Category: Work

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Really Bitch?

I've been doing this job for enough years to know there are a dozen users in any organization who generate 90% of the tickets and are such pains in the ass that you want to take a 2×4 to their smirking faces whenever you have to interact with them. The guy who submitted the ticket above is new to the department, having transferred over from a different division about a month ago. He came in, strutting like royalty, expecting all the little people to willingly bend over and spread their cheeks for him. (He is not management, or even anything remotely worthy of a "VIP" designation.)

It's been one thing after another, and yesterday morning when I arrived at the office I was greeted by not one, but five tickets from this asshole—but this one took the cake.

First off, we no longer provide docking stations for remote workers. We did during COVID when everyone was working from home and had their entire office setups at home, but those days are long over and official policy now is that no one gets a dock for use at home—no matter who they think they are or how much they whine.

Secondly, it's not our fault that you have your personal equipment locked away in an inaccessible cabinet. Sucks to be you, dude.

And lastly—and what caused me to give this to my senior colleague to respond to—was Mr. Shit-Don't-Stink pointing out a spelling error in the online form.

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Those GUNS…

Meet Mike, my latest YouTube obsession… for obvious reasons. (And he can be spotted sporting a rainbow Apple Watch face in nearly all of his videos!)

Actually, his videos remind me of the very unpleasant history of early PCs that launched me on my career trajectory those many years ago. Looking back, it truly was stone knives and bear skins in comparison to today. MFM, RLL, selecting IRQs, terminating resistors; the crap we had to deal with! But at least we were treated like gods—or at least like first responders—for understanding how it all worked and getting the shit working again when it stopped.

Now it seems we're viewed as just janitors, cleaning up everyone else's mess because they're too intellectually lazy to even try and figure anything out on their own.

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So I'm in Class All Week…

Elphaba has a hard-on for certifications, professional development, and "advancing your career."

I am 18 months from retirement. I don't give a shit about certifications, professional development, and advancing my career. My only professional goal at this point is keeping my head down, doing my job, getting vested for my retirement account, and getting the fuck out of this place at the end of January 2025.

The last time I had a one-on-one with her (thankfully, something I will never have to do again), I pointed out that I was retiring and therefore additional training for "career bulding" would be money ill-spent. She wasn't having a bit of it. "I expect everyone under me to attend two training classes per year."

Okay, I decided I wanted to take Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator classes. They aren't applications I use professionally, but we do support those users who do use them.

DENIED. "Not job related."

So this week I find myself in an online Sharepoint class. My boss called this "a learning vacation."

I will readily admit that I do not understand Sharepoint. I had some company-provided training prior to COVID and WFH lockdown that allowed me to handle the few requests for minor changes that came in, but since we've been back in the office the entire infrastructure was changed and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing any more. Add to that the fact that I simply don't care about any of this shit.

Bad attitude? You betcha!

As if to add insult to injury, I don't have rights to do anything in Sharepoint any more anyway. I've pointed this out several times to the people that have the power to do something about it, but—like getting a company cell phone because the greeting on my personal cell was deemed "unprofessional"—nothing ever gets resolved. So any tickets that come in that involve Sharepoint changes get ignored until someone else picks them up.

It's going to be a long week. But at least I'm not in the office.

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Fuck This Bitch

    • Jamie Dimon thinks remote work doesn't cut it for all roles.
    • The JPMorgan CEO said he understands why an employee may not want to spend time on a long commute.
    • But it "doesn't mean they need to have a job there either," he told The Economist in an interview.

This, we know: JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon is an outspoken advocate of the return to office movement. He has held his stance, despite pushback from his staffers.

He is now doubling down on his stance against remote work, saying employees can take up another job if they don't like the commute.

"I completely understand why someone doesn't want to commute an hour and a half every day, totally got it. Doesn't mean they have to have a job here either," Dimon told The Economist in a wide-ranging interview released Tuesday.

Dimon told the publication that some roles at JPMorgan can be hybrid or remote, but such arrangements just do not cut it for some positions.

"It doesn't work for younger kids in apprenticeships, it doesn't really work for creativity and spontaneity, it doesn't really work for management teams," he told The Economist.

"There are real flaws," he added.

Dimon told the media outlet he wasn't opposed to remote work if it works, but he doesn't mind getting rid of it if it doesn't work.

"We're not going to make that decision because we're pandering to employees — that is not the way to build a great company," he said.

He is particularly opposed to those in leadership roles not being around in the office.

"I don't know how you can be a leader and not be completely accessible to your people. I do not believe you can be a leader and not be accessible to your people," he told The Economist.

In January, he told CNBC in an interview that while remote work can work for jobs like coding, those in research, and women in caregiving roles, the arrangement doesn't apply to all roles.

Dimon's comments came amid a furious debate about the future of remote work as the world exits from the COVID-19 pandemic.

The future of where and how employees work could have a huge impact on the economy, including in the real-estate sector.

Lower demand for office space due to remote work could wipe out $800 billion real-estate value across major cities globally, according to a McKinsey report released on Thursday.

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If Only…

As an aside, we always knew when a "talent upgrade" (i.e. mass layoff) was going to happen at DISH because there would be no parking spots left in the lot. I guess laying off a hundred people was cheaper than expanding the lot.

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And if you've spent any time at all in the /r/antiwork sub of Reddit, you know this is true.