Month: June 2025

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Thursday Madness

pinch me, I’m dreaming.

Comer Fudd — the banjo kid from Deliverance who somehow grew up to chair the House Oversight Committee — is at it again.

Congress’ rake-steppingest glutton for punishment is fucking livid right now.

Joe Biden is old? why didn’t anyone tell me that Joe Biden is old? this does not happen on my watch. we’re gonna git to the bottom of this.

“at the end of the day, we may demand that he had to come in and uh answer questions. and uh they could refuse to do that. so I’m gonna announce on your show tonight that he will receive a subpoena tomorrow, Dr. O’Connor will be the first person to receive an official subpoena. we’re serious about these people coming in, so now he’s gonna hafta come in and do a full-blown deposition as opposed to a transcribed interview.”

ooooooh, an official subpoena. so much scarier than an unofficial subpoena.

oh my god, this ass-clown is really going to go there. he’s going to try to blow up an 82-year-old former president’s cancer diagnosis into a scandal.

here’s what I say: go ahead. make our day.

here we go again. for four years, Comer Fudd and his partner in idiocy, the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach Jim Jordan, wasted the entire country’s time on an endless series of hearings into the imaginary crimes of Joe Biden — and the only thing the Jimmies ever really proved was that Hunter Biden is the owner of a freakishly ginormous trouser snake.

so now, Comer Fudd’s going to drag Joe Biden’s doctor, Kevin O’Connor, into some interrogation room, shine the brights lights on him, and give him the third degree.

out with it, pal. how old is Joe Biden? how old? HOW OLD???

for fuck’s sake, there’s no scandal here. Joe Biden developed a rare, fast-growing, aggressive cancer. it happens. it’s a tragedy, not a scandal.

let’s assume, however, for the sake of argument, that the diaper-fillers and the finger-pointers are correct — that Joe Biden developed this cancer during his presidency and kept it a secret. somebody please explain how it’s a scandal. explain it to me like I’m five years old, because I’m just not getting it. so fucking what? did it change the course of history? absolutely not.Biden dropped out of the race, and the Democrats lost the presidency, the House and the Senate.

you’d think that literally winning everything would be enough for these fuckface shitweasels — but no, it’s not enough. they have to kick Joe Biden when he’s down — because they’re psychopaths, and, as always, cruelty is the point.

look, you creeps — you want a realscandal to investigate? here you go: there is a president right now in the Oval Office whose brain has quite obviously gone fuckity-bye. we know jack shit about his health.we’ve never ever seen one actual medical report on the overweight 78-year-old who never exercises, lives on a diet of junk food, and brags about being able to point to the drawing of a camel.

how about someone subpoena Mad King Donny’s doctor and ask him how an allegedly blown-to-bits ear magically grows back with no scarring in less than a week’s time. I’d really fucking love to know how that’s possible.

Comer Fudd is hoping to depose Dr. O’Connor behind closed doors, because then he can lie about what was said, just as he did over and over during his farcical attempts to impeach Biden.

but I’m hoping that a closed-door session doesn’t satisfy Comer. I’m rooting for Comer to announce public hearings, because the country could really use a good laugh right now.

we need a round of good-old clownfucktacular hearings like we had all through Biden’s presidency, where an unprepared Comer got repeatedly dick-punched by Democrats like Jasmine Crockett and Jared Moskowitz.

let’s saunter down memory lane. remember this, from September 2023?

“but when we start talking about things that look like evidence, they want to act like they blind. they don’t know what this is. these are our national secrets, looks like in the shitter to me. this looks like more evidence of our national secrets, on a stage at Mar-a-Lago. … I could go on, but he’s got 91 counts pending right now. but I will tell you what President Biden has been guilty of: loving his child unconditionally, and that is the only evidence that they have brought forward, and honestly, I hope and pray that my parents love me half as much as he loves his child. until they find some evidence, we need to get back to the peoples’ work, which means keeping this government open so that people don’t go hungry in the streets of the United States, and I will yield.”

or how about this, from March 2024

Moskowitz: “I just think we should do it today. let’s just call for it. I’ll make the motion, Mr. Chairman, I want to help you out. you can second it, right? I make the motion to impeach President Biden. go ahead. your turn. you can second it.”
Comer: “gggyyyy”
Moskowitz: “no. nothing. ok, we got nothing. so, with my last couple of minutes, I want to show the American people that they’re never going to impeach Joe Biden. it’s never going to happen. because they don’t have the evidence. ok? this is a show. it’s all fake.”

“no evidence” — that’s why Comer Fudd always came out of those dog-and-pony shows looking like a damned fool. he never had any evidence. just a feeling that Joe Biden is guilty of crimes because of course Joe Biden is guilty of crimes.no, Jimmy, that’s not how it works. that’s not how any of this works. if you make an accusation, you back it up with evidence.

and now, Comer’s going to make all those same mistakes all over again. because once again, he has no evidence that Joe Biden covered up his cancer diagnosis. just feelings.

come on, Comer. hold some hearings. you know you want to.

and now, in related — but no less stupid — news, look at this supreme bit of fucknuttery.

In an executive order, Mr. Trump put the power and resources of the federal government to work examining whether some of Mr. Biden’s presidential actions were legally invalid because his aides had enacted those policies without his knowledge.

Donny is hella mad about all the preemptive pardons that Biden issued to Donny’s enemies, because now he can’t go after General Milley or Dr. Fauci for their imaginary crimes. so Donny’s convinced himself that all those pardons are invalid because Biden didn’t actually sign them himself.

yeah, no. there’s no ahem evidence that Biden’s aides pulled any of that kind of shit, but so what? Donny doesn’t need evidence. like Comer Fudd, Donny has feelings.

there’s no evidence that Joe Biden was executed in 2020 and replaced by a robot, but that didn’t stop Donny from posting exactly that on his failing app

so, let’s recap. the current entity pretending to be Joe Biden is a not-smart malfunctioning crime-robot with cancer. and, on top of that, the BidenBot5000™ is so demented that his handlers were able to sign documents without his knowledge.

does Donny ever listen to any of the crap that oozes out of his rancid anus-mouth?

by the way, here’s a fact check. presidential pardons don’t need to be signed. there’s nothing in the Constitution that requires it. this whole fucking obsession of Donny’s is just one more waste of everyone’s time.

all this batshittery is ludicrous, but it serves a purpose. it functions as a distraction, meant to take the public’s eye off the ‘big beautiful bill’ that guts Medicaid in order to hand our oligarch overlords another round of extravagant tax cuts.

it’s also a distraction from Donny’s own absymal failings as a president, and a human being.

hey, is anyone in the mood for a taco right now?

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Choose Wisely

I have a feeling humanity will go with Option #2…

I fear the Star Trek universe will never be a part of this timeline.

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Truth

And the other half is because MSM reporters are nothing more than a stenography pool, blindly regurgitating whatever Mango Mussolini or his minions spew out.

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Slava Ukraini!

Trump and Vance said Zelenskyy should obey. Take what Russia offers. Get nothing in return.

The worst advice from two groomed traitors.

“You don’t have the cards,” will go down in history as the worst military assessment. Now the draft-dodging doofus wants a parade with tanks and soldiers. What a joke.

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Tuesday Madness

it’s a well-known fact that expertise is not the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns’ strong suit. pretty much the whole worthless lot of them are low-voltage ignoramuses who don’t know shit about shit.

look no further than the Secretary of Health and Human Services. he doesn’t know how germs work. the Director of Homeland Security doesn’t know how human rights work. the Defense Secretary doesn’t know how sobriety works. neither does the Attorney for the District of Columbia.

how about the imbecile who rules them all? Dear Leader hasn’t a clue how not being a ginormous fuckwad works.

so none of us should be surprised that, when asked if he was ready for hurricane season, Donny’s new head of FEMA was all ‘hurri-what now?’

Staff of the Federal Emergency Management Agency were left baffled on Monday after the head of the U.S. disaster agency said he had not been aware the country has a hurricane season, according to four sources familiar with the situation.

The remark was made during a briefing by David Richardson, who has led FEMA since early May.

hurricane season, David. how do you not know about hurricane season? look, bro, let me explain. every year, starting in June and continuing through November, conditions in the Caribbean— holy shit, David, did your eyes glaze over already? what the fuck?

where does Donny find these people?

the obvious guess would be Fox News — but I’m looking at Richardson’s bio page at FEMA.com and he’s not from Fox. another fun fact gleaned from David’s bio is that he’s a combat veteran and an expert in dealing with WMDs — which is pretty fucking cool, but not a qualification to head FEMA. in fact, there’s nothing in his resume about emergency management, which — spoiler alert — is what the E and the M in FEMA stand for.

look, I know that Mad King Donny hates FEMA and wants to kill it — and the best way to do that is hire some unqualified toady to mismanage the shit out of the joint — but how did this guy somehow not even hear about hurricane season by accident?

it’s fucking impressive that David Richardson has apparently gone his whole life without walking past a TV, hearing the words ‘hurricane season,’ and having it sink into his dome by osmosis.

Richardson now claims he was just joshing. yeah, right. that’s the standard Sewer Clown dodge whenever one of them gets caught committing a stupid. come one, it was all a big joke. where’s your sense of humor?

fact check: the ignorance. it burns.

while we’re on the subject of not knowing, White House Energy Vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett apparently doesn’t understand how the passage of time works.

George Stephanopoulos: “when will we see an actual trade agreement? will we see any this week?”

Hassett: “I expected we were probably going to see one perhaps as early as last week.”

very nice Jedi mind trick there from Kevin Hassett. when asked if something will happen this week, Kevin makes a bold prediction about what will happen last week — and then gets it wrong.

beautiful stuff. peak Sewer Clown.

fact check: on April 12, Mad King Donny announced that he would be making “90 deals in 90 days.” fifty-two days have passed since then. we have yet to see one deal.

Kasie Hunt: “did you ever witness Elon Musk under the influence of drugs?”

Hassett: “not in a million years. he’s a person who is so filled with joy that it’s just a natural way that he is.”

oh, please. check out the Space Nazi’s behavior during his fake-farewell press conference last Friday.

fact check: he’s zonked out of his fucking mind.

oh yeah. that’s natural. no drug use at all, uh huh. clearly, the guy is just high on life.

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

does House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson understand how not lying works?

Kristen Welker: “if the big beautiful bill does add to the debt, will Trump own it?”

Holy Mike: “it’s not gonna add to the debt.”

Welker: “experts say this will add trillions to the deficit. can you really guarantee this will not add one penny of debt?”

Holy Mike: “I’m telling you this is going to reduce the deficit.”

fact check: the ‘big beautiful bill’ is going to explode the deficit.

Six Nobel laureate economists said a massive budget bill passed by House lawmakers last month and backed by President Trump would weaken key safety-net programs while greatly lifting the federal debt.

The tax and spending package, which Republicans have dubbed the “one big beautiful bill,” would hurt millions of Americans by slashing Medicaid and food stamps, the economists wrote in a June 2 letter on behalf of the Economic Policy Institute, a left-leaning think tank.

gee, who to believe — six Nobel laureates or the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel? it’s a goddamned conundrum.

I have a question: isn’t Holy Mike supposed to be a big proponent of the Bible?

I’m no Biblical scholar, but I seem to recall that the Good Book has this whole section in it with all these thou shalt nots — and I’m pretty sure one of the bigger shalt nots is ‘lie your fucking face off.’ I get the general sense that the Bible frowns on that kind of shit.

oh wait, maybe Holy Mike isn’t lying. perhaps he’s just a person who is so filled with joy that he’s just naturally optimistic.

yeah, that’s it.

here’s your hero of the day: actor Nick Offerman, probably best known for playing Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.

June is Pride Month — so of course the worst people in the world are rage-loading their diapers over ThE gAyS refusing to remain in the closet.

when Mike Flynn Jr — the Don Jr of the treasonous Flynn clan — tried to hijack a Ron Swanson meme and use it to broadcast his own rampant homophobia, here’s how Nick ripped him a new one.

“Ron was best man at a gay wedding you dumb fuck. #HappyPride”

fact check: true.

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Monday Madness

that’s a doozie of a headline, isn’t it? I promise, we’re going to get to it. but first, we need to talk about Mad King Donny’s Director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard.

you see, Tulsi has a wee bit of a problem. it seems her boss is a cognitively-impaired old fuckwit whose brain left the station ages ago.

I know, right? that’s the entire world’s problem, not just Tulsi’s — but here’s how working for an erratic imbecile with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel is affecting Tulsi’s ability to do her job: she can’t get Donny to even look at his daily intel briefing. so she’s been trying to figure out what the fuck to do about it.

President Donald Trump’s intelligence chief is exploring ways to revamp his routine intelligence briefing in order to build his trust in the material and make it more aligned with how he likes to consume information.

how surreal is it that Tulsi Gabbard — of all people! — has become the voice of sanity regarding national security? folks, that’s how far down the fucking rabbit hole we’ve fallen.

obviously, ‘making it more aligned with how he likes to consume information’is not a new problem. all during the Mad King’s first reign, his staffers had to pretty much trick him into reading his daily brief. they dumbed that shit down until it was just bullet points and pictures, and they’d be all look, Donny! it’s a photo of you with words underneath. can you read what those words say about you?

imagine having to treat a person in command of a nuclear arsenal as if he were a colicky baby. now imagine reelecting him. what the fuck, America?

here’s the perplexing pickle Tulsi finds herself in during the second reign of the Mad King: Donny’s brain has puddingfied to the point where even simple bullet points and photos are too complicated for the deteriorating old coot to deal with.

on top of that, Donny seems unclear on the concept of a daily brief. most days, he just waves it away. Tulsi walks into the room and he’s all get that thing away from me, for fuck’s sake, I’m watching myself on TV.

Since his inauguration Trump has taken the PDB 14 times, or on average less than once a week.

now, because Tulsi is a sewer clown, she’s come up with the most sewerclowntastic solution to her problem:

One idea that’s been discussed is possibly creating a video version of the PDB that’s made to look and feel like a Fox News broadcast.

I don’t know about you, but I’m loving this idea! the whole government is already an extension of Fox News. right now there are no fewer than twenty-three former Fox bobbleheads working for Donny.

our Secretary of Defense is a chat-show host who doubled as the buffoon they’d send out to Times Square to get piss-drunk on New Year’s Eve.

a tipsy fake TV judge is now the Attorney for DC.

so let’s go all-in. let’s turn the entire government into one big Fox studio. over at the Pentagon, Pete Kegstand already has his own makeup studio — so we’re almost there, right?

but wait — how about if Tulsi just put TV over her head and pretended to be Fox News?

think of all the money that would be saved. now that’s efficiency in government!

perhaps Tulsi should be putting Donny’s intel briefing into his Truth Social feed — but maybe it’s too late even for that. Mad King Donny is apparently already getting his daily briefings from QAnon.

(hey, I told you we’d be getting to the headline.)

look at this fever-swamp lunacy that Donny posted over the weekend.

There is no #JoeBiden – executed in 2020.
#Biden clones doubles & robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see.
#Democrats dont know the difference.

nothing to see here, right? just the president of the United States endorsing a QAnon trope that Joe Biden got snuffed years ago — and the dude we saw in the Oval Office was a robot the whole time. perfectly normal stuff.

let’s consider the double triple quadruple-think at work here.

according to Donny — and, by extention, MAGA — Joe Biden is the mastermind of an entire crime family that regularly shakes down world leaders to the tune of millions of dollars. and the whole time he’s been doing this, he’s been a drooling demented mess who no longer has any clue which end is up. ok, that makes perfect sense, right?

now, let’s slather on top of that the fact that real Joe Biden was executed (by who?) years ago and was replaced by a robot. which means that someone purposely constructed a malfunctioning crime-robot with dementia.

and, on top of all of that, now the robot has cancer — which is just fine with Donny. he doesn’t feel sorry for the malfunctioning crime-robot with cancermentia, because it’s a vicious malfunctioning crime-robot who does vicious things.

“not a smart person, but a somewhat vicious person, I will say. if you feel sorry for him, don’t feel so sorry for him, ’cause he’s vicious. what he did with his political opponent, and all of the people that he hurt. he hurt a lot of people, Biden, and so I really don’t feel sorry for him.”

to recap, Joe Biden is a not-smart malfunctioning crime-robot with cancermentia who does vicious things.

ohhhhhkay, President Pudding Cup. let’s get you to bed.

here’s another perfectly normal thing our perfectly normal president did this weekend: he threw a shitfit because no one told him about his new nickname.

Donny is fucking pissed that he had to find out from a reporter that Wall Street is mocking him.

but look at it from the standpoint of a White House staffer: do you want to be the one to tell an erratic rage-monkey that TACO stands for Trump Always Chickens Out? of course you don’t. so you’re fucked if you do and you’re fucked if you don’t. keep Donny in the loop, or hide the bad news from Donny — either way, you’re going to end up with a ketchup bottle chucked at your head.

at this point, why would anyone want to work for Mad King Donny? it’s a loser’s game. the only winning move is not to play.

buckle in, it’s only Monday. this is going to be a long week.

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All Boxes Checked

Key characteristics of a narcissistic sociopath:

Narcissistic traits:

Grandiosity: An exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement.

Need for admiration: Constantly seeking attention and praise.

Lack of empathy: Difficulty understanding or sharing the feelings of others.

Sociopathic traits:

Disregard for rules and laws: They may be indifferent to the consequences of their actions.

Manipulative behavior: They may lie, cheat, and exploit others for their own gain.

Lack of remorse: They may not feel guilt or regret for hurting others.