Little Donny Fuckface’s superpower has always been how relatable he is. he’s just like one of us!
under all the burnt-cork spray-tan, under that rat’s nest of fucked-up bullshit atop his big, dumb pumpkin head, under the makeup that conceals his rotting hand, under that doughy torso, and the neckgina and the cankles, Donny’s just a perfectly normal homey, doing perfectly normal stuff.
I mean, who among us hasn’t sat at the head of a table while sycophants and psychopaths praise our imaginary accomplishments, as we gradually lose consciousness and fill the room with the piquant aroma of ass music?
seriously, check out Don Snorelone during yesterday’s cabinet meeting. the decaying old fuck is fast asleep, even as Marco Rubio kisses his ass.
“[the Ukraine war] never would have happened, if you had been president. but the president is trying to end it. not because— listen, we have a million things to focus on in the world, as a country, but he’s the only leader in the world that can help end it, and that’s why we’re in that— that’s why even as we speak to you now, Steve Witkoff ids in Moscow, trying to find a way to end this war, to save the lives of eight, nine thousand people, Mr. President, as you know are dying every week.”
I don’t know about you, but I would have paid good money to watch Liddle Marco smack Dear Leader upside the head, and go ‘wake the fuck up, dipshit, I’m talking to you.’
can we fact check Marco here? because he’s lying his lying face off.
Steve Griftkoff, as has been widely reported, is not trying to end the war in Ukraine so much as he’s trying to cut deals with Russia that would enrich Dear Leader and his oligarch cronies, as they divvy up what’s left of Ukraine, strip it of its wealth, and sell it off to the highest bidder. stop trying to pretend that these goniffs have anything but their own greedy self-interests at heart.
Donny can barely keep his eyes open as Kristi Noem drags the remaining shreds of her dignity out back to the gravel pit and shoots it in the face.
“sir, you made it through hurricane season without a hurricane. you kept the hurricanes away. we appreciate that.”
so, Dear Leader controls the weather now? what, like Tim the Fucking Enchanter?
I don’t remember reading any unhinged, all-caps tweets from Donny where he tells hurricanes that they BETTER STAY AWAY FROM AMERICA IF THEY KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR THEM, and then thanks them for their attention to this matter.
look, Donny can’t even keep his eyes open while Plastered Pete Kegstand does his ‘what me warcrimes’ act, like some psychopathic Alfred E. Newman.
reporter: “so you didn’t see any survivors, to be clear, after that first strike?”
Kegstand: “I did not personally see survivors. but I stand— ’cause, the thing was on fire. it exploded, and fire, and smoke, you can’t see, you got digital— this is called the fog of war. this is what you in the press don’t understand. you sit in your air-conditioned offices or up on Capitol Hill, you nitpick and you plant fake stories in the Washington Post about ‘kill everybody.’”
says the Fox News dunk-tank clown who sat in his air-conditioned office and ordered Admiral Bradley to ahem allegedly commit war crimes.
Pete’s so worked up, because we don’t know what it’s like to be in his shoes. he’s seen stuff, man, that you can’t possibly understand.
it’s true, most of us have no idea what it’s like to be a piss-drunk embarrassment — and I’m pretty sure that almost none of us have ever flipped a skateboard into our own nuts.
just listen to this pixelated piss-ant puff himself up into something he’s not, prattling on about the ‘fog of war,’ as if he were George Fucking Patton, personally leading his troops to victory in the Battle of the Bulge.
fact check: fuck off all the way to Mars.
THERE IS NO FOG, BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAR.
it’s not a war, because you can’t unilaterally declare that fishing boats are military targets, and start dropping bombs on them. not unless you want to end up in the The Hague, on trial for your ahem alleged war crimes.
you know, somewhere in this multiverse there’s a timeline where Jack Smith gets his old job back as War Crimes Prosecutor and convicts every one of these shitweasels. wouldn’t that be fucking delicious? I want to live in that timeline.
you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
by the way, special shout-out to the dumbfuck who misspelled ‘secretary’ on Piss-Drunk Pete’s name card.
Preznit Fuckwit should have stayed asleep, because when he woke up, he launched into one of the all-time most horrific racist tirades ever, directed at Minnesota’s Somali community.
this dozy shitwad can’t even keep his eyes open as he does his Old Man Yells At Entire Ethnic Group act.
“and I see these people ripping it off. and now I’m understanding, and you’re gonna look into that’s guh— I hear they ripped off— Somalians ripped off that state for billions of dollars. billions. every year. billions of dollars. and they contribute nothing. the welfare is like 88%. they contribute nothing. I don’t want ’em in our country, I’ll be honest with you. someone would say ‘oh, that’s not politically correct.’ I don’t care. I don’t want ’em in our country. their country’s no good for a reason. their country stinks, and we don’t want ’em in our country. I can say that about other countries too. I can say it about other countries too. we don’t want ’em the hell— we have to rebuild our country. you know, our country is at a tipping point. we could go bad. we’re at a tipping point. I don’t know if people mind me saying that, but I’m saying it. we could go one way or the other. and we’re gonna go the wrong way if we keep taking in garbage into our country. Ilhan Omar is garbage. she’s garbage. her friends are garbage. these aren’t people that work. these aren’t people that say, ‘let’s go, come on, let’s make this place great.’ these are people that do nothing but complain. they complain. and from where they came from, they got nothing. you know, they came from paradise and they said ‘this isn’t paradise.’ but where they come from hell and they complain and do nothing but bitch. we don’t want ’’em in our country. let ’em go back to where they came from and fix it.”
Donny’s so presidential, isn’t he? what a man of the people.
let’s leave Donny racist rant aside for a moment, because I have a question: why the fuck is Donny always so angry?
he should be the happiest guy in the world. he’s led a positively charmed life.he’s grifted billions of dollars from his adoring cultists. he’s escaped accountability for almost every crime he’s ever committed. he’s the president of an entire country, and he has his own personal Supreme Court to declare him a Very Special Boy Who Can Continue Criming Forever. every single day of his life, he gets away with shit no one else does.
and yet, every day he finds some new grievance to yell about, and someone to hate.
yesterday, it’s low-flush toilets, or windmills. today, it’s Somalis.
if you took Donny’s rant and substituted ‘Jews’ for ‘Somalis,’ it would sound exactly like something out of the Third Reich. it was that openly hateful.
Donny was so egregiously racist that even the reporters at The New York Times were forced to rouse from their slumbers and write about it — and if there’s one thing that Times nepo-publisher AG Sulzberger really fucking hates, it’s when his reporters have no choice but to commit a journalism. it really ruins his day.
President Trump unleashed a xenophobic tirade against Somali immigrants on Tuesday, calling them “garbage” he does not want in the United States in an outburst that captured the raw nativism that has animated his approach to immigration.
Even for Mr. Trump — who has a long history of insulting Black people, particularly those from African countries — his outburst was shocking in its unapologetic bigotry.
no fucking shit.
ook, reporting on Donny’s racism is all well and good, but I have a question for the all the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press — and for their editors, back in their air-conditioned offices:
where are the calls for Donny to resign? where are the angry editorials?
he’s so obviously not up to the job. he’s cognitively impaired to the point where he’s incoherent. he’s clearly unwell, and in poor health. he’s never had the temperament to be president, and he’s only getting worse.
he can’t even stay awake during his own cabinet meetings.
any other president would be hounded by the press, on a daily basis.
remember this shit?
one horrendous debate, and the media did not let up on their jihad against Biden until he finally withdrew from the race.
every day, Donny proves that he is dangerously incapable of governing — and all we get from the press is the deafening sound of crickets.
it’s fucking maddening.
let’s go out on a high note, because not all of yesterday’s news was bad. some of it was, in fact, perfectly delightful.
Shares in Eric Trump’s crypto mining business lost nearly 40% of their value in less than 30 minutes on Tuesday.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
oops, I meant to say ‘oh how terrible for Eric.’
