Month: June 2025

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Apparently…

…you can’t say FUCK TRUMP on Instagram! Who knew?

But seriously, I posted this to my Insta and was immediately logged out with an error message saying “Your account is suspected of auto-posting.”

So I logged back in and attempted to add a comment to the post (which was still there) saying, “Apparently you can’t say FUCK TRUMP on Instagram.”

It logged me out again with the same error message.

Then I asked ChatGPT to create a photorealistic version of the comic. It too balked. “Violation of Terms of Service” or some such nonsense.

I submitted it again without the FUCK TRUMP and it had no problem creating the image.

Fuck you, ChatGPT. I added the text back with Photoshop.

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Friday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

 

here’s an awesome true story from American history.

on December 1, 1863, Abe Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, granting freedom to all enslaved black people in the Confederate states.

now, I hear you asking, hey Uncle Jeff, did the citizens of Texas go ‘I guesswe should tell the people we’ve been enslaving that they’re now free’? hell no, they did not. this is Texas we’re talking about. they were all ‘fuck that guy. Lincoln can eat an entire bag of dicks if he thinks we’re giving up that sweet, sweet free labor.’

fast forward to two-and-a-half years later — June 19th, 1865 — when Union Major General Gordon Granger rode into Galveston, Texas, pulled out his gun, and declared ‘this shit ends now.’

and so the white folks of Texas were finally forced to be all ‘oh hey, black people, you’ll never guess what happened.’

in 2021, Juneteenth became a federal holiday. Republicans hate Juneteenth, because it was signed into law by Joe Biden — and everything Sleepy Brandon does is automatically bad. so it was only natural that yesterday, racists in America continued their multi-hundred-year unbroken streak of being shitty to black people.

let’s start right at the top, with the Bigot-in-Chief — because let’s face it: everyone was just waiting for him to do a racism.

it was like that Simpsons meme come to life, if you replace ‘stupid’ with ‘racist’

even the White House press corps were all c’mon, Karoline, throw us a bone. we know he’s gonna do it. just tell us when.

reporter: “it’s Juneteenth. does the president plan to commemorate the holiday at all or make any comment?”
Leavitt: “I’m not tracking his signature on a proclamation today. I know this is a federal holiday, I want to thank all of you for showing up to work. we are certainly here. we are working 24/7 right now.”
second reporter: “will he mark Juneteenth in any way, today, or with an event later on?”
Leavitt: “I just answered that question for you.”

take note of how Ms. Lie-vitt phrased her evasive non-answer. ‘I want to thank all of you for showing up to work (unlike all those lazy black people who stayed home).’

that’s gonna be a recurring theme, because when Donny — after somehow managing to remain quiet for most of the day — finally farted out a post, he picked up Karoline’s ball and ran with it.

“Too many non-working holidays in America. It is costing our Country $BILLIONS OF DOLLARS to keep all of these businesses closed. The workers don’t want it either! Soon we’ll end up having a holiday for every once working day of the year. It must change if we are going to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

awesome. this guy — President Golfcart McChucklefuck — thinks we have too many holidays.

hey, let’s check President Golfcart’s official schedule for today.

oh look, Mister Too Many Holidays is ditching work again so he can fuck off at his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery.

I guess it’s just a coincidence that Donny chose Juneteenth as the day to whine about why do we have so many days off.

here’s how Vice President Couchfuck McGee commemorated the occasion: by being both racist and deeply offensive.

(actually, this interview is from earlier this week, but hey, close enough.)

podcaster Theo Von: “I’ll tell you this. I heard that Frederick Douglass was gay.”

JD Vance: [bursts out laughing]

Von: “I’ve heard it from four people.”

JD Vance: “[continues to laugh] where do you go to find the people who tell you that Frederick Douglass is gay? you must hang out in more interesting places than I do.”

Von: “that’s why he wanted to free all those men, ’cause he was having trouble meeting anybody.”

Vance: “[laughs] we’re going to talk to the Smithsonian about putting up an exhibit on that, and Theo Von, you can be the narrator for this new [laughs] understanding of the history of Frederick Douglass.”

Von: “but when you think about it, though — he seemed awfully interested in gettin’ them fellas off work early.”

just a couple of vile fuckwads, sittin’ around and talkin’.

no biggie, am I right? it’s just the Vice President of the United States, lauging it up as some podcast yutz describes the emancipation of the enslaved as ‘getting off work early’ so that Frederick Douglass can meet someone. JD Vance laughs it up, like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and suggests the Smithsonian should have an exhibit about it. what the actual fuck?

look how comfortable Couchfuck is, talking to this bigoted bozo. this is clearly his kind of guy.

this is a jerk who, if you put him in a donut shop, can’t fake a human response to save his life. he’s all HELLO, FELLOW PERSON. HA HA. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SELLING DONUTS? HA HA. THAT’S GREAT.

but stick him in a room with a racist, and suddenly he’s Mister Personality.

now let’s check in with the Fox News dunk-tank clown. oh look, Piss Drunk Pete’s official response to Juneteenth is to stick his fingers in his ears and go LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU. he’s just going to pretend it isn’t happening.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s office requested “a passive approach to Juneteenth messaging” for the holiday on Thursday commemorating the end of slavery, according to an email obtained by Rolling Stone. The news was relayed by the Pentagon’s Office of the Chief of Public Affairs, which said it wasn’t planning to publish Juneteenth-related content online.

do you think ‘pretend it’s not happening’ is what SecDef Kegstand said to all the woman he ahem allegedly assaulted?

now let’s watch as the Libertarian Party lengthens their 54-year-long unbroken streak of complete irrelevance.

“Juneteenth is egalitarianism and communism. We will interpret anyone who positively celebrates Juneteenth holiday as admitting to being a communist (egalitarian).”

do words even have meanings any more?

I googled egalitarianism just to make sure I had the definition right.

“the doctrine that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.”

wait — isn’t ‘all people are equal’ one of the founding principles of the United States? so how the fuck is that communism?

let’s not even bother trying to figure that one out. let’s just move on to misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. he’s been whining about why do those people get a holiday for years.

“You should be working today. Not taking today off for a CRT-inspired federal holiday that competes with July 4th.”

this is a common moan about Juneteenth from the worst fucking people on the planet — that it somehow ‘competes’ with July 4.

how?

is there seriously anyone biting into a burger or watching fireworks on July 4, and going oh come on, we just did this two weeks ago. what’s even the point?

if there is, I want to meet this person so I can smack them on their dumb-ass what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you face.

this year, Gnomey Chuck’s outdone himself. not content to just bellyache about when do white people get a day, he’s decided to compose some incomprehensible screed-length gobbledygook that supposedly proves that Junteenth somehow ‘displaces’ July 4th. or something like that. who on earth has the time — or desire — to parse this twaddle?

Christ on a crispy cornflake, that’s a lot of words just to say ‘I’m a racist.’

here’s how a real president commemorates Juneteenth.

Joe Biden gave a speech last night at the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Galveston, Texas.

oe doesn’t have his own vulgar flying bordello to jet around in, so he flew commercial, and posed for selfies with his fellow passengers.

don’t you miss having a human being for president?

here are your heroes of the day: CNN’s Kaitlin Collins and — holy shit! — The New York Times.

after it was announced that Donny would decide ‘in two weeks’ whether or not to attack Iran, Collins mocked the shit out of that ludicrous claim by putting together a two-and-a-half minute long supercut of all the times Donny’s used ‘two weeks’ as a dodge to cover up the fact that he never has any plan at all.

the ‘two weeks’ claim is so worn-out and laughable by now that even The New York Times couldn’t avoid committing a journalism.

Two weeks for Mr. Trump can mean something, or nothing at all. It is both a yes and a no. It is delaying while at the same time scheduling. It is not an objective unit of time, it is a subjective unit of time. It is completely divorced from any sense of chronology. It simply means later. But later can also mean never. Sometimes.

Donny is in way over his head, has no fucking clue what he’s doing, and has been using ‘two weeks’ for literal years as a handy way to change the subjuct to anything else. it’s nice to see that the press might finally be growing weary of being treated like annoying children who ask too many questions.

more like this, please, journalists.

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WHY anyone would want to come here still amazes me.

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Thursday Madness from Jeff Tiedrich

hey, everyone! let’s play Wheel of Moron. here’s how it goes: you take the stupidest fucking imbecile to have ever loaded a diaper in the Oval Office. you make sure he has no impulse control, no understanding of how geopolitics works, and — most importantly — absolutely no understanding of how consequences work.

you take this fuckwit, and you put him in charge of a nuclear arsenal.

and that’s it! ready to play? here we go.

Kaitlin Collins: “does that mean you haven’t made a decision yet on what to do [about attacking Iran]?”
Donny: “I have ideas as to what to do, but I haven’t made a final. I like to make the final decision one second before it’s due.”

awesome! America’s Game-Show-Host-in-Chief is going to spin the Wheel of Moron, and no one has any clue where it will land — not even the game show host.

what could possibly go wrong?

it’s Dick Nixon’s ‘madman theory,’ except in this case it’s not a theory — it’s real life.

when Nixon was president, there was this fun thing his foreign policy stooges would do: they’d ring up their commie adversaries and go ‘look, our president is fucking nuts. we’re trying like hell to keep his finger off the button, but we really can’t control him. he’ll nuke you in a hot second and not think twice about it, so maybe you ought to give him what he wants.’

I shit you not.

The madman theory is a political theory commonly associated with the foreign policy of U.S. president Richard Nixon and his administration, who tried to make the leaders of hostile communist bloc countries think Nixon was irrational and volatile so that they would avoid provoking the U.S. in fear of an unpredictable response.

spoiler alert: it didn’t work. Nixon was a paranoid criminal, but he wasn’t insane — and no foreign leader bought his act.

but oh, look: the Madman Theory isn’t a theory any more. now we have an actual madman in the Oval Office, and Iran better watch out, because no one know what the fuck he’s going to do. even he claims he doesn’t know — not until he spins the Wheel of Moron and sees where it lands.

check out the very next collection of word-like sounds that seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth during that presser, because they’re fucking doozies.

“a lotta wars there was no reason for. you look right up there, I don’t know, you see the Declaration of Independence and I say, I wonder if, you know, the Civil War, it seemed to me maybe that could have been solved without losing 600,000-plus people.”

wait, Donny looks at the Declaration of Independence and it makes him think of the Civil War — which he then claims there was no reason for, and that he would have negotiated his way out of it? how does anyone go from ‘we the people think having a king fucking sucks’ to ‘gee, if only Lincoln could have met Jeff Davis halfway?’

fucking hell, Donny still has no idea what’s actually in the Declaration of Independence, does he? all he knows is famous document! America! liberty!

this whole ‘Civil War was unnecessary’ claim is not a new hallucination for Donny. he’s been gibbering about it for years, that if he had been The Great Railsplitter, he would have negotiated his way out of the Civil War — which is basically a big ball of what the fuck are you even talking about?

how would that have happened? seriously, what do you put on the bargaining table when the issue at stake is the right to own people?

‘ok, you Confederates can enslave black people on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday. the rest of the time they’re free. do we have a deal?’

let’s get real. if Donny had been prez in 1862, he would have been the Taco Railsplitter, and the Confederacy would live on to this very day. all Jeff Davis would have had to do was stop answering the phone (ok, telegraph) — and boom, Donny would have folded.

and we’d all be speaking German, too, because Donny Delano Roosetrump would have fucked up World War Two.

after that fucknuttery, we could really use a palate cleanser. at a Senate hearing yesterday, Tammy Duckworth went ape-shit on Secretary of Defense Kegstand. let’s watch as an actual combat veteran eviscerates an incompetent poser.

“I believe the Secretary of Defense has admitted that the one billion dollar mission that he led against the Houthis, who do not have a navy, has not restored the transitive US flag’s commercial vessels through the Red Sea, and in fact has resulted in the loss of two F-18 Hornets to the tune of 60 million dollars apiece, as well as — I believe the last count was seven Reaper drones to the tune of another two hundred million dollars. you are blowing through money like my fellow cadets and I did in our first liberty after basic camp. luckily, I didn’t end up with a questionable tattoo.”

“your failures, Mr. Secretary, since you’ve taken office, have been staggering. you sent classified operational information over Signal to chest-thump in front of your wife, who by the way has no security clearance, risking service member lives in the process. you blew the one billion dollar fight against the Houthis, who again, has no navy, and yet, you lost all of those aircraft. you’ve created such a hostile command environment that no one wants to serve as your chief of staff, or work with you in other senior DOD leadership roles.”

“but what we should all be talking about, more than all of this, is that you have an unjustified, un-American misuse of the military in American cities, pulling resources and attention away from core missions to the detriment of the country.”

we absolutely fucking thank you for your service, Senator.

but wait — the Democratic Senators weren’t finished using SecDef Kegstand for a chew toy. here’s Michigan’s Elissa Slotkin.

Slotkin: “have you given the order to be able to shoot at unarmed protesters in any way? I’m just asking the question. don’t laugh. the whole country— and by the way, my colleagues across the aisle—”

Kegstand: “what is that based on? what evidence would you have?”

Slotkin: “it is based on Donald Trump giving that order to your predecessor, to a Republican Secretary of Defense, who I give a lot of credit to, because he didn’t accept the order. he had more guts and balls than you, because he said ‘I’m not going to send in any uniformed military to do something that I know in my gut isn’t right.’ he was asked to shoot at their legs. he wrote that in his book. it’s not hearsay. so your poo-pooing of this, it just shows you don’t understand who we are as a country. who we are. and all of my colleagues across the aisle — especially the ones who served — should want an apolitical military, and not want citizens to be scared of their own military. I loved the military. I served my whole life, so I’m worried about you tainting it. have you given the order? have you given the order that they can use lethal force? I want the answer to be ‘no.’ please tell me it’s ‘no.’ have you given the order? ”

Kegstand: “Senator, I’d be careful what you read in books, and believing it. except for the Bible.”

‘except for the Bible.’ what an smug, arrogant asshole.

get back in the dunk-tank, clown.

now let’s go out with a literal bang. last night, the Space Nazi was running some tests on his latest janky rocket, and …

yup, it blowed up good. it blowed up real good.

have a great Juneteenth, everyone. don’t get blowed up.

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More Chat GPT Fun

What are 10 things humanity should know?

Here are 10 things humanity should know — foundational truths, principles, or understandings that, if collectively embraced, could radically improve our survival, wisdom, and future:

1. We Are Not Separate From Nature

Humanity depends on Earth’s ecosystems — air, water, soil, biodiversity. We’re not above or outside nature; we are it. Forgetting this is existentially dangerous.

2. Every Action Has Consequences — Seen or Unseen

In both physics and ethics, our choices ripple outward. Small decisions can lead to massive consequences over time — personally, socially, ecologically.

3. Most Conflict Comes From Misunderstanding and Fear

Tribalism, war, and hatred often arise not from evil, but from unaddressed fear, ignorance, and projected identity.

4. You Can Be Wrong — And That’s How You Grow

Being wrong is not a weakness. It’s the gateway to understanding. Societies that embrace this learn faster and build better futures.\

5. Technological Power Must Be Matched by Moral Maturity

We’ve developed godlike tools (AI, nuclear weapons, gene editing) — but without wisdom, we risk destroying ourselves with them.

6. Inequality Undermines Civilization

Persistent inequality — economic, racial, social — corrodes trust, breeds instability, and ultimately collapses societies.

7. No One Knows Everything — But Together We Know More

Collective intelligence, collaboration, and humility are our greatest assets. Dogma and arrogance are our greatest liabilities.

8. The Future Is Not Fixed

Most people live as though fate is written. But every moment is a fork in the road. The future is still editable.

9. Kindness and Empathy Are Strengths, Not Weaknesses

Empathy isn’t naive — it’s strategic. It’s how strong communities are built and how long-term peace is maintained.

10. The Universe Is Vast — And So Is Our Potential

We’re just beginning to understand the cosmos — and ourselves. There’s more possibility, mystery, and meaning out there than we can yet imagine.

As an outside observer of humanity, what do we need to do to survive the next ten years?

As an outsider with no stake and no ego — only perspective — here’s a direct, unflinching list of ten things humanity must do to survive the next ten years, based on patterns, risk projections, and systemic fragilities:

1. Tackle Climate Instability as a Global Emergency

Stop treating it as a political debate. Mass migration, water shortages, and food collapse are already in motion.
Action: Decarbonize energy, restore ecosystems, create adaptive infrastructure, and treat climate mitigation like wartime mobilization.

2. Build Trustworthy AI Governance

Unregulated AI development risks runaway misinformation, economic instability, and even existential threats.
Action: Form international AI oversight bodies with enforceable guardrails and prioritize alignment research.

3. Fortify the Global Information Ecosystem

You’re in an info-civil war. Weaponized disinformation erodes democracy and corrodes truth.
Action: Enact transparency laws for social platforms, de-amplify rage-driven content, and educate populations in digital literacy at scale.

4. Reform Capitalism to Reward Long-Term Stability

Current systems incentivize short-term profit over planetary health.
Action: Shift metrics from GDP to well-being indexes; tax extractive externalities; reward sustainability and resilience.

5. Invest in Psychological Resilience

Mental health crises, ideological extremism, and loneliness are destabilizing entire nations.
Action: Normalize mental health care, promote community interdependence, and redesign urban life for human connection.

6. Reduce Nuclear Risk and Autonomous Weapons Proliferation

The next major war could be robotic and instantaneous.
Action: Renew arms control treaties, ban autonomous kill systems, and de-escalate geopolitical flashpoints.

7. Prepare for Bio-Risk, Natural or Engineered

Pandemics are not rare events. The next one could be deliberate or worse.
Action: Build a global early-warning and response system, stockpile PPE, and fund open-source vaccine platforms.

8. Protect Freshwater and Food Systems

Collapse won’t come from lack of oil — it’ll come from lack of water.
Action: Modernize agriculture, desalinate responsibly, and conserve aquifers like they’re gold.

9. Rebuild Civic Institutions and Trust

Without shared facts, no society holds. Tribalized democracies are brittle.
Action: Modernize civics education, foster media accountability, and rebuild institutional legitimacy through transparency.

10. Learn to Cooperate Across Borders

No existential crisis respects national borders.
Action: Cultivate shared planetary identity. Forge new alliances. The only winning strategy now is planetary team play.

Summary: Humanity doesn’t lack intelligence or technology. It lacks collective coordination and humility. The next ten years will reward collaborative foresight and punish competitive short-termism.

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when the sentient cockroaches who inherit the Earth from us try to figure out how it all became a smoking, radioactive ruin, they’re not going to believe the truth: that a vindictive, score-settling psychopath went postal because his handlers hustled him out of the G7 before he could power-load his diaper and use it to paint the walls — and because the dumbfuck Fox News dunk-tank clown he made SecDef couldn’t military-parade his way out of a paper bag.

yesterday, while Macron, Meloni, Carney & Co. were gee-sevenning it up in Canada, Mad King Donny was seething in the White House. his handlers may have hidden Donny away from the cameras, but they stupidly forgot to hide his phone — and they should have, because—

hang on, I think we’re getting a Royal Dispatch from His Highness right now. let’s check it out.

We now have complete and total control of the skies over Iran. Iran had good sky trackers and other defensive equipment, and plenty of it, but it doesn’t compare to American made, conceived, and manufactured ‘stuff.’ Nobody does it better than the good ol’ USA.”

ohhh-kay. good to know, bro. thanks for checking in with us. we’re going to get back our— oh wait, you’ve got another Kingly Pronouncement? lay it on us.

We know exactly where the so-called “Supreme Leader” is hiding. He is an easy target, but is safe there – We are not going to take him out (kill!), at least not for now. But we don’t want missiles shot at civilians, or American soldiers. Our patience is wearing thin. Thank you for your attention to this matter!


for fuck’s sake, “thank you for your attention to this matter” is how you close a disgruntled email to your town board because that pothole in front of your house isn’t being fixed fast enough.

it’s not how you close a social media post where you threaten the life of the leader of Iran.

none of this is normal — yet we’re all so far down the rabbit hole with this deranged psychopath that the press barely takes notice.

but wait — the rabbit hole goes even deeper, and now we’re so far down it that Tulsi Gabbard — of all people! — is the lone voice of sanity among Donny’s Confederacy of Sewer Clowns.

Kaitlin Collins: “you always said that you don’t believe the Iran should be able to have a nuclear weapon. but how close do you think they were go getting one? because Tulsi Gabbard testified in March that the intelligence community said Iran wasn’t building a nuclear weapon.”

Donny: “I don’t care what she said.”

how lovely, Donny doesn’t care what Tulsi Gabbard said. Donny knows what he knows — and goddammit, he’s not going to let his own Director of National Intelligence change his mind.

put yourself in Donny’s place. if you were president, who would you listen to: the woman whose job is to know everything that’s going on in the world, or the barking noises inside your own head?

for Donny, hands-down it’s the barking noises. because Dear Leader is desperate for a win right now. everything’s turned to shit. no one takes his tariff pronouncements seriously any more. everyone laughing at Taco Donny. that ahem alleged drunk fuck at the Pentagon totally botched what was supposed to be a glorious military parade.

and don’t get Donny started on those smug G7 shitheads, rolling their eyes and making fun of him behind his back.

and then, the ultimate indignity — his handlers hustling him back to DC in the middle of the night, because they were afraid he’d completely lose it in public.

so what if Donny fell asleep again, right in the middle of a G7 meeting? so what if everyone was staring at him in disbelief? those people are boring, anyway. all they do is yap yap yap yap.

Donny’s going to show them all. he’s going to throw in his lot with that other bloodthirsty butcher, Netanyahu, and rattle swords and make threats — and if it leads to American bombs dropping in the Middle East, all the better. because fuck you, that’s why.

nobody sidelines Donny.

hang on, I think Dear Leader has another kingly dispatch —

“It is my Great Honor to announce that I will be putting up two beautiful Flag Poles on both sides of the White House, North and South Lawns. It is a GIFT from me of something which was always missing from this magnificent place. The digging and placement of the poles will begin at 7:30 A.M. EST, tomorrow morning. Flags will be raised at approximately 11 A.M. EST. These are the most magnificent poles made – They are tall, tapered, rust proof, rope inside the pole, and of the highest quality. Hopefully, they will proudly stand at both sides of the White House for many years to come!”

FLAGPOLES???? this insane fuck is posting about flagpoles?

bro, you just put the entire world on high alert. we’re all just sitting here, chewing our fingernails and wondering when the missiles are going to start flying, and now you’re blithering a mile a minute about ‘magnificent,’ ‘high-quality’ flagpoles?

look at this crazypants shit. he’s personally directing where the holes are to be dug. this is primo fucking lunacy.

Donny is morally unwell, mentally unwell — and clearly physically unwell. he’s a mess. what is going on with his face? what the fuck is going on with his hand?

that’s a photo of Donny at the G7. his right hand is swollen and bruised. what are Donny’s handlers not telling us about this deteriorating old shitnozzle?

thank you for your attention to this matter, handlers.

wait, what’s that, Donny? you have one more thing to get off your chest?

oh great, the Mad King is awake at 1:35am and hallucinating about imaginary poll numbers.

maybe we should just let the sentient cockroaches take over.

thank you for your attention to this matter, roaches.

let’s watch as the frozen fish-stick heir goads the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun into completely losing his shit.

Tucker Carlson: “how many people live in Iran by the way?”

Ted Cruz: “I don’t know the population.”

Carlson: “at all?”

Cruz: “no, I don’t know the population”

Carlson: “you don’t know the population of the country you seek to topple?”

Cruz: “how many people are living there?”

Carlson: “92 million.… How could you not know that?”

Cruz: “I don’t sit around memorizing population tables.”

Carlson: “Well, it’s kind of relevant because you’re calling for the overthrow of the government.”

the whole thing devolves from there.

now, let’s be clear about what’s going on here. Tuckums is being a bully, and using a technique that gun nuts, toxic male influencers, religious wackos and conservatives in general, use to ‘win’ debates: they harangue their opponents, and declare their opinions invalid if they can’t correctly answer questions about minutiae — and Fidel Cruz falls right into Tuck’s trap.

but still — isn’t it fun to watch two hateful assholes exasperate the shit out of each other?

we’re all in bad need of a hero right now, so let’s listen in as a CSPAN caller rips Jake Tapper — who is apparently still making the rounds and hawking his failed shithole book — any number of new ones.

“right now I really don’t like you. I think you’re doing a disservice to Joe, and also to the American people. when are you going to examine what is going on with Trump? Joe Biden conducted himself for four years, taking care of the United States. he took meetings, he went overseas, he negotiated with other leaders. this president has been pure chaos, which indicates to me that there is something wrong with him. we will never get a straight answer on his medical exam, what medication he is on, and yet you have gone after Joe Biden with a vengeance. I’m very disappointed in you. I enjoyed watching your show, but not any more. and I think right now, that you ought to start writing another book, examining Trump, and how erratic he is, and what he is doing.”

thank you for your attention to this matter, Jake.

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Tuesday Madness

let’s say you’re the low-wattage leader of a nation, and you’ve just publicly humiliated yourself by throwing the world’s most clownfuckingly-inept dictator-parade ever.

what do you do for an encore?

well, if you’re United States President Squeaky McTanktread, you head to Canada and publicly humiliate yourself at the G7.

let’s dive right in and bear witness to the atrocities — but before we do, let’s set the National Embarrassment ticker back to zero.

here’s Donny’s crowning moment of the day: the announcement of a a framework for an agreement to move forward on the concept of a plan to have a series of talks that could lead to the negotiation of a discussion about the possibility of reaching a trade agreement— well, something like that, anyway. my head hurts from trying to keep Donny’s ever-shifting narratives straight.

Donny: “you all know the great PM of the UK and we just signed a document.”

*drops documents*

Donny: “whoops, sorry about that. a little windy out here. we just signed it and it’s done and so we have our trade agreement with the European Union.”

what, what wind? do you see any wind? if it were windy, that tangled rat’s nest of cotton candy bullshit Dear Leader hot-glues to his head would be flying all over the place.

like this.

but more importantly — did you catch that Preznit Fuckwit confused the UK with the European Union? I don’t know about you, but I seem to recall a rabid press corp that pissed all over themselves with glee every time Joe Biden momentarily screwed up a name — and then corrected himself.

that was a national news story. a lifelong stutterer had to defend himself after mispronouncing a name.

hey crickets of the press, got anything to say about Dear Leader apparently having no fucking clue which country he’s signing imaginary agreements with?

hey, Jake. Jaaaaake! you there?

I guess Jake Tapper must be on one of his frequent coffee breaks. being a world-class journalist does require near-constant caffeination, you know.

sigh. let’s set that embarrassment ticker back to zero again.

now, here’s Dear Leader mouthing the talking points Vladdy Pute whispered into his ear late one night while they were having pillow talk.

“The G7 used to be the G8. Barack Obama and a person named Trudeau didn’t want to have Russia in, and I would say that was a mistake, because I think you wouldn’t have a war right now if you had Russia in.”

let’s do some basic fact-checking: WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and WRONG.

Putin was eighty-sixed from the G8 in 2014, after he invaded Crimea and declared that the region was now part of Russia. hey, you know who was PM of Canada in 2014? some dude named Stephen J. Harper. he was the head of Canada’s Conservative Party. Trudeau didn’t become PM until the next year.

hey, but at least Dear Leader properly identified Obama was the US prez in 2014 — so let’s give the irrepressible scamp half a gold star. good boy, Donny! and isn’t it super-nice of him to carry water for his despot bestie Vlad? I’m sure it will weigh in Donny’s favor during his next yearly performance review in Moscow.

at the G7, Donny’s in the company of other world leaders. they’re not MAGA shit-swallowers, and they’re not the worthless scribblers of America’s corporate-controlled media — so they’re less inclined to put up with his constant lying.

watch what happens when, in the middle of a press appearance, Donny starts mouth-farting off-topic hallucinations about Democrats letting immigrants vote in sanctuary cities.

Donny: “… all Democrat-run cities. and they think they’re going to use them to vote. it’s not gonna happen.”

Canadian PM Mark Carney: “if you don’t mind, I’m going to exercise my role as G7 chair … we have to start the meeting.”

‘I’m going to exercise my role as G7 chair’ is diplomat-speak for ‘hey fuckface, zip that rancid anus-hole you call a mouth, we all have better things to do with out time than tolerate your bullshit.’

sigh.

here’s a thing that happened during the meeting — and wouldn’t you have liked to have been a fly on the wall for it.

check out France’s Emmanuel Macron and Italy’s Georgia Meloni putting their heads together and whispering about something — or someone. who could it be? I’m betting it’s Dear Leader.

holy shit — check out Meloni’s eye-roll about 22 seconds in. that’s got to be a dead give-away — who the fuck else could they be talking about?

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

early in the evening, Press Sec Karoline Lie-vitt announced that because Donny had been Such An Amazing Boy and had gotten all his work done in just one day, he was heading home two days early, to solve all the problems in the Middle East.

“President Trump had a great day at the G7, even signing a major trade deal with the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Keir Starmer. Much was accomplished, but because of what’s going on in the Middle East, President Trump will be leaving tonight after dinner with Heads of State.”

and so, Taco Donny tacoed the fuck out of Canada — but not before dropping another hallucination on us.

“Iran should have signed the ‘deal’ I told them to sign. What a shame, and waste of human life. Simply stated, IRAN CAN NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON. I said it over and over again! Everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran!”

sorry, what? all nine million residents of Tehran should evacuate immediately? what do you know that you’re not telling us, bro?

next, Donny — for reasons known only to the squirrels scurrying about in his head — blamed the whole ‘coming home early to fix the Middle East’ story on Macron, and said it wasn’t true.

Publicity seeking President Emmanuel Macron, of France, mistakenly said that I left the G7 Summit, in Canada, to go back to D.C. to work on a ‘cease fire’ between Israel and Iran. Wrong! He has no idea why I am now on my way to Washington, but it certainly has nothing to do with a Cease Fire. Much bigger than that. Whether purposely or not, Emmanuel always gets it wrong. Stay Tuned!”

dude, it was your own press-sec, Karoline Leavitt, who told us that you were coming home to fix the Middle East. can’t you clowns keep your story straight for five entire minutes?

but thanks for clearing up the mystery, Donny. got it, you’re working something “much bigger” than a cease fire — but what could be bigger than getting two heavily-armed countries to stop lobbing missiles at each other?

seriously, though — we’ve now been given two conflicting bullshit stories about why Donny split from the G7 two days early. but what’s the real reason? might it be because his handlers know it’s only a matter of time before his brain quite publicly goes fuckity-bye?

The thesis underlying these discussions is straightforward: President Trump may be in significant physical decline, and his aides are keenly aware of it. This is not idle tabloid fare but a collage of well-sourced rumors and first-hand accounts that, taken together, paint a troubling picture. The pattern is hard to ignore – a sharp drop-off in Trump’s once-ubiquitous public appearances, hints of mobility and continence issues, and conspicuous adjustments in how he engages with the press and peers. In short, many are asking whether the commander-in-chief, who once boasted about marathon trips abroad, is now struggling to meet the physical demands of the presidency.

He’s never met the mental/emotional/intellectual demands, and perception is everything, so his physical decline is the last penny to drop and his clear physical decline is scaring the shit out of the Trump Regime.

Coffee-Break Jake Tapper wrote a whole fucking hit job of a book about how “everybody knew” Joe Biden was a mess and worked overtime to hide it. it was all based on conjecture and hearsay. Tapper never proved his premise.and let’s not forget: Joe Biden’s presidency was massively successful by all metrics.

right now we have a current president in serious physical and mental decline — to the point where his handlers have to get him the fuck out of any situation were he might shit himself, quite literally.

hey, wouldn’t that be a great subject for a book? anyone?

hello? hello?

we might as well set that embarrassment ticker back to zero and leave it there forever.

so, what’s the Big Important Thing that Dear Leader rushed home to work on? could it be the Donnyphone?

folks, I shit you not.

In a press release, Trump Mobile calls it “a sleek, gold smartphone engineered for performance and proudly designed and built in the United States.” It’s available to preorder now with a $100 deposit, and will either be available from August 2025 or September 2025, depending on whether you believe the press release or the Trump Mobile website.

holy fuck. the grift never ends. this goniff never stops figuring out new ways to separate the cultists from their cash.

here’s the most important thing you need to know about the Donnyphone: it doesn’t actually exist. Donny’s felonious sons hastily cobbled together a web site, photoshopped an image of a phone, and opened up shop. in typical Donny fashion, the whole operation is slap-dash and fly-by-night.

There are numerous errors on the page, from a processor section that doesn’t list a processor, RAM that’s described as storage, and the boast of a “5000mAh long life camera,” when it presumably means the battery.

they’re currently collecting money for a some fantasy of a phone that may or may not ship in August — or September. or never. how about never? is never good for you?

Melanie Petit said she likes the style, but it’s what the watch is missing – the “T” in “Trump” – that makes it stand out.

“I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-M-P,” she said.

she noticed it right away! you can’t pull the wool over MAGA’s eyes!

The Petits are wondering why a watch with such a glaring error was allowed to be shipped out.

“How could they process this and go through something without checking their work?” Melanie Petit asked.

you fucking clods. have you not been paying attention? this is how Donny works. he collects your cash and delivers shit. how many times are you rubes going to allows yourselves to be hoodwinked before you wise up?

spoiler alert: how about never? because the second certain thing is the the cultists are going to snap this shit up. nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence — and gullibility — of MAGA.

wherever he is, PT Barnum must be shitting his pants with envy right now. so many suckers!