The Week In Stupid

From Jeff Tiedrich:

monday: ai yi yi

what the fuck is this nightmare fuel?

“Elon Musk is a family man
The safest place on Earth is in their arms.
Moments like these become priceless memories.”

notice anything weird about the Space Nazi’s ‘family’? that’s right, they’re not the flesh-and-blood kind — they’re the vomited-out-by-some-hellish-AIkind. by some miracle, the one hand we see in that pic has the correct number of fingers on it.

apparently there is an entire cottage industry of keyboard warriors churning out dozens of computer-generated images of the Space Nazi surrounded by imaginary families.

excuse me, but what the fuck is going on with the face of Inbred McYokel in the blue denim jacket?

make no mistake. the Space Nazi is not a ‘family man’ — he’s a turbocharged sperm donor who has made it his mission in life to squirt out as many replicants has he can — with as many women as possible — in some racist race to out-breed the swarthy hordes. however, once the little kidlets are out of the oven, he forgets about them. if Elon were a ‘family man,’ there would be photographic evidence, and his legion of fan-boys wouldn’t have to rely on gruesome AI-generated hocus-pocus.

in fact, the only one of his demon spawn that Elon takes any interest in at all is the Crown Prince Snotwiper.

but apparently Elon’s now outsourced the raising of the Crown Prince to Dear Leader. god help him.

 


tuesday: 100% of morons make my head hurt

try to read this next item without your blood pressure spiking — because hey, guess who just woke up to the fact that America pretty much fucking sucks now.

that’s right, a whopping 83% of PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T VOTE IN 2024 are unhappy with how unfettered fascism is working out for them.

I can’t even.

folks, I’d like to propose a new rule: if you didn’t vote, you don’t get to fucking complain. in fact, if you didn’t vote, please stand in the corner and face the wall for the next four years and think about what you’ve done.


wednesday: look who sucks

uh oh, noises are coming out of Fox News found object Jesse Watters’ face-hole again.

“I have rules for men. like you don’t eat soup in public. you don’t cross your legs. and you don’t drink from a straw. his excuse was I was drinking a milk shake. again, you shouldn’t be drinking a milk shake. milk shakes are for kids.”

I have a rule for Jesse Watters: shut the fuck up.

guys, can we talk? the last thing anyone needs to be doing is living their lives to dictates of some toxic Fox News meathead. no well-adjusted dude thinks about any of this shit. you want to suck on a straw? then fucking suck on a straw. who gives a shit? worrying what other people think doesn’t make you manly — it makes you weak, insecure and fragile.

right, Jesse?


thursday: we don’t need no edumocation

thursday was the day that Donny Convict pretended to abolish the Department of Education.

spoiler alert: he can’t — to actually do so would require an Act of Congress.

regardless, all the Sewer Clowns fanned out to wax romantic about how super fucking awesome it’s going to be once America no longer has any national standards for educating its children.

pictured: happy schoolchildren in Georgia, circa 1909

even the Space Nazi got into the act — but folks, can we all just agree that if you want to dance on the Department of Education’s grave, that you at least learn how to spell ‘department’? because otherwise, you might look like a fucking imbecile.

oh dear.

and should any of us really be surprised that down there in America’s dangly bit — the swampy state of Florida — their own Departmen(t) of Education can’t spell ‘twelfth’?


friday: gone with the windbag

oh joy of joys, the Space Nazi’s dad is back in the news. when last we checked in with good old Errol Musk, he was managing to be racist, homophobic and transphobic at the same time.

“Obama’s a queer, married to a man who dresses as a woman.”

isn’t Errol a charmer? well, homeboy’s found a new way to cover himself with glory.

Errol Musk, the father of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, believes that his son can’t be racist due to his past relationships with “Black servants” who worked for the family in apartheid South Africa.

‘we can’t be racist, all our servants were black’ is such a persuasive argument, can’t you agree? oh, and according to Errol, apartheid was pretty fucking amazing — if you had the foresight to be born white.

“We lived in a very well-run, law-abiding country with virtually no crime at all,” he said. “Actually no crime. We had several black servants who were their friends.”

we’ve tracked down an exclusive photo of Elon O’Musk and his childhood best friend, Mammy.


saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do.

Yes Virginia, They Really Are That Stupid!

20-25 million people from nations all over the world died fighting against the Nazis. The US didnt even show up for years after it started. They sat and watched everyone else fight and die.

Rest of conversation –

REPORTER*: So, just to clarify—your position is that France owes its entire existence to the United States?

LEAVITT: Absolutely. If it weren’t for the U.S., the French would be speaking German right now. That’s just a fact.

REPORTER: Interesting. Because if it weren’t for France, we wouldn’t even have the United States. Ever heard of the American Revolution? France bankrolled it. Sent troops. Fought Britain on multiple fronts. And, oh yeah—gave us the Statue of Liberty as a symbol of freedom. Do we only acknowledge history when it’s convenient?

LEAVITT: Well, the United States has been the beacon of global freedom—

REPORTER: Right, and who gave us the actual beacon? The French. And let’s not forget, France won World War I before the U.S. even entered it. So by your logic, does that mean Americans should be thanking the French for not speaking German in 1918?

LEAVITT: That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying—

REPORTER: Also, if we’re going down this road—how about the Louisiana Purchase? You know, that huge chunk of land that doubled the size of America? Bought it from the French. Are we sending them a thank-you note?

LEAVITT: Look, I think we’re getting off track here. The point is—

REPORTER: The point is, we didn’t just swoop in and save the day while France sat around waiting. Nations cooperate, trade, and yes, sometimes even rescue each other.

17. März 2025

The real press lack the balls. They’re not press. They’re stenographers.

It’s Nestle This Week, Boys…

Nestle Companies (They’re Not Just Candy)

Bottled Drinks

Acqua Panna

Acqua Pann is a brand of natural mineral water with a heritage that dates back to 1564. Originating from the rolling hills of Tuscany, Acqua Pann’s water — which is bottled at the source — is known for its unique flavor profile. As such, it has become the product of choice for chefs, sommeliers, and consumers worldwide.

Buxton

Buxton is a natural mineral water brand, which bottles water at the source in the historic spa town of Buxton, England. The brand was established in the 1870s and acquired by Nestlé in 1992. Today, it sells both still and sparkling bottled water.

Contrex

Contrex is a French brand of mineral water, which was acquired in 1992 by Nestlé Waters.

Boost

Boost is a nutritional drinks brand that offers a range of nutrient-rich drinks to support its customers’ varying health and wellness goals. Its products include high-protein nutrition, everyday nutrition, diabetes-friendly nutrition, and high-calorie nutrition. The brand was founded in Leeds, England, in 2001 and acquired by Nestlé in 2006.

Other bottled water brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Erikli
    • Essentia
    • Henniez
    • Hepar
    • La Vie
    • Impact
    • Levissima
    • Nałęczowianka
    • Nestea
    • Nestle Pure Life
    • Perrier
    • S. Pelligrino
    • Vittel

Cereal

GO-FREE Corn Flakes

Launched in 2014, Nestlé’s GO-FREE Corn Flakes is a brand of gluten-free cereal, containing five essential vitamins and made with no artificial colors or flavors.

Cheerios

Cheerios is a popular brand of multigrain breakfast cereal, which was first introduced under the name “Cheerioats” in 1941. In the UK, Cheerios are marketed by Cereal Partners under the Nestlé brand, while in the U.S. and Canada, the brand is manufactured and marketed by General Mills.

Chocapic

Founded in 1984, Chocapic is a chocolate-flavored whole-grain breakfast cereal sold across Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and Latin America.

Cini Minis or Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Founded in 1983, this brand of ultra-crunchy, cinnamon-flavored cereal is known as Cini Minis across Europe and Latin America, Croque-Cannelle in France, Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the U.S., and Curiously Cinnamon in the UK. The product is manufactured and marketed by both General Mills and Nestlé.

Other cereal brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Fitness
    • Koko Crunch
    • Nesquik
    • Starbucks Coffee at Home
    • Shredded Wheat Original

Coffee and Other Hot Beverages

Blue Bottle Coffee

Blue Bottle Coffee is a specialty coffee roaster with cafes in Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago, as well as in China and Japan. It sells a range of coffee and coffee products online, including brew tools and drinkware.

Blue Bottle Coffee also offers a subscription service, which coffee lovers can tailor to their preferences. The coffee beans are roasted daily to order in small batches and shipped to customers directly from the roastery.

Other coffee brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • NesCafe
    • Nespresso
    • Milo
    • Roastelier

Chocolate, Confectionary, and Ice Cream

Aero

Aero launched in 1935, selling the world’s first-ever bubbly chocolate. Today, the brand’s melt-in-the-mouth products include Aero Melts sharing bags, standard chocolate bars, chocolate mousses, and hot chocolate and mocha powders.

Although Aero products were only on sale to U.S. consumers for a short period in the 1980s, the brand remains hugely popular overseas. In 2024, for example, Aero was voted one of the most popular chocolate bars in the UK.

Antica Gelateria Del Corso 

Antica Gelateria Del Corso uses only the finest Italian ingredients to produce an extensive range of authentic gelato and sorbet. The brand was founded in Parma in the early 20th century by Giuseppe Tanara, a young man with an unparalleled passion for ice cream making.

To this day, the brand maintains Tanara’s commitment to perfection, continually fine-tuning its recipes and introducing new products.

Baci Perugina 

Baci (meaning “kisses”) Perugina is an Italian brand of chocolate, which was developed in Perugia, Italy in 1922 by confectionery entrepreneur, Luisa Spagnoli. Today, it sells a range of milk, dark, and white chocolates, each filled with the brand’s rich chocolate-hazelnut filling and a whole hazelnut and finished with a double coating of chocolate.

Cailler

Founded by François-Louis Caille in 1819, Cailler is Switzerland’s oldest chocolate brand. The chocolatier operated independently for many decades before being acquired by Nestlé in 1929. Today, it sells a range of souvenir chocolates, chocolate bars, pralines, biscuits, and baking chocolate.

Drumstick

Drumstick manufactures a variety of frozen dessert-filled ice cream cones. The brand was founded almost by accident when I.C Parker, a candy factory worker, accidentally dropped an ice cream cone he was eating into a vat of chocolate, after which he retrieved it and placed it onto a counter covered in peanuts. The resulting product earned its brand name thanks to its resemblance to a chicken drumstick.

Other confectionary, chocolate, and ice cream brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Extreme
    • Haagen-Dazs
    • Hsu Fu Chi
    • KitKat
    • La Laitiere
    • Lion Cereal
    • Maxibon
    • Milkybar
    • Movenpick
    • Munch
    • Nestle Cui Cui Shark
    • Nestle Les Recettes de l’Atelier
    • Orion
    • Quality Street
    • Smarties
    • Toll House
    • Garoto

Pet Care

Nestlé’s pet care brands are marketed and manufactured by its subsidiary, Purina PetCare.

Alpo

Since its inception in 1936, this dog food brand has focused on developing simple and nutritious dog food. Today, it sells a range of wet and dry food made with high-quality protein sources and produced only in U.S. facilities.

Dentalife

Dentalife is a brand of dental dog chews. Its products are designed to help owners introduce a proper oral care routine for their pets, which can contribute to them living an overall healthier life.

Dog Chow

Founded in 1926, Dog Chow is a brand of dog food. The brand’s dry and wet dog food recipes offer 100% complete and balanced nutrition for adult dogs using high-quality protein and no fillers.

Bakers

Bakers is a brand of dog food that produces dry food for puppies, adult dogs, small dogs, and senior dogs, as well as a range of dog treats. Bakers products are nutritionally balanced for a dog’s daily needs and have no added artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives.

Beggin

Beggin’ is a brand of dog food. Its dog treats, which are designed to look, smell, and taste like bacon, are made with real meat in U.S. facilities. Available flavors include original bacon, pizza, and loaded bacon and cheese fries.

Busy Bone 

Busy Bone is a brand of dog food that produces dog chew treats, including easily digestible rawhide alternatives and long-lasting beef hide chew bones. Its products contain real meat and are made with no artificial FD&C colors.

Cat Chow 

Cat Chow is voted the #1 dry cat food brand in America. It sells a range of dry cat food products that cater to cats of all ages and pets with sensitive stomachs, hairballs, joint problems, and compromised immune systems. All Cat Chow products are packed with nutrients, including real protein and essential vitamins and minerals.

Other pet food brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Fancy Feast
    • Felix
    • Friskies
    • Gourmet
    • Lily’s Kitchen
    • Merrick
    • Pro Plan Veterinary Diets
    • Purina
    • Purina Pro Plan
    • Tidy Cats
    • Supercoat
    • Terra Canis

Food Cupboard, Frozen Food, Supplements, and Baby Products

Buitoni

In 1827, Giulia Buitoni and her husband, Giovan Battista Buitoni, opened a small pasta shop in Sansepolcro, Italy, quickly attracting buyers from afar. Today, the brand’s product range includes pasta, sauces, pestos, and grated cheese.

Carnation

Carnation was founded by Swiss-born Johann Baptist Meyenberg in 1899 after he emigrated to the U.S. to pursue his business dream. Founded as the Pacific Coast Condensed Milk Company, Carnation’s first product was canned evaporated milk.

Nestlé acquired the Carnation Company in 1984 and later brought all of its milk products under the Carnation brand name. Today, it sells original, vegan, and fat-free condensed milk and a range of dessert sauces, caramels, evaporated milk, and creams.

Compleat

Compleat is a nutritionally complete formula made with real fruit and vegetable ingredients and a delicious fruity flavor for tube feeding or drinking. It is the only nutritionally complete solution that contains ingredients derived from food.

Compleat launched its first blenderized tube-feeding formula in 1971 and now produces 16 formulas designed to support a wide range of nutritional applications.

Coffee Mate

Coffee Mate is a lactose and cholesterol-free creamer designed to make coffee richer, smoother, and creamier. Coffee Mate’s product range includes liquids, powders, and concentrates, as well as reduced fat and sugar-free options.

DiGiorno

DiGiorno was introduced by Kraft Foods in 1995, selling a range of frozen pizzas with a doughy crust that rose when baked. Providing a welcome change to flat, crunchy pizza crusts, to which consumers had previously been limited, DiGiorno became the top-selling frozen pizza brand in the U.S. within three years.

The brand was acquired by Nestlé in 2010 for $3.7 billion in cash. Today, its product range includes rising crust, stuffed crust, croissant crust, thin crust, Detroit-style, and gluten-free pizzas.

Other food cupboard/frozen food brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Garden Gourmet
    • Gerber
    • Hot Pockets
    • Lean Cuisine
    • Life Cuisine
    • Maggi
    • Minor’s
    • Thomy
    • Stouffer’s
    • Sweet Earth

Supplements

Vital Proteins

Founded in 2013 by Kurt Seidensticker, Vital Proteins is one of the nation’s most popular collagen brands, designed to support healthy skin, hair, nails, bones, and joints. Its product range includes Collagen Peptides for hair, skin, and nails, Marine Collagen to promote youthful skin, and Collagen Creamer, which is added to coffee.

Nestlé acquired a majority stake in Vital Proteins in 2020 and completed the final acquisition in 2022. The brand continues to run out of Chicago, Illinois. Other supplements brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • Vitaflo
    • Peptamen
    • Garden of Life
    • Nature’s Bounty
    • Persona
    • Resource
    • Solgar

Baby Products

Cerelac

Cerelac is a brand of instant wheat-based cereal. Its products serve as supplementary food for infants aged 6-24 months, providing essential nutrients to aid growth and development when milk is no longer the sole item in a child’s diet.

Other baby product brands owned by Nestlé include:

    • NaturNes
    • Nido

Unfortunately once the orange felon regained the White House he stopped giving a single shit what anyone—except his buttbuddy Vlad—thinks.

Notice he hasn’t had any of his emotional support rallies lately?