oh look, Sundowning Grandpa Bloodthirst made a boom-boom — only this time, it wasn’t in his pants.

fucking hell. it looks like we have no choice but to wade in and parse this mess — but before we do, I have to point out for the gazillionth time that none of this is normal. it’s not normal for a president to break the news to the world that he’s bombed the shit out of another country via a post on his failing shithole app. all of this is off-the-charts batshit.

nonetheless…

We have completed our very successful attack on the three Nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan.

have we? Donny says this attack was successful — but two days ago he was telling us that Chinese bots altered vote counts in voting machines in 2020, and that he really won in a landslide. so we know that his grasp on reality is tenuous at best. also, there’s that thing he does where he willfully lies about everything.

All planes are now outside of Iran air space. A full payload of BOMBS was dropped on the primary site, Fordow.

BOMBS is in all caps, because of course it is. our toddler-in-chief is so fucking pumped right now to have RAINED DOWN HELL on another country.

All planes are safely on their way home. Congratulations to our great American Warriors. There is not another military in the World that could have done this.

yes, this is absolutely true, that the United States is the only country on Earth with a military capable of transporting bombs in a jet and then dropping them. USA! USA!

NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE!

really? right after starting a war? for fuck’s sake, even George Orwell, wherever he is, is rolling his eyes and miming jerk-off motions right now.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

this again. this bizarre sign-off with which President Yap Yap now ends all his kingly pronouncements.

‘thank you for your attention to this matter’ is how you close an annoyed email to your neighbor whose dog keeps shitting on your lawn. it’s not how you close a social media post in which you gleefully announce that you just destabilized the entire world. you already have our attention, fucknut.

none of this had to happen.

we had a treaty with Iran that they were abiding to — and our game show host president tore it to pieces because he was jealous of a black man’s accomplishments.

also, none of this is legal.

“The President’s disastrous decision to bomb Iran without authorization is a grave violation of the Constitution and Congressional War Powers.”

sure, but don’t expect House Speaker Limpdick to do his job and claw back Congress’ power to wage war. he’s down with all this shit — and even if he weren’t, he’s too cowardly and impotent to stand up to Dear Leader.

oh, and a special shout-out to all the cultists who voted for Donny because he promised NO NEW WARS. check out what everyone’s favorite misshapen garden gnome posted last August.

how’d that shit work out for you, Chuck-o?

lest we forget, Donny also ran on not getting eaten by sharks, or electrocuted by boat batteries, so what the fuck — do we have to worry about that now, too?

so, what happens now? fuck if I know. forecasting any of this shit is above my pay grade — but Robert Reich has a really good write-up.

Reich’s main takeaway:

He’s probably getting decent advice about what’s good for Trump but not about what’s good for America or the world. It’s an inevitable consequence of purging from the government anyone more loyal to the United States than to him. Besides, Trump only listens to information he wants to hear.

Olivia Troye was Homeland Security and Counterterrorism advisor to Mike Pence during the Mad King’s first reign. she probably knows Donny as well as anyone else. here’s what she has to say.

“Trump dismantled diplomacy, gutted the national security apparatus & pulled out of the Iran nuclear deal, decisions that helped destabilize the region. Now, it’s all bravado & this attack on Iran is likely to lead to a protracted conflict. This is provocation through chaos. This isn’t a ‘win.’”

it’s not a win, but that isn’t stopping the Mad King from claiming it is.

here’s historian Timothy Snyder to remind us that nobody really knows shit about shit.

pay particular attention to numbers four and five:

4. Wars are unpredictable
5. Wars are easy to start and hard to stop

all I know is if I were looking to successfully navigate a foreign policy crisis, the last people on the planet I would pick would be the Four Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse.

on the left is Mister Heartbeat Away, who … what the fuck even is his skill set? does anyone know? on the right is the Fox News dunk-tank clown who is apparently trying very hard not to pass out, or piss himself. standing next to him is the total cipher whose job is to say yes to everything — no matter how crazypants. and at the podium is the narcoleptic fart factory who had to be talked out of nuking a hurricane — more than once.

I wouldn’t trust any of these shitweasels to look out the window and give me a straight answer as to whether or not it was raining, much less how the prosecution of a war is going.

the hubris is off the charts with these halfwits. their arms are probably sore this morning from all the high-fiving they did last night.

it’s going to be this shit all over again.

on the left is Mister Heartbeat Away, who … what the fuck even is his skill set? does anyone know? on the right is the Fox News dunk-tank clown who is apparently trying very hard not to pass out, or piss himself. standing next to him is the total cipher whose job is to say yes to everything — no matter how crazypants. and at the podium is the narcoleptic fart factory who had to be talked out of nuking a hurricane — more than once.

I wouldn’t trust any of these shitweasels to look out the window and give me a straight answer as to whether or not it was raining, much less how the prosecution of a war is going.

the hubris is off the charts with these halfwits. their arms are probably sore this morning from all the high-fiving they did last night.

it’s going to be this shit all over again.

does anyone expect Donny’s Confederation of Clueless Sewer Clowns to do any better? of course they won’t.

remember the sage words of Timothy Snyder.

5. Wars are easy to start and hard to stop

I have a feeling we’re going to be hearing this a lot as time goes on.

right now, as I’m writing this at 9:30 on Saturday morning, DUI Pete is already taking a victory lap.

and Iran’s state media is all nuh-uh, the fuck you did.

“Iran’s state TV reported that the country had evacuated personnel from the three nuclear sites in advance. According to the broadcaster’s political deputy, Iran had relocated its nuclear stockpiles from those sites to secure locations.”

again, just remember what Timothy Snyder wisely counseled us.

1. Many things reported with confidence in the first hours and days will turn out not to be true

there is one thing I know for certain: we will not be able to depend on the worthless scribblers of America’s corporate-controlled media to do anything other than cheerlead.

rah rah rah! sis boom bah!

and finally, I must apologize — because apparently, this is all my fault. last night, around 7pm, I mentioned to Ms Spouse that I had no idea what I was going to write about today — and the universe was all ha ha, fuck you.

going forward, I will keep such musings to myself.