Month: May 2025

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Mars In The Loop

click to embiggen

Mars In The Loop
Image Credit & Copyright: Tunc Tezel (TWAN)
Explanation: This composite of images spaced a weather-permitting 5 to 9 days apart, from 2024 September 19 (top right) through 2025 May 18 (bottom left), faithfully traces ruddy-colored Mars as it makes a clockwise loop through the constellations Gemini and Cancer in planet Earth's night sky. You can connect the dots and dates with your cursor over the image, but be sure to check out this animation of the Red Planet's 2024/25 retrograde motion. Of course Mars didn't actually reverse the direction of its orbit. Instead, the apparent backwards motion with respect to the background stars is a reflection of the orbital motion of Earth itself. Retrograde motion can be seen each time Earth overtakes and laps planets orbiting farther from the Sun, the Earth moving more rapidly through its own relatively close-in orbit. In this case Mars' apparent eastward motion began to reverse around December 8, when it seemed to linger near open star cluster M44 in Cancer. After wandering back to the west, under Gemini's bright stars Castor and Pollux, Mars returned to pose near M44 by early May. At its brightest near opposition on 2025 January 16, Mars was a mere 96 million kilometers away.

Now Class…can you tell me why all the planets appear to go backward (retrograde) on occasion?

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Saturday Yokes

What if your first name was Holden and your last name was Berries. You'd be Holden Berries and everyone would think you're holden berries.
A guy named Holden Cox didn't think this was funny.

An influencer who attended tRUMPs meme coin dinner says he got a Walmart steak and no access to the president.
Wow, he got scammed by the most famous scammer on Earth at the scam meeting? Who could have seen this coming?

I wish Facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so I could like it.

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat.
14 hours, no responsibilities.

If you're attracted to both women and men but neither of them are attracted to you that means you are
Bi-Yourself.

It's probably hard to separate church and state when you can't separate fact from fiction.

Sign: Groj sale
My guess is there will be no books at this one.

If a Toucan can does that mean a Onecan shouldn't be allowed to try? Or is it illegal for one of them to even try?

Sign:
Kansas City welcomes 25 million people anally.

What's wrong with society these days?
No one drinks from the skull of their enemies anymore.

The Ratio of an Igloo's Circumference to its Diameter…
Eskimo Pi.

Do crabs think fish are flying?

Counselor to husband: Do you feel dominated by your wife.
Wife: No, he doesn't.

What do you call a Knight that's afraid to fight?
Sir Render.

All my passwords are protected by amnesia.

Balloons are weird.
Happy Birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath.

Sign: The Pony Strip Club
Now hiring class of 2025

A penny for your thoughts…
even though that does seem a little pricy.

"No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot." – Mark Twain

[source]

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The Week In Stupid

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let's look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: sticker shock

folks, pour one out for hack scribbler Chris Cillizza. keep him in all your thoughts and prayers. Chris is going through some serious shit right now.

here's how this tragedy went down: Chris drove two whole hours to watch his son play in a soccer tournament in Richmond, Virginia — and when the match was over and he returned to the parking lot, he found that his precious Tesla had been vandalized.

oh my god, that's terrible. what did they do? did they set the car on fire? did they spray paint obscenities all over it?

no, it's worse than that — so much worse. what this terrorist did was scotch-tape a piece of paper to Chris' bumper.

oh noes! but wait. that doesn't look like the bumper of a car.

of course it isn't. Chris popped that sucker right off, took it into his house and snapped a pic of it.

so there was no damage?

well, Chris got his fee-fees completely hurted. that's not nothing. look, why are you being such an insensitive prick about the living nightmare that Chris had to go through?

sorry. tell me what happened next.

I'll tell you exactly what happened next. Chris was all this aggression will not stand, man —

— and he wrote a really bitchy post about it for the Daily Beast.

wait — you're telling me that instead of crumpling up the paper, tossing it away and getting on with his life, Chris Cillizza opted instead to punch himself in the dick by writing a thousand-word screed and calling attention to what a whiny dipshit he is? because the entire fucking internet is mocking him now.

yeah, that's pretty much it.

I hope no one ever leaves a flyer for a pizzeria on Chris' windshield. I'm not sure he could handle that much tragedy.

tuesday: what rhymes with crapper

Jake Tapper's relentless promotion of his Biden hit-job continues. look at the self-satisfied glee with which he delivers the line he no doubt practiced in the mirror for hours.

"it is a scandal. it is without question — and maybe even worse than Watergate in some ways, because Richard Nixon was in control of his faculties when he wasn't drinking."

first of all: fuck off, Jake.

second of all: fuck all the way off, Jake.

no, the alleged cover-up of an allegedly impaired president is notworse than Richard Nixon sending a band of thugs to break into Democratic National Headquarters to steal everything that wasn't nailed down. how fucking dare you smirk while these imbecilic words leak out of your face-hole.

hey, let's fast forward to the end of the week, because we could all use a little schadenfreude right now. oh look — Tapper's book is an embarrassing failure.

Biden's book, "Original Sin," with Alex Thompson has had more publicity than any book of recent memory thanks to CNN's collaboration. But now come the disappointing sales. 53,737 print units sold, per Circana BookScan for the first week.

By comparison: Bob Woodward's book "Fear: Trump in the White House" sold 1.1 million copies in its first week.

ohhh. too bad, so sad, Jake. sucks to be you. here, have some tiny violin.

for the rest of us, it's Snoopy dance!

wednesday: dare to be an idiot

hey, remember last year, when Vivek Ramaswamy was a thing for about fifteen minutes, and then everyone was all yeah, fuck no and quickly forgot all about him?

well, Vivek's back, baby — and he's got the solution to our national debt. check out this brilliant idea: the whole fucking thing would disappear in a heartbeat if everybody would just choose to be a billionaire!

"we're going to have to have the courage to take on independence from the federal entitlement state. that's what we actually need to be talking about, and I personally believe that everything else ends up being a distraction of dealing with this national debt issue. as the question of how are we going to start with a generation of Americans who hopefully become so wealthythat they don't need the federal entitlement state."

everyone should just become a billionaire! it's that fucking easy.it's a solution so obvious, I can't believe no one ever thought of it before now. just choose to be rich! and you don't even have to think up a new way to do it. just do what Vivek did, and enrich yourself through fraud and stock manipulation.

look, I have a simpler solution: why don't we just grind up half the poors and feed them to the other poors?

if it was good enough for Jonathan Swift, then it's good enough for America.

thursday: we're all going to whaaaaat?

Iowa Senator and pig-castration aficionado Joni Ernst held a town hall this week — and like so many Republicans, she encountered a buzzsaw of angry voters demanding to know why social programs were being gutted so that gazillionaires could get another round of tax cuts.

unlike others in the GOP, however, Joni maintained her cool. after she told a bunch of lies about how the real problem is "illegals" receiving Medicaid benefits (fact check: they don't, because they can't), the crowd started shouting "PEOPLE WILL DIE."

no biggie, countered Joni, because—

"well, we all are going to die."

wait, what? why am I just hearing about this now?

my my, aren't we fucking philosophical, Joni.

of course, some of us will die in bed, surrounded by our loved ones, and some of us will die face down in the gutter because we can't afford medical care — but does any of that really matter? because in the end, we're all just expired meat, right?

it's a wise old saying: elect a bunch of psychopath clowns, get a psychopath circus.

do you think that's what Joni said to those hogs, as she was lopping off their balls? 'don't worry about this, we're all going to die.'

friday: ugh, this fucking guy

why the hell would any of our worthless scribblers bother asking the doughy pantload in the Oval Office to comment on Joe Biden's cancer diagnosis? yet, that's exactly what someone did — and Little Donny Fuckface did not disappoint.

"not a smart person, but a somewhat vicious person, I will say. if you feel sorry for him, don't feel so sorry for him, 'cause he's vicious. what he did with his political opponent, and all of the people that he hurt. he hurt a lot of people, Biden, and so I really don't feel sorry for him."

oh. my. fucking. god. stay classy, you malodorous piece of shit.

at the risk of repeating myself for the umpteenth time, the first reporter to stand up and ask "what the fuck is wrong with you" should get a lifetime Pulitzer.

imagine that any Democrat said they didn't feel sorry for a cancer-stricken Republican. it would be the immediate end to their political career — but for Donny, it's just another Friday. not a single mention in The New York Times. ditto the Washington Post.

hey, Jake Tapper, any interest in writing a book on the hideous pile of dung currently befouling the White House?

awesome job, Jake.

saturday: ?

hey, it's still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

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Friday Madness

the news is moving at warp speed these days, because of fucking course it is. we live in the shittiest possible timeline, so why should any of us get to catch our breaths for five minutes?

two quick things happened yesterday, after the US Court of International Trade ruled that Donny Convict's incoherent tariffs were unconstitutional as fuck and blocked them.

first, a second court blocked Donny's tariffs.

A second federal court blocked the bulk of President Trump's tariffs on Thursday, ruling he cannot claim unilateral authority to impose them by declaring emergencies over trade deficits and fentanyl.

and then, before any of us had a chance to cheer that win, a federal appeals court temporarily reinstated the tariffs.

A federal appeals court on Thursday temporarily delayed Wednesday's court order blocking President Donald Trump's tariffs, reinstating them at least for the time being.

The United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit issued an administrative stay of the decision while it considers Trump's appeal.

welcome to life in the shittiest possible timeline. this is why we can't have nice things.

nonetheless, Republicans spent the day power-loading an endless series of diapers while blubbering about how it wasn't fair of lunatic Marxist judges to block Dear Leader's agenda.

look at Jailbird Pete Navarro. he's so mad, he's about to punch his head through a wall.

Navarro: "and with respect to the legal arguments themselves, these are rogue judges that are basically operatin—"

Fox: "one was appointed by Donald Trump. that's a rogue judge?"

Navarro: "there was one appointed by Donal—"

Fox: "and one by Reagan."

Navarro: "more importantly—"

Republicans want you to believe that Donny's unconstitutional barrage of executive orders are being blocked by some evil fucktangle of commie rat-bastard Democratic judges. um, no. Democracy Docket crunched the numbers and found almost as many Republican-appointed judges are smacking down Donny as Democratic ones.

The Trump administration has lost a shocking 96% of rulings in federal district courts so far this month, according to a recent analysis by Adam Bonica, a professor of political science at Stanford.

Bonica's data indicates that judges across the ideological spectrum are ruling against Trump at similar rates. He's lost in 72% of rulings issued by Republican-appointed judges and 80% of rulings by Democratic-appointed judges.

first of all, wow. 96% of all rulings in May went against Donny. but look at that stunning second set of numbers: 72% of Republican judges who were tasked with dealing with Donny's dumbfuckery ruled overwhelmingly that he's not the messiah. he's a very naughty boy.

look, I have three words for all these hypocritical Republican diaper-loaders whining about activist judges: Matthew Fucking Kacsmaryk.

Judge Kacsmaryk is a district judge in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Texas. he was appointed by Donny in 2017, he's as MAGA as they come — and he's the go-to guy whenever Republicans decide that some Democratic policy needs to go fuckity-bye.

wingnuts looking for a predetermined outcome will file suits in Matthew Kacsmaryk's jurisdiction, because he's a right-wing Federalist Society shitiologue who is always happy to ignore facts or precedent or law, and rule whichever way they tell him to.

Kacsmaryk is not a judge. he's not weighing facts and making judgements. Kacsmaryk is a foregone conclusionist. he already knows in advance how he's going to rule.

so all these Republicans whining about activist Democrat judges can to go fuck off all the way to Fuckoffistan — and then they get there, they can just keep fucking off until they get to Mars. say hello to the Space Nazi for us.

with the lower courts kicking the crap out of Mad King Donny's agenda, does the White House press corps smell blood in the water? it looks like they're actually starting to rouse from their slumbers do their jobs. Fox News lapdog Peter Doocy actually commits a journalism and asks Karoline Lie-vitt a perfectly reasonable question: why doesn't Donny simply work within that system that's already stacked in his favor?

"so the courts are basically telling you guys they think the White House's policy, the president's policies, are in some way against the law. why can't President Trump ask the Republicans that control the House and the Republicans that control the Senate just to make a new law?"

Karoline completely whiffs her response.

"well, these laws have already been granted to the president by the Constitution."

bzzt! wrong answer.

no, laws have not already been granted Dear Leader by the Constitution. that's the whole reason that he's lost 96% of his court battles.

cut the bullshit, Karoline. the real reason Donny doesn't work with Congress to pass laws is because that would require Donny to do actual presidenting — and Donny doesn't want to do any of that shit. it's too hard. he's not going to pick up a phone, or waddle down to Congress and meet with GOP leadership to haggle out a strategy. are you fucking crazy? come on, that's time he could be spending watching himself on TV, or cheating at golf.

Donny just wants to preen for the cameras, and play-act the role of a king.

he would much rather spend half an hour chicken-scratching his psychotic signature on whatever executive orders Stephen Miller has drafted for him, another half-hour mouth-farting inanities at the press, and then go back to fucking off for the rest of the day.

doing actual work? oh please, that shit's for losers.

speaking of Donny, check out his latest batshit Truth Social post, which has to be seen to be believed.

oh dear. Mad King Donny has fucking lost it. this might be the craziest thing he's ever posted.

Donny is hella mad at the judges who ruled against him — and look who he blames for all his troubles: Leonard Fucking Leo.

"I was new to Washington, and it was suggested that I use The Federalist Society as a recommending source on Judges. I did so, openly and freely, but then realized that they were under the thumb of a real 'sleazebag' named Leonard Leo, a bad person who, in his own way, probably hates America, and obviously has his own separate ambitions. He openly brags how he controls Judges, and even Justices of the United States Supreme Court — I hope that is not so, and don't believe it is! In any event, Leo left The Federalist Society to do his own "thing.""

this is all the proof you need that nobody is safe from the wrath of Mad King Donny. he'll turn on literally anybody. Donny should be kissing the feet of Leonard Leo. no one has done more to make sure Donny eternally escapes consequences. Leonard Leo is the prime reason there were five corrupt bought-and-paid-for Federalist Society justices on the Supreme Court all too happy to rule that Donny is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Do All The Crimes He Wants.

that's Leonard Leo's doing. he spent years working to make sure that America's entire judiciary leans hard to the right — but because one particular ruling went the wrong way, Leonard Leo is now an unperson.

off with his head!

hey, don't you just love the way Donny ends his posts now?

"Thank you for your attention to this matter!"

who is Donny talking to? God? Zippy the Pinhead?

it's hard to believe we were ever this happy, but it was one year ago today that a jury found Donny Convict guilty as fuck.

as I wrote at the time,

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

seriously, fuck that guy.

here's your hero of the day: graphic designer Tom Adelsbach, who created this masterpiece. enjoy.

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Thursday Madness – Sanctus Cacas!

if ever there were a holy shit moment, we got one last night, when the three judges on the U.S. Court of International Trade were all 'Taco Donny, put an end to this tariff bullshit right fucking now.'

I know, right? I'm shocked, too.

no, really — even Paul Krugman was all holy shit.

I googled it, Paul. in Latin, it's 'sanctus cacas.'

the court cockblocked Donny for a simple reason: presidents cannot levy taxes (which is what tariffs are, duh) — that's the job of Congress.

it's right there in that pesky little thing we call the Constitution.

Article I, Section 8 says that "The Congress shall have the power to lay and collect taxes …" Article I, Section 7 says that "All bills for raising [tax] revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives …"

Donny had been imposing his incoherent tariffs through a farcical misreading of a 1977 law that allows presidents to 'regulate commerce' during 'national emergencies.'

to be fair, 'the president is a fuckwit fueled by stupidity and spite' is in fact a genuine national emergency — but not the kind that would allow Donny to 'regulate commerce.'

so the Trade Court made the only logical move, which was to tell Dear Leader to piss straight up a rope.

of course, this whole episode should never have ended up in court. Congress could have ended all this trade war fuckery in a heartbeat — because Donny never had the authority to impose tariffs in the first place. Donny glommed that power illegally — and because no Republican wanted to stand up to Donny, and risk making the Boy King mad, they let him get away with it.

in fact, Congress has blocked every Democratic effort to restore sanity to American trade policy.

I have a question: how many Congressional Republicans made a fortune from trading off of Donny's tariff incoherence?

Congresswoman Sporkfoot, might you have any idea?

crickets. I thought so.

this is the exact same bullshit we went through with Donny's unconstitutional executive orders. EOs are not laws of the land — but they got treated as such, because Republicans just stood around with their hands in their pockets, and did fuck-all to stop it.

same deal with kidnapping migrants off the street and disappearing them into foreign slave-labor gulags, which Donny based off a farcical misreading of the Alien Enemies Act.

it took a court to put an end to Donny's unconstitutional EOs. it took a court to put an end to (some) unconstitutional kidnappings — and now it's a court that's blocked Donny's unconstitutional tariffs.

all because Congressional Republicans are fucking cowards who don't want to rock the boat.

the Trade Court has given Donny ten days to comply. there's no doubt that Donny will go blubbering all the way to the Supreme Court about it.

there's also no doubt there's a Category Five ketchupnado going on in the White House right now, but Nosferatu McGoebbels must have hidden Dear Leader's phone — because as I'm sitting here writing this at 8am on Thursday morning, there's nothing at all about tariffs on Donny's Truth Social feed.

sanctus cacas!

all around, it was not a good day for Taco Donny. he found out about his new nickname in the most clownfuckingly hilarious way possible: from a reporter.

reporter: "Wall Street analysts have coined a new term called the 'TACO trade.' they're saying Trump always chickens out on tariff threats, and that's why markets are higher this week. what's your response to that?"

Donny: "I kick out?"

reporter: "chicken out."

Donny then launches into a two-minute-long whiny tirade during which he brags about all of his imaginary accomplishments, insists that changing his mind every other day is actually a strength, and culminates in—

"but don't ever say what you said. that's a nasty question. to me, that's the nastiest question."

oh noes, Dear Leader heard a nasty question. the horror.

boo fucking hoo. dry your eyes and grow the fuck up.

that Donny had to hear about his new nickname from a reporter is indicative of the fact-free bubble Donny lives in. his handlers have to keep him in the dark about every fucking thing, because they know the thin-skinned bastard can't handle reality. that's why, when four soldiers were killed in a training mission in March, he was all huh, what when asked about it by reporters. same deal with Signalgate. when reporters asked him about that, he didn't even know what a group chat was.

don't nobody upset the Boy King.

so of course no one in the White House was going to tell Donny that Wall Street is mocking the shit out of him. no one wants a ketchup bottle whipped at their head.

and because the internet never disappoints, I give you —


sanctus cacas!

a couple of days ago I joked that Donny thinks he's on a mission from God.

at least, I thought I was joking. it turns out I wasn't. here's a thing our batshit president actually posted yesterday on his crappy app.

sanctus cacas!

get a grip, you delusional asshole.

here are your heroes of the day: the good people of Seward, Nebraska.

at a town hall in Seward, Republican Rep Mike Flood was bullshitting his way through a justification of cutting social programs, when the crowd grew tired of being lied to and drowned him out with a chant of "tax the rich!"

sanctus cacas!

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Released 43 Years Ago Today

Roxy Music: Avalon (1982)

IMHO, one of the best sounding albums ever recorded. Even after all these years, if I just need to unwind, this gets put on.

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Mid Week Madness

the Oxford English Dictionary — the go-to for all things wordtastic — defines diplomacy as 'the profession, activity, or skill of managing international relations, typically by a country's representatives abroad.'

the key words in that definition are 'profession' and 'skill.'

sane countries chose their diplomats from a body of skilled professionals who have made it their life's work to know how to say exactly the right thing, in any situation — because it makes no sense for a country to have hothead fuckwits mucking about, barking out crazy shit and blundering into wars.

that's why it's always super fucking hilarious to watch Mad King Donny conduct high-level foreign policy by the seat of his pants while melting all the way down on his crappy app.

"What Vladimir Putin doesn't realize is that if it weren't for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He's playing with fire!"

is there any other country on the planet whose chief executive's social media is a 24/7 firehose of petty grievances?

spoiler alert: the answer is no, because it's just fucking insane.

I cannot stress this enough: Mad King Donny should not be conducting foreign policy via a series of colicky rage-posts. it accomplishes nothing, and it's just embarrassing. the world is laughing at us.

can someone please take away Dear Leader's phone?

but let's look at what Donny's saying: 'if it weren't for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD.'

excuse me, but what 'REALLY BAD things' has Donny personally kept from happening to Russia? who the fuck does Donny imagine he's working for? last time I looked, Donny's title was President of the United States, not Protectorate of Russia.

I'm so old, I remember when American presidents looked out for the interests of their own country — not those of our adversaries.

Donny's having the saddest of saddy-sad sads right now because — after twelve years spent sucking up to Putin in a pathetic effort to be his bestie —

it's finally dawning on this dilapidated old dotard that Vlad is never going to be his friend. Putin's been playing Donny like a fiddle since day one.

remember how Donny campaigned on the ludicrous boast that he would end Russia's war on Ukraine in one day? well, here we are, 128 days later — and guess what: Putin's war rages on, with no end in sight.

Putin's an expansionist. his goal is to rebuild the Tsarist Russian Empire of the 19th Century. it's a goal that includes annexing Ukraine.

but here comes Mad King Donny, the delusional dipshit who imagines he's The Greatest Deal Maker of All Time. he's gonna fix everything. he's gonna solve all this war shit by flattering Putin, and remind him what great pals they are — and maybe even throw in the promise of a golden tower in Moscow.

but none of that laughable bullshit's worked, so now Donny's gonna try threats — by telling Putin he's "playing with fire." oh joy, one nuclear power telling another that they're 'playing with fire.' what could go wrong?

tell me, Donny, does this look like a guy who gives one fuck about your threats?

Putin's laughing at Donny. all of Russia is laughing at Donny. for fuck's sake, even Russia's official state media is laughing at Donny. look what Russia Today posted to their not-twitter account.

President Trump warns Moscow, claiming Russia avoided 'REALLY BAD' consequences only thanks to him 'Putin doesn't realize… he's playing with fire!' — Trump's message leaves little room for misinterpretation. Until he posts the opposite tomorrow morning."

does Russia have Mad King Donny's number, or what? they know he's an erratic dope who can be depended on to contradict himself the very next day — and they're taunting him about it, right to his face.

hey, remember when Donny said this about Putin in 2016?

"I don't know anything about him other than he will respect me."

yeah, I don't think so.

Donny is all 'come on, Vlad, you owe me one' — and Russian state media is all 'die mad, you salty bitch.'

no one respects Donny.

"I told Canada, which very much wants to be part of our fabulous Golden Dome System, that it will cost $61 Billion Dollars if they remain a separate, but unequal, Nation, but will cost ZERO DOLLARS if they become our cherished 51st State. They are considering the offer!"

I have a question for President Dumb-Ass: is Canada in the room with us right now?

Golden Dome, to catch you up, is Donny's expensive, unworkable fantasy to protect America from the threat of missile attacks — but it's basically just a scam to shovel billions of dollars into the Space Nazi's pockets.

Golden Dome is based on Israel's Iron Dome defense system — but because Donny is a fucking child, everything always has to made of gold.

so here's Donny, claiming that he's been talking to 'Canada,' and that they're 'interested' in become our 51st state, so they can get in on some of that sweet golden domey goodness.

I guarantee that none of that is true. Donny didn't 'talk to Canada.' Canada isn't 'interested.' Donny's just making shit up.

once again, the president of the United States is typing fever-swamp hallucinations into his phone, and farting them out into the world. why? to accomplish what? does Donny imagine that Mark Carney is going see Donny's not-tweet, and go 'oh yeah, I guess we should become America's hat'?

Donny is living a dream world. Canada does not want to be our hat — and the promise of an expensive, unworkable, pie-in-the-literal-sky defense system that will never be built isn't going to change that.

it's bad enough for Canada that they find themselves living above a meth lab. they don't want to become part of that shit.

oh look, it's not just Russia who has no respect for Mad King Donny. Wall Street is mocking the shit out of Dear Leader, too.

that four letter code word is TACO. here's what it stands for:

Trump Always Chickens Out.

It refers to the president's tendency to announce massive tariffs, causing the markets to plunge, only to back off days later, causing them to rise again.

TACO is now an official investment strategy.

Ted Jenkin, president of Exit Stage Left Advisors, told the New York Post there's now a simple strategy on Wall Street based on those shifts.

"Once he delivers bad news, investors are buying those stocks when they are beaten down waiting for him to chicken out and watching those stocks rebound in value," he explained.

so now, even Wall Street is laughing at the Mad King — and enriching themselves at the same time.

heck of a job, Donny.