Month: September 2025

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Thursday Tiedrich

no, seriously. fuck you, ABC. fuck all the way off. start fucking off over here, and then just fuck yourself all the way over to there — and then keep on going, until you’ve fucked yourself right to the very edge of the universe.

and when you get there, eat the bowl of fuck that’s waiting for you.

if those previous two sentences seem familiar to you, that’s because — with the exception of substituting ABC for CBS — it’s how I opened my July 20, 2025 post, ‘CBS can pretty much fuck all the way off.’

and now, two months later, here we are all over again.

ABC announced on Wednesday evening that it was pulling Jimmy Kimmel’s late night show “indefinitely” after conservatives accused the longtime host of inaccurately describing the politics of the man who is accused of fatally shooting the right-wing activist Charlie Kirk.

unlike with CBS’s shitcanning of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, ABC and their parent company, Disney, aren’t even pretending to come up with some bullshit cover story about canceling the show for ‘financial reasons.’ no, they’re straight up admitting they just folded like a pack of cards.

“In the hours leading up to the decision to pull Jimmy Kimmel, two sources familiar with the matter say, senior executives at ABC, its owner Disney, and affiliates convened emergency meetings to figure out how to minimize the damage. Multiple execs felt that Kimmel had not actually said anything over the line, the two sources say, but the threat of Trump administration retaliation loomed.”

hey, do you know why ‘multiple execs felt that Kimmel had not actually said anything over the line’? because he fucking well didn’t cross any lines, that’s why.

here’s what Kimmel did say.

“we hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them, and doing everything they can to score political points from it. in between the finger-pointing, there was grieving. on Friday, the White House flew the flags at half staff which got some criticism but on a human level you can see how hard the president is taking this.”

Kimmel then plays the clip of Donny being asked how he’s ‘dealing with this loss of a friend,’ and blithering in response about his awesome new White House ballroom. Kimmel then concludes,

“yes, he’s at the fourth stage of grief: construction. demolition, construction. this is not how an adult grieves the murder of somebody he called a friend. this is how a four-year-old mourns a goldfish.”

just a late-night comedian, doing late-night comedian things. the horror.

let’s get real: Kimmel’s suspension has nothing to do with Charlie Kirk. that’s just a convenient pretext. the real reason is that the Mad King has had a grudge-shaped bug up his ass about Jimmy Kimmel Live since forever, because — just as with Colbert — Kimmel’s been using his show to mock Donny for years. the horror.

imagine being so thin-skinned and broken-inside that you can’t take a joke — that it ruins your entire day if someone mocks you. welcome to the fucked-up psyche of your average fascist. only Dear Leader gets to make jokes — at other peoples’ expense.

and now, with the entire media bending over backwards so as not to appear disrespectful of Charlie Kirk, what better time for Donny to settle a long-festering grievance?

“Frankly, when you see stuff like this — I mean, we can do this the easy way or the hard way,” FCC Chair Brendan Carr told the podcast’s host, Benny Johnson. “These companies can find ways to change conduct and take action, frankly, on Kimmel, or there’s going to be additional work for the F.C.C. ahead.”

‘the easy way or the hard way’? who talks like this? my god, every single one of Donny’s henchmen sounds like a cartoon mobster.

ABC and Disney just rolled right the fuck over and complied. it’s pure cowardice. here’s what I wrote two months ago about CBS and Paramount. again, you can swap in ABC and Disney.

CBS and Paramount are being cowards — and we don’t need any cowards right now. we’re all stocked up with cowards. we’ve got cowards up the yin-yang.

heroes, that’s what we’re in desperate need of.

no one ever went to bed with fascism and came up smelling like roses.

no one ever said gee, I’m so glad that faceless corporation collaborated with fascists.

fascist regimes come, and fascist regimes go. when this current nightmare finally runs its course, no one is going to say ‘wasn’t it awesome how Paramount slobbered all over Dear Leader’s shoes?’

the people we’re going to look back on with admiration will be the ones who stood up said ‘take your fascist bullshit and stick it where the sun don’t shine.’

unlike Colbert, who’s being allowed to continue his show until his contract runs out in May 2026, Kimmel’s show has already been yanked off the air. when will it return? no one knows. what is ABC airing in its place? who fucking cares, that’s what.

maybe ABC can just rerun old episodes of The Apprentice in place of Jimmy Kimmel Live. no, wait — why don’t they cancel every show, and just air The Apprentice all day long? I’ll bet Dear Leader would love that.

I understand it’s a great show. possibly the greatest show of all time. a show like no one’s ever seen. I’m told that big, strong network programming executives, tears in their eyes, come up to Donny all the time and say ‘sir! sir! no one has ever had a catchphrase like “you’re fired” before. how do you do it? sir!’

hey, you know who still has his show? this sociopath.

Brian Fucking Kilmeade, who absolutely covered himself in glory last week when he opined that the ‘solution’ to the issue of homeless Americans is just to kill them all.

Kilmeade gets to stay on the air and vomit vile hatred to his heart’s content, while Jimmy Kimmel is cordially invited to go fuck himself.

so, for those of you keeping score at home, it’s —
speaking truth to power, 0
calling for the slaughter of the powerless, 1

this is some bullshit.

let’s give the final word on this topic to former Obama advisor and current podcast host Dan Pfeiffer.

“The amount of cowardice being shown by the corporate media is galling If the press won’t fight for the First Amendment, who will?”

who, indeed?

when I told Ms. Spouse I was writing about Jimmy Kimmel today, she sighed and said, ‘can’t you write about Melania’s hat?’ — and the answer is yes. yes I can.

ladies and gentlemen, I offer you the spectacle of what Dear Leader’s Slovenian trophy wife wore to meet the King and Queen of England.

in case you can’t find her in this photo, she’s standing to the right of Camilla. what is she wearing? is she trying to scare Donny into thinking the Grim Reaper’s finally come for him?

and, once again, as Jesus sagely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Remember When Buying Music Was… Fun?

I was laying wide awake at 4 am this morning, and I was thinking how we consume music has so fundamentally changed over the past 40 years. Then I found myself remembering walking into Tower Records on Market Street in San Francisco as I’d done a countless number of times in the 90s. And once inside, I could easily recall the smell of the store. Next thing I knew I was grinning ear to ear.

Tower was a magic place for music lovers like myself. It had been since I first set foot in the original SF store at Columbus & Bay on a trip to the City before we eventually relocated there. It was a bit of a wonderland for me. I’d ordered Michael Stern’s Chronos soundtrack from them a month earlier, only to discover after it arrived that the disc was defective. I physically brought it with me on that trip so I could exchange it. While there I also found a record I’d been seeking for months: Michael Garrison’s Airborn that I dragged home on the plane with me. (Yeah, I was in the middle of my electronic new age period.)

A few years after we’d relocated to SF and Tower opened another store in the concrete monstrosity that had been constructed on Upper Market, somehow making up for the eyesore it occupied. I remembered many an afternoon pouring through the racks, either searching for something specific or just seeing if something piqued my interest enough to shell out $18 for a disc.

And then there were the times your favorite band/singer/group released something new and you prayed Tower had purchased enough copies that they’d still have one available when you got to the store.

It was also within walking distance of my apartment, so it was doubly dangerous.

Remember getting the disc home and trying to get it out of those horrible plastic blister packs without amputating a finger in the process? And then putting the disc in your CD player, sitting down, and pouring over the liner notes?

Ah, the ritual!

All that was lost with the advent of MP3s and streaming. I think that’s the reason there’s been a resurgence in the sales of physical media. It’s part nostalgia (at least in my case) to be sure, but it’s the physicality of the process. It’s the knowledge that you own the music you just bought; it won’t arbitrarily be pulled from your streaming service because of some corporate fight over licensing. And you can listen to it any time you want. No worries about network connectivity! And if you want to rip those discs to MP3 for your phone, you can!

The purpose of this post? I dunno…those memories that came flooding back (and the unexpected recollection of the smells) just kind of gobsmacked me in the dark silence this morning.

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Midweek Tiedrich

the British people — they’re so polite. so thoughtful. so caring and compassionate. amazing hosts.

Little Donny Fuckface is in England right now, spending the next two days at Windsor Castle — and the locals have spared no effort to make America’s Mad King feel not just welcomed, but loved.

the Brits know that Donny gets homesick every time he leaves his native land, so they’re making sure that no matter where Donny goes during his visit, he’ll always be reminded of his dead pedo bestie.

Ahead of the U.S. president’s arrival in London on Tuesday, Sept. 16, a British activist group unfurled a massive banner featuring an image of Trump with Jeffrey Epstein on the path leading to Windsor Castle, where the president and first lady Melania Trump will spend a significant portion of their visit.

isn’t that sweet? the British people wanted nothing more than for Donny to be able to look out the windows of Windsor Castle and go ‘there he is. we shared so many wonderful secrets together.’

as advertised, the fucking thing is ginormous.

and — oh look! — the activist group Led By Donkeys is projecting a ‘Donny and his dead pedo bestie’s greatest hits’ slide show onto the side of the Castle.

I sure hope Donny thanks them for their attention to this matter.

we definitely need to gif that shit, for posterity’s sake.

someone even put Epstein merch on display in the Windsor Castle gift shop.

thank you, England, for going the extra mile (kilometer?) and Making Dead Pedo Besties Great Again.

now, let’s go live inside Windsor Castle and get Melania’s reaction to all this Epsteinstalgia.

I hope getting to relive a few of his most treasured moments calmed Donny down a bit, because he sure was touchy while he was on his way to Fuckface Force One.

reporter: “should a president in office be engaged in so much business activity?”

Donny: “I’m really not. my kids are running the business. you know what the activity— where are you from?”

reporter: “I’m from the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.”

Donny: “you’re hurting Australia right— in my opinion, you are hurting Australia very much right now. and they want to get along with me. you know, your— your leader is coming over to see me very soon. I’m going to tell them about you. you set a very bad tone. quiet.”

oh, boo fucking hoo. listen to this whiny, petulant child. ‘in my opinion, you are hurting Australia very much right now.’

yeah, we’ll, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

I’m sorry, but are we on the front lawn of the White House, or are we on a kindergarten playground? it’s really hard to tell, with President Diaperload bellyaching like a toddler who got his fee-fees hurt. ‘you said a bad thing. I’m going to tell on you, and then you’ll be sorry.’ how fucking mature.

you do that, Donny. I’m sure that Prime Minister Anthony Albanese gives a shit that one of ‘his’ reporters was very, very mean to you. let’s go live to Australia, right now, for the PM’s reaction.

oh wait, President Sorehead isn’t finished braying like a jackass.

reporter: “what do you think of Pam Bondi saying she’s going to go after hate speech? a lot of your allies say hate speech is free speech.”

Donny: “she’ll probably go after people like you, because you treat me so unfairly, it’s hate. you have a lot of hate in your heart. maybe they’ll come after ABC.”

welcome to the new normal, where both Dear Leader and Pam Bondi labor under the mistaken impression that being mean to conservatives is somehow against the law.

spoiler alert: no she fucking can’t.

who knows, maybe Pam Bondi and Jeanine Pirro are having a contest to see who can produce the most failed prosecutions — because no grand jury in the universe is going to approve an indictment against some dude who wouldn’t print a poster.

in fact, let’s go live right now, to one of those grand jurors, for his reaction.

Bondi and Donny are so high on their own supply right now — and that reporter Donny threatened is right. conservatives are not happy with Bondi.

Matt Walsh’s head is about to explode right now.

okay, all the dumbfuckery about ‘left wing terror cells’ is batshit insane, and very par for Matt’s course — but that first bit, about firing Pam Bondi for her prosecutorial overreach? man, it’s heartbreaking.

Donny hasn’t blown any Venezuelan fishing boats out of the water today (as far as we know), which is def a good thing — because even Republicans are starting to go dude, what the fuck?

The Trump administration is facing growing calls from former government officials — including some in Republican administrations — to offer a legal justification for President Donald Trump’s two missile strikes this month on boats allegedly piloted by members of a Venezuelan drug cartel.

Those experts say the use of such force outside of war blurs the legal distinction between law enforcement and military actions and comes amid calls on Capitol Hill to curtail Trump’s military powers.

here’s the beauty part. check out who gets quoted in this article.

“There has to be a line between crime and war,” said John Yoo, a former deputy assistant attorney general under President George W. Bush. “We can’t just consider anything that harms the country to be a matter for the military. Because that could potentially include every crime.”

John Fucking Yoo. there’s name you probably haven’t heard in years.

in case you don’t remember John Yoo, he was the author of the famous ‘torture memo’ that provided George W. Bush with a “legal” justification for all the evil shit that went on in places like Abu Ghraib and Gitmo.

yeah, that guy. Mister Human Rights.

you know you’ve royally fucked up when the bro who told Bush that it was totes okay to repeatedly waterboard the shit out of innocent Afghani goat herders says that lobbing missiles at fishermen is a bridge too far.

oh my god, could the worst fucking people in the world please stop breaking my heart?

 

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Tuesday Tiedrich

ladies and gentlemen, please stand by for a decree of the utmost importancefrom Donny J. Convict, President of the United States, King of the Americas, Ruler of Our Great Oceans and Plentipotentary for All of Planet Earth and the Stars Beyond.

‘The NFL has to get rid of that ridiculous looking new Kickoff Rule. How can they make such a big and sweeping change so easily and quickly. It’s at least as dangerous as the “normal” kickoff, and looks like hell. The ball is moving, and the players are not, the exact opposite of what football is all about. “Sissy” football is bad for America, and bad for the NFL! Who comes up with these ridiculous ideas? It’s like wanting to “roll back” the golf ball so it doesn’t go (nearly!) as far. Fortunately, college football will remain the same, hopefully forever!!’

folks, I regret to inform you that this is not one of Gavin Newsom’s awesome parody tweets. nope, this batshit post is one hundred percent from the deteriorating brain of Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants — who, apparently, knows more about sportsball than all the sportsballers.

imagine being such a small and petty grievance-baby that everything annoys you. windmills. low-flush toilets. not enough ugly golden filigree in the Oval Office. late-night TV hosts. laws against domestic violence. football.

you would imagine that the very job of being president of a large country would keep one too occupied with actual pressing matters to worry about some rule change in a sport. but I guess when you’ve delegated executive authority to Norferatu McGoebbels and Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, it gives you all the time in the world to bellyache about inconsequential minutiae.

fortunately for the NFL, they don’t have to do shit about Donny’s whining, because he forgot to thank them for their attention to this matter — which means it’s not a legally-binding decree. it’s right there in Article II of the Constitution, in the Very Special Boy Clause that John Roberts scribbled in the margins, when no one was looking.

apparently it’s the same clause that allows Donny — without proof, or actual legal authority — to blow Venezuelan fishing boats out of the water, killing who the fuck even cares how many civilians, they’re Venezuelans.

I’m guessing that the extrajudicial killing of foreign civilians is addictive — kind of like a drug — because Donny done gone and blowed up a second Venezuelan fishing boat.

once again, Donny has decided that he gets to kill whoever he wants, because reasons. and notice what he does here: he unilaterally reclassifies drugs as ‘deadly weapons’ — presumably so he can justify using US military might against what could very well end up being another unarmed Venezuelan fishing boat. I wonder which one of Donny’s ace team of parking garage lawyers came up with that flimsy rationale.

and, once again, Donny offers no tangible proof that this ship was operated by a cartel — or was transporting drugs — beyond his say-so.

reporter: “what can you tell us about this Venezuelan boat that was taken out, and do you plan to provide proof that these were narco terrorists who were on the way to the US?”

Donny: “we have proof. all you have to do is look at the cargo that was— like, it’s spattered all over the ocean. big bags of cocaine and fentanyl all over the place.”

excuse me, big bags of what? here’s a screencap of the video Donny provided in his not-tweet. do you see any ‘big bags of cocaine and fentanyl all over the place’? I don’t. all I see is a boat on fire.

what the fuck is Donny blithering about?

wait a minute. Donny, are these bags of cocaine and fentanyl in the room with us right now? is that why we’re not seeing them in the video? are these ginormous drugbags saying ‘sir, sir! thank for blowing us all the fuck to hell! no one polices the waterways like you do, sir!’

so, Donny’s not going to offer us any proof, other than his say-so, and a blurry video. I guess when you’re King of the Americas and Ruler of All Our Great Oceans, they just let you.

here’s a fun fact about Venezuela and fentanyl.

Venezuela plays virtually no role in the fentanyl trade.

Fentanyl is almost entirely produced in Mexico with chemicals imported from China, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the Justice Department and the Congressional Research Service. Mexico is close to the U.S. market, and Mexican cartels already control many fentanyl smuggling routes.

fentanyl doesn’t come from Venezuela — and unlike Colombian cocaine, it’s not even routed through Venezuela.

so please, Donny, tells us again about the big bags of imaginary fentanyl in the water. I love a good fairy tale, don’t you? especially when the moral is fear for your life.

“we have noticed that there are no ships in the ocean any more. that there’s like, no ships, when the first one we went— hundreds of boats. now there are no boats. I wonder why. meaning, no drugs are coming across. probably stopping some fishermen too. to be honest about it, if I were a fisherman, I wouldn’t want to go fishing either. just a nice, let’s take a little trip, because [laughs] I’d say, ‘man, if they— maybe they think I have drugs downstairs. I don’t want that—’ I think the fishing business has probably been hurt. but there are literally no boats. this was a boat, and we were surprised to see it.”

Jesus H. Christ on a Venezuelan fishing boat, who the fuck talks like this? psychopaths, that’s who. check out how Donny laughs maniacally as he muses about how he’s scaring the shit out of terrified fisherman. this is all a big joke to him. ha ha!

hey fisherman — duck! oops, too late. looks like you blowed up real good. ha ha!

I don’t have to tell you just how fucking evil this is. we’re no longer just an international laughingstock. we’re now a lawless, sadistic pariah as well. lucky us.

also: ‘there are literally no boats’? fact check:

what is Donny talking about? each of those triangles is a ship, and — spoiler alert — they are in the room with us right now. there are hundreds of craft in the waters around Venezuela. once again, Donny is just making shit up, blithering idiotically, cackling like a cartoon villian, lying to the press — and every one of these worthless scribblers is bobbing their head and going ‘well, I guess so’ as Donny jokes about slaughtering fishermen.

this is probably a good time to remind every reporter that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 1,995th day.

by the way, did you notice how President Rottinghand keeps covering up his rotting hand?

oh, there we go. yeesh, that’s nasty. and it’s getting worse.

h, and speaking of covering up, there seems to be another large object in the waters south of our country.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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GO SCREW YOURSELF

From Palmer Report:

Charlie Kirk was a right wing extremist who spent years putting the safety of America’s most vulnerable groups at risk by targeting them with hate speech. He was murdered by another right wing extremist, who will now face due process. Other than universally agreeing that murder is always wrong, and perhaps pointing out that proper gun control laws might have saved Charlie’s life, that should be the end of the story. And by the time the midterms come around, this won’t still be a story – at least not one that will impact any votes. But for right now, it is indeed still a story, for the most deranged of reasons.

I can honestly say that I’m not glad Charlie Kirk is dead. But according to the Vice President of the United States, if you are glad that Charlie is dead and you dare to say so, you should lose your job. In fact that Vice President of the United States is encouraging people, in exact words, to spy on your social media and report you to your employer if you dare say that you’re glad Charlie is dead.

This is objectively insane. And profoundly un-American. The Vice President of the United States is actively trying to get people fired from their private sector jobs based on their social media posts? Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences. But that’s between you and your employer – not the federal government.

Right wingers have always had this insane logic where literally anything that happens – even a right winger murdering another right winger – it’s somehow the fault of the liberals. They’ll rationalize it in nonsensical ways. They’ll make up false information about the circumstances and then cling to it so tightly that they end up believing it. They aren’t psychologically able to accept the fact that political violence is inherently a right wing trait, and so they just make things up in a way that allows them to pretend that it was the fault of the liberals. And then right wingers wonder why the rest of us consider them to be mentally ill.

But that’s the right wing loony bin. Those are the deranged types that used to be shunned by normal conservatives, the ones who are simply selfish enough to want the government to stack the societal deck in their favor. The Republican Party has been evil for longer than I’ve been alive. But it didn’t used to be psychotically evil enough to use something like the murder of a right winger by a right winger as an excuse to outright persecute liberals.

Of course persecution of liberals for being liberal was precisely what the Republican Party stood for back in the fifties, in the age of McCarthyism. But even then it was just one deranged Republican Senator, and a party too amoral to get rid of him.

This time around it’s the Vice President of the United States – a guy who could become President of the United States any day now based on the current President’s visibly collapsing health – who is trying to blacklist liberals. Here’s my response to Donald Trump, JD Vance, and the rest of this evil regime: go screw yourselves. Let’s all take this fascist evil that’s on display and use it as motivation to work hard and win the midterms by such a big margin that they can’t rig it. The midterms start now. Let’s get in that mindset now.

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Sometimes I really think 2019 was the last normal year of our lives and ever since, it feels like we’ve slipped into some alternate reality where nothing makes sense, everyone is on edge, time moves too fast yet too slow, and the world we knew just doesn’t exist anymore.