go), has never been completely satisfactory. It allows me to function, but it’s next to useless for actually reading anything on paper, except under very bright light. (That’s probably why I prefer reading on a computer display.)
A few weeks ago Ben and I finally made a pilgrimage to the Denver Public Library. It was a great experience; the building smelled almost exactly the same as the University of Arizona Main Library, and I would’ve loved to have spent the day exploring. But at the same time I kept thinking, “There’s really nothing here I want to bring home; anything I might need will be online somewhere.”
Is this sad, or what?
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“The good things don’t always soften the bad things but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things, or make them unimportant” ~ The Eleventh Doctor
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“You lie awake at night worrying about what will disrupt your business model. Apple iMessage is a classic example. If you’re using iMessage, you’re not using one of our messaging services, right? That’s disruptive to our messaging revenue stream.” ~ AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson
Maybe you just need to start charging the government more for wiretapping our electronic communications without warrants, Douchebag.
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