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seriously, fuck that guy.

now let’s congratulate the woman who did win the Nobel Peace Prize, María Corina Machado.

The Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado, who built a powerful social movement and has been living in hiding since last year, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday. The Norwegian Nobel Committee praised “her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy.”

María Corina Machado is the Venezuelan opposition leader who stood up to a tyrant, worked tirelessly to bring democracy to her country, and — after arrest warrants were issued on bogus conspiracy charges — now lives in hiding, fearing for her life.

conspicuously not on Machado’s resume is renaming her Department of Defense to Department of War, disappearing people into slave-labor gulags, exploding the shit out of fishing boats, or sending armed military after her own people.

because the country of Norway is forced to exist in the same shitty timeline that we do, they now have to fear reprisals from the thinnest-skinned grievance-baby ever to crap a diaper in the Oval Office.

call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that causing an entire country to fear for its own safety if they don’t award you a Peace Prize kind of disqualifies you from ever getting a Peace Prize.

here’s Machado’s statement, upon learning she’d snagged the Prize.

“Oh my god. Well, I have no words.”

She went on: “This is an achievement of a whole society. I am just, you know, one person. I certainly do not deserve this.”

“I’m honored, humbled. I’m very grateful on behalf of the Venezuelan people. We’re not there yet. We’re working very hard to achieve it, but I’m sure that we will prevail,” she said.

did you hear that? that’s what humility sounds like.

it’s a sound we don’t hear much these days in America, where we’re governed by a preening asshole who never stops screaming in our exhausted faces about how he deserves all the accolades.

here’s what Steven Cheung, the dime-store Bond villain who doubles as Donny Convict’s communications director, posted to Elon’s Nazi Bar.

“President Trump will continue making peace deals, ending wars, and saving lives. He has the heart of a humanitarian, and there will never be anyone like him who can move mountains with the sheer force of his will. The Nobel Committee proved they place politics over peace.”

oh my god, you tiny little spite-fueled homunculus. how fucking hard it is to say ‘congratulations’?

boo fucking hoo, you sore losers. eat binky.

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but do keep your chin up, Donny. you still have one thing mean old Barack HUSSEIN Obama will never have: the Nobel I Pointed At A Drawing Of A Camel Prize.

“I also did a cognitive exam. which is always very risky because if I didn’t do well, you’d be the first to be blaring it, and I had a perfect score. and one of the doctors said he’s almost never seen a perfect score. I had a perfect, uh, at perfect score. I got the highest score. and that made me feel good. when they asked ‘would I like to do one,’ I said yeah. I said, ‘did Obama do it?’ no … the last time I took a cognitive exam, it was a perfect score. the doctors announced it. and by the way, not the easiest test. the first few questions are pretty easy. once you get into the middle, it gets a little trickier. and there aren’t a lot of people in this room who would get every single question right, I could guarantee it.”

that was Donny, yesterday, at another one of his farcical ‘cabinet meetings.’

imagine being so fragile — and so in constant need of affirmation — that you have to interrupt your own meeting to brag about acing a test they give to people who show signs of drowning in their own dementia.

this the test Donny is bragging about — the Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

it’s not hard. twenty percent of the test is literally pointing at a drawing of a fucking camel.

awesome job, Donny. you get a lollipop!

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now let’s give the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press a well-earned Two Minutes Hate, because they’ve spent the last three days pissing themselves with glee, and declaring that Donny deserves all the Peace Prizes for his Gaza cease-fire plan — a plan that’s basically identical to the peace plan Joe Biden hammered out on his last day in office. Donny shoved it into a drawer and ignored it, let the carnage in Gaza continue for ten months, then dusted it off and put his name on it.

good boy, Donny! help yourself to another lollipop!

can the Washington Post please, at long last, kindly fuck all the way off?

this is the kind of drek the WaPo shits out onto their oped pages these days. notice that they’re still using ‘democracy dies in darkness’ as their motto. I’m thinking it’s more like ‘democracy dies when Jeff Bezos disappears up Dear Leader’s ass.’

oh look, Chris Cillizza wants to play a round of Easy Questions, Easy Answers™.

“What if…Donald Trump actually deserves the Nobel Peace Prize?”

Newsweek can join the Washington Post over in fuckoffistan.

according to who? I’m pretty sure the Nobel Committee doesn’t lob prizes in the general direction of anyone who announces the framework of a concept for a sketch of a peace plan.

how about we wait and see if this latest cease-fire lasts more than a day before we anoint Dear Leader as God-Emperor of All Peacemakers?

and I’m sorry, but I can’t even any more with this guy.

please, John, for the love of all that is holy, shut the fuck up.

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and finally, what is this nonsense?

Georgia Republican Rep. Buddy Carter: “Donald Trump has done that. that’s why he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. that’s why I’m introducing a resolution today that will honor him with the Nobel Peace Prize, and if need be, we’ll call for a discharge petition.”

I’m sorry, give me a minute to wrap my head around this insanity. do I have this right? Buddy Carter is so mad about Dear Leader getting snubbed that he’s going to legislate that Donny gets a Nobel Peace Prize anyway?

how the fuck would that even work? are Republicans going to gin up a fake Peace Prize and award it to Donny, so he can display it in that vulgar gold-plated bordello that used to be the Oval Office? they’re going to do thisjust to keep an infantile rage-baby from melting all the way down — and then we’ll all stand around and pretend it’s a perfectly normal thing that happened?

am I on crazy pills right now?

my god, the entire Republican Party is sore loser babies all the way down.

people, we are in serious danger of depleting our nation’s Strategic Reserve of Binkies.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

I haven’t passed along all of Mr. Tiedrich’s missives as poignantly entertaining as they are because frankly, there are just some days I can’t deal with anything regarding “Preznit Fuckwit” no matter how witty it may be.

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never underestimate Little Donny Fuckface’s ability to waste everyone’s time on the stupidest bullshit imaginable.

witness the latest bug to crawl up the Mad King’s ass.

“I’m inside the White House. I will be speaking with the U.S. President and his cabinet about Antifa.”

that’s right, our 34-count convicted felon president invited a bunch of MAGA halfwits and hangers-on to the White House, for a roundtable on how to deal with the ‘problem’ of antifa — the imaginary ‘domestic terror organization’ that definitely doesn’t exist.

a roomful of morons setting policy based on a fever-swamp fantasy. it’s all so unbelievably stupid.

it’s as if a child were having a tea party with stuffed animals, and going ‘Mister Bear, let’s hear your plan to take on Soros.’

seriously, if you want to tackle a completely fictitious terror org, who better to have on your side than Pizzagate Jack Posobiec?

after all, Pizzagate Jack is the stuffed bear who promoted the fairy tale that Hillary Clinton trafficked children out of the basement of a pizza parlor that has no basement. who better than Jack to fight an imaginary foe?

now, let’s back up a bit — because the Mad King’s quest to outlaw Big Bad Antifa dates all the way back to his first reign.

the problem for Donny back then was that there were actual adults in the room who were willing to take him aside and go ‘dude, don’t be a shit-kazoo.’

 

By ERIC TUCKER and BEN FOX
Published 10:07 PM EDT, September 17, 2020

WASHINGTON (AP) — FBI Director Chris Wray told lawmakers Thursday that antifa is an ideology, not an organization, delivering testimony that puts him at odds with President Donald Trump, who has said he would designate it a terror group.

Hours after the hearing, Trump took to Twitter to chastise his FBI director for his statements on antifa and on Russian election interference, two themes that dominated a congressional hearing on threats to the American homeland.

Chris Wray — who had been appointed FBI director by Donny — had it exactly right. antifa isn’t an organization. it’s a belief — that fascism is bad.

pro tip: if you’re against the idea of antifascism, you’re on the wrong fucking side.

this is something that Pizzagate Jack and his buddies don’t seem to realize

fast forward to today. Chris Wray is gone, replaced

by Krazee-Eyes Kash. Donny no longer has adults in the room. what he has are toadies like ICE Barbie. she loves to dress up, and she was thrilled to take part in the Boy King’s tea party.

when they announce this year’s Nobel Prize for Things That Never Happened the Most™, I hope it goes to Kristi Noem — because get a load of this.

“one of the individuals we arrested recently in Portland was the girlfriend of one of the founders of antifa, and that we are hoping as we go after her and interview her and prosecute her, we’ll get more and more information about the network and how we can root them out and eliminate them from the existence of American society.”

yeah, no.

there is no quote-unquote network. there is no organization. there’s no hierarchy, no meetings, no dues, no membership cards, no secret handshake — and there is certainly no founder, and no girlfriend. does she even have a name? this whole story is a huge fucking bowl of it never happened.

I have a question for ICE Barbie: after you caught this ‘girlfriend of antifa,’ did she try to eat her own arm off?

it’s a legit thing to ask, because Noem is shameless about making shit up. here she is, back in July, at a press conference for the opening of that massive human rights violation, Alligator Alzcatraz.

“the other day I was talking to some marshals who have been partnering with ICE. they said that they had detained a cannibal, and put him on a plane to take him home, and while they had him in his seat, he started to eat himself. and they had to get him off and get him medical attention.”

MY GOD, PEOPLE, THEY’RE EATING THE DAWGS. THEY’RE EATING THE CATS. THEY’RE GNAWING ON THEIR OWN ARMS.

spoiler alert: of fucking course this never happened — and there is no reason on earth to ever believe any of the batshit that vomits out of ICE Barbie’s mouth.

by the way, at yesterday’s tea party, President Pudding Cup continued to prove that he’s a remarkable physical specimen in perfect health. tell me, is it worrisome when a 79-year-old president struggles to stay awake during every single time he appears in public?

it’s another legit question, because the White House announced yesterday that Donny will have his ‘yearly’ checkup at Walter Reed Hospital on Friday — which is weird, because he already had his ‘yearly’ Walter Reed checkup six months ago. so, what are not being told?

“I don’t know what could be worse than Portland. you don’t even have stores anymore. they don’t even put glass up. they put plywood on their windows.”

IS THAT WHY THEY’RE EATING THEIR OWN ARMS? because they don’t have stores any more, and Portlanders can no longer buy groceries?

where is this gibbering lunatic getting his information from? nothing even close to that is happening in Portland. the protests are minuscule, and confined to the one block in front of the ICE facility. look at this terrifying frog. no wonder Meal Team ICE is shitting their pants and calling for military backup.

is it worrisome when a president is tyrannical and incoherent at the same time?

…a flag burning mob, and we’ve uh made it uh one year penalty for inciting riots. we took the freedom of speech away because it’s been through the courts, and the courts said ‘you have freedom of speech’ but that— what has happened is when they burn a flag, it agitates and irritates crowds, they’ve never seen anything like it, both sides, and you end up with riots, so we’re going on that basis, we’re looking at it from not from the freedom of speech, which I always felt strongly about, but never passed the courts.”

holy shit, not only is Donny struggling to stay awake, he’s struggling to read what’s written on the paper in front of him.

‘we took the freedom of speech away’ — what a stunning thing to admit.

for those of you keeping score at home, flag burning is bad.

but using the flag to beat the shit out of cops on January 6, that’s good.

it’s also apparently totes cool to snuggle Old Glory against your cooch.

look, President Playpen can shit out all the farcical executive orders he wants, but he can’t redefine Constitutionally-protected speech, no matter how hard he tries. all this fuckery is going to end up in front of judges and grand juries — and they’ve shown time and again that they have no patience for any of Donny’s authoritarian bullshit.

none of this is normal. presidents aren’t supposed to shred the Constitution — nor are they supposed to wage war against their own people.

it’s so clear that Donny wants blood in the streets. he doing all he can to provoke clashes between protesters and National Guard troops, so he can invoke the Insurrection Act and declare martial law.

Donny is super fucking horny for a civil war. this is some scary shit, for sure — but the clock is ticking, and time may be running out on America’s Mad King.

here’s a thing that California Rep. Eric Swalwell not-tweeted yesterday morning.

“It’s coming to an end guys. I’ve spoken to a lot of House Republicans this week and they’ve confided that Trump’s movement/support is fading. As one told me, ‘this Epstein bomb is about to drop and no want wants to defend a pedo-protector. It’s just a matter of time.’”

which was followed up by—

“One Republican just texted me that if there’s a discharge vote on Epstein they expect a ‘jail break’ of over 100 members. Trump will go nuts!”

shoot that shit directly into my veins.

I know, it sounds way too good to be true — but Eric Swalwell is not a bullshitter.

Holy Mike can’t hold up Adelita Grijalva’s swearing-in ceremony forever. that 218th vote in favor of Tom Massie’s discharge petition is coming, sooner or later.

buckle your seat belt, things are about to get interesting.

oh, and the Nobel Peace Prize is being announced tomorrow morning. get ready for a ketchupnado in the West Wing.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.