Month: April 2016

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We Are The Aliens

Stop and think about that for a minute.  We are the aliens to any other planetary civilizations in our glittering night skies. Keeping that in mind, is our behavior toward our fellow human beings really something we'd like to be projecting outward to potential galactic neighbors?

Human beings are killing each other over skin color and god myths, and have been for most of our history. God myths! Is it any wonder we haven't heard from anyone out there? If we can't even accept each other's differences, how the hell would anyone who might be listening in and aware of our existence—no doubt beings far different than us—expect to be welcomed here with open arms? Is our brutality toward each other really the first impression we want to put forward?

Unfortunately it's too late to change that. As the old axiom goes, "You're never given a second chance to make a first impression," and our planet's first impression consisted of Nazi Propaganda…

I'm sure—based on statistical probability alone—that the universe is teeming with what we would immediately recognize as intelligent life. But based on the radio and television signals that have spread out from our planet to a radius of eighty light years or so, I'm not surprised in the least that we haven't heard a word back from anyone—much less had the proverbial flying saucer land on the White House lawn. I mean, would you want to make contact with a group of beings who have so little respect for their fellow creatures or their planet that it borders on insanity?

For all we know, there are galactic marker buoys surrounding our solar system warning potential visitors to avoid the third planet at all cost.

The older I get, the more convinced I am that human beings, despite all our science and technological innovations over the past five hundred years or so are aware of only a very, very small part of what is actually going on in this thing we label reality. Further, I also believe that at this stage in our evolution, if we were shown what truly lies behind the proverbial curtain, the our species would suffer a collective psychotic break…

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Eye Opening

Working in the "public sector" for the first time in my life has been an eye-opening experience.

Shortly after arriving in Phoenix last July, I had the opportunity to interview with this agency for a desktop support position. They were beginning the process of rolling out Windows 10 to around 1500 users and while I would not be the one doing the actual deployments, I would be doing post-deployment cleanup work. While I didn't yet have any direct Windows 10 experience, it was still one of those interviews where you walk away thinking you've aced it and expected to receive an offer by the time you got home, but nothing ever came of it. "They decided to go with a different candidate, but you were their second choice."

Second choice does not pay the bills.

A couple months later the same recruiter sent me back to interview with the same agency (and same people within the agency) for a Service Desk position, supporting the increase in calls that were anticipated once the Windows 10 project was in full swing. (It still hadn't started.) I felt this interview hadn't gone as well as the previous one, so it was no surprise when the recruiter called a few days later to say they'd chosen someone else. That was fine; I really had no desire to work on a Help Desk anyway—much preferring to be hands-on with my users. That is, after all, how you form bonds with your customers and oftentimes come out of it with lifelong friends.

You can imagine my surprise when I got a call from this same recruiter shortly after the first of the year, asking if I'd like to interview with this agency again, this time for an "Imaging Specialist" position. It was for substantially less money than the other two positions and my initial thought was, "Oh hell no!" but since my unemployment benefits from Colorado were about three weeks away running out completely I said, "Sure. Why not? Maybe the third time's the charm."

As I reported back in January, after one of the most disastrous interviews I've had since being back in Phoenix, they hired me.

And what exactly does an "Imaging Specialist" do? In the simplest terms, they load software images (snapshots of entire systems with everything preconfigured) onto PCs. This is a relatively quick way of loading the OS and various applications onto the computers without actually having to run through the manual install process each time.

This position wasn't for something new they had in the works. It was for the same huge project that the agency initially told me about back in July that still hadn't gotten off the ground. They had originally contracted with an outside firm to supply the hardware and apply the agency's custom software images to the machines. But during the six months that transpired from my initial interview and the time I came on board in February, said company had succeeded in deploying approximately one dozen of the fifteen hundred machines.

Needless to say their contract was terminated, and the entire process was brought in-house.

Unfortunately, the in-house crew that was hastily assembled from former Service Desk staff had only one person on board who had any experience with the Microsoft Deployment Tool. (The application that was used for building and deploying these software images.) Perhaps anticipating the shit storm approaching, he hastily gave my boss approximately eight hours of training before transferring his ass to a different department.

Adding insult to injury, the software images that the initial outside company built for the agency didn't work; forcing them to hire a consultant from Dell to come in and fix things.

Needless to say, it's been an interesting couple months. My boss (who is new to a managerial position on top of all this) has been trying to train our Team Lead the voodoo of MDT so we can use it to reimage the older hardware in our inventory while working with the Dell consultant and the application developers to ensure that those images also work properly on all hardware platforms.

When you add an extra level of bureaucratic bullshit to the mix (the process for tracking equipment at this agency is positively labyrinthine), I can only sit back and laugh at the absurdity of it all sometimes.

As I've written before, this has given me a whole new appreciation for what the Enterprise Desktop Management team at DISH does so flawlessly on a daily basis.

I'm happy to report now however that all the kinks seem to have been worked out. The Dell consultant has gone home and we're ready to actually begin the project I was hired on for; that is, loading the software images on those 1500 machines so the techs can deploy them.

(My boss has also been so impressed with what I've been doing on a day to day basis that he's lobbying his supervisor to hire me full time. I'm fine with this, as I like the people I work with, the commute is a breeze, and it would also come with a substantial increase in pay—close to what I was making before we moved to Denver.)

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A Guide to Christian Clichés and Phrases

Stolen many years ago from Unreasonable Faith and always worth reposting, especially when I'm feeling especially snarky:

"Save sex for marriage."

Translation: "If I can't have consequence-free sex, neither can you."
Acceptable Response: "I pledge myself! Give me a promise ring!"
Unacceptable Response: "So how did that work out for you?" Or, "Where exactly does the Bible say that?"

"All you need to do to go to heaven is ask Jesus into your heart."

Translation: "You're going to burn in hell if you don't say this prayer, little boy."
Acceptable Response: "Dear Jesus, thank you for coming into my heart and saving me…"
Unacceptable Response: "Dear Jesus, where in the Bible do you tell us to ask you into our hearts? That seems kind weird. And why did the ancient world think the heart was the kidney? Hello? Can you hear me? I guess this is just a one-way intercom. How can I know if you're still around if you don't say anything back? Okay, if you're really there, appear to me right now in person like you did to Paul." Or, "What exactly does Jesus do in my blood-pumping organ?"

"Amen"

Translation: "Say 'amen' back to me!"
Acceptable Response: "Amen" or "Preach it!" combined with vigorous head nodding.
Unacceptable Response: "No!" Or, "Hmm…. That doesn't sound right."

"What can I pray for you about?"

Translation: "Any juicy tidbits about your life I can spread through the prayer gossip grapevine?"
Acceptable Response: "Thanks for asking. You're so kind. My wife is having an affair, my brother is a drunk, and my dog can't control his sexual desires."
Unacceptable Response: "Have you ever kept a prayer journal to see if you get more unanswered prayers than answered ones, or if your unasked prayers get answered just as much?"

"I'm not a racist, but…"

Translation: "I'm a racist asshole who attends an all-white church and is uncomfortable around most black people. I love racist jokes and am about to tell you a good one."
Acceptable Response: Laugher followed by telling a slightly more racist joke.
Unacceptable Response: "You're a hypocritical racist asshole."

"God is in control."

Translation: "I only believe this about overwhelming situations. The rest of the time, I believe things are up to us and I act that way."
Acceptable Response: "Amen." Sometimes followed by an anecdote about some unexplained or coincidental experience that you attribute to God.
Unacceptable Response: "If God's in control, then relax and don't do anything about it! In fact, you don't have to do anything at all ever, right? But that's not right, and people still have to do everything, so what does it mean for God to be in control and why does it matter?"

"I believe this because the Bible says so."

Translation: "I have no clue about the history of that big book I'm in love with, and I don't care either, because it's God's Word, and if God said it, it must be true."
Acceptable Response: "Amen."
Unacceptable Response: "It also says to kill homosexuals." They might heartily agree to that one, which in case the unacceptable response becomes, "It also says to kill your children when they talk back. Have your children ever talked back?" Or, "Explain to me the authorship and transmission of the Bible, and why you think it's God's Word." Or especially, "Jesus said to give anything to those who ask of you – and not only to give what they ask, but more. So please give me your wallet and your car."

"What's God doing in your life?"

Translation: "I'm getting ready to judge you."
Acceptable Response: "I'm conquering pride and lust!" Or, "Oh, Jesus, Jesus, I love Jesus my beautiful King and Savior!"
Unacceptable Response: "God's been teaching me about how much evidence there is for evolution."

"Hate the sin, love the sinner."

Translation: "I'm a flaming fundamentalist."
Acceptable Response: "Amen."
Unacceptable Response: "That's a relief, because I'm a homosexual transvestite in an interracial relationship."

"We're in the end times."

Translation: "My pastor said we're living in the end times."
Acceptable Response: "God will punish America for our sins!" Or, "America isn't mentioned in the Bible because we're going to crumble soon!"
Unacceptable Response: "Did you know that out of the millions of times Christians have claimed this throughout history, they've always been wrong?" Or, "If you're so confident, I'm sure you'll be confident in putting some significant money towards a bet on that."

"He is risen!"

Translation: "It's Easter! Let's eat!"
Acceptable Response: "He is risen indeed!"
Unacceptable Response: "Where? I don't see him." Or, "Do you have any evidence for that statement?" Or especially, "Like yeast?"

"Jesus loves you."

Translation: "Jesus does, but I don't."
Acceptable Response: "Amen."
Unacceptable Response: "If that were true, why doesn't he tell me himself?"

"Do you know where you're going to go after you die?"

Translation: "This is the question they told me to ask in my evangelism class."
Acceptable Response: "To heaven to see my sweet, precious Savior!"
Unacceptable Response: "How can you know that before you're actually dead?"

"What would you say if you stood before God after you die?"

Translation: "I've got you now, sinner!"
Acceptable Response: "Please forgive me! I was so fracking stupid! How blind of me not to see you in everything you created!"
Possibly Acceptable Response: "Oops."
Unacceptable Response: "If you wanted me to believe in you, why didn't you show some kind of evidence? Why create everything through the painful process of evolution? Why did you let your creation suffer through hunger, neglect, disease, and war? Why incarnate yourself and then commit deicide/suicide? Why were you so bloodthirsty in the early years? If you're God, you're not a very good one." Or, "Which one?"

"Thank you Jesus!"

Translation: "It's easier to thank Jesus than the people who deserve it."
Acceptable Response: "Amen!"
Unacceptable Response: "I'm not Jesus." Or, "You're welcome."

"Have you found Jesus?"

Translation: "Are you also a Jesus-lover, or must I convert you?"
Acceptable Response: "I've been walking with the Lord since I was two years old, Praise Gawd!"
Unacceptable Response: "I didn't know he was missing."

"I'll pray for you"

Translation: "This conversation is over. My mind exploded." Or, "I refuse to believe you won this argument."
Acceptable Response: "Thanks, you're so kind."
Unacceptable Response: "Instead of praying, why don't you read a non-Christian book?" Or, "I'll think for you." Or especially, "Liar."

Continue reading…

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Technics SL-1300Mk2 Service

I'm reposting this from my old blog, because I just found it on the WayBack Machine and had believed it was lost forever. I know my friend John is going to have some choice words for me for putting this out there again (like he did 8 years ago) because people will fuck things up if they attempt this on their own and aren't very careful, but since he's not repairing these tables anymore they won't end up on his bench. Still…proceed AYOR.

Fully 99% of my usual readers can skip this whole post. It's some serious geek shit and I'm posting it for those who happen to be looking for this info through Google or whatever.

A few days ago my buddy John sent me a new Shure V15 type IV cartridge for my turntable. Back in the day, this was the holy grail of many audiophiles, and while I'd never owned one myself, he assured me it would sound better than my current cartridge. It was his way of saying thanks for not bidding against him on an eBay auction for a particular piece of equipment that he knew I had my sights on.

Anyhow, the sound is beyond my wildest expectations, and even though it's a long-discontinued item and I may never be able to find a replacement stylus for it when the time comes, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it until then because it has reminded me that yes Virginia, vinyl does sound better than CD.

This sudden renewed appreciation for analog also prompted me to get off my sorry ass this morning and attend to some much needed—and horribly overdue—maintenance on my turntable.

Back in the late 70s when Technics introduced the first Mk2 line of turntables, they were in many respects the state of the art. The 1300Mk2, which in 1977 sold for $500 ($1800 in today's dollars), was a beautiful piece of engineering—although not without some inherent design flaws that have reared their ugly heads as these tables have aged.

(To be perfectly fair, I'm sure the designers at Panasonic never thought about these issues, finding it ludicrous at the time to even think that these tables would still be in use thirty years after their introduction.)

First and foremost is the notorious arm lift problem. In most basic terms, Panasonic used a piece of plastic that was too thin, putting it in a location where it was continually subjected to intense stress. Needless to say, as the years wore on and the plastic lost its elasticity, the part eventually snapped. A replacement is naturally now unobtainable, but my friend Joel came up with a very creative—and lasting fix. (Thankfully he passed this knowledge onto his assistants before he died.)

If you're ever looking to buy a 1300Mk2 or 1400Mk2 off eBay and the seller claims everything works just fine, don't believe a word of it. If Joel or his successors haven't fixed them, I guarantee they're broken.

Two other common problems with tables of this vintage are that the lubricants used in various locations within the mechanism have dried out and have become sticky. This manifests as wonky buttons and the start/stop feature not working.

While fixing the arm lift problem isn't something that should be attempted by anyone other than the good folks at The Turntable Factory (it's buried deep within the mechanism and even I am scared to venture that far into the workings—although I have and understand the mechanics of it), if you're comfortable with a few small tools, have a good eye and a bit of patience, it is possible for you to address the other problems.

The arm lift on my Mk2 was—naturally—repaired by Joel years ago, and I cleaned the dried goop off the the control buttons a while back, but for some reason I never addressed the solenoid spring issue and lately the start/stop has quit working.

Inspired by the new cartridge, here's my How-To on fixing the start/stop issue:

You will need:

・a flat surface to work on
・good light
・a philips head screwdriver
・needle nose pliers
・a towel
・something to hold a bunch of small screws
・rubbing alcohol and q-tips

Estimated time to complete: Approximately one hour. Longer if you've never torn one of these apart before.

Step 1

Disconnect the turntable from your receiver or amplifier and put it in your workspace.

Step 2

Open the dust cover and remove the cartridge, tonearm counterweight, slipmat and turntable platter. Make sure the manual arm lift lever is in the down position, and lock the tonearm down. Remove the six black screws holding the cover plate in place. Put the screws in a safe place.

Remove the cover plate and put it aside.

Step 3

Carefully disconnect the five electrical connectors from the circuit board and motor beneath the cover plate. They all just pull straight off, but the one at the very back under the chassis and the small clear plastic connector immediately in front of it have a clip that holds them in place. If no one has ever worked on the table before, there may be a small plastic cable tie organizing the wires. You can safely discard this after removing it.

Step 4

Place a folded towel on your work surface. With the turntable dust cover still in place, carefully flip the entire assembly upside down so that the dustcover is resting on the towel. Using a philips head screwdriver, remove the seven screws holding the bottom trim/foot panel in place and put them in a safe place.

Remove the bottom trim/foot panel. Remove the four screws holding the floating subchassis in place.

Step 5

Holding the black subchassis in place, carefully flip the entire assembly back upright. Raise the dust cover, unlock the tonearm and raise the manual lift lever. Swing the tonearm toward the center.

CAREFULLY lift the chassis (with the dust cover still attached) upward, taking care not to catch it on the tonearm. Set it aside.

Lower the manual arm lift lever and move the tonearm back to its rest position, locking it down.

Step 6

CAREFULLY turn the subchassis assembly upside down and place it on the towel. Remove the 8 screws that are marked in the photo below. Keep these separate, as they are not interchangeable and need to go back in their original locations.

Lift up the black subchassis panel. Put this aside.

Identify the two solenoid locations on the bottom of the tonearm mechanism assembly.

Step 7

To remove Solenoid #1, gently hold back the three retaining clips with a finger and lift the assembly out of the retaining bracket. DO NOT FORCE anything, as the plastic has become brittle with age and if it breaks, you're going to be royally fucked. (This is where the patience part comes in.)

In my particular case, the felt pad attached to the flapper panel on the solenoid assembly was sticking against the white plastic bumper. This may or may not be present in all cases, but if so, dip a q-tip in rubbing alcohol and give the plastic part a good swapping to remove any residue

If you've removed the flapper, slide it back in place, first hooking the clip on the one edge into the spring and then slipping the two notches back in place on the solenoid.

If there is any dried lubricant on the spring (in my case there wasn't), clean it off with a q-tip dipped in rubbing alcohol.

Gently push the solenoid assembly back in place until it snaps into place. Verify that the flapper moves freely by pushing it with your finger toward the large white gear.

Step 8

Solenoid #2 is the sucker that causes all of the start/stop problems, and as you can see from the photo, mine was covered with goop.

Before removing this solenoid, you'll need to remove the control arm that it is attached to. CAREFULLY pull back the retaining clip and lift off the control arm.

CAREFULLY pull back the three clips enough to release the the solenoid assembly and pull it out. This one may put up a little more of a fight than the other one. Be gentle.

Carefully remove the flapper assembly by turning it at a slight angle so that it slips out of the retaining clips on the solenoid. Unhook the flapper clip from the solenoid spring.

A gummed up solenoid spring is an unhappy solenoid spring.

With a q-tip dipped in rubbing alcohol, clean the lubricant off the spring and the plastic parts.

You may need to pull the spring to extend it a bit to make sure the alcohol gets in everywhere (a pair of needle-nose pliers is good for this) to get all the goop off. WHY Panasonic chose to lubricate this is quite beyond me. It's not needed!

Reattach the flapper assembly by first clipping the end into the spring and then turning it at a slight angle so that it rests within the retaining clips on the solenoid assembly.

Push the solenoid back into the retaining clips until it snaps into place. Make sure the spring and flapper aren't caught on anything.

Reattach the swing arm by pushing it back into place until it clicks, taking care that the solenoid flapper meshes with the end of the arm properly.

A clean solenoid spring is a happy solenoid spring!

Step 9
Reattach the black subchassis, taking care to align the tonearm mechanism properly and making sure that the proper screws are all returned to their proper locations. When that's completed, turn the assembly back right side up.

Release the tonearm lock. Raise the arm lift lever. Swing the arm toward the center.

GENTLY lower the chassis and dustcover assembly back onto the floating suspension, taking care to clear the tonearm. If it's in the proper location, you'll know it because the tonearm base will be perfectly lined up in the round cutout on the chassis. If not, raise it slightly and move it a bit until it seats properly.

Swing the tonearm back to its rest position and lower the arm lift mechanism.

Lock the tonearm down.

Step 10
Now's the tricky part. With one hand firmly underneath the turntable on the subchassis and one on the center of the dustcover, turn the entire assembly upside down.

Reattach the subchassis to the main chassis using the four screws that were removed earlier.

Reattach the bottom trim/foot panel using the 7 screws removed earlier.

Turn the entire turntable right side up.
Reattach the electrical connections, making sure that the two clear plastic connector clips at the rear snap into place.

Replace the cover panel, taking care that it's not pinching any of the wiring underneath. Reattach using the six black screws removed earlier.

Replace the turntable platter and slipmat. Reattach the tonearm counterweight and cartridge, balance arm, and set tracking force.

Plug back into your receiver, power up, and enjoy some vinyl!

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I Think I Just Threw Up in My Mouth a Little

Ben and I noticed the other day that development has started on a long-vacant tract of land on Thomas Road at 3rd Street. This parcel has been vacant for as long as I can remember. Imagine my horror when we learned it is slated for yet another overpriced "luxury" high-rise apartment development that will sit empty. Just what Phoenix needs.

From the developer's website:

"When creating Alta Paradise Ridge, it was important to us that we offer residents an unparalleled living experience," said Todd Taylor, development director for Wood Partners in Arizona and Nevada. "Our internal design process has continued to create beautiful multifamily units with fully-equipped, elegant amenities attractive to young professionals, families and empty nesters."

Each unit includes a large quartz kitchen island, stainless steel appliances and wood style flooring, creating a functionally dynamic environment for cooking and entertaining. USB outlets, gigabit internet speeds and Bluetooth speakers seamlessly connect residents and their technological devices directly to their home.

Exclusive community amenities have also been incorporated to match the lifestyles of the Alta Paradise Ridge's targeted audiences including a 24-hour fitness center, personal training, and yoga and spin rooms. Residents are also able to enjoy a wide range of opportunities for collaboration and relaxation in inviting spaces that include a clubhouse with an 11-foot television, a beach entry pool overlooking a private reserve, private dining room, and a rooftop terrace.

"More than just a place to live, Alta Paradise Ridge connects residents to the vibrancy of Phoenix and their community," added Taylor. "We are proud to offer a top-tier living experience with a unique sense of place and culture to our targeted renter."

And we know exactly who your "targeted renter" is, don't we? Urban professionals with more money than sense who don't own a single item and only use their apartment as a fuck-pad…

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Shocking Facts About the Student Loan Debt Crisis

1. Public college tuition in the United States was 3.22 times more expensive compared to 1985 adjusted for inflation.

2. Meanwhile, the cost of college textbooks has seen a 1,041% increase since 1977 — three times the rate of inflation. 

3. The average American student debt upon graduation is about equal to the price of a Tesla 3

4. Roughly two-thirds of college students face student loan debts after graduating today. One expert said more than 25% of those students almost definitely won't be able to afford the burden, according to a guest column in Time.

5. Student loan debt in America has surpassed credit card debt.

6. Over 40 million Americans faced student loan debt in 2014. "The population with student loans is actually greater than the entire population of Canada, Poland, North Korea, Australia and more than 200 other countries," the Huffington Post noted at the time.

7. According to the Bay Citizen, the rate at which graduates defaulted on their loans nearly doubled from 2005 to 2010, from 4.6% to 8.8%.

8. For the 7 million Americans who defaulted on their student loans in 2014, they may have become ineligible for certain government jobs, according to the Huffington Post.

9. The student loan debt crisis has prevented millennials from spending on many other life milestones.

Source

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Impure Thoughts

Limitless is apparently on the fence in regards to being renewed for a second season. I hope it makes the cut, because in addition to it being a fun show it would be a shame if we didn't get to see cute Jake McDorman's hot scruff every week.

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People Are Stupid

A few weeks ago the remodeled house down the street from CopperStar finally went up for sale. Ben and I laughed when we saw it being marketed for half a million, even with the crappy, unfinished back yard. It was a ridiculous asking price for the 'hood, even if it had been pristine. I mean, the place is nice and all, but it's not worth that much.

Well, it sold—for the full asking price.



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Just Because

"I know it's stinking up the car, but there's an extra pound of catnip in the deal if you don't tell the cops about the body in the trunk."

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My Truth

I graduated high school in the top 10% of my class thinking the world was my oyster. I dropped out of college after 3 barely-passing semesters.

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Things to Call People You Dislike

  • easy bake oven
  • expired coupon
  • spam email
  • wet sock
  • squeaky grocery cart
  • inconvenient fire drill
  • cold bowl of soup
  • itchy sweater
  • unnecessary movie sequel
  • overdraft bank fee
  • crying baby on a plane
  • wobbly table
  • sun glare when I'm driving just before sunset and I have to put my sun visor down because I forgot my sunglasses but I'm still really uncomfortable and it's just a big hassle all around
  • donald trump

I especially like easy bake oven and expired coupon.