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Fucktacular!

From Jeff Tiedrich:

want to construct a clusterfuck? it’s easy.

start with the smoking rubble of a burned-out brain in steep cognitive decline. add a dollop of acute megalomania. pour in a generous amount of greed. now add the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel. toss in some ignorance, along with the inability to learn from mistakes, or even admit that mistakes were made.

now take that shitpile of defects, shake well, and bingo! you’ve ended up with Donny Convict’s completely incoherent tariff policies.

on February 2nd, Donny announced he was slapping a 25% tariff on all Canadian and Mexican imports. markets crashed — the Dow dropped 600 points in one day.

the very next day, Donny announced that he was putting a month-long hold on the tariffs, because both Canada and Mexico agreed to his list of demands. the markets calmed down.

but then out of the clear blue, Donny was all fuck it, ima do these tariffs anyway — starting tomorrow. have fun!

markets freaked out all over again. so did business leaders.

Fox Business interviewed the owner of a Pennsylvania auto dealership. the poor schnook is at his wit’s end over what’s happening.

“I had an order from a customer. $80,000 truck. it’s a hundred thousand dollars now. so he’s not gonna buy the truck. it’s gonna sit on my lot. and you know, the higher interest rates we’re paying now for floor space. and nobody’s going to buy the truck, because it just had a twenty thousand dollar price increase.”

and then, yesterday —

Donald Trump has temporarily spared carmakers from sweeping US tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico, one day after an economic strike on the US’s two biggest trading partners sparked warnings of widespread price increases and disruption.

After a call with top executives at General Motors, Ford and Stellantis, however, Trump approved a one-month exemption from tariffs on “any autos coming through” the US, Mexico and Canada, the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, announced on Wednesday.

The exemption has been granted “at the request of the companies,” Leavitt told reporters, “so they are not at an economic disadvantage.”

so, Mister Car Dealer no longer has to worry about that truck that was going to be sitting on his lot, taking up space. how convenient.

Donny’s reckless tariffs impacts all industries — so why did he choose to cut the auto industry some slack? because they’re big, powerful fat cats who can be relied on to shovel money into Donny’s pockets.

that’s the way it’s gonna be from now on. the plutocrats with the scratch — the corner-office honchos who can plunk down five mil for private dinners with Dear Leader at Motel-a-Lago — they’re going to get all kinds of special carve-outs to Donny’s tariffs. one hand washes the other.

he little guys who can’t afford to pay-for-play — the ones who don’t have Donny on speed dial — well, they’re going to be cordially invited, as always, to go fuck themselves raw.

mind you, Canada isn’t taking any of this fuckery lying down.

if you’re a Canadian right now with a hankering for some California wine, or Kentucky bourbon, forget about it. that shit’s been taken off the shelves.

The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), one of the largest buyers of alcohol in the world, removed US-made alcoholic drinks from its shelves on Tuesday.

don’t fuck with Canada. they’re not playing around — and the Canadian public thinks this shit’s hilarious.

US distilleries are less than thrilled.

March 5 (Reuters) – Jack Daniel’s maker Brown-Forman’s (BFb.N), CEO Lawson Whiting said on Wednesday Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was “worse than a tariff” and a “disproportionate response” to levies imposed by the Trump administration.

reporter: “respectfully, It’s just 43 pounds that were found last year. that’s less than a carry-on suitcase. is that a lot of fentanyl compared to, say, Mexico? the vast majority of fentanyl is brought in though Mexico, not Canada. so what else does Canada need to do?”

Karoline Leavitt: “last year alone, there was a 2000% increase in illegal fentanyl.”

Reporter: “it was only 43 pounds, Karoline.”

that’s a verifiable fact — but Donny and his toadies are going to keep pretending otherwise.

Leavitt, by the way, was not pleased about being fact-checked by a reporter doing his job. check out her totally mature reaction.

You’re asking me for what the president’s justification is for these tariffs. It’s not up to you. You’re not the president, Gabe!” Leavitt snapped.

“And frankly, I think it’s a little bit disrespect-ul [sic] to the families in this country that have lost loved ones at the hands of this deadly poison.

hissy much, Karoline?

and oh look, Team Donny has invented a whole new reason to be mad at Canada.

when last we saw Peter Navarro, he was being mocked mercilessly by the legendary Anarchy Princess while on his way to prison for contempt of Congress

well, Big Pete’s done his time. he’s back in Donny’s good graces and has an office at the White House.

here he is, dropping a whole new truth bomb on Fox News, with his unique blend of ignorance and arrogance.

“Canada has been taken over by Mexican cartels.”

don’t you love how these bold-face fucksticks just keep piling fantastical new lies on top of the old lies?

Peter, are these Mexican cartels in the room with us right now? no, they’re not—because apparently they’re right inside Justin Trudeau’s office—much in the same way the Space Nazi shares the Oval Office with Donny.

for all we know, there’s probably the son of some drug lord, right now, wiping his snots all over Canada’s version of the Resolute Desk.

so, for those of you keeping score at home,

— we have to take over Canada because it’s being run by Mexico.
— we have to take over Panama because it’s being run by China.
— we have to take over Greenland because it’s being run by … fuck it, who cares. we’re gonna invade them anyway.
— and the one country that really does need our protection because they’ve been attacked by Russia, they can go eat an entire bag of dicks, because Zelensky was very mean to Dear Leader.

here are your heroes of the day.

when some DOGE dipshits showed up at the headquarters of the U.S. African Development Foundation (a division of USAID) and demanded to be let in, staffers working there were all yeah, you pimply teenage incels can fuck all the way off.

thank you, USADF, for showing everyone how it’s done.

 

 

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Gorgeous!

Not mine, but I have my eye out for one in this color for sure! Sony sure loved their orange. And apparently so did a whole lot of other manufacturers back in the day…

 

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The Orange Felon Shits The Bed And Republicans Roll Around In It

From Jeff Tiedrich:

the entire world was rightly horrified when Donny Convict and Couchfuck McGee ambushed and gang-assaulted Volodymyr Zelensky in the White House on live TV.

leaders rushed to put out statements. Justin Trudeau was unequivocal: “Russia illegally and unjustifiably invaded Ukraine.” check out our boy Emmanuel Macron: “there is an aggressor: Russia. there is a victim: Ukraine.” here’s Germany’s Friedrich Merz: “we stand with #Ukraine in good and in testing times. we must never confuse aggressor and victim in this terrible war.”

Republicans, however, apparently live in some shit-show alternate reality where up is down, black is white, and stabbing our allies in the back is some supreme act of statesmanship.

the chittering squirrels on Fox & Friends were actually ready to hand Dear Leader a Nobel Peace Prize.

I shit you not.

“this was about peace, ultimately. there’s a lot of drama and we can break down everybody’s feelings, but in the end, I think what’s remarkable is that we have a president who’s willing to do anything to bring about world peace. man, if he doesn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize, that thing means nothing.”

pro tip for Fox News: it’s called the Nobel Peace Prize, not the George Orwell War is Peace Prize. they don’t hand it out to reckless fuckfaces who betray our allies.

now let’s talk about that spineless little weasel, Marco Rubio. check out the look on his face as he witnesses a foreign policy disaster taking place. he knows what he’s watching.

he’s fucking appalled. he’s trying to Homer Simpson himself into that couch.

any Secretary of State with an ounce of self-respect would have resigned in protest after that debacle. but not Liddle Marco. the very first thing he did was to log onto Elon’s Nazi Bar and slobber all over Dear Leader’s ass.

“Thank you @POTUS for standing up for America in a way that no President has ever had the courage to do before. Thank you for putting America First. America is with you!”

Jesus H. Christ, Marco. obsequious much? were they holding your family hostage, and forcing you to tweet that? blink twice if you’re okay, bro.

Marco’s next move was to go on CNN and demand that Zelensky apologize to Donny, because — get this — “Trump is a great businessman and knows how to get deals done.”

free clue for Marco Rubio: “great businessman” is a character Donny played on a game show. in real life, Donny is an incompetent stumblefuck who went broke running casinos.

so, what was Zelensky’s unforgivable crime, according to Team Donny?

this: he wasn’t thankful enough. the ingrate, after all we’ve done for him!

CNN responded by showing Rubio clips of the many, many times Zelensky has thanked the United States for their support.

Rubio countered with well, he hasn’t said it today.

oh, please. Zelensky isn’t a member of Donny’s cabinet. he isn’t required to take part in the humiliating ritual where everyone goes around the table and thanks God for Dear Leader’s very existence.

and excuse me, but what the fuck should Zelensky be thanking Donny for? Donny’s done jack shit for Ukraine. Donny has sided with Russia every step of the way. and we all seem to have forgotten that Donny got impeached for trying to extort Zelensky by threatening to hold up arms shipments until Ukraine announced a fake investigation into Joe Biden. thanks, Donny. thank you so much. you’re amazing. we’re all in your debt.

I know I keep saying this, but it will never stop being true: every Democrat who voted to confirm Rubio because he seemed like the most-normal of Donny’s sewer clowns can go fuck themselves forever.

here’s another profile in courage: professional pearl-clutcher Lindsey Graham. look at Mister Excitable, he’s worked himself into a ginormous fucking hissy.

“somebody asked me, am I embarrassed about Trump? I have never been more proud of the President. I was very proud of JD Vance standing up for our country. we want to be helpful. what I saw in the Oval Office was disrespectful, and I don’t know if we can ever do business with Zelensky again. I think most Americans saw a guy that they don’t want to go into business with.”

good lord, the kompromat they have on Old Linz must be stunning. I’ll bet it would melt your eyeballs.

by the way, I’m not the only one saying Rubio should resign.

fuck you, Marco Rubio, for putting me on the same side of an issue as John Bolton.

meanwhile, here’s some fallout from Donny’s Ukraine backstabbery.

One of Norway’s largest marine fuel companies just announced that they will no longer refuel US Navy vessels after Trump’s treatment of Zelenskyy. “It made us sick… We encourage all Norwegians and Europeans to follow our example.”

oh, great. we’re a world pariah now. ace job, Donny. what a good boy you are. maybe you should reward yourself with some golf.

oops, looks like Donny’s way ahead of me. the lazy fuck is already down at Motel-a-Lago this weekend, driving his golf cart right up onto the green.

here are your heroes of the day: the good people of Waitsfield, Vermont.

the New York Post is having a Big Sad right now because Couchfuck McGee’s weekend ski vacation isn’t going as planned.

Vice President JD Vance was met with hundreds of pro-Ukraine protesters while visiting a Vermont ski resort on Saturday, following his public dust up with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky in the White House.

Vance and his family, on a trip to Sugarbush Resort, were greeted by the outraged protesters lining the snow-covered streets of the small Vermont town of Waitsfield.

Protestors displayed signs that labeled Vance a “national disgrace,” accused him of being a “traitor” and encouraged the family to “go ski in Russia.”

The vice president planned on staying at a four-star inn near the resort — but scrapped those plans and moved to an undisclosed location after seeing the intensity of the protesters.

boo fucking hoo.

fuck around, find out. it’s what’s for breakfast.

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